A Mother’s Legacy & Love

In this story Nikki & Helen discover that sometimes without the right support and backing, a person cannot leave the past behind no matter how much they want to.

It’s Saturday Morning and Helen Stewart and her Life Partner Nicola (Nikki) Wade are on their way to bury a longtime friend and acquaintance, Julie Saunders aka Julie S.

When Helen & Nikki first met one another it was under harrowing circumstances. It was Larkhall Women’s Prison where at that time Nikki was serving Life for murdering a cop who tried to rape her then girlfriend business partner Trisha. Helen was a Wing Governor and although she went through various positions, she didn’t think she’d ever find love especially with Nikki.

Although she tried to fight her feelings, they gave in and as a result Helen resigned not once, but twice. One because of her feelings for Nikki, the second time when she was blackmailed by Jim Fenner, her number one enemy who found out about her and Nikki’s love affair.

What was so ironic was that he had a history of having “illicit” affairs with inmates and although he almost got fired permanently, he always managed to get away with things.

Helen became Wing Governor of Crow’s Hall where former inmates like Charlotte Middleton, Daniella “Denny” Blood, Roisin Connor, and Cassie Tyler were transferred to while Nikki became a successful novelist.

Although Nikki was “closer” to Julie S. than Helen, they both knew that this was going to be a devastating day especially for her only son David who had spent his formative years away at his Posh Boarding School. He got married to a lady named Fidelity who had a bit of a short fuse who hated visiting Larkhall and together they had a daughter named Ashanti, who they may have named after the US R & B Singer.

As they were putting on the finishing touches of their wardrobes. Helen looked at Nikki with a sense of curiosity because Nikki almost never wore skirts, or dresses. They left and drove in Helen’s Red Peugeot where they saw that many people were outside the church waiting for the service to begin.

Upon parking, it was more of a Class Reunion because they had seen people that they thought they’d never see again. Amongst them were Crystal Mitchell nee Gordon and her husband Josh who was briefly a N.E.P.O. (New Entry Prison Officer).

There was Barbara Hunt and her Husband The Reverend Henry Mills, Daniella Blood who painted a beautiful portrait of Julie S., not to mention other people who knew Julie S. over the years.

The church had beautiful wreaths sent by people who couldn’t come personally including Lauren Atkins who was in the fourth of a six year sentence for possessing firearms at Clapton Marsh Women’s Prison.

Eventually the service began and the Reverend who knew Julie S. during her early days at Larkhall began the service.

“Ladies & Gentlemen, we are here to mourn and honor the passing of Julie Saunders known affectionately as Julie S., who as many of you knew was serving the sixth of an eight year sentence for Grievously Bodily Harm, while trying to protect the daughter of her best mate.”

“Her life wasn’t easy but she did her best under such “challenging” circumstances. She was a wonderful mate, confidant and to some the closest thing to a “surrogate mother” that anyone could ever have. “She loved her family and talked about her son David all of the time, but somehow she was never able to fulfill her greatest dream, to be free and be reunited with her family.”

“Today she is in the Kingdom of Heaven where she is joined by many people who also met a cruel fate at Larkhall and I know that on this day, she will be free in heaven in a way that she wasn’t on earth.”

“Now if anyone would like to speak, they are more than welcome to do so.” The Reverend replied.

Crystal went first:

“It was because of Julie S. and her best mate Sonya Dawson affectionately known as Julie Johnston or Julie J., that I was able to find love in the most unexpected way, the two of them played Cupid for myself and my husband Josh and when we decided to get married in the confines of Larkhall, the two of them stood as witnesses, when I gave birth to my daughter Zandra they along with Karen Betts helped make a painful delivery one of the most memorable moments of my life.”


“On the day that I finally did leave Larkhall, the two of them gave me sage words of wisdom, they told me that when I took Zandra out for a walk, where I could see the distance for miles and miles, to think of them, and whenever Josh, Zandra & I go for walks, I always think of what they told me.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank them enough for all they did for me, but now I know that Julie S. is in a happier place.”

Denny Blood went next.

“When I entered Larkhall nearly a decade ago, I was a mean-spirited evil bully who hated the whole world because I thought that it hated me, but despite my nastiness, The Two Julies always went out of there way to be nice to me but it wasn’t much later than I really appreciated it.”

“When my mother Jesse died, they created a bogus birthday card for me, and a chain and when I discovered that Jesse had drank herself to death, and had nothing to leave me, I was devastated and although I was furious at them, as well as another Inmate Tina O’Kane nee Purvis, I realized that they were trying to soften a very hard blow.”

“Although they didn’t have the opportunity to be free like so many of us were over the years, I learned that from them, to Carpe Diem, which means “Seize The Day”, and that’s what I do every day. “I seize it when there’s a beautiful day, when I go out and have fun, when I look at the Moon from the window of my home.”

The next person who went was someone that Helen didn’t think she’d ever see again. Karen Betts who besides being her former colleague at Larkhall, was some one who refused to believe what kind of man Jim Fenner really was.

“I came into Larkhall about eight years ago, and I always remember The Two Julies, being fun, upbeat, and very eager individuals, on the day that I told Julie S., that she could serve the rest of her “original” sentence outside of Larkhall, she was so happy but sad that she was leaving Julie J., behind, however life in the “real” world was too much for her, and she returned desperate and scared.”

This resulted in a collection of sighs and murmurs amongst the congregation.

“However, she would pay the price in more ways than one. She got re-arrested for the second time and then got in trouble for the third time, and when the Judge re-sentenced her to eight years for GBH, it pretty much spelled the beginning of the end for any chance of being free.”

“In my opinion, Julie S., you were one of the bravest people in the face of adversity, especially when you got Breast Cancer and sadly enough the disease took your life like it took the lives of so many people, yet I know now that your spirit and legacy goes on with your son David, your daughter in law Fidelity and your beautiful granddaughter Ashanti, go in peace and may God look over you for always.”

Nikki went last.

“I had already been in Larkhall for two years when I first met them, and they became such good friends and allies through the good times and bad.” “On the day I left, they gave me a small horseshoe that they carved out themselves as a symbol of Good Luck which I really appreciated, and over the years I’ve had good luck with a second chance at life, career and most of all love, I still have that little horseshoe, and for as long as I live, I’ll always treasure it because it was made by them.”

The service ended with Crystal singing “Going To A Place” popularized by the US Gospel Group, The Edwin Hawkins whose biggest hit record on US Soil was called “Oh Happy Day”.

As the members of the service cried, so did Helen & Nikki primarily because they thought of the people who died in Larkhall.

Although they were there when Rachel Hicks and Zandra Plackett died, they found out afterwards about the deaths of other inmates whom they had known. From Maxi Purvis and Allison aka Al McKenzie of the Peckham Boot Gang to Virginia O’Kane, to a inmate named Spike who along with her son Baxter died of AIDS, not to mention Yvonne Atkins who rotted to death for six weeks in a section of Larkhall that nobody knew existed.

Afterwards, there was a wake where David & Fidelity welcomed people and thanked them for the donations that were made to the London Cancer Society.

Yet there was some controversy. It seemed that Rihannon Dawson, Julie J’s. daughter had arrived to offer her condolences and was greeted with hostile shouting and screaming from David

It seems that he felt that it was Rihannon’s fault that his mother got eight extra years in prison because of what she and Julie J., did to her former Boyfriend Damien. Although Rihannon knew that she was partially responsible, she didn’t want Julie S. to pay the price for what happened.

So after being told politely to leave, Rihannon left devastated and in tears but Nikki caught up to her and asked for her number. She explained that they would meet along with Helen to talk about many of the things that happened in Larkhall that even she didn’t know about.

Yet the day wasn’t all bad. Nikki & Helen got to meet other people who had known Julie S., after they left Larkhall. There was Frances Myers who was a Wing Governor at Larkhall about four years ago who was now a Wing Governor at HMP Whitehouse. Joy Masterton, the Governing Governor at Larkhall who succeeded Neil Grayling after he got demoted and would later die of Legionnaire’s disease.

Later on that day as the crowd thinned out, David caught up to Nikki & Helen.

“Excuse me ladies, is it possible for me to talk to you about my Mum since you two knew her better than anyone else.” He asked.

“Sure, it would be our pleasure.” They replied.

So a couple of weeks later, David came over without his wife Fidelity. She decided to stay home with their daughter and since this was David’s “Battle” and not hers, she wanted nothing to do with it.

After the tea was poured, and a tray of various delacacies from H’ors Douevres like Cheese & Crackers, Olives in Toothpicks, not to mention Mini Sandwiches were served, they ate and talked.

“You know when she wrote me from Prison, Mum always talked about you Miss Stewart.” replied David. “She told me how nice and caring you were to the inmates regardless of what they did in the past.”

“Call me Helen, and your mother had a very big heart, in fact she created a very special Wedding Dress for a late inmate who never got to wear it because her fiancee broke up with her.”

“Yeah, she spoke about you too Nikki, she told me how you were always defending the less fortunate including a lady named Femi who was a Drug Mule from Africa.” Replied David.

As the two heard her name, chills went down their spine because they realized that she must have finished her eight year Prison Sentence and whether or not she was able to return to Africa was anybody’s guess.

“You and the other “ladies” at Larkhall were so lucky that you got freed, why couldn’t my mother have that or even want that.” Sighed David as he began to cry.

“Hey, listen I know how much it must have broken your heart when she kept going back, but trust me she felt just as bad as you did.” Explained Nikki.

It seemed that the “first” time she was released she stayed with another former inmate Monica Lindsay who had taken her home and turned it into a Halfway House for inmates from various prisons.

“I remember when she came out the first time, I was reunited with my father Trevor and they were in the audience when I played MacBeth, she left me in the middle of my performance, I was so hurt and angry but she said she did it because she sensed that something was going to happen to Julie J.”

“Yeah, but I think she was just scared of being on the outside, and she probably felt like a phony being around others including your Headmaster.” Sighed Nikki.

“Then, I had a private visit with her and how she, I and Trevor were going to be a “Proper Family” after she got out, but instead of Julie J., being happy for her, she got upset because she felt that she had nobody to take care of her.” Replied David.

“I remember the night before they were released, we had a farewell party for them and although Julie S., seemed happy she also seemed pre-occupied as well.” Replied Nikki.

Yet if there was one thing that a lot of people remembered was that on the day they left, a major shock rocked G Wing. It seemed that a new woman named Caroline who Nikki briefly had “feelings” for had lied about being locked up for Computer & Credit Card Fraud.

She and her boyfriend took pictures of kids and put them on the Internet for sexual purposes and a near riot took place. Helen knew but she couldn’t tell because it would be betraying a confidence.

“I remember when they came back, Yvonne Atkins was teasing them saying “The Exit is that way, not this way, and not to sound cruel, some of the inmates called them “Boomerangs” because they kept coming back.” Sighed Nikki.

“Yeah, but from what I heard Mum did a lot with her life, taking courses, working hard and hoping that she could be released and be with you, but Julie J., slways dragged her down.” Replied David.

“I know but as much as I hate to say this, I think that Julie J., was jealous of your mother in many ways.” replied Helen.

“Why would that be, I mean they were best mates!!” answered David.

“Well, think about it you always wrote, called and kept in touch, Julie J’s kids never did, in fact when her two eldest Rihannon & Martin came for a visit, she was so happy to see them and even apologized for what she did but there was an Injunction that prevented her from seeing them, a guard discovered that and ordered them to leave.” replied Nikki softly.

“Oh God, I didn’t know that, I’m really sorry.” Sighed David.

“Yeah, but it was a family thing and if Julie J., couldn’t work out some sort of arrangement with her ex-husband that wasn’t your fault.” Sighed Helen.

They also explained that after they got their eight year prison sentence, maybe it was possible that they got too comfortable inside Larkhall in the sense that they were able to do things that the “other” inmates weren’t able to do.

From painting their walls to starting a Beauty Salon, to even having a Guard serenade them with “Heartbreak Hotel” dressed as Elvis, they were very popular, they even heard from other former inmates one of the most surreal experiences that they had.

Tanya Turner Widow of former Football Superstar Jason as well as Frank Laslet (owner of Earl’s Park), got set up by a so called friend and got sentenced to five years for drugs. The Two Julies met her and had no idea who she was when they served her.

“That’s one woman who was very lucky that she got out, it seemed that she managed to get her friend to "confess" with the help of Frances Myers." replied Nikki who read about her in a Tabloid.

"Yeah, but why didn't Julie J., just leave my Mum alone, I wanted her to have so much, to take care of her be there for her, to have fun, she missed out on so many things, Xmases, B-Days, New Year's, Mother's Day and God knows what else." replied David.

"Maybe Julie J., was scared to be on her own, maybe she felt that without your mother, life wasn' t living and now that she's in a Psychiatric Hospital, she'll finally get the help that she needs, she's manic depressive, her kids have all but washed their hands of her, etc." replied Helen softly.

"Yeah, but she's still alive, my mother could have gotten better help outside of Larkhall, if she had just stayed out, tried to make an effort to live outside, maybe she'd still be here with me." retorted David. "Also, who knows, maybe she could have established herself on the outside and helped Julie J., too.

"I know but maybe she was ashamed of being around you, feeling that she had nothing to offer, I mean here you were in this Posh Private School, your mates families took care of you more than she could and maybe she was scared that her "past" would come back to haunt her." explained Nikki.

"Yeah, but I never had my parents together, I wanted us to do fun things that so many of my mates took for granted, I remember there was a Mother-Son Luncheon at my School and all the other boys mates bragged about bringing their mother, and I couldn't bring mine and I said that she was taking some "courses", it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth, I hated lying to people about her and the more lies I told, the more they added up." replied David.

"Have you talked to anybody else that could give you some insight about your Mum." asked Nikki.

"Yeah, but they all said the same thing, how nice Mum was, what a big heart she and Julie J., had etc, but I still want my Mum back, is that too much to ask for." he replied.

"I know you can't get your mother back, but she's with you for the rest of your life, when you spend time with your own family, when you work and take care of business etc., and if she knew then what she knew now, she'd do things differently." answered Nikki.

"I know it's hard to say and as cruel as it may be if I never see Julie J. again, I wouldn't give a damn, she owes me and my mother so much!! shouted David.

"Hey calm down David, shouting isn't going to bring your mother back, remember that, and Julie J., has to live with that for the rest of her life, I know that if she knew then what she knows now, she'd do things differently." answered Nikki.

"Yeah, I just want to get closure on this, you have no idea how much strain she and my mum brought into my house, I had to practically beg Fidelity to allow us to get married in Larkhall after going through so much Red Tape, and then two of the ladies got into a fight." sighed David.

"I know, here it was supposed to be a memorable day and you're celebrating with people who broke the law." replied Helen. "I know she would have loved for you to get married outside but since she couldn't get out, this was the only way."

"Look ladies, thanks so much for your time, I promised my wife that I'd be home by 6:00 and it's almost 5:15, thanks so much for everything and I'll call you soon." replied David.

After driving off, Helen & Nikki looked at each other sadly knowing that David was going to need alot of healing and closure with his mother's legacy to move on and only he could make it a reality.