Adena sat on her knees, scrubbing the floor of the hallway, too tired to even be angry that she was doing such a chore. She had scrubbed most of the hall by herself, and was almost finished, and she was exhausted. When she started, she had been tired, certainly, but now she was far beyond that. Normally, Adena knew that such a chore would be done in a group, but truthfully this was not a chore, it was a punishment for trying to run away. Light, but it had been stupid to run away, she did not regret wanting to, she still wanted to truth be told, she simply regretted getting caught. It had only been a few days, but already Adena could tell that by the time this six months was over, she would be tired beyond belief. She still had to keep up with classes and training, trying to break her block, and there was that pesky meeting with Cayana every day, though that did mean time she did not have to spend doing extra chores. She allowed herself a tired sigh as she moved a few feet down to get the next patch of floor clean. She looked back over what she had already done, compared to what she had to do. Doubtless it was cleaner down there, but already there had been traffic through, and Adena was really not very good at cleaning anyway. She shook her head and pushed a strand of hair that had fallen out of her plain white ribbon behind her ear, she would have to fix that before she left, unkempt appearance was cause for punishment here. Well, if it was not such a strict overbearing rule Adena would not argue, it was perfectly right for girls to look clean and groomed, if only they did not all have to look exactly the same.

She suppressed another sigh as she moved over again for the last section of the floor. She was almost done. She dipped her brush back into the water bucket, no longer filled with clean white soap bubbles as it had been when she started. Now it was filled with dingy brown-gray water, surely there was no way that was actually making the floor here cleaner, Adena did not believe that for a moment, but she had to finish, because the witches said so. She finished the floor, and leaned back on her heels, stretching out her aching back, she had been bent over far too long, doubtless she would be sore tomorrow. She tossed the brush back into the bucket and picked it up as she stood, now she had to empty this bucket then she had a precious few minutes of time in which she could perhaps sit in the gardens. Not nearly enough, of course, she had a class soon, but Adena did not want to think about that just yet, she had a few minutes to relax, and she fully intended to make use of them. She stood and walked out of the hall through the door nearest her, rather track footprints over the nearly-dry ground she had just washed. As she walked, she passed a few others who lived in the Towers, and wondered whethe the novices and soldiers she passed were as miserable as she was. Surely there were at least a few others who hated this place, who realized that Aes Sedai and Asha'man were nothing more than the agents of the Shadow, working to brainwash the new initiates into giving their lives over to the Dark One.

Of course, they denied that, but Adena had grown up in Amadicia, so she knew the truth. She switched the bucket from one tired hand to the other as she walked, wishing she could just toss the water out the window, rather than dumping it down a drain that was all too far away. She had technically finished her chore, but there was still too much left to be done for her liking. Why could the Tower not just have drains placed periodically throughout the buidling? Well, technically they did, she supposed, but they were far apart, and the White Tower was a huge place. She thought about that for a moment, but the thought was wiped out when she saw a familiar face come around a corner. She stopped where she stood, she had not seen the woman in quite a while, but she recognized her nonetheless, she partly blamed this girl for her punishment, it was she who had pushed Adena over the edge and earned her that first punishment that made her run away. Mirazhe, her name was, and the last time Adena had seen her, she had still been a novice. Now, though, she wore the banded dress of the Accepted, having passed the test- whatever it was -and had also earned the Great Serpent Ring that the outside world thought of as the symbol for Aes Sedai, not Accepted. Adena knew that she was supposed to curtsy when Accepted came by, but she could not bring herself to curtsy for this woman. The sight of her made Adena forget her exhaustion, now all she felt was anger tinged with hatered as she watched Mirazhe walk down the hall, oblivious to everything, yet still having earned the rank of Accepted. Light, the witches really did want more numbers, if they were raising fools like her.

It'd been another one of those days. Classes to take, homework to do, and the ever-present chores to be done. Mirazhe thought she'd escaped having to wash dishes and do laundry after being raised, but obviously, she was wrong. There were less chores she had to do, and they happened less frequently than from when she'd been a novice, but they were still there. The chores were always there, just lurking around the corner waiting to pounce on her. But she accepted them more that most people did, especially the ones who had come from noble background and complained about so much as lifting a finger to do manual work. Well, once they'd reached the Tower, they should have learned that there was no such thing as 'rank' and 'status' among the novices and Accepted. The only rank there was here was that of novice, Accepted and Aes Sedai. And there were strict rules about respect due to higher ranks. Break those rules, and you were punished. Even Mirazhe, normally a good girl, had broken rules several times, and the punishments hadn't exactly been easy. She'd learned from her mistakes, though, and that was the important thing. She'd made it through the ardous years as a novice, made it through each of the Three Arches, and had come out stronger than before.

Or so she wanted to believe. There wasn't any major change in her that she could identify. Mirazhe still looked like herself, albeit a few years older and more womanly, and she still acted like herself. Maybe a bit less shy than she had been, but otherwise the same person she was when she'd come to the Tower, a quiet, mild-mannered bookworm. Some people laughed at her, and mocked her, but she tried not to pay attention to them. Most of the teasing had stopped once she'd gone through the Arches, since she was now Accepted and they were still novices. She had the power; they had to respect her and listen to her. It was nice sometimes, having this power lying at her fingertips, but she didn't use it often, being someone who took no pleasure at seeing other people suffering. And she still had to follow the Aes Sedai, of course. That was the final step, making it to Aes Sedai.

It was Mirazhe's goal, her dream, because once she was Aes Sedai, she could go visit her mother and see that beloved face again. It had grown easier with time, to be seperated from her mother, but she always clung to the belief that she would see her mother again. Most novices were encouraged to forget about their families, because they were going to spend the rest of their lives in the Tower. If their family was still alive by the time they made it to the top, then the likelihood was that their family didn't remember them. But Mirazhe had been stubborn on that one part, and continued to dream. She sent letters to her mother as often as she could, and sometimes she even got a response back. Those letters she kept safe, and reread whenver she was having a difficult time. It was enough for the time being to see her mother's careful writing in front of her.

Walking down the hallway, Mirazhe turned left, and stopped suddenly when she saw someone coming towards her. The woman had a bucket in her hands, and was dressed in novice white, but it was the face that surprised her, a face she hadn't seen in a long long while. It hadn't been long enough, since she could remember the last meeing she'd had with Adena in painful clarity. Her wrist didn't hurt anymore, had been healed for years now, but it gave a twinge, as if remembering the past. If she was still a novice, she probably would have scurried off, away from Adena as fast as possible, not wanting to invite the other woman's wrath. But she couldn't do that now, not when she was Accepted and commanded respect from the novices. Adena didn't seem to want to give that respect, which was no surprise. Well, if she didn't, then Mirazhe was just going to have to do something about that. Stopping a few feet in front of Adena, she gave the other woman a small smile and confronted her directly.

"Good afternoon, Adena. I hope you've been well."

Adena watched, and a moment later, Mirazhe seemed to see her. She did not change her course, which on some level surprised Adena, the woman was Accepted now, but Adena could not help thinking of her as the initially blabbering, apologetic girl she had been during their last meeting. Of course, that had not been normal by any means, but still, it had created an image that had not been shaken from Adena's mind. She had almost expected Mirazhe to remember what happened and turn away, she had certainly hoped strongly enough that that would happen. Unfortunately, the woman did not turn away, she walked right up to Adena, stopped a few feet away and smiled of all things. Why in the Light would she smile? Adena knew better than to think it meant that Mirazhe had turned the events of their meeting into some fond memory, that was certainly impossible. She surprised Adena even further by saying she hoped Adena had been well. Adena did her best to hide her feeling of surprise and incredulity, but she did not think it worked well. Time spent in the Towers had robbed her of some of her abilities to hide her emotions, which she thought was odd, as she had never seen anyone with as little emotion as an Aes Sedai. Adena was not sure what to say, should she reply with this same odd pleasantry that Mirazhe was using? What was it about being Accepted that made this woman so different now? Why was she able to get inside Adena's head without doing anything but smiling and asking a simple question? Adena tried to remind herself that this woman was a peasant, that she had once run directly into Adena and been the cause of Adena's first punishment.

To her surprise, it was difficult to do, she decided it was because she was so tired from her punishment, and tried once more to remember how she had felt that day so long ago. Finally, she was able to once again think of Mirazhe as the seemingly clumsy, preoccupied girl she had met long ago, although she still was not sure what to say. Finally, she decided to go with anything but that false pleasant smile that Mirazhe was hiding behind, there was no use to it after all. "I am afraid, Accepted," she began, putting as much derision in her voice as she thought she could get away with, "that your hopes are unfounded. I have not been well, nor do I think I will be well as long as I am trapped in this Tower." She switched the bucket to her other hand again, Light but it was heavy. She wanted to put it down, but had no idea whether that would be seen as laziness, and deserving of a punishment. If Adena were in Mirazhe's place, she would certainly be looking for any reason possible to send her for punishment. Adena decided that it probably was not smart to say how much she disliked the Towers, and that from then on she would tread carefully, the last thing she wanted was another month's worth of extra chores tacked on to what she already had. Even with that in mind, she could not bring herself to curtsy for this woman, much as she did not want a punishment, right then, she wanted to show Mirazhe respect even less.

(Sorry it's short...and late...:/)

(OOC: Short? :blink: Mine's short, only because I wanted to post something.)

Her smile and cheerful words had no effect on Adena. Adena just stared back at Mirazhe, her face full of blatant confusion as to why this Accepted was being nice to her out of nowhere. It gave Mirazhe a few seconds to rethink her actions. Had confronting Adena really been the best idea? It was obvious that Adena still didn't like her, maybe hated her still, and she really didn't want to stir up those emotions again. It wasn't that she was afraid to face them again, just that she didn't want to. If she could avoid another big spectacle, her day would go so much better. However, it seemed as though Adena had no wish of letting Mirazhe get off easily.

"I am afraid, Accepted, that your hopes are unfounded. I have not been well, nor do I think I will be well as long as I am trapped in this Tower." Mirazhe could hear the contempt dripping off Adena's voice, and sighed inwardly. There was no use trying to be nice to the woman. It was hopeless, useless. All she would get back was a slap in the face. Better she turned and walked away than stay here and try to deal with Lady Adena Moren. She might as well give up now, and start the yelling and screaming that was going to come. They would probably reach that point sooner or later, and she really didn't want to have to hear all the insults that came in between. Last time had been bad enough.

But the part of Mirazhe that was still mature reminded her that she was an Accepted, and she had better things to do than pick fights in the hallways with novices, not to mention the fact that she wasn't supposed to do that in the first place. She was supposed to act like a role model, and show the novices how to properly behave. She had responsiblities, duties, rules to uphold. No fooling around now, she couldn't afford that. And her mother definitely would not approve. Her recent confrontation with Sloane had made that face painfully - not to mention humiliatingly - clear. Maybe she could try and be nice for a few minutes more...

"I'm sorry to hear that, Adena. But I'm sure that if you would only try to accept the fact that you are here, things would get a lot better." Why coudln't Adena just be happy for once? The White Tower was a wonderful place to live. Maybe it wasn't quite Adena's style, considering just what she'd had before she'd come here, but it wasn't all that bad as Adena made it out to be. But Adena was a noble, and nobles made it their life's work to complain about every single little thing that was wrong in their lives. They could be so irritating sometimes.

Mirazhe waited a moment before replying, and when she did, her answer made Adena furious. She told Adena to just accept the fact that she was in the Tower. Light, she had accepted it, she was here, serving this punishment, wasn't she? She wanted to hit the woman in the face, but of course, she had to "accept" the fact that Mirazhe ranked above her, and that outside rank meant "nothing" here, so she refrained. If that was not accepting her life here, Adena did not know what was. Today was simply not a good day, not that there were ever good days in the Tower, but today was worse than usual. Instead of lashing out, as she would so very much like to do, Adena took a deep breath. She tried to calm her anger, but it did not work well, at least she no longer had to worry about randomly channeling when she was angry. She still had her block, but now she knew enough about the Power to control it should she accidentally embrace it. She looked at Mirazhe, wondering how this woman had moved up in the Towers. Why had she wanted to was an even better question, Adena thought. Of course, even during their first meeting, Mirazhe had been one of the brainwashed idiots that Adena hated so much, she should not have been so surprised that the woman had even taken it to the next level. Now she was one of the women who brainwashed others, the Accepted typically did not have as strong a hand in it, but certainly they did their part to convince the novices that the Aes Sedai were not, in fact, witches. Not to mention that the Accepted certainly taught enough classes to play a big enough part for Adena to dislike them all.

Adena's anger did not subside, but she knew she had to say something back, and she also knew that too many more "disrespectful" remarks would get her sent to Cayana for punishment. Some of the Accepted were worse than the Aes Sedai about sending girls for punishment, like they needed to exert their power to make sure everyone knew they were Accepted. Some of them, however, were willing to let things slide, but even those women would only tolerate so much. Finally, she came up with an answer, it was not an original one, she had said the same many times before, but at least she did not think it would get her sent for more chores. "If I accept that I am here, I will never get out. I have no desire to stay here any longer than it takes to break my block," she said simply. She tried not to think about the fact that that might take years. She still had lessons every day for block breaking, but nothing seemed to work! Oh, not that she did not channel then, she certainly did, but only when she became so angry she could not stand it any more. Nothing had made her channel out of any other emotion or lack thereof, so she had to endure the frightfully embarassing, shameless torments of the Aes Sedai every day. Sometimes, she suspected that the woman knew nothing was going to work, and only chose the most outrageous things because she wanted to get back at Adena for something, whether she was frustrated because Adena still could not channel willingly, or because she knew how much Adena hated the Tower. Not that it really mattered, all that mattered was that the woman was another of the witches, and time spent with her was another chance for Adena to fall prey to the lies they fed all the other women here.

Mirazhe sighed. Why, why, why did Adena always have to be so difficult? The woman was older than she was, and yet she continued to pout and whine like a small child because she wasn’t getting her way. Light! What was it with nobles? Mirazhe considered herself a fairly patient person, but every time she came in contact with a Lady Whatshername or a Lord So-and-so, she wanted to scream and tear her hair out after a bare five minutes. They were insufferable, that’s what they were! If the Creator would see fit to send a plague that wiped the world of all nobles, she would have jumped up for joy. However, that was never going to happen, and so she had to stand here and try to deal with an irate Lady Moren who had just declared her never-ending hate of the White Tower. Even with a bucket of suds held in each hand and dressed in a simple white outfit, she managed to look more royal than Mirazhe ever would.

Suddenly, Mirazhe was sick of the whole thing. No more of being nice. No more false sympathies. Let Adena stew in the injustices of the world. The Light only knew she deserved whatever she got now, being stuck in Tar Valon with the ‘witches’ she hated until she broke her block and learned to control her channeling. That seemed to be the only thing that unnerved her, the only thing that she feared. She might treat the rest of the world with condescension and loathing, but the minute she channeled, she turned into a frightened little girl. Was it because she feared channeling, or because she feared hurting people? It was unlikely to be the latter, because every word Adena spoke managed to hurt somebody. And Mirazhe could imagine her punching someone in the face. It had to be the channeling, didn’t it? Nothing else made sense. Of course, she didn’t presume that she knew every little corner of Adena’s mind. She would rather face a pit of venomous snakes than try and get to know Adena.

“Why even stay here that long, then?” Mirazhe asked bitterly, frustration coloring her tone. The solution was right there in front of her, and Adena didn’t even seem to notice it. “It would be so much easier on everybody if you just went away. You wouldn’t have to be stuck here with the Aes Sedai, and I wouldn’t have to be nice to you!” Oddly, she didn’t regret what she just said. Normally, she couldn’t stand saying hurtful words to anyone, but with Adena, she just didn’t care anymore. She was tired of always being nice, being dutiful, a good little Accepted. It wasn’t in her nature to be cruel or hurtful or dishonest, and right now she hated that. Funny, but she almost envied Adena, with her capability to say and do whatever she wanted, and be able to face the consequences. Mirazhe wasn’t brave like that. She wasn’t brave at all. Her father had been brave, her mother as well, but somehow it just hadn’t passed onto her. Everything Adena said about her was true. A weak, pathetic, ignorant peasant was what she was. And there was nothing she could do to change that. The White Tower hadn’t changed her at all. She was still the scared, insecure little girl she had been when she’d first come here. “Just go away, Adena. No one will care if you leave and never come back. I know they won’t.”

Mirazhe did not take long in answering, and when she did, she reminded Adena of a petulant child who wanted her own way. Obviously she, unlike the witches, did not care overmuch about swelling the ranks of Aes Sedai, if all she had to say to Adena was that she should just leave. Adena felt a rather smug pride at being able to get under the Accepted's skin so easily, she had not really done anything wrong, of course if a strict old sister were to walk by she probably would have been reprimanded for her tone, but she was not worried. She allowed herself a small smile that matched her emotions exactly, grimly satisfied with herself and derisive of Mirazhe. "Why stay that long? I would think that would be obvious, so that I can avoid channeling altogether, of course. As soon as I can keep from channeling without meaning to then I can stop completely and live my life far away from here and the influence of the witches. I personally don't care a snap whether anyone would miss me if I left because there's no one here I care to miss. It certainly doesn't bother me that you would be glad to see me leave, because what you think means nothing to me. Perhaps, Accepted," she said snidely, "you should in the future not believe that everything you say has a profound impact on everyone because quite frankly, there are people who just don't care." If she had dared, she would have spun around and walked away on that note, but she did not. She waited for the Accepted to slap her or send her for a punishment, or something, surely if she spoke that way to a witch she would not get away with it, she simply could not help it this time, and for once she did not worry all that much about what kind of punishment she would get. She would already be scrubbing and cleaning for months, what difference did a few more days make? And if they decided to switch her, well, that pain went away after a little while.

She stood totally still, watching Mirazhe for any sign of what she was thinking and feeling, wondering what she would do. Accepted were supposed to be the women who would, in the future, make up the ranks of Aes Sedai, and so they were supposed to try to emulate the witches in all things. Adena was interested in an odd way to see whether Mirazhe would be able to conduct herself as an Aes Sedai right now. She half expected the woman to cry or shout or even walk off in a huff, but that was not at all what an Aes Sedai would do. It would give Adena great satisfaction to see any of those happen, but a small part of her told her not to expect it, even though Adena knew what a fool this girl was, she was beginning to think that perhaps it was not such a good idea to say those things to her after all. They were all true of course, Adena knew that the most cutting insults were the ones that contained truth, but the more cutting the insult the more severe the punishment. The thought crossed Adena's mind that perhaps the woman really would conduct herself like an Aes Sedai and not be at all bothered by the insult but still take action because she knew Adena should not behave that way. That was the worst possibility, and the one she thought least likely and strongly hoped would not occur. She waited, resisting the urge to move the bucket from one hand to the other, now of all times it was necessary for her to live up to the image she had created of herself. For a moment, she felt again like the lady she was born to be and it was quite a good feeling, she had not had many opportunities to feel this way for quite a while, and doubtless it would not last long, so Adena tried to enjoy it and soak it in while she could. These witches were certainly changing Adena, much as she wanted them not to she had to change to avoid more punishment, but in this instant she felt strong again, and she very much did not want to let it go.

Adena was still Adena. That much was painfully clear. Despite the fact that Mirazhe was an Accepted now and Adena still a novice, despite the fact that rank meant nothing, despite the fact that Adena had tried to run away, it was almost like nothing had changed. Adena was still the same snotty brat that she had been when Mirazhe had first bumped into her, always ridiculing other people, believing herself to be right. Perhaps if Mirazhe were still a novice, she would have starting crying or shouting or doing any number of small things proving that she was nothing more than a peasant girl. Well, she wouldn’t do any of those things. Not only was she an Accepted of the White Tower, she was a confident young woman who could take insults without throwing a tantrum. She wouldn’t back down, or show Adena that she was in any way affected by the words the other woman said. And she most certainly would not act like those Accepted she often saw, berating, even punishing novices for a mere trifle. Adena’s words might be hurtful, but that was all they were – simply words. If she sent Adena to the Mistress of Novices for speaking her mind, what would that make her? Just like one of those people she despised so much.

Just like Adena.

The thought terrified her, and made her even more resolute than ever to act in a way that would be responsible and right. But…Mirazhe was somewhat at a loss for what to do. Her first impulse to was to say something childish, then walk away, but that would only give Adena more pleasure. If she walked away, Adena would know that she had won, and Mirazhe couldn’t afford to have that. Not only that, but just walking away seemed too much like running away, and Mirazhe was afraid that if she ran away, she wouldn’t have the courage to come back and face Adena ever again. Even though she was, in essence, a confident young woman, there were occasions where she suffered bouts of extreme self-doubt, remnants of the days when her first instinct had been to run away and cry like a little child. She couldn’t do that now.

So instead, she straightened, lifting her chin and standing tall, imitating the Aes Sedai she had always been too scared to approach. Mirazhe wasn’t sure how well she managed to carry it off – an Accepted pretending to be an Aes Sedai – but it gave her comfort, and suddenly, she didn’t feel quite as frustrated or ashamed as she had only moments ago.

“What you say is true, Adena. There are plenty of people who could care less about what I say. Actually, there are millions of people out there who don’t even know that you and I even exist, so of course they could care less about what I have to say. However,” she said, very matter-of-factly, hoping that Adena was still listening to her, and not tuning her out instead, “I do care about what other people say. And amazingly, I even care about what you say. I realize that I said before that I don’t care about you, but that was said out of spite, and not because I hate you.” Not exactly true, but she wasn’t going to admit that. She was trying to make a point here, and admitting that she hated Adena would undermine all that she was striving towards. Besides, the other woman probably knew that already, so no point lingering on it.

“And because I care about you and other people, I want to make sure that they aren’t being hurt. Which brings me to an important point. You should stay here at the White Tower and try your best, because that’s the only way you’re ever going to learn how to channel properly. If you can’t control your channeling, then you’re only going to hurt yourself in the end.”

Amazingly enough to Adena, Mirazhe did nothing like what she had expected, she neither sent Adena for punishment nor anything of the like. She did straigten up, possibly striving to be taller, despite the fact that she had a slight advantage in height already. When she spoke, she sounded surprisingly calm, and even considerate, which Adena simply could not comprehend, how could she be so calm, when only a moment ago she had been snapping at Adena? It made no sense whatsoever, Adena would never have suspected that this oaf had that sort of control over her emotions. She told Adena that she was absolutely right, that there were millions of people in the world who did not care what Mirazhe said, but she went on to say that she did care what people thought. It did not make much sense to Adena, everything she had seen from the witches said that they did not care at all what people thought of them, so why would this girl who was training to become one admit openly that other peoples' opinions meant so much to her? She also took back her comment about not caring about Adena, saying that it was only out of spite, and that in fact she did not hate Adena, on the contrary she cared about her. Adena found that difficult to believe, they had only met two or three times, and none of those times had been pleasant, how could Mirazhe anything but hate Adena, Adena knew she certainly hated Mirazhe. The strange woman even went on to say that she hoped Adena would stay in the Tower, to avoid hurting herself.

Adena was not sure what to think, less than a minute ago, the woman had been saying that Adena was a childish brat who should leave and never come back. Now, she was being kind to Adena, and she could not figure out why, her little speech had not been calculated to calm, she had in fact thought it would infuriate the other woman further. It made no sense whatsoever, if anyone had spoken to Adena that way, they would have found themselves in a punishment so quickly their head would spin. Of course, Mirazhe was doing a good job of making Adena's head spin as it was, maybe it was because she was tired or something, but it just made no sense. She tried to stop her thoughts from whizzing by so quickly, if she was going to reply to this woman in any semblance of intelligible words, she had to think more clearly. Of course Adena had originally planned on staying here until she could be safe, but it had turned out to be too much for her. She hated the idea of giving up, but in her life, she had never had to fight for anything really, nothing had ever been hard for her, all the lessons she had learned in Amadicia had been of how to become a true Lady, and that was exactly what she had wanted. Here, she faced the hardest life she had ever known, the most unfair, and on top of everything, she was training under the very women she loathed more than anything, except perhaps the ability that she also posessed.

Finally, she took a deep breath and thought that she could answer coherently, although she had no idea what to say. She could not come up with a single sarcastic remark that would not be out of place after what Mirazhe had said. Besides, another remark like that would likely not phase the woman, if her most recent reaction was anything to judge by. Without a snide or sarcastic remark at her disposal, Adena was at a loss for what to say, and she felt very unprotected. "Well," she finally began uncertainly, "I don't understand why you care so much about what everyone else thinks about you. And why should I stay here to avoid hurting myself, who would I really be helping then? What would I accomplish? I certainly wouldn't stay here to make you happy, nor anyone else in this Light-forsaken place, and I'm not happy here, so there's no way to win. Not that I have much choice now anyway, there's no way to get out of this place until they let you leave, I see that now." That last comment came unbidden, and as soon as she said it Adena wanted it back. It was a thought that had crossed her mind before, but saying it out loud meant that it was really true. Adena could not try to run away again, she already knew that in her mind, but she still liked to entertain ideas about getting away. Now that she had said out loud that it was impossible, she could never even imagine it anymore, not really. And the worst part was, she had admitted it to an enemy. Not only someone she hated as a person, but someone who was entirely under the lies of the Tower, someone who was a part of this society and who would, no doubt, be doing her own part to brainwash Adena. She tried not to let her emotions show on her face, but she was afraid that even her years of training to be a lady could not hide all of her thoughts, and she waited in fear of the next thing Mirazhe would say.

Mirazhe almost felt a surge of pity at Adena’s uncertain words. Then she remembered that the woman standing before her was the one who had hurt her, both physically and mentally, and had also insulted her family and upbringing. She squelched her pity and tried her hardest not to openly let her defenses down at Adena’s stark words. In them, Mirazhe had found the first signs of an emotion that wasn’t anger or loathing. Instead, she had heard something almost akin to fear, and resignation. What was it she had said? I certainly wouldn't stay here to make you happy, nor anyone else in this Light-forsaken place, and I'm not happy here, so there's no way to win. Light! Why did the woman have to be so difficult all the time? Couldn't she understand that her happiness lay in remaining at the White Tower? Adena was so focused on getting out of the White Tower that it made her blind to all the good things that would happen if she stayed in the White Tower. Not only would she learn to control her usage of saidar but if she worked hard enough, she could become Aes Sedai and earn her freedom from the White Tower, never mind the fact that she loathed everything the Aes Sedai stood for. It was a decision Adena was going to have to make, and since life was full of difficult decisions, Adena was going to have to learn fast.

And really, hadn't Mirazhe gone through the same thing all those years ago, when she had first been presented with the option of going to the White Tower? On one side had been her mother, the most beloved person in her life and the only member of her family she had left. On the other, some vague goal the Mirazhe had never heard of. Weigh those two, and it seemed obvious that staying with her mother would have been the better choice. Yet she'd chosen to go to the White Tower, forsake her family, enter a life completely alien to her, and work for a goal that she couldn't comprehend and might not even reach. She might never see her mother again because of what she'd done, and though she lamented her choice often, she could never find it in herself to completely regret her choice. Why? Because for the first time in her life, she was fighting for what she wanted. She wasn't going to hide behind her mother or father and let them decide for her. She wasn't going have someone else fight her battles for her. It was time for her to get rid of her shell and come out, to show the world that she, a little peasant girl from an unimportant village somewhere in Arafel, could actually accomplish something. And it was what lay at the end the drove Mirazhe to do what she was doing now.

With this understanding of herself came a surge of understanding for Adena. Suddenly, her indignation and anger had vanished away, leaving her with nothing more than reservation and a good deal of compassion. Adena, she now saw, was going through the same thing she was. Neither of them had chosen to come here completely out of their own free will (Adena much less than herself), and both of them had a huge weight upon them to be successful. And Adena had several more roadblocks that Mirazhe didn't have. She was haughty and proud, which didn't exactly endear her to others, and she, for some reason, appeared to have a strong aversion to channeling. But Adena had closed her mind entirely to the possibility of any good coming out of her learning to channel, and it was what had gotten her stuck in this mess. If only she could just loosen up a little, maybe learn to embrace her fear, but that was going to be hard to do, knowing Adena.

Finally, Mirazhe said, "Sometimes you have to decide, Adena, what is more important to you. If you would rather hurt others, and hurt yourself doing it, then go ahead. There's nothing I can do to stop you. Who knows, maybe it may help you in the future. But if you choose to learn to channel, then you won't be hurting yourself anymore. True, you might be helping the people you see as your 'enemies' but they don't control you. Once you become Aes Sedai, you'll have your freedom, something you don't have right now. You can leave the White Tower, and get your freedom back. You won't have to worry about being attacked, because you'll be able to defend yourself, and the world is so large that there's bound to be something to hold your interest. All it takes from you is a little determination. You can't just give up. You'll never get anywhere in life if you give up so easily. Maybe you're not used to having to work hard - all the ladies I've ever known have never had to work for anything in their life - but now is as good a time to learn as any other. Just try, Adena."

It was a long speech for Mirazhe, perhaps the longest she'd given in her life. For once, she hadn't said anything cruel or sarcastic or mean to Adena, which was a little surprising to her. She'd actually meant everything she'd just said. All she could hope for now was that Adena wasn't going to throw everything she'd said back in her face.

Mirazhe did not respond to Adena right away, which made Adena wonder and worry about what the other woman would say. When the Accepted did speak, she once again surprised Adena to no end. Rather than really answering anything she said, Mirazhe addressed Adena straight out, in what could almost have been called a challenge. She told Adena that she had to choose, she made the choice seem very easy, putting the choices as whether to hurt others or not to. Obviously, in those words, the clear choice was not to hurt others, that was what had lead her to the Tower in the first place, after all. But it was not that simple, Adena knew, that was why she had been arguing with herself and everyone else here since day one. Staying here may have meant not hurting others, but it also meant that she would have to either come to believe the lies that Aes Sedai did not follow the Dark One, or turn to become one of his followers herself, and neither of those was an option as far as she could see. She had to stand for the Light, no matter what, and that meant not buying into what the Aes Sedai tried to tell her. Mirazhe said that Adena could earn her freedom from the Tower by becoming Aes Sedai. Well, Adena supposed that was at least partly true, Aes Sedai seemed to be free to do whatever they wanted, but if they all served the Dark One, how much freedom could they really have? Besides, was that freedom worth all the years of slavery one had to endure to earn it? Women spent years as novice, and typically at least as long as that as Accepted before they finally gained this "freedom" that Mirazhe was talking about. Of course, it was easier for her, she was Accepted now, and much closer to that freedom.

Adena did not see why people could not seem to understand. Yes, staying here meant not hurting others, it meant breaking her block and keeping herself safe, but it also meant exposing herself to the taint of the Dark One that hung on this place and everyone that dedicated their lives to the Towers. She knew that, and she believed that, so why was it that no one else could get that through their brains? It was common knowledge in Amadicia, how the witches kept everyone else in the world from knowing that was completely beyond Adena. She thought about telling Mirazhe that, but was held back by the fact that the woman was already Accepted. Novices were not necessarily brainwashed by the witches, they had hope of getting out of this place, but Accepted were concidered sealed to the Tower, very few Accepted did not one day test for Aes Sedai, while there were many novices who never tested for Accepted. Accepted were expected to one day become Aes Sedai, unless they should fail their test or something, Adena supposed. And that meant that Mirazhe had already bought into the lies the witches fed, that it was too late to change her mind, most likely. Oh, Adena knew the old saying that no one was too far under the Shadow to come back as well as anyone else, but surely these Aes Sedai and their Accepted were exceptions to that rule. The only problem was, other than that, there was no way to make Mirazhe understand why Adena did not want to become Aes Sedai- refused to even. Because, outside of that, there was no reason not to, and Adena knew that very well, but although it was the only problem, it was a problem that Adena knew she could never compromise for. Standing for the Light was the most important thing, she could not give that up.

She took a deep breath, she knew Mirazhe wanted her to answer, and it upset Adena that she could not very well tell the truth. The only woman who had ever listened to her when she told the truth was Cayana, the Mistress of Novices. Of course, it was her job to listen to the novices, and to make sure that those who could and one day would be convinced to stay to become Aes Sedai. That was not Mirazhe's job, and very likely she would not take to the task well, even if that was not how Adena meant for a confession to go. She did not plan on letting anyone change her mind about this place, so in the end what was the point in telling someone else what her real problem with this place was? "It's not the work," she said aloud, almost unintentionally putting voice to her thoughts. "The work is hard, especially now, but what sort of lady would I be if I couldn't put up with something being a little harder than I wanted?" It was complete honesty, it was true that she had never had to work for anything in her life, but that did not mean she had not learned that sometimes things were worth working for. Young ladies were taught that although physical labor was below their station, sometimes they had to work very hard in other ways. Politics were not only a man's job after all, there were as many women involved in the Great Game and its undercurrents as men, and although Adena would never be High Seat of House Moren, she did have potential to marry a high ranking lord, perhaps even a High Seat of a very powerful House if she were lucky. Not so much any more of course, the most she could hope for now was a middling lord, not Amadician, but even weaker, smaller Houses sometimes played very important roles in history.

She did not offer to Mirazhe what the real problem was, knowing very well that the other woman would not like to hear it. She sort of guessed that the other woman would ask, but if there was any chance of just walking away without bringing the fact that Aes Sedai were Darkfriends into the conversation at all Adena very much would like to do so. Perhaps Mirazhe would just grow frustrated with her and walk away or something, and Adena would not have to get into that argument again. Time and time again, sisters had told her that what she had learned in Amadicia was false, but Adena did not believe it. If it was not true, why did Aes Sedai see the need to meddle in so many lives, why did they never care about anything more than their own personal goals? Also things that she had been taught in Amadicia, and that she had seen the truth of here. If those were true, then surely the information about sisters being Darkfriends was also, even if Adena had not technically seen any proof of that in the Towers. Of course, they would keep that away from the eyes of innocent, Light followers like herself, at least until they had her brainwashed to their side. Besides there were too many outsiders in the Towers at all times to be too open with that, if the world got wind of the truth, the Towers would find themselves besieged and defeated in no time, no matter how much they claimed the Shining Walls were impenetrable. Adena suppressed a sigh, it was all too much to think about, but the more she thought about it, even after all this time here, the more she believed the truth of what she had learned as a child.

Adena didn't say much in reply, which didn't help Mirazhe at all when it came to trying to understand the other woman. All she said was a mere mention of it not being the work, and a slightly sarcastic question of that fact. None of it really betrayed what Adean was thinking, though, and the other woman had a slightly faraway look to her, as if she were bringing back old memories. Mirazhe didn't fault the woman, but she had expected something after her heart-filled lecture, not a close return to the sarcasm and cruelty that had been Adena previously.

It wasn't quite clear to Mirazhe why she had this sudden urge to understand Adena and to want to help her. One moment, she'd been standing there, wishing Adena were a thousand miles away, and the next she'd been trying to fix all Adena's problems. It didn't make any sense at all. She shouldn't have wanted to help Adena, even if she was a nice person. Nice people were still allowed to hate others, weren't they? But here she was, standing in front of Adena and actually caring about what the woman was going to say next, and, of course, being disappointed when she wasn't given the chance to help.

It was strange, to say the least.

"So it's not the work. What is it then? You can tell me. I promise I won't go telling everyone else. If I make a promise, I keep it." Mirazhe didn't want to say too much or go beyond Adena's limits, but she was willing to keep a promise. It was surprising that she was willing to even make the offer, considering that the chances of Adena actually telling her were slim to none. More likely, Adena would probably laugh in her face, make fun of the fact that she had offered to make a promise, and the old, unpleasant Adena would return.

What could she do to show Adena that she really did mean what she had said? Adena had no reason to trust her, and this sudden turnaround of her personality would only serve to add more suspicion on Adena's part. Mirazhe was at a loss for something to say. It definitely wasn't a first, but this time, it bothered her more than it should have. She didn't like being at a loss for words - it made her feel small and inferior. Adena always seemed to know what to say, even if it was hurtful, and Mirazhe envied her because of it, just a little. If only Adena could see that she really had something to look forward to here, that her life wouldn't be a horrible track of never ending days....But Mirazhe was too shy and afraid to say more.


((Aaggh, really short and crappy. I promise it'll be better next time. x.x))

((Sorry, I didn't realize I didn't give you much to work with there, this one should be better :) Sorry it's so short though :/))

For yet another time in the past few minutes, Adena was surprised by Mirazhe. Again, she was nice in her reply, and seemingly even genuinely caring about Adena. She said that if it was not the work, then what was her problem? She promised not to tell anyone, and claimed that when she made a promise, she kept it. Why would Adena trust her thought? Why would she tell this woman that the truth was that she did not want to be surrounded by the touch of the Dark One, and that she did not one to become a minion of him or the witches. More than likely, Mirazhe would simplly tell her she was wrong, and shout at her for saying such a thing, that seemed like the sort of thing that she would do. But what could she do? She could simply give another sarcastic remark and act like nothing mattered, but she was still not sure how much more of that she could get away with and did not want to push her luck. She looked Mirazhe full in the face, at her eyes especially. The woman really did appear to want to know what was wrong, she actually looked like she cared. That just showed how much of an idiot she was though, why would she care about Adena? Adena had never been anything but rude, sarcastic and mean to her, and yet here was the woman actually wanting to know why Adena hated the Towers, apparently she had never been through anything similar as a novice, she had simply always loved the Towers and always dreamed of becoming Aes Sedai and nothing else. Well, unfortunately for the witches, not everyone was like that, not everyone bought into their lies that easily.

Adena made up her mind, she decided that she would tell this woman what she thought about this place. Doubtless that would teach her something about caring for people and being disappointed by them. She would not be able to find an answer to Adena's complaint, and would have no way of persuading Adena otherwise. If this girl wanted to become Aes Sedai, she had to learn that not everyone was as innocent and perfect as she was. "Well," Adena began, her voice strong and even, she did not have to be condecending in this, she was sure the words would do what she needed on their own, "if you must know, it's the very nature of this place. I don't understand how everyone can stand it, but I certainly can't and don't want to handle being in the presence of the Dark One all the time. Surely everyone who comes here is not a Darkfriend, but by the time most people've been here a few years, they're brainwashed into his service by the witches and everyone else here. Accepted included. I refuse to become a minion of the Dark One and being surrounded by his people is a cause of constant agony. For that reason I want out, but on the one occasion I tried I was caught and now realize that the witches won't let me go until they're good and ready to. Until then, I simply have to make sure I don't fall under your spell so that when the time comes that I will be able to walk out without looking back." Her words were even, clear and completely honest. She looked at Mirazhe's face, waiting to see her reaction to the direct accusation of being sworn to the Shadow. Well, the woman had asked what was wrong with the Towers, and now she knew. Hopefully her ideas that all humankind were kind enough to fit within her ideals were now shattered enough for her to have learned a lesson from it.

Dark One? Witches? Darkfriends?? Brainwashed??

The information, so new and horrifying, descended upon Mirazhe's brain, filling up every nook and cranny with terrying images of what Adena saw. Pictures of eerie dungeons with Aes Sedai torturing some poor soul...pictures of strange rituals...pictures that she couldn't even start to explain. How could this be...?

There might have been whispers of Darkfriends, rumors and the like, but Mirazhe had actually heard very few of them, and she'd never given any thought to them, because rumors were things akin to lies, warped and twisted after each retelling. How was she to know what was true and what wasn't? Mirazhe had never directly heard someone saying that the White Tower was full of Darkfriends.

Until now, from Adena.

How much did Adena know? Was she guessing...or did she actually have proof that the Aes Sedai brainwashed people into believing things they wouldn't ordinarily believe? But, more importantly, was such a thing even possible? Mirazhe refused to believe that the Aes Sedai were 'witches' in service of the Dark One. All the Aes Sedai she knew hated the Dark One with a passion. They were committed to fighting him and his Shadowspawn, eliminating them from the world. That was something so widespread that it was hard to believe that people could believe otherwise. But apparently, they did, if Adena's testimony was any indication.

Mirazhe wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She liked believing that her idols were people that could do no bad, and if that made her naive, then she was fine with it. But she also knew there were Darkfriends in the world. That was a fact that couldn't be denied. While it was doubtful that the majority of the Aes Sedai were Dark One worshippers, there could be one or two that were Darkfriends. Though one and two was hardly an accurate description, seeing as how many Aes Sedai and Accepted and so forth there were in the White Tower. Even if only one percent of the entire Tower were Darkfriends, that would mean a couple dozen of them, at the very least.

"I...." The Accepted was at a loss for words. How could she say anything to Adena when she herself didn't even know what she thought? It was all so confusing. "I don't think that everyone here is a Darkfriend. There might be a couple of Darkfriends in the White Tower, but I'm sure not everyone is. And if the Aes Sedai, whom you call witches, are trying to brainwash us, how come I haven't started referring to the Dark One as the......Great Lord, or whatever Darkfriends call him?" Mirazhe was gaining a little bit of strength back in her voice, and she was starting to be more sure of what she was saying.

"I'll admit, I'm fairly gullible, so I would be one of the first people to be 'brainwashed' as you put it. And I'm sure that if there were Darkfriends everywhere, there would be some sort of sign, at least. I'm not trying to be stubborn, I just.....don't want to believe what you're saying," she finished lamely.

((Wow, that's quite possibly the best argument for the sake of the Towers I've ever heard, honestly. I don't know how Adena can counter that :blink: ))

Adena watched as Mirazhe's face registered open astonishment, apparently the woman did not know what to think about the fact that Adena knew exactly what the Towers' plan was. When she spoke though, Adena realized that she could not have been more wrong. It originally appeared that the woman did not know what to say, she simply trailed off at her first attempt to speak. When she could talk, she said that she did not think everyone here was a Darkfriend, although she did concede that there might be a few. Adena barely hid her own astonishment at this statement. At every other turn, she had always heard the existence of Darkfriends completely denied within the Towers, all the witches said that no sister would be loyal to the Shadow. Mirazhe came back with another simple question, asking why Mirazhe did not refer to the Dark One as the Great Lord, and then admitted openly that she was rather gullible. Quite a fine trait in a future sister, even someone as against them as Adena knew that Aes Sedai could not be gullible. She did not have long to think about that though, as Mirazhe said that if there were Darkfriends all around there would have to be some sign, and then said that she simlpy did not believe Adena. Light, but that had been the last thing Adena expected. She had thought that the woman would shout a denial, or at the very least tell her very sternly that there were no Darkfriends in the Towers and that she would do well to remember it in the future, at the worst, she had expected to be sent for punishment, but never in her wildest dreams would she have thought this would be the reaction.

Adena looked at Mirazhe for a few moments, sure that her own incredulity was showing on her face, but not worried about it for the moment. It was unladylike, but that was the farthest thing from her mind right now. She rubbed a hand over her eyes, as if that would help clear her head of the confusion she was suffering just then. Adena had assumed that, in such a situation as this, the Accepted would all be taught exactly what to say, just in case someone like Adena who knew the truth was brave enough to say it to one of them. But, here was Mirazhe in what was clearly a completely unpracticed response, one simple and plain. In any other argument, it would have been entirely unconvincing, but the innocence and immediate reaction of it made Adena think that Mirazhe actually meant what she said. Of course, a small voice in the back of her mind told her that the Dark One was capable of many things that Adena could never dream of, but for some reason, that voice was for perhaps the first time, drowned out by the candidness of Mirazhe's astonished answer. Adena took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. She had to find some way to figure this out. Somehow, all the arguments she had been hearing in all her years in the Towers had meant nothing to her, but this simple remark from one of the Accepted had caught her this much off her guard? Light, did that mean that the Aes Sedai were brainwashing her even while she was doing her very best to keep from absorbing their lies? It was an automatic thought, one that she clung to although for the first time in her life she was not entirely certain of its truth.

All her life, Adena's mother had taught her how to live as a lady, how to conduct herself and had imparted manners to her daughter. She had also taught lessons about the world, as every good mother did, and the most important of those lessons had been that channeling was evil, it was the taint of the Dark One, and anyone who could channel was a Darkfriend. Adena no longer believed that exactly as her mother did, since she knew she was no Darkfriend, and yet she could channel. She had, over the past several years, changed her belief to hold that people who channeled willingly were under the Dark One's taint. People like Adena who channeled without meaning to were put under an unfair trial by the Creator, to see if they were loyal enough to the Light to withstand the brainwashing of the witches, and since coming to the Towers Adena had done just that. Until now, now she was not sure whether her mother's convictions were true. Surely if an entire nation believed it it had to be true, but juding by Mirazhe's reaction, not every nation believed that. Oh, Adena had always known that other nations did not concider channeling to be the Dark One's touch, but until just now she had not really believed that they could see it as anything less than a curse that deserved to be severely punished. Adena took yet another deep breath and looked at Mirazhe. What could she say to this woman? She wanted the Accepted to say something that would reinforce what Adena had always believed- that the Aes Sedai and Asha'man were all Darkfriends, and she was very much afraid that the next thing Mirazhe said would do anything but that. Still, something had to be done. She swallowed hard and spoke hesitantly, fearfully, for perhaps the first time in her life, "You really didn't know that? Everyone knows that in Amadicia, it's common knowledge that willfully channeling is the sign of a Darkfriend." She tried to sound sure of herself, but failed and knew it. She tried to form her words in a way that would make Mirazhe's answer more likely to confirm the Amadician beliefs, but at the same time knew that it was hopeless.

(OOC: Heh, totally wrote down the first thing that popped into my head. Honestly, I thought it sounded kind of cheesy, but if you like it, all the better.)

Mirazhe’s argument – which had sounded rather weak to her own ears – was received with more incredulity than she could have ever expected. There was no disbelieving snort or sarcastic laughter followed by a scathing reprisal. Instead, Adena just stood there, eyes wide, surprise written openly across her elegant face. Mirazhe didn’t think she’d ever seen Adena look this way before. It made her seem more human in a way, perhaps giving proof that even the haughtiest lord and lady could still lose their composure every now and then. It was comforting in a way…yet it was also slightly worrying. Adena had always been pillar of dependability in Mirazhe’s life. Not in the way that most people wanted, but Mirazhe knew she could always count on Adena to be arrogant and proud. Now, though, things were changing, and Mirazhe didn’t like it. She preferred her life nice and simple. Like how things had been back in Arafel, before all this Aes Sedai business. Her life had been happy then, and while she hadn’t exactly been sure what she was going to do with her future, she had known it wouldn’t be anything extravagant. Maybe get married and have kids and stay on a farm. But now she was here in the White Tower, with her entire life planned out in front of her. Become an Aes Sedai and stay in the White Tower for the rest of her life, a change brought about with the death of her father. That had been the pebble that started the avalanche. It had taken her a good ten years to get over the disruption of her once simple life, to settle into a new routine and make that into habit. Now, just when she’d started to get used to it, things were changing once again. Adena was changing, from the hot-tempered lady she’d been to someone more held back, more reserved and thoughtful, with occasional traces of kindness and respect showing through. Mirazhe knew that change could be a good thing, and often was, but she was a traditionalist at heart, and she couldn’t bring herself to accept the fact. Not yet. She would probably always be one step behind compared to everyone else. When Adena spoke, Mirazhe had to shake herself out of her thoughts so she could hear what was being said.

“You really didn't know that? Everyone knows that in Amadicia, it's common knowledge that willfully channeling is the sign of a Darkfriend.”

So that was where all of Adena’s strange ideas had come from. Mirazhe really couldn’t fault the other woman now for acting as she did sometimes. There were so many countries that Mirazhe, despite her many hours of research, still didn’t know anything about, besides the basics. She could probably rattle off the capital city and current ruler and population, but beliefs, culture, customs…those were things that couldn’t be gotten off a simple geography map. Even if she spent the next decade of her life studying just one country out of them all, she still would barely begin to scratch the surface of that complex culture. Perhaps she would be an expert on knowing the different facets of their beliefs, maybe some traditions, but she would never really understand the undercurrent that drove those people to do what they did. Adena had been sorely affected by that knowledge. What must it have been like to be possessed of the power to channel in a country where any form of channeling was outlawed? But they weren’t in Amadicia anymore, and the likelihood was great that Adena would never even see her home country again. Of course, why Adena would want to return to Amadicia and be labeled as a Darkfriend was beyond her.

“If willfully channeling is the sign of a Darkfriend, then both you and I must be Darkfriends. Yet I know that I’m not a Darkfriend, and judging from your behavior, I’m pretty sure you’re not either.” Mirazhe was taking charge now, asserting herself with confidence she only hoped she had. “I’m not saying that the Amadician belief is wrong, but it could be twisted somehow. I don’t want to rip you of you beliefs, but you’re not in Amadicia anymore, and it won’t hurt you to channel. Just learn to, a little, and see where you get with it. If it doesn’t work out, then you can always come blame me later.”

Adena was again surprised by Mirazhe's reaction, well, perhaps confused was a better word than surprised. She did not ridicule Adena for her belief, no more than she had before. She simply said that Adena was not in Amadicia anymore, and she should learn to channel, it could not hurt. She also said, thought, that perhaps Adena's belief was not wrong, just twisted. Adena could see no way that could be true, either all channelers were Darkfriends, or they were not, there was no twisting that, was there? How could that be only partially true? Of course, in defending her own position, Adena had twisted it a bit, in reality, the Amadician belief was that everyone who could channel was a Darkfriend, not just those who channeled willingly. Adena had done a good job of convincing herself that it had to be willful channeling over the past several years though, since she was obviously not a Darkfriend and would never be such. She looked at Mirazhe, wondering what the woman thought. She had assumed that everyone knew what Amadicians believed about channelers, but here was someone who had made it to the second tier in the Towers without learning what was perhaps one of the most known things about Amadicians, although surely the woman had taken culture classes as a novice. Clearly, she needed to review them if she could not even recall that fact. It was, perhaps, one thing not to know that coming into the Towers, depending upon one's position, but after this long, surely she should have known by now.

That was not something to dwell on though, and Adena was still confused by what Mirazhe had said. "You say that not everyone here is a Darkfriend, but you also say that it's possible my Amadician belief is only twisted, how can that be?" she asked, clearly puzzled. "It's a very black or white belief, I don't understand how it could have started out based on truth if you say that it is not true now." She did her very best to sound as though she were not giving up on that strong conviction, but she knew it came out sounding like she was giving in, and was only picking apart details now. Unfortunately, Adena had to admit to herself that that was exactly what she was doing. Truth to tell, she was not totally picking it apart because of her own desire to save her belief- although that was part of it -mostly it was just to see how Mirazhe's claim could be true, if it was possible at all. She was more curious about the thought process that had prompted the Accepted to say that than anything else.

Adena took a deep breath and tried not to let her thoughts run away with her. She thanked the Light that she was so curious about Mirazhe's wording, if not, she did not know what she would do. On a level she did not dare contemplate, she knew everything had to change. She did not want it to, but she knew it would. She had, for perhaps the first time, come up against an argument she could not counter, at least, not well. Oh, of course she could come up with some arguments to the contrary, and she promised herself that she would later tonight, before she went to bed, but she could not promise herself that she would believe them. She was no longer sure where she stood, and she knew it was a dangerous position to be in. If she stayed here long, ready to fall to either side with the slightest push, she knew the witches would push her into their belief. The thought upset her, she still did not want that. She did not want to become a slave to the Aes Sedai and the Amyrlin Seat. She still wanted to live her own life, away from this place, and while not in Amadicia, still someplace she could be happy, raise her own family and stay far removed from the influence of the Towers.

((Ugh, I'm so sorry about the lateness <_<....))

Black and white belief? That may have been true, but it all depended on how one viewed it. Maybe something in the wording, because it didn't seem all that black and white to Mirazhe. She'd interpreted it as whether all channelers were Darkfriends, but that couldn't have been right. She dug back in her memory....and recalled what Adena had said earlier, a phrase that made more sense in this context.

"Everyone knows that in Amadicia, it's common knowledge that willfully channeling is the sign of a Darkfriend."

The key words in that sentence were "willfully channeling," which, Mirazhe supposed were better than just "channeling" by itself, but it still wasn't very complementary to the White Tower and the Aes Sedai. Of course, Adena hated the Aes Sedai with a passion, so that wasn't very helpful. Unless.....

There was the possibility that all the conversation they'd had and all the questions she'd asked had all been going down the wrong track. Maybe it wasn't the Aes Sedai that were the direct problem, though they certainly seemed part of it. Maybe it went deeper than that. Mirazhe knew that Adena disliked channeling. Her beliefs seemed to explain that well enough, but was it because she thought all channelers were Darkfriends, or because she was afraid that she was a Darkfriend? Adena had never seemed to be the sort that would be afraid of anything, but she was only human, and everyone had something that they were afraid of. Oftentimes, those who were the most proud had the most difficulty revealing their terrors.

Perhaps this was the case with Adena. It wasn't the Aes Sedai that she hated, it was herself. She hated what she thought she was, who she thought she was, and was afraid that she'd turn out to be the one thing that she never wanted to be. It was a terrifying thought, and if it was true, then it explained a whole lot. Why she hated channelers, why she always seemed so terrified when she did accidentally channel- because that was the heart of the problem, wasn't it. It was her channelling that caused the problems and no particular fault of the White Tower or the Aes Sedai.

Life was so unfair at times. The White Tower was Mirazhe's heaven, but apparently, it was Adena's worst nightmare. Everything she hated and feared was wrapped up here into one neat little package: Aes Sedai. And of course Adena wouldn't want to learn how to channel, because then, if he beliefs were correct, she'd be a Darkfriend, and if Mirazhe knew anything about Amadicia, it was that Darkfriends were reviled and detested.

So now what? What was she supposed to do with this pretty little problem? It was clear she couldn't just take Adena and hand her off to the nearest Aes Sedai to fix. Not only would that end up contradicting everything she'd said in the last half hour, it would also only serve to reinforce Adena's fear. Clearly this was something she was going to have to deal with herself, no matter how much she didn't want to.

"Mostly everything that you hear nowadays has been twisted, in some form or another, through unspoken meanings and hints, implications. The original saying may have been different from what you know now. It is possible," and Mirazhe was treading very thin ground now that she was even mentioning the subject, "that there are Aes Sedai who are, errr, Darkfriends....but the majority of them are not. Or at least, I should hope not." That really was a sobering thought, and one she never wanted to think again. "So your belief isn't exactly wrong, it just isn't...right."

Mirazhe was acutely aware at this point that she wasn't making a whole lot of sense. She knew what she wanted to say, but she just wasn't quite sure how to say it.