The sun shone high in the sky by the time Shaya was dismissed from breakfast duty and her morning classes.
The thought of going into a dark and crowded mess hall to have her lunch did not appeal to Shaya much and so she slipped away in an unwatched moment. She had quickly pilfered some fruit and a piece of bread and now she took a deep breath as she stepped into the gardens and felt the sunshine on her face. She made her way round to the pond she had discovered during one of her earlier trips and picked a spot that would keep her hidden away from the public view. Sitting down on the waters edge, she traced her fingers through the cool water. Fish swam up to have a curious nibble on her fingers and Shaya smiled. She broke off a few crumbs from the bread and sprinkled it in the water. The golden fish streaked through the water in their rush to get to the bread and the sunlight reflected of their shiny scales. Shaya enjoyed the breeze that touched her face and hoped no one would find her here to send her off on a chore for a while. She just wanted to enjoy an hour of peace before she had to go back to her classes anyway.
Looking into the water, she caught her own reflection and realised she had changed quite a bit since coming to the tower. Before coming to the Tower she had spend hours in front of the mirror getting ready for the day and her current assignment.

Shaya was not a vain person, but making herself look as attractive as she could was like a farmer taking care of his best carthorse so it would last all the longer. She remembered the hours at the hairdresser to get her hair done up in intricate patterns, often with pearls or gems sewn into it to match the gown she was wearing. When she was about 12 years old, Caies had left her at a friend's house. The Domani woman had shown her what to do with the facepaints and powders to bring out the better features in her face. She had taught her much about how to dress to her advantage and also how to move and talk to get a man's attention. Frowning at the face that looked back at her from the pond, Shaya brought up her hand and touched her face. Without the paints and powders and her hair down, she looked like the novice she was supposed to be. The novice dresses seemed to be designed to make them and everybody around them forget that there was actually a woman's body underneath. As her fingers touched her lips, she wondered how long it had been since they had felt a man's touch and if they would ever again. It seemed she was doomed to wither away to an old spinster in this White Tower, even though she would have the Power in return. Bringin up her hands she combed them through her hair and then let if fall back down with a sigh.
She leaned back on the edge of the pond and listlessly bit into one of the small apples she had knicked from the kitchens.

The Mistress of Novices was a busy woman. There were always novices misbehaving and always some sort of paper work and other things to be done. It made Cayana almost think that maybe the pranks she had pulled when a novice could have been one to many for the former Mistress. She could probably have used a little time off now and then. Since having been appointed this position Cayana hadn't taken much time off. The little time she had been that one time in the city, getting to know Sanin, and the times she had spent with Rialt. It was to little. She was working so much she never really got to relax and think of other things and her task wasn't one she overly enjoyed the way browns seemed to enjoy books. No she didn't hate her position, but it wasn't exactly the most satisfactory thing to do either.

It was a beautiful day as Cayana was walking through the gardens. She liked the gardens so calm and peaceful. It made her think back on being a novice when you thought you had a lot to do all the time and really enjoyed being free when you were. Thinking about that made Cayana think that work-wise her job wasn't much different then it was being a novice, the difference was she wasn't loaded with more when caught not doing anything and she didn't pull pranks to get punishments. Light, just the thought of doing a prank and get sent to the Amyrlin for punishment. The thought almost made her laugh. Looking around herself with that amusing thought glistening in her eyes she noticed a novice at the edge of a pond a little ahead. Softly Cayana stepped up behind her, discretely watching the novice.

It was Shaya, Cayana knew the name of most novices that had been here more then a month, and she seemed to be mirroring herself in the water of the pond. The girl was clearly Saldaean, a beautiful girl really. She didn't seem to see that though, just the absence of normal clothes and other things woman wore. The girl was probably missing what ever her life had been like before the tower and so Cayana didn't bother the girl when she leaned back against the pond and started to eat small apples. They were probably stolen from the kitchen, but such a small thing Cayana could let slide if it was, besides Shaya could have been given them by someone just as well.

Cayana probably didn't look much like the normal Mistress of Novices as she stepped up next to Shaya and gazed into the pond. She was wearing the same type of clothing she usually did, a dark blue dress fitting her body perfectly, but her waist long hair was hanging down instead of being put up in order to not get in the way. It was rare for Cayana to wear her hair down unless in private, it was probably a residual of her training since she had only been raised little over half a decade ago. There was nothing wrong with novices and Accepted tying their hair back with a ribbon, but anything more and most of the time you had your ribbons taken away and if not careful your hair cut. "It's a lovely day, isn't it?" Cayanas tone was friendly and not at all demanding of the novice to be on her way and take care of chores. "Do you often come here?" Still Cayana hadn't looked at the novice, she spoke while gazing into the water and the fishes swimming around looking for bread crumbs.

It was only due to her quick reflexes that she did not dunk herself into the pond as a voice suddenly spoke up next to her.
Her heart jumped in her throat nonetheless and even more so when she realised there was an Aes Sedai standing next to her.
Shaya jumped to her feet and sank into a curtsy smoothly. If all the years posing as a noble counted for anything, it was how to make a smooth and graceful curtsy. She still had to smile sometimes as she noticed how unelegant and clumbsy the girls that came from the country to the Tower could sometimes be. She quickly studied the Aes Sedai from under her lashes before she rose again and decided that her face at least matched the friendly tone of the question. She knew any Aes Sedai would ultimately have an alterior motive, but as long as she didn't get send to scrub more pots, she would consider herself lucky. She hurried to answer the question, best not to press her luck and keep the woman waiting.

"Yes Aes Sedai, t'is a truely lovely day." She smiled -what she hoped was - a charming smile and thought she had not seen many Aes Sedai around that wore their hair loose. Most seemed intent on wearing theirs in tight buns on the back of their heads that complemented their look of severeness and reserve. The blue gown she wore marked her an Aes Sedai from the Blue Ajah, no Aes Sedai would wear a color dress around the Tower that represented another Ajah. There seemed to be sort of a neutral zone for colors that belonged to no Ajah, but even these she had seldom seen. Shaya was actually even more surprised that for once she did not have to look up at someone. Being short herself, she was resigned to the fact that virtually everyone around her was taller, but this woman was obviously an exception to the rule. The lines of her face marked her Saldean or at least from the borderlands and Shaya thought wryly that it would take one to know one. Not that she had spend much time in Saldea. In fact she had ran away from it as soon as she could, never to return. There was nothing of the Saldean sharpness left in her speech in any case, but still a few people had commented on her heritage since coming to the Tower. The fact that her eyes were less tilted than was common in Saldea, usually made sure she could get away with claiming to be from Andor, where her mother was from originally.

Her mind racing, Shaya thought about what to answer to the Aes Sedai's next question. Does she want to know if I sneak away from my duties often? Or is she trying to find out how long I've been in the Tower? It had become second nature to Shaya to trust nothing at facevalue. Her tendency for suspicion had save her live on numerous occassions. Still.. the last thing she wanted to do was draw more attention to herself by being rude and so she smiled again, making sure she appeared meek and respectful while she said: "Regretfully I've not had a chance to be out here very much Aes Sedai, but the gardens are very lovely." Shaya was aware that some of the novices also had to perform garden duties sometimes, but as it was somewhat of a treat to be allowed outside in the sun like that, it was usually reserved for those who had been in the Tower for a longer time. "I've not been in the Tower very long, so I've been too busy with my classes and my duties." Taking a closer look, Shaya decided that the Aes Sedai looked weary. It hardly showed on her, accept perhaps to someone who was trained in reading people's faces and bodylanguages. Shaya decided to risk being slightly forward with her. "Is there anything I can do for you, Aes Sedai? Would you like me to fetch you some tea or a cool beverage for you to enjoy out in the gardens while you sit and relax?" Shaya knew better than to suggest she looked tired, she would most likely get her head snapped off for being presumptuous.

Even though Cayana hadn't meant to scare the girl Shayas reaction felt satisfactory. She had clearly not heard Cayana walk up and for some reason it felt good to be able to walk softly like that. The girl knew an Aes Sedai when she saw one though, ageless or not and made a curtsy suitable for a noble. Interesting, she looks Saldaean, partly anyway, but the name doesn't strike me as noble. Perhaps she's not fully Saldaean. The girl answered here politely and seemed a little weary as any novice would be around an Aes Sedai that seemed friendly. Aes Sedai never did that really, be friendly that was, they seemed like it but there was always a motive. Cayanas being to get a moment of peace and not feeling the need to punish the novice or send her off to chores. A small conversation could give that peace, and also insight to the girl as she had show potential in her studies.

As the girl answered her second question Cayana only nodded and responded with a small sentence about the garden feeling similar to the Saldaean queens garden at one of her estates. "Though near to the blight walking in the garden isn't really all that peaceful at all times" she tailed off softly. Cayana had really only been to the queens estate once, as a little girl before her mother had even taught her more then the place of a child at noble gatherings, no wear near the adults. It had been quite some time ago now.

Suddenly Shaya asked if she could fetch Cayana something and it surprised her. Though she didn't let it show as she normally wouldn't. So I even look tired now? Perhaps I need a night out again? Just something to fresh up. After a short silence she looked at Shaya answered the novice. "No, I really don't have time for relaxing for to long during the days. You novices keep me to busy for that." A sudden sparkle in Cayanas eyes were visible and a small smile on her lips, then she looked at the water again. "Don't worry, I won't give you extra chores this time. Everyone can use a small breath of relaxation every now and then." She glanced at Shaya. "Just don't make it a to frequent habit, alright?" Cayana still used a friendly and jesting tone as she spoke, she meant what she said but there was no harm in it all. Shaya was respectful but probably hadn't realized who she was talking to, oddly enough, Shaya was new but Cayana hadn't thought her that new. Though Shaya hadn't been in to much trouble yet so a small change to her appearance could probably fool the eye at first.

"Do you like it here, Shaya?" Cayana asked as she watched a small bird fly low across the water. A pretty little bird, green with a white belly. Cayana couldn't name it though, she wasn't very good with names of birds she had no reason for knowing.
A little more time she could spend on making conversation with the novice. Knowing the novices motivation helped in a lot of ways, teaching them and punishing them when they were bad. Shaya would most likely not confess anything personal in this way, but even a small answer helped when watching the actions of someone and it was Cayanas task to watch the novices behavior after all.

As the Aes Sedai spoke her name, Shaya's eyes widened ever so slightly. How was it that she knew her name? Shaya took a closer look and had to swallow as recognition dawned on her.
She could not believe how much different the Mistress of Novices looked with her hair down.
Shaya had only met her briefly on the night she was entered into the book of novices and had been assigned a room, but she still should have recognised her.
She put it down to the fact that she had not been herself that night, she had been way too upset to take in much of her surroundings, even though her pride had not let her show any of it to anyone. Her assumption about her being Saldean was confirmed as Cayana spoke about the gardens in Saldea. Nobly born then, as I thought. The way the mistress of novices moved told her that here was a woman who was used to holding herself with poise and grace, more so than years of Aes Sedai training could account for. Shaya had spend some time studying the Aes Sedai around her and found that even though some of them must have been in the Tower of ages, she could still tell in most cases what backgrounds in life they had come from. Shaya knew how to relate to people from all circles of lives, but it were usually the nobly born that insisted on impeccable manners and respect from their novices the most. She wasn't really surprised when her offer for refreshment was turned down and she bowed her head respectfully as the Mistress of Novices told her not to make it a habit of coming out in the gardens. I'll certainly not make it a habit of getting caught like that, that's for sure. With a smooth face she replied however: "Ofcourse Aes Sedai, I will only do so if my chores and studies allow it." Luckily the gardens seemed big enough to find a few places no Aes Sedai would likely go. Shaya realised she had been lucky that night.

The mistress of novices must be in a good mood, or maybe there was that touch of weariness that Shaya thought she had spotted that made her reluctant to go through the fuss of giving her something to do. Not that she could find any of that tiredness in Cayana now. The Aes Sedai looked relaxed and seemed to be taking some time to speak to her in a quiet moment. Shaya thought she must have her hands full with some of the novices as she had met them. Her roommate being one of them. The Aiel girl did not seem to know the meaning of the word meekness or respect and Shaya swore she had seen the inside of the Mistress of Novice's office more times than many of the other novices combined. She seemed to take pride in whatever punishment she was given, the harsher the punishment the better. Shaya thought it was a bad idea to pull attention to yourself like that, but it was simply not in the Aiel's nature to do things the easy way.
"Do you like it here, Shaya?" Shaya was slightly surprised at the directness of the question. Her mentor had asked her a simmelar question earlier, only she had asked if she like the Tower, which gave Shaya a backdoor to comment on the grandness of the Tower, rather then commenting on her own experiences in it.
There was very little room to manouvre around this one though. Shaya had quickly realised that Aes Sedai seemed to have some collective way of telling when a novice or accepted was telling the truth and so she tried to stick to some version of the truth as often as she could. She briefly wondered if it was because they were so used to dancing around the truth themselves that they had become experts in spotting it in someone else.

The truth was that she was liking the Tower better than she wanted to admit to herself. She still resented the fact that she had been robbed of her life on the outside, but then there seemed to be so much to learn on the inside. Now that she had seen women channel and had seen what they could do with the Power, she definately wanted a piece of it. She resented having to do menial tasks when only weeks before she had been galavanting around some or other city on the arm of a handsome man, but it seemed a small price to pay for having access to all the books she could imagine and being taught classes that no one outside the Tower ever had access to.
"The Tower is very different from anything I would have imagined and it was a little hard at first to get used to it, but I think I am coping well now." She smiled again to show her willingness to share. She widened her eyes ever so slightly to appear open and pliable. Shaya didn't even realise it when she was doing it anymore, giving people what they wanted to see had become second nature to her. The plan was still to learn what she could, get proficient with the Power and then when oppertunity came knocking, she would be gone quicker than anyone could imagine. Shaya realised it could be dangerous to have rebellious thoughts like that even though she knew Aes Sedai could not read thought. At least she was pretty sure they could not. She quickly returned to the subject at hand.
"I think I'm just not used to being together with so many people at once. Most my life I have been used to doing things my way and on my own, but a strict structure is needed in a place as big as this." She gave a slight nod to indicate she had adjusted herself to what was expected of her and wondered how much of it the Mistress of Novices believed.

The widening of Shayas eyes was something Cayana didn't see as she wasn't observing the novice. But that the girl had been startled was noticeable in the pause of silence as the girl were to respond. The girl probably hadn't recognized her earlier. It felt half good, half bad that a novice hadn't recognized her. Every novice should know the Mistress of Novices, but still it felt good to be able to not be completely seen even among her charges. She didn't know why it felt that way, it just did.

The girl answered her half question from earlier, the one about not getting it into a habit to be in the Garden. Of course she wouldn't do it when she had studies or chores that was obvious, but it didn't really answer what she had said. Cayana wasn't surprised, the girl seemed to know a bit about handling herself around such things. Perhaps I should have just sent her off though? The girl might find me weak, as she seemed to notice my weariness, and get ideas about trouble I really can't let her do. It was stupid to regret what she had done though, she could only make sure to not make it worse.

The answer to the question she had asked, if Shaya liked it here wasn't answered. She was avoiding it. "I thought I asked for if you liked it here, not if you were coping or thought that a strict structure was needed." She looked at the girl once again, a glimmer in her eyes that didn't tell wether she was amused or if the girl should be weary. Cayana didn't feel like threatening the girl, but maneuvering around questions so obviously was a bad habit around the Mistress of Novices. Well at least she didn't try lying. Cayana thought to herself remembering an incident she had gotten only a month after arriving which caused her to lie to one of the Aes Sedai.

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"Cayana, don't tell anyone you hear!" Her roommates words followed her out as Cayana ran out the door hurrying off to class. Just right before that Cayana had commented on her roommate about a small incident she had seen in the Gardens the other day. She had been taking care of some garden duties and walked through a bunch of bushes and noticed her roommate and he young man sitting underneath a tree, being all over each other. As she had asked her roomy about the incident the girl had gone red as a tomato and tried to make sure Cayana wouldn't tell. Cayana hadn't had time to stay though as she had a class just a few minuets after and the girl had had to yell after her, Cayana didn't respond though. She should know I don't snitch like that, Cayana thought to herself when she ran through the hallways.

The week after one of the Aes Sedai had confronted her though, telling her her roommate was pregnant and asking her if she knew who the father might be. That the two had even managed to do such things were beyond Cayana, sure she hadn't told or even bothered them, but how they hadn't gotten caught anyway, it was just unbelievable. When the Aes Sedai had asked she had lied saying she had no idea that her roommate had even been seeing boys in any near that matter. An other of the novices hadn't been quite that nice though and told the truth, telling about the man, even naming him. Both her roommate and the man were sent out of the tower and the snitch got severely bullied by the ones who knew, Cayana weren't a part of it though, she had gotten to much punishment chores to get time for revenge.

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When ever Cayana thought of that it wasn't the punishment in itself that came to mind, but the reason for it. Such things weren't common, few managed to have such relations within the walls of the towers if you were a novice or accepted. Cayana knew of one other that had though, her very own mother. It still felt odd to think about. She was glad she had found out who her father was though and talked to him. At least it had solved some of the loads of questions that had gotten into her head after finding out.

Shaya soon realised there was no point in trying to charm this woman. She had probably seen and heard it all, as was obvious in her direct comeback. There was a look in Cayana's eyes that said she might not be in trouble yet, but she would very soon be if Shaya didn't give her what she wanted. Shaya inwardly sighed as she realised that even an Aes Sedai out for a break from her duties, was still an Aes Sedai. They brooked no nonsense from novices even though Shaya had managed to talk her way round a few of them.

She wondered if she and Cayana were just too much alike. Both with a Saldean background and virtually the same height, they could be mistaken for sisters at a cursory glance. Apart from that little detail where Cayana was the Mistress of Novices and she a lowly novice ofcourse. Heat flashed in her eyes momentarily, before she controlled herself and was once more a picture of calm. Her tone had lost much of the charming conversational tone she had used before though when she said. "No Aes Sedai, I don't like the Tower." She did not like having to say it one bit, not because it was the truth, but she didn't like it when people saw through her. Shaya realised she was walking a very fine line. Cayana could easily set her a heavy penance for those words, but worst of all, those words would cause her to keep an eye on Shaya and that was exactly what she had been trying to avoid. Keeping a low profile was what she did best. Go with the flow, appear to obey the rules and no one remembered you when the time came to run.

Cayana's look was making her uncomfortable, those eyes knew too much, had seen too much and in a way Shaya thought she would have preferred being send off with some chores to do. Shaya realised she always got uncomfortable if people showed a personal interest in her. Even before she had stepped into Caies' service, she would make up fantastic stories if people came up and asked about her. She would tell stories, because the truth hurt too much and she was afraid people would not find her interesting if she wasn't the daughter of a high noble, or a rich merchant's child that had gotten lost when the trader got robbed on the road. When she started roaming the streets and begging for money, she had found that the stories made good money. People would gladly give a few coppers for a little scruffy girl with tall tales. She had told so many lies, that it was hard to remember the truth sometimes, hard to remember who she really was.
As she was probably already in trouble anyway, she looked up and asked: "Is it a requirement to like the Tower to become Aes Sedai?" Her tone was completely neutral, even though it was hard to keep out the sarcasm. Once again anger was her defense when people came too close. She was good at pushing people away with sarcasm or hurtful remarks.

((OOC: I'm sorry this is so short, My imagination was failing me...))

It was clear that Shaya realized that Cayana wouldn't take any nonsense. Not even during a small break and a 'friendly' conversation as this. Cayana could never think of a conversation when someone was avoiding questions as friendly, it always ended with herself being annoyed and that wasn't friendly the least bit. When Shaya answered her question directly Cayana nodded. "What is it that you dislike?" She answered without so much as hesitation. There were several novices who didn't like the tower, most had been dragged here as they were wilders and some had had to come here to survive but hated the tower and themselves for the ability to use the one power. Shaya weren't Amadician or Tearian or anything like it though, most certainly an Aes Sedai had brought the girl here.

"Is it a requirement to like the Tower to become Aes Sedai?" Shaya said with a neutral voice. It was clear though that it wasn't a question out of curiosity, but out of spite. Cayana were clearly stepping on the girls toes. "Why work for something you don't like?" She replied, actually seriously. She was sure Shaya could answer that question herself. If she couldn't any of the novices could tell Shaya horror stories about the raisings. None of them were even near as bad as the truth though. "Why go through all that one has to, if you do not wish for it?" She added.

She knew a girl once who had said she hated the tower and that she would become Aes Sedai just to get her revenge. The girl never came back from her raising, most likely she never came out of the ter'angreal. Thinking about it made Cayana feel cold. She sent novices through there when she believed them ready, what if she was wrong and would cause someone's death because of it. I have to, it's the only way for them to let go of their fears and go on to Accepted, she thought, but it didn't make her feel less cold. She would how ever make sure that Shaya did like the tower if she was ever up for raising. If she didn't she'd just let the girl go. But first the girl needed to learn to wield the one power and that would take quite some time.

(that wasn't short!! :lol: )

It was obvious that Cayana didn't expect her to answer the second question. From what Shaya had seen sofar in the Tower, she had to assume that all novices got brainwashed to believe excactly that, for she saw most of them come in against their own will and by the time they were tested for Accepted, they were bowing and scraping and falling over themselves to kiss some Aes Sedai's feet.
"Why work for something you don't like?" Shaya mused over that question and thought it wasn't that simple. She worked hard because she craved the knowledge the white Tower could provide, she worked because she wanted to get out from under the pressure of their commands, but like had nothing to do with it. She thought not many people got up in the morning because they loved their work so much. It simply had to be done, but if she had to agree that if you could get pleasure from it, it would probably make any work easier. Hmm....something to think about perhaps. Shaya could not see herself actually enjoying the Tower and these people who were so far from anything she could relate to, but at least she could find joy in the knowledge and the skills they were teaching her. She nodded slowly, finding something in the Aes Sedai's words to agree with. There was still the Aes Sedai's first question and Shaya honestly did not know where to begin.

The whole reason she did not like the Tower lay within that one question. How could she like something that was so completely foreign to anything she had ever done in her life? Caies had trained her to be one of the most succesful gamblers, entertainers and con-artists in the business. After all the years of hard and relentless training she had been at the peak of her career, she had revelled in the attention of men in high places, had wound them around her finger as easily taking sweets from an infant. She knew ways of pleasing a man that could make a Domani blush, she had danced the Sa'sara for princes and noblemen, making their blood boil and their purses loose. Compared to all that, the Tower was like being put in prison. Her hands were permanently wrinkled from scrubbing greasy pots and her face hadn't seen a hint of face paint till she had come here. She missed being able to sit down and being the center of attention, missed being in control of her life at least as far as Caies would allow her. Even though Caies had been a hard and ruthless teacher, he had known her better than anyone else. There were no secrets between them and she never needed to hide who she was with him.

Here she was constantly dancing around in circles, not being able be herself and not being able to be someone else either. She felt more lonely than she had ever felt even as she was roaming the streets and begging for food any money when she was a little girl. She suddenly felt tears stinging behind her eyes and pushed them back with clenched jaws. Oh that's just wonderful, in a minute she'll have me bawling like some 13 year old novice who misses her mommy. She took a deep breath and gave a self-mocking smile. By means of an answer, she asked the Mistress of Novice her own question. "Did you not miss Saldea when you came here?" Shaya had not spend much of her childhood in Saldea, but there was enough to know that the life of woman - especially one that was nobly born- was quite different from anything in the Tower. "Do you never wonder about what your life would have been like had you not been able to channel? And are you sure you would pick this life if you could go back and choose?"

There was a silence again and Shaya started to look a little up tight, like a girl fighting to hold back tears before she spoke again, wearing a mocking smile. Cayana couldn't help but to smile at the question though. "Of course I missed my home, but I wouldn't have made a different choice if I could go back." Nobly born or not Cayana wouldn't have chosen that life if she had had to chose between that and living as a farmer. Light, I will never let any man rule me like f... Lord Alhi did mother, she thought harshly. Lord Alhi had been kind in a way, but it was clear he had done everything for his own purposes. That she had been part of the family must have been part of a deal with her grandparents rather then anything else.

She let go of the thoughts. There was no reason even thinking about going back or anything of the like. "I guess it sounds odd to you that a former noble would chose the life as a novice over playing at the courts enjoying winding men around ones fingers." She couldn't help herself from smiling at that, remembering that last night and how she had been so young she didn't want the mens attention that way. Now she played with them when ever she found it fun and 'appropriate'. "There are things beyond the time as a novice, though, things greater then to learn how to use the one power. I can say I loved the white tower as a novice, but I knew the reasons why the Aes Sedai training was the way that it still is. You'll realize why as well most likely, perhaps not soon, but eventually." She looked at the novice. Watching her every reaction. Shaya didn't like this conversation, Cayana knew that, but the girl would have to face what was in it if she were to last. "Well, I'm sure you have class or chores to deal with now. I have kept you quite a bit."

She wondered how soon it would be until Shaya heard about the greens and their habits, perhaps she had already heard. If she had perhaps the girl would connect that Cayana might not really have given up on winding men around her fingers. Just that she didn't do it in the same way anymore. Not exactly anyway. She wondered a little if Shaya was the same around men or if she was just missing boys looking at her. Well time would tell most likely. The one's who wound boys around their fingers found themselves in her office quite often she had noticed, and remembered from her own time as a novice and accepted. It was a habit that had lead to many nights scrubbing pots or doing other chores.

Shaya bowed her head at the obvious dismissal and made another curtsy. Cayana was right; there was very little more left to say. She could imagine the Mistress of Novices was looking forward to a quiet undisturbed moment without a novice bothering her.
It suited Shaya just fine. She had stopped enjoying where the conversation was going a while ago and she made a mental note to remember that the Mistress of Novice was not easily fooled. Besides that, anyone who came from Saldea was a potential thread as they might know her father. Not that many knew her real last name as she had been going by "Blackrose" ever since Caies gave it to her.
She nearly smiled to herself as she thought that the White Tower would probably be the last place in the world anyone would ever come looking for her. Gathering her skirts she excused herself from Cayana's presence and made her way back to the Tower at a brisk pace.
She knew better by know than to dawdle when an Aes Sedai told you to hop.

((OOC: I know this thread is sortof finished but I was looking for a place to run into Shaya. Hope you don't mind.))


When he had finished his paperwork an given new orders to his mentees, Valarian decided to go to the practice yard after dinner. He hoped he would find a worthy opponent to spar a little. If no one was available he would practice swordforms and train by himself, so he took his sword and attached it to his belt. He never wore armor. Some asha'man preferred to wear armor when practicing with melee weapons, but Valarian never took off his uniform to train, neither did he protect any parts of his body, and proud as he was of his status he refused to romove his decoration. He was not afraid of physical pain, nor did he mind dying. It was pretty unlikely he would die in the practice yard anyway off course, so unless the Dark One's armies stood by the gates of Tar Valona this very moment, Valarian would not die this day.

After he had escaped from the crowded messhall he went on his way to the practice yard. He had finished his dinner quickly to be able to spend as much time as possible training. Valarian did not like to waste his time waiting in line to get dinner, and he usually tried to compensate the time he had spilled by eating a little faster. He was looking forward to crossing blades with a gaidin while he walked through the gardens, when a woman cought his eye. The novice he had met in the library a few days earlier. She seemed to be talking to an Aes Sedai of the blue ajah, who stood with her back to Valarian. The Aes Sedai seemed just to have dismissed the novice, who was now on her way to the path Valarian was walking on. He slowed down.

Even though she didn't really look like Punar that much, still she reminded him of her. She was about the same height, and had that grace even though dressed in that novice's garb. The way she walked, her hair, her eyes, the form of her cheekbones... for a second Valarian forgot who and where he was, simply fascinated by the young woman, looking at her, allmost longing for her to smile at him as if he were 130 years younger. The novice seemed to notice somebody looked at her and inevitably their eyes met. As if he had been struck by lightning he suddenly found it harder to breathe. He felt like a child that had been caught doing something wrong. Something very wrong. Pearls of sweat formed on his forehead. Too late did Valarian regain his composure and tried to hide behind his mask, and too quickly he turned his head away. He gulped as he realised she was walking toward the path from out of the grass, which meant that if she turned his way, their paths would cross. He wanted to stop and turn back, but he was allready acting so oddly that it would certainly draw attention. He would simply pass her by, avoiding eyecontact.

Ironically, while his heart raced and made him feel more alive than ever, he wished he could die now. The palpitating of his heart somehow felt like blasphemy to Punar, and he longed to be burried and long forgotten like his love. He could not handle his emotion, it seemed to grasp him by the throat. Desperately he tried to regain his composure, and tried to breathe calmly, while restoring his cold Asha'man stare. In a few seconds he managed to get a grip. At least on the outside.

(ooc: mind??!! I'm delighted! ^^)

Shaya's mind was already on the classes for the afternoon and her studies for the evening as she rushed across the grass to the path.
Cayana words still echoed through her mind and Shaya found herself smirking. It was all fine and dandy to tell her to enjoy the Tower, but Shaya decided she would do things her own way for now. She caught a movement from the corner of her eye and lifted her head only to lock gazes with the Asha'man she had literally bumped into in the library before. There was no mistaking the tall man with the striking hazel eyes and for the few seconds their eyes met, Shaya was half expecting the world to go up in flames for the heat that came from that look. Then it was over just as quickly as it had started as he turned his head. Shaya wasn't sure she would have been able to do that herself and she took a deep breath to regain control of her wits. She realised there was no way she could avoid him without turning around and such rudeness would surely be punished swiftly. She wondered if he had been practicing for as he turned his head, she caught a sheen of perspiration on his forehead. Shaya didn't think he looked too pleased to see her again, if he even remembered her from the library. For all she knew, she could just be another novice to him, another minor irritation in the grand life of an Asha'man.

Shaya suddenly felt her stubborn streak act up as she thought he had no right to treat her like something he could wave away like a fly that kept buzzimg round your head. Even though she was only a novice, would it hurt him to smile and show some civilness? She could not abide rudeness, but she also realised what really lay at the core of her irritation. She simply couldn't stand the fact that he had not warmed up to her in the slightest when she used her charms on him in the library. She was definately not used to being snubbed like that; like she was a two copper whore clawing his arm for some attention, flinging herself at him for his money. What was even more infuriating was that her pride would not let it go. When she looked into those eyes, she could almost catch a glimpse of the passion he kept buried so well behind that wall of ice and indifference and she could not help but wonder what it would take to bring that out in him.

The distance between them was closing fast as these thoughts spun through her mind and she tore her eyes from his face before he caught her staring at him.
It was obvious that the path was not wide enough for them to pass without getting fairly close and so Shaya made a quick decision. Stopping and stepping to her side of the path, she spread her skirts in a curtsy low enough to suit the flamin Dragon Reborn himself. He wanted to act the high and mighty Asha'man? Fine, she could dance with the best of them. She would treat him with all the respect he thought he deserved and more. Her chin rose slightly in defiance as she thought those rebellious thoughts, but she kept her eyes cast down as meek as lamb. She knew better than to try and speak to him, for he would must likely just turn around and snap her head off, like he had in the library. She was dying to make some superficial comment about the weather and it being nice to be out for a stroll, but she was sure he would hear the sarcasm in her voice. Why did the man get to her so much?

As he had feared the novice came his way. It felt as if she came right toward him. Valarian concentrated on keeping his emotions restrained. There was no doubt, he had looked her in the eyes and now he approached him to ask what it was he wanted from her. It seemed only fair. When she would speak to him he could get away with a short "don't speak before you've been spoken to" like he used on the soldiers. It should also work on novices, and hopefully it would discourage her from approaching him again. But on the other had he didn't want to hurt the girl. He didn't want to be rude and tell her to go to the Mistress of Novices and scrub some pots. He had grown so cold since Punar died. It hadn't bothered him until now. He thought back about the day he met her, in the orchyard. He had been a different man back then. A soldier with lots of dreams and wishes. And one day in spring he had seen Punar for the first time.


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Valarian enjoyed a moment of relaxation between classes. while walking through the gardens he noticed a bench in the orchyard and figured that would be a nice place to sit down and overview the notes of his previous class. Overachiever as he was he wanted to become dedicated as soon as possible, so he could finally fight with melee weapons. This channeling stuff was really cool and interesting but he wanted to learn how to fight with a sword. He had wanted that since he had been a child. So he sat down under a tree on the bench, studying his notes from class when a sound of someone approaching made him look up.

The novice was the most beautiful girl Valarian had ever seen. She walked with such light steps her feet barely seemed to touch the ground. Her long black hair was moved a little by the wind, and from the look on her face she was just enjoying the weather and the garden. She only seemed to notice Valarian when he spoke. "It is you." he brought out. The girl looked at him, a little surprised. "Do I know you?" she asked, a little annoyed. Valarian's eyes became a litle sad while he shook his head. "Well then why do you act as if you know me, yelling 'it's you'?" She acted cold and agitated, as if she was getting angry. Valarian blinked. I didn't yell....

Should he tell her? He blushed slightly. "You're the girl of my dreams." he then confessed in all honesty. The novice bursted out in high sharp laughter. It hurt a little, the fact that she laughed at him, but he wasn't ready to give up. "I bet you say that to all the girls,"she snarled, he could feel her eyes downgrading him. "No. I don't. I never said that to anyone before." he brought out. He wished he hadn't embarassed himself by saying his thoughts outloud though. She looked at him as if she was talking to a retard. "You don't even know me." She had said before she walked on. Valarian didn't know what to say after that. But he knew, he was certain that that novice was the girl he would die for. And he would win her heart no matter what it would take.


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Valarian snapped back to the present when the novice from the library curtsied. He stopped. Stood still in front of her when she lowered herself to him. She bowed so deep and graceful that he almost wondered if she was mocking him. then she stood up, eyes cast down. Valarian kept his act together but had no idea where this would lead. She did not speak to him. Why? She has greeted him. But she kept silent. She didn't do anything Valarian could have her send away for. She just stood before him. Paitiently waiting for him to say something. She was clever. Off course she was.

He looked at her face again, allmost as close as the time when she had bumped into him in the library. Only now did he notice she had very strong Saldaean features. The irony made him want to burst out in tears. The girl that confused him so much came from the country where Punar died. This was too much even for Valarian.

He didn't want to be rude to her. His expression softened a little and his eyes showed something between kindness and sadness. "Is there something you would like to say to me, novice?" His voice sounded dry but soft. He hoped she would be confused, say no and go away. Her prescence hurt as much as it intreagued him.

Shaya nearly smiled in triumph as he stopped in front of her and asked her if she wanted to ask him something. The question in itself was strange given the circumstances, for she had in no way indicated that she wanted to speak to him. It would be nice to think he stopped because of her, but there was something in his look that told her it was more than that. It was the kind of look a man would wear if he saw a face across the street and could not figure out who that person reminded him off. She risked a look up in his face and immediately realised something had changed. He still looked as unforbidding as a stone wall and yet somehow at the same time there was a hint of a smile on his lips and a softness to his eyes that she had definately not seen there before. There was a slight hint of confusion there as if he wasn't sure why he had stopped himself, but couldn't help himself. Shaya suddenly found her heart beating a little faster and for a moment there was an exited flutter of butterflies in her stomach.

What made her heart go out to him was the flash of pain she saw in his eyes before he controlled again so quickly she almost thought she had imagined it. She didn't want him to go, didn't have any reason to make him stay and yet there it was. Perhaps it was just her pride that wanted to penetrate that cold exterior and perhaps it was curiosity to find out what went on behind those hazel eyes. At the end of the day it didn't matter to her for she realised she wanted this more than she had wanting anything since coming to the Tower. She realised her desire was irrational and dangerous, but if anything it was just more reason for her to want it. Tearing her eyes from his and lingering on his lips before she cast them down again, she wondered just how much trouble she would be in if she asked him to kiss her. Would he be shocked? Or would he simply be disgusted at such a shameless offer? It was almost worth it just to see if she could break through that facade for just a second. Just to catch a glimpse of the man inside.
"Yes Asha'man.. I do have a question for you.... How long do you think it takes for a broken heart to mend?"

Shaya held her breath as the words left her lips. The question had simply welled up from inside of her in response to the hurt she saw in him, but she had never consciously dedcided to speak it. As the words left her lips, she wanted to just turn and run, but to add insult to injury would be the worst thing she could do now. Instead she swallowed slowly as her mouth had suddenly gone dry and stood looking at him with a wary eye.

"Yes Asha'man.. I do have a question for you.... How long do you think it takes for a broken heart to mend?" Valarian's eyes grew big. He stopped breathing, and his heart seemed to stop beating. Images of the times he had almost died flashed in front of his eyes. He felt the blade in his back. It pierce through his chest, his hand grasped for the place the myrdraal's sword had once sticked out. There was only a scarr left now. In that very moment he felt weak and defeated, desperately trying to hold on to reality. Why did that blade miss his heart? He kept his legs from shaking. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg the creator to let him finally die, but instead he looked at the novice. Out of all possible answers she could have given him this had been the most painful. He no longer tried to hide his pain. He just looked at her and wondered what had caused her to ask this. Somehow she must have felt it. Had he been that obvious?.

He didn't have a reason not to answer her question. Because he had caused this. He had shown a piece of himself to the girl and she was curious, as most novices are. His lower lip trembled a little before he anwered, but his voice was clear and soft. "I do not believe it ever mends." He hoped she would leave him now. He did not want to be seen in this state. By anyone. Least of all the young woman that stood before him. She was out of line. He should have her punished for her bluntness. But he wouldn't.

The instant she spoke the words, she wished she could take them back with all her heart for the effect they had on the man before her. Pain radiated out from him in wave that brought tears to her eyes and when he clenched a hand over his heart, she thought for one agonising second that he was having a heart failure right that moment. She actually took a step forward before she could stop herself just before he whispered: "I do not believe it ever mends." They merely looked at eachother, both too shocked about what had just happened. What had she done? Was she so cruel that she would try and hurt him just to cause a reaction? Guild washed over her and shame coloured her cheeks. Nothing he could ever have said or done could have made her feel as low as she had done herself right then. She could not blame the man for not ever wanting to see or speak to her again.

Despite the background she had, Shaya had always prided herself on her honor. She would never take from someone who could not spare it and she had never betrayed the ones she was loyal to, like so many in her profession seemed to have no scruples about. Right there and then she realised she had an honor debt to this man for poking at the hurt he had so desperatly tried to keep covered. A single tear that she could not hold back ran down her cheek unnoticed as she found herself wishing she could take his pain away. She so much wanted to just reach out and cradle him in her arms for comfort that it almost physically hurt.

She took another step closer to him and then stopped, obviously torn between her desire and the fear she would do exactly the wrong thing. Instead she lifted a hand to touch him and let it fall again before it reached him. "I'm so sorry.. ." The words were barely audible as she whispered them. And sorry she was; she was sorry for the words that had torn open his wounds and even more sorry for whatever had happened to him to cause this. It was obvious he must have lost someone very very dear to be affected by it like this. Not being able to face her shame any longer, she gathered her skirts and ran from him like a pack of rabid dogs was chasing her. Tears flowed freely now and she had to wipe them away as she realised she could not see where she was going. On instinct she had ran back to the White Tower and she resolved to visit the Mistress of Novices later and request a severe punishment.

Her eyes were full of guilt. He stood there on the verge of breaking down. She didn't cause him to feel this. She could not possibly have known that by her simple question she could open the old wounds that now bled again. She reached out her hand, in disbelief when she saw how much her words hurt him. For a mere second he wished s-he could feel her hand, hoping it would bring comfort. He saw her tears roll over her cheeks. For some reason they made her look even more beatiful. He couldn't move when she gathered her skirt and ran away. Valarian watched her back until she was out of sight. Then he looked down and sighed. His hand, that still rested on the scar on his chest, lowered now. He knew this wasn't the last time he would see that novice. While thinking about how it could be possible she affected him so greatly, he realised he didn't even know her name.

He stood there, collecting himself once more, when a soldier passed by. The young man blinked, surprised, and then with a hint of triumph fastened his pace. Valarian wanted to slap himself in the face. How was this possible? The same soldier? For the second time? The creator is making a joke out of me. He turned back to look at the soldier, and tried to think of the man's name. He knew the soldier had been here for about a year now. What was his name again? "Mitaro." Valarian's voice was loud and hard. No trace of emotion left when called the soldier, who now seemed frightened. Valarian looked at the scared young man with his empty stare. "Haven't you learned not to look an asha'man in the eyes before you have greeted him with the appropriate respect?" The soldier trembled like a leif. and bowed deeply "My apologies Rei Valarian. It will never again. I don't know what I was thinking...." "Well then...." Valarian concluded with his ice cold voice. "I will make sure you know what to think next time we meet. Report to the Mastser of Soldiers at once for punishment. Dismissed." The soldier, who now seemed to have shrunk a few feet bowed again. "Understood sir." Mitaro said and went to the Black tower. Valarian followed him on a slower pace.