It doesnt have a name yet - by Bondvillain

I thought I'd have a go at my first piece of BG fanfic. Any feedback very gratefully received
This is my version of series three Nikki and Helen without the awful open-mouthed chewing Doctor Waugh. It takes a couple of liberties, but shh, don’t tell anyone.

Disclaimer: These aren’t all my characters. Nikki and Helen belong to the lovely people at Shed productions. Most of the plot is theirs too. The other bits are mine. Anyways, the point is that I didn’t make it all up and it’s not nice to claim other people’s work as your own. So there you go.


Chapter One

Helen marched down to reception, hoping Karen’s therapist friend had come up with the goods with this latest addition to the medical team. Now the NHS reject had gone, she had every intention of making the kind of difference she’d planned on when she joined the service. It would have been all the more satisfying had it involved irritating the crap out of Stubberfield, but Helen thought she could probably build up to that one given time. She checked her watch, cursing inwardly as she realised she’d spent five more minutes than she’d needed to getting her ear bent by Sylvia about new cushions in the Officers’ Mess. A woman with an arse like that hardly needs cushions, Helen thought. Reaching the door to reception, she swung it open and was greeted with a sight she wasn’t quite expecting.

“Good morning.”

“Jo! What the…what are you doing here?” Helen exclaimed, walking towards the woman in front of her, arms spread to give her a hug.

“I received the Bat signal and came running.” Jo leaned in for a tight hug, embracing her old university flatmate.

“Well, thank goodness it was you and not another old man with an attitude problem.” They broke apart and beamed at each other, slightly lost for words.

“So this was the only way you could get my phone number, hey?” Jo teased, knowing her extended trip to Australia was the cause of their loss of contact.

“Well, I had tried stalking you, but then you went and moved house. I sold my night-vision goggles but couldn’t get enough to hire a PI…you know how it is.” Helen grinned.

“Yeah, keeping track of someone is tricky in the age of the internet.” Jo returned with a smile.

“Cheeky” replied Helen. “I better show you your office before the mocking gets too much. You don’t change.” She ushered Jo out of the door, and lead her across the courtyard.

Helen was reeling a little, it had been a long time since she and Jo had spoken, let alone seen each other…six years ago, maybe? She hadn’t changed much – still blonde, tall, carefully dressed and with a teasing sense of humour. They hadn’t parted on bad terms, just drifted apart due to geographical distances. Helen wasn’t really sure why, they’d always had good fun together. Just one of those things, she supposed. They reached the door to Jo’s new office, and Helen let them in.

“So how long have you been exercising your dominatrix side?” Jo asked, admiring the quality of Her Majesty’s paintwork and furnishings.

Helen sat down on one of the low seats. “Four years, and I don’t use the handcuffs that much. Not at work, anyway.”

Jo smiled wryly. “Indeed. Well, as you clearly didn’t bring me here for a catch up, what’s my afternoon going to consist of?” She set down her satchel on a worn looking desk and deliberately avoided gazing in Helen’s direction for too long.

“One of our long term prisoners – Pam Jolly. Twelve years for murder, mostly spent in our delightfully named ‘muppet wing’. She’s been medicated for most of it, so no-one’s yet managed a normal conversation with her.”

“Do you have her medical history?” Jo inquired, burying her nervousness at the task in front of her. She’d never been faced with a criminal before. Call it experience, she thought.

“Only what we’ve collected from her time here. The current doctor has been treated her for depression and kept her well sedated, so there’s not a lot of progress been made, I’m afraid to say.” Helen face clearly showed her disgust.

“Well, hand on heart I’ll do the best I can for you. And her, obviously. You do know I don’t have criminal psychology qualifications?” Jo asked, frowning slightly at the barred windows. Were they trying to keep her in as well as a few others out?

“All the better. I’m hoping that way you’ll be able to treat her like a person than as a criminal case study.”

“Touché, Miss Stewart. Sounds like you’re keen on this one.” Jo looked back at Helen, only to see her face harden.

“Not keen, I just think these women deserve proper treatment.”

Jo was momentarily taken aback. “I agree wholeheartedly. I’m just not used to hearing that people with mental problems deserve to be treated as human beings.”

“Then we’re on the same side, aren’t we?” Helen’s smile returned, and Jo couldn’t help but return it.

“You sound like it doesn’t happen often. Just how much is riding on this?”

Helen’s face fell. “That doesn’t matter.”

Jo came out from behind the desk to sit opposite Helen. “I can’t promise to be your knight in shining armour.”

“Not this time you can’t, no.” Helen replied, a weak smile on her face.

Jo leaned forward to put a hand on Helen’s knee. “Hey – chin up. Come and see me when my first meeting with Pam is over. I’ll update you straight away. Then we can have a catch up dinner?”

Helen looked up with those green eyes. Jo almost flinched. “Do you still have your motorbike?” Jo nodded slowly, a grin breaking out on her face. “Then sod dinner and take me out for a spin…I believe you owe me one.”

“Now there’s a demand I can’t ignore.” Jo checked her watch. “Right, I best get started. Send Pam over to me and we’ll get started as soon as I can.”

“You have no idea how much I appreciate this.” Helen stood up and gave Jo a small smile. Jo also rose, and motioned a hug. Embracing for a moment, they broke apart and Helen walked towards the door. She looked up, slightly shyly. “Thank you.”

Jo offered a ‘no worries’ gesture in return, and watched through the window after Helen had left, walking like a woman on a mission through the courtyard. Jo leaned her forehead against the cool glass, and exhaled heavily. This wasn’t going to be any easier now than it was six years ago.




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Chapter Two

“Well, she’s suffering from paranoid schizophrenia - strong delusions, hallucinatory voices, persecutory beliefs. She’s to start a course of anti-psychotic drugs, which should kick in in about a week but it’s not going to be an ultimate cure. I’ve told her it’ll help her out, improve her quality of life, as much as is possible.”

Helen smirked at the choice of words. Jo continued. “I want her in some talking therapy to help her with her poor self-perception. She seems to have come from a very religious, overbearing family and needs a way to overcome her negative views bout herself. If you’re willing to say yes.”

“Of course.” Helen replied, relieved that there was progress in such a small amount of time. “Jo, I need to ask you something.”

Jo looked up from her notes, surveying Helen carefully. “Go ahead.”

“What’s your professional view of her treatment to date?”

Jo exhaled loudly and ran a hand through her hair. “Well, not good. At all. Totally incompetent, if I was being brutally honest. Anybody who’d bother to engage with her would see that she’s delusional. Current surroundings accepted, and no pun intended, I’d say that her treatment so far has been criminal. She’d be much further down the line if she’d been seen properly.”

Helen sat back in her chair, looking pensive. “I feared as much.”

“Hey, look on the bright side. You’ve set the wheels in motion and now Pam has a much brighter future ahead of her. You can change the world.” Jo grinned.

“I sincerely doubt that. But I am glad it’s good news. Thank you so much for your help.”

“That’s my job. And for you, anytime.” Jo gathered her notes and stood up, crossing over the room to gather her jacket and bag.

Helen rose from the chair, seemingly resolving something in her mind before looking up with a smile. “So, how about that ride?”

Jo smiled. “Will tomorrow night be acceptable? I would tonight but I’ve got a couple of things to catch up on at my office. This was a bit of an unofficial day trip.”

“Tomorrow night it is, then. Do you have a pen and paper?” Jo duly obliged, watching curiously as Helen wrote quickly on Jo’s notepad. She handed it back. “You’ll need to know where to pick me up.” She said, with a cheeky grin.

“Ah, of course. And the phone number?”

“So you’ve got no excuse for leaving me so long again.”

Jo laughed and pocketed the note. “Right, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, I’ve got a mound of paperwork to go over before I can entertain you for an evening. And you’ve got a prison regime to change.”

“I’ll try, but I’m not promising.” Helen moved forward to hug Jo. “And thank you again for this, you have no idea how much it means to me.”

They broke apart. “It’s a pleasure. It’s not every day I get to ride in and save the day for lovely ladies.” Helen blushed a little. “Okay, you take care and I’ll see you tomorrow night. Wear your leather.”

Helen raised an eyebrow. “Is that a personal request?”

“No.” Jo replied with a blank tone. Helen floundered a little, wondering what she’d said. “It’s just going to be cold where we’re going.” Helen laughed as Jo faced her with a broad smile. “Alright, you go and be a pioneer, and I’ll battle red tape.” Jo headed towards the door, turned back to give Helen a final wave, and made her way back to reception.

---

Jo finally walked in her own front door approaching nine thirty. She’d stayed late, much later than planned to try and clear her desk before tomorrow night. Slouched in front of a mindless reality TV show with a bland pasta and sauce concoction, Jo reflected on what one hell of a day it had been. First time inside a prison, first time in a room with a murderer, first time she’d seen Helen for so long.

She hadn’t changed, Jo thought. Still ridiculously attractive – strong willed, optimistic…and still got that accent. Jo shivered. Not again. I can’t go down this road again. What was it Bridget Jones said? Cool, calm, ice queen. Alternative…melt like an ice cream. Jo smiled bitterly at the poetry. She took Helen’s note out of her pocket and looked at it, debating whether or not to pick up the phone and give Helen a call anyway. It might help, she thought. Facing these things is supposed to help. That’s what I tell my patients. No. Not tonight. I need to take some time out, no point in rushing back in.

Jo pushed a few cold pasta spirals half-heartedly round her plate, then with a loud sigh put it to one side and tried to lose herself in a world of reality shows.

---

Helen climbed out of the shower, the third time that night. Looking at her pale reflection and red-rimmed eyes in the mirror, she fought back tears. She felt violated, invaded…and by Jim Fenner, of all people. Helen put on a fluffy towelling robe, the material doing little to warm the cold hollowness she felt inside. She sat shakily on the bed, dissolving into tears once more. She needed to talk to someone, needed the reassurance of another human being. She wanted Nikki.



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A good writer spends 5% of her time writing, the other 95% being distracted by the internet In Mandana Land



Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 462
Location: Directors Box at Aston Villa!!




mjnet Posted: 31 May 2005 07:44 pm
It doesnt have a name yet - by Bondvillain

WARNING: This isn't a happy chapter. I'd rate it 15 for goryness and general angstyness.

Chapter Three

At the back of the drawer was the cassette tape she’d made specifically for these moments. Placing it in the stereo and snapping the door shut, she pressed play, tears welling up in her eyes as Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’ came on. The angsty soundtrack to her teenage years.

She turned the volume up and walked across the hallway into the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she headed towards the mirror and stood in front of the mirror. Why she did it, she didn’t know. She hated what looked back at her. Skinny, pale, unattractive. None of the guys wanted her, that was for sure. ‘Dyke’, they called her. Dyke.

As the middle eight of the song kicked in, something inside her snapped. She brought her fist back, and with a primal scream smashed it with as much force as she could into the mirror in front of her.

She wasn’t sure if the crack was her knuckle breaking or the glass. Either way, it didn’t matter. At least her reflection had gone. Her own blue eyes weren’t taunting her. Suddenly, the pain coursed through her hand, and with it several streams of blood. She looked at the back of her hand to see a shard of the mirror stuck into her flesh. Breathing deeply, she ran the tap to flush away some of the blood before she could take out the glass. Saved her using the razor, she thought. Wincing and cursing with pain, she carefully held the blade-like material, steeling herself to pull it out.

The door flew open. Green eyes wide with terror, Helen cried out in shock when she saw the blonde haired figure in front of her bleeding profusely. Regaining composure slightly, Helen walked forwards, taking her friend’s sliced hand in her own. She reached up and put a hand on the girl’s face, a tear rolling down her cheek as she looked into the deep sadness of those blue eyes.

“Jo, we’re going to have to call you an ambulance.”

--- In Mandana Land



Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 462
Location: Directors Box at Aston Villa!!




mjnet Posted: 31 May 2005 07:44 pm
It doesnt have a name yet - by Bondvillain

As promised - another installment

Chapter Four

Helen was looking forward to her evening out. It had been a frustrating day, having been faced with the knowledge that she could do little against Fenner whilst Nikki did her level best to settle the score. As flattered as she was that Nikki wanted to defend her honour, Helen was struggling with Nikki’s overwhelming emotion that was threatening to put them both in an extremely difficult position. It scared her. Helen knew if she relaxed for one moment that she would find herself feeling the same way, and the minute Nikki invaded her mind was the minute Helen couldn’t keep everything in check anymore. She had to keep herself at a distance. She couldn’t be vulnerable, unprofessional. An evening letting her hair down, well away from Larkhall was very welcome.

Helen had just pulled on thick jeans, a jumper and her black leather jacket as the doorbell rang. She opened the door to Jo in full biking leathers, her shoulder length blonde hair making a striking contrast with the darkness of her clothing. A sleek, green motorbike was gleaming at the end of the path.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Can’t wait.” Helen replied, truthfully.

“You’ll need these.” Jo handed over a helmet and thick pair of gloves, then started walking down the porch steps.

“Where are we going?” Helen called after her.

“Out of town, to sit on a hill and admire some flowers.”

“Very daring, Miss Wilson.” Helen replied, with a grin.

Jo stopped walking, threw her head back and loudly sang “Born to be wiiiiiild!” With a wicked smile, she leaped onto the bike and put her helmet on. Helen laughed loudly and clambered on the back, the anticipation causing her stomach to do flips.

“Are you ready for this, Miss Stewart?”

Helen firmly slid her hands around Jo’s torso, grinning madly. “Take me” she called out, with a giggle.

---

They’d been weaving through traffic for a good 45 minutes or so before Jo could find some clear road to really push the idea that national speed limits apply in some areas. Helen was exhilarated; the speed, movement and slightly unnerving vulnerability was producing some amazing sensations of…enjoyment? No, it was better than that, but the adrenaline was stopping her from creating a coherent syntax. She felt very much in the moment…alive, if she were to affix a corny adjective to it.

Jo had been winding up a hill that provided some stunning views of what Helen thought to be Kent countryside. Pulling up in a car park specifically designed for tourists to enjoy the surroundings, Jo shut the engine off and waiting for Helen to extricate herself from the bike. She took her helmet off, and was immediately hugged with strength enough to make her stumble backwards.

“That was so amazing!”

Jo pulled back to see Helen looking…incredible. Her eyes were ablaze, cheeks flushed, smiling from ear to ear as she bobbed up and down excitedly on the balls of her feet.

“Wow. Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. We have done it before, though.”

“It was a long time ago…and never quite like that…I think I’m speechless.” Helen was almost twitching with excitement. Jo took hold of her forearm.

“Well, best we calm you down a bit before we head back. I don’t want you combusting all over me. This way.”

They headed down the side of the grassy hill, down towards a rockier plateau and settled down under the cover of a few windswept looking bushes. Helen, still buzzing a little, stood up and surveyed their surroundings.

“It’s a little like home” she said, her voice distant.

“It’d have more women with Scottish accents if it was. You can guarantee I wouldn’t be sitting here if that was the case.”

Helen turned and looked at Jo with a look of mock consternation. “Am I not good enough for you, then?”

Jo rolled her eyes and patted a rock next to her. “Come and sit down before you disappear over the edge.”

Helen dropped down next to Jo, still looking around with a smile. “I think we were home the last time we did this.”

Jo thought for a moment. “Yes, I suppose it was. Few more sheep then. Couple of less wrinkles.”

“Are you being rude about my complexion now?”

Jo laughed. “No, mine. Never did get the hang of all that moisturising crap.”

“Make-up never was your thing, was it?” Helen ribbed.

“No, and now I’ve learned my lesson, Miss Stewart.”

“Oh, shut up. Is this why you left me? Because I nagged you?”
“No, it was because I’d found the love of my life, wasn’t it?” Jo smirked and threw a couple of leaves over the edge of the rock.

“Ah yes, the wonderful Samantha. How is she now?”

“Straight.”

Helen paused for a moment. “You’re joking?”

“No, as funny as it is, I did really find my girlfriend of five years in bed with a man.”

Helen cringed. “Oh, Jo, I’m so sorry.” She inched over to put an arm round Jo’s shoulders. Jo rested her head against Helen’s and laughed bitterly.

“I’m just putting it down to experience. New rule: Don’t hit on straight women.”

“They’re not all bad.” Helen muttered.

“Not if they want me for me, instead of some mindfuck bicuriosity experiment. Not again.”

“So you’re going to give up trying because of Samantha? That’s not like you.”

“No offence, but straight women suck. Badly.”

Helen paused for a moment or two. “They’re not all that bad.”

Jo laughed. “So what happened to Shaun?”

“He wanted me to marry him. I didn’t want to. I wish I could say it ended amicably, but that wasn’t the case. Set fire to his wedding suit in the prison gardens.” Helen grimaced, recalling the utter humiliation she endured.

“I always thought he was a bit of a charmer.” Jo’s voice was laced with sarcasm. “How long ago was that? Anyone else manage to take his place?”

Helen stopped in her tracks. This was going to be tricky. “About a year ago. There’s been one person, but it got complicated and I didn’t need that. How about you?”

“No. Still a bit raw from the whole thing, really. Been back here for a year, but not really sought anyone out.”

A silence fell between them. Not uncomfortable, just a quiet understanding. Jo was the first to break it.

“It feels strange, us catching up. Not knowing things about each other.”

“I suppose you’re right. Peas in a pod.” Helen smiled.

“You remember your 14th birthday?” asked Jo.
Helen thought for a moment. “Yes…it was a lot like this…sitting up and talking. We were in a tent at the time, though.”

“Until bloody Mike next door sat at the end of the garden and started howling. Have we ever run so fast?”

“Only once – the time my father caught us dropping water balloons out of trees.” Helen’s tone was indeterminate. Was she sardonically amused or still bitter?

“Christ, your dad was a scary man. I bet he still wouldn’t be pleased to see me again. Thought he was going to crucify me when he found out.”

“So did I. I’m glad he didn’t scare you off completely. Life would have been impossible.” Helen squeezed Jo’s shoulders gently.

“Yeah, well. We’d probably have both ended up in the funny farm.” Jo sighed and made to throw a few more leaves over the edge, when Helen caught her hand in mid flight and examined it closely.

“Still there, then?”

“Yes…and my fingers bend at an odd angle as well.” Jo flexed her hand to prove her point.

“I wish I’d have caught you earlier.”

“Well, if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been carted off to Sarah and thrust onto my current career path.” Jo smiled. She’d heard people who’d had physiotherapy becoming physiotherapists, but never people in psychotherapy becoming psychotherapists.

“And I wish I hadn’t been the cause of it.” Helen’s voice faltered a little.

“Oh don’t be daft. It happened. Life moves on.” Jo hoped she sounded convincingly light. “And fate has shoved us together again. Better make the best of it, hey?”

“I’m glad to have you back, Jo.” Helen looked up and kissed the side of Jo’s head gently.

“And it’s nice to be back with you.” She put an arm round Helen’s waist and squeezed gently. “Now I better get you home so you don’t stay up too late. It’s a school night, after all.”

“Normally I’d be really upset, but as I get taken home in style I won’t kick up a fuss.”

“You make me feel unwanted. I’ll go back to Australia.” Jo stood up and started climbing the hill. Helen rose and jogged up behind her, wrapping her arms round Jo’s neck and shoulders.

“You bloody well won’t. Not again. I need you around.”

---



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A good writer spends 5% of her time writing, the other 95% being distracted by the internet In Mandana Land



Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 462
Location: Directors Box at Aston Villa!!




mjnet Posted: 31 May 2005 07:46 pm
It doesnt have a name yet - by Bondvillain

Chapter Five

Jo downed a shot of vodka. She raised her bandaged hand and watched her fingers tremble. Helen will be here any minute now, hold it together. Right on cue, the doorbell rang. Jo saw Helen’s blurry outline through the frosted glass, which came into sharp relief as she opened the door. As soon as it was ajar, Helen pushed into the hall and looked carefully at Jo.

“Are you okay? You sounded…shaky… on the phone. What is it you’ve got to tell me?”

Jo didn’t reply, instead motioning for Helen to follow her upstairs in to her bedroom. She sat down on the bed, drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms round her legs. Helen settled at the other end, regarding Jo worriedly.

“How are you feeling? How are the stitches?”

Jo stared at the bedspread. “Sore. At least I didn’t break my knuckles, I guess.”

Helen paused. It was about time she asked. “Why did you do it?”

“Frustrated.” Jo picked at her bandage.

“What about? I thought they sorted out the idiots at school?”

“Not them.”

Helen inhaled deeply. This was going to require a little coercing. She moved up next to Jo, and put an arm round her. “You know you can tell me. It’s me, for goodness’ sake.”

Jo’s head lowered. “I can’t.”

Helen bent down to look at her friend. “Talk to me.” Jo remained silent. “What’s so bad that you can’t say? What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to hate me. I’ll lose you.”

Helen had to stop herself from laughing inappropriately. “Why on earth would I do that? I don’t want to be without you. Who’s going to save me from my father?”

Jo shrugged silently.

“Unless you want to sell me to medical science, I’m going to forgive you.” Helen was trying to sound as light as possible, but inside she was panicking. What on earth could be so bad that Jo couldn’t tell her? This was her best friend, and for so, so long as well. Sure, things had been bad lately, for both of them, but they’d struggled through. Or so Helen had thought. Had something changed that she didn’t know about?

“Come on, Jo.”

“Look, Helen…” Jo trailed off. She exhaled loudly and rolled her head from side to side, seemingly trying to build herself up. Helen squeezed her shoulders encouragingly. She felt Jo shiver.

“Helen…” She stopped again, and took another couple of deep breaths.

“Helen, I love you.”

“Oh Jo, I love you too. You know that.” She smiled, relieved that her friend hadn’t decided to hate her.

“No, I mean I love you.”

That stopped Helen in her tracks. Jo’s meaning suddenly became very clear. Helen opened and closed her mouth several times, not knowing quite where to start.

“How…how long for?”

Jo ran a hand through her hair. “A while. Year, maybe?” Helen let this sink in. Her heart was pounding. Jo suddenly looked across at her, her eyes filling with tears. “Do you hate me?”

“Of course I don’t! It’s very flattering, in a way.” She wrapped both arms around Jo and hugged her tight. “I’d much rather you loved me, than Simon at school who very clearly does.”

Jo smiled weakly. “He is a bit obvious.”

“Well, I have to say, you’re not. I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

Jo shrugged, still faintly smiling. “They already think I’m a dyke at school. Wouldn’t do me much good to start serenading you in lessons.”

“You’d do that?” Helen was partway between amused, flattered and a little puzzled.

“It’s a bit public. Not really my thing. Your really don’t hate me?”

“Of course I don’t. I just like you all the more. But…not in that way. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jo shrugged again.

“Is it?”

“Well, rather that than you running off screaming.”

“You’re shaking like a leaf. Let’s go and make some tea.” Helen needed something to busy herself with. She was staying calm for Jo’s sake, but inside she was shaking just as much. For a whole year, and without her noticing? Helen wondered if she’d been a bad friend or if Jo had been particularly secretive about the whole thing. She stood up to leave the room, but as she did, Jo inhaled again.

“My new therapist told me to tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because she thought I might do something even more stupid if I kept it bottled up.” Jo was back to playing with her bandage.

“You broke the mirror because of me?” Helen was shocked. She didn’t know whether she should be flattered at such an outburst of emotion, or scared by it.

“No. It was because I kept everything quiet. Then Michael wouldn’t leave me alone on the way home. Kept calling me a dyke. It upset me because I know I am, but I couldn’t say anything about it. I got upset. Very upset.” Jo looked up, the tears in her eyes breaking any panic that Helen had. This wasn’t a nutter, this was her friend she’d known for years and wasn’t about to drop. Helen hugged Jo once again.

“Come on. Tea.” Helen got up and left the room.

Jo followed behind, relieved she wasn’t hated, disappointed she wasn’t loved passionately.



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Bondvillain2k
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Chapter Six

Jo rubbed her eyes. She’d read the same sentence five times now, and still it wasn’t registering in English, let alone as a well-argued academic point. Looking blearily up from the textbook, the red glow from the bedside alarm clock informed her that it was two in the morning and about time she went to bed. The next draft of her conference paper would have to wait until tomorrow. Thank goodness she didn’t have to be up in the morning.

She’d just settled in bed when the phone rang. Jo groaned and pulled a pillow over her head, quietly praying that it would just shut the hell up and leave her alone. It did, momentarily, then started again. Anyone this insistent had better have something bloody good to say. She picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Jo.” Her voice sounded hoarse.

“Helen? What th-?”

“I just need to talk to somebody.”

Jo hesitated, her brain slowly dropping back into place. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Can I come round?” She sounded desperate.

Jo looked across at the clock. 2:45, not your usual visiting hours. “Of course you can. Any advance warning what this is about?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “No. I just want to talk.”

This was too much. It needed caffeine. “Alright. I’ll get some coffee on the go, and I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”

The line went dead without so much as a goodbye. Jo looked at the receiver quizzically, as if it would give her an answer if she scowled hard enough. Groaning, she climbed out of bed and headed towards the kitchen.

---

“Helen. You look…not at your best.” Which was a bit of an understatement - the Scotswoman was pale, had dark circles under eyes and was shaking slightly. “Sit yourself down and take it easy.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” She said, sitting herself carefully on the edge of one of Jo’s squashy sofas. Jo handed Helen a large mug of coffee.

“So I see. What’s been stopping you from sleeping?” Jo settled herself in an armchair opposite her friend, watching her carefully.

“Bad dreams.” Helen sipped her coffee, her body language giving nothing away, apart from her reticence to talk. Jo was going to have to battle hard to not slip into psychoanalysing her friend.

“Anything in particular?”

“I’m always alone.”

Jo let this one sit in the air, hoping Helen would elaborate. “I can’t stay close to anyone.” A tear ran down Helen’s cheek, but she made no attempt to brush it away. “The only person I’ve ever fallen in love with, I pushed her away.”

Jo fought to keep her expression neutral. Her? Helen had fallen in love with a woman? “Why did you push her away?”

“It got so complicated.”

This is what she’d said before. “What was complicated?” Jo asked, carefully.

“The way we felt…it was so strong.” Helen set her coffee carefully to one side, then hid her face in her hands, sobbing quietly. Jo chewed her thumbnail, not knowing whether to comfort Helen and possibly prevent her from talking, or to carry on and find out things she probably didn’t at all need to hear.

“Sounds very simple, emotionally speaking.”

“It was. It was the situation that stopped us. Me.” Helen looked up, her mascara running with the tears that were streaming down her face. “I loved her and I couldn’t even tell her.”

The sight of her friend breaking down completely broke Jo’s resolve. She crossed over towards Helen and knelt on the floor in front of her, pulling Helen in for a tight hug. Part of her was quietly praying that Helen would finally say ‘because you went off to Australia, so I want to say it now’, but the other part was telling her to shut the hell up and be a good friend. She pulled back.

“Can you tell her now?”

“No.” Helen sniffed heavily. “She said she wanted to forget, called me a coward. I couldn’t put her through the mill again. Not after that.”

“If it’s as strong as you say it is, it can happen again.” Bloody diplomatic friendships.

“I don’t think so.” Helen wiped away tears and sat upright.

“It’s not like you to give up.”

“I’m not. I’m moving on.” She drained her coffee cup and set her jaw. Jo was puzzled. Was Helen depressed the relationship had ended, or relieved? Helen looked across at the VCR, the time rapidly approaching four in the morning. “Well, I don’t fancy driving home again tonight. Where am I sleeping?”

Again, Jo was puzzled by Helen’s change in mood. “Um…did you bring a sleeping bag?”

“No.”

“Change of clothes?”

“No.”

“Oh, er…” Jo stumbled, knowing she didn’t have a spare mattress or a suitable sized sofa for Helen to sleep on.

“I thought we could make it a sleepover, like when we were kids. Same bed…you remember?” There was a twinkle in Helen’s eye, which threw Jo even further. What on earth had just happened here? Didn’t she just see her friend fairly devastated?

“Sure. Follow me. I’ll fix you up with some nightclothes, should have a travel toothbrush kicking around somewhere.”

---

Jo dug out a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt, which Helen changed into whilst in the bathroom. They fit her snugly, and Jo felt herself swallowing deeply when she saw the Scotswoman in them. “Um…make yourself comfortable and I’ll just get ready.”

---

In the bathroom, Jo steadied herself against the sink and surveyed her own reflection. She looked as bemused as she felt. Running the faucet and then splashing her face with water, Jo vowed to be on her best behaviour tonight. She was sure that Helen was acting out against her feelings, feigning confidence in a bid to feel less guilty or less emotional. Tempting as it was, Jo was determined to just be a good friend.

She stepped out of the bathroom and into her room to see Helen curled up underneath the duvet, a sleepy smile on her face. Jo slid into the bed next to her, settling close to the edge. Helen wasn’t having any of it, and put an arm round Jo’s waist to pull her closer. She laid her head on the blonde woman’s shoulder.

“You’re very tense.” Helen said in a low, Scottish burr.

“I’m worried about you.” Jo replied, in a tone slightly higher than she intended.

“Hey – we’re back together now. What could possibly go wrong?” She squeezed her friend tightly.

Jo placed an arm carefully around Helen’s shoulders and stared blankly into the darkness.

Chapter Seven

Jo stirred, woken by faint whimpers from the woman next to her. Light was just starting to make an appearance in the room, and forcing her eyes open she noted that it was only 6:30. Two hours of sleep? Great. She was startled slightly by the feeling of fingernails digging into her side, and having turned round was surprised to see that Helen was cuddled up closely to Jo. Turning over gently to face her, Jo watched her friend frowning and wincing in her sleep, muttering “No, no!” every so often. Assuming Helen would rather not be woken up and forced to face Jo with what she was being tormented by, the blonde woman simply put her arm around her again, and pulled her close.

---

The next time Jo woke up, it was because she’d fallen head first out of bed. The first thing she saw was Helen above her, looking down with an amused grin on her face.

“What happened?” Jo mumbled.

“You fell out of bed.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” She sat up carefully, disentangling her legs from the duvet that had fallen with her and trying not to hit her head on the bedside table.

“Seems I got a bit affectionate last night, couldn’t get close enough.” Helen smiled, and any irritation on Jo’s part quickly evaporated.

“Nice to know I’m so loved. What time is it?”

“Ten-thirty.”

“What day is it?”

“Saturday.”

“Then shove over and stopping hogging the warm bits.” Jo slipped back under the duvet to be immediately greeted by Helen, who was manoeuvring her arms around her friend and laying her head on her shoulder.

“What have I done to deserve all this?” Jo asked.

Helen paused, looking thoughtful. “Being back.”

“I’ve been back for a while.”

“Being back with me when I need you.” Helen closed her eyes, seemingly thinking the conversation was over. Jo had other ideas.

“Only good when you need me, hey? What do you need me for?”

Slightly resigned to having a serious conversation before noon, Helen propped herself up on one elbow. “Things are hard at the moment, Jo. Work, love, life in general. It’s nice to have someone around who wants to spend time with me and to share life with, You know? Prison is its own little world. It’s hard to forget that.”

Jo considered this for a moment. “I can see what you mean. Bit enclosed, isn’t it? Obviously. Wouldn’t have many prisoners in it if it wasn’t.”

“I’m serious. Everything’s magnified and intensified. It’s claustrophobic. There seemed to be a kind of poetic justice in you taking me somewhere that was so open and expansive and…normal.”

“Okay…” Jo chose her next words carefully. “…but you don’t need to show that through such affection.” Helen pulled back, a frown on her face. “I’m not saying I don’t appreciate it, it’s wonderful. I just…it’s a little unexpected.” She paused, bringing a hand up to stroke Helen’s cheek. “I wonder what’s going on for you to want to be so close to me physically. You know I’m not going to drop you, dump you, however you want to put it. I’m wondering why you need so much reassurance from me.”

Helen raised one of her own hands to place on Jo’s, still on her cheek. She remained silent, visibly struggling to hold back tears.

“Helen?” Jo’s tone was gentle.

“Last week, at work. After you’d gone.” She paused to inhale deeply. “There’s an officer at Larkhall, corrupt bastard who’s got away with bloody murder. Fenner.”

“His name’s Fenner?” There was a faint hint of recognition in Jo’s voice.

“Jim Fenner.”

“Did he get-”

“Stabbed, yes. I just wish the prisoner who did it had done a better job.” Helen’s voice shook. Jo sat up, a look of concern on her face.

“He must be a nasty piece of work for you to advocate his demise. What’s happened?”

“After you’d gone, I went to get Pam’s file from the office. I wanted to put a few extra notes in. He was in there.” Helen’s head dropped, still trying to maintain control of her emotions. Jo stroked her hair gently.

“Go on.”

“I don’t know what I said, what I did to deserve it, but…he grabbed me, pushed me up against a filing cabinet.” Jo tilted Helen’s chin so she was looking her directly in the eye. “He groped me.” Jo’s face was pained. “He groped me between my legs.” Helen broke down completely. Shocked, angry and immediately vengeful, the blonde woman pulled her friend as close as she could and held her silently.

Helen pulled away some time later, seeming to be fully composed.

“So, you can see why I’m grateful to have you around.”

Jo exhaled loudly. “Yeah…look, however you want to deal with this, I’ll support you all the way. Kneecappings, harassment charges, or if you just want to reassert your homosexuality. Just let me know.” Jo smiled, leaving Helen thoroughly relieved that she wasn’t going to be forced into taking action or have Jo dash into Larkhall with a chainsaw and a revenge-fuelled attitude.

“Why did you leave me?” Helen asked, her tone inquisitive rather than demanding.

The smile dropped from Jo’s face. She studied Helen carefully. “Because I thought I’d found someone better.”

“Had you?”

“Course I hadn’t. Either fate or coincidence is proving that one to me right now.”

“Are you going to leave me again?”

Jo shook her head silently, pained at the thought Helen had to ask. They watched each other intently for several moments.

“I love you, Jo.” Helen’s voice had a quiet intensity to it. After a pause, Jo replied.

“I love you too.”

Helen laid down, a hand threading through Jo’s hair. She pulled her friend a little closer to her, moving in for a gentle kiss. At the last moment, Jo lifted her head and kissed Helen lightly on the forehead.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A good writer spends 5% of her time writing, the other 95% being distracted by the internet In Mandana Land



Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 462
Location: Directors Box at Aston Villa!!




mjnet Posted: 31 May 2005 07:48 pm
It doesnt have a name yet - by Bondvillain

A quickie

Chapter Eight

Jo could feel her heart pounding in her ears. She knew what she was doing, and immediately regretted it. Kissing Helen would either make her or break her – it would bring all those latent emotions exploding to the surface and she wasn’t sure how she’d cope with that. The woman she’d fought with, for and against her whole life was ready to let Jo in, in a way she’d always wanted. Wanted? Needed.

She’d imagined the scenario over and over in her head – Helen would look at Jo with those grey-green eyes that conveyed a depth of emotion that words could not express. She’d learnt to translate everything her friend was feeling by their colour and shape. She’d seen them after the arguments with Helen’s father, after splitting up with the on and off boyfriends they’d lived through during their teenage years, seen them when they sympathised with Jo’s fragile condition, seen them when she and Helen were laughing in a way that transcended their seemingly hopeless situations.

Hearing that Helen had only ever fallen in love with one person had truly cut her in half, but in the mixed messages of the evening, Jo had had to bury that as deeply as she could. It had worked well until she’d heard, in those low Scottish tones, the kind of emotion in Helen’s words that Jo had ached to hear for an inordinate number of years.

Jo’s reaction was mixed – partial soul-shattering joy, an edge of fear and a terrible gut wrenching feeling of disbelief. What if Helen was just being needy at the moment? How was Jo going to find out until it was too late and this other woman came waltzing back into Helen’s life? Why on earth was she thinking this way when she’d finally got the opportunity to do what she’d always wanted? That was exactly the reason – because she’d imagined it so many times, made it so perfect. If it didn’t match up to expectations, she was in trouble – on top of the years of teenage angst and heartbreak would be the crushing feeling that it had all been in vain.

She’d taken the only action that occurred to her at the time of the kiss – evasion. Now she was doubting it. Well, kicking herself. There was time to make amends.

Chapter Nine (I think)

Helen frowned. As pleasant as the gesture had been, it wasn't quite what she was expecting. Things had been moving quickly between them, or so Helen had thought. She recognised Jo's longing looks and sighs from their teenage years - and they seemingly hadn't changed an awful lot. Helen, however, was feeling differently. Rather than doing her utmost to control her gestures so as not to lead her friend on, she was ow trying her best to provoke something. She wasn't prepared for Jo's reticence, though. She raised her hand and ran her fingers down Jo's arm, watching as goosebumps raised on her skin.

"What's wrong?"

Jo sighed deeply. "You came here last night because of another woman."

Helen was silent for a few moments. "Yes, I did." Jo didn't respond, so Helen went on. "I dreamt about pushing her away."

"And you told me how much you want her." Jo's voice was toneless.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"What?! How did you manage to mix that up?"

"It wasn't a mix up. I meant to say that." Helen sighed.

Jo groaned and rolled onto her back, rubbing her temples. "Don't mess with my head."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"That's alright then." It clearly wasn't, as Jo's voice was laced with sarcasm.

Helen was hit with a flash of irritation. "I had my reasons - I was upset, I was confused."

"So you decided to share the confusion?"

"Listen to me, will you? I was confused because for the first time I was turning this woman away because of you."

Jo stopped rubbing her head and looked across quizzically.

"I've been thinking about you, Jo. That evening on the hillside, something changed. When we sat talking, I felt...calm. Safe. Like I was in one of the best kind of hugs."

Jo looked as though she didn't know how to react - 'safe' wasn't usually a sexy kind of adjective.

"I thought it was just nostalgia. It had been so long since we'd done something like that, I thought the hours I'd spent thinking about it afterwards was just the pleasure of having my oldest friend back."

Still a bit bemused, Jo remained silent. Helen inwardly smiled at the confused wideness in her eyes, revealing that gorgeous blue. She caught herself and carried on with the explanation.

"It wasn't the first time since you'd got back. When I gave you my phone number, I soent the evening hoping you'd ring. I thought it was because we had so much to catch up on, I was excited about hearing what you'd be up to. When you didn't ring, it threw me when I was so disappointed. We hadn't talked in six years - why did it suddenly matter so much?"

Jo smiled, unable to resist the set-up. "You'd realised just what you were missing."

Helen propped herself up on one elbow, and deadly seriously replied, "Yes, I had."

Jo's smile froze as ehr eyebrows raised. "What?"

Helen moved closer to Jo, ad rested her hand on the blonde woman's stomach. "With you that night, I felt like we shared something free, something that's been unlimited since the day we met. When I got home and closed the door, I flt it so acutely. We understand each other, can live without each other without getting offended." Helen's voice started to crack. "We don't rely on each other, but I know I'd be nothing without you."

"Hey, come here." Jo pulled Helen in for a tight hug. She felt Helen's tears drop onto her shoulder, and held her closer. Helen buried her face into Jo's neck, taking in the smell of her hair and skin. She had that feeling again, like an all encompassing emotional embrace, but wanted more. Helen pulled away from the hug and slipped a hand under Jo's shirt. She felt the other woman tense aat her touch. She leaned in a little clsoer.

"I don't want you to need me." She whispered, and ran her hand further down Jo's body, cupping between her legs. "I want you to-"

"want you." Jo groaned, her eyes closed.

Helen rubbed her nose gently against Jo's, smiling at the blonde woman's almost immediate arousal. Jo opened her eyes and pulled Helen towards her for a deep, passionate kiss.

Chapter Ten

"Good morning Dr Wilson." A cheery voice called out.

Jo suppressed a smile as she collected her security badge from reception and attached it to her jacket. She turned. "Good morning, Governor."

Helen's eyes dropped to Jo's chest. "SO, you're professionally underneath me, then?"

"I'm working only for Her Majesty's pleasure."


They left reception and walked up to the admin corridor, stepping into Helen's office. Once inside, Helen pushed Jo up against the door and thrust her tongue into the other woman's mouth. Slightly taken aback by Helen's lack of inhibitions at work, all Jo could do was moan. The Scotswoman pulled back just long enough to mutter "I want you to work for my my pleasure," before resuming her deep exploration of Jo's mouth.
Enjoying the moment thoroughly, but very aware that missing her first appointment would be horrendously unprofessional, Jo reluctantly ended the kiss.

"I have people to see, gorgeous."

Helen pouted. "I haven't seen you for days, though."

"I promise you can see me all you want tonight."

Helen dropped a hand and gave Jo's ass a firm squeeze. "All night?"

Jo pushed her hups into Helen's, ran a finger down her cheek, and whispered huskily "All night." She leant in and kissed the Scotswoman gently. "I have to go."

They hugged tightly. Jo inhaled deeply, fixing the scent of Helen's perfume in her mind before somewhat reluctantly leaving to start her day.

Helen managed to pick up her mail from her desk before her thoughts turned to Larkhall's newest therapist. Having used Jo's good work with Pam as back-up, Helen had successfully argued for a permanent, dedicated mental health specialist for the prison, and with a little cunning persuasion, had receruited Jo for the task. The last week and a half had flown by - they'd gone from sharing a friendship to sharing a bed and a place of work.

She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes, smiling as she thought of the mornings she'd woken up with a warm body pressed against her. It was a nice feeling, to be in a proper relationship again. Helen had been given flowers, been taken out to dinner, and spent nights in the arms of someone she adored. Things were comfortable, the sex was good, and they could get away with surrepticious cuddles in Helen's office. It was almost unnerving to have a functional relationship, Helen mused. Her happiness jarred a little as she thought of seeing Nikki again. There was a lifer's meeting later on this afternoon, and it would be the first time they'd meet up since...since she and Jo had....crap, this was going to be tough, she thought. Do I tell Nikki about...things? She looked at ehr watch, then remembered that the prisoner was in an OU exam. Maybe today isn't the day...I don't want to pile more anxiety on her...

Helen sighed heavily. Although relations between them had been friendly, it was hardly the way either of them had expected things to finish. The night Nikki escaped with relative success should have left Helen with nothing but enthusiasm for their future as everything had felt so amazingly right - the way they touched and kissed conveyed a connection she'd never felt with anyone else. Nikki's emotion, however, had scared Helen, and realising that she'd broken the most fundamental rules of the prison service forced her to break for safety.

Helen felt a little mental shiver. Was Jo her safety? She shook her head and started opening her post.

---

"Finish your sentences, please."

Nikki looked up at the invigilator and rolled her eyes. Where did they get these people from? She wrote the final word to her conclusion and set her pen down. As the papers were collected, she drummed her fingers on the desktop, impatient to get away from the oppressive silence of the room which reminded her far too strongly of high school. Trust her to get roped back into education by a woman, she thought. Finally granted permissionm to leave, Nikki walked out of the door, only to be greeted by Fenner's smug face. Great. From exam pressure to complete tosser in two minutes.

"Hello Nikki."

"Sir." He had a tone to him. Nikki didn't like it.

"Hope your exam went well. The amount of time you've got left, you'll be able to do a PhD."

"Go on, take the piss. About the only thing you could pass an exam in."

"I think it's a very good idea, especially for no-hopers like you."

Nikki refused to take the bait. Rather than socking him in the face, she put on a smile and eyed him with what she hoped was an air of taking the high road.

"The more you can learn, the better. For instance, did you know that your precious girlfriend, Miss Stewart, is shagging the new muppet doctor?"

That one knocked Nikki sideways. Helen was with someone else? She hadn't expected that one, and judging by the supremely smug look on Fenner's face, it wasn't just a jibe to get a reaction. Nikki had to find out for herself - maybe at the Lifer's meeting this afternoon?
Fenner opened the gate onto G-Wing. Walking towards them was an attractive blonde woman, smartly dressed and currently absorbed in a prisoner's file.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Wilson." Fenner called.

The woman stopped and looked up, her blue eyes searching for the owner of the voice. Fenner stepped forward and shook her hand firmly. "Principle Officer Jim Fenner. It's a pleasure to have you aboard."

Nikki could have sworn she saw anger flash across the doctor's face, quickly corrected before she carefully smiled and said, "call me Jo."

Fenner smiled unnervingly and turned to Nikki. "This is Nicola Wade, one of our longer term residents."

Nikki fiercly resented the forced introduction with the woman, but knew she couldn't avoid. Bloody Fenner. Much to her surprise, Wilson moved to shake Nikki's hand, and gave her a warm smile.

She doesn't know, thought Nikki.

"Well, I've got to get on, but have a good first day, doctor." Fenner sneered at Nikki and turned away, obviously pleased with a job well done.

Nikki heard Wilson exhale loudly, and turned round to see the blonde woman looking coldly after the P.O. She needed to find out more.

"You're the new therapist, yeah?" Nikki asked.

Jo looked round, and suddenly seemed to remember where she was. "Yes, yes I am. Sorry, I wasn't quite with it there. There's an awful lot to take in on your first day."

Despite herself, Nikki smiled. "Yeah, prison's a bit like that. I've been here a while and it still messes with your head."

Jo laughed. "I'm going to be a busy woman, aren't I?" she gestured to the thick file she was holding. Nikki saw Dockley's name on the front and immediately sympathised - the doctor really did have her work cut out.

"Um, could I be really cheeky?"

"You'll do well to shock me, even this early on - you wouldn't be the first person to ask me for a cake with a file or sexual favours. Or both, actually. If you outdo those I'll be impressed."

"Okay, maybe not that cheeky...I was wondering if maybe I could come and see you for a session." Jo smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Therapy session," Nikki quickly corrected, slightly irritated at the obvious link between the doctor's sexual shenanigans and the Nikki's knowledge of who it involved. "it's just that it's my appeal soon, and I'm feeling the pressure a bit. It'd be nice to get things off my chest."

Jo hesitated. "Is there a problem with that?" Nikki asked.

"Oh, no, not at all, I just don't have my diary on me...er, how about you come up to my office and we'll fix a time?"

"Sure."

They made their way out of G-Wing, and whilst walking up to Dr.Wilson's office, made small talk.

"So, your appeal? How long have you been in here?" Jo had a feeling she knew, as she vaguely recalled seeing Nikki's name in the papers once upon a time.

"Three years now. It's been an experience."

"Goodness, I'll bet. It's bad enough this side of the bars. I admire your resilience. Can't be easy to stay positive in a place like this."

"Well, you find the things to get you through. There's some amazing women in here." Nikki smiled.

They passed Helen's office, then turned right at the end of the corridor. Jo opened the door to her room and let Nikki in.

"Have a seat, I'll just find my diary...somewhere..." Jo looked slightly hopelessly around at the boxes all over the floor, and the papers piled on her desk. "This is why I don't organise or change things, never know where anything is," she muttered.

Nikki smiled. This woman was cute - she had an air of normalcy about her, and was willing to treat Nikki normally as well. Had they met on the outside, Nikki would probably be tempted. Wilson had a few curves in the right places as well...she could see Helen's attraction, however much she resented it.

"Oh, hey, found it." Nikki looked up to the doctor kneeling on the floor, her arm buried in an overflowing box. As she extracted the diary, papers spilled out. "I'll fix that later...so, I can do this afternoon at three, or...tomorrow at three. Either of those?"

"Tomorrow, if I could. I have a lifer's meeting this afternoon." Nikki saw Jo's head lift slightly at this information. She decided to poke a little further. "My weekly constitutional with Miss Stewart. Have you met her yet?"

"Helen?" Jo laughed. "Yeah,we've known each other for years and years."

"Did she use her persuasive powers to hook you into this job?"

Jo smiled indulgently. "Something like that. She claimed emotional blackmail - payback for my jetting off to Australia for a few years without taking her."

"Extended holiday?"

"Hardly. Dreams of a new life with a partner."

"Turned into a nightmare?"

Jo sighed. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry. women, hey?"

"Yeah." Jo stopped and eyed Nikki for a moment. "Gaydar?"

Nikki nodded.

"Hm, I'm going to have to be careful around you, clearly." Jo grinned.

Nikki smiled. Like you wouldn't believe, she thought.

---

Chapter Eleven

Jo sat back in her chair, forcing herself not to sigh loudly or rub her temples.

“Okay, we’re almost out of time, but one last question.” She didn’t quite know why she was bothering, as the reply was most likely to be riddled with expletives and insults much like the previous fifty minutes of conversation. “What does freedom mean to you?” Jo asked.

“Bit bleedin’ obvious, innit? Out of this sodding place.”

The doctor smiled placidly and replied. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

Dockley stood up. “Can I go now then?”

Jo rose, crossed the room and opened the door. “You may.” Dockley exited without another word.

Fuck a duck, Jo thought, talk about a baptism of fire. She was a little concerned that she wasn’t being eased in gently when she was reading Dockley’s file earlier, but even previous medical reports hadn’t quite prepared her for the barrage she got today. Jo slumped in her chair and laid her forehead on the desk, the cool veneer doing a small amount to aid the throb behind her eyes. She relished the silence for a moment or two.

“Busy day?”

Jo almost fell off her seat. “Fucking hell, Stewart, you’ve got to get warning bells or something!”

Helen closed the door behind her, her eyes immediately mischievous. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. How on earth can I make it up to you?”

Headache almost miraculously cured, Jo could think of a few things she wouldn’t mind having done to her. “You could be my naked paperweight if you want? I’ve got an untidy desk, you see.”

Helen walked slowly towards Jo, shedding her leather jacket as she went. “How about I just block the view of the desk?” She straddled the blonde woman’s lap and leant forwards. “I could replace it with something worth seeing…”

Jo shivered, her eyes fixed on Helen’s deliciously low cut top and her hands working their way slowly up the Scotswoman’s back. “Mm, okay…” she dipped her head and started kissing the top of the full breasts in front of her. Helen moaned slightly, then abruptly pushed Jo backwards and got off her lap.

“What? What happened there?”

“I have a lifer’s meeting to get to. I was just letting you in on what might happen later.” Helen winked and picked up her jacket. Jo crossed her arms and tried to feign bitter indignance.

“You’re in for it later, Stewart.”

“I better be.”

Jo laughed as she watched Helen slink out of the door. These windowless offices have their uses, she mused.

---

With a swing in her hips and a grin on her face, Helen had walked boldly into the room designated for this week’s meeting. Her good mood had, however, been immediately brought to a grinding halt by the sight of Nikki’s scowl at the end of the table. Shaz’s impromptu martial arts display had provoked ridicule from the dark haired prisoner, and now Helen was faced with finding out exactly what was wrong, a challenge she didn’t relish when Nikki was in this sort of mood. The other prisoners started gathering their books to leave.

“Are you alright? How did the exam go?”

“Yeah, it went really well.” Nikki’s tone didn’t convey any of the lightness of her words.

Perplexed, Helen asked “so why are you being so nippy?”

Nikki looked around to make sure the others had left. “Is it true you’re shagging the new muppet doctor?”

Helen took the worst course of action and said nothing, too shocked to either argue or reason.

“I just thought you’d have the decency to tell me yourself, not leave bloody Fenner to do it for you.” Not waiting around to hear words that would confirm the look she’d read on Helen’s face, Nikki strode out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

The Lifer’s Governor stood motionless for a moment or two, absorbing the bitterness in Nikki’s eyes and words, and feeling her resentment towards Jim Fenner rise like particularly unpleasant nausea.

Shit. That wasn’t what she had planned. Helen gathered her bag and jacket, and made her way slowly towards Jo’s office.

---

“You okay? You look a bit shell-shocked.”

“Yeah. Sorry, sweetheart. Busy meeting.”

Helen dropped her bag on Jo’s desk and moved towards her for a hug. Jo willingly obliged, and they embraced for several moments.

“Is that your helmet over there?” Helen asked.

“It’s the spare, but yes it’s mine.”

“Do you have your bike here?”

“I do.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

A grin spread across the blonde woman’s face. “Most likely.”

Helen picked up the helmet. “I hope you have your leathers, Miss Wilson.”

“Give me two minutes and I’ll be all kitted out. I’ve just got to pick up a file for tomorrow and I’ll be right with you.” Jo kissed Helen gently, and then disappeared out of the door.

Helen dropped into Jo’s chair. The desk really was a tip. She amused herself for a moment by trying to read an article that Jo had printed from the internet, but unable to get past the second sentence for all the psychobabble pushed it to one side. She’d never seen much of her girlfriend’s working life, as she’d disappeared to Australia soon after getting her first job, and on her return Helen had only a brief glimpse of reports Jo had filed for the Prison Service. Intrigued that she’d found an aspect of the doctor’s life she didn’t know anything about, Helen found it hard not to sneak a look at the contents of the boxes.

A small black book was lying open on top of one of them. Trying not to look like she was looking, just in case Jo came in and took exception to the nosiness, Helen squinted at it. It was a week by week diary, and by the looks of it, Jo had had a tough Monday – Meetings with Stubberfield all morning, then Dockley for an hour session. The weekly layout of the pages aided Helen’s hunt for information, and checking to see that the blonde woman wasn’t coming through the door, she looked sideways at Tuesday.

Helen wasn’t sure what shocked her more – seeing Nikki’s name pencilled in for the next day, or Jo walking through the door in full leathers.

“Are you checking my diary?” Jo asked, amused. “No secret lovers in there, I promise.”

Helen recovered quickly. “I should hope not. I’m pleased to see this evening’s free.”

“Ah, so you were seeing what I was up to.”

The Scotswoman blushed, and Jo burst out laughing.

“You couldn’t cover up to save your life, Stewart. Come on, we have a beast to straddle.”

---

“What an evening.” Helen said, breathlessly.

They were on top of another hill, somewhere in Essex this time. Jo had driven around for a while, blowing the fog from her brain whilst enjoying Helen clinging onto her tightly from behind. “Lovely, isn’t it? England’s green and pleasant land.”

“Come and sit with me.”

Jo turned to see Helen reclining against a grassy mound, her jacket revealing a very respectable amount of cleavage. “How could I resist?”

“You can’t. That’s the point.”

Jo sat down and ran a hand absent-mindedly up Helen’s thigh. “I’m under your command?”

“Absolutely. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Now I know why you went for a job with handcuffs.”

“At least you won’t complain when I take my work home with me.” Helen reached up and pulled Jo down towards her. “Kiss me.”

“If you insist.” The blonde woman feigned a little resistance, but didn’t last long as soon as Helen’s hand made its way to the back of her head and brought her into a very slow, sensuous kiss. “Mm, now what did I do to deserve that?”

Helen thought for a moment. “Letting me be free.”

Jo cocked her head, gazing at her girlfriend questioningly.

“We’ve spent the whole evening just being spontaneous. I like that. I don’t do it often.”

“Why not?”

Helen paused for a moment, wondering if the challenge was mocking or an intrigued therapist’s question. “I don’t know…I suppose my father taught me to always have plans, to concentrate on a clear goal. None of this last minute stuff.”

“He must have burst an artery when I went to Australia.”

“Well, two weeks’ notice was a bit hard for him to comprehend.”

“Well, I even have a diary now, so he can rest in peace.”

“He’d have a fit if he saw you again. Always had high hopes for you.”

“Bless. Never thought of your dad as a particularly nurturing type.”

“No, me neither.” Helen sighed. “Anyway, we’re not here to talk about him.”

“What are we here to talk about, then? Is this another Stewart agenda in disguise?”

“No!” Helen hit Jo playfully on the arm. “I told you, spontaneous.”

Jo stared at the sunset thoughtfully. “Do you think this is a right or a privilege?”

Helen smiled, looking forward to a few mental gymnastics. “Which bit? Sitting here? Having this conversation? Being together? Being spontaneous?”

Jo shrugged. “Whichever you want.”

“Well, I think having certain choices is a privilege. Look at us – we spend our day in a place where women have lost that, then we can go out and do whatever we want.”

“Can we?”

“Well, no. Obviously. We get reminded of that everyday. Where is this going?”

“Nowhere, really. I just spent my lunch break wondering whether prison does actually limit these women’s right to choose, or whether it leaves them more free in different ways.”

“What? They spend their lives locked in cells. Where’s the freedom there?”

“Ah, but think of the things they don’t have to do anymore. Pay taxes. Worry about paying rent. There’s a whole lot of new time to just…think.”

“That might appeal to you, my gorgeous thoughtful girlfriend, but not to the likes of Michelle Dockley.”

“Tell me about it. Her life is defined by swearing and finding out where she can next flash her boobs to get her some power.”

“Try it on with you, did she?”

Jo laughed. “She’d have had me on the desk if she thought it would get her out of talking. Maybe I’m just being idealistic.”

“What?!”

“Not about sex on the desk, you dirty cow. I haven’t had enough experience of prison life. There’s me sitting thinking these women have an amazing opportunity to think about life, the universe and everything, when they’re probably more worried about getting their heads caved in by nutters like Dockley.”

“You’re learning, my sweet.” Helen kissed Jo gently. “We should probably get back soon. You’ve got work tomorrow.”

“Er, so have you.”

“Very good reason for you to come to bed with me then, I think.”

“I agree.” Jo laid back on the grass. She was exhausted. Everyday can’t be like this, can it? “Do you know Nicola Wade at all?”

Helen stalled for a moment, surprised by the formal way Jo had named Nikki. Then another thought struck her – had Fenner told Jo something? “Yes, quite well, why?”

“She’s asked to see me tomorrow. I was a little surprised – she says she’s really close to her appeal. I just thought she might have other things to think about.”

“Well, appeals are stressful times. Not every prisoner goes through it, so it can be quite a lonely experience. Probably helps to talk to a stranger.”

“What’s she like? She seemed okay today. Certainly not a Dockley type.”

“Yeah, she’s…intelligent. A bit strong minded, though. If she doesn’t like you, you’ll know about it.” Helen regretted the words as soon as she’d said them. She suddenly remembered walking in on Nikki as the prisoner was doing her best to threaten Fenner with an unfortunate bottle wound. Another thought immediately followed that – Jo wasn’t going to be Nikki’s favourite person either.

She wouldn’t, would she?

Chapter Twelve

Two fifty.

Jo was nervous. She paced her office, trying to concentrate on her breathing and release the preconceptions that were weighing on her mind. Everything was fine until the end of lunch, when Helen had hugged her and whispered "be careful" quietly. It was almost as if she hadn't meant to say it out loud....or was Jo just being paranoid now?

Nikki's file hadn't made for easy reading in places - particularly after the incident and her first year in prison. Jo was intrigued to see that it took a strong hand from Helen to 'tame' her, or at least direct her energy onto a degree course. It sounded very Helen.

It was the statement to the police that had chilled Jo the most. As much as she could understand how emotions would be running extremely high, and that the temptation to fight against her bad treatment would be immense, the venom in the statement was disturbing. It was at odds with Jo's impression of the woman - articulate, perceptive and to use one of the doctor's favourite analogies, with as many layers as an onion.

She inhaled deeply, held her breath, and exhaled her negativity. Jo had never allowed herself to be coloured before a consultation, and she wasn't about to start now.

The door opened. Nikki walked in and nodded at her.

"Have a seat, Nikki."

"Thank you." She sat in the armchair in the corner of the room, the one usually used by Jo herself. It was an interesting move, on which she was sure Nikki had taken on purpose.

"How's your morning been?"

"Do you not take notes?" Nikki asked.

"Only when I'm specifically required to file a report."

"No-one's checking up on me, then?"

"Strictly confidential." Nikki had immediately gone on the defence, so Jo decided reassurance would be the best place to start.

"My morning's been much of a muchness. Got stared at through a hole in the door, showered, ate crap for breakfast, did some gardening, ate crap for lunch, read for a bit, then came up here." Nikki folded her arms and looked defiant. Jo wasn't entirely surprised - someone as strong-willed as Nikki was bound to have issues with opening up to a stranger.

"You work in the garden?"

"Yeah. It keeps me sane. It's a way of watching time go past without making those little marks on the walls."

"Gives you an element of control as well, I'd imagine?"

Nikki looked puzzled.

"Well, whatever you do now, you can be certain it'll affect the future. It might only be arrangements and whether your flowers live or die, but it's on thing you can be sure of."

Nikki gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, tell me about it. The only reason I'm still here is because Dockley hasn't decided to rtub me out. Even my bloody appeal's in the hands of someone else."

"You sound like you don't approve."

"Well...I'd rather know more about the process. Claire's pretty much in charge of it. She's good, I trust her. Helen recommended her."

"Claire Walker?" Jo asked.

Nikki frowned. "Just how well do you know Helen?"

"Childhood friends. Picked Claire up along the way. Poor woman never knew what hit her."

Nikki regarded Wilson for a few moments. Jo didn't drop her gaze.

"So how is your appeal going? How are you feeling about it?"

"I'd be very pleased to be releaed, obviously. Well, I think. Things have changed so much from when I got put in here, I don't really know what life on the outside is going to be like." Nikki began looking at the floor carefully.

"What sort of things?"

"Love, life, laundry."

"Which one of those the most?"

"What do you think?"

Jo smiled. "I'm good, but I'm not that good."

Nikki exhaled loudly and ran a hand through her hair. "My girlfriend left me for another woman. I'd been in for about two years. I think she just decided she couldn't wait. Don't blame her. Ten years is a long time."

"That must have been a real blow."

"You think? It was a bit surreal, to be honest. She was just so worried about upsetting me, I ended up making excuses to make her feel better."

"Well, fcrom what I understand, she is the reason why you're here. You were naturally going to be looking out for her. Do you begrudge it?"

"No, not at all." Nikki sounded almost irritated. "She was nine years of my life. She's worth every minute."

"You still have strong feelings for her?"

"Not the same as when we were together." There was a pregnant pause. "And I don't think what I had with Trish was one hundred per cent true love."

Jo was a little taken aback. "Really How do you know?" She stopped. "Sorry, that sounded disbelieving. What I mean is how have you come to that conclusion?"

Nikki uncrossed her arms and, sat back in her chair and watched Jo carefully. "Because I've felt it. Been a part of it."

Jo smiled. "The therapist side of me wants to know how you controlled this in the prison environment. The romantic side of me wants to know what it felt like."

Both were to Nikki's advantage "Do I get to pick which side?"

"Indulge me."

"You know how people talk about when the love of their life walks in the room and their heart starts racing?"

"In every romantic comedy I've ever seen."

"Well, as long as she was in the building, I had tachycardia."

Jo laughed. "That good, huh?"

"She just had to look at me once, and it would last a whole week. When we spent time together, it was liek having some sort of biploar disorder. Just being with her made me so, so happy, a different plane of happiness to anything I'd felt before. But at the same time, it was always limited - what we could say, what we could do."

"Why."

"Because she wasn't a prisoner. We stole moments when we could in the art room, in her office."

Surprised, but not totally shocked, Jo pressed a little more. "That must have been an awful lot of pressure."

"It was. Makes a girl do stupid things." Nikki said, mysteriously.

"Like?"

Nikki sighed heavily. She had to risk it. "This stays between you and me, right?"

"Of course."

"I escaped."

Immediately grateful for her years of emotional training, Jo kept her shock under control to ask, "why? I assume it was more than just a desire to get over the wall. You're brighter than that."

"Thank you. I upset her. I had to tell ehr I didn't mean what I did. I have a tendency to get a bit carried away - she'd be the first to tell you. Anyway, I had to see her."

"It must have been a strong love to make you do something so drastic. There was an awful lot at stake if you'd have got caught."

"My appeal paled in comparison. She was everything to me. Made me smile, made me cry, kept me going week and week...she was part of me, and the thought of being without her meant I was going to be missing a part of me. I had to tell her."

"That's a pretty overwhelming state to be in."

"She thought so too. She told me that night that my appeal was going to be much more difficult to get through to court. At that moment, I was free, and the way I felt anything was possible. I suggested going to San Francisco."

"You asked a prison service employee to run away with you?" Jo asked, amused. Her only real experience of a prison officer was Helen, and the thought of the Scotswoman's reaction to such a proposition almost made Jo laugh at loud.

"With hindsight, it wasn't my smartest move. I scared her off., it was too much. It seemed like a good idea at the time, though, I thought she felt the same way I did. We'd just had amazing sex." Noticing Jo's wry smile, Nikki added, "it was amazingly emotional, not just physical. She ran her hands over me and thouched my soul..." she topped, gather ing herself. "I felt like a teenager again."

Jo smiled again, remembering her teenage years with a mixture of nostalgia and bitterness. "If it was anything like my teens, I honestly don't envy you."

"Rough?"

"The joys of unrequited love."

"Was she gay?"

"Are they ever?"

Nikki laughed - she'd been there a few times herself. "Yeah well, it's like that now. She told me it was too much, what we felt was too strong. She finished it."

"Ouch."

"yeah, it was a whoel new type of pain. I still want to reach out and touch her, hold her and tell her that she was my world..."

Jo cringed.

"Sorry, was that too much?" Nikki asked.

"No, not at all. Just dragged up a few bad memories."

"The unrequited love?"

"Yes. Screwed me up badly for a while. It's how I ended up a therapist."

Nikki started a little. She wondered if this was Helen - Jo had already said they'd been friends a long time...she was straight til not long ago. It was certainly a possibility. The news almost made her feel guilty. Not quite enough, though. "At least you got a job out of it. The owman I love has just started going out with someone else. She didn't tell me, though."

"Ouch again."

"Especially when I still have to see her."

Inwardly, Jo froze. "Is there a chance you'll see her if you appeal is successful?"

"I'll try my best to win her back."

Jo smiled in a way that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I wish you the best of luck." She checked her watch. "I'm afraid that's all we;ve got time for right now. Wow, I sound like a TV presenter. Anyway, it's up to you how you want to take this."

Nikki wondered what was coming - was this going to be the challenge for Helen?

"Whether you want to continue the sessions or not."

Damn, the prisoner thought, she hasn't taken it. "Yeah, I'd like to do that."

"Same time next week?"

"Yeah, I don't have any wild social plans."

"Just don't escape without telling me." Jo winked, and held the door open. "Take care and I'll see you soon."

"Bye, doctor." Nikki left.

Jo closed the door and exhaled loudly. She'd had a lot to take in for an hour. Still sees her around and she's just got involved with someone else...got pushed away because it was too much... Shit. Stop and think. Go through things slowly, she thought. Yes, there's a possibility it's Helen. It is, however, only a possibility. Besides - it's over. helen said so. Nikki said so. Don't worry about it. Just get on with the day. It might just be a wind up, anyway.

She sat at her desk and stared at Nikki's file, on top of a wobbly pile of papers. Deciding discretion would be the better part of valour, Jo began to open her mail. As she did so, the door opened again. It was Helen.

"How did it go? Are you okay? What did she say?"

Chapter Thirteen

Jo raised an eyebrow. "And there was me thikning you'd come to inquire about my wellbeing."

Helen blushed and said, "I'm sorry, I just know how difficult she can be."

"Yeah?"" It wasn't a genuine enquiry, nor an invitation to embellish further, particularly as Jo had started reading a piece of paper.

"What did you talk about?"

"Patient confidentialty, my lovely."

Helen wasn't expecting that one. "Sorry?"

"No report requested, no deep, dark revelations given."

"Oh, come on." Helen crossed the room and gently kissed the top of her head. "You can tell me."

Jo put down the letter and wrapped her arms around Helen's waist. "No can do, my sweet. I have an agreement to stick to."

"Agreement?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality. If I was a medical doctor, you wouldn't expect me to tell you abotu Wade's inner workings."

Slightly put out, Helen stepped away. "I suppose so."

Jo watched her survey the room. After a pause, Helen continued. "Did she mention me?"

The blonde woman resumed her reading. "Why would she?" Her tone was unreadable.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"You're being rather obtuse." Obtuse wasn't the word, thought Helen.

"She's just an unusual personality who gave me a lot to think about."

"Really?" Helen was bracing herself for bad news.

"About the nature of incarceration."

"Sounds very psychological."

"Things get like that in this room."

There was another silence as Helen sat down in the armchair and watched Jo flick through a textbook.

"When are you going to organise your office?" Helen had decided that being less direct might get her a few more answers.

Jo looked up, a wry smile on her face. "I was going to leave it until you got so annoyed you'd do it for me."

"Cheeky sod. What are you up to this evening?"

"I should get on with my conference paper."

"So I won't see you?" The slight whine in Helen's voice was carefully engineered to melt the heart of the most distracted therapist.

"You're more than welcome to come round, my dear. I'm just going to have to work for a while. We could get a takeaway in, watch a late night film or something?"

"Okay. Will I get cuddles?"

"Of course."

Helen shuffled in her chair. She wanted to know what Nikki had said, if anything. She knew this wasn't Jo's thoughtful mood, this was a slightly agitated mood. It worried her.

---

Later that evening, Jo chewed a spring roll absently mindedly as she pondered the conclusion to her paper. She and Helen were in her living room, Jo sittin gon the floor with her laptop, Helen curled up on the sofa with Toni Morrison's Love. Reaching for the remains of the egg fried rice, Jo sighed.

"Give it a rest for tonight, sweetheart. You've been at it for hours."

"The eating or the working?"

"You know what I mean." Helen out the book to one side and dropped down next to Jo. "We can take a break," she added as she started kissing Jo's neck.

Still irritated and wanting to work, Jo mumbled, "give me ten minutes."

"What is wrong with you this evening?" Helen asked, extremely frustrated.

"I told you I was going to be working, dn't get ratty at me."

"You've been like this since your session with Nikki."

"She got me thinking."

"About 'the nature of incarceration', I know, I know."

"Then why ask? Anybody would think you had an alterior motive?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

Helen panicked. "I need more wine." She got up and went into the kitchen, picked up the bottle of red and swigged from it. This was not going well. What on earth had Nikki said? What if Jo knew? Should she say something, or try and distract her away from it? She went back into the lounge.

"Claire is Nikki's lawyer."

"So she said." Jo frowned, knowing Helen was avoiding the inevitable.

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Why should it?"

"Well, you never finished on the best of terms."

Jo looked up from her laptop and winked. "That's what you think?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean, my lovely." Jo's light tone covered the true meaning of her words. You have your secrets and I'll have mine.

Much to Helen's annoyance, she found herself smiling. "You're bloody infuriating."

"All part of my charm."

Helen sighed and sat down next to Jo. "What are you writing about?"

"Drugs, crime, etc."

"The psychology of prisons."

"Sadly, yes."

"Makes me wonder if I'll ever change things."

Jo put her arm around Helen's waist. The worry in the Scotwoman's voice was too geniune for her to start a fight now. "With a Stewart superteam in place, how could you fail?" She kissed Helen's head.

"What would I do without you?" Helen asked, her hreen-grey eyes looking sad.

"Live a meaningless existence."

"Probably." helen leaned in and kissed Jo, a slow, probing kiss that made the blonde woman shiver. She pulled away. "I love you."

Jo smiled, and softly replied, "I know."

Chapter Fifteen

Back on the wong, Nikki was having a frustrating time trying to understand femi's latest outburst. Although the new prisoner had come back from a session with Dr Wilson with a drawing of her family, it hadn't revealed exactly what she was worried about. Nikki's frustration was twofold - Femi was clearly having a shitty time that was being made infinitely worse by a lack of understanding or even caring about her problems by prison officers and prisoners alike, and that Helen didn't seem to give a toss either was annoying Nikki immensely. Nikki didn't know if the power had gone to her head, or if she'd just forgotten what she'd experienced as Wing Governor.

Pacing her cell, Nikki was trying to think of a way to redress the balance, but other than protesting repeatedly to Helen little was going to have an affect. Even pestering the governor was bound to get her into the bad books, somewhere Nikki was determined not to be. She wanted to maximise any chances she had to get back with Helen, especially with the introduction of Jo into the equation. Nikki sighed and sat down on her bed, running her hands through her hair. It would have been easier if Helen had just gone out with a bloody man, the prisoner thought. At least that way it would be some sort of cruel closure, the end of the rollercoaster ride that would stay with her for the rest of her life. Shaking images of Helen and her leather jacket out of her mind, Nikki distracted herself with making some sort of plan for Femi.

Barbara walked into the cell, her diary in hand. "The phone cards didn't last long," she said.

"They've run out already?"

"I suppose she's been calling internationally."

"And she won't be able to get any more until Friday, either." Nikki grunted with frustration.

Barbara placed a sympathetic hand on Nikki's shoulder. "Come on, we'll try and change the world after we've washed."

Nikki smiled weakly, gathered her towel and washbag, and followed Barbara out of the cell.

---

As they stood in line to be let back onto the landing, they became aware of a disturbance in the office. For some reason, Femi was getting a good battering at the hands of two prison officers whilst Hollamby was fretting about being attacked. Nikki shouted warnings to be careful with the prisoner, but they clearly fell on deaf ears as Femi was thrust head first against the bars before being carted off down the Block.

---

"I think we should do a protest or something, make them tell us what's happening" Crystal said, passing the pool cue to Nikki.

"Like your hunger strike?" Julie S asked.

"Well, it worked for me, didn't it?" Crystal replied.

"What do you think?" Barbara asked as Nikki cued her shot.

"I think we've got too much to lose, the screws know that," Nikki sighed, imagining her appeal scuppered by an extreme diet campign.

"Well, i think it's an outrage," Barbara stated. The Julies and Crystal nodded in agreement. "Nikki, what do you think?" she asked.

The dark-haired prisoner straightened, and weighed up her options. Yvonne had already warned her against fighting other people's battles, but Nikki sense of injustice was too strong to ignore this one. Femi wasn't a dangerous criminal and didn't deserve to be treated like one. She set down her pool cue, and pulled up a chair to stand on to make her first political speech.

---

Helen hugged Claire tightly. "Thanks for this, you know I really appreciate it."

"You can owe me a drink later" Claire replied, smiling.

The phone on Helen's desk rang. She answered itt, and the lawyer watched as her face slowly fell.

"What? Alright, I'll be right down." She replaced the receiver. "I'm sorry, Claire, I have to go. Apparently I have a wing full of prisoners wanting to make their point heard. You know your way out?" Claire nodded. "I'll ring you later." elen picked up a radio and ran out of the door.

Claire agthered up her papers and put them in her bag. She walked out of the office, but instead of turning left to make her way out, she turned right, walking along the corridor and reading the names on the doors. Bingo. Claire hovered outside for a moment, then lifted a hand to knock before she entered.
Before she did so, the door swung open.

"Fucking hell!" Jo exclaimed, unsure of what she was more surprised at - seeing Claire at her office, or seeing Claire at her office with her fist raised. "What the?"

"Um, hi." Claire said.

"Er, hey. I didn't...I mean...er...I'm not sure what I mean. Do you want to come in?"

"Please." She was very unsurprised to find the room in total chaos.

"Have a seat."

"On one of the piles?" Claire asked, slightly facetiously.

"If your arse will fit on them" Jo replied, far more facetiously.

"I did miss your unique brand of humour." Claire sat down on the sofa.

"It's part of my charm."

"I never knew you had any. After all, you never rang me," Claire said, an amused smile on her face.

Jo sat in the armchair. "And you never rang me." They laughed. "So how are you?"

"Oh, you know, busy. There's usually somebody around who doesn't want to go to prison."

"Or wants you to get someone out" Jo replied, with a grin.

"Good old Helen. Recruiting us on her mission to change the world."

"At least it pays well."

"Then you can take me out to dinner."

"Now why would I want to do that?"

"Because you've missed me so very much and you never called."

Jo laughed. "How about I make the extra effort and cook instead?"

"Your cooking had better have improved." Claire remembered the last time Jo had made dinner for her - they'd narrowly avoided calling the fire service.

"Will Pot Noodle do you?"

"You're a classy woman, Wilson."

"I do my best. Come round about seven. I should have sacrificed the buffalo by then - you can help me with the skinning," Jo said, smirking as she wrote down her address.

"Sometimes I really do wonder why I didn't snap you up when I had the chance."

"The excitement would have killed you."

"It would have done something." Claire stood up and piked up her bag. See you tonight."

"Will do."

Jo smiled, watching as Claire left.
Interesting, she thought.

Chapter Sixteen

Claire made sure her skirt was straight, checked she did have the bottle of wine in her hand and knocked on the door. Jo’s form appeared in the window, distorted by the rippled glass.

“Nice to see you’ve made the effort,” Claire said as the door opened.

“I thought an old t-shirt and crappy jeans were befitting of the occasion.”

“How do you explain the flour in your hair?”

“Explosion in the kitchen.”

“Wow, and you haven’t even let me in the door yet.”

“Subtle, Claire. You better come on in, then,” Jo said, standing aside and gesturing towards the living room. “I am planning on getting changed before dinner, I just thought it best not to cook in something decent because I’m bound to spill.”

“Or fall in it, apparently,” Claire replied, looking pointedly at Jo’s impromptu hair colouring.

“Mock me not, wench, otherwise you’ll be wearing it rather than eating it.”

“If you’re planning on knocking me down with your charm tonight, you’re going the right way about it.”

“Good. Now stay here and don’t touch anything until I get back. I’ll even give you a glass for the red if you promise to behave.”

“You know how to treat a girl,” Claire called as Jo disappeared into the kitchen. She automatically stood up and headed towards the CD collection, perusing the eclectic mix of modern and classical albums.

“I told you to sit still,” Jo said as she came back in, offering Claire a glass.

“I’m a lawyer,” Claire countered, “I’m used to giving out instructions, not paying attention to them.”

“Don’t I know it,” Jo muttered as she left the room to go and change.

“Heard that!” Claire smiled, selecting a best of Texas to put in the stereo. Having adjusted the volume to her satisfaction, she walked around the front room noting the lack of real decoration or personal touches. There weren’t any photos hanging up, no nick-nacks that had been acquired from travelling – unusual for someone who’d been to the other side of the world, Claire thought – just the furniture, the music equipment and a large bookcase. She wandered over to it, again musing at the mixture of classics, modern and children’s literature, and the two bottom shelves dedicated to hefty looking psychiatry related tomes.

“If you find the right book and pick it up you’ll reveal the secret entranceway,” Jo said, leaning against the doorframe with a grin on her face.

“You mean I can get away?” Claire replied, pretending to frantically pull out books.

“You mean you want to leave? Thank goodness for that, I was thinking I was going to have to make awkward conversation with you all night.”

“In that case, what’s for dinner?”

“Bugger. Chicken Veronique with green beans and carrots.”

“Ooh, that sounds a bit classy for you. How did you manage that one?”

“Good old Delia. Actually, I better check I’m not overboiling. Be right back.”

Looking for a little more fodder, Claire followed Jo into the kitchen. Much to her surprise, it was like a Delia kitchen – the surfaces were spotless, all the washing up had been done and there were no signs of culinary catastrophe.

“You MUST have cheated,” she said, not believing from previous experience that this sort of order was possible.

“No. I ordered out,” Jo replied, deadpan.

“Knew it.”

“Cheeky sod, no I didn’t. Check out the pots of gently boiling veg.”

“Alright, I’m impressed. You’ve progressed from student cuisine,” Claire said, begrudgingly.

“Thank you, now sit down at the table and I’ll bring you your starter.”

“Starter as well? You are treating me well.”

“Go, sit,” Jo said, ushering Claire out of the room.

“Spoke too soon,” Claire replied.

---

Half an hour later, Claire and Jo were halfway through the main course.

“I can’t believe you gave me a Pot Noodle for a starter,” Claire said, preparing to flick a carrot at the woman across the table.

“I just couldn’t let you get away with it.”

“I was ready to tell you this evening that I had actually missed you a little bit, now I realise it was just nostalgia.”

“Absolutely,” Claire replied, a broad smile on her face. “So how’s life been treating you?”

“It’s okay. Work is quite exciting, I get to take on a few high-profile cases, which are nearly always a challenge. Nikki Wade’s a good one.”

“Is she going for an innocence plea?”

“No, wants her sentence reduced to manslaughter rather than murder. This chicken is fantastic, by the way.”

“Thank you very much.”

“I’m intrigued as to how you got flour in your hair, though. There’s no pastry in this.”

Jo dropped her gaze and concentrated on cutting a green bean.

“Well?” Claire asked.

“I opened a cupboard and the flour bag fell on my head. How’s your love life?”

Claire spluttered and choked from trying to swallow and laughing at the same time. After a few minutes of laughter, Jo finally said “You know, I didn’t miss you much either.”

Finishing off her glass of wine, Claire eventually recovered. “I’m sorry. You’re just a disaster in the kitchen,” she smiled. “My love life is…dull, really. I broke up with Rachel-”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“-about two years ago, been dating on and off, but no-one to really float my boat. Work is just a bit more interesting at the moment. You’ve not done so badly – finally snagged Helen.”

Jo paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Oh dear. Not everything you thought it would be?”

“Well, she’s hiding a few things from me. I’m not used to that,” Jo replied, her voice quiet.

“What sort of things?”

“Just past relationships.”

“What, Sean?”

“No, not him. Wade,” Jo said, looking up to judge Claire’s reaction.

“Ah.” Claire’s face said it all.

“So Wade’s not just pulling my leg?”

“I’m not sure it’s my place to say, Jo.”

“I suppose not. I just wish Helen would say something. I don’t think there’s anything going on right now, but I wonder if it’s really over,” Jo said, prodding her chicken with her fork.

“I can’t speak for Helen. You should ask her. If there’s nothing wrong, she’ll appreciate your honesty. You know what she’s like.”

Jo looked thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll give it a go. Thanks, you.”

“Most welcome. Is there any more chicken?”

“Sure, I’ll get it for you.” Jo rose and left the room.

“Any dessert?”

“Swiss roll, cream and smarties,” came the reply.

“Another old time dish.”

Jo came back in, brandishing a chicken breast. “Only the classiest for you. More wine?”

“Yeah, go on. I don’t have to be in until late. Have you heard from Helen tonight?”

“No, I called to tell her I was fraternising with another woman, but there wasn’t a response. She must be working late or something.”

“I’m ‘another woman’?” Claire asked, feigning incredulity.

“Oh, but not just any other ‘another woman’, if that makes sense. Maybe I should slow down on the wine,” Jo said, giggling slightly.

“Well, whilst your defences are down, I’ll ask again – why didn’t you call me?”

Jo flushed slightly. “I didn’t, er, think it entirely appropriate at the time.”

“You mean in the week leading up to your emigration? You didn’t have the time? You surprise me,” Claire ribbed, enjoying seeing Jo squirm.

“I’m full of them.”

“You’re full of something. What was Australia like?”

“Warm.”

“I can see by your tan,” Claire said, admiring how Jo’s simple white blouse brought out her even, healthy-looking colouring.

“Christmas on the beach was a bit odd, and I never thought I would actually see a real live wombat, but I did.”

“Miss it?”

“Sometimes. It’s nice to be back home, though. Things have a nice familiarity to them. With a few changes, of course.”

Feeling she was in with a chance with the wine flowing, Claire hedged her bets. “Why did she do it?”

“Who?”

“Samantha.”

Jo shrugged, then regaining her sense of humour, said, “bad taste – what other reason might there have been?” She grinned.

“Did she find out?” Claire asked, seriously.

Jo paused for a moment and watched Claire closely. “No.”

“Does Helen know?”

“No.” Jo swigged from her wine glass.

“Just between you and me, hey?” Claire said, half to herself.

Jo smiled and nodded. “Quite a night.”

They sat in silence for a moment, musing quietly. Claire spoke first. “Do you ever think about it?”

Jo laughed. “Let me get you dessert.”

Chapter Seventeen

Helen sat down heavily at her desk and sighed loudly. She’d got a full blown riot on her hands, and very little useful support. Although area management had told her to back off, her officers were champing at the bit to go and kick the shit out of the prisoners – a situation she found incredibly depressing.

Deciding that she should stow some strong whiskey in her filing cabinet for comfort in future dire situations, Helen selected a textbook from her bookshelf. She knew it was a fairly pointless exercise as her schooling had long been replaced by actual experience, which far outdid the theory. She knew she wasn’t going to find the answer to ending the riot, but she hoped she’d find a reason for why she was still doing the job. After everything she and Nikki had been through, Nikki goes and does this – rebels against her own system.

She tossed the book aside and buried her face in her hand, fighting back tears. She had to do it – she had to sever as many ties as possible with the prisoner and get on with her life. Claire and Jo had, to some extent, renewed her vigour for the job as they were helping to change this little part of her world, but Helen still felt empty inside. Guiltily, she thrust the thoughts aside as Rossi came in.

“Nikki Wade wants to see you, ma’am.”

Helen cursed inwardly – it was now or never.

---

JO walked through the gates of Larkhall the next morning, and had seemingly stepped into total chaos. The overwhelming presence of the emergency services was a very bad sign, as were the smouldering swingers and unravelled toilet rolls in the courtyard. A burly policeman approached Jo.

“May I see your ID, miss?”

“Of course…what the hell has been going on?” she asked, presenting her pass.

“It’s what happens when you keep a bunch of hooligans together. Oh dear, I don’t envy your job,” the policeman said, having read Jo’s ID. She frowned.

“I don’t envy your victims, either,” she snapped, taking back the pass and stalking towards the entrance. Jo felt a little guilty – Helen had obviously been here whilst she and Claire had been enjoying a fun, relaxing evening. She paused at Helen’s door, wondering whether it would be better to be supportive, or back off until things calmed down. The corridor echoed eerily with the enraged shouts of the incarcerated prisoners.

Without knocking, Jo entered the office. Helen was looking into a cup of coffee as if she were about to drown herself in it.

“Er…rough night?” Jo suggested.

Helen looked up. Her face was pale, her eyes red rimmed with dark circles underneath them. “If I had the energy, I’d come over there and beat you with this mug.”

“I’ll head off, then,” Jo said, retreating rapidly out of the door.

As it clicked shut, tears began to roll down Helen’s cheeks.

---

Nikki buried her face in her pillow and pulled the thin bedcover up over her head. She just wanted some privacy, a chance to mourn the end of the relationship and curse herself and her fellow prisoner’s idiocy. Nikki had difficulty understanding Helen’s objection to her protest – she was convinced that although they were on different sides of the bars, they wanted the same things. Clearly not, Nikki thought bitterly. The stubborn part of her thought that now she knew, she was better off on her own. The vulnerable part, which had been putting in a very good show for several hours now, was reminding Nikki that life without Helen was going to take some getting used to.

The cell door opened, but Nikki didn’t make any effort to see who it was. She didn’t really care.

“Morning, Nikki.”

“Piss off,” she spat.

“No.”

Nikki groaned and pulled the bed sheet off her head, looking around enough to survey the cell with one eye. Jo was standing by the sink, arms crossed and looking like she wasn’t about to move. Rather than brazen it out, Nikki gave in.

“What do you want?”

“The pleasure of your delightful company. Can I sit?” Jo asked, perching herself on the end of Nikki’s bunk.

“Whatever.”

“I told you tell me if you had any grand plans.”

“I didn’t start that riot.”

“I never said you did. Bloody-minded you might be, but stupid? Not all the time.”

“Did Helen send you here to insult me?”

“No, why would she?”

“Because your little lover girl has refused to have anything more to do with me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Jo said.

“Bollocks you are,” Nikki retorted, turning to face the wall. “You’re just extending a professional courtesy, you couldn’t give a shit about me.”

“Shut up and listen, Wade,” Jo hissed. “I’m very interested in you, and not just because my girlfriend want to screw you. You seem to have the sort of brains that could get you out of here before your sentence ends, but you very rarely engage them. I’m not your lawyer, God help her, so I can’t argue your case directly but I can try and help you control that gob of yours so you keep out of shit like last night. If you’d rather ignore what I have to say and carry on adding misdemeanours to that enormous bloody list you already have, then feel free – but part of me thinks, hopes probably, that you sought me out to talk to as well as gloat over. You’re a bright woman, Wade, you should not be in here.”

Jo stood up and walked towards the door. She paused, then turned back. “And what I have to say might just help you get back into Helen’s good books. That’s more than a bloody professional courtesy, so I suggest you drag your sorry arse out of bed and come and see me before the end of the day.” Jo left.

Nikki sat up, slightly bewildered. She frowned at the cell door, then reluctantly pulled a blouse off the back of a chair.

Chapter Eighteen

Helen tossed the file she was reading to one side, and got up to look out of the office window. She was both surprised and annoyed to see Jo and Nikki walking together and talking enthusiastically about something. They disappeared from view, leaving Helen to stare blankly at the prison gardens. She hadn’t expected to see Nikki so cheerful so soon after the ‘conversation’, and Helen noted guiltily that she’d have preferred a little more devastation from the woman who was supposedly in love with her. As Helen continued to watch, new prisoner Caroline sat on one of the benches in the garden. She appeared to be drawing, a past time Helen thought was most unlikely for someone with her conviction.

The governor sat back at her desk and sighed. She never thought that she’d be called upon to protect someone involved in the vile world of child pornography. Helen almost laughed in disgust at the manner in which she was actively encouraged to create a new back story to protect Caroline, but had to battle and negotiate for several hours to get an interpreter for Femi. She sighed again and rubbed her eyes. She’d never admit to Nikki, but Helen knew she really was the system.

---

“Well, I’m glad you took my advice, Nikki. Have a seat,” Jo said, smiling as Wade planted herself in the armchair again. “So, let me hear it. Your side of what happened.”

Nikki took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She’d caught up with the doctor quickly after their conversation this morning, and Jo had kept her promise by giving her a few tips on how to keep her temper and her mind straight, to work on until their appointment that afternoon.

“Well, Femi arrived on the wing a week or two ago. Some women are pretty quiet at first, so when she didn’t say anything at all, we just assumed she was just scared – it does happen. She didn’t respond to any of us at all, though, and it wasn’t until we heard a few of Bodybag’s choice racist comments that we realised what was happening. It sounds a bit stupid and naïve, really. We didn’t notice for far too long.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but the PO’s didn’t tell you what was going on?” Jo asked, incredulous.

“Well, the wing governor’s away at the moment, so things have been shittier than usual.”

“But no-one explained her situation?”

Nikki shook her head. Jo rubbed her forehead. “Okay, sorry, go ahead.”

Nikki explained their attempts to get Femi in contact with her family, the discussions she’d had with the others, and the attempts at a peaceful protest, pleased to see the look of disbelieving disgust on Jo’s face.

“Well, Nikki, I’m extremely sorry you took all the blame for it. You’ve gone far beyond your call of duty.”

“Someone had to bloody stick up for her, didn’t they? I can’t believe Helen didn’t help me out.”

“Me too.” Jo stopped for a moment to make a mental note on the subject of her next paper. “I can’t answer for the side you’re against, but I’d be interested to hear if you feel if anything positive came out of the whole thing.”

“Well, Femi got her interpreter, which was okay.”

“Only okay?”

“It shouldn’t have bloody happened in the first place,” Nikki started, then held herself back so as not to go off on one.

“Good point. Anything else positive?”

Resisting the temptation to rant about Helen’s unfair treatment of her, Nikki wrestled her mind round to something else. “Caroline.”

“Ah yes, the self-defence expert with impeccable timing,” Jo smiled. “What happened with her?”

Nikki looked at her trainers. “She came into my cell this morning and…voiced her interest.”

“That was quick.”

“She said she’s been around for a few weeks, and noticed me then.”

“You lot are very observant,” Jo laughed. “So what did you say to her?”

“I turned her down, said she’d be disappointed.”

“That was unusually pessimistic of you. Why so negative?”

“Part of it was everything going wrong last night. Some fo it was to warn her off because I thought there was a glimmer of hope for me and Helen, and rest was real – she’d said she’d ‘heard a lot about me’, and you know what rumours are like in this place. Someone’s probably told her I helped twenty prisoners escape and now she wants a piece of the action,” Nikki chuckled.

“So there’s no chance for her?”

Nikki sat silently for a long time. “Maybe. Things have changed a bit. It might be good to move on.”

Jo silently agreed, but felt the need to ask “what about Helen? Wasn’t she ‘the one’?”

Nikki blanched silently, then quietly asked, “Did I ever say that?”

“Well, she was the one to light up the room.”

Nikki grimaced. “Well, as she doesn’t want to be in the same room as me anymore, half my problem is solved. My solution is just down the wing.”

“Just don’t get yourself into a rebound situation. Nothing good ever comes from them.” Jo paused for a moment. “And apparently I’d make a terribly cheesy relationship counsellor.”

Nikki smiled. “You sound like you’ve had experience.”

“As a relationship counsellor? No, I’d be terrible. Most of the ones I know are divorced anyway, so I don’t have much faith in them.”

“No, experience of being on the rebound.”

“Oh. Er, not really.” Jo said quickly, realising with a sudden panic that that was exactly the situation she was in. “Not enough relationships that were meaningful enough to rebound from, you know?”

Nikki gave a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She sat silently for a moment, then said “Me too. Maybe things could work out with Caroline.”

A bell rang in the corridor. “Ah,” said Jo, “Crap. We better fix up your next session.” She got up, grateful for the interruption. She had some thinking of her own to do.

---

A couple of minutes later, Nikki left the office. As she walked down the hallway, Helen came through a door at the other end. Realising they couldn’t avoid one another, both women looked firmly in opposite directions and passed without a word.

Chapter Nineteen

“I owe you an apology.”

“I’ll say,” Jo replied and stood aside to let Helen in. Eager to prove just how keen she was on apologising, Helen wrapped her arms around Jo and kissed her deeply. “Apology first, that later my dear,” Jo replied.

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch this morning,” Helen said, sitting next to Jo on the sofa. “It was a hard night.”

“Fair enough, but did I deserve to be threatened?”

“No. I’m sorry, it was a bad night.”

“Yes, so you said.”

Helen’s smile dropped a little. “What’s wrong?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No…no there isn’t.”

Jo sighed. “Let me rephrase that. There is something you’re not telling me and I want to know why.”

“Like what?”

“Oh come on, Helen.”

“What?”

“Nikki bloody Wade, Helen.” Jo stood and began to pace the room. Helen froze.

“Who told you?”

“Nikki.”

“And you believe her?”

“It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out she’s sincere, Helen. And it’s not hard to find a reason why she’d tell me – she had us clocked from the start. I don’t want to argue about whether or not it’s true, I know you too well for that. I just want to know why. This is me, for goodness’ sake.”

Helen hung her head. “The whole is the single biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I could lose my job, Jo.”

“Did you think I was going to turn you in?”

“I’ve been abusing my authority.”

“Oh bugger off, Helen, no-one who’s taking advantage of someone else has the emotional trauma of leaving them that you do. I wouldn’t report you for it, for goodness’ sake. I’m not an idiot.”

Helen smiled slightly. “Apart from the time-”

“Yes, apart from that.” Jo dropped to her knees in front of Helen. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I could have at least helped you out.”

Helen scratched her forehead. “I didn’t know how you’d react. Like when I told you about Chris-”

“That was thirteen years ago, sweetheart. Shit, that was a long time ago, we’re getting old. That was, however, when I was young…younger…and rather more prone to jealous outbursts.”

“It was more of a jealous withdrawal, Jo.”

“Doing a runner, whatever, but that was a long time ago. I’m not surprised you picked her out, she’s as bloody minded as you.”

Helen sighed. “It was good while it lasted.”

“But you ended it this morning?”

“Well, yes. Finished completely. Turns out we weren’t quite as in tune as we thought. I feel betrayed.”

“Next time one of your ex-girlfriends from your prison days upsets you and you decide you don’t like them, can you tell me? I hate feeling out of the loop. I’m not angry because it happened, or because it was who it was, just that you left me in the dark and I had to find out from Nikki herself.”

Helen smiled. “I will. I’m sorry.” She ran a finger down Jo’s face. “Forgive me?”

“Ooh, I’m afraid you’ll have to work a little harder than that.” Helen slid off the sofa to straddle Jo’s lap. “Ooh, now this is more like it…”

---

Helen gasped as Jo kissed down her body, her mouth moving rapidly towards working in conjunction with the hand that was rhythmically building the Scotswoman up to her climax. As Jo’s tongue joined the party, Helen called out.

“Oh, God, Nikki!”