Name: Elsarine Mordred
Age: 19
Nationality: Tarien
Height: 6’
Weight: 128
Hair color/Length: She has red hair that goes a little past her shoulders, and it usually hides her eyes.
Eye Color: A deep ocean blue, a color that you wouldn’t be able to forget easily.
Personality: Elsarine is quiet; she only talks unless she has something to say. She has a quick ability at learning things fast.
Gaidin Path~ specializes in a short sword or knives
Holding the dead body of her father, Elsarine held back the tears that she couldn’t allow come. It was one of the scariest things to see someone she loved die in front of her and it had happened again. A single tear escaped and slide down her nose. She quickly wiped it away hoping that no one would have noticed, but the street was empty compared to what it was a few seconds ago. A black cat ran across the dusty street and disappeared into an adjoining one. Why didn’t she take the warning more seriously?
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“You think you can do this Elsarine?” her father looked at her straight in the eye.
Elsarine thought that if he could read her mind, he wouldn’t let her. “I can try can’t I? I am not going to let the same thing that happened to mom happen to me.”
Her father sighed and handed her the knife again. She was trying to aim at the tiniest knot on the tree and so far she wasn’t doing very well. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and tried to picture in her mind the tree, then the knot. Opening her eyes she let the knife fly from her hands and it hit the center of the knot, making a deep thud.
“Finally,” she muttered.
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“Don’t panic, whatever you do don’t panic!” she mumbled to herself.
Else had to stay in control, it was how she handled most situations. Usually she was the one who stopped the fights between her brother and father, always the one to keep her cool. Never losing it unless someone pushed her to the limit.
She had to find her brother. He would know what to do, but first she had to get rid of her father’s body. Slowly lifting the body onto her shoulders, he was much heavier then she had imagined. Taking careful steps, a foot in front of the other, the pain became deeper and deeper.
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Nervously biting her lip, Elsarine had waited for the last hour making sure that her brother and father were asleep. Tonight was the night and it was time, at last. Getting slowly up from her bed, she made sure not to make any noise. Opening the window carefully, couldn’t let it squeak like it usually did. Taking one last glance over her room making sure everything was in place. Satisfied, Else climbed through the open window and jumped to the street below. The place she wanted to go wasn’t the typical place for a sixteen year old girl.
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His body burned. The clothes went first and then shortly the skin began to bubble and turn black. The shadows from the fire fell on his face making it seem like he was talking. Elsarine averted her gaze. Her father was one of the last people that she had counted on. She expected him to always be there in her life. The fire was slowly dying and with it went her hope that she would be safe.
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Trash blew across the shadowy streets, making noises that made her jump. There were few people out this late at night. The only ones that she had saw were extremely drunk and wouldn’t have noticed her if she was right in front of them. Elsarine looked ahead and noticed that she was almost there, just a few more steps. The tavern was brightly lit and its sign swung in the breeze. The Golden Keg is all that she could make out. This was the place where she would complete her mission. To kill the people that had hurt and killed her mother, while Elsarine hid and watched them do it.
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“Temar, dad’s dead.” She could barely say those words without tears coming to her eyes. She hadn’t been so vulnerable since their mother died.
Temar turned around and looked at her with the very same blue eyes that she had. “What did you do with the body?”
“I burned it, Temar. It’s what he wanted and I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you but I was in shock.” She looked away from his face, his eyes held too much pain. First mom and now dad, oh why did I go after them?
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Hesitantly, she went up to the door. What am I doing, I’m not nearly as experienced as they are. The door flew open and a man with black hair tumbled out. Elsarine could smell the lingering signs of booze and sweat on him; she eyed his arms to see if they had the tattoo of the snake’s fangs. Nope. He mumbled a few words at her and staggered down the shadow filled street. Elsarine shook herself and carefully walked in. She knew she would stick out like a sore thumb, because she was so young, but still had to chance it.
Looking around she tried to see if any of the men had the tattoo, with no success she went to go sit at a table by the fire. “Hey girl,” Elsarine froze and slowly turned around, a playful smile on her face.
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“I am going to go look for anyone who could have known what happened.” Temar looked at her one last time before he left through the door.
“Yeah, I know what happened, Temar. I was standing fifteen feet away and someone came up behind dad. He turned around and he had a look of surprise on his face. That person, whoever it was, stabbed him. He didn’t even have a chance, dead before I even got to him and his attacker, just disappeared.” Elsarine said out loud to the fireplace.
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The man that stood before her had shaggy brown hair and he was too tall for her preference. Keeping the playful smile on her lips Elsarine asked, “What do you want?”
Her eyes gave off a dangerous twinkle, but the man didn’t seem to notice. He pointed at a table with four men sitting there, “Those men over there want to talk to you.”
Then he gave her a wink and left. Elsarine looked uneasily at the men over at the table littered with empty mugs. The one with the blonde hair looked right back at her, he seemed incredibly familiar.
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The picture…where was the picture? Elsarine had to find it; it was the last thing that she had to remind her of her parents. Running to her father’s room, because it wasn’t in her room, she started to look in his drawers. Unsuccessful she ran to the closet and running her hand along the shelf. Feeling something sharp and cold to the touch, Elsarine quickly grabbed it.
“I found it.” She half whispered and half mumbled to herself.
The picture was of her mother and father. Her mother was exceedingly beautiful and Elsarine could see why her father fell in love with her. She had flowing reddish, brown hair and beautiful green eyes; that always changed a different color in the light. Her father had a look of pure pride on his face, probably because this picture was painted a few days after they were married.
They had met in the most bizarre situation. While her father was doing his rounds around the city, her mother was sneaking around people’s house, stealing their possessions. It was quite accidental that Elsarine’s father ran into their mother. It had just rained that night and the rooftops were exceedingly wet. Her mother slipped and tumbled down the roof. Their father, going by just at that time, heard the commotion, so he went to go investigate. What he found was a woman lying on the street unconscious.
So he took her to his house and called in a healer. When her mother finally woke up, she realized she was in a place she was never in before and that there was a man that she had never seen before. They kept in touch after that and a year later they got married.
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Sitting down nervously, Elsarine anxiously checked to see if she had her knives in place, hoping that they wouldn’t notice. “That guy over there,” she points to the man that talked to her, “said you wanted to talk to me. So start talking.”
The three other men looked at the man with the blonde hair, expecting him to talk. He must be the leader. “We know who you are…Elsarine. You have decided to come after us, haven’t you, because of what we did to your mother?”
Elsarine shook, how could they have possibly known? It had been a few years since they killed her. It slowly dawned on her that they had been smarter then she thought they would have been. Quickly standing up, Elsarine grabs her knife. The men seeing her intentions grabbed her wrist in a firm grip.
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There was a faint knock at the door and Elsarine jumped. Carefully putting back the painting of her parents and walked rigidly to the door. Calm yourself, don’t worry it isn’t them. Elsarine slowly opened the door and was shocked; he never came to her house, unless it was in the utmost importance.
“Wh…what are you doing here?” she could hardly speak from surprise. “Where have you been? Did you find out anything?”
The man standing across from her crossed his arms and looked at her with depressing eyes. “I think it would be best if you sat down Else.”
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Elsarine cursed herself, for letting her feelings get in the way of the fight. It was just what the man wanted her to do, make a mistake. Bending her wrist into the direction of the thumb, she got it free. Hitting the man that was holding her, in the face and then the stomach; she turns around to face the man with the blonde hair, forgetting about everyone else in the tavern.
The blonde haired man just smiled at her. “Just like your mother fought until the very last minute. It’s just too bad that she had to die. Probably wouldn’t have if she had only given me what I wanted!”
The blood drained from her face and the tears started to fall. He just stared at her a satisfied smile on his lips. Before she knew what she was doing she hit him across the face. The anger was all that consumed her and it was coursing through her entire body. The tavern was rapidly emptying, but Elsarine didn’t notice. All she noticed was the man in front of her.
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Elsarine cradle her head in her hands, too much had happened too fast. She looked up at Colin, “Are you sure it was him?”
Colin looked at her with those same depressed eyes, “Yes, he has been involved ever since your father stopped you from killing that man who killed…your mother.”
Elsarine quickly wiped away a tear, her own brother! How could he? “Do you know where he is Colin?”
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A knife appeared in her hand instantly, but she was confused, why wasn’t he fighting back? That was when she felt the hand on her shoulder. Elsarine froze, the knife inches away from the man’s heart. Turning her head, she saw the blonde haired man’s three other companions, dead, and her father looking down at her with very grave eyes.
Her father looked over at the man that was cleaning a bloody sword, the same man that pointed Elsarine to the four men. “Get her out of here, Colin!”
She was almost out the door when the blonde haired man laughed, “Don’t worry Else; I will get everyone that you have ever loved.”
And with that Elsarine ran out the door, not looking back, tears streaming down her face. What had she gotten herself into?
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“You know what is strange, Colin? The man that threatened me, just escaped, do you think that Temar might have gone to go see him?” Standing up Elsarine walked to the door not waiting for a reply. She had to find her brother.
“Else,” she turned around at the sound of his apprehensive voice, “just be careful, okay. I love you like a sister and I don’t want anything to happen. I would never forgive myself.”
“I love you too, Colin.”
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“Don’t you ever do that again!” Her father stood in a rigid stance, from all the stress. “You could’ve been killed!”
Elsarine looked away from shame and stared out the window. The sky was beginning to show a faint pink from the coming dawn. It had seemed just a few moments ago that she had left to find him. “Sorry…” she said quietly, “but he killed mom and I had to watch on, while I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t let her death go un-avenged.”
She glanced back up at her father. He was rubbing his hand through his dark hair, another sign of stress. “I want you to let it go. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you…or your brother. That man could’ve have killed you. Right now he is in custody and I found out from the soldiers that his name is Jin. Elsarine, please just let it go…don’t do anymore late night wanderings!”
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Temar stood before her and Else took in the sight of him. The way his hair was ruffled and how he had a grace about him when he walked. “Hey, Else, what’s wrong?”
Elsarine was surprised at his question but she had to make it look like everything was okay. That she didn’t know what he did. “What’s wrong, you ask! Well, our father just died! Temar, not even seven hours have passed and I find you drinking! And you ask me what is wrong?”
Temar stood up and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Lets take this outside, okay.” She let him lead the way out, she was too angry to do anything. As soon as they were outside Elsarine turned around, “Why, Temar, why did you do it. Why did you kill DAD?”
Temar’s eyes hardened and his whole posture changed, he looked deadly, ready to pounce at anytime. “He asked and dad never loved me, he loved you more. Always teaching you how to use those special little knives of yours. Well, I wanted something too. So after mom died, I went to go find who killed her. When I found him, I almost died too, but he offered me something that I just couldn’t refuse. Later, when you almost killed him, he asked me to get rid of you two, first dad and then you. I’m sorry Else.”
Grabbing his sword Temar swung it so fast, that Else barely had anytime to get out of the way. Feeling a burning sensation up her arm, she looked at it. A trickle of blood seeped over the cut and down her arm. Using her legs, she took out Temar’s feet from underneath him. He hit the ground hard and his head impacted with the earth, his whole body convulsed. Not wasting anytime Elsarine jumped on him, her knife inches away from his neck.
“Do it Else, I don’t care, in fact I have been waiting for it. I have nothing!”
His eyes didn’t even show fear; they seemed to accept defeat and a readiness to die. Suddenly remorseful, Elsarine inched her knife away from his neck. “No, Temar, you would just be taking the easy way out and I wouldn’t be able to kill my own brother even if you have done things that are horrible.”
Standing up, she turned to leave. “This is the biggest mistake you will have ever made and you are giving me no choice. I will find you, wherever you are, and I will kill everyone you love.”
A chill went through her body, Elsarine recognized those words. It had been a long time ago since she heard them. She was glad that her back was turned away from him, because she didn’t want him to see her cry. “Goodbye, Temar.” And she disappeared into the shadows.
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Hidden in the shadows Elsarine looked at the faint silhouette of Colin in the window.
He had been there ever since the incident with Jin and they had been extremely close since then. She wasn’t going to face him, deciding she would never be able to leave if she saw him, one last time. Already choked up from tears she whispered, “Goodbye, Colin.” She would have to give up her painful past to where she was going. With a determined shrug to her shoulders, Elsarine took her first steps to Tar Valon.
Okay, sorry I haven't gotten to this quite yet, I just want to let you know I haven't forgotten. Later tonight or Sunday at the latest I'll be able to tell you for sure. :)
Okay, I must admit, your bio confused me a little. Going back and forth with two different stories was hard to keep straight, although I see that they're both important things that happened in her lifetime. They did make more sense at the end, when they were tied together, but all the same, it was odd. I have no problems with characters having flashbacks, it's just that in a biography type setting it's odd, because a bio is supposed to be more like a story of her life. Also, although you've given me lots of good information about how she thinks and feels, I really don't know anything about Else's life, she has a brother, and had a mom and a dad, but I don't know anything else. I assume she grew up in Tear, but maybe not. I'd like to see more about how her early life was, prove to me that her father loved Else more, or at least show me why Temar thought he did.
So, it's a great basis for your bio, I really like it, I just need a few things. 1) I need to be less confused as I read the two stories, you can do that a number of different ways, and if you'd like some ideas I'll be glad to help. :) 2) I need to know more about her childhood and general details about her life. 3) This may seem a little picky, but I couldn't help but notice it. Else's Aiel mother was stealing? This would be a major infringement of ji'e'toh and so I need you to either change it and make them meet some other way, or come up with a really good explanation as to what would make an Aiel steal.
Aside from what Sapphira already told you, I think you may want to go back over it and fix your tenses. Everything on the site is in past tense, except during the flash backs of course. but you got confused in a couple of areas.