If you had been in the BT for six years, you should put interactions with your fellow Soldiers and your superiors.
That's a great base, I'm really interested in seeing how Var turns out. :) I just have a few things before I can approve it.
First off, it's too short, but what I'm going to suggest should help with that. :)
I need to know more about Var's childhood. You gave a lot of information about how his parents were well liked, and that they were an older couple, but not much about Var. He worked on the farm, but even though farm work his taxing, it doesn't take up every minute of every day. What did he like to do in his free time? Did he have many friends, or did he mostly keep to himself?
I would also like to know more about how Var felt after his parents died. From a few snatches in your bio it's clear that he was upset, but I want to know exactly how upset he was- did he want revenge, or was he out to change his life to make sure it didn't happen to him, did he want to keep the same thing from happening to other people, what?
I would like some more details about his travels, clearly he started out with very little, and that's a good reason for someone to start gambling, but what else? Did he just move from inn to inn gambling at each one, did he ever make friends or learn any important lessons about life from any of his experiences. Surely living in such a way would force someone to grow up quickly, I would like to see how this sort of lifestyle affected Var.
Var channeled the night his parents were attacked? When? I didn't really see any time that he would have channeled, I assumed that the lightning was his mother's, since he was asleep when it started, and that's the only evidence I could see. Also, how did he know he was channeling? Most people who channel accidentally never dream that they're doing it, why is Var different? Also, at 14, Var could not have been able to channel, most men don't start channeling until their early twenties, 17 or 18 at the very earliest, 14 is even early for a woman to start channeling really, and men don't start until years later. You could still have him channel during the attack, I would just like to see the attack made later in his life, when he's 18 at least.
Var can't have already been in the Black Tower six years, that would mean he'd already have relationships and experiences that you haven't written. It's required that when people join, they write their character's history up to the point they come to the Towers, or very shortly before that, and play their character as a new member of the Towers, and progress from there.
One last thing: I would like to see some weaknesses of Var's. Given his personality and his history, he has a lot of really strong traits- he's good with the sword, he's good at reading people, he's got a temper, but he would rather use words than fists, he's physically and mentally strong. That's a lot of really good points for one person, so to balance Var's character out, I want to see at least a few strong weaknesses as well. A character with a few flaws is more fun to play than someone who's perfect, after all. :)
Okay, I know that looks like a lot, but it's really not, I just tend to give suggestions I guess. Fix that and I'm sure it'll be great. :) Thanks! :D
Oh! And don't forget to post in the sign up thread so we can set your permissions. :)
Thanks for the quick edit! That's a great improvement. :D Approved. :)
Its a good basis, although I would say you should add more asap. Approved.
(I'm doing this because the replies counter is at 666 and it was freakin me out)
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