“an hour after High chimes there will be a small rememberance for your brother. you will be given the day off to mourn” The words sounded dry, though trough Cayana’s voice clearly sounded compassion. “I’m sorry for your loss Mika” the Aes Sedai said before leaving; letting Mika alone once more in her room.

Shaya, her new roomie had been sent out of the room when Cayana had entered and now she just sat down wondering what to do. Normally she would enjoy a day like this; going outside enjoying the weather, find pleasurable company or try to get something snuck out of the kitchen... but now.

The mental note of the kitchen however had made something work in Mika and after a loud grumble of her tummy she started to get decently dressed and headed down to the mess hall where the chatter, which she normally found cosy and relaxing, now sounded deafening.

She picked up a plate and passed by the cooks and novices who handed out the food. Some porridge, a bit of bread, a thick slice of ham atop some scrambled eggs –or whatever that was supposed to be- and a big cup of milk. As she went to the place where she and her brother usually sat, Mika started thinking again, feeling that void of last night coming over her once more.

And so she sat down, completely alone, as if an oasis of calm between groups of talking novices, accepted, soldiers recruits and whatnot; staring in the milk that she held in-between her two hands, somehow hoping that her brother Elia would arrive and sit down in front of her like always; but knowing that he would not... that he would never again.

Tucking his sword back into its scabbard, Edeleas dashed to the Mess Halls hoping for a quick rest and a cup of mint tea to ease his aching muscles. As he walked a group of Soldiers saluted to him, and he acknowledged them awkwardly with a polite nod. Somehow he still wasn't used to being Dedicated and being bowed to and curtseyed in places in Tar Valon, but he had to put up with it.

He entered the Mess Hall, falling in line patiently like what he always did, asking for a pitcher and a cup of tea from the kind cook. He hurried off holding the things, head whipping here and there in search for his favorite corner. He found his usual table though, the place where he met Marian, Kathera and Miakoda, but today it wasn't waiting for him - a group of loud Younglings were occupying it instead.

"Now what...?" Edeleas whispered, looking around.

Then his green eyes landed on a table not far from him, just thirty steps away, occupied by a white-clad Novice who looked like she was ready to cry her heart out at any moment. Her eyes were red-rimmed. Edeleas hesitated. He knew that he changed so much after being raised, but his natural knack of wanting to help people surged in him at the sight of the Novice. Very likely she would just snap at him and send him away, but...

Slowly he approached her and stood before her. He cleared his throat. "I know I'm being rude, but you look like you could do with someone to talk to right now. I'm willing to listen. Can I join you?"

with her porridge getting sligtly hard, Mika had been sitting for quite some time now... just plainly staring in her milk untill suddenly a soft male voice drew her out of her thoughts...

not Elia's voice however; and her head only went up slowly, only halfheartedly noticing the black of the young man who was in a couple of her classes.
"I know I'm being rude, but you look like you could do with someone to talk to right now. I'm willing to listen. Can I join you?"

Only when he'd said the last part she noticed something shimmering on his colar, the swordpin, marking him as a dedicated and immediately she fumbled up and tried to curtsey while still halfway stuck between the table and te bench.
and fumbling it was indeed, for not only did it look horrid and the "off course dedicated" sounded completely to hoarse, she managed to top over her mug of milk on to her plate of ham over her eggs. who -if they werre not already- now had become instantly cold.

she looked back at her food and moaned softly as she tried to get her hands to work and pcik up the mug, but her eyes once more locked themselves on the lads swordpin; a pin that her brother should have been wearing now...

as her fingers found the cup and took it her nails dug into the baked clay and she suddenly had to bite back her tears as she felt her eyes turn glossy. "I'm sorry dedicated" she tried to say but it came out as a mumble because of the giant stone in her throath.

to Mika this all seemed to take an eternity, but in fact the dedicated had not even gotten the chance to say something in return or sit down.

Edeleas's face gave way to a soft frown as the Novice gave a start and made an attempt to curtsey. He gestured for her to drop the gesture, but she did not notice. He quickly noticed that she was trying very hard to fight back her tears, and in Edeleas' experiences, this was a time when tears were best left to flow freely.

He slowly took a chair and sat down before her, not really sure whether he should lay a hand on her shoulder or ask her name first. He decided it should be the first, so he tentatively extended his right hand and gently placed it on the younger girl's shoulder.

"I know you have a terrible problem right now." He said softly, trying to make his voice soothing. "I know what you're feeling right now. Let me tell you...this is one of those times in which tears are best left to go free. Bottle it all up and...it won't do you any good, I promise."

That was it, he said the magic words, and the first sign of tears slowly appeared around the girl's sad but beautiful eyes.

As the dedicated sat down mika followed his lead and pulled her mug of milk back up, glancing momentarilly at the bottom of milk that was still in it, making little circles which quickly faded as she let go of the cup.

then suddenly the young mans soft but steady and understanding voice seeped behind her walls and his words made them break...
"I know you have a terrible problem right now." He said softly, his voice sounding soothing. "I know what you're feeling right now. Let me tell you...this is one of those times in which tears are best left to go free. Bottle it all up and...it won't do you any good, I promise."
his words had the power to get behind and into the walls that she had put around her emotions, and they made cracks in them, small cracks trough which only her tears could escape, cold tears, for her emotions were still locked behind the cracked walls, and her voice sounded cold and hoarse as she spoke

"I saw you as a soldier in class yesterdaymorning" the accusation was clear in her voice though she spoke not disrespectfull -besides the lacking of his title- Mika had seen Elia yesterdaymorning as well, sitting right were the dedicated now sat, merrily talking to her, sharing his enthousiasm about his arches that might soon come.
the two soldiers had apperently taken the test on the same day.. but what did this one have more then her brother?

She looked up from her milk to look into his clear green eyes, though somewhat exotic, they were unsettling eyes she noticed... he looked as if one look could make someone tell his hole lifestory and all his crimes.
And she could see the confusion in his eyes.
her eyes however were dull at the moment, they showed only loss and wonder... wonder why not her brother but anoher sat before her now. wonder why Elia had been 'lost'

Suddenly Mika spoke up softly as she tried to collec herself again
"Where theyso difficult?... the arches.... could you be lost? why would you not come back? why didn't he come back?" that last question was the thing that finally broke her own wall, and as soon as she had utered it the emotions of pain and loss now showed clear over her entire face and body and she cried more profoundly, sheltering her head between her hands and softly rucking back and forth on her chest, whispering "Elia" between her sobs.

"Where they so difficult?... the arches.... could you be lost? Why would you not come back? Why didn't he come back?"

Edeleas could not answer right away. A thought struck him; something stunning - this Novice apparently had a loved one in the Towers and lost him or her through the arches while taking their respective tests for Accepted or Dedicated. He knew what was bothering her now. Briefly he recalled her other words.

I saw you as a Soldier in class yesterday morning...

He gripped his teacup hard, then finally relinquished his grip. He would not want to break another set of dining things. He shook his head, still keeping his voice neutral. The girl needed carefully chosen words; a slight slip of a vowel or two might incite her to rage and finally, to catastrophe.

"The arches...truly are difficult." Edeleas whispered. He made a mental prayer to the Light that nobody could hear them, especially not Aes Sedai or Asha'man, since speaking of what had befallen you generally was forbidden. "Things we fear most...are...hard to face. I cannot say to you why others come out and others don't...but what I can offer you are this. Company...and a shoulder to lean on. I know losing a loved one is...very painful."

A thought choked his mind for a moment; one of the things he did experience in the Arches...thousands dead, all murdered by him. Something he still could not escape. He forced the thought aside. No good dawdling in fears...

The girl now started to cry freely, rocking backward and forward on her chair. Edeleas instinctively reached into one of his pockets and produced a handkerchief and offered it to her. Somewhere in Tar Valon, the bells sounded the toll of the hour, but he did not stand. Never mind he was running late, but he had to help her, this young woman before him.

If only he could find out what her name is...

"The arches...truly are difficult." Edeleas whispered as if afraid to be caught, but Mika did not notice it, she merely heard his voice, hoping for an expalation. "Things we fear most...are...hard to face. I cannot say to you why others come out and others don't...but what I can offer you are this. Company...and a shoulder to lean on. I know losing a loved one is...very painful."

Even though she cried now, she could still feel the chil that seemed to have come over him for a moment, the chill brought by the words he had spoken. words that had obviously caused him pain as well, much pain.
and somewhere within Mika's mind a train of thought started to form.
Elia had always been really strong and could do everything, he was amongst the favorites of his mentors and teachers and evolved quickly in both training with saidin, and mundane studies... he was a strong man.
And yet somehow the Arches had been so bad that he did not manage toget trough them... in one of the arches there had been something so bad and horrible that even her brothers strength had not managed to get him back.

And then there was this young man, sitting in front of her, knowing very little of her -if any at all- who had just been put trough those bad experiences, trying to sooth her pain, and in the meanwhile having to coope with something that bad that had past only a day ago... something that had managed to make her own brother 'lost'
Suddenly Mika realised how selfish she was and from one moment to the next she was silent, her shoulders stopped shaking, she sat stil and her chin merely was shaking instead of being twisted in an awful grimace. a couple of tears still ran from her face and she quickly -and gratefully- took the handkerchief that the Dedicated offered her to wipe her face free from tears and other.... less sightly... things.

she tried to speak up again and cursed inwardly, for her voice was still very hoarse and unsteady. "I'm so sorry for having you think back about something this bad... if it was something that was so bad and so strong for my brother to lose the will or strength to come back and keep me safe, it had to have been awfull. and I should not have brought this upon you... I will go seek out the mistress of novices after his rememberance should you wish" she now looked back into his rather unsettling eyes and felt utterly guilty for hurting him so much with her selfish talk.

"I do thank you though for your offer" she added with a gentle smile that showed the weary gratefullnes she felt because even if in such pain himself he still seemed so concerned about her. in some way it reminded her of Elia.

"I'm so sorry for having you think back about something this bad... if it was something that was so bad and so strong for my brother to lose the will or strength to come back and keep me safe, it had to have been awfull. and I should not have brought this upon you... I will go seek out the mistress of novices after his rememberance should you wish. "I do thank you though for your offer"

Edeleas nodded as he took back his handkerchief. Asha'man Rialt will SKIN me alive for running late. he thought. But then he stood up, drinking the rest of his mint tea in one gulp. He gave the Novice one last assuring squeeze on the shoulder.

"Should you need me, my name is Edeleas al'Kuar." He said. "The other Dedicated and Soldiers will know where to find me. I do hope you will be well. I must take my leave now; my classes with the Mahdi al'Tain cannot wait any longer."

He turned around and walked away, running after he deposited his pitcher and teacup at the counter. He was already in the Training Halls when he remembered that he forgot to get her name.