Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead."How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her
pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in
surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and
went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of
water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes
later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of
water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank
you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When
you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into
Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and
out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when
he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with
me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I
can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long
silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as
she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very
pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied,
directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom
says it's a bitch to iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get
into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I
replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your
butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus
six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was
saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy
answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is
how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he
answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher
replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother
asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of
a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she
answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH,
is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is
falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A
talking chicken!' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.
9. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the boys? "Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few
moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with
him?"
10. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She
stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm
gonna get boobs too."
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