Kathera stood shock-still as she raised her courage to enter the library. The other Browns had welcomed her well enough when she had returned to Tar Valon, yet they had made it very clear what they thought of what she had done. Yes, they understood the urge to leave and learn. However, they argued that she had abandoned her responsibilities. The distrust of those she had learned to call her Sisters in her years as the Head of the Brown had swiftly broken her. She had always placed great merit on how others judged her and Kathera had taken it upon herself to earn back the trust of those she cared for. For a start, she would enter the library and join in with ordering the novices and soldiers about. It had always amused her and the other Browns that both novices and soldiers feared their wrath over how they treated the books and the sisters had never dispelled the rumor. After all, it was entertaining to point a finger and lecture children. Of course, it didn’t exactly make many favor the Brown Ajah. A weak smile rose, and Kathera forced herself to walk through the archway into the place she still loved.

It was like coming home. Just to walk through the shelves and touch the spine of the books she had read roused happiness in Kathera that she had not felt since returning to the White Tower with her guilty conscience. But even the historic tomes couldn’t fully heal her self-loathing, for Kathera could not forgive herself for deserting her friends. Marian and Edeleas were the two people she had known best in her first years at the Tower, and she had once gone as far as to call Marian her greatest companion. However, she had not seen Marian for more than twenty years. It was amazing, how many places you could visit and see in that amount of time. It was rather unrealistic to Kathera when she thought about it because she had never imagined that she would leave Tar Valon for that long. No matter what knowledge she could find in far away places, the Tower was always her home. When she had first returned, Kathera had been unable to stop herself from giving the stone of the White Tower a silent apology for being gone so long.

Sighing mightily, Kathera wandered toward a group of loudly whispering and giggling novices, intending to cheer herself up by hushing them. The library was a kingdom of silent study and was not the place to socialize. The young didn’t seem to understand the importance of knowledge, but they could at least learn not to talk! The novices immediately quieted at her approach, and looked rather abashed when she was done with her lecture. It wasn’t as much as a sport to her than it had been before she had left, but Kathera still enjoyed intimidating novices. It was comical to see the fear on their faces at a tiny Aes Sedai pointing a finger. It was hard to bite back her snicker as she walked away and though she stilled the sound, a little smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Tower life was still perfect for her and Kathera simply couldn’t wait to take a look at the books that had been added to the library’s collection after her departure. Really, now was as good of a time to get started as any. Her smile grew as she made her way to the Healing section and began to peruse the shelves. One of Kathera’s talents was Healing, but she had never had enough time to master the ability. When she was Accepted, the Yellow Ajah had always tried to convince her to choose their Ajah, but the library had always called to her more. Yes, Healing was interesting, but Kathera would rather learn continuously and not simply repeat the same weave again and again on those who visited the Infirmary. Still, Healing was a fascinating topic, and Kathera was quick to select a manuscript on advanced Healing. She had never mastered the concept of it and studying would take her mind off things.

However, even as she began to read, Kathera could not banish Marian from her mind. It was almost impossible, but Kathera felt even more shame for not speaking to Marian before she left then she did about disappearing from her Ajah. Even when she was a novice and Marian was Aes Sedai, their friendship had survived. Now they were both Aes Sedai, but it seemed to Kathera that that fact was more of an obstacle than one of them being a novice and the other Aes Sedai. There was nothing she could do to fix what she had committed by disappearing from the Tower for twenty years and Kathera could not find the strength in herself to search out Marian, yet she could not help but wish there was something that would mend the rift.