Still somewhat groggy Mika stretched and got out of her bed. It was strange; having a room all by herself, with no-one to share it. In a way it was somewhat lonely for she and shaya had often stayed up late, talking, but then again, she had been troubled with nightmares of her arches eversince she'd been raised now, and in a way she felt relieved that no-one, not even shaya, who felt like a sister to her, could see her in this state.
The sun had not yet risen, as usual when she got up; for she'd gotten used to get up early to spend as much of her time as she could the way she wanted to. But today -like quite a few mornings since she'd become an accepted- it was even earlier; since she once more had been awoken by nightmares.
Calmly she got dressed, donning herself in the seven striped accepteddress once more. the fabrik was exactly the same as that of a novice, but still it felt more heavy... a loot more. As did the tasks.
When she had been a novice she'd assumed that being an accepted would be bliss; less chores, you could chose your own classes -most of them at least- and had a lot of time free.
well that didn't turn out the way she'd expected it. True, there were less chores, and she was allowed to chose a number of her classes herself... but she had by far time to spare; and often caught herself wndering how sh'd ever be able to adjust herself had she not practically stopped pranking and learned to use her 'free' time as a novice already.
Mika knew though that the first couple of weeks or months as an accepted would be extra hard; a way to pick out those who had 'accidentally' passed the arches test. But she was far from ready to be picked and kicked out; after all she'd found a goal ald woud strive and work to get there. she would find a way. Edeleas' words sounded in her ears and their little chat the night she was raised was fresh in her memory and she realised he'd been right. True she still felt bad about what had happened in them, and often-like tonight- they kept her awake at night; but now she was striving towards something she had learned something.
She left her room with her stationaries and notes in her hands and passed trough the mess hall to see if they were open already, but as it still was somewhat dark-ish and she'd not even sen any servants in the hall; she doubted it.
Briefly she wondered whether she'd get into trouble for being out this 'late' if someone caught her, but then again, she assumed it was early enough not to be called late.
But not early enough for the mess hall to serve anything though. A single recruit was mopping the floor, a disgruntled look on her face, one which was replaced as she noticed Mika walk in, followed by a quick obligatory curtsey. it felt strange though, having others curtsey to her. she ust nodded and went out into the gardens for a breather, after all it was the season that wild strawberries would grow, and Mika knew a nice spot for them.
They still were rather sour and greenish though, but Mika hardly cared and ate some anyways before going back inside and heading towards the library, which was just about always open, no matter what time. She'd found a few books, sotwed away and completely covered in dust which spoke of ter'angreal and even one which handled in patricular aboutter'angreal and travelling. the only setback on them however was that they were really really old. and to her knowledge not yet translated into the new common tongue.
"about two years of studying the old tongue and still it is so difficult" she muttered as she opened the doors to the library to get in.
Marian rubbed her eyes softly again trying to stifle any yawn that threatened to come forth. Light, she couldn’t continue to do that. With her other hand, she rubbed her throbbing temples, attempting to soothe the pain that pulsed through her head. She hadn’t been able to fall asleep until late, and even then, it had been restless, passages of reports and documents she’d been receiving as being the Head Clerk of the Gray Ajah. “No wonder no one else would opt for taking the position,” she muttered darkly to herself. She had sisters harping at her all day and night, reports streaming in by the wagonload, headaches accompanying them. She didn’t know if she could handle the stress. Light, she’d probably be in this position until she bloody died. “Just let them try and kill me off,” she simmered, shoving away her reports. She’d been at it since before dawn, trying to get some more done. She hadn’t had anything better to do, and under the instruction of the other Gray sisters, she was supposed to act as though she were only taking on the load of being a new sister, much less the Head Clerk. No one seemed to notice how much time she ended up spending in her rooms now days. She’d enjoyed fresh air as much as the next Accepted, but now, Light, she rarely saw the light of day.
Shaking her head, but then stopping because it hurt even more, she knew she had to do something about these headaches. Light, nothing worked. Herbal remedies from Tar Valon or anywhere in the world no longer affected her pain. No matter what she did… Marian knew that it was likely the headaches would be cured by a simple visit to the Infirmary, but as she had thought before – she was supposed to act as though nothing were different. Sudden headaches would certainly be a change for Marian, considering she had never gone to the infirmary once during her younger years at the Tower, save the times she had served in it as an Accepted. She herself had a Talent in Healing, but Healing herself didn’t work. Light, she’d known that before she had known she had the Talent. Even if she couldn’t act differently, she had to do something about this. She couldn’t go on forever like that.
The idea of asking another Gray sister for help did not even cross her mind. There was no way she’d allow them to know what she was going through. They’d percieve it as a weakness and try to use her. First of all, if they appointed her into this position, she would not be maneuvered around like a cow. Plus, she was not going to be weak. She was going to accomplish what needed to be done in this. She could resign from her position someday, perhaps, but for now, she needed a handle on it.
She knew that that was not all that was on her mind lately. She’d recently visited with Edeleas, her former friend. Light, how he had changed… She needed to get someone to watch him. She didn’t know why, but the twisting feeling in her stomach would not leave. Edeleas could no longer be trusted. At least in her position as Head Clerk, she had the power to do something like that, without the approval of all her other sisters.
Marian rose from her seat in her room and took her shawl and put in on her shoulders. She needed some time to think. She needed to take a break. Maybe she’d go down to the library. She doubted she would read anything. Any more knowledge in her brain would make her explode. Warding her desk, she left her room and locked the door behind her, slipping the key around her neck and under the front of her dress. Warding all of her rooms would seem far too suspicious.
Her thoughts consumed her as she made her way to the library. She did not see those passing her by as she walked, ignoring any curtsies or bows that came her way. The murmurs of, “Aes Sedai,” did not phase her like they usually did. Light, what would she do about Edeleas? Walking into the library, she bumped into someone. This jerked her back to reality and out of her thoughts. She glanced to see that she had knocked into Mika.
“Pardon me, Mika,” she said. She blinked, and realized that she had not yet seen Mika since her raising, and she didn’t think Mika had seen her since her own. She looked at the banded hem and almost missed those days as Accepted. They had not been so long ago, and Light, how much simpler they had been… Why couldn’t she have been raised after the Gray sisters had chosen a different Head Clerk? “Congratulations on your raising,” she murmured quietly, for only Mika’s ears.