Sighing Kaelyn leafed through yet another book, each turning paged sending little puffs of dust that caused her to wrinkle her nose. The book looked as if it had seen little use, its binding in relatively good condition, besides the deterioration beginning to set in as well as the yellowing pages, though they lacked creases from previous readers. It was just as well. The writing was hastily done as if the unknown author feared their thoughts would be forgotten with each stroke of the quill. It was rather interesting some of the thoughts recorded, though some remained incomplete while others were like riddles that even managed to puzzle her. Yet the diagrams proved to be useful and rather intriguing as they contained detailed sketches of angreal believed to have come from the Age of Legends, followed by hints to the potential purposes each held. The Tower was known as a keeper of these artifacts, and it was believed that a vast room within its depths housed vast numbers of these angreal that required the one power...but that was another story and had little to do with what she was searching for. Releasing another sigh she closed the book and placed it back into its position on the shelf, along with others that discussed similar topics. She was wasting her time on such subjects, and to her great annoyance they proved to do well in sidetracking her from her searches. Placing her index finger on the spine of another book Kaelyn traced her way down the isle reading titles as her finger past by them. The Rise of Nations, The Borderlands, Customs in Nations, Histories , the Tar Valon Library was extensive in its resources, covering every topic that she could ever dream of finding, though it seemed that what she looked for would not fall under such luck.

"I could never be a Brown," she grinned as she pulled another potential book that brought with it another cloud of dust that brought her to the verge of sneezing. Research and reading was not something she particularly cared to invest her time in though the occasional read for enjoyment was needed to explore a new mind set. She had studied the Brown Ajah, and the sisters within it always seemed to be absorbed in their own world of thoughts and studies so that Kaelyn could not help but feel that it was not right for her. Although novices were required to have an open mind, Kaelyn already knew that many like her were already beginning to narrow their decision between which Ajah they would choose. Perhaps Green, or Blue. Kaelyn remained undecided between Ajahs as both held purposes that she could relate to. The Greens were known as the Battle Ajah, and dedicated a lifetime to destroying the Shadow, something that Kaelyn knew she would be doing all her life due to a promise she made in her past. The potential for many warders was also something desirable, although she wondered if the idea cause her to sway too much in this direction and create false desire to join this particular Ajah. She really had no interest to establish a relationship that the Greens were credited to having with their warders, but Kaelyn herself had managed to sneak down to the practice yard to take a peek at the recruits more than once on some made up errand. At 18, it was understandable for such actions, but at least she was unlike the other woollen brain ninny's who stopped to make calf eyes at those training before they were caught. At least she made herself appear busy with other intentions! But the Blues, she always seemed to hang on to its possibility, as it too was leashed to her desires. They were keepers of justice in a way, seeking out to rid the world of evils, and restore order. However, each Sister within the Ajah seemed to have her own purposes, her own goals and errands that seemed to set them apart from the others. She could never truly define the Blue Ajah as she could the others and with such opportunities her decision remained strongly undecided. Yet as a novice, concerns over which Ajah she would choose were foolish, as her time was strictly restricted to studying, and being at the Tower for only several months meant she had a long ways to go.

"Aha! Perhaps this will prove to be useful." Kaelyn stopped pulling out a book that was concerned on the histories of well known channellers. Cradling it in her arms she retraced her steps down the isle to gather the few other resources she had found that could potentially prove to be useful. Research of this sort she never devalued, for if she was to find answers sometimes it was best just to do it oneself than asking an Aes Sedai.

Settling down at a table she set aside a few scrolls, and opened her first book. "Mineka Tanaskay, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah, was one of the most powerful women of the White Tower. Her journey began as a wilder...." Kaelyn stopped reading. This was what she had been looking for, or at least of what she had set out to find. "So there is a truth that wilders can become one of the most powerful Aes Sedai! But did she have a block? Did she have to break it to touch saidar, if so how?" Kaelyn wondered although her questions belonging to her true search would most likely never be answered, as a block was too personal to record. With hope, she continued to read, although she ended up disappointed with no information of her desire other than a life story of the Aes Sedai. Closing the book she pushed it forward before directing her gaze out the library window. It was such a beautiful day yet that was the last thing on her mind.

"I will be the best Aes Sedai!" Kaelyn muttered drawing a piece of her thick raven hair away from her face. Her dedication would see it so, yet a troubled expression was written all over her face. The only thing that had to battle now was her block.

Evei coughed, dust flowing over her face. Who knew that this section of the library was so unused? Evei had thought that the Brown sisters would take better care of even the most obscure books, but it wasn’t as if she knew very much about the Browns. Sighing, she blew more dust off the manuscript in her hands. Yalraline Sedai had told her to research her block at the Tower in order to get an idea of what she was in for, but Evei hadn’t thought it would be this difficult. It was hard to find time to spend in the library, because of all her chores. Still, even when she did find time, she had found hardly any information about blocks at all, let alone anything about another channeler with a block like hers. A few times, the Brown sisters had even roped her into dusting for them, without any regard to her explanations of research. In fact, she had more of a chance of finding what she was looking for by simply searching herself then asking the Brown sisters. Evei didn’t care to count how many times she had come to the library only to be shanghaied into dusting and shelving books.

She turned the tome over in her hands, inspecting it for a title. There was nothing, but it had been in the area of One Power information. Evei had been scouring the aisle of books for the last half hour, and if this book didn’t have any information on blocks, she was considering breaking down in tears. With a few last mutters, Evei cracked open the book and scanned through the chapter list. Yes! It has a section on blocks. She grinned, and snapped the book shut enthusiastically before making her way through the rows of books to the desks that were lined up before a few windows. It was by far Evei’s favorite place in the library, and almost the Tower. She liked the gardens more, but only because they were outdoors and reminded her of home: the caravans. Evei yawned, then plopped gracelessly into one of the chairs. It took her only a few moments more to open the manuscript and find what she was looking for. Yalraline Sedai had known a little about blocks, but had no more information than simply a definition. Evei had asked her for examples of blocks and how they were broken, but the Aes Sedai had had none to give.

Evei chewed on her lower lip as she skimmed through the chapter. It was a disappointment, though. The book had little more then a more elaborate definition than Yalraline’s, and no examples at all. Evei huffed, the slammed the book shut. Her search seemed to be futile, but Evei didn’t want to give up. After all, her dream of her future was based on becoming Aes Sedai, and with a block... All of her hoped for futures would be nothing but wishes. Evei stared out the window, her head propped in her hand. It was a view of the gardens, and Evei couldn’t help but take on a feeling of piece simply from the sight. She closed her eyes, wanting to rest for a few moments, but slowly she fell asleep. No! I can’t... Must... not... sleep. Evei’s protests were for naught. As a Tuatha’an, she was used to sleeping in till the afternoon, but as a novice she was always forced to wake early.

It was another woman’s voice that woke her from her slumber. "So there is a truth that wilders can become one of the most powerful Aes Sedai! But did she have a block? Did she have to break it to touch saidar, if so how?" Evei jerked away, her eyes tearing open. Has she found what I’ve been looking for? An example of block breaking? Evei licked her lips, nervous. This novice was obviously a better novice than she was, if she was able to find the information that Evei had been hunting for, for almost a month. The feeling of inferiority welled up in her, but Evei refused to let herself get wrapped up in the shameful feeling. I have to know what is in that book.

Evei gazed watchfully at the other woman, focusing on her so intently that she didn’t miss her next words. "I will be the best Aes Sedai!" Evei couldn’t help but let her face break into a grin. So another novice was just as determined as she was to be a model Aes Sedai. Evei considered her next actions for a moment, unsure. There would be no danger in giving this woman her name as there had been with Ren, for the novice would never be able to gain the kind of emotional power over her like Diju had and Ren might have, if he had known her true name. Names are the start of emotional attachments... But I don’t mind a friendship with a woman like this at all. After all, she is the sort of person I am. Evei smiled, then turned to the other novice.

“I’m Evei. I’ve been searching for examples of block breaking, too, because of my block. I was wondering, would you share your information with me? I haven’t been able to find anything at all on blocks other than the definition of them.” Evei gestured at the book before her, then gazed earnestly at the other novice. “Do you have a block as well? Perhaps, if you do, we can study our blocks together and try to find some way to break them. My block is that I can’t channel without playing my violin, what is yours?” Evei snapped her mouth shut, blood heating her face. I can’t believe I just babbled like that. She winced, then looked back at the woman. “I’m sorry for chattering like that. Still, I would love to study block breaking with you.” Evei’s smile was hesitant, but hopeful. If she had an accomplice in this venture, there was the chance, a chance, that something could be done about her block.

And then I can be the Aes Sedai I want to be.

Pulling her attention from the window was proving much harder than she would have liked. The determination that she had held earlier was lost, leaving only a spark that stopped her from giving up entirely. Hesitantly she fingered the manuscripts in front of her, her fingers brushing along the ruffled edges that marked it with age. Kaelyn did not know if she was prepared to handle another disappointment. Her quest was proving more difficult each day and it was beginning to dawn on her that answers would never be written in hand, but found through herself. She did not particularly like the idea, and prayed for an easier solution. Little progress had been made with her stay at the one Tower, though through her lessons with Freyja Sedai she had learned when she was able to channel, but that’s where it ended. Any other attempts she had made to further understand her block only led her back to the beginning. She was beginning to run out of ideas, and the frustration was beginning to build to a point where she just wanted to throw up her hand in defeat. Kaelyn felt like she was drowning, and even now she wondered if she could make it back to the surface. She was starting to run out of breath.

Light, how will I ever break through this if I give up so easily Kaelyn sighed, and poured over the contents of the paper, half heartedly. There was a time when one already knew what would come in the end, and even now though she tried to ignore it a nagging voice in her head asked her why bother trying.
There is little known about the blocks that burden initiates who come for at the White Tower. Every individual provides a unique case and a variety of approaches must be used to break down the barrier. While some procedures may prove to be effective on one individual it may result in failure for another…

“Blood and ashes!” Kaelyn wanted to scream in frustration. Is this it then? Is this all I can find to help me! Light, all I want is answers, not some writing that only hints at what I am searching for! Flipping the document over Kaelyn bit her lip as she scanned the remaining contents ensuring that nothing important was missed, as well as avoiding the possibility of naming it as a complete failure. Little else was mentioned, other than naming a few individuals who had come to the tower as wilders, and were later raised as Aes Sedai. The papers were more concerned on histories if channelers and only touched on the ideas of one’s block.

“I have had enough of this!” Kaelyn’s voice quivered, though it was overshadowed by a tearing sound. Laying before her the document lay torn in half, damage that only shadowed what she was feeling. Her heart felt as if it was ripping within her, and her body shuddered in defeat. She was starting to lost hope.

“I just can’t do this anymore! Not alone!” Kaelyn drew up her hands to shield her eyes, as tears began to trickle down her cheeks. She could not remember the last time she had cried, and did not think she did even when she had watched flames burn her past. She hated to cry in front of others, though now she wept silently for everything that she had lost.

“I’m Evei. I’ve been searching for examples of block breaking, too, because of my block. I was wondering, would you share your information with me? I haven’t been able to find anything at all on blocks other than the definition of them.” Startled Kaelyn wiped the tears from her cheeks before daring to raise her head to look at the novice that stood before her. It surprised her how quickly she as able to control her feelings, but at the moment she was glad for it.

“Do you have a block as well? Perhaps, if you do, we can study our blocks together and try to find some way to break them. My block is that I can’t channel without playing my violin, what is yours. I’m sorry for chattering like that. Still, I would love to study block breaking with you.”

Kaelyn raised an eyebrow, at Evei. The girl was blabbing, but she could not help but pity her. Forgetting her troubles for a moment she studied the girl…no judging by her eyes a woman clad in white. Can this be? Surely this has to be coincidence Evei stood quite tall, and as if embarrassed by it she was hunched awkwardly as if it could make a difference. Light curly brown hair with a length that paralleled that of her height glimmered around her face matching her eyes. They, however, lacked a shine to them, instead holding a shadow that told of experiences one wished to forget. Perhaps she is troubled as well Kaelyn wondered pulling at a strand of her hair. She hoped that any evidence of her crying did not show, she would hate the woman to think any less of her.

“Who sent you and what business is it of yours concerning my block?” Kaelyn asked sharply, believing the situation was not some mere coincidence. Aes Sedai had done something like this before, directing her immediately to another wilder upon her arrival at the Tower. She had grown since then to understand she had to cooperate with the Tower if she wanted to progress, but was suspicious of anything that added another leash around her neck.

Seeing a look of confusion on the woman’s face told her, however, she was wrong and had reacted too hasty. Blushing slightly Kaelyn offered her best smile and stood gesturing towards a vacant chair. “Please forgive me, I have other matters on my mind. By all means please join me though I do not have much to offer. I have found very little and I…” Realizing that the torn manuscript still lay on the table Kaelyn jumped and quickly slide it out of sight.. She did not want to get in trouble, and could not trust this woman completely yet to see that she didn’t “…would love you to join me though this is a surprise I was not expecting today! I was just ready to give up, my search has been futile yet again, and I am beginning to be drawn to the conclusion that I will never find what I am looking for.” Her smile wavered with the despair that still stirred within her at the thoughts of yet another failure. Whatever it takes, I will be the best . Sitting back down she could not help but wonder if the light had sent her this woman, it was almost an answer to her prayers. Perhaps there is still hope left.

Evei sighed, and slid into the chair across from the other novice. Perhaps she has no wish to share her search. Evei looked over the novice, her gaze careful. The woman looked close to tears, and full of frustration and anger. Based on that fact alone, Evei couldn’t help but conclude that the other novice would welcome her help. However, the novice’s reply was anything but what Evei had expected. "Who sent you and what business is it of yours concerning my block?” The woman all but spat out the words. Evei recoiled, her eyebrows raised, even as she stared back at the other novice.

The woman all but demanded Evei’s deference with her words alone. Evei’s apparent inferiority was broadcasted in her posture, but Evei forced herself to straighten. The other novice had no power over her, even if she did act as if superiority was her middle name. It took both a few seconds and a couple deep breaths for Evei to believe that, but she conquered her fear. It was easy enough to summon the needed look of anger and hurt then, but Evei knew that the flicker of confusion had ruined the effect. Still, I have to try. “No one sent me but myself.” Evei declared, fighting to keep her words strong. “I simply heard you talking to yourself about blocks, and presumed you were study the same subject as I am. I apologize for interrupting you.” Evei stood stiffly, and turned to walk away.

However, the other novice’s voice halted her steps. “Please forgive me,” Evei turned, and took the necessary strides to once again face the other woman across the table. She sat down in her chair again, and gave the other novice her full attention. “I have other matters on my mind. By all means please join me though I do not have much to offer. I have found very little and I…” The other novice paused, and reached out to slip a torn piece of paper underneath a leather bound book. Evei’s sharp eyes followed the motion, surprised. Is that one of the manuscripts from the library, or just a piece of paper she was taking notes on? The paper had looked too old and yellowed to be a page of notes. She tore Tower property, then. Of course, Evei wouldn’t report her. It would only gain the novice’s distrust, and therefore halt any other dealings of information. Evei sat for a moment, lost in thought, until the woman’s voice jolted her from her musings. “…would love you to join me. Though this is quite a surprise I was not expecting today! I was just ready to give up, my search has been futile yet again, and I am beginning to be drawn to the conclusion that I will never find what I am looking for.” Evei looked up, unsurprised to see a shaky smile on the novice’s face.

“Of course!” Evei beamed, and then slid her chin into her palm. “I haven’t really found much information, really, past a few basic definitions of the term block.” She passed her gaze over the other novice’s pile of manuscripts, hunting for a book she knew that would demonstrate the knowledge she already had. Ah! That book she hid her torn paper under has the information I know. Evei reached out, and snagged the book from the other woman’s side in order to draw it closer to herself. She let her eyes stray to the torn manuscript, and then to the novice’s face. I won’t tell. She thought, hoping her gaze demonstrated her thoughts. If the other novice read her look, she would hopefully gain the other womans’s trust. However, Evei refused to dwell on her plot, and instead looked down at the book, flipping it open to a chapter she had read a few weeks ago. “For example, here it says that blocks can be broken by feeling the opposite emotion and therefore submitting to the One Power.”

Evei bit her lip, and then snapped the book shut. “However, my problem is that my block is not an emotion, but an action. See, if I don’t play the violin, it doesn’t break my block. I’ve toyed with the idea that not playing the violin for a lengthy amount of time might break it, but I don’t really think that will work. The thing is that none of the books I’ve seen mention anything about an action block.” Evei glanced up at her companion, and tilted her head. “Have you read anything about that?” It was a fair bet, really, to conclude that she hadn’t. Evei herself had both scoured the library and picked the minds of a few Brown sisters, and had harvested no information.

Evei had decided a few weeks ago that she was probably the first wilder to ever have an action block, disregarding the possibility that someone could simply have no documented information on their action block. Still, it was doubtful that any woman in the Tower would be idiotic enough not to document it, when there was no information about the concept at all. The only thing I can rely on is theory, then. It had been easy to conclude that thought, but Evei still didn’t know where to go. It was possible that her action block was tied with emotions, but Evei had no idea what playing the violin really meant to her. It had been a long time since she had ever really felt anything but the joy of making music while playing the violin. So, Evei had discarded the idea.

The idea of her block being tied in with an action was too much of a novelty for her to give up readily. Evei wanted to be new and different, though she also wanted to rid herself of the burden of her block. Still, the idea of being interesting in a way no one had been before was a pretty picture for her. With a sigh, Evei shook her head to clear her mind of wandering thoughts. It would do no good to ponder about such things, after all.

“What’s your name?” Evei queried, unsure. “Do you know what your block is? It’ll be easier for me to figure out if I know anything that relates to you if I know your block.” Evei glanced away, her gaze catching on the other novice’s book that still lay before her. If only the answers could be found in your pages. She thought, ruefully. Things would be so much easier that way.

Kaelyn sat calmly, folding her hands in her lap while she watched the other woman take her place. Evei was so easy going, so friendly that it made her feel like she had been swallowed in shadow. Pitying the other woman had been a mistake, for it was her that surely needed it. She felt even worse when she could not meet the woman’s smile with the same amount of enthusiasm, or better yet feel a sense of joy to uplift her spirits. She was not alone, and that should have brought an overwhelming sense of relief, but a light sent gift or not she wondered what place she was playing in the pattern. Evei was an answer, the one answer she had been looking for, but not through any books that could be found in the library. Ever since she had lost contact with Lalaine, Kaelyn had struggled with her situation, for she had been the only person she could confide in. There were many others that she could talk to, there was no shortage of friends there, but Lalaine was the only one who could truly relate to her problems. The only other wilder she knew. Yet before her sat another, and Kaelyn could not help but wonder if the Wheel was weaving her into another plot. The spontaneity of the situation and just the coincidence of another walking into her life, searching and struggling with the same problem was far too much for her to accept. Just the idea of it did nothing to dampen her suspicions that stirred darkly within her heart. Instead with mixed emotions she could not decide whether she wanted to laugh or cry, before demanding what game she had been made to play. Most of all she just wanted to truth. How can I trust you Evei? How can I really trust anyone?

Only half listening Kaelyn watched Evei as she spoke, with lips that worked with hope and excitement. Truth? There was far too much truth exuding from the woman that Kaelyn could not ignore. The sincerity of the way she spoke, and the plea for another to understand, almost stirred her to lower her guard and sympathize with the one that sat before her. In her heart Kaelyn could not find the will to let Evei face this battle alone with something that had haunted her ever since the day she had been brought to the White Tower. The look in the woman’s eyes was intent, and even now they sparkled, as if the shine in them had not been lost before. There was an unwritten language that radiated from those eyes, of a plea for trust. The woman was not a fool, she had known all along what Kaelyn had attempted to hide, the torn documents, though it was an effort that really didn’t hide anything at all. Although she was still uncertain, there was something about that unspoken language that made her feel like she could trust her. Almost. Lie? Anyone could act. The Tower was too full of deceptions, of half truths that worked its way around the full truth, so that nothing was ever clearly understood. A half truth was like an arrow in a wayward wind, leading an individual in a direction far from the main target; the main purpose. Kaelyn was tired of trying to puzzle out where she stood, in fact she had grown too weary with the idea. She did not want to be manipulated, and if this woman had anything to do with Aes Sedai sending her to help break her block, to offer a comfort so that she did not run away, she wanted to step in the opposite direction. From the Borderlands she had a stubborn streak that was nearly impossible to break down, something especially the White Tower would know about. They would also know that she could not leave someone to face battle alone, for fighting the Shadow was the life of those in the Shienar, of anywhere along the Blight. It was either fight together, or accept the mother’s embrace. There was little other choice, and right now she did not know which she really wanted to choose.

“What is your name?” Evei asked her offering a kind smile. Kaelyn could not help but offer a brief one back before finally making up her mind. She had heard that those in the last days of training to follow the path of a Warder had to learn one of the hardest lessons they would ever have to face: Sheathing the Sword. It was during her lessons with Freyja Sedai that Kaelyn realized in some form she would have to do the same. She had found it one of the hardest lessons that had ever been set upon her, for it had taken every effort on her part to realize that there came a time when fighting was not always the answer. The Tower took care of its initiates and whether it was through manipulation or deception, those that passed through it in the end always ended up for the better. Evei, her prayer that had been answered, she decided did not matter if it involved the Tower affairs or not. She had willed herself to cooperate with the Tower, to accept what came, and take advantage of whatever was offered. If her block was to be beaten she needed its teachings, needed the Aes Sedai who still caused her to both stare in awe, and still feel a sense of suspicion. But she had grown, learning to trust again, learning to accept help rather than just stand alone, and to fight a battle she had been losing. Evei, she decided most likely did not involve any Tower strings, she seemed too sincere to be speaking without truth. She was a gift that the Wheel had woven and Kaelyn realized that though this happenstance was beyond belief, the Wheel wove with a purpose and the weave of the pattern was set. Perhaps in the end the weave was not just meant to help her purposes, but woven to help another out from the drowning waters that had ensnared her for so long. In the waters where she still wondered if she would ever make it to the surface before the end.

“My name is Kaelyn Jaymareth.” She smiled feeling a surge of renewal from the despair that had sunken her spirits earlier. “I came here from Shienar, where I too was discovered by Aes Sedai who claimed I have the ability to channel, though it was here that I was finally told that I had a block. I am glad I am not alone, though I have never heard of a block such as yours. Perhaps there is more to your block than you may think on the surface, but I don’t think that refusing to play your violin will benefit you in the end.”

Kaelyn grinned though she could not help a friendly laugh escape her lips, her voice chiming with merriment which was quite the opposite of what she had been feeling before. “Through my lessons, we have determined that I can only channel when I am in a complete state of helplessness…as if I were going to take my last breath, and I do not wish to ever experience that again!”

Reaching forward Kaelyn placed her finger on the book Evei had retrieved from her pile before placing her finger on the contents that the woman had just read. “I do not think that we will ever find answers in books, or for that matter anything that lines these shelves within this library. I do think that the answers will have to come from within ourselves, though I do not like that solution. If you would like, perhaps we can help one another, if you are willing to face this battle with me. I am ready for it if you are.”

Giving her a hopeful look Kaelyn believed that the woman truly wouldn’t back out of the opportunity. She could not risk losing Evei now, but she had to lay out what they would face if she was in for the journey. She no longer wanted to face the battle alone.

Evei stared across the table, doing her best to read her companion’s emotions as they passed across her face. It was a skill she had always enjoyed, ever since Celosia, her mother, had taken her under her wing. For Evei, it was a way to pick apart her own emotions. For Celosia, it had been a way to take and receive. It is strange how different people interpret one action in different ways. Evei mused, her gaze thoughtful as it ran over the other novice’s face. Evei could tell that she was pitied, in some way, and the other woman was filled with sympathy and slight confusion. She doesn’t know if she wants to reject me or accept me, then. Somehow, Evei couldn’t blame her. Yes, she was playing the woman in order to gain the information she had. Still, Evei wanted to offer support and receive it. Her emotions were just as mixed as the other novice’s. After all, we are in the same situation. I want her to like me, and I want to like her, if only to better myself. Still, it would be nice to have a friend in this place.

As loathe as Evei was to admit it, the White Tower was a lonely place. Evei loved the Tower, and the information and learning it offered, but it seemed as if all things social were gone from her life. She had only had one social conversation in her month at the White Tower. And that conversation isn’t something I really want to repeat. After all, I somehow managed to gain myself a derogatory nickname. I only hope that all of the initiates of the Black Tower aren’t like that. In truth, the conversation had done nothing to relief her social isolation. I hope I can find a friend in this girl. Evei tilted her head, observing the other novice. It was clear that she was at least a few years older than the woman, at least two, maybe three. She seems mature enough, though. It was a good thing, too. Evei couldn’t stand girls who had time for nothing but making eyes at men.

“My name is Kaelyn Jaymareth.” Kaelyn smiled as she spoke, her grin lighting up her face. So she will accept me as a possible friend, then. Evei mused. “I came here from Shienar, where I too was discovered by Aes Sedai who claimed I have the ability to channel, though it was here that I was finally told that I had a block. I am glad I am not alone, though I have never heard of a block such as yours. Perhaps there is more to your block than you may think on the surface, but I don’t think that refusing to play your violin will benefit you in the end.” Evei looked at her, not wanting to admit that the thought had already passed her mind. That likely would squash chances of friendship. So, Evei smiled.

“Believe me, I’ve tried. I’m pretty sure you’re right, and my block has some sort of emotion buried in it. Still, I can’t decipher what it is. I hardly remember the first time I played the violin.” Evei replied, hoping she had stated everything in a somewhat delicate matter. It was all true, at least. The only thing she remembered was Simil handing her his old violin with a kindly smile and laughing as she tried to pluck at the strings with her fingers. They were fond memories, but they almost brought tears to her eyes. Oh, Simil. I can’t believe you’re gone. The thought of Simil brought her to both Malkir and Diju. It had taken a year for Evei to admit to herself she would never see her son again, but it had only been days before she had told herself to get over Diju’s death. It made her feel shameful, really, to mourn a son for so long and a husband for so little. Still, Evei hadn’t completely given up Diju. Evei still thought of him, and dreamed of the life she had imagined having with him as her husband.

Kaelyn spoke again, shaking Evei from her grief with a merry voice. “Through my lessons, we have determined that I can only channel when I am in a complete state of helplessness…as if I were going to take my last breath, and I do not wish to ever experience that again!” Evei couldn’t help but smile. My block is an easier one, then. Kaelyn can’t have managed to learn anything yet. Evei herself had had a few channeling lessons. The Aes Sedai had allowed her to keep her violin because of it’s connection to her block instead of taking it as they had done with her other belongings, and because of that, she had a few lesson sessions. It was hard, though, to focus on doing something as complicated as channeling while playing the violin. In truth, Evei hadn’t gotten far at all- only to learning how to channel threads of the different elements and a bit of basic weaving. It had been surprising, too, for she had begun to weave air as soon as the bow touched the strings. Still, Evei didn’t think she had been as shocked as the Aes Sedai. The woman had acted like she hadn’t heard music in years. Or, perhaps, it was the way Evei played with the One Power and her violin. The strands of air she had woven without any thought at all had caused the music to echo in their ears. Still, it was no time to be musing about such things.

Not even the joyous feeling as she played that Evei had been able to recognize as channeling the One Power and not simply the joy of music. It was hard to admit, though, that she had not always played simply for the love of music. Evei didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that, as a Tuatha’an, she had played for the exquisite feeling of channeling instead of playing to make music. It made finding the emotion that caused her block even harder to find. After all, if the emotion was the joy caused by channeling, how could such a block ever be broken? Also, it made no logical sense at all, either. How could the feeling of channeling be the cause of channeling when she could not channel without channeling? The very thought of it made Evei’s head hurt.

It was Kaelyn’s voice that broke her headache. “I do not think that we will ever find answers in books, or for that matter anything that lines these shelves within this library. I do think that the answers will have to come from within ourselves, though I do not like that solution. If you would like, perhaps we can help one another, if you are willing to face this battle with me. I am ready for it if you are.” Evei nodded, pursing her lips. It would not be easy, of course, especially for her. She knew not what emotion caused her block, if it was an emotion at all. In fact, Kaelyn’s situation was far better than her own. This is no time to be whining about it. Evei berated herself, then turned her attention to replying to Kaelyn.

“I agree. The strange thing is, I can’t really associate any emotion with playing the violin. Really, I’ve only ever felt the joy of channeling, and that cannot possibly be the emotion that causes my block, if it is really an emotion.” Evei couldn’t help but laugh. It was almost ridiculous to voice the failed theory. It was then that she realized she had failed to answer Kaelyn’s formality. A name for a name, a past for a past. “Oh! I was a Tuatha’an and Andoran before coming to the Towers.” It felt strange to admit both heritages. If pressed, Evei would usually tell only the fact that she was from Andor. It’s odd enough to be Tuatha’an, and even odder to be both Tuatha’an and Andoran. “The Aes Sedai who found I could channel told me I had some sort of block the first day she met me. It took the whole trip for her to figure it out, though.” Evei almost missed the journey to the Tower. Yalraline had taken the time to introduce Evei to the basic formalities of the Tower, and had even been kind enough to bring her slowly into the position of an initiate. Evei shook the thought of Yalraline from her head, for she had not seen the woman since.

“What kind of block breaking exercises have you been through?” Evei asked, hoping for some sense of what direction they could go in. “I figure we can try to expand on those ideas in order to help each other break our blocks. After all, I don’t think the Aes Sedai will mind if we work a bit on our own.” Evei smiled, still optimistic. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Kaelyn and she would somehow break their blocks together. The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. Evei contemplated.

Tuatha'an and Andoran? Kaelyn raised an eyebrow in confusion for that was something almost unheard of, or at least she thought it was uncommon. She had met the Tuatha'an once, a traveling band that had camped not far from her home place, though her mother restricted her from spending too much time among them. They were an odd people that not only stood out because of their appearance, but also their way of life, especially different from the land they walked on. Their clothing was so bright and almost gaudy that Kaelyn had to bite her lip more than once to keep from smiling. In her opinion she thought the clothing horrendous; however, she could not help but feel that it fit them…that it belonged with their way of life. Their wagons too matched the colors of their clothing, their homes also radiating exactly how they lived. Though what intrigued her most about the people was how friendly and welcoming they were, how soft they were compared to those hardened by the Borderlands. They were a people that went about their way, searching for a song, though for what purpose Kaelyn didn’t know. They did not live the harsh life of those defending the land from raids, no these people almost seemed carefree, and lived life to their music.

Kaelyn smiled at the remembrance of the music that floated in the air relentlessly in the camps. That was what drew her to the people, that music that breathed in her ear like a soft whisper. She had danced a few times too upon invitation, but she had laughed and graciously bowed out when she could see that she was no match to the people’s gracious movements. They moved as if they floated on water.

That was where it ended, though. Kaelyn although enchanted by the bright people, could not set aside her Borderland ways. She could not help but shake her head at how wool headed the people could be especially as they walked the lands they were on. While her time spent was short with them she had learned what they called The Way of the Leaf, though she had brushed it aside as foolish nonsense. Those people were walking in danger, and were susceptible to raids that could strike from across the border. That would destroy them, for she was told they would not hold a weapon to strike back. Just the thought of it had caused her to throw up her hand more than once in frustration, as she tried to make them see reason. Reason! Ha, those people would never see reason until I sat it before them! And they lecture me on how I should never strike a foe. Kaelyn shook her head unconsciously in wonder, for she could not understand how these people could say such things, when their way of life was protected by her people. If her people did not fight, those Tinkers would not even exist. In a way she almost pitied them, for they were as defenseless as a new born babe, and lived as innocently as well. She only wished for them to make their trek among the Borderlands safely, for she could not blame another for refusing to raise a sword for people who could just throw their lives away like that. They walked with a death sentence. Perhaps its those bright colors they choose to wear to make them forget their openness…or more like it make a target to their whereabouts to anything hunting those lands! Fools. Kaelyn could not help shake her head unconsciously at her distaste in the people. They lived life looking for a song that might not even exist, a wasteless effort that digusted her especially with her way of life.

Evei, sat in front of her smiling, though it was just then that Kaelyn turned her attention to the woman. The Tuatha'an she had met claimed they were Tuatha'an, and nothing more. There was no other hint from which nationality they were from. She had heard of those abandoning the way of the leaf, and forever cast from the traveling band. She wondered if that was a possiblility and she pursed her lips in thought though she refrained from asking more. Perhaps this is not the time. In the future maybe, but we have only just met. It was hard setting aside her curiousity, as the question lingered on the tip of her tongue, but she ignored it and drew up a closed fist to rest her chin on. Evei was peculiar. A very peculiar woman.

“What have I done so far?” Kaelyn reinstated the question before laughing, though it held more disgust than merriment, “Freyja Sedai has done numerous tests, more should I say punishments to provoke me into channeling. I have been through humiliation, urgency, and in a situation where I was filled with rage. Those she has tried but all have failed. Alas it was when she put me in a situation in which I was hopeless that I channeled, and it was amazing at that. The problem Evei, is that when I can touch the true source I have little thought of what I am doing. In fact the source acts through what I am feeling, not what I want it to do. At least not in the state I am in. When you feel as if you are about to die, your thoughts are wild, and you consciously have little idea of what is streaming through your mind. I know this does not make sense, and I wish I could explain it so that you can understand. If you have ever been in a state of panic, you will know what I mean. You act on impulse, without a moments thought on what you are doing. In fact it is often a wonder if you can remember everything at all in the end. It flies by so quickly you usually are left standing there wondering what just happened.”

“So for as long as I have been here, I can say there has been very little progress. My block has only allowed me to channel a few times while I have been here at the Tower, though it was not when I was control.” Kaelyn paused her eyes flashing, “When I do channel though, I am left speechless at what happens in the end.”

She would not go into details of what exactly happened, for she herself did not truly understand what she had done in the end. The columns of fire, which Freyja Sedai had named Spinning Earthfire, was something that the woman had claimed to be one of her talents with the One Power. Fire, a strength unusual among woman was inset among her, and she wondered what purpose it held. With it she was strong, but for now a walking danger, for she still channeled without conscious control of what she was doing. Light, Evei, if you knew that you would turn and run out of here as if the dark was at your tail.

“What have I done so far?” Kaelyn laughed, though Evei could sense a tint of disgust under the sound. I wonder if she’s frustrated at her own lack of progress... I know I am. She thought. Kaelyn’s voice was the only thing that stopped her from chasing the thought into analysis. “Freyja Sedai has done numerous tests, more should I say punishments to provoke me into channeling. I have been through humiliation, urgency, and in a situation where I was filled with rage. Those she has tried but all have failed. Alas it was when she put me in a situation in which I was hopeless that I channeled, and it was amazing at that. The problem Evei, is that when I can touch the true source I have little thought of what I am doing. In fact the source acts through what I am feeling, not what I want it to do. At least not in the state I am in. When you feel as if you are about to die, your thoughts are wild, and you consciously have little idea of what is streaming through your mind. I know this does not make sense, and I wish I could explain it so that you can understand. If you have ever been in a state of panic, you will know what I mean.”

Evei winced, her thoughts full of trollocs and tinkers. She could see Diju dying all over again, could see her fingers reaching for her violin. Evei could almost hear the last song echoing in her ears with her tortured screaming. Once again, it was Kaelyn who pulled her from the pit of self analysis. “You act on impulse, without a moments thought on what you are doing.” She nodded. I understand more than you think, Kaelyn. More than I can ever tell you. “In fact it is often a wonder if you can remember everything at all in the end. It flies by so quickly you usually are left standing there wondering what just happened. So for as long as I have been here, I can say there has been very little progress. My block has only allowed me to channel a few times while I have been here at the Tower, though it was not when I was control. When I do channel though, I am left speechless at what happens in the end.”

She nodded. “Nasty things happen, don’t they?” Evei pursed her lips, her mind full of ‘nasty things’. Trollocs falling dead at her feet were brought to mind. Trollocs that she had killed intentionally, with her own power, even though she hadn’t been in her right mind at the time. And the Way of the Leaf was lost to me. Evei mourned, already feeling the lack of her old life, of her old personality as Esoria. She knew that Esoria was lost to her, though her personality as a Tuatha’an still resurfaced. It was bubbling to the surface now, reacting to the presence of a kind person in the same dilemma. No. Evei thought, almost viciously. I will not let myself morph back into Esoria. That life is over, and I will not let it haunt me.

Evei straightened, taking on the role of herself. Esoria will not overshadow me. She promised to herself, adamant. “I understand, Kaelyn. Though you may not think I understand true panic, I do.” Evei bit her lip, wondering how much she should expose to Kaelyn. She wanted to reveal bits and pieces of her past, to share what they had in common with Kaelyn. But she knew that she wasn’t ready to tell it all, and that Kaelyn likely wasn’t ready to hear it. “We’ll have to try other ideas with block breaking. I don’t think bringing you to another state of panic will change anything in the long term.”

She tilted her head, tracing the grain of wood in the table lightly with her finger. “I suppose... Perhaps we should try to make you completely calm in a situation that you would usually panic in. That has a possibility of working, don’t you think?” Evei closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think harder. It would be hard to do what she just suggested, and Evei knew it. Such a situation is hard enough to induce, and to keep Kaelyn calm... I don’t think I’ll be able to manage it. I’m sure this Freyja Sedai has thought of it, though.

Evei sighed, and brought her eyes back to Kaelyn’s face. I wish I understood you better. She mused, even as she resolved to analyze more of Kaelyn’s actions. Evei yawned, her mind running in circles. There was no way that she could think of to cause a situation of panic and keep Kaelyn calm through the ordeal. It isn’t a one person job, anyways. Evei concluded, even as her stomach rumbled. “Oh.” She said quietly, before glancing out the window to find the position of the sun. It was past noon. Evei winced, and glanced over at Kaelyn.

“I don’t know about you, but it’s been hours since I’ve had a bite to eat. Why don't I go grab something to eat, and meet you at the Tower grounds afterwrads?" Evei asked, hopeful. Now that she thought about it, it had been hours. Anyways, the only thing that she had been able to find for breakfast was the white slop the other novices called porridge, and Evei hadn’t been able to swallow much of the stuff. I miss my old breakfast of berries and bread, but... That life is gone. I will learn to tolerate porridge. There were a list of things she needed to learn to live with, and porridge wasn’t at the top of the least. Meat. It was almost hard not to shudder at the thought of it. Evei was determined to eat the stuff, but it was difficult. The last time she had ever eaten it was when she was a young child, and Evei didn’t really want those memories to rise to the top of her mind.

It doesn’t matter now. I’ll never see Celosia again, anyways. I haven’t seen her in more than eleven years. It shouldn’t bother me anymore. But the memory of the mother who had all but hated her still lingered in her mind. Evei had never understood how Celosia had managed to hate her, for she had always been full of love for her own child. It doesn’t matter anymore. I have a new life now, and Celosia isn’t part of it. A new life. Evei liked the sound of it.

(OOC: I figured we should get Adena into things. ^^ )

Kaelyn could not keep the thoughts of failure running through her head as Evei started listing possibilities of breaking her block. Freyia really had only touched on a few of the possible circumstances of what prevented her from channeling, but the situations that had been presented to her…she did not want to go through that again. She had almost given up when she had thought it was the end, and really once she thought about it harder she had. She grimaced at the thought of it. You sweet girl. You worry about me yet I should be the least of your concerns, when you have the same problems as my own. How are we to break your block? What can we do as novices, when Aes Sedai can do nothing? Kaelyn blinked closing her thoughts as she watched Evei rise from her chair. Doubt was eating away at her, yet she rose and offered her warmest smile, for it was at that point she realized she was going to need all the support she could get to break through this.

“Of course I will meet you at the grounds, Evei! I will arrive there shortly, though do not rush your self, make sure you get a proper meal in. If we are going to attempt to break our blocks, two of us who can not channel even a trickle of the one power, I think we have a very interesting day awaiting us.” She laughed and gathered her books, exposing the ripped scroll that had been an act of her desperation. With a swift movement she put the remaining pieces together and placed it within one of the aged books. Perhaps we rely too much on the one power. Maybe the answer to our riddle lies outside of its uses? What if we have been going about this all wrong? She looked up and smiled to herself as she watched Evei disappeared around the corner. She was not alone any longer.