I can't begin to give advice or truly understand what you are going thru as I am a gay woman but there is a site I would like to pass on to you if you don't mind.
I saw Joanne Flesher on Oprah Winfrey a few years back. She was talking about her book .....
Living Two Lives ........A guide for married women awakening to their attraction to other women.
Joanne Flesher, LCSW, the program founder has her license in clinical social work from Bryn Mawr Graduate School. For over 20 years her private practice has specialized in women's issues and gay/lesbian concerns. Before starting her practice, Joanne was in a heterosexual marriage for 12 years with 2 children in the suburbs, when she realized she had to deal with her sexuality. She had fallen in love with a woman, but didn't want to break up her marriage. She felt the isolation, pain and fear that most women feel when questioning their sexuality, and had nowhere to go for peer support and guidance. She had to create her own network of support, both professionally and personally at a time when resources were less visible or available.
Today, she uses the experience of her practice and her long-term relationship with a woman to help others. Her certification in family therapy and Imago couples therapy gives her specific skills for working with couples and families who need support and help in their relationships.
For more information, email the director Joanne Fleisher, LCSW ...
joanne@lavendervisions.com
Joanne now has a web site and there is a section on the board called ... Ask Joanne .... this appears to be a network for married / bisexual women who have feeling for other women and for gay women who are involved with married women. I don't know if it will be of any use to you but I thought you might want to check out the site.
http://www.lavendervisions.com This site is operated by Joanne Fleisher
Please, don't harm yourself in any way. There are counselling agencies out there that can help you through these issues.
Be good to yourself ok ..... :hug2