Title: Latency
Description: In Love and Friendship
Description: In Love and Friendship
Emms - April 15, 2008 06:03 PM (GMT)
Title: Latency
Author: Emms
Summary: Set four months after Nikki's release. Can Nikki and Helen be friends or will there always be something more between them?
Rating:NC17 for strong language, and adult content. :$
Note: I've been working on this for a very long time and have most of it written, save for the last three chapters, so updates will be regular.
ETA: I am happy to accept feedback of any kind, long, short or otherwise as long as it fits into the guidelines of this board. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Nikki or Helen they are the property of Shed Productions.
Note: I originally posted this story on another site, but due to creative differences I decided to pull it from that site and post it here.
I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself).
Latency
Helen Stewart was awash in hindsight as she lie in her bed with Thomas grunting and sweating above her. In fact, so clear was her reflection, she could pinpoint the exact moment, to the minute, that she'd let everything she cared about go.
Four months, three days, twelve hours and--Helen glanced at the clock on the sideboard table-- thirty six minutes ago she had chosen Thomas over Nikki. Four months, three days, twelve hours and thirty six--seven-- minutes ago Helen had made the biggest mistake of her life.
It wasn't that Thomas was a bad guy. Thomas was a man any woman would be proud to have as a boyfriend. He was nice to look at, he was smart and genuinely cared about helping others, no, the problem wasn't him at all. It was she.
The problem was that Helen had led him on, she'd kissed him, touched him, made him love her, and she'd done all of that while knowingly and hopelessly in love with someone else.
Helen closed her eyes and wished away the scent of Thomas, the hard, scratchy, roughness of him that she had come to abhor over the last few months. And even though he was a nice guy, everything about Thomas was wrong. Everything about him would always be wrong because everything about Thomas wasn't Nikki.
Nikki. The thought of her made Helen's stomach clench and her heart slow in her chest to an almost painful beat. Oh god, how she missed Nikki, and how she would have given anything in that moment to be wrapped against Nikki's body, to be held by her, to feel Nikki's breath on the back of her neck. All this time she’d thought she could put those simple needs behind her, that she could deny the simple truth that was her feelings for Nikki Wade, but here it was, in the dim light of her bedroom, that she ached for the touch of Nikki, the feel of her skin, the memory of her mouth.
Helen heard herself moan, and she felt Thomas thrust harder in response to that simple sound--a sound he had no way of knowing was not for him.
On another night, in another time and place, Helen might have felt guilty for the line her thoughts had taken, but she'd already pushed Thomas to the periphery of her consciousness-- She'd pushed him away like she pushed everything away (she was good at that), everything save for the burning desire that glowed like an ember in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought about Nikki Wade.
Thomas made a sound above her, and Helen prayed that he'd finish soon.
She'd found that the only way she could get off with Thomas was to imagine that it was Nikki in her bed, and it never took much to set Helen off, a thought, or a spark of a memory, in which, for a split second, Helen could feel Nikki's lips on her, taste the saltiness of her mouth and the sweetness of her breath.
It was then that Thomas's hands became her hands, his lips became her lips and the weight of his body became the weight of her body. And oh how Helen remembered every detail of the way Nikki's body felt against her. The way they had fit perfectly together, once. Soft against soft.
___________________________________
Nikki sat alone at the end of the bar, nursing the only drink she'd ordered that night. From a distance she waved Trish away (again)-- Trish, who'd been circling around her like a mother hen all night--Trish, who'd wheedled her out of the house that evening under the pretense of socializing and fun. Bloody Trish.
But Nikki didn't want company. She didn't want fun. She didn't want to feel better. All she wanted was to sit by herself and be miserable. Want was a word for people who cared about things, want was something happy people did, or needy people and she was neither of those things. She was just Nikki. Just Nikki.
Nikki and Helen had, had lunch that afternoon for the seventh time since Nikki's release--a nice friendly excruciating lunch. A lunch in which Nikki had been forced to keep her hands to herself for two long hours when all she had wanted was to reach out and cup Helen's cheek, to run her thumb over Helen's full lips, to kiss Helen in such a way that would erase all doubt about the fact that they belonged together, that they belonged to each other. A kiss that would wash away the last four months like rain washed away the city-grime off the buildings and lampposts.
But they were friends now. They'd agreed to be friends. And it was only Nikki's imagination that allowed her to believe that she'd seen something more than friendship in Helen's eyes when their gaze had met and caught across the table that afternoon. And it was only her imagination that bombarded her with thoughts and caused her to picture what it might have been like had Helen not ended things with her--if Helen hadn't chosen Thomas over her.
Nikki took another sip of her wine, but instead of sedating her the full bodied flavor only added to her melancholy. She ran her finger along the rim of the glass-- which sparkled in the warm light of the club-- absently pushing at the drops of red her lips had left behind.
The wine, along with the up-tempo beat of the house music seemed to mock her, the music reverberating off the walls and floor like some kind of invisible force, causing Nikki to feel closed in, and suddenly too warm.
____________________________________
"Thomas, stop." Helen couldn't take anymore. She needed to get up. She needed to run away. But most of all she needed to shower. She resisted the urge to forcefully push Thomas off of her. And she clenched her fingers to her palm to keep from pressing them to his shoulders.
"What is it, Helen?"
"Nothing," Helen snapped, when he rolled off of her. The look of confusion on his face was too much so she added a little more softly, " I don't feel well."
"Is there anything I can do?"
There was genuine concern in Thomas's voice, but Helen pushed it aside and sat up. "I just need to shower," she said with her back to him.
The room was cold, and Helen shivered.
"Helen if you keep this up I'm going to develop a complex."
He was leaning on his arm behind her, she couldn't see him, but she feel the dip of the mattress underneath his weight, and she could hear the amusement mixed in with the seriousness of his tone. She knew that he was smiling.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from betraying her emotions. She could keep her tone level but she could not stop her lips from thinning into a line of irritation. She was glad that he couldn't see her face.
"Do you think I haven't noticed that every time I touch you, you run off to shower?"
He wasn't joking anymore.
"Can we talk about this later?"
"Does that mean there's something to talk about?"
"It means that I don't feel well, and don't feel like having it out with you right now."
Helen felt anger flare hot and hard in her chest. She got up and headed for the bedroom door, but stopped when she heard Thomas's voice.
"You know Helen, I don't understand you anymore. One minute you're hot, the next minute It's almost as if you can't stand to look at me. I really wish you would make up your mind, and spare us both…” there was a pause while he searched for the right words “whatever this is."
________________________________
"And just where do you think you're going?"
"Home" Nikki ran a hand through her hair, "Look Trish, It's not that I don't appreciate what you're trying to do; I know you just want to help, but I really need to be on my own right now."
"Do you want me to drive you?"
"No."
"Do you want me to ring you later?"
"No."
"Are you ever going to stop moping around about Helen Stewart?"
Trish’s exasperation with the entire situation was obvious in her voice.
Nikki shot her ex an apologetic look. She knew it wasn't easy for Trish to see her like this over another woman. "Trish I--," Nikki started to apologize, but stopped when she realized that there was nothing she could say to take away the pain she saw on Trish’s face.
But if Trish had noticed anything she wasn’t showing it, and so reaching past her, Trish handed Nikki her jacket. "It's cold out there," Trish said simply and softly.
Yeah, Trish understood her, maybe even better than she understood herself, Nikki thought as she slid her arms through the rough wool material.
Nikki managed a small smile of appreciation and pulled the collar of the gray jacket around her neck. It wasn't just cold that night, it was freezing. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah,"
Trish leaned across and kissed Nikki's cheek as Nikki stepped out onto the street.
The wet pavement made a splashing sound under her thick boots as she walked, and the swoosh of cars passing by on the street provided a sort of white noise, which allowed Nikki's thoughts to naturally drift back to Helen. Always to Helen.
_____________________________
Helen ran the water hot, so hot that it stung her back and caused her arms to turn a mottled shade of pink. And she stood under the spray, not really bathing, but allowing the water to run over her body, warming her from the outside in.
Steam billowed around her, engulfing her in a cloud of humid air, and she turned under the spray so that the pelting water ran across her chest and stomach--a cleansing of sort.
Helen felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. She felt like screaming, but she lacked the energy to do so. In that moment, she loathed herself. She was poisonous, and a coward, and she ruined everyone and everything she touched. She couldn't even keep a proper job like a civilized person. Helen conveniently omitted from her inner-diatribe, the reason why she'd given up her job as her heart couldn't take any more Nikki that night.
Helen felt raw and sore when she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. If Thomas was still there she would apologize, she decided. She would chalk up her horrid mood to PMS and she'd try to be a better girlfriend. She would try with Thomas because she simply couldn't watch another something in her life fail.
Wrapped in a towel, Helen came into the living room in time to hear the front door close.
Thomas was gone.
Helen stood there listening to the sounds of his shoes against the stone steps that led down to the street below. And what scared her, was not that he had left, but that she was more relieved about it than anything else.
Helen moved to the window, her new conviction about Thomas crumbling. She could no more push the thought of Nikki away from her than she could ask the tide to stop rising with the moon.
The light from the lamp on the small table near the window kept Helen from seeing into the night, but she didn't care. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and let her heart wonder about Nikki. She wondered where Nikki was, what she was doing, how she smelled, she wondered if Nikki was thinking about her too.
___________________________
Nikki had, had every intention of walking back to her flat that night when she set out from the club, but with each step her feet propelled her forward, while her mind distracted her with images that laced into scenes, until she found herself standing on the street across from Helen's flat. Her calves were sore from walking, and she was sweating under the heavy coat despite the cold air.
Nikki was startled when she saw Thomas leaving Helen's flat, and her breath caught when she looked up to find Helen looking out the window. She'd been crying about something--probably about Thomas--Nikki could tell, even from a distance that Helen's eyes were red and her cheeks were streaked with tears.
Was Helen crying because they'd made love and Thomas had left? Was she crying because she didn't want him to go? Nikki felt her heart clench inside her chest, as she wondered how anyone could leave Helen.
Nikki turned away from the site of Helen at the window, and started back down the street. She'd been foolish to show up at Helen's unannounced. And she'd been even more foolish to think that just maybe Helen felt something deeper than friendship for the ex-con.
_____________________________
Helen shut off the light and closed the curtains. she was emotionally and physically exhausted, and couldn’t bear the idea of another moment spent wallowing in self-pity. Her life was what it was and she had only herself to blame and it wouldn’t do any good to wish that things were different. And besides all that, Helen knew in her heart of hearts that she didn’t deserve Nikki’s love, she’d lied, she’d cheated, she’d turned her love for Nikki into a weapon, but worst of all she’d been cold, insensitive, and completely shut off when Nikki had needed her the most, and for that Helen could never forgive herself.
TBC
Author: Emms
Summary: Set four months after Nikki's release. Can Nikki and Helen be friends or will there always be something more between them?
Rating:NC17 for strong language, and adult content. :$
Note: I've been working on this for a very long time and have most of it written, save for the last three chapters, so updates will be regular.
ETA: I am happy to accept feedback of any kind, long, short or otherwise as long as it fits into the guidelines of this board. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Nikki or Helen they are the property of Shed Productions.
Note: I originally posted this story on another site, but due to creative differences I decided to pull it from that site and post it here.
I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself).
Latency
Helen Stewart was awash in hindsight as she lie in her bed with Thomas grunting and sweating above her. In fact, so clear was her reflection, she could pinpoint the exact moment, to the minute, that she'd let everything she cared about go.
Four months, three days, twelve hours and--Helen glanced at the clock on the sideboard table-- thirty six minutes ago she had chosen Thomas over Nikki. Four months, three days, twelve hours and thirty six--seven-- minutes ago Helen had made the biggest mistake of her life.
It wasn't that Thomas was a bad guy. Thomas was a man any woman would be proud to have as a boyfriend. He was nice to look at, he was smart and genuinely cared about helping others, no, the problem wasn't him at all. It was she.
The problem was that Helen had led him on, she'd kissed him, touched him, made him love her, and she'd done all of that while knowingly and hopelessly in love with someone else.
Helen closed her eyes and wished away the scent of Thomas, the hard, scratchy, roughness of him that she had come to abhor over the last few months. And even though he was a nice guy, everything about Thomas was wrong. Everything about him would always be wrong because everything about Thomas wasn't Nikki.
Nikki. The thought of her made Helen's stomach clench and her heart slow in her chest to an almost painful beat. Oh god, how she missed Nikki, and how she would have given anything in that moment to be wrapped against Nikki's body, to be held by her, to feel Nikki's breath on the back of her neck. All this time she’d thought she could put those simple needs behind her, that she could deny the simple truth that was her feelings for Nikki Wade, but here it was, in the dim light of her bedroom, that she ached for the touch of Nikki, the feel of her skin, the memory of her mouth.
Helen heard herself moan, and she felt Thomas thrust harder in response to that simple sound--a sound he had no way of knowing was not for him.
On another night, in another time and place, Helen might have felt guilty for the line her thoughts had taken, but she'd already pushed Thomas to the periphery of her consciousness-- She'd pushed him away like she pushed everything away (she was good at that), everything save for the burning desire that glowed like an ember in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought about Nikki Wade.
Thomas made a sound above her, and Helen prayed that he'd finish soon.
She'd found that the only way she could get off with Thomas was to imagine that it was Nikki in her bed, and it never took much to set Helen off, a thought, or a spark of a memory, in which, for a split second, Helen could feel Nikki's lips on her, taste the saltiness of her mouth and the sweetness of her breath.
It was then that Thomas's hands became her hands, his lips became her lips and the weight of his body became the weight of her body. And oh how Helen remembered every detail of the way Nikki's body felt against her. The way they had fit perfectly together, once. Soft against soft.
___________________________________
Nikki sat alone at the end of the bar, nursing the only drink she'd ordered that night. From a distance she waved Trish away (again)-- Trish, who'd been circling around her like a mother hen all night--Trish, who'd wheedled her out of the house that evening under the pretense of socializing and fun. Bloody Trish.
But Nikki didn't want company. She didn't want fun. She didn't want to feel better. All she wanted was to sit by herself and be miserable. Want was a word for people who cared about things, want was something happy people did, or needy people and she was neither of those things. She was just Nikki. Just Nikki.
Nikki and Helen had, had lunch that afternoon for the seventh time since Nikki's release--a nice friendly excruciating lunch. A lunch in which Nikki had been forced to keep her hands to herself for two long hours when all she had wanted was to reach out and cup Helen's cheek, to run her thumb over Helen's full lips, to kiss Helen in such a way that would erase all doubt about the fact that they belonged together, that they belonged to each other. A kiss that would wash away the last four months like rain washed away the city-grime off the buildings and lampposts.
But they were friends now. They'd agreed to be friends. And it was only Nikki's imagination that allowed her to believe that she'd seen something more than friendship in Helen's eyes when their gaze had met and caught across the table that afternoon. And it was only her imagination that bombarded her with thoughts and caused her to picture what it might have been like had Helen not ended things with her--if Helen hadn't chosen Thomas over her.
Nikki took another sip of her wine, but instead of sedating her the full bodied flavor only added to her melancholy. She ran her finger along the rim of the glass-- which sparkled in the warm light of the club-- absently pushing at the drops of red her lips had left behind.
The wine, along with the up-tempo beat of the house music seemed to mock her, the music reverberating off the walls and floor like some kind of invisible force, causing Nikki to feel closed in, and suddenly too warm.
____________________________________
"Thomas, stop." Helen couldn't take anymore. She needed to get up. She needed to run away. But most of all she needed to shower. She resisted the urge to forcefully push Thomas off of her. And she clenched her fingers to her palm to keep from pressing them to his shoulders.
"What is it, Helen?"
"Nothing," Helen snapped, when he rolled off of her. The look of confusion on his face was too much so she added a little more softly, " I don't feel well."
"Is there anything I can do?"
There was genuine concern in Thomas's voice, but Helen pushed it aside and sat up. "I just need to shower," she said with her back to him.
The room was cold, and Helen shivered.
"Helen if you keep this up I'm going to develop a complex."
He was leaning on his arm behind her, she couldn't see him, but she feel the dip of the mattress underneath his weight, and she could hear the amusement mixed in with the seriousness of his tone. She knew that he was smiling.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from betraying her emotions. She could keep her tone level but she could not stop her lips from thinning into a line of irritation. She was glad that he couldn't see her face.
"Do you think I haven't noticed that every time I touch you, you run off to shower?"
He wasn't joking anymore.
"Can we talk about this later?"
"Does that mean there's something to talk about?"
"It means that I don't feel well, and don't feel like having it out with you right now."
Helen felt anger flare hot and hard in her chest. She got up and headed for the bedroom door, but stopped when she heard Thomas's voice.
"You know Helen, I don't understand you anymore. One minute you're hot, the next minute It's almost as if you can't stand to look at me. I really wish you would make up your mind, and spare us both…” there was a pause while he searched for the right words “whatever this is."
________________________________
"And just where do you think you're going?"
"Home" Nikki ran a hand through her hair, "Look Trish, It's not that I don't appreciate what you're trying to do; I know you just want to help, but I really need to be on my own right now."
"Do you want me to drive you?"
"No."
"Do you want me to ring you later?"
"No."
"Are you ever going to stop moping around about Helen Stewart?"
Trish’s exasperation with the entire situation was obvious in her voice.
Nikki shot her ex an apologetic look. She knew it wasn't easy for Trish to see her like this over another woman. "Trish I--," Nikki started to apologize, but stopped when she realized that there was nothing she could say to take away the pain she saw on Trish’s face.
But if Trish had noticed anything she wasn’t showing it, and so reaching past her, Trish handed Nikki her jacket. "It's cold out there," Trish said simply and softly.
Yeah, Trish understood her, maybe even better than she understood herself, Nikki thought as she slid her arms through the rough wool material.
Nikki managed a small smile of appreciation and pulled the collar of the gray jacket around her neck. It wasn't just cold that night, it was freezing. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah,"
Trish leaned across and kissed Nikki's cheek as Nikki stepped out onto the street.
The wet pavement made a splashing sound under her thick boots as she walked, and the swoosh of cars passing by on the street provided a sort of white noise, which allowed Nikki's thoughts to naturally drift back to Helen. Always to Helen.
_____________________________
Helen ran the water hot, so hot that it stung her back and caused her arms to turn a mottled shade of pink. And she stood under the spray, not really bathing, but allowing the water to run over her body, warming her from the outside in.
Steam billowed around her, engulfing her in a cloud of humid air, and she turned under the spray so that the pelting water ran across her chest and stomach--a cleansing of sort.
Helen felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. She felt like screaming, but she lacked the energy to do so. In that moment, she loathed herself. She was poisonous, and a coward, and she ruined everyone and everything she touched. She couldn't even keep a proper job like a civilized person. Helen conveniently omitted from her inner-diatribe, the reason why she'd given up her job as her heart couldn't take any more Nikki that night.
Helen felt raw and sore when she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. If Thomas was still there she would apologize, she decided. She would chalk up her horrid mood to PMS and she'd try to be a better girlfriend. She would try with Thomas because she simply couldn't watch another something in her life fail.
Wrapped in a towel, Helen came into the living room in time to hear the front door close.
Thomas was gone.
Helen stood there listening to the sounds of his shoes against the stone steps that led down to the street below. And what scared her, was not that he had left, but that she was more relieved about it than anything else.
Helen moved to the window, her new conviction about Thomas crumbling. She could no more push the thought of Nikki away from her than she could ask the tide to stop rising with the moon.
The light from the lamp on the small table near the window kept Helen from seeing into the night, but she didn't care. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass and let her heart wonder about Nikki. She wondered where Nikki was, what she was doing, how she smelled, she wondered if Nikki was thinking about her too.
___________________________
Nikki had, had every intention of walking back to her flat that night when she set out from the club, but with each step her feet propelled her forward, while her mind distracted her with images that laced into scenes, until she found herself standing on the street across from Helen's flat. Her calves were sore from walking, and she was sweating under the heavy coat despite the cold air.
Nikki was startled when she saw Thomas leaving Helen's flat, and her breath caught when she looked up to find Helen looking out the window. She'd been crying about something--probably about Thomas--Nikki could tell, even from a distance that Helen's eyes were red and her cheeks were streaked with tears.
Was Helen crying because they'd made love and Thomas had left? Was she crying because she didn't want him to go? Nikki felt her heart clench inside her chest, as she wondered how anyone could leave Helen.
Nikki turned away from the site of Helen at the window, and started back down the street. She'd been foolish to show up at Helen's unannounced. And she'd been even more foolish to think that just maybe Helen felt something deeper than friendship for the ex-con.
_____________________________
Helen shut off the light and closed the curtains. she was emotionally and physically exhausted, and couldn’t bear the idea of another moment spent wallowing in self-pity. Her life was what it was and she had only herself to blame and it wouldn’t do any good to wish that things were different. And besides all that, Helen knew in her heart of hearts that she didn’t deserve Nikki’s love, she’d lied, she’d cheated, she’d turned her love for Nikki into a weapon, but worst of all she’d been cold, insensitive, and completely shut off when Nikki had needed her the most, and for that Helen could never forgive herself.
TBC
zena - April 15, 2008 07:31 PM (GMT)
So glad to see you post here YAHOO!!!! love your story can't wait till the next chapter. :dazzler :dazzler :dazzler
JAM - April 15, 2008 08:41 PM (GMT)
:D Yeah!!!EMMS is back!! :clap :popcorn I'm ready for more!
airronda - April 15, 2008 08:46 PM (GMT)
WOW! What a great start! I love your writing - please keep it up.
bc gal - April 16, 2008 12:23 AM (GMT)
Whoa, Yeah!!
Very, nice start......
:clap :clap
Very, nice start......
:clap :clap
5mins - April 16, 2008 06:46 PM (GMT)
Great stuff! I love this story! The way you are going back and forth between the two women is great!
I want to shout, "Nikki, throw a pebble at her window!"
I applaud you and appreciate your new story. :D
I want to shout, "Nikki, throw a pebble at her window!"
I applaud you and appreciate your new story. :D
SexySimone - April 16, 2008 09:19 PM (GMT)
I love this story! Can't wait for the next part to see what happens to Helen and Nikki :) Please keep it coming :hug2
Rockbitch - April 16, 2008 09:54 PM (GMT)
what a nice start! Looking forward to read the rest
USADOC36 - April 17, 2008 03:38 AM (GMT)
very nice start, I love new stories
zena - April 17, 2008 11:58 PM (GMT)
:cry2 :cry2 Emms I'm dying here waiting for an update. Will begging help? :cry2 :cry2 :cry2
5mins - April 18, 2008 12:43 PM (GMT)
Me too, Emms! I have the day off tody...what a lovely treat it would be to read the next installment in my jammies with a cup of coffee. No pressure or anything...I leave for a weekend with friends at around 4 EST...
;)
;)
strummingalong - April 18, 2008 04:31 PM (GMT)
Great start Emms, :clap Helen's misery is palpable. But, she's made her bed with Thomas so...
Can't wait to read more!
Can't wait to read more!
bigjulie - April 18, 2008 05:14 PM (GMT)
great start
zena - April 22, 2008 03:16 AM (GMT)
:h5 :h5 :drinkies More please. :h5 :h5
Emms - April 22, 2008 02:59 PM (GMT)
chapter two is stuck in "beta-ville" :doinnails and I'm just waiting to get it back.
Rockbitch - April 23, 2008 09:56 PM (GMT)
i hope its fast!
NLovesH - April 25, 2008 09:52 PM (GMT)
another story by emms very nice ,is this going to be another one of those six months later where we the readers are begging for an update?
i'm always wary when writers start other fics and have incomplete ones promising an update,good start, even though this looks very much like that of an obvious plot
Patti
i'm always wary when writers start other fics and have incomplete ones promising an update,good start, even though this looks very much like that of an obvious plot
Patti
Emms - April 25, 2008 11:59 PM (GMT)
Hey Patti, thanks for the feedback. I can understand where you're coming from with the wary about unfinished works, but uhm...I'm kinda known for having multiple stories going at one time--it's just how my creativity works.
With Etude, I sort of hit a creative roadblock with it when RL got a little hectic for me--but things have smoothed out for the most part and I have been working on it, and as for this story I've already completed the entire thing so, no, it's not going to be a six month wait for an update. My beta seems to be a little busy at the moment so it's taking a little bit longer to get chapter 2 posted, but no worries, it will be posted eventually. :)
Oh and...yeah, I love a good obvious plot. :D Just call me cliché.
xoxo
Emms
With Etude, I sort of hit a creative roadblock with it when RL got a little hectic for me--but things have smoothed out for the most part and I have been working on it, and as for this story I've already completed the entire thing so, no, it's not going to be a six month wait for an update. My beta seems to be a little busy at the moment so it's taking a little bit longer to get chapter 2 posted, but no worries, it will be posted eventually. :)
Oh and...yeah, I love a good obvious plot. :D Just call me cliché.
xoxo
Emms
zena - April 26, 2008 04:14 AM (GMT)
Great Emms we'll be waiting. :wub: :wub:
JAM - April 28, 2008 02:10 PM (GMT)
Hi Emms
I'm still a little pouty about Etude, but that dosn't mean I won't devour everything you post. What's with your beta? I'm glad to hear this story is complete, cause I do get nervous. There are alot of stories out there that I have gotten emotionally attached to only to be left hanging. I have faith in you though and look forward to more. :D
I'm still a little pouty about Etude, but that dosn't mean I won't devour everything you post. What's with your beta? I'm glad to hear this story is complete, cause I do get nervous. There are alot of stories out there that I have gotten emotionally attached to only to be left hanging. I have faith in you though and look forward to more. :D
zena - May 2, 2008 10:59 PM (GMT)
Emms hows the update coming? Soon I hope (crying sofly in kleenex) :friends2 :friends2
emtsue - May 4, 2008 07:25 AM (GMT)
Maybe if we all put on those ruby shoes and click our heels together 3x chanting,"There's no place like beta-ville,There's no place like beta-ville,There's no place like beta-ville"something might appear.READY, on the count of 3....
Andliv2laf - May 6, 2008 01:06 AM (GMT)
Emms, this was really good! I have read etude and it is great as well! Keep up the great work...looking forward to the next post!
Emms - May 9, 2008 03:11 PM (GMT)
Normally I would reply to each person individually, but given my inability to form complex sentences today, I think it's a better idea to respond to everyone as a group. :rolleyes:
I would just like to thank you all for their comments and support and apologize for taking so long to get the next chapter posted. I've had the beta'd version of chapter two for a couple days now, but four days ago my partner and I decided to end our 8 year relationship, and since then I've not been in the mindset to make the changes i need to make to the chapter in order to get it posted. I'm going to work on it today, tho' so hopefully in the next day or two I will be able to get it up for everyone. Thanks again for being patient.
xoxo
Emms
I would just like to thank you all for their comments and support and apologize for taking so long to get the next chapter posted. I've had the beta'd version of chapter two for a couple days now, but four days ago my partner and I decided to end our 8 year relationship, and since then I've not been in the mindset to make the changes i need to make to the chapter in order to get it posted. I'm going to work on it today, tho' so hopefully in the next day or two I will be able to get it up for everyone. Thanks again for being patient.
xoxo
Emms
zena - May 9, 2008 04:38 PM (GMT)
Sorry to hear of your breakup, so sorry I can understand why your head is not into fanfic. Take your time I hope you start to feel better soon. :bighug :bighug
airronda - May 13, 2008 12:38 AM (GMT)
Hi Emms. I just want to say how much I've enjoyed the beginning of this story. I like your writing style and you have a real talent. I would love to have another update but ending a long term relationship can be emotionally draining. So take it one day at a time and hopefully writing will come to you soon.
Looking forward to more when you're ready.
Looking forward to more when you're ready.
terriw1979 - May 19, 2008 10:23 PM (GMT)
What a great start! I would love to read more of this story when you get the time to post!
halfbadgirl - May 23, 2008 03:24 PM (GMT)
Well done on tackling the biggest AE to S3: Helen's reckoning. She made that bed and now she can't lie in it. I can't wait to read your next chapter whenever you are ready to post it.
BTW: I too love "Etude." Maybe one day, eh?
BTW: I too love "Etude." Maybe one day, eh?
kchardbody - May 23, 2008 09:49 PM (GMT)
I read chapter 1... It was very well written and I was very impressed..
I am going to go read your other stories that you still have not
finished.. I hope you are ok with your break up.
I am going to go read your other stories that you still have not
finished.. I hope you are ok with your break up.
zena - May 27, 2008 03:51 AM (GMT)
Hi Emms how's the update coming? :tumbup :tumbup
richard - May 28, 2008 05:07 PM (GMT)
I've been very slow to post on this one but this is a great start to your fic, Emms. It's certainly very atmospheric.
Emms - June 1, 2008 01:19 AM (GMT)
Hi everyone. I've finally motivated myself to start working on making the changes to chapter 2. It should be posted either tonight (late) or tomorrow. :write
Emms - June 1, 2008 01:20 AM (GMT)
sorry. :o double post.
zena - June 1, 2008 03:07 AM (GMT)
Yippee :bicycle :bicycle :bicycle
kellykracles - June 1, 2008 03:12 AM (GMT)
SCHWEEEEEET! :getingroove
Emms - June 1, 2008 05:30 AM (GMT)
Hi everyone! I'll post the chapter first and then tomorrow I'll edit to add replies to the feedback posted on the previous chapter... ya'll know how I roll! :rolleyes:
Title: Latency
Author: Emms
Summary: Set four months after Nikki's release. Can Nikki and Helen be friends or will there always be something more between them?
Rating:NC17 for strong language, and adult content. :$
Note: I've been working on this for a very long time and have most of it written, save for the last three chapters, so updates will be regular.
ETA: I am happy to accept feedback of any kind, long, short or otherwise as long as it fits into the guidelines of this board. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Nikki or Helen they are the property of Shed Productions.
Note: I originally posted this story on another site, but due to creative differences I decided to pull it from that site and post it here.
I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself).
Note: I'd like to thank my good pal Mudrat for living a rumpled life and thus inspiring me.
Latency
Chapter Two
“Nikki, get up this minute!”
“Go away, will you?” Nikki’s voice was muffled under the pillow she’d pulled over her head when she had first heard the scraping of Trish‘s key in the lock.
“This flat is a tip, Nicola wade!”
Nikki opened one eye, chancing a glance at her ex. Stood in the doorway of Nikki’s small flat, it was obvious that Trisha was not pleased by what she saw.
“What? I live a very rumpled life, darling.”
Trisha carefully made her way into the room, stepping over boxes and piles of junk that littered the small space around Nikki’s double bed.
“Rumpled life? It smells like cheap plonk in here! This is well beyond rumpled, Nikk. No. Even better. You know what it‘s like--it‘s like an offy exploded and then left its clothes lying about.”
Trisha was being flippant and Nikki found that she didn‘t quite care for it much.
“An Offy can't wear clothes. Your analogy is flawed.”
“Right because that’s the problem in here; my analogies.”
“I’m Knackered, Trish.”
“I can tell. Rough night?”
Rough night was a severe understatement for what the previous night had been. After she’d seen Thomas leaving Helen’s flat Nikki had been despondent, and she’d walked London’s narrow streets for hours trying to clear her mind of Helen, and Thomas and of the tears she’d seen in Helen’s eyes at his leaving.
It hadn’t been until she’d wandered into the dark pub near her flat, around midnight, and had a few drinks of the hard stuff that she’d been able to think about Helen without the burning ache in her chest --it had been there faintly but the effects of the alcohol had set in quickly, numbing her to everything save for the warmth of the glass in her hand and the slight feeling of incompleteness at the thought of never holding Helen in her arms again--of never knowing if Helen had ever cried for her in that way, or if she’d ever even felt for Nikki what Nikki had felt for her.
Nikki groaned, pushing the thought of Helen away from her as if it was a sharp knife that meant to draw blood. Pulling the pillow back onto her head, she resigned herself to a twelve hour lie in, and decided that perhaps if she ignored Trisha long enough the blonde would eventually give up and go away. Nikki was in no mood to be told off, she really just wanted to be left alone.
“Come on, then, let’s open a window…or two.”
“I have a better idea, why don’t you piss off outside--and close the door on your way out.”
“You’re being horrid, and you’re completely pissed. Care to try for three?”
“Correction: I was completely pissed. Last night. Today I’m only slightly pissed. There’s a difference. Now could you kindly leave me alone?”
Nikki knew she wasn’t being fair to Trisha but fair was simply not a concept her alcohol muddled brain was prepared to compute at such an early hour. And in all honesty, Trisha wasn’t making nice an easy job either, standing there with her hands on her hips, boring holes into Nikki’s plaid duvet and complaining about the atmosphere.
“And allow you to wallow? I most certainly will not. You‘re getting up.”
Nikki chanced another glance at her from under her pillow.
“And then what?” Nikki squinted as Trish pulled back the dusty curtains and sunlight flooded the small space. She still didn’t like where she thought this was headed, but she would give up trying to fight it. When Trisha started in about something it was often better to simply go along with her. Nikki could be thick on occasion, but she wasn’t stupid and besides she really didn’t have the energy to contest further.
“And then I might bath you or feed you. Most likely both, and in that order.”
_______________________________________________
“Do you want to know what your problem is?”
“No, but I’ve no doubt you’re about to enlighten me.”
Having been successfully, dragged from her safe haven of crumpled bed linens, and after tidying up a bit, at Trisha’s behest, they sat across from each other at the small Formica table in Nikki’s even smaller kitchen. Nikki was sat in her knickers and black vest top, stirring porridge that was much too hot to eat while her ex watched her thoughtfully and waited for her to answer.
“So let’s have it. What’s my problem--as you see it?” Nikki rested her chin on her hands, giving Trish the most patronizing look she could muster given her current circumstance of undress.
It was then that Trisha did something unexpected, instead of delving right in on her opinion of Nikki’s many flaws, the blonde rose from the table, moving to the cooker where she removed the kettle from the hob and poured a bit of water into two cups for tea.
If Nikki didn’t know better she’d have thought that Trisha had lost a little of her momentum, but it wasn’t until Trisha handed Nikki her cup of tea that she went on and Nikki saw that her momentum had not been lost, simply set to the side.
“I’m sorry but I’ve been watching you mope around for ages… and ever since you were released you’ve been clunking around--here and the club-- steeping in depression so thick you could eat it on toast. I know you Nikki and this…way that you’re being isn’t like you and it’s not healthy. And quite frankly, my love, I‘ve had enough.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you are frightened of being happy and that you‘d rather sit in here and be miserable than take a risk that you might fail at something.”
Trisha sat down again, the look on her face challenging Nikki to disagree.
“Admit it. Admit that the only time you step foot out of this flat is to go to work or to have lunch with Helen bloody Stewart.”
Nikki opened her mouth to reply but quickly shut it again.
“I mean, how many bloody lunches can you eat with the woman before you‘re chewing your leg off and foaming at the mouth?”
“Now who’s being horrid?” Nikki opened her mouth to say more but Trisha ignored her.
“Ring her.”
“What, you mean now?”
Trish reached around to her jacket hung on the back of the chair and pulled her mobile out of her coat pocket. She pushed the slim device into Nikki‘s palm.
“Yes.”
Nikki smoothed her fingers along the surface of the phone, feeling the cool plastic warm to her touch. Suddenly nervous, Nikki looked helplessly at Trish. “It’s too soon! What if Thomas answers? What if she’s not home? What if she doesn’t want to see me?”
“You’re being ridiculous, Nikki.”
Nikki was beginning to panic. She’d never called Helen from outside of prison before-- she’d been too afraid that her true feelings for Helen would sound in her voice, then Helen would know and the tentative friendship they’d been cultivating would die and Nikki wouldn’t even have that anymore. Nikki knew she could suffer through a lifetime of uncomfortable lunches if it meant Helen would remain in her life, but she honestly didn’t know how she could live if Helen decided that she never wanted to see her again.
“What do you bloody want me to do? She’s with Thomas, remember?” Nikki was looking desperately into Trish’s face, willing her to understand.
“Why don’t you just admit that you’re miserable? At least, then, you can work towards becoming un-miserable.”
“Fine. I’m miserable. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes--now ring her.”
_____________________________________________
Helen was in the kitchen preparing a breakfast of apples and cheese when the phone in the lounge rang, but her hands were wet from washing apples in the sink and she couldn’t get to it before the answerphone clicked on.
Helen was drying her hands on a towel when she heard Nikki’s voice.
She stood, frozen, listening so intently to the deep sound of Nikki’s voice that she’d missed the context of Nikki’s message altogether. When the answerphone finally clicked off, Helen played the message again.
She was nervous--Nikki was--Helen could hear the vulnerability, in Nikki’s words, laced around a vibrato undertone, almost imperceptible but there none-the-less. Helen imagined Nikki’s hands were shaking as she held the phone to her ear. And she closed her eyes, momentarily aware of the urge to climb through the phone, somehow, to bring Nikki’s trembling hands to her lips--to soothe her…only it wasn’t her place to comfort Nikki, she reminded herself…she’d given up that right months ago when she’d taken Thomas into her bed.
“Hi Helen…it‘s me. Nikki.”
There was a pause and then Nikki‘s voice started up again, only softer now, and deeper.
“I’m just ringing to say that I enjoyed our lunch the other day.”
Another pause, this one was longer than the last.
“Helen…I…I‘d like to see you again. Soon. There‘s something I need to say to you.”
The sound of the machine clicking off startled Helen and she was suddenly aware of the cold and of the sky through the lounge window which had turned a gloomy slate grey. Soon after, small droplets of water began to hit against the glass of the window, slow at first and then faster as the rain began in earnest.
“There’s something I need to say to you too, Nikki,” Helen admitted to the empty room.
Helen would make herself a cuppa and then she’d ring Nikki.
TBC
Title: Latency
Author: Emms
Summary: Set four months after Nikki's release. Can Nikki and Helen be friends or will there always be something more between them?
Rating:NC17 for strong language, and adult content. :$
Note: I've been working on this for a very long time and have most of it written, save for the last three chapters, so updates will be regular.
ETA: I am happy to accept feedback of any kind, long, short or otherwise as long as it fits into the guidelines of this board. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Nikki or Helen they are the property of Shed Productions.
Note: I originally posted this story on another site, but due to creative differences I decided to pull it from that site and post it here.
I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself).
Note: I'd like to thank my good pal Mudrat for living a rumpled life and thus inspiring me.
Latency
Chapter Two
“Nikki, get up this minute!”
“Go away, will you?” Nikki’s voice was muffled under the pillow she’d pulled over her head when she had first heard the scraping of Trish‘s key in the lock.
“This flat is a tip, Nicola wade!”
Nikki opened one eye, chancing a glance at her ex. Stood in the doorway of Nikki’s small flat, it was obvious that Trisha was not pleased by what she saw.
“What? I live a very rumpled life, darling.”
Trisha carefully made her way into the room, stepping over boxes and piles of junk that littered the small space around Nikki’s double bed.
“Rumpled life? It smells like cheap plonk in here! This is well beyond rumpled, Nikk. No. Even better. You know what it‘s like--it‘s like an offy exploded and then left its clothes lying about.”
Trisha was being flippant and Nikki found that she didn‘t quite care for it much.
“An Offy can't wear clothes. Your analogy is flawed.”
“Right because that’s the problem in here; my analogies.”
“I’m Knackered, Trish.”
“I can tell. Rough night?”
Rough night was a severe understatement for what the previous night had been. After she’d seen Thomas leaving Helen’s flat Nikki had been despondent, and she’d walked London’s narrow streets for hours trying to clear her mind of Helen, and Thomas and of the tears she’d seen in Helen’s eyes at his leaving.
It hadn’t been until she’d wandered into the dark pub near her flat, around midnight, and had a few drinks of the hard stuff that she’d been able to think about Helen without the burning ache in her chest --it had been there faintly but the effects of the alcohol had set in quickly, numbing her to everything save for the warmth of the glass in her hand and the slight feeling of incompleteness at the thought of never holding Helen in her arms again--of never knowing if Helen had ever cried for her in that way, or if she’d ever even felt for Nikki what Nikki had felt for her.
Nikki groaned, pushing the thought of Helen away from her as if it was a sharp knife that meant to draw blood. Pulling the pillow back onto her head, she resigned herself to a twelve hour lie in, and decided that perhaps if she ignored Trisha long enough the blonde would eventually give up and go away. Nikki was in no mood to be told off, she really just wanted to be left alone.
“Come on, then, let’s open a window…or two.”
“I have a better idea, why don’t you piss off outside--and close the door on your way out.”
“You’re being horrid, and you’re completely pissed. Care to try for three?”
“Correction: I was completely pissed. Last night. Today I’m only slightly pissed. There’s a difference. Now could you kindly leave me alone?”
Nikki knew she wasn’t being fair to Trisha but fair was simply not a concept her alcohol muddled brain was prepared to compute at such an early hour. And in all honesty, Trisha wasn’t making nice an easy job either, standing there with her hands on her hips, boring holes into Nikki’s plaid duvet and complaining about the atmosphere.
“And allow you to wallow? I most certainly will not. You‘re getting up.”
Nikki chanced another glance at her from under her pillow.
“And then what?” Nikki squinted as Trish pulled back the dusty curtains and sunlight flooded the small space. She still didn’t like where she thought this was headed, but she would give up trying to fight it. When Trisha started in about something it was often better to simply go along with her. Nikki could be thick on occasion, but she wasn’t stupid and besides she really didn’t have the energy to contest further.
“And then I might bath you or feed you. Most likely both, and in that order.”
_______________________________________________
“Do you want to know what your problem is?”
“No, but I’ve no doubt you’re about to enlighten me.”
Having been successfully, dragged from her safe haven of crumpled bed linens, and after tidying up a bit, at Trisha’s behest, they sat across from each other at the small Formica table in Nikki’s even smaller kitchen. Nikki was sat in her knickers and black vest top, stirring porridge that was much too hot to eat while her ex watched her thoughtfully and waited for her to answer.
“So let’s have it. What’s my problem--as you see it?” Nikki rested her chin on her hands, giving Trish the most patronizing look she could muster given her current circumstance of undress.
It was then that Trisha did something unexpected, instead of delving right in on her opinion of Nikki’s many flaws, the blonde rose from the table, moving to the cooker where she removed the kettle from the hob and poured a bit of water into two cups for tea.
If Nikki didn’t know better she’d have thought that Trisha had lost a little of her momentum, but it wasn’t until Trisha handed Nikki her cup of tea that she went on and Nikki saw that her momentum had not been lost, simply set to the side.
“I’m sorry but I’ve been watching you mope around for ages… and ever since you were released you’ve been clunking around--here and the club-- steeping in depression so thick you could eat it on toast. I know you Nikki and this…way that you’re being isn’t like you and it’s not healthy. And quite frankly, my love, I‘ve had enough.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“That you are frightened of being happy and that you‘d rather sit in here and be miserable than take a risk that you might fail at something.”
Trisha sat down again, the look on her face challenging Nikki to disagree.
“Admit it. Admit that the only time you step foot out of this flat is to go to work or to have lunch with Helen bloody Stewart.”
Nikki opened her mouth to reply but quickly shut it again.
“I mean, how many bloody lunches can you eat with the woman before you‘re chewing your leg off and foaming at the mouth?”
“Now who’s being horrid?” Nikki opened her mouth to say more but Trisha ignored her.
“Ring her.”
“What, you mean now?”
Trish reached around to her jacket hung on the back of the chair and pulled her mobile out of her coat pocket. She pushed the slim device into Nikki‘s palm.
“Yes.”
Nikki smoothed her fingers along the surface of the phone, feeling the cool plastic warm to her touch. Suddenly nervous, Nikki looked helplessly at Trish. “It’s too soon! What if Thomas answers? What if she’s not home? What if she doesn’t want to see me?”
“You’re being ridiculous, Nikki.”
Nikki was beginning to panic. She’d never called Helen from outside of prison before-- she’d been too afraid that her true feelings for Helen would sound in her voice, then Helen would know and the tentative friendship they’d been cultivating would die and Nikki wouldn’t even have that anymore. Nikki knew she could suffer through a lifetime of uncomfortable lunches if it meant Helen would remain in her life, but she honestly didn’t know how she could live if Helen decided that she never wanted to see her again.
“What do you bloody want me to do? She’s with Thomas, remember?” Nikki was looking desperately into Trish’s face, willing her to understand.
“Why don’t you just admit that you’re miserable? At least, then, you can work towards becoming un-miserable.”
“Fine. I’m miserable. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes--now ring her.”
_____________________________________________
Helen was in the kitchen preparing a breakfast of apples and cheese when the phone in the lounge rang, but her hands were wet from washing apples in the sink and she couldn’t get to it before the answerphone clicked on.
Helen was drying her hands on a towel when she heard Nikki’s voice.
She stood, frozen, listening so intently to the deep sound of Nikki’s voice that she’d missed the context of Nikki’s message altogether. When the answerphone finally clicked off, Helen played the message again.
She was nervous--Nikki was--Helen could hear the vulnerability, in Nikki’s words, laced around a vibrato undertone, almost imperceptible but there none-the-less. Helen imagined Nikki’s hands were shaking as she held the phone to her ear. And she closed her eyes, momentarily aware of the urge to climb through the phone, somehow, to bring Nikki’s trembling hands to her lips--to soothe her…only it wasn’t her place to comfort Nikki, she reminded herself…she’d given up that right months ago when she’d taken Thomas into her bed.
“Hi Helen…it‘s me. Nikki.”
There was a pause and then Nikki‘s voice started up again, only softer now, and deeper.
“I’m just ringing to say that I enjoyed our lunch the other day.”
Another pause, this one was longer than the last.
“Helen…I…I‘d like to see you again. Soon. There‘s something I need to say to you.”
The sound of the machine clicking off startled Helen and she was suddenly aware of the cold and of the sky through the lounge window which had turned a gloomy slate grey. Soon after, small droplets of water began to hit against the glass of the window, slow at first and then faster as the rain began in earnest.
“There’s something I need to say to you too, Nikki,” Helen admitted to the empty room.
Helen would make herself a cuppa and then she’d ring Nikki.
TBC
Emms - June 1, 2008 06:02 AM (GMT)
okay, I seriously don't know why my posts keep going double.
kellykracles - June 1, 2008 06:05 AM (GMT)
That was amazing! :clap :clap :clap
Andliv2laf - June 1, 2008 12:58 PM (GMT)
That is so Helen and Nikki, I love it. Thanks for the update!
terriw1979 - June 1, 2008 02:07 PM (GMT)
Thanks for the update, I'm really enjoying this story. It's rings so true