In Creative Writing class, we're having to revise and modernize a fairy tale. Since I'm on the far side of the room, I was one of the last to get called on, so the one I wanted was already taken and so I ended up with the Lettuce Donkey, which I'd never even heard of. Here's what I have so far:

December 2019

There once was a young man named James who went into the woods of the Olympic National Park on a hike. After a little while, an ugly, old woman walked up to him.
“Good day, young man. I am very hungry and thirsty, would you mind giving me some food and drink?” asked the woman.
Young James felt sorry for the poor old woman and handed him some food out of his backpack.
Overjoyed, the woman replied, “Young man, in return for your politeness, I would like to give you something. Now listen closely. Down the path a little ways is a tree. And in that tree, there are nine birds fighting over a cloak. Fire your rifle into the middle of the birds. Most of the birds will fly away, however one will drop dead to the ground. The cloak will also drop. Take the cloak, as it is a wishing cloak. When you throw it over your shoulders, and wish to be some place else, you will be there in an instant. If you cut the heart out of the dead bird and swallow it, every morning when you wake up, you will find a piece of gold under your pillow.”
James thanked the woman and hurried off down the path. After a short distance, he found the tree the woman was talking about. The group of birds was indeed fighting over a cloak. Taking his rifle off his shoulder, he fired a round into the group. Just as the woman said, the birds flew off. All except one, which fell to the ground dead and was followed by the cloak, which floated to the ground. James took his knife and sliced through the skin, muscle tissue, and bones, and cut the heart out. After swallowing the heart, James grabbed the cloak and headed off the way he came.
The next morning, James woke and remembered what the old woman had said about the gold. Lifting up his pillow, he found the gold right were the woman said it would be. And so this continued for a while until young James had built up quite a sum.
One day, he asked himself, “What should I do with all this gold? I think I shall go traveling.”
Taking only his backpack, young James set off into the world. One day, he wandered into a dense forest. Before long, he stood before a fine castle. Standing before one of the castle’s windows was a witch and her maiden.
“That young man has a bird’s heart in his body. Each day it gives him a piece of gold. We must take that heart from him,” said the witch. She then proceeded to outline her plan to her maiden. “If you do not do as I say, you will not like what happens.”
As James got closer to the castle, he noticed the maiden, and said to himself, “I have been traveling for quite a while now. I think I shall stop here for a while.”
He entered the castle and was politely greeted and well entertained. It did not take long for James to have fallen so in love with the young maiden that he did anything she asked of him. Following her part of the plan, the young maiden brewed a potion, which she poured into a goblet and gave to James.
“Now, dearest, drink to me,” said the maiden.
James took the goblet and swallowed the contents. Soon, he coughed up the bird’s heart, which the girl took away and gave to the witch to swallow. From then on, James found no more gold under his pillow, however the witch found gold under hers. Young James was so in love with the maiden that he thought nothing more of the gold.
The old witch said, “We now have the bird’s heart, but I also wish to take the cloak away from him.”
To which the girl replied, “But why? Since we have taken his wealth, we should at least leave him the cloak.”
However the witch would have none of it. “That cloak is a wonderful thing that is rarely found. I must have it.” She then proceeded to threaten the young maiden with great harm. Thoroughly subdued, the maiden had no choice but to obey the witch.
A little while later, the young maiden was standing at a window, when young James came up to her and asked what was the matter.
“Ah, dear. Out there is a wonderful plateau, where precious stones grow. I long for them so much that I feel quite sad when I think of them. Only the birds can fly out there and get them.”
James took the maiden under his cloak and wished himself on the plateau and in an instant they were there. On all sides they were surrounded by the precious stones the maiden had spoken of. Together, they collected the finest of the many stones. But, the old witch back in the castle, through her magic, made James very tired.
“May we sit down and rest? I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open,” asked James.
The pair sat down, and soon James had fallen fast asleep. While he was sleeping, the young maiden undid the cloak, picked up the stones they had gathered, and wished herself back to the castle. When James awoke, he found himself alone on the plateau so far from the castle he couldn’t even see the forest.
“Oh, what rude people there are in this world,” he thought to himself, and proceeded to sit down and contemplate his situation.
Little did he know that monstrous giants inhabited the plateau he was on. It did not take long for many of the giants to surround the spot where he was laying. One of the giants walked up to him and kicked him.
“What sort of creature lies on the ground like this? Step on him and kill him,” grunted the giant.
Another giant walked up and said, “That is a good idea, however, let him live. He can’t stay long. If he goes any farther up the mountain, the clouds will float him away.”
Growing tired of this strange two-egged creature, the group of giants soon disappeared. Little did they know that James had been listening to they had said. As soon as all the giants were gone, James wondered his way up to the top of the mountain. Just like the giant had said, the clouds lifted him up and spirited him away. He traveled around for a while in the heavens, then drifted down to earth, where he landed in a cabbage garden.
James looked around, and seeing no one, said, “Boy, I’m hungry. If only I had something to eat. Maybe I can eat some of these cabbages.”
James proceeded to pick one of the cabbages up and take a bite out of it. Soon, four legs, a thick head, and two long ears grew on him. With horror, he saw that he had turned into a donkey. But still, his hunger kept increasing and the cabbage heads kept looking more and more appealing.

Really good Hiram :P

Keep em' coming th:

Thats excellent! th: I'm looking forward to seeing the witch get what she deserves!

Isn't it kinda obvious?

A few more lines:

Finally, he found a different type of cabbage, and soon he as he took a bite, he changed back to a human.
Feeling tired, James lay down to sleep. When he awoke, he took a head of the bad lettuce and a head of the good lettuce and set off. After a few days of wandering, he found the castle again. Before going up to the castle door, James dyed his face brown, so that the witch would not recognize him.
The castle door opened, and the witch stood in the doorway. “What do you want?”
“Please ma’am. I am so tired, I can’t go any farther,” replied James in a tired voice.

Hurry up with the rest! :P

th: th:

I vaguely recall the tale from school but it is pretty obvious where it's going. :)

th: Like Mel said, hurry up with the rest!!!!

Here's everything so far:

December 2019
There once was a young man named James who went into the woods of the Olympic National Park on a hike. After a little while, an ugly, old woman walked up to him.
“Good day, young man. I am very hungry and thirsty, would you mind giving me some food and drink?” asked the woman.
Young James felt sorry for the poor old woman and handed him some food out of his backpack.
Overjoyed, the woman replied, “Young man, in return for your politeness, I would like to give you something. Now listen closely. Down the path a little ways is a tree. And in that tree, there are nine birds fighting over a cloak. Fire your rifle into the middle of the birds. Most of the birds will fly away, however one will drop dead to the ground. The cloak will also drop. Take the cloak, as it is a wishing cloak. When you throw it over your shoulders, and wish to be some place else, you will be there in an instant. If you cut the heart out of the dead bird and swallow it, every morning when you wake up, you will find a piece of gold under your pillow.”
James thanked the woman and hurried off down the path. After a short distance, he found the tree the woman was talking about. The group of birds was indeed fighting over a cloak. Taking his rifle off his shoulder, he fired a round into the group. Just as the woman said, the birds flew off. All except one, which fell to the ground dead and was followed by the cloak, which floated to the ground. James took his knife and sliced through the skin, muscle tissue, and bones, and cut the heart out. After swallowing the heart, James grabbed the cloak and headed off the way he came.
The next morning, James woke and remembered what the old woman had said about the gold. Lifting up his pillow, he found the gold right were the woman said it would be. And so this continued for a while until young James had built up quite a sum.
One day, he asked himself, “What should I do with all this gold? I think I shall go traveling.”
Taking only his backpack, young James set off into the world. One day, he wandered into a dense forest. Before long, he stood before a fine castle. Standing before one of the castle’s windows was a witch and her maiden.
“That young man has a bird’s heart in his body. Each day it gives him a piece of gold. We must take that heart from him,” said the witch. She then proceeded to outline her plan to her maiden. “If you do not do as I say, you will not like what happens.”
As James got closer to the castle, he noticed the maiden, and said to himself, “I have been traveling for quite a while now. I think I shall stop here for a while.”
He entered the castle and was politely greeted and well entertained. It did not take long for James to have fallen so in love with the young maiden that he did anything she asked of him. Following her part of the plan, the young maiden brewed a potion, which she poured into a goblet and gave to James.
“Now, dearest, drink to me,” said the maiden.
James took the goblet and swallowed the contents. Soon, he coughed up the bird’s heart, which the girl took away and gave to the witch to swallow. From then on, James found no more gold under his pillow, however the witch found gold under hers. Young James was so in love with the maiden that he thought nothing more of the gold.
The old witch said, “We now have the bird’s heart, but I also wish to take the cloak away from him.”
To which the girl replied, “But why? Since we have taken his wealth, we should at least leave him the cloak.”
However the witch would have none of it. “That cloak is a wonderful thing that is rarely found. I must have it.” She then proceeded to threaten the young maiden with great harm. Thoroughly subdued, the maiden had no choice but to obey the witch.
A little while later, the young maiden was standing at a window, when young James came up to her and asked what was the matter.
“Ah, dear. Out there is a wonderful plateau, where precious stones grow. I long for them so much that I feel quite sad when I think of them. Only the birds can fly out there and get them.”
James took the maiden under his cloak and wished himself on the plateau and in an instant they were there. On all sides they were surrounded by the precious stones the maiden had spoken of. Together, they collected the finest of the many stones. But, the old witch back in the castle, through her magic, made James very tired.
“May we sit down and rest? I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open,” asked James.
The pair sat down, and soon James had fallen fast asleep. While he was sleeping, the young maiden undid the cloak, picked up the stones they had gathered, and wished herself back to the castle. When James awoke, he found himself alone on the plateau so far from the castle he couldn’t even see the forest.
“Oh, what rude people there are in this world,” he thought to himself, and proceeded to sit down and contemplate his situation.
Little did he know that monstrous giants inhabited the plateau he was on. It did not take long for many of the giants to surround the spot where he was laying. One of the giants walked up to him and kicked him.
“What sort of creature lies on the ground like this? Step on him and kill him,” grunted the giant.
Another giant walked up and said, “That is a good idea, however, let him live. He can’t stay long. If he goes any farther up the mountain, the clouds will float him away.”
Growing tired of this strange two-egged creature, the group of giants soon disappeared. Little did they know that James had been listening to they had said. As soon as all the giants were gone, James wondered his way up to the top of the mountain. Just like the giant had said, the clouds lifted him up and spirited him away. He traveled around for a while in the heavens, then drifted down to earth, where he landed in a cabbage garden.
James looked around, and seeing no one, said, “Boy, I’m hungry. If only I had something to eat. Maybe I can eat some of these cabbages.”
James proceeded to pick one of the cabbages up and take a bite out of it. Soon, four legs, a thick head, and two long ears grew on him. With horror, he saw that he had turned into a donkey. But still, his hunger kept increasing and the cabbage heads kept looking more and more appealing. Finally, he found a different type of cabbage, and soon he as he took a bite, he changed back to a human.
Feeling tired, James lay down to sleep. When he awoke, he took a head of the bad lettuce and a head of the good lettuce and set off. After a few days of wandering, he found the castle again. Before going up to the castle door, James dyed his face brown, so that the witch would not recognize him.
The castle door opened, and the witch stood in the doorway. “What do you want?”
“Please ma’am. I am so tired, I can’t go any farther,” replied James in a tired voice. “I am a messenger and I was sent to find the most delicious salad in the world. Now that I have found it, the heat threatens to spoil the cabbage. I don’t know if I can go any farther.”
Of course, the mention of a fine salad excited the old witch. “Young man, would you be so kind as to let me try this wonderful salad?”
“Of course. I’ve got two heads, and I shall give you one of them,” replied James. This was just what he wanted the witch to do.
The witch took the bad cabbage, which she took into the kitchen and made into a salad. As soon as she took a bite, she lost her human shape and ran out to the courtyard as a donkey. A maiden happened to walk into the room, took a bite of the salad, and also turned into a donkey and ran out into the courtyard. In the meantime, James was sitting with the young maiden, who noticed that no one had come back out with the salad. James walked into the kitchen, where he noticed the salad bowl, which had been knocked over by the older maiden, lying on the floor and the donkey’s running around in the courtyard. Picking it up, he rearranged the cabbage leaves in the bowl, and brought it out to the young maiden.
The maiden took a few bites from the salad and was almost immediately transformed from a human to a donkey, then proceeded to run out into the courtyard with the two other donkeys.James washed his face, so that the transformed donkeys would recognize him.
Walking out into the courtyard, he said, “Now you shall be punished for your treachery.”
He then proceeded to bind all three donkeys with a rope, and drove them down the road to a mill. After he knocked on the window, the miller came out and asked what James wanted.
“I have three unmanageable creatures, and I do not wish to keep them any longer. Will you be so kind as to take them in and care for them as I tell you to?” asked James.
“I can’t see why not. But what I am I supposed to do?” inquired the miller.
“The old donkey is to get three beatings and one meal a day, the younger one should get one beating and three meals daily, while the youngest should get three meals and no beatings every day,” instructed James.
James then returned to the castle, and a few days later the miller came to inform him that the old donkey, which was the witch, had died. The two others, the miller said, were in fine shape, but were so sad they might not last much longer. James told the miller to bring the two remaining donkeys back to the castle. When they came, James gave them some of the good cabbage, and they returned to their human form again. The young maiden fell, pleading, to her knees before James.
“Please forgive me for what I have done to you. My mother made me do it. Your cloak hangs in a cupboard, and I can take a vomiting potion for the bird’s heart.”
James thought for a minute and said, “Keep it, for I am taking you for a wife.”
And so, the wedding was celebrated and the two lived together until their death.

th: Great Hiram

This is just the rough draft we had to do. I'll post again when it's done.

This is the final. There are a few minor changes. If you have any suggestions or corrections, feel free to tell me.

December 2019
There once was a young man named James who went into the woods of his local park on a hike. After a little while, an ugly, old woman walked up to him.
“Good day, young man. I am very hungry and thirsty, would you mind giving me some food and drink?” asked the woman.
Young James felt sorry for the poor old woman and handed her some food out of his backpack.
Overjoyed, the woman replied, “Young man, in return for your politeness, I would like to give you something. Now listen closely. Down the path a little ways is a big tree. And in that tree, there are nine birds fighting over a cloak. Fire your laser rifle into the middle of the birds. Most of the birds will fly away, however one will drop dead to the ground. The cloak will also drop. Take the cloak, as it is a wishing cloak. When you throw it over your shoulders, and wish to be some place else, you will be there in an instant. If you cut the heart out of the dead bird and swallow it, every morning when you wake up, you will find a piece of gold under your pillow.”
James thanked the woman and hurried off down the path. After a short distance, he found the tree the woman was talking about. The group of birds was indeed fighting over a cloak. Taking his laser rifle off his shoulder, he fired a beam into the group. Just as the woman said, the birds flew off. All except one, which fell to the ground dead and was followed by the cloak, which floated to the ground. James took his knife and sliced through the skin, muscle tissue, and bones, and cut the heart out. After swallowing the heart, James grabbed the cloak and headed off the way he came.
The next morning, James woke and remembered what the old woman had said about the gold. Lifting up his pillow, he found the gold right were the woman said it would be. And so this continued for a while until young James had built up quite a pile of gold.
One day he asked himself, “What should I do with all this gold? I think I shall go traveling.”
Taking only his backpack, young James set off into the world. One day, he wandered into a dense forest. Before long, he stood before a fine castle that was nestled deep in rain forest. Standing in one of the castle’s turrets was a witch and her two maidens.
“That young man has a bird’s heart in his body. Each day it gives him a piece of gold. We must take that heart from him,” said the witch. She then proceeded to outline her plan to her maiden. “If you do not do as I say, you will not like what happens.”
As James got closer to the castle, he noticed the maiden, and said to himself, “I have been traveling for quite a long time now. I think I shall stop here for a while.”
He entered the castle and was politely greeted and well entertained. It did not take long for James to have fallen so in love with the young maiden that he did anything she asked of him. Following her part of the plan, the young maiden brewed a potion, which she poured into a goblet and gave to James.
“Now, dearest, drink to me,” said the maiden.
James took the goblet and swallowed the contents. Soon, he coughed up the bird’s heart, which the girl took away and gave to the witch to swallow. From then on, James found no more gold under his pillow, however the witch found gold under hers. Young James was so in love with the maiden that he thought nothing more of the gold.
The old witch said, “We now have the bird’s heart, but I also wish to take the cloak away from him.”
To which the girl replied, “But why? Since we have taken his wealth, we should at least leave him the cloak.”
However the witch would have none of it. “That cloak is a wonderful thing that is rarely found. I must have it.” She then proceeded to threaten the young maiden with great harm. Thoroughly frightened, the maiden had no choice but to obey the witch.
A little while later, the young maiden was standing at a window, when young James came up to her and asked what was the matter.
“Ah, dear. Out there is a wonderful desert, where precious stones grow. I long for them so much that I feel quite sad when I think of them. Only the birds can fly out there and get them.”
James took the maiden under his cloak and wished himself in the desert and in an instant they were there. On all sides they were surrounded by the precious stones the maiden had spoken of. Together, they collected the finest of the many stones. But, the old witch back in the castle, through her magic, made James very tired.
“May we sit down and rest? I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open,” asked James.
The pair sat down, and soon James had fallen fast asleep. While he was sleeping, the young maiden undid the cloak, picked up the stones they had gathered, and wished herself back to the castle. When James awoke, he found himself alone in the middle of a foreign desert so far from the castle he couldn’t even see the rain forest.
“Oh, what rude people there are in this world,” he thought to himself, and proceeded to sit down and contemplate his situation.
Little did he know that monstrous giants inhabited the area of the desert he was in. It did not take long for many of the giants to surround the spot where he was laying. One of the giants walked up to him and kicked him.
“What sort of creature lies on the ground like this? Step on him and kill him,” grunted the giant.
Another giant walked up and said, “That is a good idea, however, let him live. He can’t stay long. If he travels any farther, the clouds will float him away.”
Growing tired of this strange two-legged creature, the group of giants soon disappeared. Little did they know that James had been listening to everything they had said. As soon as all the giants were gone, James wondered around the desert. Just like the giant had said, the clouds lifted him up and spirited him away. He traveled around for a while in the heavens, then drifted down to earth, where he landed in a cabbage garden.
James looked around, and seeing no one, said, “Boy, I’m hungry. If only I had something to eat. Maybe I can eat some of these cabbages.”
James proceeded to pick one of the cabbages up and take a bite out of it. Soon, four legs, a thick head, and two long ears grew on him. With horror, he saw that he had turned into a donkey. But still, his hunger kept increasing and the cabbage heads kept looking more and more appealing. Finally, he found a different type of cabbage, and soon he as he took a bite, he changed back to a human.
Feeling tired, James lay down to sleep. When he awoke, he took a head of the bad lettuce and a head of the good lettuce and set off. After a few days of wandering, he found the castle again. Before going up to the castle door, James dyed his face brown, so that the witch or the maidens would not recognize him.
The castle door opened, and the witch stood in the doorway. “What do you want?”
“Please ma’am. I am so tired, I can’t go any farther,” replied James in a tired voice. “I am a messenger and I was sent to find the most delicious salad in the world. Now that I have found it, the heat threatens to spoil the cabbage. I don’t know if I can go any farther.”
Of course, the mention of such a fine and special item excited the old witch. “Young man, would you be so kind as to let me try this wonderful salad?”
“Of course. I’ve got two heads, and I shall give you one of them,” replied James. This was just what he wanted the witch to do.
The witch took the bad cabbage, which she took into the kitchen and made into a salad. As soon as she took a bite, she lost her human shape and ran out to the courtyard as a donkey. The older maiden happened to walk into the room, took a bite of the salad, and also turned into a donkey and ran out into the courtyard. In the meantime, James was sitting with the young maiden, who noticed that no one had come back out with the salad. James walked into the kitchen, where he noticed the salad bowl, which had been knocked over by the older maiden, lying on the floor and the donkey’s running around in the courtyard. Picking it up, he rearranged the cabbage leaves in the bowl, and brought it out to the young maiden.
The maiden took a few bites from the salad and was almost immediately transformed from a human to a donkey, then proceeded to run out into the courtyard with the two other donkeys. James washed his face, so that the transformed donkeys would recognize him.
Walking out into the courtyard, he said, “Now you shall be punished for your treachery.”
He then proceeded to bind all three donkeys with a rope, and drove them down the road to a mill. After he knocked on the window, the miller came out and asked what James wanted.
“I have three unmanageable creatures, and I do not wish to keep them any longer. Will you be so kind as to take them in and care for them as I tell you to?” asked James.
“I can’t see why not. But what I am I supposed to do?” inquired the miller.
“The old donkey is to get three beatings and one meal a day, the younger one should get one beating and three meals daily, while the youngest should get three meals and no beatings every day,” instructed James, who couldn’t bring himself to have the young one beaten every day.
James then returned to the castle, and a few days later the miller came to inform him that the old donkey, which was the witch, had died. The two others, the miller reported, were in fine shape, but were so sad they might not last much longer. James told the miller to bring the two remaining donkeys back to the castle. When they came, James gave them some of the good cabbage, and they returned to their human form again. The young maiden fell, pleading, to her knees before James.
“Please forgive me for what I have done to you. My mother made me do it. Your cloak hangs in a cupboard, and I can take a vomiting potion for the bird’s heart.”
James thought for a minute and said, “Keep it, for I am taking you for a wife.”
And so, the wedding was celebrated and the two lived together until their death.

Wow Hiram i've never read the other one but this is probably better co:

I meant to post this earlier, but I got an 80% on it. <_< The teacher said that the dialogue should all run together, not on seperate lines. Never heard that before. I've always seen it seperatly.