Title: On The Way Down
Summary: Helen reflects on her feelings for Nikki
setting: Set near the series 2 finale just before Nikki and Helen leave Helen's flat.
Disclaimer: I do not own Nikki and Helen. They are property of SHED. I have not, nor will I ever make any money off this story or any other…. Foraslongaswebothshallliveamen.
Feedback: I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers…err…within board regulations, that is. Anything else, feel free to PM me. I’m a complete feedback whore.
NOTE: A big thank you to the wonderful and quite talented Liza for beta’ing this for me. You rock, chick-y!
NOTE 2: I’ve made a few changes to the final beta’d version. Any and all mistakes are mine.
NOTE 3: I know what you’re thinking; Damn it with all these freakin’ notes already, just get on and post the story. Okay, okay! *holds up hands* Just a minute! teehee There’s just one last thing I want to say…

But now I can’t remember what it was… shoot! *sheepishly looks around before making a dash for the door!*

ETA: NOTE 4: Thanks to ekny for pointing out to me that "bare" should have been "bear" *bows before your greatness*

So after going back over the beta'd draft I realized that Liza had fixed the whole "Bare vs. Bear" bit for me, but I overlooked it when I was making corrections... so my appologies. I hope I didn't take anyone too far out of the moment.


On The Way Down

I can feel her eyes on me, watching me from the bedroom doorway as I dress. And even though I am dead nervous about what is to take place, I can feel my body responding to that simple gaze--heating up in all the right places until it feels as though I will melt into a puddle right there on the bedroom floor. I wonder then, if she will always affect me like this--with just a look, or a touch, or my name breathed against my ear in that deeply intense way she has of speaking into me--through me. I suppress a shiver of desire as it races down my spine, leaving tendrils of unspoken want in its wake.

I know I shouldn’t be having these thoughts--not now; not with her in that bloody nurses uniform, standing there in the doorway waiting for me to dress. My heart does a flutter in my chest as I’m brought back into the reality of my situation--our situation. She still thinks that I’m going to drive her to the bus station, and it breaks my heart to know that in 30 minutes time I’ll be pulling up in front of Larkhall instead.

I tried to call the police, but my love for her wouldn’t allow it. I tried to reason with her--to make her see that our future is in reach if only she pursues her appeal--that justice would see us through, but she wouldn’t listen. She’s so bloody stubborn sometimes and that drives me absolutely mad. I want her to think things through--I want her to stop playing the bloody child all the time, while I’m left to take care of the both of us. Sometimes I need to be taken care of too. Can’t she see that?

Doesn’t she know that I need her just as much as she needs me? Doesn’t she realize that every night I slip into bed on my own, without her there to hold me, is another night I cry myself to sleep? Doesn’t she know that my heart, my mind, and my body is so attuned to her that I can feel her even when we’re a part--that I can feel when she’s needing me too?

I slip into my leather jacket and brush past her at the doorway. Our bodies spark even at the briefest of touches, and I suppress the intense need I have to press my body more fully into hers. By the time I’m out of reach of her my heart is in my shoes, my breath is shallow in my lungs, and I have to steady myself against the wall to keep from dropping like a stone to the wooden floor beneath my feet.

She feels me and makes a move to come close to me--if I allowed her to she would wrap me up in her strong arms and for a moment I could lose myself there. But I can’t. I won’t. We’re running out of time as it is, so I take a step away from her and try with all my might to ignore the smallest flint of rejection that I see behind her dark eyes.

I want a life with her, but I want it free. I want to be free to love her and not have to watch my back. A life free from the worry of being caught--of the police finding us and taking my Nikki away from me for good. The thought of not having her scares me to death--the thought that she could spend the rest of her life in prison is almost more than I can bear… I love her more than I have ever loved anyone--more than I thought I had capacity to love.

But none of that matters now. I’m about to demolish her trust. I only hope she can forgive me for what I’m about to do.

Emms that was quite wonderful and emotional.

cheers,

Brenda

:err :err :err your welcome mate, anytime.


So when do I get to beta-read the next one????? Come on women get writting...

I'd just like to take a moment to thank these lovely laydees for taking the time out of their day to leave me a few words of encouragement. It's meant a lot. Thank you!

LahbibLover ~ Thank you, Brenda! This was my first attempt at a Nikki/Helen story, so I thought I'd keep it short. I'm glad you liked it. :)

BGEp1,2&3~ Hi there, Liza! Teehee... you'll get to look over another one quite soon. I'm working on something a little bit meatier for the next time around. I Don't think this next one will count as a vignette. :innocent

xoxo
Emms

:dazzler Hello,Just read this one...I was holding my breath...you did a good job***

Emms, another great one!

Thanks for sharing and I look forward to the next!!!