(OOC: Anyone who wants to play with a rather frustrated but fun-loving, men-loving and determined soon-to-be-Aes Sedai, do join. ^^ )

Farina closed her eyes and leaned back on her chair, frustrated at the complexity of the text she was trying to make some sense of. Farina wasn't particularly interested in the social structure and politics of Cairhien, but Arena Sedai had already taught her the basics of the Game of Houses and she refused to tutor Farina further until she had written a detailed report on the subject that showed Farina's understanding of Cairhienin relations. Farina wasn't too interested in the Daes Dae'mar either, but it was a part of her overall training in the customs and politics of different nations. And if she worked hard and at least seemed interested in the subjects, she would be raised sooner. Light, let it be so.

Farina was pushing sixty now, but the Mistress of Novices hadn't shown the slightest of implications to raise her. Farina knew the Hundred Weaves by heart, she could weave them in her sleep, and she had managed the Aes Sedai calmness and serenity for decades. She had studied dutifully and had mastered the art of weather manipulation and Healing, both Talents of hers. She was still having a bit of trouble at Keeping, but she was progressing fast. She had learned every weave taught to her, except of course those that required more strength than she had. She knew White Tower and Black Tower history, the basics of the Old Tongue, the laws and customs of the White Tower (at least the ones the Aes Sedai revealed to the Accepted), she knew how to link and she had taken extensive classes in Shadowspawn and different militaries of nations. She had spent hours with various Yellow sisters polishing her Healing skills and learning different herbs and other remedies. But recently she had spent most of her time with the Greens, although they wouldn't start teaching her for real until she had the shawl draped around her shoulders. Nevertheless, she knew exactly how the Warder bond worked and how Greens made formations during battle and other general things. What else did the Aes Sedai want her to do?

Farina thought that she was ready to get raised. She couldn't imagine what more she could learn, what weaves she could master without having the authority of the shawl. They said that their true training only began after they were raised to Aes Sedai, and Farina didn't doubt that one bit. All the interesting thing, all the truly useful things were only taught to Aes Sedai. And Farina wanted to get there. She felt like Acceptedhood had nothing more to offer her.

But what could she do? Just study harder and show the Aes Sedai and the Mistress of Novices that she truly was ready. They could hardly still hold into account that she had run away from the Tower so many years ago. Hadn't she shown that she was there to learn and she wanted to become Aes Sedai a million times after she had returned? She had left two children to become Aes Sedai, for Light's sake. What more could they want?

Farina shook her head. Those thoughts would get her nowhere. She just needed to continue working to show the Aes Sedai that she was ready. What else could they require? So she leaned forward again and continued reading Politics and plots in Cairhien.

Adena stepped into the library and looked around. She had been here many times over the past eight plus years. Mostly to clean, but this time she was just here. It was bitterly cold outside, and Adena had a precious bit of time to herself. She did not want to spend them in her room or the mess hall, and a novice studying in the library seemed unlikely to be given a chore, so here she was. She was not particularly interested in learning anything, but maybe there would be something that caught her interest. As a lady from a powerful House, and having spent over eight years in novice white, she already knew most things required of novices, but there was always something else to learn. Maybe she could even find something in these vast rooms that would help her break her block. And if she could break her block, she could leave this place. Finally be rid of the place she had longed to get out of for nearly nine years now. Ever since that day she had spoken with that mysterious man in the gardens- soldier or Dedicated she still did not know -her life had been different. She no longer spent all her waking energy hating the Tower. Instead, she accepted novice life as unchangeable, and looked forward to a time when she would no longer live under the rule of the White Tower and the Aes Sedai. She still did not know what she was going to do after she got out of the Tower, but she knew it was worth looking forward to.

She walked through the vast library, twice ducking into an asile, pulling a book off the shelf, and pretending to look for where it belonged as Aes Sedai passed. If she looked like she was working in the library, there was even less of a chance she would get sent on a chore than if she were studying. Neither of the passing sisters so much as glanced at her, but better to be safe than sorry- and hurrying across the frozen grounds to deliver a message or fetch a cup of tea. And the Creator help her if that cup of tea was cold when the sister who sent her received it.

Finally, after several minutes of walking, she found herself in a remote corner of the library. A section where books on politics were kept. Adena did not understand why they were so far back- it seemed to her that politics were important, and should be kept where they could be more easily reached. Or perhaps all the Aes Sedai who cared to know about politics knew all they needed without visiting the library. In that case, this corner of the library would probably be used by novices and Accepted who needed to study. Adena looked over the shelves until she found a section about the Children of the Light and Amadicia. That might be interesting, what did the Aes Sedai and Asha'man have to say about Amadicia and the Children of the Light? Adena's home. She picked up a book entitled The Throne of Amadicia and flipped it to the title page. It was written several years ago, but not so long that it was completely outdated. The "current" king discussed in this book would be the predecessor to the current monarch. That man had been dead several years before Adena was born, but this book was written toward the end of his reign. Anyway, it would probably be an interesting read.

She carried the book to the end of the asile, and headed to where she knew there were a few tables. She had cleaned this particular area often enough during her punishment from attempting to run away that she could accurately describe the grain of the wood in any given table or chair. As she rounded the corner to this small study area, she saw that she would have company. A woman with brown hair sat at one of the tables, carefully reading a large volume. She had a white dress, but hers was that of the Accepted, with bands of color around hem and cuffs. Adena did not recognize the woman, but what difference did that make? All Accepted were to be treated the same way- with respect. But if the woman did not see or speak to her, then Adena did not have anything to worry about. She choose a seat at another table, facing away from the Accepted, and opened her book. She decided to start at the beginning. There was no way she would ever be able to finish the whole thing, but no one place looked any more interesting than another.

She skimmed the pages, taking in some of what the author had to say, but just enough to realize the idea the Towers had about Amadicia. It was mostly introduction, giving the basic idea that the Children of the Light held the real power in Amadicia, but that was common knowledge. This author seemed to believe that the King held almost no power, which Adena thought was a bit of an exaggeration, but she continued to read, her mind flitting between interest in this book and a myriad of other things. She was only here to avoid an extra chore by a passing Aes Sedai, Asha'man, or Gaidin after all.

Why do the Cairhienin put up with this? The last chapter had intimately described the Game of Houses, which Farina still found too complex and very ridiculous. It seemed that you couldn't survive in Cairhien if you were an honest and open person. Everyone had a hidden agenda and no one showed or told what they really meant. Farina was sure that she would go mad in such a country. The secretiveness of the Aes Sedai and Asha'man were enough to make her frustrated.

She did know that she would have to keep up her own aura of mystery once she gained the shawl, but the Green Aes Sedai as a whole weren't as official and rigid as the rest of Aes Sedai. They could be very blunt sometimes, and most of them didn't hide their smiles. Of course they respected formalities and had their own that could be quite harsh, but they said what they meant and did what they wanted to. There were no conspiracies, no whispering behind others' backs, no insincere smiles or manipulations. At least, it seemed like that when she looked at them with an Accepted's eyes. Who knew what really happened when there were only Aes Sedai against Aes Sedai, with no servants or novices or Accepted to see. Farina shivered at the thought. She hoped that the image she had gotten was real.

Farina continued reading and didn't look up when she heard someone advancing. If it was a novice or Soldier, or even an Accepted, she didn't have to do anything about it. If it was an Aes Sedai or Asha'man, though, she could be ordered on some chore if she didn't look too busy with the book. It was rare to send an Accepted to do an ordinary chore, but most of the Brown Aes Sedai still remember the long days she had spent in the library as a punishment for running away, and they weren't afraid to prolong that misery, even though her official punishments had ended years ago.

She advanced to the chapter where the noble relations were intricately explained with charts and everything. It was utterly dull, but Farina was pleased to know that they didn't differ too much from other nations. After she was sure that whoever had advanced would have settled down by now, she glanced up briefly, only to see the back of a white dress covered with long black hair. She didn't think more of it, but continued reading.

But her concentration didn't last long. She had now gotten used to hours and hours of study, but if she didn't take any breaks, her concentration slipped and she knew that there was no point in reading further. She needed a break, but she still had more to read. So instead of leaving the library, she decided that a little chat with the novice would do for a break. She didn't want to disturb the novice if she was doing an essay or something in a hurry, so instead of just starting a conversation, she first asked, "Do you have a deadline with that?"

Adena read slowly, growing more interested as she read. The author of this book claimed that the Children of the Light had much more power now than they had years ago, that before the monarch had been a puppet, but could perhaps have stood up to his agressors had he truly desired. Now, though, he was barely more than a figurehead, the Children truly ruling the nation through the man. Adena reflected on how that compared with her own childhood. In Amadicia, the Children of the Light made no attempt to hide their power, however she had never thought that they had that much power. She had never heard that the former King of Amadicia had been overly weak, but perhaps that was the case, he simply did not have the willpower or bravery to stand up to the Children. Surely the King now held more power than what this author claimed the Amadician monarchs did. Funny how Adena could have grown up a noble in the nation, and yet the author of this book claimed to know more about the political workings than she did.

Well, whether the author was right or wrong- Adena was not completely sure what she believed -it was interesting. She turned back to the book, but had not read another sentence when she heard a voice asking an unspecific someone if they had a deadline. Adena looked up, there were only two people in this little study area, that meant that the Accepted could only have spoken to her. She turned around in her chair to see the dark haired woman looking at her and sighed. She had not really wanted to talk to anyone, but she could hardly tell that to the Accepted. Of course, she could simply say she had a deadline and then perhaps the woman would leave her alone, but for some reason she decided not to. Adena shook her head, "No, to be honest I only came to read so that I could avoid chores." Immediately, she wished she could take that comment back. Some Accepted would take that as an opportunity to assign a chore, there were many of those women who had completely forgotten what it was like to be a novice. Like they already considered themselves Aes Sedai, and thought that novices should always be busy doing something, and reading to avoid chores would not be considered something.

Too late now, when will I learn to hold my tongue? She had grown up a lady, for the love of the Light, she had learned how to say only the things that would benefit her, and yet here she was spouting off at the mouth. One small corner whispered that she was not a lady anymore, but she had already accepted that. She may not be a lady, but she had learned as one, she should not forget ingrained habits so easily. She needed to work harder. She had practically poured out her life story to that man in the gardens, and here she was offering up unimportant, but possibly chore-inducing information to Accepted. She waited, resigning herself to the possibility of a task, but hoping that the other woman would be kind. She had spoken to Adena after all, and for someone to simply strike up conversation meant they wanted to talk. No, that was what it would mean from a novice, but from an Accepted, perhaps she was simply looking to hand out a chore to a lazy child. Well, no changing the past, she supposed, but that did not stop her wanting to.

The girl's dark hair swayed as she turned to look at Farina. Farina paid quite a lot of attention to other people's gestures, so she noticed the little sigh the girl gave, even though the novice probably thought that she wouldn't. But it was understandable; novices always had to worry about being given a chore if they were interrupted by someone of higher rank. Or maybe Farina's interruption had been particularly untimely. That dampened Farina's spirit a bit, the girl probably didn't want to embrace an opportunity to chat with an Accepted if she was disappointed about being interrupted. Farina as a novice had jumped at any chance to take a break from her studies as long as it didn't include extra work. But she understood that some novices didn't feel the same. A simple word from the novice that she indeed had a timeline with the book would be enough for Farina to leave her alone.

But instead, the girl shook her head. "No, to be honest I only came to read so that I could avoid chores." Farina's slight surprise turned her serenity into a grin. What a careless thing to say. Some Accepted would have jumped at the chance to bully a novice, and with a comment like that, this particular novice was practically asking for a chore. Either she didn't really care if she was handed a chore or not, or she was too new to realise the error of her statement. Or she was just too honest for her own good. Farina was aching to know which of these options applied to the girl. But even though she was honest and quite blunt sometimes, she wasn't blunt with total strangers, even if they were of lower rank. And her aim was to strike up a conversation, not an interrogation.

"Good, then you won't be too disappointed if I only want to talk instead of sending you to wash dishes," she said with a playful smile. She hoped that the girl would actually want to talk too instead of just answering Farina's questions because she was obliged to. "I'm Farina." She hoped that the name wouldn't ring any bells with the girl. Her punishment for running away had been far from private, but it didn't mean that absolutely everyone knew about it. Most did, unfortunately. "How long have you been in the Tower?"

Adena saw the Accepted grin when Adena admitted what she was doing. Good, then maybe I won't get a chore. That was certainly good luck. The woman then went on to say that Adena probably would not mind of she simply wanted to talk, instead of sending her to wash dishes. Maybe her own little way of saying that Adena needed to be more careful with what she said. Well, Adena already knew that, but a small part of her appreciated the comment, not to mention the fact that she would not be sent for a chore. The Accepted the introduced herself as Farina. That name definitely rung a bell, although Adena hoped her recognition was not too obvious on her face. Of the few women who ran away, the vast majority chose to do so during their novice years, and much like Adena, most were caught and returned. Farina, however, was something of an anomaly. This woman had suddenly disappeared while she was Accepted. Even stranger, she was not found, Adena was not sure how long she was gone, but suddenly, she had returned to the Tower, apparently of her own volition. It was an almost-unheard of circumstance, and Adena could not believe the woman had returned. Why, if someone successfully got away from this place, would she willingly return? Adena could not very well ask though, even if the woman wanted to talk, few Accepted would take well to being questioned by a novice.

The woman brought Adena back to the present, asking how long she had been in the Tower. A long time, she thought ruefully. "Almost nine years," she said simply. If only she could just break her block, then she could finally be rid of this place. She no longer actively hated the Tower, but she certainly did not like it. She looked forward to getting out, it was like a sentence she was serving, but one she could not see the end of. But those thoughts would not do her or anyone else any good. "I'm Adena, by the way," she offered, wondering whether the woman would recognize her name as well. Adena honestly did not know how well-known she was within the Tower. The Mistress of Novices and several other Aes Sedai certainly knew how she felt about the Tower, and what her former opinion of channelers had been, along with Mirazhe. Perhaps if Mirazhe and Farina were friends, this Accepted might know of her. Not that it mattered, what difference did it make?

Sitting twisted around on her chair was uncomfortable, not to mention entirely unladylike. That thought came naturally, perhaps she had not forgotten as much of her training as she thought. That did not help with her recent tendancy to spout off at the mouth though, unfortunately. Adena turned around, closed her book, and stood, if this woman wanted to talk, then Adena wanted to be at least somewhat comfortable. She stepped over to the table occupied by the Accepted and set her book down. She gave a small curtsey, it may not be necessary, but no reason to take the chance. "May I sit?" she asked, touching the chair across from Farina. Surely if the woman wanted to chat, she would not mind if Adena sat. Although that was true, Adena thought she should probably wait. Eight years of being rather too disrespectful, Adena had spent the last few months trying to even it out. Not necessarily make up for what she had done, but just be on the careful side, just in case someone had heard of her and was looking for an excuse to punish. All those years spent pushing the limits, and now Adena was realizing that it was not so horrible to show respect to those who (the Tower claimed) had earned it. It made life simpler, that was for sure, and in the case that someone had heard of her, maybe it would give them a bit of a turn.

The girl's expression did change when hearing her name, but Farina was glad that she didn't look shocked or worse, mocking. In the few years after she had returned, even novices had had the guts to show open contempt. Luckily that had subsided once she had served most of her punishment and shown that she was a dedicated student. No novice would decline an order from her now, especially since she was so close to raising. At least she thought she was. Aes Sedai still didn't hide their contempt though, but they weren't too friendly with most Accepted anyway. Once she had the shawl around her shoulders, everything would be alright. Light, I hope so.

But the novice didn't say anything about it, and Farina was glad for that. She hated being questioned about her little escapade. It brought back all those memories and besides, she could never tell the truth. She had tried not to make an outright lie to explain it, but she had certainly bended the truth so much that she was worried it would snap once she swore the Oath.

"Almost nine years," the novice said to answer Farina's question. Not new, then. Honest or indifferent? It was too early to say. The girl introduced herself as Adena. Farina remembered hearing the name, but didn't try to recall. She wasn't exactly awaiting a friendship, but even a nice conversation was better if it was started without prejudice. It was too late on Adena's part though, but Farina hoped that she wouldn't hold her little incident all those years ago too clearly against her.

Adena turned back and closed her book, and then stood up and walked to Farina's table - and curtsied. Farina had tried to open an unofficial atmosphere, but the curtsy was still welcome, especially when she was sure that Adena knew about her running away. Adena was showing a bit more courtesy than the situation demanded, which was not unusual for a novice, but Farina appreciated it all the same. She even asked if she was allowed to sit. "Of course, go ahead," she answered simply, and waited for the girl to get comfortable.

"Nine years is a long time," Farina said. "Are you eager to get raised?" It was a useless question, merely something to get the conversation started. Of course every novice was eager to be Accepted. Being a novice was terrible. Being an Accepted was slightly less terrible, and so much closer to being Aes Sedai, so of course every novice aspired to be raised as soon as possible. Farina had spent fourteen long years as a novice, and now a lot more and a lot longer years as an Accepted. And the Light knew that she was eager to get raised.

Farina told Adena she could sit, and she pulled out the chair and made herself comfortable. The woman then mentioned that nine years was a long time, and asked if Adena was eager to be raised. Apparently she did not know of Adena, or not much anyway. Her attempt at running away was not exactly recent, but neither was it so far gone that anyone had forgotten it. Adena wondered what exactly she should say to that, she most certainly was not eager to be raised, she was however eager to get out of this place. She had told herself only a few minutes before that she was going to be more careful about what she said, but what kind of reply could she give?

After a few moments, a thought occurred to Adena, she hoped that the woman would not be offended that Adena did not want to stay, though. "I'm very eager to end my time as a novice, but before I can do that, I have to break my block," Adena said. She did not say outright that she wanted to leave, but it would not be hard to figure out. You could be raised to Accepted and still have a block, many women were, but they would not let her leave the Tower until that block was gone. For nine years she had been working toward that goal, and she was no closer now than she had been her first day in the Tower.

Adena waited to see what Farina would say to that. Surely the woman would figure out that Adena had no intentions of being Aes Sedai, but that was not what Adena had wanted to conceal. She was pleased with her ability to hide her complete distaste for the Tower, and the fact that for the vast majority of her time here she had considered Aes Sedai to be witches. Yes, she had done a much better job of omitting things better left unsaid this time. Now if she could just make a habit of that again, instead of her more recent tendencies, she would be happy. Perhaps it was because she had not spoken to anyone for almost nine years if she could avoid it, she had been largely silent for the majority of that time. Now she was trying to catch up for all the talking she had not done? What a rediculous thought, she was just caught up in this idea that she did not have to work to hate the Tower, she could just look forward to her future, whatever that might be.

Adena looked at the other woman, wondering what she was thinking. She was Accepted, Sealed to the Tower, and would almost certainly become Aes Sedai one day. This woman had run away and come back, Adena did not know why she had bothered to run away in the first place, but the fact that she came back spoke volumes. Maybe she had decided that it was better here than wherever she had gone. Popular rumor said that she had not been caught, but maybe it was not true, maybe she had been caught. Adena did not know why the Aes Sedai would allow that rumor to continue- it made them look less powerful than they could. In fact, Adena would not be surprised if the sisters started a rumor that some girls were caught who really had simply returned on their own, just to make themselves look better. No, Farina must have come back on her own if the Aes Sedai let that idea live for more than a day. Why though? What was so wonderful about the Tower? Why would anyone in their right mind choose to stay here in this stifling, power-hungry, greedy, controling place a moment longer than she had to?

It seemed that Farina's question hadn't been useless after all. Adena's answer revealed a lot more about her than the mere words suggested. Not too honest, then. Adena was saying that she wanted to leave the Tower as soon as possible, that she never wanted to be Aes Sedai, but she hid it behind innocent words. But she must have realized that Farina would figure it out. She wasn't new to the Tower after all, and Farina was so close to being Aes Sedai that even though she appreciated honesty and saying what you meant, she had learned how to fish out hidden meanings. You had to when you tried to understand Aes Sedai. But Farina would be the first to admit that she wasn't even very good at it.

Farina lifted an eyebrow, but didn't say anything yet. She wasn't sure what to think of the novice. Farina wanted to be Aes Sedai so badly that she could not understand what kind of arguments a woman could make to justify her want to leave the Tower, not becoming Aes Sedai. Especially so since even the chance of becoming an Aes Sedai was given to so few. She understood if a novice hated the Tower in the beginning with the strict discipline and homesickness and everything, but after nine years? A block would make things more difficult, but amendments had to be made if you wanted to achieve the strength and the power and the influence that came with the shawl and the ring. Farina had made two large sacrifices to attain that position, and this woman was willing to throw the chance away as soon as possible? Unimaginable.

Farina noticed how her expression had slipped from the smile back to serenity. She didn't force herself to look less hard, though. Something very like disdain rose up when she looked at the novice. She tried to fight it. She wasn't ready to start hating the novice.

"For a woman who doesn't want to be Aes Sedai, you talk very much like one," she said a tad too coolly. She bit her lip for that and tried to look a bit more approachable. "Please, tell me, why do you want to give up? Why don't you want to become one of the most notable and powerful women in the world? I want to understand. Well, I want to try to understand."

The other woman's face made it clear that she was not overly pleased with Adena's response, and that she completely understood what Adena had left unsaid. Her cheery smile slipped slightly, she did not look angry, she simply looked...well she actually looked quite a bit like an Aes Sedai: her face so trained only to show the emotion she chose that it stayed even when she did was not thinking about it. When she spoke, her voice was calm, but certainly not as welcoming and kind as it had been a few moments before. Clearly, despite the fact that this woman had seemed very understanding and welcoming, she was just as illogically loyal to the Tower, and intolerantly unaccepting of anyone who was not as every other Accepted this place housed. This was one of the very reasons she did not like this place: people who decided they knew you after two or three minutes, and who were completely close-minded on nearly every subject about which they were informed. Not that Adena could very well say that to Farina though, the woman may have wanted some company enough to ignore her first stupid comment, but the second would likely earn her some kind of punishment.

Again she was faced with not knowing what to say. She had seemed honest when she said she wanted to hear why Adena did not like the Tower, but in order to explain, Adena had to talk about the people who were here- one of which Farina undoubtedly was. She suppressed a sigh, and wondered what she should say. A small part of her wanted to revert back to the way she had been for the greater part of her time here; there were childish remarks and angry insults waiting just below the surface of her mind. But no, that was not her anymore, was it? Now she was committed to looking forward and not back, her life here had nothing to do with that idea that Aes Sedai were Darkfriends, or that she was the noblest lady among the novices and Accepted. She was not sure if that was a completely true fact, but Adena was quite certain that very few people outranked the daughter of a very powerful House.

That thought, though she had not considered it for so long, led Adena to a comment that she could perhaps make without incurring punishment. "I don't believe I do speak like an Aes Sedai, I just choose my words carefully," she said, careful to keep a tone of respect in her voice, she was not trying to insult Farina; she was just answering her questions. The fact that this woman ranked a step above her would not have mattered to Adena a year ago, but a lot had changed in the past year, and now Adena realized that a few bands of color and a simple ring were enough to keep Adena treading lightly. Or would she have been so polite to a novice as well? Perhaps not quite as careful, but Adena decided that she would certainly be better to a novice who made that comment now than she would have been a year ago.

"In my experience," Adena continued, "Aes Sedai are manipulative and serve others only when it helps them achieve their own ends. They are close-minded, and I think I can do better with my life than having it controlled by what 'the Tower' says is necessary or right. I come from a powerful House, I know what it is to be notable and powerful, my father is exactly that, and I will admit that my time in the Tower has not been in vain. I have learned a lot about the world and myself, and one of the things I have learned is that power and rank are not everything. I want to leave the Tower to do something better with my life, although I don't know what that will be yet."

Adena's voice grew stronger as she spoke, and by the end her voice was more confident than she had planned. As she finished speaking, she realized what she said. For the first time, she had voiced what she had learned over the past year, and only now did she realize how much she had changed. For years after coming to the Tower, she had defined herself as a Lady, and had believed that everyone was beneath her. Now, she finally realized that the title "Lady" did not matter as much as she had thought, in that, the Aes Sedai were right. Instead of leaving it at that though, they made themselves the ones who were better than others, which was just as untrue as the belief they had rubbed out of her. Adena mentally shook herself, what was it about this woman or this conversation that had her reflecting so much on how she had been before? What she should be focused on was whether she was making Farina angry, and what sort of punishment she would be earning. She looked at Farina's face, watching for an emotion, and waited.

(OOC: I noticed that you posted to the thread I have as Jetsuade, but I'm busy with school stuff and I figured that this thread is more important at the moment, so if my time is short, I'll post to this one first.)

"I don't believe I do speak like an Aes Sedai, I just choose my words carefully," the novice said first. Farina could have pointed out that she hadn't chosen her words very carefully when she had answered Farina's first question, but that wasn't important now. Whatever the girl would say next, it was going to be too interesting for Farina to interrupt now.

When the novice finally spoke, Farina listened to her carefully, not interrupting her. Once she had finished, she wondered how to reply. She could outrightly deny each and every point she made, but she was sure that that was not the way to approach the woman. Farina was sure that this wasn't the first time someone had told her why to stay in the Tower. And besides, she tried to act as if she was already bound by the Oath, so she couldn't possibly say that Aes Sedai were not manipulative and egosentric. She would never ever say aloud that they were, but it was hardly a secret. It was just... a fact that people endured to one day be in a position to do the same. No, that wasn't quite right either. Farina didn't mean to be manipulative when she was raised. Well, not too much.

Farina wasn't too surprised to hear that the novice was a Lady; there were nobles as well as merchants and peasants and crafsfolk among the initiates of the Tower, but whatever rank they had held meant nothing in the Tower. But it was surprising, though, to hear that she had learned that power wasn't everything. Farina was a peasant herself, and she couldn't possibly claim that she understood the psyche of a noble, but in her experience nobles were at least as greedy for power as commoners, if not more. And being an Aes Sedai was being in power. To Farina personally, it was all about being in power of herself. Being able to do exactly what she wanted. What could be better than that?

"Have you ever considered that you could try to change that?" She hoped that she wasn't just repeating something someone else had already told her. But how could she know? She would have to wait for Adena's reply to see. "You could be a different kind of Aes Sedai, not manipulative, not thinking just about your own benefit. As an Aes Sedai, you could do whatever you want. You would have power, but not only over other people, but over yourself, over different choices. Whatever you want to do with your life, you can as an Aes Sedai, even if you couldn't as a noble. That's something to think about, don't you agree?" She waited patiently to hear what the novice had to say about that.

((OOC: :lol: I didn't even know Jetsuade was yours. :P I probably did at one point, but I had forgotten...I was beginning to wonder whether this person had just showed up once, posted, and then disappeared again. :P
BTW, this is my 100th post :D))

Farina listened to everything Adena said, but clearly Adena's opinion had no bearing on this Accepted. Yes, she was certainly loyal to the Tower, probably to the point that she was blind to the faults of Aes Sedai. When she spoke however, she did not deny what Adena had said. Instead, she spoke right to her argument. She challenged Adena, asking why she did not decide to change that fault by becoming Aes Sedai instead of leaving. Adena thought for a moment. Would it be possible for a single person, one simple Aes Sedai, to change the way Aes Sedai had been for centuries? Adena found it hard to believe that it might be possible, but here this Accepted was asking her for a good reason. She thought for a few moments, what was a real reason a single Aes Sedai could not change that perception? All she would have to do was not be manipulative. Surely honesty could not be that hard for someone bound by the Oath that all Aes Sedai and Asha'man took.

She thought for a few moments more, why were Aes Sedai so manipulative in the first place? They wanted to do good for the world, surely they could do good without deceiving others or using their status as their only point of influence. Sisters were renowned for their ability to fill a room with their presence, could they not do that without flouting their rank? Could they be honest? Was that even possible for an Aes Sedai? No, she realized, it was probably not to any great extent. "If I were to become Aes Sedai, and try not to manipulate the people I worked with, what would I accomplish? I would be used and manipulated by every other sister in this Tower. They would all know that I was no good at the Great Game, and I would have a reputation for being honest and true. What sister in her right mind would not use me? In order for an Aes Sedai to be an effective tool for whatever she wishes to achieve, she has to be manipulative. Otherwise, she won't survive long in the Tower, and she won't be successful in anything."

Adena left her argument at that. Likely, it would mean nothing to Farina, and the woman may even be able to come back with some response or other, so what did it matter? It was clear that the two would not agree on this matter, Adena had made up her mind and apparently so had Farina. Still, she waited to see what the Accepted said. She was interested in this conversation, not to mention it was far better than chores or classes. She waited, watching the other woman's face. There was not much to see there though, she was good at keeping her face impassive. Adena wondered how long she had been in the Tower, how long she had been Accepted. Probably a long time, most Accepted were not that good at remaining unreadable, even some new Aes Sedai required quite a bit of practice. Well, that gave Farina one small advantage when she became Aes Sedai, one thing that she would not have to work on quite as hard as some. Adena watched her face all the same though, waiting for a sign of what she was thinking about.

(OOC: :lol: Not quite disappeared. :P Yay for the 100th post!)

Adena didn't answer right away, so Farina was sure that no one else had tried her approach yet. Otherwise Adena would have had an answer ready to shoot. Farina didn't think that she had changed the girl's mind yet, she wasn't that optimistic, but at least she had given her something to think about. Farina would not let a novice leave the Tower if she could help it. Of course, to become Aes Sedai, to become Accepted, you had to want to become Aes Sedai with all your heart. Otherwise you wouldn't survive the Arches. But since the girl had a block, she still had time. She could still change her mind and get raised. Farina was sure that a reluctant novice would not be called to the raising, but if Adena changed her mind before the block was broken and she was trained enough so she was free to leave, she could still become an Aes Sedai.

But clearly Farina had not made such an impact on the novice. Her answer was... rather insulting really. Not that the novice would know it of course, but Farina was honest and true, and she would try to remain so as far as possible even as an Aes Sedai. But she was not weak! Farina was sure that her cheeks blushed a bit in anger, but she kept her face smooth. She doesn't know. Farina wasn't through with her yet, so instead of lashing out in anger, she replied calmly.

"Being honest is not the same as being weak. And being honest does not mean yielding to others, no questions asked. To me, being honest and not manipulative means knowing exactly what you want, and trying to achieve that without using or harming others in the process. It does not mean being a pawn for other Aes Sedai. It means knowing the Game of Houses, seeing the strings others try to tie on you and avoiding them, but refusing to use others. Knowing the rules isn't the same as playing the game. But I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't know the rules."

Farina hoped that Adena understood what she was trying to say. That was how she would try to live her life as an Aes Sedai. She would be honest, but she would not be manipulated! She was not weak.

The Accepted's countenance stayed smooth, but Adena was not without clues to what the woman was thinking. She blushed red, but Adena could not be sure if it was in anger or perhaps embarrassment at being told such things about her heroes. What woman presumably close to earning her shawl would blush from embarrassment though? Aes Sedai never did that, they were never embarrassed that Adena had heard. Probably anger then. For the love of the Light, she asked me to tell her! She can't be angry with me for telling her what she asked! Adena resigned herself to a punishment all the same though, if she had angered this woman, then Adena's chances were probably done. Accepted, Adena had noticed, did not handle being angered all that well. Perhaps because anger was the hardest to restrain, and therefore they were more displeased when they could not emulate Aes Sedai in this one area. Whatever the reason, it did not really matter, Adena waited for Farina’s reply, fairly certain it would be a doling of punishment.

But when Farina spoke, she was calm, and made no mention of a punishment. It would not have been hard to find a reason for chastisement, Farina could say she had been insulting Aes Sedai and that would certainly be sufficient. But no, she chose otherwise. Adena’s case had won no victory however, Farina certainly did not agree, but she carefully explained her opinion. She said that just because one was not manipulative did not necessarily mean she was easy to manipulate, she just chose not to be used or to use other people. Really, Farina reiterated her statement very well in a few words, "Knowing the rules isn't the same as playing the game." Being aware of others trying to manipulate you did not mean that you had to be used by them, and it did not mean that you had to tie those same strings to others. It just meant were aware. Perhaps that was true. Maybe you could be Aes Sedai and neither use others nor be used by others. Perhaps you could even secure a positive reputation for yourself, then others would work with you more willingly. Not to mention, it would be good for the public opinion of the Tower if the only Aes Sedai someone met was honest and tied no strings whatsoever. Then that person would perhaps just think that all those stories were wrong, and he would counter them with his own firsthand account with a sister.

Adena tried to think of something to say in reply to Farina’s comments, despite the woman’s good reply, Adena was not prepared to concede defeat just yet. What could she say to that though? Honestly, the woman had left very little room for counterarguments. Even if she could manage to become a sister who did not manipulate others though, she would still be surrounded by manipulation and deceit all the time. But even that was not a very good argument, Adena could see that right away. It would not be good enough to simply say that she did not like the Tower either, Farina would not accept that. Although, what right did this woman have telling her what to think about something? Novices were not given many freedoms, but surely they had the freedom to make judgments for themselves. When did the Aes Sedai take a way a novice’s right to think? She had never heard any mention of that when she came, and surely if they added yet another rule to the long list to which the novices already adhered, they would inform the novices.

Anyway, she had to come up with something to say to Farina. She had no desire to give up yet, but what could she say? She suppressed a sigh, and thought for a moment. Suddenly, she decided that Farina should not be the one doing all the questioning. Perhaps Adena could turn things around by just asking a question herself. Or at least she would get some interesting insight into the thoughts of one of the Accepted. “Well, I’ve told you a few reasons why I would rather not become Aes Sedai, but I would like to try to understand why you do want to wear their shawl. I’ve seen many girls who’s only thought is about one day becoming Aes Sedai, and I simply don’t understand it, could you help me?” That comment could be considered a bit defiant, but Adena did not really care, she was truly curious about what Farina would say, why would a woman actually want to become a sister of the White Tower? It was a notion that had always escaped Adena’s understanding, and now she had a perfect opportunity to find the answer. One answer anyway, chances were that if Adena asked fifty Accepted why they wanted to become Aes Sedai, she would get fifty different responses.

(OOC: Sorry it took me a while. Icky school stuff!)

The novice was silent for a while. Farina was glad that she had given the woman something to think about again, but she wasn't sure if she had convinced her. Oh well, at least she had tried. The girl was probably just wondering how she would retaliate. Whatever she came up with, Farina was sure that she would have a counter-argument. There was nothing that would convince her that becoming Aes Sedai was something negative.

But Adena didn't answer her argument, but asked her why she wanted to become Aes Sedai. It was only fair; Farina had asked Adena why she didn't want to be Aes Sedai, she was well within her rights to ask Farina the opposite. But it still seemed like a ridiculous question. There were thousands of girls out there dreaming of being Aes Sedai. And Farina and Adena were two of the lucky ones who could actually achieve that dream. Wanting to become Aes Sedai was something obvious and natural for Farina, and now she would have to give a reason why she felt so...

"I didn't come here to be an Aes Sedai actually, I came to become a Gaidar," she said, hoping that giving some background details would help the novice - and herself - understand her reasoning. She wouldn't tell her everything, oh no, just the basic things that anyone would know. "But once I found out that I could channel, I was excited. I doubted at first, of course," for reasons that she would not share with the novice, though, "but once I learned more, I became sure that I wanted to become Aes Sedai. Power and freedom, which I mentioned before, are a good part of it. Aes Sedai might be bound to the Tower, but they have so many available options that are unreachable to the public. They have power and freedom to decide what they want to do, and to actually do what they want. There is so much one Aes Sedai can accomplish! There is so much I can accomplish as an Aes Sedai."

Farina noticed that her voice was getting a bit dreamy. But she had the right to be a bit dreamy, she had been an Accepted for so long and she was so close to wearing the shawl! She couldn't help but dream of the things she would do once she was finally raised. But now was not the time. "I'm not saying that being Aes Sedai has no downfalls whatsoever, but those are mere inconveniences when compared to the possibilities it brings. Compared to the freedom..." Farina shook her head. She was repeating herself. "Of course, saidar is a part of it too. I suppose that you don't have much channeling experience yet, but once your block is broken, you will learn the magnificence of the One Power. I could never dream of giving that up. I hope that's enough for you, because I don't know how to explain it better," she finished, and waited for a response.

Adena listened as Farina explained that she had originally wanted to be Gaidar. Interesting, Adena wondered how many men and women came to join the Gaidin, but instead put on the uniform of a soldier or novice. And at that, how many came to the Towers hoping they could channel, but then enlisted as a recruit? She had never considered that before, but surely there must be many. Adena put that thought out of her mind for the moment though, and listened to the rest of Farina's answer. She said that it had to do with the power and freedom of being Aes Sedai, and with all the things that one Aes Sedai could accomplish. She gave no specifics though, and left Adena wanting more detail for her answer. If Farina had wanted to say more surely she would have, but Adena thought that it in this circumstance, it would probably be alright for her to ask another question. What was the best way to ask, in order to get the Accepted to answer though? What would put Farina most at ease, and most willing to answer? Would it be genuine interest, or perhaps if Adena still appeared uncertain, Farina would be eager to convince her. Adena thought for a moment, judging the best way to ask, but finally, spoke without having decided.

"You can be free as a seamstress or an innkeeper, can't you? You would have an income, and you would be your own master, while here you have to answer to the Hall and the Amyrlin. And what sort of things can one sister accomplish anyway? It seems to me that the ones who accomplish much are the ones who are also the most manipulative." Adena did not think that she needed to draw the final connection- Farina claimed she would be an honest Aes Sedai, so how much could she really accomplish? Regardless of how Farina took her question though, Adena was interested in the answer, and despite her initial desire to prove this woman wrong- at least in Adena's own mind, whether Farina changed her mind or not did not really matter -she found herself intrigued by some of the things Farina was saying. Not that she was about to tell the Accepted that- most Accepted certainly did not need any help thinking too much of themselves.

Adena waited for Farina to answer, thinking about some of the things she might say. Being Amadician, Adena had never had any experience with Aes Sedai before arriving in the Tower- Aes Sedai tended to stay away from that area of the world, after all. Perhaps Farina had more experience than Adena with Aes Sedai outside of the Tower. Adena wondered what that would be like. Here in the Tower, Aes Sedai were imposing, but they basically had themselves, the Asha'man, and the Younglings and Gaidin for company, so they were all on a more even level. When a sister was out of the Tower, she would have an incredible advantage. Most people never had dealings with Aes Sedai, so how intimidated would they be? How easy would it be to tie strings to people, or simply to convince them to do what you needed without trying to manipulate. Seamstresses and innkeepers certainly could not do that, royals or high nobles could to an extent, but Aes Sedai certainly perfected the skill. Perhaps that was what Farina meant by power. Well, Adena would soon find out, she thought.

Adena wasn't satisfied with Farina's answer, but asked what exactly a single sister could accomplish in a manner that borderlined rude. Farina understood that the woman didn't want to be Aes Sedai and had some... interesting thoughts about them, but the comments she now made came very close to personal remarks, and Farina was sure that the novice realized it. She was a bit disgruntled, but she wasn't going to ruin this good conversation - or rather, an effort to convince her to stay in the Tower - by handing out a punishment now. Maybe she was being too lenient, but she was sure that Adena was not going to complain, so what did it matter? Nine years in the Tower had probably taught the novice that this kind of behaviour normally wasn't acceptable, so it was unlikely that she would try the same with someone else in other circumstances.

"If a woman is a deft seamstress and her deepest desire is... say, to raise a family, then she would free as a seamstress and could accomplish her dreams as one. But if a woman's greatest wish is to study the Age of Legends, she could become a Brown Aes Sedai and she would have access to every library in the world and every historian would be willing to share their discoveries with her. If her desire is to bring peace and end wars, she could become a Gray Aes Sedai and every ruler would have to listen to what she says and answer to her demands of a treaty and peace. If her desire is to reveal and destroy Shadowspawn and Darkfriends, she could become a Red Aes Sedai and have all the resources of the Red Shen in her use. My desire is to fight for justice, against the Shadow, for the Towers and for mankind. Could I do that as a seamstress? No, but as a Green Aes Sedai, I can."

"And you don't have to be particularly manipulative for any of those. Except, maybe, for the Gray Aes Sedai part. You don't have to manipulate to get historians to speak to you, they will do that because they honour and perhaps fear you. The power comes with their respect, not with manipulation. There are some causes that require manipulation, like some of the Blue Ajah's causes and maybe the Gray's, but most of them do not outright require manipulation. I am convinced that you can follow your dreams as an Aes Sedai without resorting to manipulation."

Farina thought for a while for something more to add, but finally leaned back a bit as a sign that she was finished. She was eager to know what the novice would think of that. Would she be satisfied with Farina's arguments now?

Farina's thoughts did not really show on her face, so Adena had no idea what to expect. When the Accepted answered, Adena was far from disappointed. Adena really had not known what the woman would say, but her answer had not only given the answer for Farina, but probably for half of the Accepted in the Tower, as she discussed several Ajahs. The power was not what was important, it was what the Aes Sedai could do with the power. What a contrast to nobles, who wanted power so that they could get more power, and then use that power to lord over those of lower status. According to Farina, the Aes Sedai genuinely wanted to help the world. She went on to say that although some sisters found it necessary to be manipulative, it was not really necessary. The power and status associated with the name "Aes Sedai" was enough for most people to do what you needed them to without having to manipulate them. That was a good thought, but Adena was skeptical about how practical that ideal was. They had already been over that though, Farina did not think manipulation would be necessary, and that was her own perogative, Adena simply chose not to believe too easily.

She leaned back a bit in her chair. What could she say now? Farina had met all her questions, and had answered them all. Adena was mostly satisfied with what she had said. That did not mean that Adena suddenly wanted to become Aes Sedai though, which was why this conversation had begun. What was she supposed to say now? She did not really have any more questions, and Farina had not asked her anything. She wondered if she could just tell Farina it had been a nice chat, but it really didn't matter much. That might be too rude though, and Adena decided not to take the chance. That thought sparked another though, a different way of saying nearly the same thing, but with considerably less insolence.

"I'm glad you have a good reason to become Aes Sedai, Accepted Farina," Adena said, "but I guess to answer your first question, at the very base of it I don't want to because I don't have a good reason like that, I've never thought about it." She almost said more, but stopped herself. That was more than enough, and the woman certainly would not want to know any more. Adena could not help herself thinking through what she was going to say all the same. She had grown up in Amadicia, she had never had dealings with Aes Sedai, and since coming here, she had only had a negative view of the sisters. Never in her life had she wanted to become Aes Sedai, and never had she given a moment's thought, had never seen any reason to change her mind. She only wanted to stop channeling accidentally, after that, well she did not know yet, but never had her plans for the future included a fringed shawl or Great Serpent ring.

(OOC: Sorry it's quite late and a bit short.)

Farina was sure that she had given Adena something to think about. She didn't say anything right away, and Farina wondered if she would find a way to question what Farina had said. Everything she had said was her own personal opinions, of course, but she was sure that most Accepted would not disagree with them. Most Aes Sedai would probably find them suitable. But most Aes Sedai would probably try to hide the fact that they were manipulative, at least from novices and 'common people'. Farina did not deny the fact that in reality some Aes Sedai were very manipulative indeed, but she was still adamant in her opinion that you didn't have to be manipulative in order to be Aes Sedai. By the Light, she hoped that it was true. Soon she would know, when she finally wrapped the shawl around her shoulders and started her work with other Aes Sedai as an equal.

"I'm glad you have a good reason to become Aes Sedai, Accepted Farina," Adena finally said, "but I guess to answer your first question, at the very base of it I don't want to because I don't have a good reason like that, I've never thought about it." Farina was rather satisfied with that. Adena had understood what Farina had tried to explain, and maybe that knowledge would some day help the woman to decide to stay in the Tower. Farina would not be able to force the novice to choose a suitable reason to stay in the Tower, she would have to find one herself. Farina hoped that she would before her stay in the Tower could end.

Farina smiled a little. "I hope that one day you will think about it. I see that you still wish to leave the Tower, but I suggest that you get to know the Ajahs and their purposes and maybe some individual Aes Sedai if you haven't already. If you are to leave the Tower, wouldn't it be better to know what exactly you are leaving behind? If you have full knowledge of the different opportunities the Tower has to offer, you will have no regrets later if you do wish to leave in spite of these opportunities." Farina did not say out loud her probably obvious hope that while doing so Adena would find a suitable goal that would want her to become Aes Sedai. "Please think about it."

Adena waited to see what Farina would say to her comment. She thought that she might have too forthcoming again, but at least she had stopped herself before she said anymore. Farina was kind in her reply, saying that she understood, but she encouraged Adena to look into the Ajahs and at least see what the Tower had to offer before she made up her mind. Adena thought about that for a moment. Perhaps that would not be so bad, and yet, it might just be another ploy by the Tower to keep her trapped her until they could tie such strings that she could never get away. Until they could somehow convince her that she did not want to get away. Was that the same as truly wanting to stay? She stopped her mind going down that path, it would probably lead to no real conclusion other than a headache. She was no White, to absorb herself in such logic, although perhaps a White could answer the question. Not that Adena would ever ask, but it was an interesting idea.

"I suppose that wouldn't be such a bad idea," she conceded, but did not say that although she agreed to give the Tower a chance, it would not be much of a chance. She did not know where to begin anyway. She could look at the Ajahs, she supposed, but the Ajahs did not readily give information away to novices. Too many did not stay in the Tower for them to give away much information, Light, they hardly gave information to the Accepted, and they were sealed to the Tower. Novices were not supposed to think about Ajah anyway, and it was not even encouraged for Accepted, though everyone knew they all did. Farina was a perfect example, she had already chosen her Ajah, and had even told Adena which she had chosen.

She wondered if she should say something else. Farina had originally seemed to want Adena to change her mind, but she had been very accepting of Adena saying that she did not have a reason to become Aes Sedai. Yet, Adena felt like she needed to say something else...but she did not know what. So she stayed silent, and waited to see what Farina would say. She wondered what the woman would say next, and what else she had up her sleeve to convince Adena to stay here. It seemed to Adena that the Aes Sedai had taken notice of her, and were now sending intiates to cross her path who would, somehow, say something to make Adena completely uncertain of her future or what she thought. Farina had not done that, necessarily, but Adena had agreed to look into the future the Tower could offer, which was a suggestion she would have laughed at a short time ago. She could see her life changing, but some part of her said that it was alright, despite the fact that these changes had not been her idea, maybe it would not be bad in the end. The end, however, was a mystery that made Adena more than a little nervous.

"I suppose that wouldn't be such a bad idea," Adena finally conceded. Farina smiled. If the novice did study the Ajahs and what it meant to be Aes Sedai and still decided that she wanted to leave, Farina knew that there was nothing she could do about it. She hoped that she had somewhat helped Adena around her negative ideas about Aes Sedai, and there was still hope to make Adena see that not all Aes Sedai were what she thought. But if Adena did see Aes Sedai as they were and understood the diversity within their goals and still decided that the position as an Aes Sedai had nothing to offer her, Farina would have to give in. She would never understand such a decision, because in her opinion, being Aes Sedai opened the doors for so many different things, but she would accept it. She would just have to make sure that Adena was fully informed. There was little chance that she would deny the possibilities what came with being Aes Sedai when she managed to get rid of her prejudices.

Farina did feel like she had won. She hadn't been able to convince the novice to stay, but Adena had agreed that getting to know the Ajahs was a good idea, so Aes Sedai would continue Farina's work in showing what the Tower could offer. She just hoped that Adena would find that reason to become Aes Sedai.

She wondered what to say next. Adena had asked no questions, but she did not show impatience with their conversation either. Farina could not think of more arguments on their subject, so she decided that a change could be in order. "Aside from all that, how have you settled in? I know the chores are tedious, but have you taking any interesting classes?"

Farina accepted Adena's remark, and to Adena's surprise, did not make any further efforts to convince Adena to stay in the Tower. Rather, she asked how Adena had settled in, and about her classes. How had she settled in? Light, she hardly remember settling in, that had been so long ago. She thought about the classes. Interesting? Well, she had certainly learned a lot over the past nine years on a variety of subjects. Customs and cultures classes were common, Aes Sedai had to be comfortable in any setting, after all, so future Aes Sedai had to know all about those settings. "Settling in was fine," she said after a moment. A complete lie if she was honest, but much easier than telling the truth. She did not particularly want to share her entire life story with this woman she had only met moments ago, this was just easier.

"As far as classes, I've learned some interesting things about other nations, and I took a class a few years ago about the Age of Legends that was particularly interesting." The Age of Legends was certainly not something she had ever learned about in Amadicia. The Age of Legends was hardly remembered outside of Tar Valon, and when it was mentioned, it was usually with an air of disdain, as it was strongly connected with channelers. Even when she had taken the class however, when she believed that channelers were Darkfriends, she had been amazed at what the ancient Aes Sedai had been able to do. In the years since the taint on saidin had been cleansed, Aes Sedai and Asha'man had uncovered many fascinating things that could be done with the Power, but they had never succeeded in bringing about another Age of Legends.

"What is the most interesting class you've taken?" Adena asked Farina, hoping that the Accepted would not mind. Oh stop worrying, she told herself, the woman hasn't minded any questions yet, she's not going to start now! She pushed the worry away, and waited for Farina to answer. This was sure to be a more interesting question than the one she had just answered. Farina had probably taken many more classes than Adena, and would be able to give some insight on what was most interesting. The very interesting classes probably came as Accepted anyway, they were far more individualized, and gave more opportunity for interaction. That was something Adena would probably never experience if she left the Tower however. She waited to see what Farina would say, perhaps it would be a novice class that Adena could look into, and see what was so very interesting about it.

Adena did not want to approach the subject of settling in. She just said it had been fine, but didn't elaborate. Farina didn't push her. It was a rather personal question, and could touch some personal sorrows. Farina's settling in was not a story she shared willingly, so she didn't blame Adena for not sharing hers. Farina hardly knew her, anyway. Finally Adena did answer her other question properly, mentioning a class about the Age of Legends as one of the most interesting. Farina was not that interested in history, but she did enjoy the stories about the amazing Age of Legends. And she was rather interested in other nations too, when she thought about it. She just couldn't stand all the classes about politics and social structurs, vital as they were. She was more interested in the fashion and common customs and characteristics, not politics and etiquette.

And then Adena asked her the same. "To tell you the truth, as a novice, I hated almost all classes." There was no harm in telling that, and it was the truth. Farina had always been a lively young woman, and sitting still in a classroom trying to learn was one of her dreads. Most novice classes were just that. "But I got used to them, in a way, when I realized that they were required and there was no way out of them. I did learn a lot of interesting or at least really important things, like Tower history and hierarchy. But as an Accepted, I can concentrate more freely on the things that I really find interesting. Of course there are still classes required for all, but even those are taught more individually, so I can ask questions and get more information on those parts that I think are important or don't fully understand. On most subjects are classes and areas that I don't enjoy, but which are important because that allows me to continue to the areas that I do find interesting. Like with channeling. I hated the first classes because I was a slow learner, but now that I am more advanced I learn more quickly and can do much more complex things. I think the same goes for most subjects; I didn't like learning the basic stuff, but when I progressed, more and more interesting things presented themselves."

"I can't really name one class that is the most interesting of all. Mostly because I think that the most interesting classes are yet to come. Like the Warder bond, Ajah secrets and hierarchy and battle weave classes. You can't study those as an Accepted." She said that with longing in her voice. Light, how she wished for the shawl! "No matter how much you learn, there is always something more that you wish to know. Don't you agree?"

Farina's answer was longer than Adena expected. She said she did not enjoy most classes, and had hated almost all of her novice classes. That surprised Adena a bit, why would Farina ask whether Adena had taken any good classes if she had hated all of hers? Just making conversation, Adena supposed, but why had she not chosen something she was more interested in? Ah well, no point worrying about it now. She said that her classes as Accepted were better, but not much, and what she really looked forward to were the things only Aes Sedai knew. Of course, Aes Sedai had weaves women could not learn until they earned the shawl, just as there were weaves women could not attempt until they had the Great Serpent ring, such as Healing. From her speech, it was very clear that Farina wanted nothing more than to wear the shawl of the Aes Sedai. Adena had always known there were such women, but in her experience most of them were giddy young girls who wanted to be special enough to have that power. Farina, however, seemed to be anything but a giddy little girl. Adena had no idea how old the woman was, her youthful appearance was certainly not helpful in deciding after all. But Farina was a woman who clearly had sense, and yet only wanted to become Aes Sedai. Adena wondered what that must be like, and how many other such women there were. Maybe that was only the Accepted, they were generally older and more experienced in the Tower after all.

It was something to think about later. Now, Farina had asked her a question. Not a question that required a long answer, but one that was worth considering. "There is certainly always something more to learn," Adena agreed. Coming here had been a perfect example of just how much Adena had not known. In Amadicia, she had thought she knew most things about the world, and perhaps from an Amadician standpoint she knew a fair amount, but now she knew that she was far from knowing very much at all. She wondered whether all cultures were as blind to some very major truths as Amadicians were. Or, for that matter, were all Amadicians as blindly arrogant as Adena had been? "You never really know how much there is to learn until you see the whole world from an entirely different perspective," she mused. Adena could see no danger in saying that. It just showed that Adena was willing to talk, but did not give anything away. It was certainly true though. Adena's world had been turned upside down when she came here. Or was it turned right side up? The thought came unbidden, but Adena could not shake it, she certainly knew more now than she had before, and although she was unsure about many things, she was now more aware of her ignorance, and more willing to do something about it.

Had the Tower fixed her skewed perception of reality? If that was the case, then what would happen if she left the Tower? Would she find a new way to see the world that was as real as her old Amadician views and her new Tower views? Or would she always remember what the Tower had done, and retain the influences of this place? Was the world view Adena had gained over the past nine years accurate, or was it as skewed as her childhood, Amadician perspective? How would she ever know the truth? Adena forcibly pushed these thoughts away. There was no use pondering them now. She would just come upon unanswerable question after unanswerable question. Light, she sounded more like a White that she would have thought possible. Right now, she would rather just have a conversation with Farina, who was not so bad, even if she had pushed Adena to consider staying in this place she had hated for so long. But not anymore. It was not her favorite place, but she no longer hated it, that took too much energy, and Adena had finally realized that it did no good.

Adena did agree, and Farina was glad of that. It showed that Adena truly wished to learn, which was a good trait in a novice. No, it was a good trait in a novice to truly wish to learn the things novices were taught. Anyway, Farina hoped that Adena's curiosity would make sure that she did explore the Ajahs. Farina had not gotten a good idea of the novice's personality yet, so she could not tell which Ajah could interest her. She had shown no particular interest in the Green Ajah when Farina had brought it up, so maybe one of the more peaceful ones could fit her. She certainly had some strong opinions and wasn't afraid to reveal them to Farina when she had asked, so maybe a political Ajah would suit her. The Blue or the Gray, perhaps. But Adena had expressly said that she disliked Aes Sedai because they were manipulative, so maybe those two Ajahs would not allure her. Farina pushed the thoughts out of her mind; it was not her place to try and choose an Ajah for the woman. She did not know her well enough to even guess, so there was no point in it.

"You never really know how much there is to learn until you see the whole world from an entirely different perspective," Adena finished. Farina only nodded, even though that sentence certainly enticed her curiosity. There was something behind that statement, but Adena did not elaborate, so Farina didn't ask. Had she wanted to reveal what was behind it, she would have said. Her silence meant that she wished not to.

But Farina agreed all the same. Farina had had a lot of different upheavels in her life, totally new situations that had forced her to revalue her priorities and face her own ignorance and stupid choices. She wondered if becoming Aes Sedai would be another upheavel. Farina had some idea of the things that she would be taught when she was raised, but the Aes Sedai would not reveal all of them until she did have the shawl. All in all, she knew exactly what Adena meant.

"Right now, what is your greatest interest? What is the subject that you wish to study more?" Farina had not seen the title of the book Adena had been reading, and she wondered if she had read the book only to seem busy and not because it was particularly interesting.

Farina did not ask Adena to explain what she meant about needing a whole new perspective to see some ignorances. Adena was very thankful for that. She did not want to tell the woman about her childhood and life since coming here, but neither did she want to lie. A lie was a perfectly good way to ruin a lovely conversation, even if the other person never found out about it. At least, that was what her wetnurse had always told her. Her mother, despite having many strong convictions, had never been adamant about lying, as long as no one was lying to her. Adena supposed that was part of being a noble, the Great Game did not call for outright lying when it could be avoided, but occasionally the truth did have to be bent or somtimes even broken to achieve your own ends. That made Adena wonder, Aes Sedai were supposed to be masters of Daes Dae'mar, yet by the Oath they all took, they could not lie. What an interesting game it would become if no one could lie, manipulation and twisting words would come to a whole new level in that case.

When Farina spoke again, she did not follow the line of conversation and continue to speak about ignorance or new perspectives. Rather, she introduced a new topic, although it was somewhat related to the topic of classes. She asked what Adena was most interested in right now. The question gave Adena a moment's pause. What was she interested in? "Well," she began slowly, "I guess what I'm most interested in is breaking my block, though I'm beginning to doubt that will ever happen." Other than that, she had not developed a major interest in any one subject really. Some interesting classes, and some interesting books read, but nothing really worth mentioning. And breaking her block really was foremost in her mind. Almost nine years, and she still had a block. How many women took nine years to break a block? I'm probably the first, Adena thought sullenly. If she could have only broken it in a reasonable amount of time, like most women, she could have been gone from this place long ago, and truly making her own life by now.

Adena could not very well ask Farina what she was most interested in, she had already told Adena very explicitly that she wanted to become a Green sister, and slay shadowspawn. Or, Adena presumed she wanted to slay shadowspawn, since that was what the Green primarily focused on. Adena had never actually seen any real shadowspawn, growing up in Amadicia, they were unheard of. Of course, in novice classes, they were shown pictures, and some teachers made life-size images with the Power. But a real, moving, attacking Trolloc or Fade- or even something worse- the very thought frightened Adena. And yet there were so many women who were willing to dedicate their lives to just that cause. It was risky and dangerous, yet it was worth it for so many women. Why? Maybe they were the women who had had real-life run-ins with shadowspaawn, but surely that could not have happened to everyone- especially women who were not from the Borderlands. Not that Adena could very well ask Farina why she wanted to be a Green, that would most certainly be intruding. Farina had not asked Adena to tell any more about her new perspectives, so Adena would do the same for Farina.

Adena admitted that her greatest interest was breaking her block. Farina hadn't expected that, but she understood it completely. She could not imagine what it would be like, having a barrier between you and the sweet Power that allowed you to channel only under certain special circumstances. She had not been a Wilder, and she knew only a few women who had come to the Tower with a block, but theirs had not been as difficult as Adena's. Her block had to be difficult if the Aes Sedai hadn't been able to break it in nine years.

But she was surprised that Adena doubted if they ever manage to break it. That might explain some of the disdain the woman had for Aes Sedai; even though Aes Sedai were wise and experts in the area of the One Power, they hadn't been able to help Adena yet. Adena might not believe it, but Farina was sure that everything had been done to help break Adena's block, even though it had not succeeded yet. The White Tower did not allow a channeler's abilities to go to waste, and even with those who were not strong enough to join the ranks of Aes Sedai, they still trained them enough to control the Power without killing themselves. Adena would stay in the Tower until the block was broken and she was taught to channel, may it take another year or decade. But Farina doubted that Adena wanted to hear that, so she decided to take a more positive approach.

"Don't give up hope. I have never heard of a woman whose block remained unbroken. It might take a while, but some day it will break." She said that with the most certain voice she could muster. Sometimes she hoped that she had already sworn the Oath so others could believe her words to be true as well. "What kind of block do you have? You don't have to answer, I know it's a bit personal," Farina added hastily. Farina was curious, but she didn't want to pry. For all she knew, it could be something painfully personal or embarassing.

Farina seemed to understand about wanting a block broken, but she did not return with any stories about her own block, so Adena presumed she had never experienced a block personally. Well, most women had not, most women were brought or came to the Tower before they began to channel, or at the very least before they developed a block. Farina assured Adena that her block would be broken one day, that she had never heard of a block that was not broken, and then asked what sort of block Adena had, quickly adding that she did not have to answer if she did not want to. Well, of course Farina had never heard of a block that stayed unbroken, why would the Towers flaunt their failures? In all her novice classes, Adena had never learned about an outright failure of the Towes. Perhaps Accepted were taught those things though. Accepted, who were Sealed to the Tower, and would not run off into the wide world with that secret information. Of course, Farina could have done just that, and the Aes Sedai did not seem careless enough to let something like that happen. Maybe, then, the sisters learned of the Towers' failures, or perhaps only the Amyrlin and M'hael themselves knew the full story.

Adena was grateful that Farina had given her the opportunity not to share her block, it showed that the other woman was at least sensitive enough to know that a block was a sore spot for nearly every woman who was held back by one. And some blocks could be embarassing or quite personal. Adena did not really have such a problem, except that admitting the nature of her block also revealed that she had a rather quick temper. Not that it mattered, it was probably common knowledge that she was often angry. "I can't channel unless I'm angry, sometimes I have to be very angry before I can channel," she said simply. It was an odd thing that, some days Adena did not have to be much beyond frustrated in order to touch the Source, and other days she had to be utterly irate. Those days were the dangerous ones, those were the days when she was less likely to have control over the Power- although after nine years, even in her hottest rage, she had learned to keep from hurting people. Just because she could not channel by choice did not mean she could not learn anything about the One Power. The Aes Sedai had made her very aware of that distinction early on, and although she was given a bit more leeway because of her block, she was still expected to learn as much as she could.

Light, but Adena truly could not wait to break her block, what a glorious day that would be. Her future would suddenly be open to her, only a bit more training to make sure she could really control saidar, and then she would be free to leave. Most women chose to run away, but Adena knew there were other ways out. If you made it very clear that you refused to become Aes Sedai, they would not force you. They would not force any woman who did not desire to join their ranks any further than she wished. The point of the novice rank was to instill that desire into women, but when it did not work, then at the very least, they had to be taught control over their abilities. Adena had been in that second group for many years now, although after today she was not sure where she would be able to place herself. She did not have to determine her whole future just yet though. First was the block. That Light-forsaken, stubborn block that would not be broken no matter what the Aes Sedai tried. The memories of block breaking sessions made Adena blush, these women had no sense of decency or propriety, they would try anything to shock, scare, embarass, or trick her into channeling, and they were certainly not daunted by failure.

Adena did not look shocked or hurt after hearing the question, so Farina supposed that it had been a safe thing to ask after all. Adena simply answered that she could not channel unless she was angry. Farina supposed that was common enough; in her knowledge, most blocks depended on the person being under a certain emotion, although there were some that depended on the environment or some other external detail. And that wasn't all of it, Farina had heard that blocks could be downright peculiar sometimes. And they were all individual, even if they were somewhat similar. From what Adena said, Farina figured that her block allowed her to channel at a varying level of anger each time. That was quite interesting.

Farina had never been present in a block breaking class, so she wasn't sure what kind of methods the Aes Sedai used. But she supposed that they had seen a lot of blocks relating to anger, so they had to have some traditional ways to try and break a block like that. Apparently traditional methods hadn't worked on Adena. Farina wondered what could be done next. But she surely was no expert, so she didn't waste her time bothering. It was a rather interesting subject though, something that Farina could possibly explore at some point. But she was at a disadvantage to some Aes Sedai; the experts were probably those who had had a block themselves.

"Are you able to attend channeling classes regardless?" she asked. Those who had a block could still channel, and Farina supposed that they would have to be taught at least enough so that they wouldn't hurt themselves or other people. And they would have to learn to channel consciously, not involuntarily. But they would not truly learn how to control the One Power before they could channel at will. At least that was what Farina thought. "How much can you control the Power already?"

((OOC: Dear Light, I'm so sorry this has taken so long, I didn't realize it had been so long!))

Farina seemed interested in the subject of Adena's block, and followed the topic. Well, that seemed natural enough to Adena, why would the other woman not be curious? She had never had a block, and so this was one thing that she would never experience. She asked Adena about how training with a block worked, whether she still attended channeling classes, and how well she could control the Power. Adena nodded as she began her answer. "Yes, they say that even if I can't use the Power while I'm in a class, I can still see the threads, and therefore can learn the theory. Most of my teachers, once they find out I have a block, are willing to give me some leeway, though not as much as I might like. And as long as I'm angry enough to channel, and can maintain the anger, I can learn as well as anyone in the class. I can control the Power quite well really, after nine years, even with a block, I've mastered most of what they teach novices, it's just I can't always prove that mastery. I'm sure that once I break my block, they won't force me to stay much longer."

Adena hoped that last statement did not come off wrong. She had told Farina that she would look into the Ajahs and see what being Aes Sedai could offer, and that was exactly what she planned to do. However, that did not mean that she would still be stuck here, and it did not mean that she had any plans of staying here any longer than she had to. She had not meant to imply that she would be leaving as soon as her block was broken, just that she would be glad when that was finally an option. A very probable option, she thought. Regardless of what she told Farina, and no matter what the Accepted said to her, she still eagerly looked forward to the day when she could finally set foot out of the Tower grounds. Freedom, to be out of the Tower, what an incredible possibility that had filled her head for so long. It had taken on a different appearance lately, and although it was a different goal, now Adena felt like she might actually get there, instead of being broken long before that could happen.

She really did not know where this new attitude had come from, a few people simply made observations and said things that they probably did not think were very important, and yet Adena's whole life was different. Clearly offhand remarks were more important than she had ever before considered. That was a thought to bring down a good mood, Adena realized. How many idle, caustic remarks had she made throughout her life? How many of those same sort of remarks had she made on purpose? If a few simple things could positively change Adena's life, could not remarks also negatively impact a person? Light, how much damage had she done over the years? Had people even cared what she thought, or had they simply brushed it off as the words of an ignorant, self-important, stuck up brat? She pushed those thoughts away. They were not things she could change, she could only change the things she said and did in the future, and the impacts those things would make on others' lives. She turned her attention back to Farina and their conversation.

(OOC: It's alright, mine take a while too. :) )

Adena did not seem unhappy to hear those questions, even though she must have heard them before. Farina was sure that she was not the only curious one, because the girls with a block were a rarity. Farina had never had a girl with a block in any of her novice channeling classes. But when Adena answered that she could see the threads and learn the theory regardless, Farina was not so sure about that anymore. Who knew, there could have been girls with blocks in her classes, she just hadn't been told and hadn't noticed. When Adena went on that as long as she was sufficiently angry, she could learn as well as the others, Farina was even more impressed. That meant that some girls with blocks could learn how to channel along with the 'normal' novices and no one would even notice. Adena did mention about the leeway some teachers gave her, but Farina found it hard to imagine an Aes Sedai who would give such leeway that others would notice. Aes Sedai seldom listened to excuses, even real and tangible ones.

But it couldn't be that easy for all of them, Farina figured. If the block was known and the woman found it easy to achieve those conditions when she could channel, there was no reason why they couldn't attend classes. But if the block was harder, those conditions would be harder to simulate. Like... Farina had heard of blocks that allowed the person to channel only when they were utterly scared for their life. That would be a hard emotion to achieve in a classroom. Farina was sure that there were more of these possible hard blocks, so those girls would probably have to wait until the block was broken before they could learn to channel at all. Now that would be a terrible faith. Living in the White Tower for years, doing chores and attending classes, but not being able to learn how to channel...

Adena's last comment did not sound good to Farina, though. But they had discussed that subject already, and Farina saw no reason why they should do so again. Farina had given Adena her views on the matter, and she hoped that Adena would remember Farina's suggestion of getting to know the Ajahs first. But what if her block was broken tomorrow? Would she leave as soon as the Aes Sedai let her, or would she stay to study the Ajahs regardless? That was not a decision Farina could make for Adena, she would have to decide herself. Farina hoped that she wouldn't just dash off.

"Have you learned your Talents yet?" was Farina's next question. Those were another thing that could help Adena to decide to stay. If she found a suitable purpose and her Talents suited that purpose, she could decide to stay in the Tower and explore her potential. Farina did not say that out loud, though, but waited for Adena's answer.