It was terrible. Farina wanted to become Aes Sedai so much that she had left two children behind, but the past few days had made her re-evaluate the sensibility of her choice. Of course Farina had expected punishments and extra chores after running away and returning two years later, but this was just cruel. When she had first heard her punishment, she had been kind of relieved because it hadn't sounded that bad. Just a lot of extra chores for a long long time. But after she had done those chores for a few weeks, Farina was already completely fed up with them.

She woke up before sunrise and went to bed long after dark. And everything in the middle was chores. Of course she had a few classes, but only the most necessary and compulsory ones. She would have to study and train excessively after the punishment was done to catch up. And then she had the occasional half an hour to eat. The rest - chores.

Farina was sure that every Aes Sedai had heard about her crime and therefore loathed her. Why else would they give her the hardest, dirties, dullest and most back-breaking chores imaginable? She had scrubbed huge pots, washed lavatories, run errands, cleaned chimneys, chopped logs, washed huge piles of laundry, and pretty much done anything the Aes Sedai could think of making her do. And they were not running out of ideas. Farina was sure that they would think of a hundred new ways to make her carry heavy things, clean filthy things and do boring jobs that made her mind numb before the end of the month.

Today she was in the mercy of the Browns. She had already unpacked several huge boxes of books and packed several others. She had also carried those boxes to different locations in the White Tower and dusted more stuffy storing rooms than she could count-Now she was supposed to check that all the books in the shelves were in the right place and in alphabetical order and find the right place to the possible misplaced books. It wasn't hard as such, but it was unbelievably dull. And when she did find a misplaced book, it took forever to find its place.

She had already advanced to the history section where she examined the rows of books, her finger dragging across the bookspines as she stared at the titles. Farina was constantly scared of falling asleep, and there was always the pain of losing another child in the background of her mind, but she tried to remain alert by putting extra thought to every title. The titles were incredibly dull as well, so that attempt proved fruitless. She sighed and straightened her back for a moment and let her eyes leave the books. And they met the most welcome sight.

Mirazhe loved the Library. Honestly, she couldn't think of any place she'd rather be. The Gardens were lovely, the mess halls provided food, and the classrooms, obviously, were full of classes, but there was nothing quite like an afternoon spent amid shelves and shelves and books. She almost wanted to cry in happiness. Of course, everybody else thought she was an absolute lunatic for loving the Library so much, but Mirazhe didn't think it was all that strange. She was headed for the Brown Ajah, after all, and the primarily goal of the Browns was to discover new things. How were they supposed to do that if they didn't learn about everything they could? And it wasn't just the Browns that were supposed to learn, but everyone in the world. The human life was all about learning, and the best place for that was the Library in the White Tower.

Mirazhe had heard that it was the largest library in all the world, with the most books and references out of anywhere in the world, and she could easily believe. All it took was one look at the humongous place, and you could be quite sure that nothing was going to top it. The Library was a room so big you could explore for days and never go through the same shelf twice. But those were just facts, and facts were kind of boring.

Today, Mirazhe was looking for some titles that she didn't quite know where they were located. A friendly Aes Sedai pointed out the place, and volunteered to take her nearby, an offer which she readily accepted. It was far away from where most of the shelves were, at the way back of the Library. Most everything was covered in dust, a sure sign that not many people strayed this way. There was no noise and no movement, creating a slightly creepy atmosphere.

With a kind smile, the Aes Sedai left her to walk the remaining few feet by herself. The quietness made her a little nervous, and Mirazhe kept glancing this way and that, as if to reassure herself that nothing was going to happen to her. Of course nothing was, but she was a little paranoid at times. If she'd had a book in her hands, though, it would have been a completely different matter.

Turning the corner, Mirazhe stopped dead when she saw that someone was already where she needed to be, slowly stacking books onto the shelf. The girl, dressed in an Accepted dress, looked familiar, but Mirazhe couldn't see her face. Then she looked up, and Mirazhe gave a start of recognition.

"Farina! Why are you here? Light, I haven't seen you in the longest time!"

Farina hadn't seen Mirazhe in... well, at least two years. She was already wearing the Accepted dress like Farina, an achievement on which Farina would make sure to congratulate her later. But now... Farina had to bit her lip to stop herself from crying. So much had happened and Mirazhe was one of the few people who Farina genuinely was glad to see. Farina didn't have that many friends, and she had seen none of them after her raising. The raising itself had been painful enough, not to mention her regretful night with the Master of Soldiers, running away from the Tower, leaving her new child and then coming back and now the punishment. Mirazhe's was the first friendly face she had seen since she came back. Farina hadn't realised how lonely she had been until now.

Farina looked around quickly, but the Brown Aes Sedai had left her by herself. She smiled and rushed to Mirazhe, hugging her as tight as she could. "You will never believe how glad I am to see you again," she said hoarsely before reluctantly letting go. She was so happy to see someone who would understand her pain, someone who wouldn't judge her...

A new wave of pain came when she realised that she couldn't possibly tell Mirazhe. She didn't like to think that she didn't trust Mirazhe, but if the Aes Sedai found out, they would surely send her out of the Tower. Farina had already left behind so much to become an Aes Sedai that she wouldn't let go of her chance to become one lightly. She had already risked too much. She would not risk even telling Mirazhe. And it wasn't just about her. There was Asha'man Edeleas. No one would know about that, Farina would make sure of that. No one would know about anything. Not even Mirazhe. Farina begged the Light that she would understand.

She would have to say something, though. Mirazhe must have heard that she had ran away. Everyone seemed to have heard of that. "I came back," she said finally. "I spent two years in Andor, and now I'm back." She hated lying to Mirazhe. "Please don't ask my why I left, I really can't talk about it right now." Maybe she could tell her later. She could tell everything later. She was just afraid that that later would come after she had been at least raised to Aes Sedai. "But now I'm here and the Mistress of Novices made sure that I have my hands full," she said a bit bitterly. "Not that I'm complaining. I'm just glad they took me back. But anyway, I'm supposed to be doing chores, so if an Aes Sedai comes, you are just asking me about a book," she said with a slight smile.

Mirazhe returned Farina’s hug with equal happiness before stepping back and letting Farina speak. She’d known that Farina hadn’t been in the Tower – nobody could possibly have stayed hidden that long without a very good reason – and the gossip going around the Tower about Farina’s disappearance had led her to assume that Farina had run away. What she hadn’t understood was why Farina had wanted to run away. Farina hadn’t seemed like the sort of person who couldn’t stand living in the Tower, with its rules and high expectations. When they had been roommates, before Farina had been raised, she’d been full of determination to reach Aes Sedai, more than any of the other roommates. Running away could have ruined her chances of ever reaching the shawl, and so it had never occurred to Mirazhe that Farina would have considered running away.

There had to be some other explanation. Maybe there’d been some sort of family crisis, or maybe there’d been something happening to Farina at the White Tower that she couldn’t handle? Although, Farina mentioned that she’d been in Andor –Andor! – and nothing really explained why she would have gone to Andor. It didn’t make any sense to Mirazhe, and puzzled her greatly. Mirazhe didn’t like being puzzled. She also didn’t like being kept in the dark, but if Farina didn’t want to tell her, then she most certainly wasn’t going to pry. And Farina definitely didn’t want to talk about it, if the desperation in her voice was any indication.

“That’s all right. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.” It hurt a little bit, that Farina didn’t trust her enough to tell her what was all going on, but everyone had a right to keep their secrets, and Mirazhe wasn’g going to force Farina to tell her every little thing, not if it was going to hurt. It would be a rude thing to do, not to mention that it was going to break any trust that already existed between them. And it was oh so hard to gain people’s trust. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your chores. I don’t want to get you into trouble. Well, any more troubling than you’re already in,” she amended. “But I am happy to see you again. It’s been pretty lonely without anyone to talk to. When did you get back?”

(OOC: Sorry it took so darn long!)

Farina couldn’t help but notice the slight disappointment in Mirazhe’s tone when she told Farina it was alright. It certainly wasn’t alright, but there was nothing Farina could do. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell Mirazhe, in fact, Mirazhe was probably the only person Farina did want to tell her story to, but it was too risky to tell her so soon. And it hurt so much… Another child left behind. But Mirazhe’s disappointment hurt too, and pushing her away was the last thing she wanted. But whatever way she looked at it, she just could not tell anyone. It all would have been so much easier if she could have talked about all that has been happening with the father, but that wasn’t going to happen either. Asha’man Edeleas had been most helpful, but he was not the kind of person Farina would approach for comfort. Well, there had been the time when Farina had just entered the Tower when the Master of Soldiers had comforted her, but the recent events involving him had dimmed that memory quite effectively. And besides, Farina was still kind of mad at him. No, Farina had no one to talk to, no one to comfort her. But everything that had happened had been just a mistake, and Farina would get over it, even if it meant that she would suffer.

Mirazhe didn’t pressure Farina, and she was grateful for that, and she even said she was happy to see Farina. Hopefully she wasn’t too hurt, because Farina wasn’t sure if she could make it if she lost another person dear to her. Don’t worry Mirazhe, I will tell you. Just not yet. She would hold on to that thought.

Mirazhe did ask a question, but it was easy enough to answer. “I got back three weeks ago, I think, but I’ve been so busy with my extra chores that I haven’t had time to do, well, anything. I have barely time to eat and sleep.” It was too true. “But look at you! You have gotten yourself raised while I was gone!” she said happily, hoping that it would distract Mirazhe enough so that they could have a somewhat happy conversation. Well, talking about raisings wasn’t exactly happy, considering what the raising consisted of, but it was better than talking about her absence. “When did this happen?”

Mirazhe blushed at Farina's obvious enthusiasm. Farina was one of the only people who'd known her as a novice. Not many people had congratulated her on her acheivement, mostly because she hadn't known anybody that would do that sort of thing. The Mistress of Novices, but she congratulated anyone who made it through, so it wasn't as if Mirazhe had been anything special. So it felt nice to have someone notice. Besides, Mirazhe hadn't really expected Farina to notice. It had been a really long time since she'd last seen Farina, and then a while since she'd been raised. Not too long ago, but long enough that all the glamour that came with being Accepted had mostly worn off. It was a bit of a surprise for someone to mention it.

"It happened a while back. It was really strange at first, getting used to the curtsies from the novices and all that. I think I was more comfortable as a novice." That was true. Being part of a big group, hiding in groups, and having the excuse of not knowing anything if something went wrong. Accepted had to stand on their own. They had more responsibility, both for themselves and for those they were supposed to help. They couldn't hide behind someone else anymore. It had been daunting at first, but now Mirazhe was slowly getting used to it. Slowly. Most of it had settled in by now, and soon, she'd be completely used to it.

"But I'm happy that I'm Accepted. I should be, considering that's what I've worked for. If I wasn't happy, then all that work would be for nothing." And that would be depressing, more than anything else. There had been a short while when she hadn't been happy that she was Accepted, right after she was raised, when she wished she had never gone through those arches. The pain was real...but was what happened? She'd never know. It could have been, and that was what scared her the most.

"In any case, I'm happy now, which is all that matters. Now the only thing that's left is to make it to Aes Sedai. We're both aiming for that, I'm sure. On a completely different topic, this is the history section, right? Is there by any chance, a book on the history of sporks?"

((OOC: You asked for it. :look And sorry it's really short.))

(OOC: Yes, yes, I blame myself. :P )

Farina had to admit that she did not agree with Mirazhe about being more comfortable as a novice. Being a novice had been tiresome and frustrating because of all the chores and classes. And because of the Aes Sedai and Accepted who made you do all sorts of tedious chores just because they felt like picking on a novice. As an Accepted at least other Accepted couldn't make you jump anymore. And you didn't have to do that much chores and you were mostly able to study what you wanted. And there was always a few novices around if Farina needed... assistance. Farina was not the sort of person who bullied people, but it was nice to have people who were forced to obey you in case you needed them.

Of course, now that she had ran away and come back, her life was worse than a novice's. She had five times more chores and less time. And since apparently everyone in the Tower knew about her situation, not a single novice would do what Farina told them, because they knew that Farina would not dare complain to the Mistress of Novices. She couldn't wait for the punishment to be over.

But it was good to hear that Mirazhe was happy. That really was all that mattered. Being Accepted was great just because that meant that you were so much closer to becoming Aes Sedai. And it was kind of nice that they both were on the same level. Farina would have felt a bit awkward if Mirazhe had still been a novice. Well, she did feel awkward, but for other reasons. But she tried not to think about them.

Farina cringed a bit at Mirazhe's question. Yes, she was working in the library, but she would never become a Brown. "Let's see..." She did remember seeing something about kitchens... She peered at the books and finally found what she was looking for. "Here's something about kitchens. Dining... Kitchen Knives... Ah, here's something about spoons..." She stepped back and waved at the section. "Have a look yourself, I'm sure you can find something useful. But what do you need that for? Surely not for a class?"

Mirazhe gave a slight smile as she heard Farina’s slight disbelief at the question she had just asked. She inevitably ended up hearing that same tone from everyone she met. Oh, they tried to be polite, tried to pretend that it was normal for a young woman to be so interested in random objects that nobody ever mentioned nowadays, but she knew what they were really thinking. What is wrong with this girl? Why isn’t she normal? She supposed she really didn’t mind – she really did enjoy learning about these things – but sometimes she wished it weren’t so disapproved of. Just because she liked learning didn’t mean she was a freak, for crying out loud. Everyone should enjoy learning. And wasn’t it strange that, if you hated learning, you were called stupid and ignorant, but if you loved learning, you were called a loony? It just wasn’t right.

And obviously Farina thought the same thing as everyone else. Mirazhe was just the slightest bit disappointed that her friend thought that she was strange, but it didn’t have a profound impact on the way she viewed her friend. Farina was still the nicest kindest person Mirazhe knew. And really, she was going to end up a Brown, so her strange little learning streak was nothing extremely extraordinary. In fact, the Browns would probably end up welcoming it.

Farina was searching the shelves now for the book Mirazhe wanted, but she quickly stepped out of the way to let the other girl look. Mirazhe appreciated the gesture, since it showed that Farina probably knew that Mirazhe had more familiarity with the library. It was probably only the fact that Farina was doing chores in the Library that made her come in in the first place. Otherwise, she probably wouldn’t have come in here at all, unless she had some sort of class that required doing research.

“Actually, it’s not for any class. I heard it one day in the kitchens, and it struck me as an odd name. I mean, ‘spork?’ It’s some strange combination of spoon and fork. Why would anyone want to combine a spoon and a fork? It just seems like a ridiculous idea to me, but maybe if I find out why someone wanted to invent such a thing, it’ll make more sense to me. Maybe I’ll actually appreciate it. Ah, look, here’s a book that might work. [I]The Evolution of Kitchen Utensils Throughout the Ages.[i/]”

She didn’t dare look around at Farina’s face for two reasons. Well, one reason, mostly. She was afraid that if she turned around, she would find a horrified expression on Farina’s face, and that she might burst out laughing. Which would be nothing if really rude, and would probably also end up bringing an Aes Sedai running.

Mirazhe peered at the books with more interest than Farina could ever muster. Farina just wasn't the kind of person who enjoyed classes or books or remembering dates or some private lessons with one Aes Sedai or another discussing politics or cultures or such. She had managed somehow, a fact she was very proud of considering her past. She assumed that her will to become Aes Sedai had overcome her hatred of classwork, but she could hardly be called enthusiastic in that area. She loved One Power classes though, which she wouldn't be having for a while, and she would very happily continue training with the quarterstaff again after so many years, which was impossible until she wore the shawl. But classes...

But Mirazhe was different, oh so different. Her answer to Farina's question did surprise her, but when Farina thought about it, it really shouldn't have. Mirazhe actually seemed to enjoy the classes and lessons and the Library and everything related to books. If Farina had been in the kitchens and heard the word 'spork', searching the library for a book about such a device wouldn't have even crossed her mind. But Mirazhe wanted to know, she wanted to understand. Of course Farina wanted to learn new things and understand, but her interests were totally somewhere else. And they did not include kitchenware.

Farina glanced at the book which Mirazhe had picked, and even the title radiated boredom to Farina. "You really are going to read that book, aren't you?" she said, not really asking. "Sometimes it amazes me how different we are," she continued with a light voice and a smile. It was true, but she didn't think of it as a bad thing really. They were different, but yet so alike in some ways. Farina admired and respected Mirazhe's liking for things that didn't exactly interest Farina, and she was sure that Mirazhe felt the same for her. "The Browns will be glad to have you one day. You are joining the Browns, right?" she asked just to make sure. Farina didn't doubt Mirazhe's talents one bit, but it was so obvious to her that she belonged to the Brown Ajah that she hadn't even thought that Mirazhe would actually choose something else.

(OOC: Wheeee! I posted! Sorry it's so short.)

(Yay! And it is normal post length.)

But, thank the Light, when Mirazhe turned around, Farina didn't seem too horrified. She seemed a little surprised, but mostly resigned, as if she'd realized that Mirazhe was always going to be a little strange. Which was fine by her. There were a few things about Farina that were a little strange to Mirazhe, but Mirazhe still adored and admired the other woman. And everyone had their little quirks. It was what made them different. Without those little traits, they're all be the same, mere beings floating around in a world that was completely and utterly boring.

That, however, was never going to happen, so she probably shouldn't dwell on it.

"You really are going to read that book, aren't you? Sometimes it amazes me how different we are." That certainly was true. It didn't exactly amaze Mirazhe, but every now and then, it did surprise her. Pleasantly. "The Browns will be glad to have you one day. You are joining the Browns, right?"

Mirazhe looked down at her book, then back up. "I suppose so. I mean, I want to be a Brown, but I'm not sure if the Aes Sedai will let me, or if I'm suitable enough, or if I'll even make it to Aes Sedai..." She trailed off.

They were all silly fears, of course. Why wouldn't the Brown Ajah want her? The number of people who were actually obsessed with learning were quite small. And if she kept on like she did right now, there was a good chance that she would make it to Aes Sedai. She'd already made it to Accepted, and that supposedly was the most difficult step.

"But I guess I shouldn't worry about all that. I don't remember, what Ajah were you planning on joining, if you know yet?"

(Merf. Gotta go now. x.x)

Farina was quite shocked that Mirazhe was so unsure of her future in the White Tower. Of course she was suitable, of course she was going to be raised to Aes Sedai. Mirazhe enjoyed every class she took, she did all her homework and spent more time in the Library in a year than Farina had during her entire novicehood. Farina skipped classes and homework, although not too frequently since she didn’t exactly enjoy chores, she flirted, she had gotten pregnant and run from the Tower for two years, and now that she had returned she didn’t doubt for a moment that she would be raised. She had left so much to become Aes Sedai, she had been through too much pain to fail. She would become Aes Sedai! But if you compared Mirazhe to Farina, any Aes Sedai would raise her far sooner than Farina.

“Mirazhe, you are going to be raised to Aes Sedai and you are going to be one of the most brilliant Browns in the history of the Tower”, she said in a no-nonsense tone that left no room for objections. “As for me…” Farina hadn’t thought about Ajahs much yet, mostly because she had spent so little time as Accepted, and most of that time she hadn’t been sure the Aes Sedai would let her continue her training. But now was as good a time as any to start really thinking. Farina knew that there was one Ajah that attracted her most, but she didn’t want to rush such an important decision without considering all the choices. Brown was not even be an option, and neither was the White. She wasn’t too good at negotiating, so Gray wouldn’t be the right way to go. Blue could be worth consideration, but she didn’t feel too strongly about that Ajah. Yellow… probably not, she hadn’t trained her Healing yet so she wasn’t even sure how good she was. Red Shen was a bit of a mystery, but she did know that you needed a partner for that, and Farina didn’t like the idea of being chained to a person for the rest of her prolonged life as an Aes Sedai. She preferred independence. So that left only one Ajah…

“Green,” she said finally. “I haven’t decided anything final yet, but Green is the strongest candidate at the moment. Everything they do is what I want to do. I want to fight, I miss flirting and having fun and I would really love the freedom to do whatever I want. Greens are so strong and independent and they have a lot more leeway than other Aes Sedai. Greens are pretty much expected to flirt and laugh and fight while it’s inappropriate for other Aes Sedai to do so,” she said a bit dreamily. The Green Ajah offered her so much more than the other Ajahs. “And of course, I would get to bond as many men as I liked,” she added with a smile.

Mirazhe was hard-pressed not to stare in horror at Farina's reply. The other Accepted seemed so happy about the prospect of flirting and bonding as many men as she liked that Mirazhe really didn't want to say anything that might possibly ruin that happiness. Farina seemed like she hadn't been happy for so long....and if thinking of men was going to make her happy, then by the Light, Mirazhe was going to let Farina dream of men as long as she wanted.

As long as it didn't take too long. Mirazhe wanted Farina happy but there had to be other ways to do it. Men were an iffy topic for her. She didn't like men. Or rather, she was just horribly shy around men. Things were better now, though she would never have the confidence that Farina seemed to have. Mirazhe wasn't even sure why she was so shy around men. It wasn't as if they were a different species or something. They spoke the same language, did the same things... and they were necessarily for the survival of the human race. If her father hadn't existed, she wouldn't have either....but that was an extremely childish thought.

Plus, Mirazhe really didn't want to think about the .... other things that men entailed. She knew she was being stupid, she knew she was being young and naive and...stupid, but it made her nervous. And Mirazhe wasn't going to think about it anymore. Nope. Not at all.

"That's...um...good to hear." Mirazhe cleared her throat. Her voice seemed to have gone a little squeaky there. "Green seems to be a good match for you. Brown is definitely not you, and some of the others aren't either, but then, I don't know every single detail about you, so I can't say what would fit you and what wouldn't. And I'm sure you've thought about this a lot, so there's nothing for me to say."

Mirazhe probably wouldn't have been able to help Farina even if she had wanted it. Despite her wanting to be helpful, her insecurites sometimes still got the best of her, causing her to simply nod her head and agree with whatever the person was saying. She'd been trying hard to break that habit and express her own opinions, but it was hard.

"Out of curiousity, how many men would you bond?"

Mirazhe's shocked expression made Farina realize how little she had told her about her past. Of course Farina wasn't the same person she had been before she came to the White Tower, but the proud, fun-loving and flirtatious side of Farina's personality hadn't gone anywhere even after years and years of suppression. Farina still loved flirting, she still loved men and attention and just having fun without having to worry about the consequences. Of course there had always been consequences, big and painful consequences, but just enjoying the moment had been so easy back then. Everything had been so easy back then. Well, that wasn't exactly true, with all her fights with her brothers and parents, but her life before the pregnancy and marriage still seemed easy compared to her life today. After the pregnancy and marriage... well, that certainly hadn't been easy.

And that was pretty much why she didn't want to talk about her past. She missed her flirting days so much that sometimes her novice days had felt unbearable and her days after the marriage and giving up Frenna had been so painful that it was unbearable to think of them. And now... Farina had given the suppressed side of her personality control for one happy evening, and now... No, I won't think about it. She shook the image of her baby boy out of her mind.

But if she became a Green Aes Sedai, she could have all the flirting and the men back. It was a very delightful thought. She didn't blame Mirazhe for the squeaky voice thought. It was just another big difference between the two. Maybe Farina the Green Aes Sedai could teach Mirazhe the Brown Aes Sedai to flirt.

Mirazhe's question surprised Farina a bit. "I haven't thought about it much," she said honestly. Bonding men seemed very alluring, but how many would she be able to handle? "I suppose I would bond as many as I needed," she said with a laugh. "Of course I wouldn't bond just any man, so how many Warders I would bond depends on how many suitable men I could find. And of course I would have to be able to handle them all, so I suppose I wouldn't be able to bond an army." An army of Warders had a certain appeal, though. Farina wasn't too proud to admit that she would accept every bit of protection available. "And I wouldn't want them all to fight over me either, so that limits the number of Warders I could control too." She had bad memories of men fighting over her. "Five would be a good start, but if I found enough suitable men ten should be about right," she said with a laugh.

Mirazhe listened to Farina talk about the men she would bond, and all the while Farina talked, Mirazhe's eyes grew larger and larger, until she almost thought they were going to pop right out of her head. She'd thought it had been bad enough when Farina began talking about the subject, but as the other woman progressed, rapidly warming to the subject, Mirazhe slowly wished she had never brought up the subject in the first place. If the Creator could somehow get the floor to open up and swallow her, she would have died a happy person.

But no. She was standing in some obscure of the great White Tower library listening to a would-be Green Aes Sedai go on about her fantasies.

Why, why, WHY had she asked that question? She should have known what kind of respone Farina was likely to give, and if she had been smart, she would have known not to ask the question. Apparently, she wasn't smart anymore, if her previous actions were any indications. What had happened to her? Where had her wits gone? Why couldn't she stop herself from doing stupid things?

And on a completely different topic, TEN men? TEN??! Light, Mirazhe barely thought she could handle one, and Farina wanted ten. Granted, she was going to start with five and work her way up to ten, but it was....it was.....well, it was still insane! How was she going to stop all ten men from fighting over her? Then again, Farina had experience with men, while Mirazhe had none. And Farina really was very pretty, and all males went for the pretty, flirtations ones. Which, really, was a good thing because Mirazhe didn't want a man in her life. Men were... too confusing.

And now Mirazhe was not going to think about this anymore, or be stupid in any way by even mentioning this subject again.

"Well," Mirazhe started out clumsily, "That's...ah....it's...um....it's very interesting. I...ah, wish you the best of luck with that. Even though it probably won't be happening for a while." And changing the subject now. "Found any interesting book titles in there?" A safe, familiar topic.

Farina smiled at Mirazhe's even more shocked expression than before. What was so peculiar about bonding ten men? It was common knowledge that Greens bonded a lot of Warders, so why wouldn't Farina do so? But perhaps ten was a bit extreme. She would go with five first and see how things went. If the men were happy and didn't fight each other, then Farina would bond more. But she wasn't sure how many men the Towers trained and how many suitable Warders she could find. What if she could find none? It was a terrifying thought.

But all that was in the distant future. She was lucky to be allowed back in the Tower, it was way too early to start thinking about what she would do as an Aes Sedai. She would be an Accepted for ages before her dreams would come true. Mirazhe would probably be raised sooner, so it should be Farina asking Mirazhe about her bonding plans.

Farina's smile faded a bit when Mirazhe very clumsily but firmly changed the subject. No questions about her bonding plans then. Farina hadn't realised how shocked Mirazhe was. It was a bit too much to be natural. Farina wanted to ask what the matter was, but if Mirazhe didn't want to talk about men anymore, Farina wasn't going to force her. Especially after she had refused to talk about her absence. If she had something to tell, Mirazhe would tell her later if she wanted.

But for now Farina would talk about books. Men were familiar to her like books were for Mirazhe. "I found a few shelves about weaponry yesterday, but when the Brown Aes Sedai overseeing me saw that I looked interested, she quickly sent me to organize a box of old manuscripts about some insects," she said with a sigh. "I know I deserve it, but the Brown Aes Sedai can be really strict. I mean, they send me here even though there is a perfectly interesting section about wars just a few corridors away. You may be interested in kitchen utilities, but I'm not." She sighed again. "At least they don't make me read the books."

Mirazhe was infinitely relieved when Farina decided not to push the conversation further. She could have chosen to continue it in so many different ways, and Mirazhe would have been unable to do nothing to stop it. But Farina was a true friend – she had seen that Mirazhe was uncomfortable talking about the subject, and had accepted her clumsy topic change, and Mirazhe loved her all the more for it. Could she possibly have a better? A hug was definitely in order, but, of course, she was too shy to do such a familiar action, she she settled on giving a shy but grateful smile.

When Farina mentioned that she had found a few interesting books, but that they had been taken away, Mirazhe felt a little bad. Farina wasn’t the type of person who loved to read, so the fact that she had actually found something interesting was huge. But since she was still being punished, she couldn’t read those books, so she would never get a chance to actually read something she liked, let alone read at all. Perhaps there was something Mirazhe could do to help a little.

“To tell you the truth, kitchen utensils don’t really interest me in particular. I just wanted to read about them because I like to learn about history, not because I really love spoons and knives and forks. I’m interested in everything, and the spork just happened to be my current interest. I’m sure I’ll have moved onto something else by next week.” She blushed a little but forged on.

“And if you’re interested in any of those weaponry books, perhaps I could get them for you. The Aes Sedai might look at me funny, but if I say they’re for a project, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. Though,” she glanced at the cart of books in front of Farina, “you might not have that much free time on your hands right now. Once you’re done with all this, the Aes Sedai might let you get those books for yourself. If not, then I can get them for you.”

Mirazhe quickly explained that she wasn't really interested in kitchen utensils, but just the fact that she had bothered to check the spork thingy just proved that she was so definitely a Brown-to-be. And since she was interested in everything, she would probably be very happy as a Brown, studying absolutely everything. Farina wished that she had at least some of Mirazhe's enthusiasm and motivation. Maybe she would get her homework done properly if she had.

But the weaponry books were so much more interesting than the ones about history. Farina couldn't help it, but she did wish for just a bit more interest in history to make her life a bit easier. Oh well, it couldn't be helped. Her life would be hard in the White Tower for the next few years anyway, her dislike of history was the least of her troubles at the moment.

“And if you’re interested in any of those weaponry books, perhaps I could get them for you." Farina looked at Mirazhe, a bit surprised. "The Aes Sedai might look at me funny, but if I say they’re for a project, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind." That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Mirazhe was a true friend for just proposing it. Unfortunately it was in vain, Farina had barely time to sleep, let alone read. "Though,” Mirazhe continued with a meaningful glance at the books, “you might not have that much free time on your hands right now." Farina nodded sadly. "Once you’re done with all this, the Aes Sedai might let you get those books for yourself. If not, then I can get them for you.”

Farina stared at Mirazhe silently for a moment, but then she couldn't help but attack the woman with a fierce hug. "Thank you," she muttered and smiled when she finally let her go. "That is so sweet! But I'm afraid I won't be able to take use of your wonderful suggestion. You're right, I don't have any free time at the moment, so even if I got hold of a weaponry book, I wouldn't have time or energy to read it. And once the punishment is over, I'm pretty sure they will let me borrow them myself. If they don't, though, I will most certainly turn to you," she finished and smiled widely. "And since I work here quite often, if there's some rarity that you haven't been able to find, I can keep my eyes open. They make me work here in the history section all the time."

(Ehh, sorry this took so long.)

Life was wonderful. It really was. She was in the library, surrounded by books - something other people found horribly dull - and if that weren't good enough, one of her closest friends was hugging her and standing right in front of her and back from Light only knew where for at least a year. It couldn't get any better than that, could it? Well, maybe if Farina weren't on punishment for whatever it was she had done, but still, life was pretty good.

Mirazhe knew she had to be smiling like an idiot, but she couldn't seem to wipe the smile off her face. So what if she was happy? Happy was a good thing, and she'd had so few chances to be happy recently. And she wasn't going to let anything ruin this moment. Except....she'd been here quite a while. Probably longer than she should have been. There were still plenty of things she still had to do, things she'd been putting off so she could spend as much time as she could with Farina, but she really couldn't afford to put them aside anymore. It'll be all right, she reassured herself. Farina will still be here in the Tower. She won't disappear again.

Stomping down her inner worries, Mirazhe said, "It's absolutely wonderful to see you again, but I'm afraid I have to go. Projects to finish, things to learn....the like." She made a face, even though they both knew she really enjoyed such things. It was pointless to pretend otherwise. "So I will talk to you later, for sure. "

Mirazhe stepped forward to give Farina one last hug. My, but this was just a day for hugs, wasn't it? Well, they had to make up for all those months gone by. Still, before she left, Mirazhe had one last question she wanted to ask. It probably wasn't appropriate, but Farina didn't have to answer it now. She didn't really have to say anything except a singe word, yes or no. But that one word really mattered to Mirazhe, and she hoped that it would be the affirmative.

"You will tell me why you left, won't you? Not now....not until you're ready. And you don't have to tell me at all if you don't want."

Farina realised how long they had been talking only when Mirazhe mentioned that she had to go. Of course Mirazhe would have classes and things, Farina understood perfectly, and Farina had... things to do herself, although she would delightfully accept any chance to put them off. She really wanted to talk to Mirazhe, but she knew that it was time to get back to the... books. They seemed to smirk at her in their shelves, waiting to continue torturing her. Oh well. She would have to get on with it or the Light knew what the Browns would think of for a punishment. It was a wonder really that they haven't checked on her for so long. Maybe they were beginning to trust her. Well, whatever the reason, they hadn't caught her neglecting her chores, so life was good. If only she could leave the bloody library...

Farina smiled when Mirazhe hugged her goodbye, even though she didn't really want her to leave. But what could she do? Ask Mirazhe to forget about her studies just to please her? No, she could do nothing. But Mirazhe didn't seem too eager to leave either... "You will tell me why you left, won't you?" The fact that Mirazhe had to ask opened a whole terrain of guilt inside Farina. She knew that she should tell Mirazhe, but she couldn't. Not yet. "Not now....not until you're ready. And you don't have to tell me at all if you don't want." Farina smiled at her last remark. Mirazhe wanted to know, she was bad at hiding it, and Farina would tell her.

"I promise, I swear under the Light that I will tell you. I will tell you every last detail about everything. Some day," she added sadly. "I don't know when, but I will tell you everything. You can count on that," she finished with a small smile. "Now go and study and have fun before the Browns find you."

(OOC: Sorry mine's so short.)

((Mine's shorter. :look)

Mirazhe felt a huge rush of relief - more that she should have felt when Farina agreed to tell her what was going on. It wasn't as though this was something she had to know for the sake of her well-being. It was something that Farina could choose to share, depending on how she felt. Yet...the thought of never being told left a huge gap of disappointment in Mirazhe. It seemed as though she was starting to depend a lot on Farina. They weren't even the bestest of friends. Close friends, maybe, but that didn't mean they had to tell each other their deepest darkest secrets.

"Thank you," she whispered. In a more normal tone of voice, she said, "I'll go now, and leave you to your work. The Browns will hate me if I take away their slave." She grinned a little, and turned to go.

"Don't forget to have some fun!" she called over her shoulder, and scurried away.