Save Me From Myself

Hiya guys,

Ok, so i started a new story, because Fallen Angel is coming to an end (should be finished this week). I hope you all enjoy this one too, although, be warned, it will get a lot darker and angsty as the chapters go on.




Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Bad Girls All characters belong to She Productions.



Chapter one

The hands slipped through her hair, like water running over silk-with the greatest of ease. Their heads drew closer, until there was less than a millimeter between their pulsating lips.
The air was hot, and the mood intense.

"Say the words," she thought impatiently to herself. "Please, just say the words,"

She didn't have to wait long.

"I love you." he said the words like he could read her mind. Or maybe it was her body language he could read? Either way he was geting a very clear sign. Her lips said one thing, while the arch of her back, leaning so far away from his body it was uncomfortable, told a very different
story.

"Okay guys, that's a wrap. Great acting today! Look, i know it's been a long day for everyone - a 16 hour stint on set is never easy, but i really need all of you back here by 7am at the latest." Without waiting for agreement, Jim Fenner, director extrordinaire, and bane of every actors life
turned on his heels to walk away, as calm and compossed as you like.

"What! 7am! Thats 5 hours from now! It takes me an hour to drive home, and an hour to get back. I may as well sleep in my bloody dressing room!" The venom that screeched from the leading actress' mouth was enough to stop Fenner in his tracks, but it wasn't enough to get his back up. He was used
to his staff having the occassional diva-like strop when things didn't quite go the way they wanted them to.
But he was in charge here, and boy did he love to wind-up these wannabe prima donnas. His word was final, and
by the looks of it this bitch was going to have to find that out the hard way.

"Yes Helen, thats a wonderful idea. You do that. Sleep in your dressing room, save yourself the time and
money of going home to Kensington or Chelsea or what ever posh area it is i expect you live." With a smirk on
his face he turned and quickly disapeared into the airy and deserted back lot of Elstree studios.

Fenner 1 - Helen 0. Maybe that would teach her to keep her big trap shut from now on..and if it didn't, he would
have to shut it for her.

"Bastard!" Helen sneered under her breath, imagining what it would be like to punch that man in his smarmy face.

She had only met him 5 days previous and already he was making her life a misery, and her skin crawl. Had she been a
paranoid person she would have sworn he was doing it purposely to annoy her, but she let that thought go, otherwise
it would have eaten away at her.

She lt out a sigh of frustration and felt her co-stars arm slide around her shoulders...much to her discomfort.

"Just ignore him Helen. I've worked with Fenner before, and trust me, he's not worth getting worked up over. Seeing you
angry seems to turn him on and spur him on." Helen moved away, trying not to make it obvious she was attempting to
put a distance between herself and her new on-screen lover.

"Thanks Dominic, but i think i need more than a few reassuring words right now."

"Sorry." Dominic bowed his head. This woman made him feel like he had never felt before, and yet he had only known
her a few days. Somehow Helen Stewart managed to intimidate him into a nervous, stuttering wreck.

"Pity the pubs are shut. We could have gone for a drink...a nightcap would do you the world of good...i know i could
do with a pint...maybe another time though? If you are free...its okay if you arent, or if you have a boyfriend, well
thats fine too..."

Helen stayed quiet, deep in thought, trying to figure out which was the better of two bad options. Stay in her dressing room, with no bed and just a very uncomfortable wicker chair to sleep in, or a 2 hour round journey to go home to a house that did have a bed...a bed she wouldnt have time to sleep in. She let out another exasperated sigh of defeat.

"Wicker chair it is," She mummbled tiredly under her breath, running her hands through her hair uncaring of how messed up
she left it.

"What?" Dominic stopped mid-sentence, realising Helen hadn't been listening to a single word he had been saying.

"Listen, Helen, my place is just around the corner. Come back and stay at mine, its no problem."

"Thanks for the offer, but really, i'm fine here.

"At least at mine you have a bed, a shower, central heating and food. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face Helen,
you know what im saying makes sense."

"Yeah, maybe you're right, but i don't want to impose." Truth was Helen felt uncomfortable going back to some guys place whom she hardly knew. Previous to working with him him all she had read was negative tabloid stories of "Desperate Dominic" McCallister and his womanizing ways. A new page 3 girl or slutty model on his arm every weekend managed to get his face splashed all over the front pages of "The Sun" on a weekly basis. Did she really want to be going bck to his flat, where anything could happen? Waiting for him to pounce - making her his latest conquest.

She shook her head. "Don't believe everything read Helen." She scolded herself inwardly. "You've had plenty of shit
written about yourself in the past, and most of its complete bollocks."

"Okay Dom, lead the way."


~~~*~~~


Laying sprwaled out on Dominics couch, Helen very quicky found herself in a peaceful slumber, and much to her disgust,
found herself just as quickly awoken from it. It seemed like she had been asleep only minutes when she heard a familiar
voice whispering gently beside her.

"Sorry to wake you, but i thought you'd want time to grab a quick shower before we have to leave for work."

"Eh, yeah, sure, thanks." Helen squinted her eyes, desperately trying to divert them from the sharp yellow light that beamed into the livingroom from the hallway.

"Jeez!" Her hands slid through her hair as she clutched tightly at the sides of her head. She was sure a drum was banging
away where her brain should be. It felt like a bad hangover, but no alcohol had passed her lips. This was food and sleep
deprivation finally kicking in, her body screaming out for her to take better care of it. A week of 3 hour sleeps and the
Julies' canteen sandwiches was finally taking its toll.

"I can't go on like this!" She chastised herself as she hobbled from the sofa in search of the bathroom, all the while
wondering where she would be able to get pro-plus and 2 cans of red bull to wash them down with, at this time in the
morning.

Sleepily she pushed on the the white bathroom door. The light was already on she noticed as the door began to jar open, before hitting something that was obviously on the floor, blocking it from moving further. She pushed harder, but it was no good, it wouldnt budge.

Sliding herself in through the small gap she noticed a pair of feet first, then the body they were attached to.

"Dominic! Are you ok?" Hearing Helen scream he jumped up from the floor, letting go of his grip on the toilet seat,
he placed his hands on Helen's shoulders as he stood in front of her.

"I'm fine..."

"Were you sick? What were you doing?" Helen's face scuntched up in confusion, a confusion that grew as Dominic remained silent, thinking of how to explain himself.

"Helen, it's not what you think..."

"What's not what i think? What am i supposed to be thinking?" She looked over at the toilet, everything seemed normal...
except for the slight remnants of white powder along the seat.

"Dominic, please say you haven't...Cocaine! Why!"

"It's just a pick me up...it's nothing. Every actor does it once in a while."

"I havent!"

"Look, Helen, don't judge me. You've only been doing 16 hour shifts for one week. I've been doing it for nearly 6 months!
After a few weeks your body shuts down, and coke is the only way to keep going. If you think coffee is going to get you through this seasons filming then your severely deluded. I give you another couple of weeks before you're begging me for some."

"Don't bet on it. I'd rather quit than become a coke-head, unable to function without snorting shit up my nose. I didn't
take you for one either, Dom."

"I'm no coke-head. I'm not dependent on it..."

"Yet." Helen shook her head in defeat. This poor boy had no clue what he was doing to himself. How could things get
so bad that the only answer was drugs? She would never let things get that bad...would she?


~~~~**~~~~


The car journey back to Elstree was carried out in silence. Neither had the energy to indulge in conversation after the
mornings events, especially with another 16 hour day of filming looming over their heads. And for Helen, the idea of spending that amount of time in the company of Jim "Bastard" Fenner was depressing her to say the least.

"Here we go guys, studio 22, have a great day!" The car pulled up to the backlot, and the overly cheerful driver opened the back doors to let them exit. Helen managed to let out a grumble, while Dominic gave the man a polite nod as he followed behind her.

"Ah, Helen, good morning. How very lovely to see you. I take it you decided against staying here after all. Well i just
hope Dominic was the perfect host...though i'm sure he was." Jim stood outside the dressing room doors watching Helen
stride past, a sneer spread across his face like he had just been let into a secret no one else knew.

"Not now Jim!" The door to wardrobe slammed shut with ferocity as Helen dissapeared inside.

"Hmmm...lovers tiff? He looked across at Dominic, who wisely choose to ignore his boss. Getting on the wrong side of
Fenner was not an option he relished. He had seen one to many co-stars hired an fired in the blink of an eye. Suspended
without pay and basically treated like shit until filming was over. He refused to let that happen. In the mean time he
would continue to act like the good little boy everyone thought he was...until he could take it no more.


~~~~**~~~~

"Right guys, thats another day in the can. Get yourselves home, get a couple of days rest, God knows, some of you look
as though you need it," Jims eyes rested on Helen, looking her up and down as he spoke. "And i'll see you all on location
in Spain on Tuesday to commence filming." A few of the cast and crew began to whoop and cheer at the prospect of an all-expenses paid holiday in the sun.

The crowd of people began to disperse, but stopped dead in their tracks as Jim's voice boomed out once again.

"Oh and Helen, love. If you've read your script you'll know there's going to be quite a few beach scenes on this trip, so if
you wouldn't mind laying off the wining and dining until we wrap, i'd really appreciate it. Wouldn't want you looking like
Moby Dick in a bikini on the big screen, now would we? This isn't the sequel to "Free Willy".

Helen felt Jims words pierce her heart. She knew herself that she was never going to be a contender in a Twiggy look-a-like competition, but to be compared to a beached whale?!

"Jim, are you trying to suggest im fat? because i'll have you know i'm the correct weight for my height!"

"Sure love, and the Pope's Jewish. Just lose the few extra stones you're carrying before we get to Mallorca, there's a good girl."

Tears stung Helens eyes as she stormed off to her dressing room. By the time she reached the 5ft long mirror that hung on her wall the tears had began to run down the length of her face, cascading down her cheeks at an alarming rate.

She observed the figure that reflected back...stripping off the layers of clothes that enveloped her skin, she stood naked
in only her underwear, looking over ever inch of her own being for flaws. Her eyes rested on the tiny stomach that protruded
slightly over the waistband of her pants. Disgust rose in her, like bile settling in the back of her throat.

"Why can't i have hip bones, instead of this ugly flab." She turned away from her reflection, sobbing and incapable of
inspecting herself any more. Jim was right...she was overweight...and something had to be done about it.

Chapter Two



Helen looked forlornley down at the clothes that were strewn around her feet. She picked up the top she had been wearing and winced as she read the label. Size 12.
In her heart she knew that didn't make her fat, but somehow her brain wasn't in agreement.

Fenner's words stung at her, like a hive of bees attacking her soul. "Lose a couple of stones..." He said the words without a care in the world, not bothered by how she would feel as a result. The scene played over, and over in her mind, like a jammed record, and each time she got to his last comment she felt more depressed than before. All she wanted to do now was lock herself away at home with a bottle of stolichnya vodka and as much comfort food as she could get her hands on.

The last of her clothes firmly in place, she flicked the dimmer switch and quitly closed over the wooden door to her dressing room.

"Ah, you're still here...i was gonna leave this for you..." Dominic, seemingly appearing from nowhere handed over a brown A4 sized envelope.

"Probably fanmail?" Helen nodded in agreement, but still felt aprehensive at the strange letter in her hands. There was no post mark, so it must have been hand delivered, but how? Security would never have let anyone past the gate to the studio without a pass, and they would certainly not have taken a mysterious package from a stranger, no matter how much they pleaded. it was against company policy due to the risks involved. Too many hours of filming had been halted because of suspect letters and boxes that had been left at the front of the building from crazy fans who couldnt wait to get their latest letters of adoration to their favourite celebrity.

"Thanks Dom, i'll read it when i get home." Helen folded the letter over and tucked it into an already over-crowded handbag that would have put Mary Poppins to shame.

"Do you need a lift home? I can go get my bike?" Without even having to think about it Helen shook her head.

"No, it's ok, i have a car waiting outside for me." Dominic acknowledged her with a smile and a nod which soon became an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say.

"Look, Helen, about what you saw this morning..."

"Dominic, you dont have to explain yourself, certainly not to me. What you do with your life is of no concern to me, just as long as you don't get me involved in it. As far as i'm concerned i didn't see anything this morning, and i never want to again. Understood?"

"Of course." Dominic nodded his head excitedly. He couldnt believe Helen was prepared to sweep his escapades under the carpet. He had feared she would report him...not that Jim would have batted an eyelid, for he was the one supplying the cocaine in the first place, but he knew he would be finished if his agent got wind of his drug use.

"Night then."

"Yeah, night Dom...see you in spain."

With Helen's back turned a smirk grew on Dominics face. "Yeah, i can't wait"




~~~****~~~



"Nikki! You're going to be late for work hun, get a move on!"

"Calm it Trish! Anyway, It's your bloody fault im running behind, making me drive you to Ikea at 8.00 in the bloody morning!" Nikki sat herself on the second last step in the hallway and pulled on her black boots.

"We needed a rug for the lounge!" Trish pouted her lips like a little girl.

"Yeah, but did it really need to take you over an hour to choose one? Right, i'm away. Don't wait up for me, i'll be working late. Yvonne's left a millions messages on my mobile...some information has come in regarding the case we're working on, and it could lead us to catching this guy we've been after for a while, so it may mean a double shift. Sorry darling."

"Nikki all you ever work these day's are double shifts. When you're home you're either sleeping, or i'm out as auditions. I don't get to see you anymore babes." There it was again, the pouted lip that Nikki despised. Trisha seemed to think it was endearing enough to make Nikki do whatever it was she wanted, but she was sorely mistaken...if anything it had the opposite effect.

"I can't help it that our jobs clash...that's life Trisha, and if you can't handle that then you shouldn't been in this relationship."

"Nik, i didn't mean we should break up over it...i just want to spend more time with my girlfriend, is that a crime!"

"Look, like you said, i'm late, we can finish this conversation when we're both free." Nikkis last comment was said with a hint of sarcasim that seemed to go unoticed by Trisha. She was too busy thinking about how hers and Nikki's relationship was crumbling round about her and there was nothing she could do to stop it. All they ever did these days was argue, usually over the silliest of things.

"Nikki, please..." Before she could finish her sentence the slamming of the front door halted her and made her jump, even though she could see it coming.

She had to try and fix things between them...no matter what it took.

Chapter Three

Helen threw herself down on her own sofa and gave out a sigh of relief mixed with frustration. She plonked
down the bottle of unopened vodka and a single glass onto her coffee table and began to pour herself a
much needed stiff drink. The glass was placed to her lips and the liquid was thrown down the back of her
throat in the blink of an eye. Before she had a chance to let the burning sensation in her stomach subside
she had another poured and ready to follow the last in the same direction. Anything to blot out the shitty
day she had just had to endure.

Reaching into her bag for her cigarettes and lighter she felt her hand brush over paper. She pulled out the
brown envelope and inspected it curiously. Written on the front in scratchy, almost unrecognisable handwritting
was her name. No address, no postmarking, no stamp. Just "Helen". As unusal as it was, and as unsettled
as it made hr feel, curiosity got the better of her.

She lit a cigarette, blowing out a large cloud of smoke as she placed her thumb in a gap at the opening of
the envelope and started to tear it open.

Taking another drag on her fag before she placed it in the clear, round ashtray, leaving her hands free to inspect
the contents. Holding the brown paper with her left hand, she plunged her right into its rough depths, seeking
out the smaller piece of paper that was most likely due to be concealed within. But as her hand made its way
inside she felt another unexpected sensation cover her hand and make her want to vomit.

Retracting it quickly she stared down and watched as tiny droplets of blood trickled from the tips of her fingers
onto the beige carpet beneath her. Her whole hand was covered in a red substance...a substance she knew to be blood.

Helen's head began to spin, making her feel dizzier than the vodka in front of her ever could.

She stood up quickly, the envelope falling to the floor, as she made a mad dash to the bathroom. Her breathing was
laboured, and a small, non-scream tried to escape from the back of her throat, tears threatening to erupt as panic
set in.

Her hand shook furiously as she placed it under the clear water which flowed freely from the gold plated tap which
was now tainted with blood-stained fingerprints. The red liquid seeped away, down the plughole and out of sight,
but several nasty gashes remained, from which blood continue to spurt.

She wrapped her hand tightly in a towel, which quickly became saturated.

Her back slid down the bathrooms white-tiled wall, almost in slow motion, until her bottom hit the ground. Silent
sobs racked her exhausted body. She was so tired, so very tired. Tired of work. Tired of Jim Fenner. Tired of her
fucked up collegues, and more than anything she was tired of life.

She sat there in the same position crying and staring at her towel wrapped hand, thinking of all the things that had gone
wrong in her life and contemplating the future and what it had in store.

When there were no more tears left to cry she crawled onto her knees and slunk into her bedroom from the en-suite to get to
the telephone where she punched in 3 little numbers. 999.


*********************


Nikki sprinted up the 3 flights of stairs, taking 2, or sometimes 3 steps at a time. Reaching the top, only slightly out of puff
she dived through the double doors into her department, where all her colleagues stopped for a split second to see what the commotion
was before returning unbashed to what they were doing...all except one.

"Nikki! About bleedin' time! I expected you in 40 minutes ago...fight with the misses?" Yvonne Atkins gave Nikki a lopsided knowing grin.
Where Nikki was concerned a woman was always at the root of her problems.

"How'd you guess." Nikki returned the smile. The first time she had shown teeth in days. There was very little to smile about at home these
days. The fights with Trisha had become more regular over the last few months, after Nikki recieved a well deserved promotion from Constable
to Sergeant, causing her to work long, tedious shifts that got in the way of real life.

"Don't think you ain't gonna get a bollocking just because you've been 'avin a domestic..." Yvonne was about to let rip when the telephone next to
her began to ring off the hook. She looked at the phone and then back at her soon to be prey.

"Saved by the bell Nik, you must have the luck of the Gods on your side!" Yvonne threw her another smirk and returned to seriousness as she
answered the call.

"DCI Atkins. Yes. Ok. No, it's fine...i'll deal with it personally. Bye." Yvonne replaced the handset and removed herself from the desk she was
sitting on with a jump.

"Right Wade, get your arse in gear...we have a celebrity that needs saving."



**********************************

Chapter Four


Helen was still in her bedroom when she heard the buzzer to her apartment sound in the hallway. It took all the energy in her body to summon the will to move and answer it. If she hadn't known who was there she would most definatley have ignored it. But this was important.

With her left, undamaged hand she pressed the intercom button and heard the main door downstairs open and then slam shut again. She walked to her own door and opened it wide, but didnt wait on her "guests". Instead she went back to the livingroom and sat on the arm of the single cream chair that sat in the corner next to her bookcase, which held hundreds of paperbacks and even more cds.

"Miss Stewart?" Yvonne peeked her head around the livingroom door and on noticing Helen staring blankly at the beige wall, entered.

"Miss Stewart, you called us...you said there was an emergency...are you ok love?" Yvonne looked warily at Nikki who just shrugged, while taking in her surroundings. Nothing seemed to look too out of place. Things were a bit messy, but nothing to suggest a scuffle or break-in.

Helen didn't answer verbally. Instead she stood and walked towards the couch where she had been sitting 30 minutes before. She bent down and picked up the envelope with two fingers, and held it at arms length away from her as though it had been coated in acid and would burn her.

Nikki's eyes scruntched together as she tried to fathom out what this woman was doing. Helen Stewart, the actress who she had often admired when she had seen her on TV was standing before her looking like Nikki had never seen her look before...haggard and dazed in seeming confusion.

"Whats that love?" Yvonne waited on an answer that never came. Helen Stewart was starting to piss her off with this silent routine.

"Have you hurt yourself?" Nikki eyed the blood drenched towel acting as a substitute bandage around Helen's wrist.
For a second she wondered if this was a botched suicide attempt...a cry for help that had gone wrong. All the signs pointed to it...the almost empty bottle of vodka on the table, the droplets of blood on the floor and sofa, the towel around the wrist, and the fact Helen Stewart had only weeks ago been plastered all over the papers due to her split with fellow celeb, Sean Parr.

It wasn't until she took the envelope off of Helen and looked inside that she changed her mind. This was no suicide attempt. Someone had deliberately set out to hurt this woman, and by the looks of it they had achieved what they set out to do.

"Take a look at this!" Nikki handed it over to her superior and watched to see if Yvonne had the same reaction as herself when she seen what it was.

"Bleedin' 'ell....Listen love, i know you're probably in shock, but have you got any idea who would send you razor blades? Does anyone have a grudge against you?" Helen shook her head. Yvonne was right on two counts. She was in shock, and someone obviously did have something against her...enough to want her hurt.

"Ok, we are still gonna have to take a statement darlin'. Nikki here will make you a cup of strong tea and i'll go through a few things with you. Then we're going to get you up to Larkhall General to get that hand of yours checked out. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes, thank you." Helen's words were barely a whisper, but it was better than silence.

Nikki appeared from the kitchen with a steaming mug of tea and sat it down on the table in front of Helen before she took a seat next to her to begin her questioning.


It took Nikki nearly 50 minutes to get the whole story from Helen, who was clearly being guarded. Nikki couldnt work out if this was the way Helen always was, or if it was because she was a celebrity that she kept so much back. She was definately a tough nut to crack.


"Right Helen, Nikki is going to take you to casualty to get sorted..."

"NO!" Helen jumped from the sofa, tucking stray strands of hair behind her left ear.

"I'm fine. Honest. The bleeding's stopped, and all i want to do is sleep. I've had a hard week at work, and tonight hasn't helped matters."
Nikki was shocked that Helen was being this open...it was the longest sentance she had said all night, normally choosing to answer "yes" or "no" to Nikki and Yvonnes questions.

"Alright, if thats what you want, we can't force you love. But i'd really recommend you go and stay with a friend until we get a bit closer to finding out who this maniac is."

Helen look down shyly before answering. "I don't have any friends...well, none i can seek refuge at." It was a hard thing for Helen to admit, especially to two strangers. Her lack of true friends was something she frequently agonised over. In the big, bad world of fame it was often hard to meet genuine people, who weren't just after you're money, or after the attention that came with being the best buddy of a superstar.

Yvonne looked up at Nikki in surprise mixed with a bit of pity. This poor girl seemed to the world to have it all. Fame, fortune, glamerous lifestyle, a continual string of hunky men...but underneath the newspaper reports of her glitz and glam appeared a very sad, lonely, insecure
woman.

"In that case im assigning you an officer to act as a bodyguard of sorts. Nikki...i want you to stay here and watch over Helen. I want 24 hour security and i'll make sure you're paid accordingly...i'll clear it with the gov'" Both Nikki and Helen's heads shot around to look at
Yvonne...neither liking the idea very much, but in no position to refuse. All either could do was pray this was one case that was solved quickly so they could both get back to their normal lives...but would it be that simple?

Chapter Five


Nikki walked Yvonne to the front door of Helen's apartment, making sure she closed over the pine door to the lounge
so that Helen couldn't hear what she was about to say to her colleague and boss.

"What the hell are you playing at Yvonne! I'm a police officer, not a bloody bodyguard! There are people that charge
for that service, and i ain't one of them. How the hell can i watch over her 24/7...i have a life! Trish is going to go
ballistic when she hears that i'm not gonna be home at all now! I have nothing in common with this woman and yet i have to
spend every waking minute with her" Nikki ran her hand through her well gelled hair and let out an exassperated sigh to
make the point that she was extrememely pissed off.

"Nikki, that poor girl in there is beside herself worry and quite frankly i don't blame her. She was a friend of Karen Betts, the
actress who was killed by a stalker last year, and she knows all too well how little things like razor blades in the post can lead
on to much more dangerous situations. Now, you're my best officer, and the only one i would trust on such a delicate case.
I don't care if you think you and Helen Stewart are complete opposites and bound to clash, as my subordinate you will do as i say."

Nikki for once kept her mouth shut. Yvonne wasn't a woman she liked to cross...often.

"Now, if you don't mind Nikki, i have a Doctor's appointment that i need to get to."

"Not dying i hope?" Nikki and Yvonne both burst into laughter, lightening the mood that at been cast over them.

"I bleedin' hope not...the policemans ball's coming up, and you know i hate to miss a chance to get rat arsed."

"Yeah, well if its anything like last year i'm gonna book you a taxi in advance. I had to hold you up for 40 minutes, while
you vomitted rings around me, waiting on a cab to get you home."

"Don't remind me...i had a hangover that lasted a week...but it was worth it" A sly smile crept over her face.

"So, what's this appointment about then?"

"Just you're run of the mill humilation...smear test."

"Ahhh...that time again huh? I'm glad i've got that over and done with for a while."

"Lucky mare. Right then Nik, a have fun at al the premieres you're gonna be going to, and i'll be in touch. Call me if anything else happens."

Nikki waited a moment fter Yvonne left before going back into the livingroom. She needed time to think, and get her plan of action sorted...this whole situation was going to be an on-going nightmare that she wouldnt be able to wake up from.

Helen Stewart was bound to be a jumped up bitch from hell, flashing her celeb status to get her way. Actresses were all the bloody same.
Trish may not have hit the big time yet, but she had practised her diva routine to perfection...that pouty little look she would give....the one that got on her nerves so much. If Helen was even half as bad as that then she knew there would definately be fireworks between them.


Storming in, ready to set down some ground rules, Nikki found herself taken aback and rendered speechless as she noticed Helen laying peacefully asleep, curled into the foetal position on the couch.

Nikki was renouned for her hard-hearted exterior, but somehow the gentleness of this woman almost broke her heart. The creases of exhaustion and torment on Helen's face had softened and she suddenly looked so serene and beautiful. Nikki wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and protect her...to reach out and touch her baby soft skin...to hold her, embrace her....take away all that pain that was etched on her sullen face.

Yvonne was right, Helen Stewart needed her...maybe this job wouldn't be so bad after all.

Chapter Six


Nikki had fallen asleep in the single arm chair across from Helen once she had checked all the doors
and windows were locked, and bolted securely. She wasn't content to allow herself rest until Helen's
apartment resembled Fort Knox. She was here to do a job, and she would bloody well make sure
she did it right. Absentmindedness ment mistakes, and mistakes cost lives...that was a lesson she
had learnt the hard way.


The silence that engulfed her was now tainted with the noise of glass clinking and water running. The
unwelcomed sounds had broken into a very nice dream and slowly but surely Nikki started to return to
the world of the living.

"Sorry, i didn't mean to wake you. I woke up hours ago and not being able to do anything was driving me
round the twist, so i started cleaning." Helen flashed Nikki a nervous smile, which she returned warily.
This was the first time they had properly spoken to one another, in an unofficial capacity, and neither
really knew what to say.

"Hey, how's the hand?" Nikki reached for Helen's wounded hand and stroked it gentley with her thumb.

"That looks sore...it's cut up pretty badly." Nikki winced slightly.

"I just hope it doesn't scar...i'm going on location in two days and can hardly turn up to shoot a romance
film looking like an extra from "Nightmare on Elm Street" She smiled again, but this time Nikki didn't
mirror her action.

"Location? Where exactly?"

"Mallorca...Palma to be exact. Is that a problem?" Helen couldn't help but notice the frown grow on her
protectors face.

"No, no problem...not for me at least..." Nikki could only imagine the fight this would cause when she told
Trisha.

"Oh, if its going to cause problems maybe someone else could take over...or i could go alone. Its going
to put a few of my co-stars noses out of joint anyway, when i turn up with a bodyguard. I'm sure they have
me down as a diva already as it is." Helen's sad expression made Nikki forget all about Trish and the
inevitable arguement.

"No...i'm going...my girlfriend will just have to deal with it...and as for you're co-stars, forget them. It's your
safety that matters, not what some upstart actor thinks."

"Girlfriend?" Helen almost felt herself blush at her own rhetorical question.

"Yes Helen, Girlfriend. Problem?" Nikki knew she had said it a little too defensively, but she was comfortable
with her sexuality and hated being on the recieving hand of pig ignorant people who weren't.

"No, no problem, just a little taken aback thats all. You just seemed so open..." Helen seemed to shrink
in front of Nikki's eyes.

"Openess isn't something i'm used to. I'm sorry if i offended you, i didn't mean it to sound the way it came out."

Nikki couldnt stay angry long, Helen was too vulnerable to be facing confrontation...that much she had figured
out.

"You're forgiven...on one condition..." Helen looked confused.

"You give me an autograph for my girlfriend...she's a huge fan of yours, thinks the sun shine's out of your arse...
it will probably save me from two black eye's when i fill her in on my new bodyguard duties." the sound of Helen's
infectious laugh made Nikki want to take up stand-up comedy so she could hear that wonderful noise day in -day out.

"It's a deal"



**********************************


The day wore on slowly and neither Nikki nor Helen knew what to do with themselves. Normally both would have been
working long hours, and sitting around with only daytime tv to keep them company was alien to both and boringly mundane.

Helen seemed to flit in and out of sleep as Nikki watched on. The fragile woman laying still, breathing rhythmically was
far more entertaining than "This Morning" Nikki agreed with herself, but it wasn't long before even that became tedious.

Thoughts of Trish and how to break the news came to the forefront of her mind. She ran the scenario over and over in her
head until she had played out all situations. Trish taking it well, Trish going mad, Trish breaking up with her..."Arghhh...
just get it bloody over with Wade, you'll drive yourself crazy thinking about it otherwise." She stood up and walked to the
phone.

"No time like the present," She thought as she dialled home and listened to the ringing in her ear.

"Hello?"

"Trish, its me, Nikki..."

"Yes, i know, and i suppose you're calling to tell me you're having to work late because some big, important case has cropped
up, that you just have to deal with, as no one else is capable of handling it!" Nikki sighed. She was right...Trish was going to
throw a hissy fit.

"Sort of. Listen, you're not going to like this, but i've been assigned to look after someone famous who's seemingly being
stalked, and i can't get out of it. Yvonne want's me to deal with it and she won't back down. It mean's i'm not going to
home for a while..." She waited on Mount Trisha erupting.

"What! How bloody long is "a while"?"

"I'm not sure babes, a week, a month...however long it takes to catch who's behind it."

"And you expect me to still be here when you return? That's just typical of you Nikki...everything always has to be about you.
I never seem to come into the equation, even when i'm involved. Well i've had enough...i don't want to do this Nik, but i have to.
You have to decide...its either me, or some celebrity bitch who can't look after herself..." Nikki looked over at Helen, who right
now was looking like the sure fire winner in getting the lead in "Sleeping Beauty". Trish's ultimatum didn't touch her in the
slightest...there was simply no competiton.

"You do what you have to do Trish. Just make sure you lock the door on your way out."

Chapter Seven


Helen pottered around in her wardrobe, picking out various pieces of clothing which she then placed neatly into a suitcase that lay in the middle of her queen size bed.

The flight to Spain was less than two hours away and to Nikki's amusement Helen wasn't in the slightest bit fazed that she had yet to organize herself with preperations or being away from home for two to three weeks.

"Shouldn't you have done that yesterday?" Helen spun around to see Nikki observing her from the doorway.

"When DCI Atkins asked you to watch over me 24 hours, i don't think she ment it literally!"

"Sorry, i got bored watching Television..."

"And what, you thought you would come and annoy me instead?" Helen kept packing hurriedly as she snapped.

"I didn't realise i was being such an inconvenience...i'll leave you to get on with it shall i!" Nikki started to storm away when Helen stopped her.

"DS Wade, wait, i'm the one who should be sorry, i didn't mean to speak to you like that...i'm just a little stressed. Things are getting a bit on top of me, but that doesn't give me the right to bite your head off...you're only doing your job, and i'm grateful for it. You didn't have to stay here and
look after me. Thanks."

"First of all, appology accepted. Secondly, cut the DS Wade crap, my name's Nikki, and that's what i expect you to call me...and lastly, you're right, i don't have to be here helping you...i want to be here" Nikki watched the beautiful Scot in front of her, and wondered how it was possible to feel so much for a person she barely new, other than what she had read in the press. Helen Stewart was nothing like she imagined she would be. If anything she was the polar opposite of Nikki's expectations. She was sweet, kind, caring, intellegent and wonderfully funny. Her only downside was the fear and insecurity which crept into her eyes periodically when she thought Nikki wasn't looking...but Nikki never missed a beat. Somehow, almost telepathically she could read this womans deepest inner-most thoughts...and they were dark - terrifyingly dark.



*****************************************


At the airport both woman sat at a table in the departure lounge bar, chain-smoking...Nikki with her glass of Coke, and Helen with her fourth vodka on ice, which was swigged back in no time. she promptly made her way through the crowd to get her fifth and final drink before boarding.

"Hey, slow down there George Best...i know i'm supposed to be looking after you, but i don't much fancy having to carry you onto the plane." Nikki sipped her drink and took a bite of her pre-packed ham and cheese sandwich.

"I'm a nervous flyer..i need drink to calm me."

"Nervous flyer? One more vodka and you'll be able to fly yourself to Spain...you'll be as high as a kite!"

"What is this, the fucking spanish inquesition!" Helen slammed her empty glass down and lifted her bag,ready to bolt.

"Helen, calm down, i was just joking around..." Nikki's words fell on deaf ears, Helen was already storming across to the boarding gate.

"Bloody Woman! If she think's i'm going to put up with that pre-menstral bullshit and then chase after her she's got another thing coming!" Nikki sat where she was, stubborn as a bull, but content in the knowledge that she could stay there fuming, while still being able to watch Helen's every movement 30ft away.


Nikki's anger subsided quickly as she grew amused at Helen's actions. She stood in the queue for boarding with her arms crossed tightly across her abdomen, pass in hand, scowl on her face and her foot tapping on the ground impatiently.

"Damn, she's so sexy when she's angry" Nikki thought to herself, knowing fine well that nothing could ever happen between them. She was here to do a job, and work ethics always came first. Then there was Trish to think about. So they had hit a rocky patch, but didnt every relationship? It wasnt anything that couldnt be mended in time with a little TLC, surely? Helen was straight anyway...if all the stories in "The Sun" were anything to go by.

"Still, no harm in looking," And look she did...

The smile on Nikki's face seemed eternal...until she spotted a sight that made her frown instead.

A tall, handsome man approaching Helen...bending down to kiss her on the cheek...his arm going around her waist...

Nikki jumped from her chair, almost forgetting to lift her hand luggage, and raced over to where they stood.

"Helen...who's this..." She tried to keep the anger out of her voice, but she knew it was obvious by the way Helen
glared back at her, not amused at the intrusion on her privacy.

"DS Wade, this is Dominic McCallister...he's working on the film...a fellow actor." Dominic stretched out his hand towards
Nikki, but she didnt accept it, she just looked at it and then back at Helen.

"Miss Stewart, please in future inform me of your whereabouts, what you're doing, and who your doing it with. This situation may just be a game to you, but myself and the metropolitain police force are taking it very seriously!" Before Helen could get a chance to retaliate Nikki had stormed off, fuming with anger. What she was angry about she couldnt quite work out.

Was it Helen's earlier outburst? Or the fact a good-looking man was all over Helen like a rash...Nikki wanted to believe it
was Helen's mood-swing she was raging at, but deep down she knew it was the latter.

Helen Stewart had gotten under her skin and if things carried on the way they were she knew she was going to get hurt.

Chapter Eight


The grounds of the hotel complex looked like paradise. Palm tree's were littered strategically and
the suns rays cast dancing silver sparkles across the several blue swimming pool with the Waiters
sauntered around with their trays of free cocktails and nibbles...Heaven.

2 Hours ago Nikki could have seen this far enough...but now she was glad she didn't just simply walk
out of Gatwick Airport and never look back. Helen Stewart she could handle, if she had these
surroundings to distract herself. All she wanted to do now ws get into her bikini and lounge by
the pool, drink in hand, book and cigarette in the other and the sun to top up her already golden body.
But work was going to put a stop to that. The best she would have to settle for right now was a pair
of shorts and a bottle of water.


Nikki watched on in the background as Jim Fenner rounded up his cast and crew for a pre-shoot
schedule talk-through, that already seemed to be taking too long and her impatience was starting to
get the better of her. It was far too hot to be standing around having a meeting.

It didn't help matters that Dominic choose to stand right next to Helen, and appeared to be so
captivated by her that he never took his eyes off her once to listen to his boss give them the itinerary
for the week ahead.

Jim's droning on was boring her to tears, until she heard Helen's name mentioned and her ears pricked
up.

"Helen, i see you didn't follow my advice...i'll have to see if wardrobe has a couple of sarongs you can hide
that blubber behind."

"Bastard!" Nikki wanted to go over to Jim and knock him square out. Just where did he get off speaking
to people like that. She looked over at Helen, who had turned a deep shade of red, probably more out
of embarrassment than the heat of the sun. In that split second, seeing the torment on Helen's face, Nikki's
anger vanished without trace.

She waited until the crowd of people dispersed and went their seperate ways, then made her way over to where
Helen was still standing with Dominic trying to comfort her.

"Why the hell did you let that man speak to you like that!" Nikki couldnt control her irate tone.

"Like what Nikki...telling me the truth?"

"Now, Helen...don't be like that" Dom tried to stroke her face, but Helen backed away.

"Listen, Dominic is it? Why dont you just piss off...i think i can handle this from here on in, dont you?"

"Why don't you both just piss off! I'm sick of you both constantly watching over me like your my fucking
parents. I didnt need them to protect me, and i certainly don't need either of you to neither!" Helen's voice cracked
with emotion as she quickly made her way back into the hotel lobby, closely followed by a dumbfounded yet
angry Nikki.

"Helen....HELEN! Slow down now, thats a command!"

"Fuck you Nikki, and fuck your commands...i'm not one of your constables who you can order around! I told
you, i don't need you here...just go home!"

Helen made her way into the elevator as the the doors began to shut. Nikki unprepared to let it go stuck her hand
between the gap and the doors slid open again, giving her room to jump inside before it ascended upwards.

"So you don't care what happens to you then! The razor blades in that envelope were only a warning...next time
it could be serious...what if you get raped...or worse, murdered!"

"Good! I couldn't care less Nikki! I'd be out of my misery if that were the case!"

"Out of your misery? You know Helen, i never took you for a self-orbiting, self-absorbed, selfish bitch! Do you
think Karen Betts was wishing she was out of her misery as she was getting her throat slit while she was brutally
raped? Do you know what it was like to find her body, laying on the bathroom floor, like a fucking bloodstained
ragdoll! Eh? DO YOU!" Helen's tears had stopped and she watched Nikki rant in shock.

"You knew Karen?"

"I was sent to look after her, after she "fired" one of the other officers. She was just like you, didn't think
she warrented 24 hour protection...wanted her bloody freedom...well she got it...she was dead by the time
i got there! 20 minutes alone and the bastard got her. I won't let the same thing happen to you! Whether
you like it or not, im here to stay so get used to it" Just then the doors opened and Nikki exited to her room,
slamming the door behind her.

Helen looked at the slammed door until the doors of the lift shut over to block her vision and started to redescend
back to the lobby, where she headed straight for the bar. Her body cried out for a drink to drown out her sorrows.
If Nikki couldn't help then Vodka would.

Chapter Nine


The bar was exactly where Nikki knew she would find Helen, 10 minutes after their arguement.
She had slammed the door to the room, sat on her bed, screamed through gritted teeth, washed
her face, and then made her way back down to the lobby, once she felt she had calmed down enough
to have a compossed, adult conversation, with no shouting and bitchy name calling.


Helen had her head stuck in a bottle of spains finest Vodka when Nikki arrived at the table, where
Helen was seated alone. Helen knew exactly who was casting a shadow over her and didn't bother to
look up, or greet her guest. To say she was upset was an understatement.

The two day's spent with Nikki watching over her at home hadn't been as monotonous as she had
first expected...in fact she had enjoyed it so much she wondered how she would ever be able to
do without her once this awful stalker business was put to rest.
Her life was lonely and dark, but with Nikki for company the sun seemed to shine that bit brighter.

"Helen, listen to me. If this arrangement is going to work the two of us can't be at each others throats,
having screaming matches in hotel lobbies. We need to work together, as a team."

"Excuse me DS Wade, but if im not mistaken it was you at my throat, and it was you doing all the
dramatic screaming. I had bloody good right to say what i said to you...how dare you speak to me
in front of anyone like that. Do yo know how humiliating that was, to be treated like a 5 year old
with my colleagues listening, twice in two minutes? And as for me not caring about my safety...
do you really want to know how i feel? Do you? Well im scared shitless! There, you happy now?
You've cracked the ice queens cold exterior and she's absolutely petrified!" Helen pulled back her
seat and made to leave, not forgetting her bottle.

"Helen, please, wait. Don't leave like that. Let me say something before you decide if you want to
leave." Helen hesitated for a split second before replacing herself back down.

"I never ment to treat you like a 5 year old, and i certainly never meant to humiliate you. That was the
last thing i wanted...i saw how embarrassed you looked when Jim said those things to you. I just lost
it...believe it or not, i care about you, i'm just hot-headed, and sometimes i say things without thinking."
Nikki looked down at the table, unable to make eye contact after her revelations.

"There, we've both revealed weak spots in our personalitys...bet you don't feel so bad now?" Nikki's lips
curled into a smile, and Helen couldn't help but join in.

"How do you do it Nikki?"

"Do what?"

"Get me to open up? I never tell anyone anything! Not even my Dad knows anything about me."

"Well, for a start, its because i'm so damn cute, i look as though you can trust me"

"Awfully sure of yourself arent't you?" Helen couldnt resist smirking while thinking just how spot on
Nikki actually was, despite her trying to be facetious.

"It's just another one of my flaws...and if we're playin this tit-for-tat game, you owe me another one of yours."

"I'll save that for after another arguement...its much more exciting that way." The laughing of both women
echoed around the marble room.

"Friends?"

"Friends!" Their hands touched across the table as they made their pact...both wishing it would end in much,
much more.

Chapter Ten



"Thank you for a wonderful evening Nikki, you've been great company. It sure beats sitting bored, listening to a bunch of lovey-thespians drone on about the newest Pinter production."

"Yeah, but instead you had a lovey-lesbian, droning on about the police force,"

"You did go on a bit..."

"Hey!" Nikki feined a hurt look, crossing her arms tightly around herself, she gave Helen Puppy dog eyes.

"Aww, is the poor baby feeling sorry for herself?" Helen smiled, her tongue sexily protruding against her teeth.

"I am actually! It's not often i get a beautiful woman tell me i'm boring" Helen's smile instantly faded.

"Well...I'm off to bed, night Nikki," Nikki couldn't help but look taken-aback...Helen had quickly put a stop to their playfulness and she didn't understand why. Had it been her comment about her being beautiful? Was Helen hung up on the fact Nikki was a Lesbian, scared to hear a compliment
from her in case she pounced? Now Nikki really did feel hurt.

"Ok, Night Helen," Nikki leaned in for a hug, but felt Helen stiffen rigidly in her arms, much to her ire.

"Helen, don't worry, i'm not going to try and stick my tongue down your throat! It was a hug between friends, not a come-on."

"I wasn't thinki..."

"Save it for someone who gives a shit Helen...like you said, it's been a great evening, but it's time it was over."

"Nik..."

"Leave it, i don't have the energy to fight with you anymore," Nikki fiddled with the keycard while she tried desperately to open the door as calmly as she could. She wouldn't give Helen bloody Stewart the satisfaction of seeing her upset.

"Damn!" Nikki gave the bottom on the heavy wooden door a swift kick as she battled on.

"Here, let me..." Helen reached out to take the key off of Nikki, but instead their hands glided across one another, softly and sensually. Both paused for a moment of contemplation before Nikki abruptly retracted her hand and pushed on the door, which, this time, opened with ease.

Before Helen got into the room Nikki had already lifted her Pyjamas and made her way to the bathroom, where like normal, she slammed the door for effect. That banging noise, which normally made Helen jump out of her skin now made no impact...she was too damn used to it.


Forlornly, Helen slipped into her nightclothes and slid into her own double bed, that was seperated from Nikki's by only a sparse bedside table that housed a single telephone, pad of paper with pen and an ashtray which already was almost filled to capacity.

She closed over her eyes and reached out to turn off her wall mounted lamp with a single flick of the switch. She didn't want Nikki to see the tears running down her cheeks, when she finally emerged from the toilet.

How had things got this bad? That bad that she felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders...grinding her down, into a bottomless pit of depression where she felt like life was no longer worth living.

A cataclysmic turn of events had led her into a bad place. Starting with the mental and physical abuse she had to endure from her ex-fiance, Sean Parr. A relationship that left her drained, and half the woman she used to be...all the confidence she ever had had literarally been knocked out of her.

It had all started when she did her first film...a film she never expected to go anywhere, except straight to video, had skyrocketed her into the big time. there was no where she could go in the world without being recognised...a fact that made Sean seath with Jealousy. He was supposed to be the famous one, while Helen was supposed to be eye candy...some bit-part actress he could flaunt at fancy celebrity do's and be proud of. Not a national institution in her own right.

She thought back to the pain he inflicted...a small slap here and there when he was frustrated, that eventully turned into something more severe. She was his punch bag, physically and emotionally.

Her shoulders shuddered from crying as the memory of his words stung at her.

"You're worthless, good-for-nothing. You're fat and ugly with no talent...no one is ever going to want you."

She tried desperatley to supress the sounds of her sobbing as she heard the bathroom door open and close, as Nikki appeared in the room to get into her bed.


She waited patiently until she heard Nikki's breathing deepen...a sure sign she was asleep, and she made her way into the toilet.

Nikki opened her eyes and watched Helen's back as she got herself out of bed...

With her 20 minutes alone preparing for sleep in the bathroom, she had time to re-evalute tonights situation
and she couldn't help but feel in the wrong. Who was she to judge how Helen reacted to a hug...not everyone was tactile, and she had the feeling that had she been a man Helen would have still stiffened in her arms. It wasn't about her being gay at all, but yet again she knew she had jumped to conclusions long before she had the full story.

"When she comes back to bed i'll appologise...again..." She thought guiltily to herself.


She ran her appology speech through her head a hundred times, altering it to perfection, thinking of something
less damning to say each time... and when Helen hadn't returned by the time she had perfected it she began to worry.

"Whats keeping her..." She decided to go and investigte, knowing fine well it could end in a screaming match about her possssiveness if it turned out Helen was just peeing....but she wasn't.

The sight that greeted Nikki made her feel sick to the stomach...

Chapter Eleven


Nikki felt her stomach lurch at the sight that greeted her.

"Helen? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Mmm...i just felt a bit sick..." Helen wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and got off her knees to stand up straight, despite her shaking legs. She flushed the toilet and closed over it's lid, all without making eye contact with Nikki, who stood silently, trying to figure out if Helen was ill, or if there was some other underlying cause to her vomiting.


"Stop staring at me Nikki...i was a little bit sick, ok. I've just had too much sun today." Helen picked up her toothbrush and proceeded to freshen up her mouth.

"More like a little bit too much Vodka, if you ask me."

"Well no one bloody asked you, so butt out...you keep poking you're nose into my life, and it's none of you're God damned business! It's perfectly normal for a person to get sick you know" She couldn't help but feel guilty, lying to Nikki like this, but no one, not even the one person she had come to trust could know what was going on in her head. She couldn't deal with the shame of admiting who she was and what she had become.

"But your "sickness" isn't normal though Helen, is it?" Nikki didn't wait for Helen to argue with her. She made her way back into the room, where she had time to think. Helen could deny it all she liked, but Nikki knew something was going on here, and she was going to get to the bottom of it...before Helen really did make herself ill.



~~~****~~~

The small sandy beach in the cosmopolitain district of Cala Mayor, just east of Palma, was absolutely magnificent, with it's fine white sands and crystal blue waters. Nikki couldn't believe how at peace she felt looking out onto the coastline, despite how stressed she felt inside.

For nearly a week now Helen Stewart had dominated her life and every waking thought she had, to the point where she could hardly stand to be in the same room as her. When Helen was good, she was great...but when one of her mood-swings ensued it was sheer torture to be near her....and today was one of those days. Helen hadn't spoken a word since the previous evening, and it did'nt look like she would any time soon, so Nikki decided to take off to the small thatched roof bar at the end of the beach to get a drink for
herself and a few of the cast, who were slowly burning out due to the heat.


"The sun's getting a bit much Jim...any chance of a break?" Dominic exhaustedly wiped the sweat from his soaked brow. It was mid-day, and the temperature was rapidly soaring into the 90's...far to warm to be doing take, after take of a beach scene that seemed to be going on forever. The cast and crew were slowly dying off...but Jim was being his usual, unsympathetic self. He felt like rest himself, but decided to cut his nose off to spite his face.

"No, we can't take a bleedin' break...break's cost money, money we don't have. We're already over budget as it is...so unless you want the time docked from your wages, i suggest you wait on that dykey police officer getting back with water. Now, Helen, i want you to get down to your bikini and lie down on that sunlounger. Shell, love...go ask someone in props to get me a book and a set of sunglasses."

"Why do i have to bleedin' go...i'm you're PA, not you're bleedin servant!" Shell Dockley sat on a sand dune, wearing a skimpy, almost transparent two-piece that would have made Peter Stringfellow blush.

"Listen you arrogant bitch, if you don't wanna be on the next flight back to London you'll do as i bloody-well say. Now move it!" Shell lifted her middle finger and shoved it in Jim's face as she sauntered as slowly as she could towards the props winnebago.

"Take 31..and action." Jim instantly threw down the clapper board and screamed, "CUT". His patience was being tested from all ends and he wasn't in the slightest bit amused.

"Helen, get those T-shirt and shorts off now...i need you in a swimsuit for the scene to work. Don't start getting shy on me now love...you can be replaced you know! This is your last warning, then you can kiss goodbye to that BAFTA nomination!"

"Jim, Dominic's right...it's far too warm...i don't feel so good." Helen sat down on the hot, white plastic beach seat, which burned at the backs of her legs, until her skin became used to the awkward warmth.

"Don't give me that bullshit! You think i haven't heard that excuse before...some actress trying to get out of filming so she can go do lunch with her yuppie friends...well, i've told you before, lunch is the last thing you need. Get stripped!"

"I can't!" Helen shook her head fiercely, panic rising in her stomach and tears falling from her eyes.

"Oh, you can, and you will...Helen, don't make me come over there! I'll bloody strip you myself if i have to!"

"Please, Jim, just give me 10 minutes..." A sob escaped from the back of her throat as she grabbed tightly onto her t-shirt, which Jim now had grasped in his hands, trying to pull it over her head.

She fought with all her might, but Fenner was just too strong for her. Within seconds the white top was discarded on the sand, roughly yanked from Helen's torso, leaving her in a small white bikini top that she tried desperately to cover, to maintain her modesty.


Her mind span out of control as the oxygen drained from her body. She fought for breath, but it was no good - her brain and her lungs felt like they were about to burst like over inflated balloons. She clutched at her chest in panic, fearing she was about to die. Everything around her went in slow motion, and voices sounded like they were echoing from deep underwater.

The terror was etched on her face...her skin was turning blue and her eyes bulged disturbingly from their sockets. Silently she screamed for help, her hands in the air, reaching for Nikki, as she fell to her knees.

The last thing she remembered before her world went black was the sweet taste of Nikki's lips as they gently rested over her own.

Chapter Twelve


The hotel bedroom was in stark comparison to the outside of the complex. For one it was cool...the breeze swayed the net curtain that hung the length of the double doors out to the balcony, giving the room a gentle, comforting air.

"Will she be alright? Nikki sat by Helen's bedside as she lay asleep...the days event's haven taken its toll.

"She'll be fine, as long as she rests. As far as i can tell she's been under a lot of stress, and the panic attack she had downstairs hasn't helped her any. Also her blood sugar is extremely low, i don't think she's been eating properly...if you can keep an eye on her food intake...make sure she has at least three small meals a day...and she'll be as right as rain"
The film company's Doctor gave Helen's blood pressure one final check while he tried to reasure Nikki everything would be ok...although she wasn't entirely convinced.

"When she wakes up try and speak to her, see if anything is troubling her...in most cases of hyperventilation the patient is deeply anxious about something in their life, and it often helps to talk it over with a friend." Doctor Watts meant well, but Nikki couldn't see how she could get Helen to open up to her. She had severely repressed whatever it was that had made her go over the deep end, and it would take more than a friendly chat to get Helen to sort herself out.

Seeing Helen fight for breath on the beach had terrified Nikki beyond comprehension. She had never known fear like it...not even in her years in the police force had she felt the adreneline pump around her body at such an alarming rate. Even now she couldn't help but feel a deep anguish at the helplessness she felt as she tried to aid Helen on the beach, to no avail.

"If only i hadn't gone off in a strop...if i had stayed by her side, like i was supposed to..." Nikki knew cutting herself up over it wouldn't make anything any better for anyone, but she couldn't stop herself. The only thing she could do was make a promise to herself that she would be right by Helen's side from now on, no matter how tough things got...and things were about to get much tougher.



One hour previous


Nikki waited patiently at the beach bar, while the tender bagged the bottles of water she had unselfishly agreed to buy, on behalf of the cast and crew who were struggling under the Spannish mid-day sun.

She wasn't too bothered at having to play runner...it meant she could get away from Helen for a while they weren't exactly on speaking terms, giving both a break from the tension that was building up and threatening to erupt at any second.

As the plain plastic carrier bag was handed to her she heard a commotion ringing out audaciously from the right..."just some kids having fun" she let the initial worry leave her mind...but as she neared the makeshift set she began to panic.

A crowd had formed in a circle around the space where Helen had been sitting when Nikki had left her in a mood.

"Helen!!" Nikki dropped the bags of water and started to sprint along the beach, trying not to lose her footing amongst the sand dunes that were built up around her. Her legs ached as they tried to pick up speed...running towards Helen like her life depended on it.

"Get out of the way!!" Pulling people out of the way she slowed down and sat panting next to a terrified looking Helen.

"Breath sweetheart...breath...Helen listen to me...slow down your breathing...don't panic..." Nikki knew Helen was too dazed to hear her, but she had to try and calm her down.

"What the hell's happened here!?" Nikki had vehement anger written all over her face as she addressed the silent, gob-smacked crowd.

"She just collapsed...crying and mumbling something, grabbing at her chest...she and Jim had some words..." Dominic watched dumbfounded as Nikki glared menacingly at Fenner, looking for an explanation, which never came.

"Doc's on his way..." Shell couldn't have looked less concerned if she tried...blowing a large bubble from her gum as she stood, hands on hips, looking everywhere except at Helen.

"Helen, the Doctor's coming darlin', just keep breathing until he gets here..." Nikki may have looked compossed, but her stomach was in knots. She was absolutely powerless to help, other than the few reassuring words she whispered softly next to Helen's ear.

"Where the bloody hell is the Doctor coming from...Timbuk-fucking-to?!" Nikki's calm exterior was begining to slip rapidly as her own panic began to rise.

Se took her eyes off Helen for two seconds, to look across questioningly at Shell, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Helen slide in slow motion to her knees, falling from the chair she was seated in, on to the roasting sand, her skin turning blue beneath the startings on a golden tan.

"Helen...Helen!" Nikki checked the pulse in her neck to find it still beating away, albeit faintly.

"Shit..." As quickly as she could she let her lips meet Helen's, gently pulling on her lower jaw to widen the gap, exchanging the much needed oxygen Helen desperately required. Gasping she came up for air, before leaning back in towards Helen's mouth to expel the air.

She fought for focus...now was no time to be thinking of how delicious Helen tasted, or how soft but voluptious the womans lips were...Helen was in dire need of medical assistance...but she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Helen were awake and responding...

She felt a familiar twinge between her legs...if Helen could make her feel like this when she was unconsious...she shook the thought from her mind as the Doctor pushed her to one side and clasped an oxygen mask over Helen's white face.


Hotel Bedroom


Nikki broke free from her silent reverie as she felt the bed next to her begin to ruffle.

"Nikki...where am i?" Helen sat up sharply, dazed and slightly confused at her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was Jim Fenner striding towards her and pulling at her clothes.

"You're back in the hotel suite...you had a little bit of a funny turn on the beach..." Nikki decided to spare Helen the full details until her mind and body were fit enough to digest them.

"I fainted?"

"Sort of...listen, don't worry about it, get some rest." Nikki stood up, but stopped as Helen grabbed her wrist.

"Nikki, don't leave me...please..." Nikki could feel Helen's hand shake unsteadily over her own.

"I wasn't going anywhere...i'm never going to leave you alone again..." She gave an embarrassed cough as she realised how her statement sounded.

"As long as im assigned to look after you i mean..." Helen nodded...dissapointed at the sudden realisation that one day soon Nikki wade would have to leave her. The thought was almost enough to bring about another panic attack...

So for now she would have to make the most of their time together.

She patted the empty side of the bed beside her, motioning Nikki to get that bit closer to her, and when she did, Helen snuggled back down under the duvet and curled herself into Nikki's body, which was still outside of the covers. Her hand barely touched Nikki's side, but she could still feel the heat eminating from her hot torso.

She could get very used to this she thought with a smile as she drifted back off into a wonderful dream filled sleep.

Chapter Thirteen


It was a little under an hour after she had fallen asleep that Helen woke up...to an empty bed. The warmth of Nikki was now gone, and left to wonder if Nikki had been laying next to her earlier at all, or if it had all been nothing more than a very pleasent dream.

"Hey...good to see you awake." Nikki stood in the bathroom doorway, in an azure blue swimming costume, complete with matching sarong and thong sandals.

"I thought you had left..." Helen knew she had made that statement sound more forlorn that she had intended too, but somehow she didn't care if she hid the dissapointment in her voice or not.

"No, i was just getting changed into my swimming cossie...Dominic came up earlier while you were asleep, to check you were ok, and he mentioned Jim had organised a beach party for tonight. I thought, if you were feeling up to it we could go...get you out of this stuffy hotel room for a bit."

"Mmm, sounds like fun...pity it's Jim's party...it would be a damn site more enjoyable if he wasn't going to be there, with his sidekick, Shell, in tow."

"Yeah, well, let's just avoid them like the plague and have a good night with the others." Nikki stretched her arms in the air and popped a tight white t-shirt over her head, pulling it down to encase her curves, which Helen couldn't help but notice. She found herself staring a little longer
than she should have, a fact not missed by Nikki, who chose to ignore Helen's seeming admiration of her body, putting it down to straight womans syndrome - the need to check out other females to see what they have that you don't.


Helen felt herself blush, but still didn't tear her eyes away. At first she had allowed herself to gawp at Nikki, feeling more than envious of the woman in front of her. Her body was as near to perfection as she imagined you could get, and the way she carried herself...full of confidence, without having an air of arrogance that said "I love myself," But as the jealousy ebbed away another emotion took its place...lust.


"Earth to Helen..." Nikki smirked as she waved her hand in front of Helen's face.

"Oh, sorry...was off in a world of my own...did you say something?"

"I was asking you if you felt better, and if you wanted to go to the party, because if you didn't i was going to go get us something to eat from the restaurant and bring it back to the room."

"Oh, right, yeah, i feel much better now. I actually think some fun on the beach would do me the world of good. I'll get dressed." She swung her legs out of the bed and for th firs time looked down at herself. All she had on was her bikini from earlier...someone having stripped her of her clothing, obviously to get her temperature down. Her embarassment from before was nothing compared to how she felt now...completely mortified about summed it up.

Se tried in vane to cover her mid-section, praying Nikki wasn't looking in her direction, which she was.

"Helen, you don't have to be shy, i've seen it all before remember..." Helen gave her a doe eyed stare.

"Not because i'm gay, because i'm a woman too, i have all the same parts."

"Maybe, but your parts are much more toned than mine..." The comment made Nikki look down at her washboard stomach and then over to Helen's, which didn't, to her, look all that different from her own. Ok, so it wasn't as flat, or toned...but she liked that curvy, voluptious look that Helen wore so well. In fact, she liked it a bit too much.

"Helen, i don't know why you seem to feel so insecure about how you look, but i just want to say, from your eyes you may not think you are anything special, but from mine..." Nikki walked slowly towards Helen, who was still sat at the end of the bed, and knelt down before her, taking her hand in her own.

"you look like the most beautiful woman i've ever had the pleasure to be friends with,"

Helen shook her head with tears in her eyes. She wanted so much to believe every word that Nikki was saying, but the years of abuse she had had to endure had knocked all the self-confidence she had out of her, until she was winded of ego.

"You don't know how gorgeous you are do you Helen? Well let me tell you. Your hair shines like a thousand suns, casting a shadow of a golden aura around you...your eyes shine like a thousand stars twinkling in the darkness of dusk...your smile lights up my heart and makes it beat faster...your voice is like silk, running across my skin, tickling me with every word spoken...Helen Stewart, no woman in this world will ever compare to you...it's the only thing in life i've ever been sure about." Nikki's hand ran along the length of Helen's face as she described each feature as she saw it, gently wiping away the tiny teardrops as she edged downwards to Helen's neck. She leaned in slowly, never taking her eyes away from Helen's, they each held the stare of passion that cried out to be remedeed.

Helen felt her barriers drop for a split second as she felt brainwashed by Nikki's genuine words of love...but not for long.

"We can't turn up late..." Helen pulled herself away from Nikki's warm embrace and made for the wardrobe without looking back. She couldn't...if Nikki could see her eyes she would know how much she wanted to return to that bed and finish what Nikki was about to start...but she was shaken to the core.

So many people had said things like that before to get her into bed, and she usually fell for it, but not this time, no matter how much she wanted it. No one was capable of loving her...how could they when she looked like she did? She was fat and ugly...unworthy of love...wasn't that how Sean and her father had put it? The only thing she could put her trust in was a bottle of booze...her true saviour.

Chapter Fourteen


The beach party was in full swing when Nikki and Helen arrived. They had appeared together, but out in the 20 degree warmth of night the air around them was decidedly frosty. Neither had spoken a word to the other since Nikki, in a round-about way, had told Helen of her feelings for her.

The tension could have been cut with a knife, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Great, officer Wade and her dykey sidekick have just showed up...who the bleedin hell told them you were throwin' a party!" Shell Dockley, as ever, mutton dressed as lamb, and attached to the hip of on/off "lover", Jim Fenner. Glaring she threw him daggers, certain it was all his fault.

"Don't bloody blame me...i didn't invite them! Anyway, looks as though Juliet and Juliet have 'ad a bit of a fallin' out." Jim smirked knowingly...he knew a lovers tiff when he saw one.

"What makes ya say that?" Shell took a very unlady like swig from her wine glass that was filled to the brim with a Bacardi Breezer instead of the Moet that was being handed around by spanish waiters in causal, but smart attire.

"Cause both of them have a face like a wet weekend in Blackpool, that's why."

"Yeah, pity though...it's no fun pissin' someone off when they've already 'ad their tits slapped," Shell looked dissapointed to say the least. Not getting to stir things between the two women she despised the most felt like she has just lost a winning lottery ticket.

"That's were you're wrong darlin'...it's even more fun that way...just you wait and see."



**************


Nikki could not believe how humilated and rejected she felt. "You did it again Wade, fell for a straight girl, told her exactly how you feel and got a slap in the face as a result. Nice one!" She chided herself harshly, realising that any chance she may have had at least a friendship with Helen was now well and truely wasted. She grabbed a glass of wine from the large round tray on a table especially laid out for the ocassion and threw it down her throat. The bitter, dry taste made her face screw up in disgust. How was it, she wondered, that expensive champagne always tasted like stale urine. Not that it really mattered...right now anything with a
percent would do. She knew she shouldn't be drinking when she was technically on duty, but she had to do something to get Helen Stewart out of her mind, and getting drunk was the perfect remedy.

Helen on the other couldn't get Nikki's words to leave her mind, no matter how much she tried to block it, they kept repeating, over and over, like a cracked record.

She grasped her hands into fists at her side. How did Nikki Wade manage to bring about so many emotions inside her. Hate, love, longing, lust, anger...a dangerous mixture that was sure to cause a harmful explosion.

This was all Nikki's fault! No...she shook her head. As much as she wanted to pass the buck and put all this tension down to the other woman, she knew deep down that the root cause was all her own doing.

It was her own stupid fault. Her own insecurities had caused her to pull back from love on many an occasion, and this time was no different...if anything it was worse. Her paranoia's were increasing with each day that passed and she knew herself that she was almost beyond help. She wanted so much to scream from the rooftops for help...for someone to take all these dark thoughts that plagued her day and night away, but no matter how desperate she felt inside she could not reach out. The light at the end of her tunnel was burning away, sucking her into the darkness. Pretty soon it would be too late for her to even help herself.


*******************************



Nikki sat herself down on the one sunlounger that wasn't covered by a large beach towel and eagerly watched the crowd of people around her. Some were dancing, others lolled around on the sand laughing and drinking, while the majority mingled around their friends, engaging in polite chit chat.

She laughed inwardly, knowing this scene wouldn't last much longer. Ever beach party she had ever attended had always started out this way, tame, soon turning into wild, raucious antics that everyone regretted in the morning.

"I give it an hour," She chuckled, hoping that Helen would want to go home long before that and she would have to follow. No longer in the mood to have fun she continued to quietyly people watch from a distance...her gaze scanning over the crowd until her eyes fell on Helen, who was laughing merrily while she sat on the sand next to Dominic.

Jealousy seethed away in Nikki. Did Dominic realise how god-damn lucky he was to have such a gorgeous woman by his side, smiling longingly at him, touching him gently on the arm while he spoke. How she wished it was herself that was over there, being the focus of Helen's undivided attention. A sadness tugged away at her heart, tears welled in her eyes, but she immediately sniffed them back. She refused to cry over a woman who wasn't in the slightest bit interested in anything more than causing heartache..



Helen painted on a smile, which didn't quite meet her eyes as Dominic droned on, and on about his antics at various London nightclubs and the famous women he had managed to bed afterwards. She wondered if this was some ploy to impress her, because of it was it wasn't having the desired effect...it was almost painfully embarrassing to listen to, but Dominic couldn't see that she wasn't interested.

She snuck a quick look down at her watch while he wasn't looking. 10.26pm. She inwardly rolled her eyes, regretting agreeing to this night out, which was dragging by angonisingly slowly.

Her brain wandered to thoughts of Nikki, and Dominic soon became nothing but a moving mouth.

"This would be a hundred times better if she was here right now..." Her head began to scan the 360 degrees around her, bypassing anyone who didn't fit Nikki's description. Then, as if instinctivly,she looked over to her right, and there, next to the bar sat the dark haired beauty.

Her breath almost caught in her throat as she took a sharp inhalation of warm air. Their eyes momentarily met, before Nikki dragged hers away, in a look of absolute disgust, which
in all honsty she didn't mean to appear so harsh...she just couldn't help her feelings.

Helen's heart sunk quicker than the Titanic. "She hates me! I've made her hate me!" Tears threatened to cascade from the corners of her sad eyes, until Dominic touching her arm gently brought her back to reality.

"Helen, this is Zandra Plackett...she arrived on the island this afternoon while you were sick...she's the new stunt co-ordinator, and your body double. Jim suggested she be brought in to do the more dangerous scenes on your behalf, what with you not feeling so great..."

Helen vaguely remembered putting her hand out to greet the petite blonde woman, but was too caught up on eyeing the strangers body to be sure.

This woman was tiny...a size 6 at most...and she was her body double? Helen instantly felt man mountin next to her and unconsiously began to cover her own torso behind her arms to hide the non-exsistant rolls of flab she was adamant hung there like saddle bags.

"Cut the small talk Dom', got any gear? Twatting twats at customs were being extra vigilant...i had to dump the stuff i'd crotched down the bogs at Gatwick." Zandra clearly didn't care if her colleagues knew about her drug habit, as long as she was getting some kind of hit. Dominic on the other hand felt his body stiffen in shock at her openess. Both Zandra and Helen knew about his own habit, but knowing how Helen felt about drug use...she was sure
to go ballistic...but to his extreme surprise she didn't as much as flinch.

"I've only got Coke Zan'..." Dominic hated admiting it in front of Helen, especially since she had made her feelings clear about wanting to remain in the dark about his drug use. He watched her intently, while he answered Zan, for a negative reaction, but it was like Helen hadn't heard a thing he had said. Maybe she would have, he thought, if she could tear her eyes away from Zandra. Warily, he tried to alert
Zandra with is eyes that Helen wasn't the best person to be discussing this in front of, but she stubbornly ignored his actions. If this stuck up bitch had a problem with what she had to say then she should just piss off out of earshot.

"That'll do nicely mate, thanks. Haven't 'ad Coke in a while...twatting dealer on my last film was a pill freak. The whole cast was rattling. Anyway, i could be doing with a different buzz, and the good thing about coke is it keeps the old weight down. I might be able to get back into my
bleedin' size 6 jeans again after this...i was eatin' like a pig on those valli's..." Helens ears pricked up instantaniously at the mention of weight loss. Maybe this was just what she needed to help her lose those few extra pounds Jim was on her back about. She pictured a more svelte Helen...a happy, thin Helen and her mind was made up for her.

"Dominic...can i try some too...but not here..."

Chapter Fifthteen



Dominic couldn't believe his ears. Only a week ago Helen had been adamant that she had never and would never touch drugs of any kind...she had spoke about it with such venom in her voice that he had felt disgusted in himself for indulgining in the occassional line of cocaine. Now, here she was, ready to experiment without even a second thought or look of aprehension.

"Eh, sure, Helen, but..."

"Look, i know what i said last week, but that was then, and this is now...so can i, or can't i have some? I'll pay you if that's what you're worried about!" Helen was begining to become antsy, wringing her sweating palms together, like a nervous habit.

"You don't have to pay me, but are you really sure you want to be doing this? You said it yourself, it's a never ending spiral getting caught up in drugs."

"Dominic, please don't give me that bullshit...i have three words for you...pot, kettle and black! Anyway, it's about time i let myself go and have a bit of fun for a change. I'm sick of being so bloody uptight...my hair's coming down and the Helen Stewart of old is, as of this moment, dead."

Where she was finding this new found courage and lust for life she didn't know, but something deep inside her was spurring her on...the idea of her demons disappearing with the help of a little bag of white powder...the answer to all her problems in one go. She would lose weight, she would be thin and fabulous...and it would block out all those painful memories that ached away in her heart.

"Fine, but don't blame me when things go pear shaped..." Dominic didn't understand why he was agreeing to this, he was a user, not a dealer. But if this was what Helen wanted how could he refuse her...and maybe if they both began to indulge in a little recreational use it would bring them closer together. With that thought entering his brain he needed no further persuassion.


"Nothing's going to go wrong Dom'...now hurry up before the novelty wears off me."


"Ok. Both of you meet me over by the beach huts in two minutes...make sure no one see's you."




**********************************************


As Nikki's eyes locked with Helen's she felt a rush of emotions she had never before experienced. Helen looked so needy, so lost and sad with it. Her dull green eyes begged for help, but what could she do? Nothing. Not when Helen kept on backing away every time she tried to get a little bit closer
to her.

It was almost like a game Helen needed to play. Reel Nikki in, and just as she gets close enough, push her away. Well, Nikki didn't play games. She liked confrontation, openess...God, she even liked full-blown, heated arguements...as long as the truth was laid out for her on the table. Keeping the cards close to your chest was never her style...and that was exactly what Helen was doing.


She drew her own gaze away sternly, uncaring of how harsh she was being. Helen had to know that she wasn't to be toyed with and this was possibly the only way to get the message across. She had tried the nicey-nicey approach, and that didn't seem to work, so now all guns were blazing.

She remained seated on the sun lounger, but her eyes drifted down to the yellow grains of sand, her mind lost in thought.

"Women.." She thought exhasperatedly. How was it possible to love them and despise them all at the same time. When she looked back, women had given her some of the best, and worst experiences of her life. Her first relationship at the age of 17...the supposed love of her life, that in effect ruined her late teenage years. Trisha...her first proper adult relationship away from the
one night stands she had revelled in, in her early twenties...a woman with whom she now lived, a woman who she tolerated, beacause she felt she had to, a woman how she had truly believed she loved...until she had met Helen.

"Helen..." She gave an audacious sigh of exhaustion. Every thought these days ended up going full circle and coming back to the blonde actress who had stolen her heart and put it in a grinder.

She looked up again, momentarily, just to catch another glimpse of the beauty that was driving her insane...but where Helen once sat was now just an empty patch of beach.

The forlorness disappeared and her brain shot to full alert.

"The bloody idiot! Does that woman never listen to a word i say! I tell her not to go off on her own, or even with people she thinks she can trust...but does she listen? Does she hell!" Nikki ran her hands through her hair as she tried to fathom where Helen would have gone, but as she began to
stand up to go in hot pursuit of the woman with a death wish she felt a hand gently graze her shoulder.

"Hiya, Nikki..."

Nikki span around, her eyes bulging at the shock of the woman standing before her. This was the last sight she expected to greet her.

"What the...Trisha?"

Chapter Sixteen


“What the…Trisha?” Nikki couldn’t have looked more gobsmacked if she tried. So the old saying was true then, she thought. Talk about the devil and he turns up…in the form of a pouty blonde actress.

“You don’t look pleased to see me Nik.” Trisha batted her eyelids flirtatiously, licking her lips, in a blatant attempt to get back on Nikki’s good side, using only her powers of seduction…it had never failed her before…until now.

“Maybe that’s because I’m not pleased. What the hell do you think you’re doing Trish, turning up here like this. I’m out here working…and if you haven’t forgotten, you were leaving me last week…what’s changed?”

“Oh, Nik, don’t be so moody. I was upset last week, when you called to say you wouldn’t be home…how do you expect me to react? I love you hon’ and I miss you when you’re not there. I should never have given you an ultimatum, I know you’re job means the world to you…more than I do. Can’t a girl be a little jealous some times?” There it was, yet again, the pouted lip with the whiney little voice that grated on Nikki’s nerves.

“There’s jealous Trish, then there’s possessive. You’ve managed again to cross a line. I’m out here trying to do my bloody job and here you are, trying to muscle in to get my attention. I suppose the idea of this as a holiday for you is a bonus? Well, let me tell you this straight…all my attention this week is going to be focused in Helen Stewart, and keeping her safe.”

“Helen Stewart? Oh, My, God…Nik! You never told me it was Helen you were taking care of…you know how much I love her! She’s the reason I quit modelling and went into acting! So she’s the lead in this movie then? Oh, Nik, I’m so excited. I’m going to be in the same film as Helen Stewart!” Trisha jumped feverishly up and down, clapping her hands animatedly, while Nikki’s mind whirled with all the information she had to process.

“Excuse me? Are you saying you have a part in this film? Bloody marvellous!” Her fingers shot up to rub the pulse points on her forehead, the stress becoming to much as the nightmare that was her life began to grow steadily worse.

“You could at least pretend to be happy for me! You’re behaving like you can’t stand the sight of me…Nik…be honest with me…have you found someone else?”

“Of course I haven’t!” Nikki spoke the words a little too quickly and loudly to be convincing, but Trisha seemed to believe it none the less.

“Look, Trish…” Nikki sighed in defeat. She had held off saying what she needed to say for so long, and now it seemed like there was no more avoiding it.

“When you told me last week you were leaving and never coming back…I felt…”

“Shhh…it’s ok Nikki, I know…I missed you too, and I’m sorry.” Trisha spoke over Nikki’s words, not realising that Nikki had in fact been ready to send her packing. Moving in closer until their bodies were pressed together, Trisha brought her hand up and ran her index finger along Nikki’s bottom lip.

“I’ve missed these lips you know…” Nikki could feel Trisha’s breath softly brush across her face, like a gentle breeze. Her mind screamed out for her to push her partner away, but her arms stayed stagnant by her side…and that’s exactly were they stayed as Trisha leaned into replace her finger with her own lips. Right now the only woman Nikki wanted in her arms was Helen.

The sudden thought of the object of her desire brought Nikki back down to Earth with a bump, and regaining the power in the arms she shoved Trisha roughly to one side.

“Not now Trisha…I have to find Helen!”

**********
Helen waited patiently by the back of the thatched roofed beach hut, pacing backwards and forwards like an agitated animal.

“Oh, bleedin’ ‘ell woman, give it a rest will you! You’re making me bloody dizzy!” Zandra took a drag on her cigarette and turned her back on Helen as she blew out the large puff of cloudy smoke.

“Where is he!” Helen growled through gritted teeth, asking the question to no one in particular, as she grew more impatient.

“Here e’s coming…” Zandra pointed, fag between fingers, to a blonde dot walking towards them in the distance. It didn’t take Dominic more than two minutes to reach them, but to Helen it felt like an absolute lifetime. Her stomach was doing somersaults, knotted with nerves at the idea of what she was about to do and Dominics unintentional stalling was begining to infuriate her. She wanted it over and done with as quickly and painlessly as possible.

“Right guys, I managed to get some gear, but it’s in short supply over here, so make it last!” Dominic handed each of them a little plastic bag, filled less than a quarter of the way up with a white powder that looked no different to a sachet of sugar.

Helen eyed hers warily as Zandra tore right into her bag with little haste. She needed a fix instantly, and it couldn’t wait, while Helen wondered if she was doing the right thing after all.
Twice she almost handed the bag back, and twice the image of herself looking perfect sprung back into her mind.

Tears streamed down her face as she listened to Zandra sniff up the powder from a line on the back of her hand. She knew it was now or never as she copied the other woman’s actions precisely. The white substance stung at her eyes as it made its journey into her system, through her nose and into her bloodstream.

Her body trembled in fear as she awaited the effects to hit her…but she noticed no difference in herself, or her two companions. Wasn’t coke an instant hit? This certainly wasn’t what she was expecting…

Maybe this drug lark wasn’t so bad after all.

A smile spread across her face as a rush of confidence washed over her.

“Right guys…let’s go get this party started!”

Chapter Seventeen


The sounds of the blaring reggae music began to fade in the black distance as Nikki made her way hastily across the complex on her way to the hotel room she shared with the AWOL female. Start with the most obvious hiding places first, she thought frantically to herself, while she cursed the throng sandals that cut painfully into her feet as she ran.

“God, I’m going to bloody strangle that woman when I get my hands on her!”

The room was eerily empty as she rushed through the door.

“Shit!” The beds were vacant and unmade…the way they had earlier left them.

“Helen?” No reply came, just as Nikki had expected.

“Helen, if you’re here you had better bloody answer me, now!” Still now reply. All Nikki could hear were her own words echoing and reverberating off the crisp white wall tiles surrounding her.

She lifted her mobile telephone from her bedside table and hurriedly searched the Nokia’s phonebook for Helen’s own number, which until now she had no call to use.
Pressing the green button to call out she waited as patiently as her genetic makeup would allow. Pacing, she tried to let her anger and worry subside, but it was no good…Helen had yet again managed to rattle her nerves into a state that only a huge dose of Prozac could get rid of.

“For fucks sake, pick up!” She was just about to end the call when the ringing in her ear was replaced by a click and then the screech of raucous laughter, mixed with music and several voices she didn’t recognise.

“Helen?”

“Nikkiiiiiii…Helloooo…” All thoughts of their earlier argument had seemingly been eradicated from Helen’s brain as she heard the voice of her personal officer on the line, but Nikki’s memory wasn’t so short.

“You’re pissed! Where the bloody hell are you! I’ve been all over the complex looking for you, worried sick…seems I should have checked the bottom of a bottle of Vodka to find you!”

“Och, Nikki, don’t be a drama queen, I’ve been on the beach all night…where you should be! You’re missing all the fun…come and join us….pleeaaassseeeeee.” Helen giggled childishly, and much to Nikki’s annoyance the voices in the background started to join in.

“Where exactly on the beach are you?” Nikki moodily pulled over the door and made her way downstairs as Helen drunkenly tried to relay directions to her…directions that led her no further forward, but she was sure she would get to her sooner or later.

“Helen, don’t dare move from where you are, I’m warning you! Stay put until I get there…you hear me!” With her anger diminishing, fear was beginning to take over. She wondered if Helen Stewart was actually more danger to herself than any stalker could ever be. Whatever the case was, she still had a duty to serve and protect…walking away now would put Helen in extreme danger, and that was the last thing Nikki wanted.

As she walked closer to the ocean she let herself remember the night of Karen Betts’ murder…a thing she very rarely allowed herself to do. Even after all these years it was still so raw in her memory, and dragging it up was so painful.


10 Months Previously.



“No, Yvonne, stop right there…I’m not doing it…no way! It’s Christmas Eve. Trisha and myself are supposed to be cooking a meal for 10 of her family members tomorrow…she will go spare if I yet again choose work over her.”


“Nikki, darlin’, I’m sorry, I know it puts you in an awkward position, but Karen’s “sacked” Andrew, and she’s refusing another male officer to watch over her.”

”So, since I’m the only woman on duty I get the pleasure?” Nikki’s sarcastic tone did not go unmissed by Yvonne, but she let it slide, knowing Nikki well enough to paint on a smile and continue the nicey-nicey approach…the only one that seemed to work.

“Nikki, just go around there for a couple of hours, and when Gina signs on for her shift at 11pm I’ll send her straight over to relieve you from duty…deal?”

“I bloody suppose so…but you owe me big time Atkins!”

“Yeah, yeah. Just get you’re arse over to Mayfair, before we have a dead actress on our hands.”

Both women laughed, not knowing how true Yvonne’s words were soon to be.


Nikki’s unmarked police car pulled to a stop outside the 5-storey Victorian building in the heart of London’s exclusive, posh district. Karen Betts had money that was for sure. Nikki and Trisha could barely afford the mortgage in their two-bedroom flat across the Thames.

“Must be worth at least Ten Million quid,” She noted enviously to herself, before adding that money couldn’t buy you happiness, which seemed to appease the envy.
But that was a load of old bollocks…wasn’t it? Surely money and being able to buy whatever you fancied would put a smile on any persons face, even if it was short lived.

She remained seated at the wheel of her vehicle as she contemplated the high life. No more work…fast cars and gigantic houses, palatial yachts and luxurious holidays. Compared to her life at the moment it seemed more than perfect…or at least it would be if you had someone special to share it with.

She exited the car with little energy left in her body. After a 12-hour shift the last thing she needed or wanted was to “baby-sit” a woman who already today had thrown at least two bitch fits at her colleagues.

“Let her bloody try that stroppy shit with me!” Already she was prepared to do battle as she chapped on the front door, using the large knocker that was placed strategically in the middle for that purpose.

She waited a few minutes and when no one answered she made to turn back to her car.

“I’m not waiting on someone’s doorstep in the middle of winter like an idiot, when this stalker business has probably been blown all out of proportion in the first place. I bet its some sixteen-year old with his first celebrity crush…hardly warrants 24 hour protection.” Her hand had just reached out to touch the frosted over steel car door handle when she heard the spine-chilling scream that echoed eerily around the deserted street…the final scream of Karen Betts as her throat was slit.

Chapter Eighteen


The music on the beach blared audibly, much to Nikki’s annoyance. She could hardly hear herself think.

“I’m one decibel away from tinnitus!” She moaned to herself rather truculently as she wandered around aimlessly in search of the spot Helen had claimed she was standing.

“I don’t know why I let myself get talked into this bodyguard shit!” To say Nikki was like a bear with a sore head would be to put it mildly. She had been all over the complex in search of Helen and it appeared to be an escape act that would have impressed Houdini.

The temper inside her began to bubble away like a steaming-hot Geyser, but just as she was finally about to go over the edge, a very happy looking, drunken Helen danced into her line of vision…Dominic hot on her tail, appearing equally as wasted

“Right, that’s it, I’ve had enough…” The pain in her feet now forgotten about as Nikki’s priorities changed, she stormed across the short space of sand and roughly pressed her body against Helens, preventing the other woman from taking another step forward.

“Ahhh…Nikkiiiiii! You made it! And you said my directions weren’t any good…” Helen smiled fleetingly, her tongue running seductively along the back of her bottom teeth as she swayed incoherently. It was a look that Nikki had to divert her eyes from, for already she could feel her anger melting, and Helen needed a bloody good bollocking, not some hot-under-the-collar woman pandering to her.

“They weren’t any good…35 minutes it’s taken me to find you! I’ve been on a bloody wild goose chase.” Helen giggled heartily, brushing her hand over Nikki’s face.

“Look at your face, it’s gone red…calm down Nikki and enjoy yourself…you’re too uptight at times.”

“Helen, I’m uptight because I need to be. If you won’t take this stalker business seriously then someone has to! Razor blades sent to you in the post is not something to be taken lightly…you are in serious danger Helen...how many times do I have to repeat myself before it sinks in?”

“Oh, Nikki, don’t be silly, it was nothing. It was just someone’s idea of a prank and now the police are involved they don’t want to own up to it. It’s been nearly two weeks and nothing else has happened…. So come on…get a drink…dance with me…” The seductive smile was back. Helen’s hand slipped into Nikki’s, fitting like a jigsaw that was finally complete, their fingers perfectly entwined. For a second Nikki wonder if Helen was right, maybe she was being too highly strung? Then the image of a bloodied and battered Karen came back to her mind….



10 Months Previously


The scream that seemed to emanate from Karen Betts’ house brought Nikki to a standstill and made her blood run cold. The sound was hauntingly unmistakable. This woman was in serious trouble.

All feeling of tiredness now gone and replaced by sheer adrenaline, Nikki sprinted as quickly as her legs would run, towards the mansion building and without chapping, straight through the front door and into the chandelier ceilinged hallway.

“Ms Betts?” Nikki frantically called the woman’s name over and over, while she searched each room on the lower level…but every one was empty.
Slowing down her pace she tried to conserve some energy for upstairs – she knew that some of these houses had 5 floors, not including the attic and Karen could be in any one of a hundred rooms.

With downstairs being empty she made her way towards the main stairwell and onto the first landing, which upon inspection looked to be in complete disarray. Lamps were on the floor, vases were smashed and the flowers that were once inside discarded onto the water-soaked carpet, tables were upturned, and the telephone was purposely off the hook.

A loud thud from behind caused Nikki to pause instantly. She couldn’t risk someone hearing even the slightest of noises from her, to alert them to her presence. She had to eliminate all risk if Karen and herself were to get out of this alive – so as ever she tried to remain vigilant.

Walking on the tip of her toes towards the door from which the bang came from she thanked God that Miss Betts hadn’t yet succumbed to the lure of the wooden flooring trend.

Her hand reached up when she could go no further, and stretched towards the round handle. She noticed how it shook uncontrollably, but didn’t know if it was due to fear, or the dire need for a strong coffee with lots of sugar.

Turning the knob slowly she closed her eyes for a brief second, praying that after this she would live to see another day…Christmas day was not the day to die.
With one last burst of energy and determination she threw herself at the wooden door until it opened, along with her eyes, and the sight that met her made her sick to the stomach.

Clasping her hand tightly across her mouth she retreated back to the hallway and ran downstairs, out onto the quiet London Street, where she threw up violently on the pavement.

Never in her professional career had she seen such a sickening sight. A woman who’s once beautiful face had been mauled until it was unrecognisable, a gash along her throat, so deep her head barely hung onto its shoulder. The pristine and sparkling white bathroom was now mixed with puddles of deep red, which seeped into the tile crevices and ran little rivers along the floor. Karen’s lifeless and limp body lay like a rag doll in the middle, her eyes open and staring eerily into nothingness.


The same thing could not happen to Helen…



“No!” Nikki pulled her hand away from Helen’s sharply like it had been immersed in fire and left to burn…it sure as hell hurt.

“Helen, I can’t do this any more. One minute you can’t look at me in the eye and the next you want me to dance with you. We fight, we argue, we scream. I try to get you to see sense, and you ignore me. I care about whether you live or die, and you are in self-destruct mode. Helen, I’ve said it before…I won’t sit around watching you bring harm to yourself…not when I care about you this much. I know…you’re straight, and we can never be a couple…but that doesn’t make me love you less. You’re so special Helen, but I’m tired trying to make you see that. What I’m trying to say is… I’m leaving. I’ve decided to go back to Britain in the morning. I’ll call Yvonne and get her to send another officer out tonight so you won’t be alone. I’m sorry.”


With tears in her eyes she turned her back on Helen, who was shocked into silence…her own eyes moistening as her heart sunk. Nikki couldn’t leave her. She needed this woman more than she liked to admit…more than she had ever needed another human being in her entire life. Without Nikki there was nothing left to live for.

“I may as well be dead…” Helen thought sadly as she slumped to the sand, transparent rivers of tears running down her rosy cheeks.


“Please don’t leave Nikki. Everyone always leaves me.” The sobs were barely whispered and weren’t audible to anyone other than herself. She watched Nikki until the woman was merely a dot on the horizon, disappearing out of sight…but she was definitely still in mind.

Reaching into her purse, Helen retrieved the tiny plastic zip-locked bag that was now almost empty…a little something to take away the pain.

Within minutes she had rejoined the party, back enjoying herself and revelling in the singing, dancing and escapades of her co-workers…all thoughts of Nikki Wade tucked into the dark recesses of her mind.

Chapter Nineteen



Looking deep into the bottom of her empty suitcase, Nikki wondered if she was doing the right thing. What was leaving going to achieve? She had never put herself down as a quitter before, but now she was bowing out, and not so gracefully.

With her clothes piled high around the case, and no where to sit and think, she walked out onto the balcony and leaned over the edge, watching the twinkling lights off in the far distance, which cast shadows onto the sparkling blue sea. It looked so stunning a sight – so serene and peaceful that you could get lost in it…but somehow beyond the outward beauty it was tainted…just like Helen.


The doubts swirled erratically around her brain. There was far too much going on to contemplate. Leaping from one issue to another without getting closure on the last. Even making a simple decision seemed to be sending Nikki into turmoil.

Why, oh, why did things have to be so complicated? She couldn’t figure anything out for herself…but she knew a woman who could help.




***********************



Everything seemed to be out of focus. The area surrounding Helen no longer appeared to have a solid form, and from the look of the spinning palm trees it no long had gravity either.
Her pupils zoomed in and out; her brain desperately trying to register what was going on, but all rational was lost in a drunken, drug-fuelled haze.

“Bathroom…” She slurred her words incoherently, hoping that someone, anyone would understand and point her in the right direction…but no one was around. The party was long over, the music had stopped and people had gone off to their beds, or their own private parties.

She stood alone in the hotel’s makeshift park, having wandered off on her own in search of her hotel room, which was no where in sight…she was completely lost and very scared. She didn’t feel so good. Her heart was racing rapidly in her chest; sweat poured from every orifice in her body and her vision was blurred into obscurity. This was not how things were meant to turn out.

Slumping onto a newly painted bench next to the brightly lit water fountain, she curled herself up, knees to her chest, shaking and trembling like her body was convulsing. She could feel the bile rise in her throat and an excruciating pain run the length of her body, from her toes to her head.

“Please, someone, put me out of my misery.” Helen could no longer bear the feelings that were inside her…mentally or now physically.

The trembling became worse as she started to drift in and out of conscious, her mind and body now completely different entities – neither had control over the other.


************************************8



“Yvonne? Hi, it’s Nikki. Sorry if I’ve woken you…I just really had to talk to someone, and you’re the only person I respect enough to give me advice. Yeah, I’m fine…no, why am I saying that, I’m not fine at all. It’s such a long story Yvonne, I wouldn’t even know where to start. You want the condensed version? Ok, well, the long and short of it is, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Helen, I’ve broken up with Trisha, and she’s turned up to work on the same movie as Helen. Helen is hell bent on drinking herself into a stupor, all we do is tear at one another’s throats, day in, day out…and I want out. I can’t stand it any more Yvonne. One minute I want to slap the bitch in the face for being so damn selfish and the next I want to cuddle her so tightly and never let her go. There’s something she’s not telling me Yvonne, I know it, I can feel it in here” Nikki let her free hand brush over her heart and tried with all her might to suppress the tears that stung at her eyes.

“Speak to her Nikki…”


“I can’t speak to her…every time I try and get her to see sense she throws it back in my face…and any time I get that little bit close to her she throws up the brick walled barriers. It’s no good. I think it’s best if I leave and let someone else take over. I’m obviously not cut out for this type of work…”


“Nicola Wade, you are one of my best officers. How can you say you’re not cut out for the job? If this has to do with what happened to Karen Betts then I’m disappointed in you Nik. You know as well as I do that Karen’s death was not your fault…it was a very unfortunate circumstance, that yes, could have been prevented…but you weren’t holding that knife Nikki.”

“I may as well have been holding it…if I had have got there sooner…”

“If you had got there sooner you might be dead as well…so stop looking back and focus your anger somewhere else. Helen Stewart needs you…now more than ever. Just before you called I had an email from head office. Apparently they have a fingerprint of that envelope that doesn’t belong to Helen or any of her co-workers. They are trying to get a positive ID on it as we speak. So, hopefully by the end of tomorrow we will have caught this crazy bastard and he’ll be locked up behind bars…leaving you free to come home. Stick it out one more day…for me?”

One more day wouldn’t be that bad would it? 24 hours…half of them spent sleeping. She could cope with that…and at least Helen would be safe, for the night at least.


“Ok, Yvonne, I’ll stay. But just for one more day…if there’s no more developments on that print I’m out of here…got it?” Yvonne didn’t answer, she just nodded her head, and somehow over the telephone Nikki knew what she was doing.

“Good. Oh, and Yvonne…thanks for listening.”

“Night Nik,”

As Yvonne rung off Nikki gave a deep sigh and threw her mobile onto the plastic outdoor table by her side. How she was going to cope for another 24 hours…1440 minutes…. 86400 seconds…. She didn’t know. Already she was teetering on the edge of her sanity.


She didn’t even feel guilty about leaving Helen alone on the beach w