The room was humming with voices of everyone in it. Someone had gotten the 'clever' idea to have a dinner with all the nobles asking for help this week, collecting them all together and letting them pay for it. Who ever had thought of that had obviously pulled the plot off now Cayana had to attend and help out with it all. Had to was perhaps not the word. Cayana actually didn't mind this, it reminded her of home, and why she had gone here in the first place.

Ending a small conversation with a young woman noble asking about weather help after three years of trouble in the region, leaving the people starving, Cayana headed out to the balcony. This was tiresome. Half the evening had gone and she hadn't gotten so much as a breather before now.
Stepping out on the balcony she glanced at the people already present. A few noble couples flirting with each other. Cayana smiled vaguely. Silly people, they did it so obviously it was almost like she wanted to cough at certain things. Dismissing that thought she walked up to the railing and stepped up on the step right next to it. It wasn't more then a few inches, but it felt like she was standing in a much different place then the nobles. A couple near here sent her an eyeshot then tuned to go inside. A few minuets later music started up inside and the rest of the people outside left to go inside and dance. Ah, great, some time alone, she thought and closed her eyes.

Her last few days had been really busy and partly a shook. She had been appointed to become Mistress of Novices as the old one suddenly had resigned and left for some private matters. Well who wouldn't have expected that from a brown? So she had taken over handling the little children, new and old trouble makers. As she had been sitting in her new study she had gotten to think of her mother and the books she was writing down the punishments and reasons in. So when she had gotten a free moment she had looked up her mother in the books. Learning that her mother had been sent out of the tower 7 months prior to her own birth wasn't the worst part, the reason was what had shocked her. Her mother had gotten pregnant with a man of the tower, he hadn't stepped forward so she had just been sent away. The man she had though was her father wasn't. Light, I understand why she never wanted to tell me... and why she was so keen on marrying me off instead of letting me take the seat of the house... This actually meant she had no right to that seat.

Taking a deep breath Cayana opened her eyes and looked up at the stars. In the city the stars never were as many or as bright as outside it. Cayana partly missed to see them in all their glory, but it was just one thing she would have to enjoy if she was able to leave the tower some day. Most likely not in a few years at the least since her new assignment, but anyway. Perhaps she could take some of the Accepted on a short field trip, just for a bit of fun on her own part and education on theirs.

Railt sipped his glass of wine, trying to conceal the most obvious fact that he had no desire what-so-ever to be at the dinner. It was his duty, really… One of his least liked ones too. The M’Hael and Amyrlin had more important matter to attend to than that of a formal dinner with all the local nobles. No, this was the kind of thing the Seeker existed for, to take some of the burden off of the M’Hael. It would have been a great insult to the Nobles that attended the “party” if someone of high rank had not attended. That task had fallen to Rialt, and he grudgingly accepted, with swift promises of wine and Oosquai. So he had donned the usual Black uniform, his Dragon and Sword pins having been shined till they shone. He had strapped up his knee high boots, and surveyed his look in the broad mirror that adorned the walls of his rather spacious quarters and sighed. He certainly looked the part. He should have tied his hair back, but decided to leave it down, for whatever reason. It hung in front of his face, and concealed some of his features, maybe that was why.

He arrived early and greeted everyone as they came in with a fake smile and a good evening. During the dinner, he kept mostly silent, not having much to comment on, as it all mainly focused on matters of trade and business. Only a few times was he called upon to speak at all, and after he had supplied a curt and simple response, most people got the idea that he wasn’t much in the speaking mood. The table had been cleared and everyone had scattered over the room, leaving Rialt to his own devices. He couldn’t leave until everyone else had, so he had found comfort in his glass of wine. He watched as various couples danced on the floor, some doing quite well, and others fooling around and having a grand time in the process. He turned away from it, noticing that one of the balconies was clearing out, leaving only the frame of a small woman. Thank the Light…

Rialt walked onto the marble terrace and moved so as not to intrude on the woman’s space. She looked like she wanted to be alone. When he took a seat, his back to the railing, and his feet stretched out in front of him, and he turned his head to glance at the woman. He turned away, but his head snapped back around as the face registered in his memory. Avelia!?!?!?!?! Light, what is she doing here!? He felt his heart rate increased and stared at her, not knowing what to do. She could ruin him, completely and utterly. Why would she choose now to come back!? He quickly stood up and made his way to the opened double doors that led onto the balcony where they both stood, and shut the doors. No one would interrupt them now. She had turned to see what all the fuss was about and he instantly opened his mouth, “What in the name of the Creator and all that is good are you doing here!?” It came out as a half yell, his outrage apparent, his face in a deep frown. She was a foolish woman to do this to him now!

What education would an Accepted need though that they couldn't get just as well in side the tower. What had been a silly idea in her head was now something she thought seriously about. Perhaps to see how they react to certain things... shadow spawn... or an attack...

Standing there feeling the calm around her she heard steps. Someone came out on the balcony and sat down. She didn't even look. There was no reason. Putting her hands down on the railing she looked down, being this high up always made her stomach hiss in the most thrilling way. Suddenly she heard the doors close behind her and she turned around. At the doors stood the Mahdi al'Tain, second of the Black Tower. She hadn't even had time to open her mouth before he yelled at her “What in the name of the Creator and all that is good are you doing here!?” Cayana just looked at him in surprise at first. What in the light did he mean by that. Letting him answer that question without actually saying it she just said. "This audience isn't just for the Mahdi al'Tain. If it was just meant for your presence you would most likely be quite bored." The truth though also a small joke. She hoped he would settle down instead of continuing to yell at her. He had no reason to do such a thing.

She eyed him. He was dressed as any Asha'man in his uniform. She herself wasn't wearing more then her ring this evening. Even though it was quite formal, doning the shawl had felt a little redundant. Her dress was a highnecked thing. The fabric a nice soft and thin silk that clung to her body in the most flattering way. Her hair she had put up so that it wouldn't be in the way. It was quite long so it could get in the way at times.

(OOC: a bit short... sorry :( )

As her face grew into a surprised frown, he made a mental note to not yell like that ever again. It was childish to yell, even in a situation like this. She fired back at him, "This audience isn't just for the Mahdi al'Tain. If it was just meant for your presence you would most likely be quite bored." He felt like going over to her, grabbing her by the back of the neck and flinging her out of Tar Valon that very second. In fact, he could open a gateway and send her on her way. She had no reason and no right to be back here! It was absolutely absurd that she speak to him in such a manner, after all this time, and that she thought it was ok to come back, just because it had been years since she had been in the tower.

“I think no such thing, Avelia, my head has not grown so big over the years that I require stately dinners to support its ego. I ask you again, why have you come here?” He spoke softer now, he didn’t want to drive her away to roam the Towers, she could get him into a lot of trouble, just by dragging up old memories. Rialt made sure that he clarified the words, enunciating the important ones. Not that she was stupid and needed it, but because he wanted her to understand how absolutely serious he was at that moment. He had ceased be Rialt, he was the Seeker now, and the Seeker expected a certain amount of respect and obedience from those around him, no matter if they were members of the Tower as well.

He searched her face; it looked to not have aged at all. Well, Perhaps she has been using the power more than I thought; perhaps she did join the Kin after she left here. Though there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind telling him that he was entirely wrong and had severely miscalculated. But he shook it off, and hoped that he could deal with this issue, and put it behind him, just as he had the other, 36 years ago.

His response made a bell ring in Cayanas head. “I think no such thing, Avelia, my head has not grown so big over the years that I require stately dinners to support its ego. I ask you again, why have you come here?” He said. But one thing echoed in her head. Avelia. This man knew her mother and most likely why and how she had been sent away. He was mistaking her for her mother. That wasn't a first one really, but it started to get a bit of a drag to be aware of it.

Thinking fast she tried to come up with an answer that would answer that question without actually telling him anything. Perhaps she could find out how much this man knew and if he knew her father. "My presents in the tower has nothing to do with you. Why I am here tonight is because I was asked to be here." That I choose to come because I feel it is my duty is a different matter. He probably was here because he had to.

She leaned back against the railing, hands folded in her lap. She really feeling more like laughing at all this rather then anything. But she kept her serenity cleanly just like any Aes Sedai would have. So my mother knew the Mahdi al'Tain, and as it seems personally. I have no real idea about his age, but most likely he is old enough to be my grandfather. Perhaps my father was a friend of his, or a Shen brother. Cayana didn't know, her thoughts were running wildly. Since the shock, of finding out that the man she had though was her father wasn't at all, hadn't really settled down yet, finding out who it was would probably give her even more to think of. Although it can't be worse then just the revelation of this little thing my mother kept from me anyway.

His own eyes searched hers in askance, trying to figure things out without saying too much to her. If he said too much, she might cling to that, he wouldn’t put anything past Avelia. She had been a smart one, perhaps that was the reason… No no, just get rid of her Rialt, she has no reason or right to be here at all. This is your home, you rule here, not she, make sure she leaves understanding that. For that was one thing that he was adamant about, she would leave, and she would go understanding that she was never to return again. He wanted nothing else to do with her in this world, and she needed to realize that.

“My presence in the tower has nothing to do with you. Why I am here tonight is because I was asked to be here." She retorted at him. Who would have asked her to return? I can see that she is a noble of some sort, that could be the reason…. Maybe she knew that I was going to be here and it was all set up.. maybe she meant for me to meet her, so she could spring something on me at the last second. His safeguards were thrown up, he double checked every single thought that raced through his mind, even the smallest movement of her hand could give away her real reason for being here tonight. If he could only figure it out!! He sighed, she was avoiding the question, and he had no time for games. “You were put out of the Tower for what you did,” Well, partially for what she had done, the other part… “You are opening old wounds. I want nothing to do with it now, and I wanted nothing with it then, so if that is the reason you have returned, you are sadly mistaken that my feelings have changed on the subject.” He was of course, talking about the child she had been big with when the Mistress of Novices had sent her away, on his suggestion and warning. Being Rei had had its perks. The Tower had strict rules about that kind of thing amongst their lower ranks, and she had broken that.

Rialt knew that what he said was a harsh, more so since he knew exactly who the father of her child was, and he knew very well that who he was now, would not stand for that kind of scandal. It was embarrassing, it reflected badly on the Black Tower and who the man had used to be. The man wasn’t like that anymore, and she had to understand that. She had to know that her old….the word might have been lovers, but the two had hardly been lovers, had moved on, and she should as well. What is in the past is in the Past. “It is your right to be here, as a citizen of the world, but after your business is done, I ask that you leave and never return.” She HAD to understand that that was for the best.

Listening to the Mahdi al'Tain, watching his every move and the way he was eyeing her. Light if he wasn't the Mahdi al'Tain this might suggest he was actually the one that.. She didn't even finish that thought. “You were put out of the Tower for what you did,” Cayana looked away at this. What her mother had done? It takes two to tango old man, she thought to herself before hearing the next part. “You are opening old wounds. I want nothing to do with it now, and I wanted nothing with it then, so if that is the reason you have returned, you are sadly mistaken that my feelings have changed on the subject.” Her eyes widened slightly. She forced herself to not look at him afraid that he might have noticed her shock. An Aes Sedai didn't show chock even among her own sisters, and certainly not to someone outside of that sisterhood. How can... You are a fool mother, a big fool.

He then continued. Telling her that as a citizen she was allowed to be here but had to leave never to come back after this was all over. Cayana shook her head openly now. "You really never found out what happened did you?" She looked at him. Rialt Erydinan, the Mahdi al'Tain and after that speech of wounds and wanting nothing to do with her mother he had led her to believe that he was her father. He might not be though, a bad choice of words perhaps, so she kept her words clean of suspicion.

Before she was able to continue though there was a small tap on the door, a nervous tap. Cayana shot the young novice a glance, obviously she had been sent to Cayana in the midst of this entire thing even though she wasn't here as the Mistress of Novices. Instead of letting the girl report in the morning. This wasn't the first time that had happened. Cayanas only reason for not stopping it was because she never found out who sent the bloody novices. "Excuse me, Mahdi al'Tain, but I have something to attend to." She stepped off of the step and walked towards the door. The novice obviously took it as a sign and opened the balcony door. "I was..." Cayana lifted a hand signaling to the novice to be quiet. She obeyed and took a step back so that Cayana could step inside.

As she was about to walk past the Mahdi al'Tain she looked up at him. Standing this close she eyed his face. "If you want to find out what happened to her, you can find me in the mistress of novices study tomorrow morning. I bid you good night, Mahdi al'Tain." She inclined her head the way an Aes Sedai would do to the Mahdi al'Tain or Keeper, not the curtsy a noble would give any Aes Sedai or Asha'man of the towers, then she walked inside motioning the novice to follow her. She could just as well deal with this stupid novice now. She wouldn't do any more good here tonight. There was far to much going on in her head.

((OOC: if he would stop her just tell me via PM or IM and I'll change this post so that it suits better.))

Rialt felt a low deep sickening feeling in his stomach. It was almost that of a lurch, a knot that you get in nervousness. Light, why did he feel so nervous? He had nothing to fear from this woman at all, she was in the past. Then why did she come here!? He screamed inside his mind, wondering what he was going to do if she decided to make a scene. He couldn’t take it anymore, he should simply leave, walk away and she would never be able to find him again. She could make up all the false claims and try to find him all she wanted to, but if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be. After he had gone silent, he listened to her. She sounded much more reasonable and intelligent than he remembered her as.

"You really never found out what happened did you?" What was she talking about? Nothing happened, she left, that was it, that was all that he concerned himself with. Avelia is not my problem; Avelia’s illegitimate child is not my problem. THIS is not my problem!! But even in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but feel a twange of curiosity. What had happened to her after she had left? He looked at her, trying to puzzle out if this was a part of her plan… It didn’t seem like it was. “What are you talking about, what happened? You left, that is all that happened in my eyes – “ But he was cut off, as the doors to the dinning room opened to admit a small and meek looking Novice. His annoyance shot up at her and he had been about to say something when she raised her hand at the Novice who instantly fell silent. His head snapped back at her, and the light snapped on in his head.

That isn’t Avelia…! Right at that moment, he felt a sickening jolt in his stomach, light he hadn’t felt this weak since…the battlefield actually. His head spun with the jarring information, and he almost felt like weeping and laughing out loud at his unsurpassed stupidity. She walked up to him then, and he knew, that he had been lowered, so to speak. And she spoke, all calm Aes Sedai serenity, because that was what she was, he realized. That was his revelation. This was the newly appointed Mistress of Novices, and he had not yet had an opportunity to meet the woman… It was an honest mistake. But mistakes are not appointed to those like you… "If you want to find out what happened to her, you can find me in the mistress of novices study tomorrow morning. I bid you good night, Mahdi al'Tain." It was completely out in the open now, she wasn’t fooling with him any longer. He berated himself for not seeing through what she had been doing. She had dilliberatly taken advantage of the fact that she looked like Avelia, she had done it on purpose!! To goad him into speaking!

Rialt felt a stir in the back of his mind, Kiren was worried about him. She could sense that he was in distress. He was in more than just stress!! He was in panic, complete and utter panic, moving back and forth between rage, annoyance, sickness and disgust. He felt her on the move, no doubt coming to see what it was that was bothering him. He spun on his heels and she moved to take care of the Novice, no doubt sent to her for immediate punishment. He only wondered what she had done in passing; it must have been quite severe otherwise she would not have been sent to disrupt the dinner. He was not one to let her leave so suddenly, he wasn’t done talking to her. She was going to explain herself at this moment!! But he could not bring himself to open his mouth to have the words come forth. And she walked out of the balcony , the novice hopping after her. He was left, standing there, his head reeling, and the promise of answers in the morning.

“and then there is my land. I have quite a large area to call my own, there are some farmers on my land, living a good life under my lordship; and I’ve my fields, and...” light, when is this guy stopping? Kiren asked herself as she looked calmly at the young noble trying to get her interest to him. Many men used to try to get things of her –mostly merely her body- because of their strange, exotic colour; and this young fool in front of her was no different; most likely he wouldn’t even know that she had nearly twice his years in age.
“I am sure I could manage to find you a place amongst my staff.... should you want to leave those of the tower to do their serving themselves. I for one would at least treat you the way you should be treated” he said it with a self knowing smile that no doubt could win the heart of any young maiden with the age of how she looked; But Kiren just arched an eyebrow. The lad was even more of an idiot than he had sounded first. Anyone with the intelligence of a ten year old would recognise a gaidin when he saw one, even one without obvious weapons.
fool
she thought as she mentally shook her head. Somewhere in there she felt Rialt, how he was starting to be fed up with this. Well fed up with this even more to be correct; her Asha’Man had not been exactly eager to go to this party. Nor had she for that matter. She saw him leave for the balcony as soon as the music started and that little area cleared up.

The young noble called Philemon reached out his hand for a dance, but with a polite smile and a risen hand she let him know that she wouldn’t prefer to dance and she left to get herself a drink from one of the actual servants. now I’m drinking as well; I should be keeping a better eye on him; he is getting a bit tipsy; he should be clear in his head until at least the majority of this group has left. As surprise and a sudden hint of unrest shot trough the bond; Kirens head jerked up and she looked at where he was; ready to do anything should it be needed, but she had learned not to fly in immediately for he could handle quite some things himself; and most of the times it only was too bothersome for her anyways. She saw him closing the doors to the balcony and then very softly heard something from behind them, she was too far away from the door to actually hear what, even with her heightened senses, but she assumed that Rialt had shouted, it would suit the hint of panic and anger she felt trough his bundle of emotions.

For a while Kiren just stood where she was, outwardly calm and relaxed looking at the dancing people; but inwardly she focussed on the bond, and what would be happening. Seldom Rialt was this emotional within himself and the Dark One could take her if it had nothing to do with the Mistress of Novices standing there out on the balcony along with him. The Seekers emotions kept as they were and Kiren became curious and concerned so she made her way over to the door. Before her however she saw a novice with eyes as large as eggs. The girl looked around and seemed to be searching someone “Ehm... excuse me, m’lady” the girl said to a noble not too far away “would you happen to know where Cayana sedai is?” she asked with a meek voice. The girl had a smell of pure fear over her and Kiren briefly had sympathy with the girl who could be no older then sixteen. Someone mentioned towards the door and after a little bit of doubt, Kiren decided not to stop the girl but followed her instead


Only moments after the girl had knocked on the door, the Mistress of Novices walked out in pure Aes Sedai calm, but under that calm were a lot of scents Kiren noticed as the woman walked passed her and was given a small nod. It was a collection of scents that marked with most people that they were confused.
Rialt as well was confused; confused and panicked slightly; and Kiren had quite some effort to suppress her curiosity. Her Asha’man did not follow the Aes Sedai out into the party, and thus Kiren walked onto the balcony herself; catching in the corner of her eye the idiotic noble seeing her leave there. ugh... please don’t follow me or get any ideas; I’m not in the mood tonight. she thought as she went to stand next to her bondmate who had turned and now stood leaning on the stonework and looked out at the gardens.
“Seldom have I felt these emotions with you” she just stated. Even though she’d been bonded nearly twenty years; nearly half her life to this man; he often still was a mystery to her; and most of the time she just didn’t know how to talk to him.
Her words should do though. Should he wish to talk he would, should he wish not to talk; well she’d know soon enough.

The doors to the dinning room were swung open as the Aes Sedai left, and Rialt stared after her. She strode away, all calm and dignity, perhaps thinking that she had succeeding in whatever goal she had been out to receive. He scowled after her, and noticed Kiren looking inquisitively at him. His features immediately softened upon seeing her, she often had that effect. No one but she could cause such a wonderful sense of calm within him, not matter how upset or raging he had been. She didn’t say anything at first, probably trying to puzzle out the situation. He often thought that it was a bit of an inconvenience that she knew exactly what he was feeling all the time, but then again, what would the bond have been without that?

“Seldom have I felt these emotions with you.” She spoke softly to him as he faced her. Saying nothing, he approached the doors, and had been about to close them again, to talk with her, when a young noble approached and looked as if he wanted to join them outside. Rialt had such a look of fury on his face, he noticed the man actually flinched when his gaze fell upon him. But he was a stubborn man and seemed to be set in making it outside. “Madame Kiren?” Rialt turned his head around to stare at his Gaidin, and he arched an eyebrow at her. My my, his gaze at her said, you certainly do go for the young ones. She scowled back at him and he held in a laugh. “I’m sorry, were you looking to speak with my Warder?” He was utter calm, but the noble’s eyes bulged outward. Obviously he wasn’t aware of that little fact, and he stammered out an apology, “I..I didn’t, I…excuse me!” He made a hasty bow and retreated to the far side of the dinning room at almost a run. Rialt closed the doors, and turned to face his long time friend and companion.

“I do hope that you weren’t actually showing genuine interest in the young man, he seems entirely too young for you.” He smiled smugly, knowing that that probably had not been the case. He might have actually solved a minor problem for her. But his thoughts turned back to the events of that night, and his stomach made a sinking sensation. Concern and worry seeped in through the bond. He even half wondered if he should tell her about what had happened. She knew nothing about his exploits so long ago; he had never had a reason to tell her. It was all in the past. But he realized as soon as the thought had entered his mind that she needed to know. There was no debating it, he would have been deceiving her and everything that their bond stood for if he lied to her about why he was so distressed.

“I have not told you something Kiren, in our long years together.” She looked the epitome of confusion, or perhaps she was angry? “I just came face to face with a past that I care to forget… The only reason I had never mentioned it before was because it had happened…twenty years before we bonded.” He was rambling now; she knew he was dodging around what he needed to tell her. He fell silent, trying to figure out how he was going to tell her this, and if she would be completely furious with him.

The young foolish nobleman showed up; obviously dreading the Seeker; but his actions and his obvious smell old Kiren that he wasn’t about to give up on his ‘prey’ for that evening. That is, until Rialt dryly asked whether Philemon was looking to speak with his warder.
Kiren would have laughed out loud had she not learned long ago to control her emotions, but still the amused feeling she felt reflected in her bondmates bond.
“I do hope that you weren’t actually showing genuine interest in the young man, he seems entirely too young for you.” Rialt said teasingly, and Kiren had been on the verge of letting a comment to that remark slip her tongue. One about being seen always with an entirely too old guy; but she decided not to; after all something still was bothering him; and the mere fact that he suddenly seemed to feel rather sick, only made her more concerned.
what has that woman done to him? How; in merely a few moments has she done this?

for a moment Rialt was the embodiment of doubt, emitting it in every possible way; it was so clear for that minor moment that even one without her senses, or without her bond would know it. Light, even a child could see it! she thought as wonder kept rising within her. He had started to make her very curious, even though she knew that most likely she shouldn’t be curious at all about something that clearly meant so much to him. then again; maybe I should.... don’t I let him handle too much... isn’t his position to heavy for him to carry? her inner dialogue was cut of as her bondmates doubt had been replaced by solid determination that showed outwardly trough the hardening of his face. She had learned to read his face sometimes perfectly; and other times was at a loss at it. She wondered what would come next.

Confusion.

Because of his next words.
“I have not told you something Kiren, in our long years together. I just came face to face with a past that I care to forget… The only reason I had never mentioned it before was because it had happened…twenty years before we bonded.”
I was still an infant then the loose thought floated amongst the confusion. This obviously was something special to him; and he hadn’t told her about it.... She did not really know what she had to think and felt surprise to feel a hint of jealousy amongst the mix of feelings running trough her.
Rialt fell silent and she knew that he had merely been trying to get a way around telling her. Off course he could feel her emotions and he felt unsure and still confused and bad himself. calm him; don’t pressure him too much... stupid Aes Sedai doing all that to him she grunted inwardly, but then she calmed herself and let her newly raised calm and understanding flow freely trough the bond, hoping to ease him a bit.
As she put a hand on his arm she spoke again softly “So? What has Cayana sedai to do with that?”

So the moment has come at last… After so long, here he was, about to tell her everything. Everything he had kept locked up inside his mind, never to let it out. She was going to hate him for it, she was going to ask for a transfer of the bond… Light, would she? His face was etched in concern and worry now. There were few that he was so close to, but nothing compared to what he felt with her. She had been his friend and companion through everything that had happened to him in the past two decades, and now he felt like he would be completely jeopardizing that because of one stupid and idiotic thing that had happened so long ago. When she was only a baby in fact! This is ridiculous Rialt, just tell her. You have been through wars, death, and everything else with her, she will not turn her back on you now for this. He was calming himself, but there was still that small bit of doubt that tinged behind his every word.

He slowly began to explain the events that had brought him to this place, he started with the moment he sat down on the balcony floor. “I just didn’t want to deal with everything…you know how I hate these kinds of things.” She nodded at him, she probably had felt his annoyance at the banquet. He squinted his eyes. “I’m going to go back in time, so that you understand why it is that I feel this way.” He felt such a fool, but he never explained anything like this. He never sat down and talked about his emotions, it just wasn’t proper. And besides that, Rialt wasn’t that kind of person. He was an introvert, he bore everything on the inside and preferred to be kept out of the Limelight, and that is exactly where he found himself now. “Forty years ago…I am not sure of the exact date in years… I came to know a woman here at the Tower.” At that, Kiren frowned, probably thinking that he was speaking of his wife. “It was not who you think it was.” He felt the reassuring calm and acceptance through the bond and continued. “She was an Accepted at the time, and I came to know her.” He did not have to add anything on to the end, that much was apparent. Kiren was a smart woman; she would know exactly what he meant.

“I found out later…” and here it is… “That she was with child.” There was a pang of shock, and he reeled. She had not been expecting that. “I was Rei at the time Kiren, I could not make it known that I had been with an Accepted!” He closed his eyes, and his demeanor took on that of anger. He couldn’t do anything! “I could have dealt with it easily, but she wouldn’t have it.” He meant that he knew quite a few weaves that would have fixed the problem very easily. “She said no, and she wouldn’t let me near her. Not that I would have done anything without her consent. I had no option but to inform the Mistress of Novices…” He meant, he had to protect himself, not just himself though, the Black Tower. It would have been very damaging on them for knowledge of that kind of thing to get out. They were still widely distrusted throughout the world. “So she was sent away, and I told her never to come back.” He fell silent, this must have been so confusing to Kiren, it made no sense why he would be upset now, at this moment unless something had provoked it. So he told her of what had happened, how he had mistaken Cayana as that same Accepted, and how she had played along to get something out of him. They stood for a moment, Rialt crossing his arms and watching Kiren.

“She is the embodiment… So she must be a relative or something…I am to meet her tomorrow morning in her office, and then I will find out what she is really aiming for.” He was speaking his thoughts outloud now and felt so much worry he thought she must be drowning in it from the bond. “I was stupid Kiren, I cannot tell you how much I wish I would have told you sooner.” He felt a right idiot, he had NEVER let his emotions take ahold of him like that. He had just unloaded quite a burden on his Warder, who might have been completely disgusted with him. There was a lot going on in her mind as well, and he couldn’t figure out what she thought. It was driving him insane!

Rialt felt like hitting his head against the side wall, but he had to simply wait until she spoke, to lessen the nervousness that mastered him now.

Kiren stood near Rialt, near her bondmate. A part of her felt worry over the meeting with the Mistress of Novices tomorrow, and over his current strong emotions. Another part was angry with him for even thinking about killing the unborn child in the womb of his former lover; then there was the confused feeling about not knowing how to feel because he’d hidden these things from her for all those years, pity for his pain, respect for him choosing his Brethren above a woman, doubt about his choice, disgust, understanding, hunger, yes hunger.... ehm...I think... wait.

Still deep in thought and her face now near expressionless with her golden eyes gleaming in the pale moonlight, her left hand reached for a pouch at her belt. Soon she nibbled on a roasted greanish nut that had been brought from the coasts of Shara –or at least that was what was said- and held some more in her hand.
A salty strange taste spread in her mouth and as she used to do with the flame; she just put all the feelings that clouded her mind into it. Until only reason and the taste of the treat rested clear.

He has it hard enough Kiren she started thinking to herself Just be here for him now and figure out later what you think of it yourself, and how you feel about it; just make sure you have an opinion in the morning. She let her own reasoning convince her and put aside the feelings that she already had put in the nut; allowing herself to be released of the coolness of the feeling of Ko’Di


“Wishing doesn’t change things Rialt” she said softly after a while, a late reply to his near moanings. who is she? I’ll have to go check a lot of things tonight
“Just calm down, there is little logic in you now” at least she’s no blue “So either relax or let me get us a few pitchers of wine and oosquai, but you at least ought to chose what you wish to do now. he said she’s the embodiment of the accepted.... but she can’t be.... “You’ll find out her reasons tomorrow most likely” But she looks nothing like him at all “would you wish me there with you?” she asked calmly to him and then held a nut for her lips but unconsciously whispered out her thoughts before she ate it “she is my age though....”

He waited with held breathe, it was as if the world would simply cease to be until she spoke. He knew of course, what she was feeling as she was feeling it, but that wasn’t good enough. He had felt complete annoyance with the methods of the White Tower for their lack of strictness, but yet he also pledged himself to protect it even while not supporting it fully. Emotions were deceiving, and with Kiren, Logic usually won out over anything else. She did not act on emotion alone, that was one of the reasons he had approached her in the first place to become his Warder. He remembered when they had announced the bonding to the M’Hael and the Amyrlin twenty years before. They had been surprised to say the least. It was not a common practice for an Asha’man to bond a Gaidin, but an Aes Sedai. It seemed logical, to most of the men in the Tower, that an Aes Sedai was more preferable to a Gaidin because she could work with her counterpart using Saidar, whereas a Gaidin could do nothing of the sort. Why would a skilled swordsman and Male channeler want to bond a female Gaidin? There had been rumors that the two were more than just friends, but Rialt had crushed that just as fast as it had reached his ears. That was absurd.

But Warders were not used solely for their fighting expertise. Yes they provided for the defense of their bond mates, but they also gave so much more as well. The bond worked both ways, even if the Asha’man and Aes Sedai were reluctant to speak of what it was that it did for them. For Rialt, he needed the companionship. He could not be alone, and to have Kiren, the most understanding and wonderful friend he had ever had, always there, unwaveringly, was a relief he could not properly express to her. But she knew, as he was well aware. Kiren served as his buffer and support, she calmed him when he was angry, was there for him as a friend, and was there when he might have died. Many a time she had been his saving Grace on the battlefield. She was one, he thought, to always think things through, and not make any judgments until she had sorted out her position on a subject. He did not expect her to make up her mind on what he had just told her but he knew the wheels were spinning. He felt the succession of things that must have been running through her head. A few of them sticking out more than the others, disgust being one of them. Light, she’s going to…no no, just let her make up her mind.

He was a jumble with his own, the bond it seemed, packed full of both of their confused states of being. Mostly confused, though his main focus, one that he could not get rid of, was a panging worry. It flooded him and seeped its way into every thought he had. “Wishing doesn’t change things Rialt.” She finally said to him, and he visibly and loudly exhaled. “Just calm down, there is little logic in you now.” Ah, always the strong voice of reason… She went on, “You’ll find out her reasons tomorrow most likely.” Tomorrow…it won’t come soon enough. “would you wish me there with you?” So she didn’t completely want nothing to do with him anymore. That was the best news he had felt in so long.

He thought on her proposal. If she came with him, Cayana would know that he was worried or that he wanted the comfort of his Warder by his side. He could not show the weakness of it. Having his Warder with him would have shown her that she had deeply upset him. He wanted her to go, his mind was practically screaming at him to do it, but logic won out. She would know why. “No, no I fear I am going to have to do this on my own.” And if I need you, you can run in and save the day.. his eyes spoke to her. He felt such a fool, like a child who constantly needed his mother. He was not the Mahdi al’Tain at all, he was nothing more than a confused, frightened and sad excuse of a man in that moment. Only she would he allow to see him this way, not even the M’Hael would ever see him like this. As soon as the thoughts passed over his mind though, he forced a mask of coldness onto his expression and grabbed onto the void. He had been raging, and just as suddenly as he had felt that first stab of shock; it was all suppressed to the back of his mind. Only the void could achieve that for him, that and Saidin…but he did not trust himself with the Power, so he left it at the edge of his mind, out of focus but always there.

The door to the balcony opened again, and Rialt looked over, uncaringly. A servant informed them that the parting ceremony was going to take place shortly, of which he had to be in attendance. So much time has gone by! He nodded at the man and motioned for him to shut the door with assurances that he would be there shortly and turned back to face Kiren.

“No, no I fear I am going to have to do this on my own.” His words said something different then his eyes, and she knew well enough that she would be very close by the next morning. and what about this night? she asked herself as she popped in another greenish nut he might need some company this night, to keep him from doing rash or stupid things at least. openly she looked self assured at him; a look that was supposed to calm him; but inside she still was a turboil if they don’t cut of this goatlicking party very soon now, I’ll be dragging him off to his bed myself
As if someone had heard her annoyance, someone knocked on the doors and a servant came to inform them about the end of the party.

The Seeker nodded to the young servant and then turned his gaze to Kiren. She felt the pressure upon her and once more wasn’t all too sure what to do; it pained her to see, and especially feel her bondmate this way, but it pained her even more that she wasn’t sure what to do; that she had no logical explanation about what should happen now. His gaze held in her golden gleaming eyes she nodded at him “let’s just see this true and then leave for either a soothing, clearing bath or some more drinks.” Even between those two choices she wasn’t sure.
Off course staying sober would be the best option, but if she got him drunk, it meant he could sleep well that evening. and get up with a hangover, forcing himself to get healed and go to that woman with the remnants of it. But then again, if he stays sober he’ll have no sleep; and that won’t do him much good either. Hmmm if he were a gaidin I could give him a good blow on his head... having him sleep without causing a hangover...

Rialt nodded back to her and the two of them walked back in, feeling the warmth and music overwhelm them; or at least that was how it felt to Kiren. After all those years that she had started developing her kinship to the wolves, the differences in places still could hit her gravely.
The fresh, clear and somewhat chilly night air had been nearly a salvation when she left the room, but she hadn’t noticed it that much because of her concern about Rialt. Now however, as she entered the brightly lit room, all her senses seemed to be flooded. The music was loud, the air reeked of all the people in the room; of the scents they wore and those their body shed, the stench of old sweat and too much alcohol hung thick in the air and even seemed to stick at her body, feeling clammy and damp. It all made her wish to be outside again, and as soon as she could if possible.

This time Kiren stayed near his side, using a stern look to send away petty nobles that came to do whatever bothersome things they wished to do or talk about with Rialt, out of all things their squabblings were not his concern, not ever, and certainly not now when he already felt so confused and bad.
After a bit of time the parting ceremony had started, all the while Rialt had not said a word to anyone unless Kiren thought that person was allowed to come speak to her Asha’man, or the few people Rialt had said a few words to himself.
The ceremony lasted too long for Kirens mood; and her bond told her that it was the case with Rialt as well; most likely even more with him since he had to do all those annoying formalities of which Gaidin luckily kept spared.

The whole process of the parting ceremony was absolutely ridiculous as far as Rialt was concerned. Even after all that had happened thus far this night, his temperament was beginning to be dominated by annoyance. The whole ridiculous affair of formality and such with nobles irritated him to no end, in fact he was so flustered by it all that he found himself shifting back and forth, distributing his weight from leg to leg. Kiren looked over at him and lifted an eyebrow, she knew how annoyed he was, but she probably hadn’t expected him to be so antsy. He shrugged his shoulders, and after he spoke what he needed to, he passed the parting ceremony back to the Aes Sedai in charge and moved back to where he had been standing a moment before.

This is ridiculous, I am the Seeker, I do not have to do anything that I don’t want to. And with that last thought, he walked across the floor of the great hall and out the massive double doors, past the two Tower Guards who promptly straightened and gave him a respectful nod. He had certainly turned some heads when he left the “party” so early, he was expected to stay the whole time, but he didn’t really care this night. Kiren followed him without question. Light was he lucky to have a Gaidin like her, not anyone he knew had someone so absolutely understanding and intelligent as she. Many others were always at each others throats or bickering, and Rialt almost never argued with Kiren. There were a few times, but that was to be expected.

He marched out of the Tower, completely ignoring any Asha’man or Aes Sedai who recognized him and gave him a respectful bow. They weren’t important, none of them were. He did not walk so fast that Kiren could not casually walk by his side, but he looked murder. He was annoyed, confused, irritable, and worried. A bad combination with anyone, but in him…with him he tended to exude an air of anger, especially to anyone who fell under his gaze. To anyone walking by who knew him, they would see an angry and determined Mahdi flanked by his Warder. A warning to any who saw them.

He finally came to rest by a bench, and out of nowhere it seemed, he slammed his hand down on the building the bench rested in front of. “It is driving me insane Kiren! I can think of nothing but! I am not like this, it makes me feel like a…a Soldier!” He began to look about him, scowling and ready to bite off anyone’s head who dared interfered now. He softened his gaze when it fell back on her, she wasn’t alarmed by any of what he did, it felt like she had expected him to leave the gathering sooner than he was supposed to. She seemed surprised that he had gotten so angry that he had slammed his hand into a stone building. The impact had actually made him sprain it, he could tell by the sharp pang every time he moved his wrist or hand, but he ignored it, and it became an annoying nuisance in the back of his mind.

And then he left. With his eyes fixed on the door that was behind a couple of nobles, Kiren saw her Asha’man walk away and followed dutiful.
In the crowd quite a number of surprised gazes arose and even some other looks could be seen on the faces of the nobles around. Kiren let her golden eyes pierce into the eyes of another young, foolish noble –weren’t they all foolish then; whether young or old?- and her angered stared actually made him step back and drop into a scared bow for the Mahdi.

They made their way trough the Halls of the Black, occasionally walking past an Aes Sedai, Asha’man or something lower. All were ignored completely.
And what now? What do I say? What will he do? Ooh Mothers milk in a cup.
As they got out, Rialt seemed to focus all his anger into his fist hitting the wall; straining it. Inwardly Kiren sighed as her bondmate spoke up, expressing some of his feelings in words.
“It is driving me insane Kiren! I can think of nothing but! I am not like this, it makes me feel like a…a Soldier!”

for a few seconds Kiren did not speak, for she gathered her thoughts. When she finally spoke up her voice was a strict one, a no-nonsense one; one that she used quite often with the recruits and younglings, and one that worked most of the time. She had always found her sounding like a mother when she used it.
“Well, you’re at least acting like one as well, so that isn’t all that strange.” Her gaze was hard and perfectly matched her tone. Trough the bond she felt a hint of surprise in Rialts feelings. “Getting yourself injured will achieve nothing but having to get Healed, and making you feel like an idiot when it is being done.” She took in a bit of air. “You will learn what she has to say tomorrow and we will do something then. Fretting yourself up because of it now will do nothing but bad; and will merely cause you to be feeling even worse tomorrow.” At the end of her words her voice had gotten a hint of anger in them and Kiren wondered where that came from but cast it aside as his emotions that sipped trough in hers. Her next words were calmer again and rid of anger.
“Try to have some patience ok?”

She wondered how he’d take it. Seldom had she spoke to him in this way.



(Ehm I might add a bit of thought to this, but right now someone from my studentroom is trying to play hacker on my PC or so it seems... gonna go find out who and then go home so.... you can answer if you want to already, it's just kinda short because i'm on short timeline and annoyed <_< )

Ooc – well, she has said pretty much all the logic and such that rialt needs, so I suppose that’s all for this thread unless you want to make a response and end or you have other ideas.

Kiren didn’t say anything after Rialts sudden outburst, he didn’t blame her, he was acting a fool. He knew it, and what was worse, was that she too knew it too. He paced about the spot before them, kicking up the dirt and a couple of sticks that lay in his way. He felt like running off to the training yards to spar, well, beat up was the operative word, unless Zekieal was there, anyone he encountered. Kiren regarded him thoughtfully, and finally she spoke up, breaking the silence of the Courtyard they stood in. Her tone spoke of authority, almost as if he was some Recruit who had challenged her. He was actually surprised that she had brought herself to speak to him in such a manner, not because he outranked her, but because their relationship to one another was always one of calm regard. He never treated her as anything but his equal in every respect, and she almost never did so either. There were times of course, when she had taken charge. She had saved his life many times, and had it not been for her interference with him, he very well may have collapsed in the midst of battle. But now, it seemed to be out of place, because they almost never argued with one another.

He listened to her though, even if she was treating him like a child. “Well, you’re at least acting like one as well, so that isn’t all that strange.” He frowned at her, his pride properly slighted. “Getting yourself injured will achieve nothing but having to get healed, and making you feel like an idiot when it is being done” He glanced down at his sprained hand and grunted. It was going to be a bit embarrassing to have to explain to one of the men or women who healed him, how he had injured his hand. Not that he had to answer, but if he didn’t, they might assume it had been in a spar, and he could not have people thinking he was getting rusty on his skills.

“You will learn what she has to say tomorrow and we will do something then. Fretting yourself up because of it now will do nothing but bad; and will merely cause you to be feeling even worse tomorrow.” She had a point, but even so, nothing that he did or didn’t do tonight was going to make him feel any less apprehensive or worried. He was going to feel bad no matter what he did this night. He simply had to wait and find out, like she said, and worrying over it wasn’t going to help; but that didn’t stop him from doing it. “You’re right." He stated simply. "I’m going to get some rest I suppose…” He started to wander off in the direction of the Tower, and she called out to him. He turned and she pointed to his hand, and he smiled, he had completely forgotten about it. It was rather humorous though, that the subject was dropped as quickly as it was. But it made no sense to dwell on the matter when he knew that she was right, he had to simply admit that fact and move on from it. Kiren made no remark about his sudden admittance. He tried to move his hand experimentally, and winced when a sharp pang ran through his arm. He was going to have to get that fixed, so he turned in the direction of the infirmary. Afterwards, he would make his way to his rooms to get what he could of sleep and to see what happened with his scheduled meeting with the Mistress of Novices.