Title: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Description: it's a deep existential question....
Description: it's a deep existential question....
Valarian - September 30, 2004 10:22 AM (GMT)
My brother sent this to me, Some answers are friggin' hilareous.
Answers to the question: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"*
Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Bill Clinton: The chicken did NOT cross the road. Not a single time. Never. (It was a boulevard.)
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Constable: To get a better view.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
George W. Bush: Because that's what the Iraqi people wanted.
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Hillary Clinton: It was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against my husband.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DEAD DEAD!
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
John Kerry: I actually voted for the chicken to cross before I voted against it crossing.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Othello: Jealousy.
Plato: For the greater good.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side
Answers to the question: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"*
Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Bill Clinton: The chicken did NOT cross the road. Not a single time. Never. (It was a boulevard.)
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Constable: To get a better view.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
George W. Bush: Because that's what the Iraqi people wanted.
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Hillary Clinton: It was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against my husband.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DEAD DEAD!
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
John Kerry: I actually voted for the chicken to cross before I voted against it crossing.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Othello: Jealousy.
Plato: For the greater good.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side
Shaya - September 30, 2004 01:42 PM (GMT)
:lol:
They never cease to amuse..
But tell ya what.. in all my years I've never actually seen a chicken cross a road.. :look
They never cease to amuse..
But tell ya what.. in all my years I've never actually seen a chicken cross a road.. :look
Nanaia Sangre - October 1, 2004 02:19 AM (GMT)
*thinks about the chickens crossing roads* ... does a pea-hen count?
Lyla - October 1, 2004 03:00 AM (GMT)
oooh, I have more ^^ you prolly have already seen 'em but Ijust had to post... :P
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Loial: Ta'veren. He's crossing the road because there is a ta'veren on the other side.
Verin: Never mind the chicken and the road...The real question is, how can I use them both to my advantage?
Nynaeve: ~tugging on braid~ Probably some fool man asked it to cross.
Fain: I will use this chicken to lure al'Thor...He will be mine!
Mat: To be free of Aes Sedai.
Bornhold: Because this chicken is a Darkfriend! He must be brought to the Dome of Truth at once!
Perin: Ah to be a chicken. To be free to walk the road....Yes Faile I'm coming.
Aviendha: Who cares about a wetlander bird crossing a road?
Moiraine: ~studies chicken intently~ The wheel weaves as the wheel wills...
Elaida: The chicken will reach the other side! This I foretell!
Elayne: I am the daughter heir and I say this chicken has every right to cross the road.
Lan: Because death is as light as a feather and duty as heavy as a mountain.
Min: ~looks above chicken~ This chicken is destined for greatness, deep fried greatness, that is.
Asmodean: I don't know, but my lot is tossed in with his now.
Masema: Because the Lord Dragon orders him to cross the road!
Faile: It's Perrin's fault, somehow.
Gholam: He's fleeing from that foxhead medallion.
Thom: Because the Red Ajah gentled his nephew.
Gray Man: For the right price I will kill that chicken.
Fade: I don't know, I can't see him...someone describe it to me?
Tinker: The way of the leaf has guided him across the road....I wonder if he knows the song?
Shadar Haran: ~smiles~ it's all by design, trust me.
LTT: He's crossing the road to break the seals...break them! Now!
Moridin: ~fingers an empty mindtrap~ that chicken will be mine!
Herid Fel: The real question is, if one balefired the chicken after he crossed, would he have ever really crossed? Would his footprints be there? Would--oh hello Mr. Gholam--Would he--ahhhh!
The Dark One: CHICKEN. YOU ARE SUMMONED TO SHAYOL GHUL AT ONCE .
Lady Colavaere: I was just guarding this chicken until you got back, I swear!
Juilin Sandar: The Black Ajah tricked him into crossing.
Talmanes: The chicken is no doubt a Tarien soldier, deserting from the army.
Child Byar: ~looks at the chicken with pure hatred~
Rand: ~chuckling~ He's doing what nobody expects. As must I...
Berelain: Why are you looking at a chicken when you should be looking at me?
Draghkar: I have this weird urge to kiss that chicken.
Lanfear: I /will/ have that chicken. That blonde haired chit Ilyena will not have him.
Siuan Sanche: I'd sooner wade with the silverpike than cross this road.
Sammael: T'sag! This is your army, Al'Thor?
Sammael: I promise, this Traveling Box will allow all of you chickens to cross the road in an instant!
Moridin: The chicken is crossing the road again, as it has since time begun. This time it shall turn to the Shadow, as it has countless times before.
Mieren: Hey! Chicken! Get out of here! Beidomon and I are performing a very delicate operation, and the slightest disturbance could--NOOOOOO!
Hopper: The chicken is here too strongly...I must eat it.
Mat: That's one smart bloody chicken. It's probably being chased by Aes Sedai or some other fool bloody women. Bloody dice...
(from wotmania.com)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Loial: Ta'veren. He's crossing the road because there is a ta'veren on the other side.
Verin: Never mind the chicken and the road...The real question is, how can I use them both to my advantage?
Nynaeve: ~tugging on braid~ Probably some fool man asked it to cross.
Fain: I will use this chicken to lure al'Thor...He will be mine!
Mat: To be free of Aes Sedai.
Bornhold: Because this chicken is a Darkfriend! He must be brought to the Dome of Truth at once!
Perin: Ah to be a chicken. To be free to walk the road....Yes Faile I'm coming.
Aviendha: Who cares about a wetlander bird crossing a road?
Moiraine: ~studies chicken intently~ The wheel weaves as the wheel wills...
Elaida: The chicken will reach the other side! This I foretell!
Elayne: I am the daughter heir and I say this chicken has every right to cross the road.
Lan: Because death is as light as a feather and duty as heavy as a mountain.
Min: ~looks above chicken~ This chicken is destined for greatness, deep fried greatness, that is.
Asmodean: I don't know, but my lot is tossed in with his now.
Masema: Because the Lord Dragon orders him to cross the road!
Faile: It's Perrin's fault, somehow.
Gholam: He's fleeing from that foxhead medallion.
Thom: Because the Red Ajah gentled his nephew.
Gray Man: For the right price I will kill that chicken.
Fade: I don't know, I can't see him...someone describe it to me?
Tinker: The way of the leaf has guided him across the road....I wonder if he knows the song?
Shadar Haran: ~smiles~ it's all by design, trust me.
LTT: He's crossing the road to break the seals...break them! Now!
Moridin: ~fingers an empty mindtrap~ that chicken will be mine!
Herid Fel: The real question is, if one balefired the chicken after he crossed, would he have ever really crossed? Would his footprints be there? Would--oh hello Mr. Gholam--Would he--ahhhh!
The Dark One: CHICKEN. YOU ARE SUMMONED TO SHAYOL GHUL AT ONCE .
Lady Colavaere: I was just guarding this chicken until you got back, I swear!
Juilin Sandar: The Black Ajah tricked him into crossing.
Talmanes: The chicken is no doubt a Tarien soldier, deserting from the army.
Child Byar: ~looks at the chicken with pure hatred~
Rand: ~chuckling~ He's doing what nobody expects. As must I...
Berelain: Why are you looking at a chicken when you should be looking at me?
Draghkar: I have this weird urge to kiss that chicken.
Lanfear: I /will/ have that chicken. That blonde haired chit Ilyena will not have him.
Siuan Sanche: I'd sooner wade with the silverpike than cross this road.
Sammael: T'sag! This is your army, Al'Thor?
Sammael: I promise, this Traveling Box will allow all of you chickens to cross the road in an instant!
Moridin: The chicken is crossing the road again, as it has since time begun. This time it shall turn to the Shadow, as it has countless times before.
Mieren: Hey! Chicken! Get out of here! Beidomon and I are performing a very delicate operation, and the slightest disturbance could--NOOOOOO!
Hopper: The chicken is here too strongly...I must eat it.
Mat: That's one smart bloody chicken. It's probably being chased by Aes Sedai or some other fool bloody women. Bloody dice...
(from wotmania.com)
Nanaia Sangre - October 1, 2004 03:13 AM (GMT)
*ROFL* I hve heard some of those, but not all...*makes a copy for herself*
Aryatha Kalden - October 1, 2004 03:32 AM (GMT)
LOL! These were great! :)
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Gray Man: For the right price I will kill that chicken.
I love these two the most. :D
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Gray Man: For the right price I will kill that chicken.
I love these two the most. :D
Sidivin Yahbree - October 1, 2004 04:33 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE |
| But tell ya what.. in all my years I've never actually seen a chicken cross a road.. |
Well now you have. :D
Rialt Erydinan - October 1, 2004 04:42 AM (GMT)
:blink: :blink: :blink:
Mika Soljourn - October 5, 2004 09:26 AM (GMT)
deep fried greatness, that is................... And there wa much rejoicing B)
ROFLOL!!!!!
I posted the first one on Tar Valon as well; with two additional lines:
Osaka: because if does not wish to be handcuffed -by fluffy pink cuffs-
Yenie Sedai: Because it prefers being bitten above being handcuffed -by fluffy pink cuffs-
ROFLOL!!!!!
I posted the first one on Tar Valon as well; with two additional lines:
Osaka: because if does not wish to be handcuffed -by fluffy pink cuffs-
Yenie Sedai: Because it prefers being bitten above being handcuffed -by fluffy pink cuffs-
Salaine - October 5, 2004 02:36 PM (GMT)
... Because it's a stupid chicken? :eyebrow
As simple as that. *shrugs*
As simple as that. *shrugs*
Orpheus Rayne - October 5, 2004 06:20 PM (GMT)
:boing-boing: that was hillarious . . . uhh . . . 0.0'