Radgar sat on his bed thinking about his lost soul wondering if he had found it or if it was still lost. His heart still felt black except for the firery red ball of life that Cayana had given him. Sighing he wondered if he would ever be able to look the creator in the eye and tell him that he did some good. All he ever seemed to do lately was kill he wanted to do something meaningful but he had no idea what he could do. Sighing he stood up off his bed and walked to his night stand. Looking in the small mirror he dipped his hands in the chipped bowl full of cold water and washed his face. It had been a week sense he had saved Cayana, he was still not sure if he was used to the constant ball of emotion in the back of his mind She's frustrated He thought to himself and frowned as he looked north to where he knew she would be standing.

"What are you looking at Radgar?" asked the child that had replaced his old roommate. The child was really a young man but Radgar couldn't bring himself to not think of him as a child. After living 100 years a man of 20 seemed like a child. "Nothing, just thinking" Radgar said as he grabbed his coat and walked out the door.

Not really knowing where he was going he started walking through the hallways then the trails and paths of the Tower ground. Ending up facing a small side entrance to the White Tower he walked up and entered the ancient symbol of the light. Walking through it he let himself just glide where ever and was almost surprised to realise he was standing out side the Mistress of Novices office doors. The Aes Sedai that was sitting on the desk inside the waiting area looked up at him suspiciously but he ignored her and walked through? Stopping he turned and looked the woman in the eyes. "Is she seeing anyone?" He asked maybe a little to harshly. "Who are you? And don't speak to me that way Dedicated." She replied to him. "I am Radgar Al'Exander Dedicated to the Black Tower, Feared and hunted by the Dark One himself. Answer my question. Please"

"No." Was all she was able to say as he opened the door and walked in. Upon looking into his loves eyes his heart swelled with the fire of undying love. "Cayana" He said, "Will you walk with me in the Gardens? I want to talk."

"I don't want to hear it Cayana. Things are bad enough as they are with you having been gone for so long. Those Grays always get in the way of things..." Cayana was only really listening with half an ear. She had merely suggested that she'd ease back into things after having come back and found the systems being quite a mess as well as no real listings in the books of what the novices and Accepteds had been up to. Dovenie had never really liked Cayana and Cayana in turn was finding more and more reasons to not like the old Gray. Her Head of Ajah wasn't overly happy about things, least of all that a dedicated had been involved enough with Cayana to see it as his duty to save her, like a Gaidin. She had been given quite a reprimand after her report about the event and now finally, after yet a thorough talking too, was dismissed. Cayana left the woman's office without showing any emotions outwards. Naturally Radgar could feel her frustration, her fatigue. This week had been the most hectic one Cayana had been through as the Mistress of Novices. Even back in her first time as it when Aes Sedai felt it necessary to send every little brat to her door. Lessons, punishments, raisings and everything else seemed to be stacked in piles to high for Cayana to see the top of them and she didn't even have the possibility to ask for assistance in the matter.

Walking into the waiting area outside of her office Cayana didn't even look around. It was fortunately empty, which any novice would be happy about since Cayana was not in a good mood. Her punishments seemed to grow a lot harder when ever she was in a bad mood. Stepping into her office she closed the door behind her and channeled the lamps around her desk alight. She walked up the steps and stood for a moment just looking at it.

It had been quite some times since she had become the Mistress of Novices. At first she had hated the idea, then she had enjoyed it. Radgar had made the confinement to the Towers bearable but now... She felt like just quitting, going on with her life as an Aes Sedai rather then a bloody clerk and teacher. She was so much more then that. At the same time she couldn't. Radgar was still a dedicated, their bond was not spoken of and could not be revealed. Then again revealing it would probably get her fired as the Mistress of Novices. For a moment she played with the thought but pushed it away before walking around the desk to sit down. It was time to work.

A sound brought Cayana out of her concentration on a sloppily written report. It sounded like someone was demanding to see her, the Aes Sedai outside seemed rather annoyed at the person. Then the door opened and admitted Radgar. Still in the doorway she could feel his reaction to seeing her. The bundle inside her head so filled with love and passion that she couldn't tell if it was her own feelings or his for a moment. It brought a soft smile to her lips for a moment before she heard him say. "Cayana. Will you walk with me in the Gardens? I want to talk." She hesitated for a moment, Radgar was acting a little out of his place and she wondered how much out of place he had acted since the incident. A talk might very well be in place. Rising she walked down the steps and grabbed a shawl hanging over a chair in the sitting area. It was not her Aes Sedai shawl merely a warm knitted shawl to wear when ever she felt cold. She followed Radgar outside, closed the door behind her and said to the other Aes Sedai. "I will be back in a while. Deal with any small matters that might appear will you." She earned a look at that. The Aes Sedai was not her assistant and would not take being spoken to as such. The woman was more of a secondary clerk one more little thing Dovenie had gotten installed before Cayana had come back. Light I want to kill that woman sometimes.

They walked down through the Towers, the corridors and stairs. While doing so Cayana spoke with Radgar in a more impersonal manner asking how he was, if the weather was nice to day and such things. Once out in the garden Cayana broke the charade and looked up at Radgar, walking slightly closer then before. "Time moves quickly. How are you settling in after..." She didn't finish the sentence, she had no need to.