Disclaimer: Shed Productions made these characters, wrote the original stories, and have full copyright to them. We are using these characters simply for non-profit entertainment value.

I am happy to accept feedback openly by readers. (BOARD NOTE we would recommend if any length i.e. more than a couple of points, it is done privately away from the story itself).

This story does not have an excessive amount of adult material in it, but the early chapters will reference sex and violence, and the later chapters may include them.

The first part is a bit too long - sorry for that, but I couldn't find a natural break before the place I ended it. The next chapters won't be quite as long! I hope you enjoy the story.

STARTING OVER

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CHAPTER 1
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A disturbing sound echoed through the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. A desperate wail, almost like an animal in pain.

Helen’s ears were still ringing, but her vision was focused intently, almost to the point of being blurred, upon the bloody figure lying on a gurney on the other side of a thick glass window. Her hand was aching, and she only realised after a minute that it was because she had slammed it against the glass. Her fingers were white from the pressure.

Someone was screaming, “No, please no…” as the straight green line on the monitor flowed on into infinity. She watched doctors and nurses reach for equipment. The woman’s body convulsed, arching into the air as the doctors administered an electric shock to her chest. She fell back limply onto the gurney, dead weight. “No…” screamed the voice in the background. A small part of her brain registered the sound, but she had more pressing concerns, and she ignored it.

Suddenly, after another back-snapping jolt of electricity, the flat green line turned into a series of green mountains. Hard tubes were being pushed roughly into the patient’s mouth, large needles into her hand and arm. Doctors and nurses were dressing her head, their hands and arms coming away covered in blood. “Nikki!” a voice shouted, and Helen suddenly realised it was her own.

A nurse approached behind her, taking her arm, trying to pull her away from the window, trying to make her sit down. Helen didn’t understand; why was this woman trying to take her away from Nikki? She struggled weakly, feeling her hand slam back against the glass, and then slide down it as her knees buckled beneath her, and she slid gracelessly to the cold linoleum floor.

This was how Thomas Waugh found her a few minutes later, a nurse hovering nearby, unsure of what to do, whether to leave her or make her stand up. He had been exiting the lifts in the adjacent lobby when he heard the shouting, or rather the screaming, coming from the Intensive Treatment Unit. He knew that there was no such state as ‘fully prepared’ or ‘well staffed’ in the ITU; one train crash, one pile up on a motorway, one school fire and the department made the effortless transition from being a group of bored medical staff, sitting around, waiting, ready, to a desperate team of people struggling to cope with the emergency before them. Thomas knew this as well as any other doctor in the hospital, but he was the only one close enough to hear the inhuman noise coming from there.

He broke into a jog, pushing through the double-doors into the reception area. He had expected to find chaos – people running round, barking orders, asking for help. Instead, he found a relatively quiet waiting area, nurses collected around the reception desk, and Helen Stewart collapsed on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably and fending off assistance from a clearly uneasy nurse.

Thomas touched the nurse’s arm and nodded to her, and she stepped away. He crouched down in front of Helen, who had slid down the wall into a crouch, and was now sliding sideways toward a horizontal position. Her wrist was clearly broken, her fingers curled into an unnatural claw, her arm bloody all the way up to where her shirt sleeve stopped, near her elbow. Her clothes were covered in some sort of dust, and there was a sizeable gash on her forehead that trickled blood down the side of her face.

Thomas reached for her arm, but she tugged it away.
“Helen?” he said softly. “It’s me, it’s Thomas. Can you hear me?”
Helen’s eyes seemed to focus on him for the first time. “Thomas…” she stated in recognition, confused as to why he was there, in front of her, but grateful nonetheless. “Thomas, you have to help me…”

“Of course I will. I’ll help you. It’s gonna be okay, you’re alright,” he nodded, increasingly concerned by her behaviour. She was almost hysterical, and seemingly unaware of the damage to her arm. He stopped her as she tried to push herself vertical with her injured hand, pulling her upright himself and leaning her back against the wall. She didn’t resist as he once again tried to examine her.

“Not me… no, not me… I’m okay, Thomas, you have to help her, you have to help Nikki…” she cried.

“Nikki?” he asked, confused. He glanced up at the ITU window, standing for a moment and seeing a familiar dark-haired figure lying on a gurney, attended to by two doctors and four nurses. She seemed to have a head injury. He glanced at the monitor. He caught the eye of a nurse he knew, and she nodded back, giving him a sombre thumbs up. He dropped back down to Helen’s level. “She’ll be alright, Helen. There are lots of people looking after her right now. But we really need to get you seen to. Do you think you can stand up?”

“No… I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving! Thomas, please… I need to know she’s okay. I need to know…”

He nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll find out exactly how Nikki is, just as soon as you let me examine your arm. Deal?”

Helen nodded vehemently. “Yes. Yes, please. Thank you. Thank you, Thomas…”

“Alright,” he replied, relieved. “Okay. Let’s get you up.”

He wrapped his arms around her sleight form and lifted her up from the floor, holding onto her against the wall for fear she may have injured one or both of her legs and collapse right back down again. She seemed to be semi-stable, and clearly oblivious to any pain in her arm or head, but he held onto her for a moment to make sure. A sudden flash of memory shot across his vision, of the last time he had his arms around Helen like this. They’d been having sex on Helen’s sofa. She’d been astride him as she came, and fell forward against him. He’d wrapped his arms around her waist, smelt her shampoo and felt her breath against his neck. He was smelling her shampoo and feeling her breath against his skin again now, although the circumstances were somewhat different.

He mentally slapped himself round the face for letting such a grossly inappropriate thought enter his mind at that moment, as Helen was collapsed sobbing on the floor of the hospital, her partner in a critical condition in the next room, almost two years after they’d last seen one another.

Thomas called to one of the nurses, who dragged a chair across to where they stood, and he lowered Helen into it, rolling her shirt sleeve up a little way. She sat numbly, allowing him to examine her arm and her head, staring into the middle-distance as though in a trance. The hysteria had gone now, and in its place came shock and exhaustion.

Her wrist was badly broken. Her arm was sliced from the wrist to the elbow, and would need stitches. There might even be a hairline fracture there, too, he mused, considering what on earth could have happened. Her head wasn’t too bad – a small cut with a lot of blood, and maybe a mild concussion. It would be hard to tell until the adrenaline and fear subsided enough for Helen to give useful answers about her state of mind and body.

“Does it hurt anywhere else?” he asked, although he knew the question was somewhat pointless. A piece of Helen’s broken wrist had been pushed out through her skin and she hadn’t seemed to notice. She shook her head, predictably, her eyes still darting toward the glass separating her from Nikki’s unconscious form..

Thomas beckoned a nurse over. He instructed her to get Helen’s arm seen to, and to make sure she wasn’t hurt anywhere else. The nurse nodded and Thomas managed to cajole his ex into a nearby room.

“I’m going to go see how Nikki is, alright? I want you to sit tight here, and let these people help you, and then I’ll be right back to tell you what’s going on. Okay?” he asked gently. Helen nodded again. She seemed to have lost the power of speech.

Thomas went to check on Nikki Wade’s condition feeling a bit like his own hangman, helping the woman Helen had left him for, the woman she’d probably wanted to be with when she got together with him in the first place. Stop being stupid, he told himself. You’re a doctor. Be a doctor.

Nikki wasn’t in a good way. Aside from her other injuries, she’d suffered a serious head trauma, probably caused by something falling on her. Something heavy, and sharp-edged, Thomas judged. This wasn’t the sort of injury a person could attain by falling over or even falling from a high place. The deep bruising and cuts on her back supported the theory that something had fallen on her, knocking her down and cracking two ribs. Her lung had collapsed and she’d stopped breathing for a couple of minutes – not long enough for brain damage, but serious nonetheless. They’d stopped the bleeding from her head and bandaged it, but she was unconscious and probably would be for a few days. Who knew what kind of swelling there would be? There was a good chance she could lapse into a coma.

As he walked back to Helen to tell her, he wondered whether it might be more beneficial to lie to her a little, to give her a little hope. No, he decided. The crash when that hope was destroyed would kill her.

He had always known that Helen was close to the dark-haired lifer, that they had been friends, that they had briefly been more than friends, but somehow he had always put it down to a phase, something crazy that happened in a crazy place. Having seen Helen today, he knew he was wrong. The fact that they were still in close, presumably still together, after more than 2 years, was testament enough, even if he hadn’t witnessed Helen’s complete disintegration in the ITU.

As soon as he entered, Helen looked up. She was sat in a hard plastic chair in the waiting area, her arm bandaged tightly, her wrist in a fresh cast, a piece of gauze taped to her head. For some reason, her trouser leg bulged around one knee, too. He assumed it was a bandage beneath her clothing, pleased that the nurse had heeded his advice and checked Helen for other unreported injuries.

He shook his head, sitting down opposite her on another hard plastic chair. “It’s not good. She’s stable, but… I won’t lie to you, Helen, she’s in a bad way.”

Helen’s breath caught in her throat. She seemed to shrink before him, a sob hitching in her throat.

“She’s broken some ribs… her lung collapsed. They’ve fixed that, she’s breathing on her own, but she’s on oxygen. The biggest danger is her head – concussions are unpredictable, there will be swelling, she won’t wake up for a while, and… there’s a chance she might not wake up at all. I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down Helen’s face unchecked as she stared down at her fingers, silent sobs shaking her shoulders. The pain of having her arm strapped and her wrist re-aligned had shocked her out of the hysteria she was falling into earlier, and she’d been given some strong painkillers that made her feel woozy. She was exhausted, and terrified, but coherent.

“Can I see her?” Helen asked weakly.

Thomas shook his head. “They won’t let you in just yet. When she’s been stable a little longer, she’ll be moved to another ward and you can visit then.”

“Please, Thom,” Helen rasped. “I need to see her.”

He shook his head. ‘Please, Thom…’ Helen had gasped, breathless and naked, beneath him in his bed. ‘Please, Thom,’ she begged him now, her voice hoarse from the earlier screaming. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, it’s the rules. I can’t bend them for you. I have to go – I’m on call in five minutes,” he told her somewhat abruptly. He needed to get out of that room and away from his vulnerable, incredibly sexy ex before he did or said something stupid.

“Okay,” Helen nodded understandingly. “Thank you, for your help,” she added sincerely, and Thomas wanted to kick himself in the head. He felt like a jerk.

“You’re welcome,” he nodded, and left the room.

Helen sat in the waiting room for another two hours as people came and went. Nurses made their rounds. Sad family members came to peer through the glass, then left, arms round one another, as they probably had done ever day for a month or more. There was a sense of futility, of desperation and death. Helen tried not to succumb to it.

Nikki wouldn’t be like this if the roles were reversed. Nikki would be strong, she’d stay strong, for Helen. She’d be harassing nurses and not giving up on her. Helen didn’t feel as strong as she wished she could be, as strong as Nikki would be. But she did stand up. And she did walk over to the desk, and wait patiently until the nurse there put the phone down and turned to her.

“I came in with Nikki Wade… she’s… she’s in there…” Helen faltered, glancing at the glass partition. “I need to see her…”

The nurse smiled sympathetically, if sadly. “I’m sorry, Miss, we don’t allow visitors in the ITU. Only immediate family, and only once the patient is stabilised.”

“I’m her partner,” Helen replied.

“Are you married?”

“What?”

“Are you married?”

“No... I mean… It… it wasn’t… legal when we…” Helen trailed off, suddenly wondering why she hadn’t brow-beaten Nikki into marrying her the day it became possible.

“I’m sorry, but unless you’re family or married… Miss Wade’s next of kin is listed her as a Patricia Harris.”

Helen glanced away for a moment, trying to compose herself and her thoughts, trying to force the lump in her throat back down. She found herself staring at a group photo of the nurses propped against a shelf of folders and files. They were smiling, holding drinks.

“Please,” Helen begged, glancing at the nurse’s ID badge. “Janine,” she added turning her attention back to the woman in front of her. Her only hope seemed to be to appeal to the human in her.

“I’m sorry. We can phone you when she wakes up?” the nurse offered.

Helen let her hand drop from the desk back to her side. “I’ll wait,” she said, walking slowly back to the rows of chairs on the other side of the room.

She sank into one with a sigh, and suddenly she began to feel every pain in her body. Her wrist was agony. Her arm ached. Her knee felt unsturdy and jolts of pain ran up her leg when she put weight on it. She had a splitting headache, and her chest felt tight and bruised. Glancing at her watch, she was surprised by how late it was. They had been out at lunch time when it happened, and now it was going dark outside at 5:30. But time had ceased to really exist for her.



To be continued... (providing people think it's worth continuing :))

dont stop there please hope for a other update soon tanks.

I agree. Please don't stop there. That was a very gripping start.

Can't wait for the next update!

Terri, this is some of the best writing ever! The way you write is so evocative and I’m already so completely pulled in to this story… I feel a little like Helen, sitting here, waiting for word on Nikki’s condition, my heart in my shoes.

I’m very curious to find out what kind of role Thomas is going to play in all this, and I have to say he definitely scored about 10 points in my book for helping Helen the way he did… but I’m subtracting two points because he kept picturing having sex with Helen. *shakes finger at Thomas* Highly inappropriate, Mister! The woman she loves is lying unconscious in the next room for bloody sake! :guns

I can’t wait for the next chapter… :giveheart

xoxo
Emms

This is a great story, please continue. I was so caught up in it I couldn't believe it stopped. As far as a long start, I don't think we will mind if the others are longer!! Thanks for sharing this with us!

:o Crap what the hell happened to put Nikki in such a condition, this has grabbed me from the beginning keep it going, and as for Thomas keep you stinking thoughts and hands away from Helen :guns

Long is great, What a start, can't wait for the next chapter. This is exciting. :bicycle :bicycle :bicycle

OMG :o that was so incredibly tense! Why the hell would Trish still be listed as next of kin? And what happened??? You simply can't stop there! More please!!

That was an amazingly emotional start to a great story...hope you continue with this one. Poor Helen just waiting to see Nikki :hug2
Hope to read the next chapter soon :) Thanks

Definitely worth continuing!! You would think that someone who just came home from working a double shift on an ambulance(for the fire dept. no less)might want to skip to another story, but I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment!Wonderful,wonderful writing.

Oh by the way, NEVER ,EVER apologize for a long chapter!! The longer the better!!

Thank you all for your lovely comments.

emtsue - I apologise for all of my hospital-releated mistakes! You'll probably cringe through the start of this story. I'm not a doctor, I'm not even a nurse, and the only frame of reference I have for medical emergency situations is based on American TV shows and personal trips to the A&E department for exceedingly minor reasons! I'm making it up as I go along here...

Emms - you only subtracted two points? How generous of you! It's surprising to see anyone round here who doesn't immediately want to crucify Thomas when he appears! I actually thought he was a good guy in BG. Sadly, he isn't going to be an entirely good guy in this story.

I'm going to post the second chapter now - I'd planned to wait a day or two but I'm going away on a short break today, so I'll leave the second part for you now and return in a few days!

Thanks again for all your encouragement.


Chapter Two

Trisha Harris walked out of Chix at 4:30am on Sunday morning, having finished cashing up, locking up and chucking out. She stretched her aching shoulders as she walked through the sunrise to her car. The streets were littered with rubbish, cigarette butts, broken glass, half-eaten takeaways. Remnants of the night’s entertainment. The bin men and road sweepers would be round soon, brushing it all away, ready to start afresh in 12 hours’ time.

“I’m getting too old for this,” she muttered to herself as she unlocked her BMW. She peeled a promotional flyer from under the windscreen wiper before getting in and starting the engine.

But before she could put the car into gear, her phone began to vibrate furiously at her hip. She sighed, reaching awkwardly for the handset. This always happened when she left Chix, and somehow she always forgot that it would until it did. She didn’t get a signal in most of the club’s rooms, and having spent all night there, she would walk outside and be bombarded by text messages and missed calls, voicemails from people who couldn’t wait until the morning.


She flipped the phone open and nearly dropped it. 26 missed calls from the same 0207 number in the last few hours. She dialled her voicemail apprehensively.

“Hello, this is a message for Patricia Harris…” an unknown voice stated. Trish cringed. She hated being called Patricia. “You’ve been listed as the next of kin for a Nicola Wade. I’m sorry to inform you that she’s been involved in an accident. She’s been admitted to the Critical Care unit of Guy’s Hospital. If you could give us a call back on 020 7188…”

Trisha cut off the call, immediately redialling Nikki and Helen’s flat. Why she had been the one to get the call, she had no idea, but Helen needed to know. Nikki probably hadn’t updated her next of kin, she thought as the phone rang at the other end of the line. It continued to ring until the answering machine picked up the call.

“Hi, you’ve reached Helen Stewart,” came Nikki’s voice. “And Nikki Wade,” added Helen’s. “We’re not in right now,” Nikki’s voice told her, “So please leave a message,” Helen finished. Trish normally took a moment to reiterate her disapproval of such a sickeningly coupley message before saying what she needed to say, but today she jumped right in.

“Helen, are you there? I know it’s late, but if you’re there, please pick up the phone,” Trish said. She paused a moment, but it didn’t seem like Helen was going to pick up. She hung up and put the car into gear, reversing out of her parking space and onto the deserted road. She redialled Helen’s mobile as she began the journey Southwards across London.

The phone rang several times, and Trisha was about to start cursing Helen’s inability to wake the hell up, when she picked it up.
“Trish,” Helen answered weakly, desperation in her voice. “There’s been an accident…”
Trish realised that the reason Helen hadn’t picked up the phone was that she wasn’t at home. She was probably at the hospital.

“I know, sweetie. I’m on my way there now. Are you okay?”

The friendship between the two women had been based upon the unlikeliest of premises, but somehow it worked. Trish and Nikki remained on good terms after her release. They still ran Chix together, and Helen and Trisha saw one another on a frequent basis.

Somehow, the fact that they both cared for Nikki was enough to unite them, despite their radically different outlooks, professions, and backgrounds.

“I’m okay. They won’t let me see her, Trish…” Helen’s voice broke, and Trisha’s heart went with it. Though it broke a part of her heart seeing Nikki move on so happily with someone else after her own relationship with Nikki (and her relationship with the woman she chose over Nikki) failed, Trish was ultimately happy for her ex. She’d never seen her this way before, the way she was with Helen. They were so right for one another, despite everything they’d been through, and despite how they argued at times..

Privately, she felt hope seeing them together. Hope that love existed, and happiness could be achieved. She knew Helen would be going through hell all alone right now.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes, okay?” Trisha promised her as the car picked up speed through the empty streets.


Helen looked up as the doors were flung open and Trisha strode confidently through them, her eyes scanning the room and finding Helen. The blonde woman walked directly across to her, and as Helen stood up, she found herself enveloped in a crushing hug.

Helen had always felt a little intimidated by Trish’s entrance into a room. She strode into every room she entered with a sense of confidence and purpose, unconcerned for who may be in the room, whether they would look up as she walked in, or what they would think. She wore heels as she always did, a small part of her overall style, but didn’t care that the sound they made echoed loudly through the hospital halls.

“What happened?” she asked simply, pulling Helen down to sit next to her on the seats Helen had found herself returning to so many times over the past 16 hours. She couldn’t fail to notice that Helen’s clothes were filthy, her shirt covered in blood. Her hair fell across her face messily and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She was a state to behold.

“There was an accident,” Helen replied weakly.

“My God, are you alright?” Trish asked, looking at the cast on her wrist.

“I’m fine,” Helen replied weakly, her eyes filling up with tears. “Nikki…She’s still unconscious, they don’t know if she’ll wake up. Her head, and… she stopped breathing…”

Tears were once more coursing down Helen’s face. She’d cried so much her eyes were sore and her cheeks red, but the tears seemed to keep coming from somewhere.

“I’m so scared that she’s going to die!” Helen choked out, and Trish wrapped her arms around her as tears sprang to her own eyes.

“She’ll be okay, she’s too stubborn to die,” Trish stated, but the words fell on deaf ears. “Have you spoken to the doctors?”

Helen pulled away, wiping her eyes. “They won’t speak to me because I’m not immediate family. They might tell you something - you’re still listed as Nikki’s next of kin.”

Trish felt suddenly incredibly awkward. “I know, they phoned me several times last night but I was in the club and… I didn’t get the messages until this morning. I’m sorry, Helen, I know this is the last thing you need right now. I guess she never got round to updating her file – it’s not something you think about until it happens, is it?”

“It’s fine,” Helen assured her numbly. “Just find out what’s happening… please. I just need to know she’ll be okay.”

“Of course.” Trisha walked off toward the reception desk, leaving her to continue waiting.

A few minutes later, the blonde returned.

“No one’s allowed in to see her. They said she’s doing okay though... she’s stable.”

“That just means she’s not getting any worse. It doesn’t mean she’s getting any better,” Helen said.

Trish took a breath before speaking again. “Maybe you should… head home and have a shower, get some sleep. They’ll phone as soon as anything changes,” she suggested carefully. “I’ve updated the next of kin details, they have your home phone number.”

“I’m fine.” Helen dismissed her suggestion in two words. The woman must have been mad, thinking she’d leave Nikki right now.

“Helen… she won’t wake up in the next few hours. You should take care of yourself.”

Helen’s neck snapped around, anger flaring in her green eyes. “Don’t tell me what I should do. I’m not leaving, Trish. If she wakes up, I’m gonna be here.”

Trisha decided to be honest. “Helen, you look like shit. Please go home, take a shower, get some sleep. If you want, I can stay here, I’ll stay until you get back. I’ll phone you the second anything happens…”

“NO!” Helen shouted. A few heads turned in the immediate vicinity, then looked away again as nothing further happened. Helen closed her eyes as her headache began to move round behind her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said more quietly. “I know you mean well, Trish, but I’m not leaving this room until I’ve seen her.”

Trisha reached over and squeezed the small Scot’s hand in her own. “Somehow I thought you wouldn’t. Would you at least let me bring you something to eat?”

Helen shook her head. “I’m not hungry,” she stated. “You can go, Trish. I know you’ve been working all night, you must be exhausted. I’m okay, honestly. Thanks for coming.”

Trish felt bad about leaving her, but she was exhausted and she had to be back at work at the club in six hours, covering for Nikki. “I don’t want to leave you alone like this,” she said. “Let me call someone…”

“Don’t worry about me,” Helen said quietly. Trish hugged her again. “You’ll phone me if anything changes?” she requested, and Helen nodded.

tankyou tankyou,now i can start my day.very good update.

Thanks , nice to see everyones friendly,I've tears in my eyes from this one. What happened obviously not a car accident. The quick update was great. :write :write :write :write

Yay! Another new story! Can't wait to check it out!

:D Nice to wake up to an update,started the morning(uh,I mean afternoon)out just right.No worries on the ER details,this is fiction after all,but if you ever have any burning questions I'll do my best tohelp.Don't hesitate to ask.On that note, glad Trish is around,at least Helen has someone there to lean on if need be.

Oh Terri... I read this update twice this morning before I had to dash off to work, but I promise feedback-y goodness just as soon as I get home. This story is fan-freakin'- AWESOME btw!

:write

xoxo
Emms

Poor Helen...hope Nikki wakes up soon.
What an emotional update, looking forward to continue reading this story :) Thanks

It is so nice to see Helen and Trish on good terms. I hope Trish gives Claire a call or something. If the hospital knows what is good for them they will let Helen see Nikki soon :lol1

Love this story! Patiently waiting for the next part...

Terri! Great, albiet scary stuff!! I am pulled in. What a terrible thing for Helen to go through, but you wrote about her wanting to be the strong one for Nikki very well.

More, please.

And, Thomas...we KNOW hos sexy Helen is, but BACK OFF, dude! Be the good doctor!

Please let her wake up. Intense story.

interesting story so far, albeit, quite sad.

I am glad Helen is not leaving her.

Hello all, I am back from my mini-holiday! Thanks again for all your comments. I'm glad people are enjoying the story. I know it seems a bit sad at the moment but I promise it will get a little happier... in time... :D

Chapter Three

As the sun rose over Guy’s hospital, Helen blinked her eyes open. She was lying across a row of chairs in the deserted waiting room. The edges of the seats jabbed her uncomfortably. There were no other visitors. Even the nurses were nowhere in sight. She looked at her watch, pulling herself upright and wondering how long she’d slept. It was 9am. Trish had left at half past five.

Helen dragged herself to her feet and across to the toilets. After splashing her face, she leant on the sink and looked at her reflection. Trish was right. She did look a state. She carefully peeled the gauze back from her head. It had stopped bleeding. Her wrist throbbed with pain below the cast. Unbuttoning her shirt awkwardly, the cast on her wrist inhibiting her movement, she saw a collection of purple bruises across her torso. She pressed her fingers against her ribs carefully, before doing her shirt up again. “Get a grip, Stewart. She’s worse off than you,” she told her reflection.

As she exited the bathroom, a new reception nurse was walking back behind the desk. Helen made her way over.

“Excuse me,” she croaked. Her throat was raw from all the crying and screaming of the previous day. “Nikki Wade… how is she?” The nurse consulted a chart, grimacing.

“She’s still stable.”

Helen wanted to throttle her. What did that even mean? It meant nothing!

“Can I see her?”

“What relationship are you to the patient?” the nurse asked.

Nikki! Helen wanted to scream at her. Her name is Nikki! Not ‘the patient’. She’s a person and she’s hurt and alone in that room.“She’s my partner,” Helen replied, pushing her emotions down.

The nurse frowned. “You mean…”

“My girlfriend,” Helen clarified. “We’re in a relationship, we live together.”

“I see,” the nurse replied with an expression of distaste. “Well, I’m afraid it’s only immediate family that are allowed into the ITU...”

“I am her family,” Helen blurted, startling the nurse. She took a breath before she continued, “I mean, she has no other family. It’s just me.”

“I’m sorry,” the nurse repeated insincerely. “I can’t help you.”

“You can’t?” Helen cried, the words hitching in her throat as a sob threatened to erupt from her chest. “Or you won’t?”

“I’m sorry,” the nurse replied simply, turning away.

Helen walked back across to the plastic chairs and collapsed into one of them, slowly sliding horizontal across the row of seats and staring at the white ceiling. The room had been painted white with a curious shade of green that reminded her of Larkhall. She wondered if that would be the first thing Nikki saw when she woke up. Would she think she was back in Larkhall?

Helen allowed her heavy eyes to close once more, but almost immediately felt a presence beside her. She opened her eyes to see Thomas sat on the opposite row of plastic chairs, watching her.

“Hi,” he said, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, just gazing at her engagingly. Like Nikki, he’d always had a way of looking at her that gave the impression that his whole world was focused solely around her at that moment, and it was still true now that they weren’t together.

He gazed at her, half-asleep, and was mesmerised. She was still as beautiful as she had always been, even in this state. He’d always loved to watch her sleep. Watching her open her eyes and look up, tired and upset, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and squeeze her tightly, and kiss her better. He knew he shouldn’t, so he sat watching her.

“Hi,” she croaked weakly. She briefly considered sitting up and putting on a show of holding it together, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Thomas had already seen her in hysterics the previous day. Anyway, her social obligations faded into insignificance when she considered that Nikki was lying hurt and alone in the next room.

“How are you?” he asked, as though the answer wasn’t plainly obvious. She was a mess.

“I’ll be fine,” she replied. “Do you know anything more, about Nikki?”

Thomas shook his head. “She’s the same. I thought you could use a friendly face, that’s all. Have you been here all night?”

Helen nodded, and he nodded too, as though expecting that would be her response.

”Do you want some coffee?” he offered. “We could go and get some coffee together, downstairs…”

“I don’t want to leave… in case she wakes up,” Helen replied. “Thanks anyway.”

“Come on,” he smiled charmingly. “You won’t be far away. I’ll have them page me if she wakes up and you can come straight back, how’s that?”

Helen had to admit she was tempted. A sympathetic presence and massive amounts of caffeine both sounded good at that moment in time.

“We could… catch up,” Thomas added. “I haven’t seen you in, what, two years now?”

Helen suddenly re-evaluated his part in her current situation, and sat up. “Thomas, I’m not sure what you want from me here, but I’m not going to go on a date with you in the hospital where my partner is currently unconscious.”

He held up his hands in defence. “Nothing like that. Just… I’m worried about you, Helen, you look awful. I want to help you.”

“Then find out what’s happening, what they’re going to do for Nikki… I need to see her. Could you talk to them for me?”

Thomas was suddenly struck by déjà vu. Helen was yet again asking him to go out of his way to help her achieve a personal goal, for no other reward than helping her. It was like Fenner and Larkhall all over again. He’d helped her then because he liked her, and he wanted to help her now for almost the same reason. It wasn’t the right reason to do things, he thought to himself, feeling slightly annoyed that he’d managed to screw up something as simple as asking her to go for a coffee.

“I can’t make them let you in there, Helen,” he replied, shaking his head. “It’s the rules, and this isn’t even my department. As far as what they’re going to do for Nikki – well, they’re going to do nothing. They already dealt with her minor injuries, and now they’re going to wait and see if she regains consciousness. But you should know that she might not, Helen. She sustained an incredible head injury – she’s lucky to be breathing at all. I came here to tell you that you might want to start coming to terms with that. I want to help you do it.”

Helen felt hurt and anger begin to pierce her shell of exhaustion and grief.

“It’s been one day!” she almost growled. “One day and you’re telling me to give up?”

Thomas shook his head. He reached for Helen’s hand and she pulled it away. “Helen, the kind of injury she’s sustained to her head… it’s a miracle she’s alive right now. The brain swelling alone could have killed her, and if she ever does wake up, it’s possible that she’ll have serious problems for the rest of her life. There could be brain damage.”

“So you came here to crush all hope? Is that it?”
“I know you loved her, Helen. This must be a difficult time.”
“I love her, Thomas. Present tense. If you want to help me,” Helen said simply, “Then help Nikki.”

Tbc.

God, can we just kill Thomas now??? What a total jerk!! And can we also smack the new receptionist while we are at it? Poor Helen, no help from anyone...can we please fix this terriw?

Oh how I whittled away yesterday thinking I had time to leave feedback before you posted the next chapter (on account of you were away)... but alas here I am, my tail between my legs, late and without excuse.

I feel just as frustrated as Helen. Why won’t the doctors and nurses get off their collective ARSES and give us some useful information on Nikki’s condition???! I’m going to put myself out there and suggest Helen sneak in to Nikki’s room…or or…lie to the nurses (one that hasn’t seen her before, of course) and tell them she’s Nikki’s sister! Yes that’ll work *maniacal laughter* !

Also I’m subtracting two more points from Thomas (he’s down to six for anyone who's counting) for hitting on Helen in the waiting room. If he wanted to be helpful he should have just brought her a cup of coffee…geeze man… get your head out. For real.

I really love this story, Terri. I'll try to wait patiently for the next chapter. :silly

xoxo
Emms

Thomas, that's a low blow and extremely cruel!!! Glad Helen gave it back to him.Terri , you got those nurses dead to rights!! They're all burnt out ,cynical, and jaded,I deal with them everyday.
Looking foward to the next round!!

:err Poor Helen. It has only been ONE DAY. She and Trish know Nikki well enough that giving up is not an option.

Thomas could help Helen is some way. What an icky man he is beinig right now. But, sure as hell makes for a good story!

Terri, I am liking the way you are making Helen so strong and vocal here, even in the midst of a terrible situation, it is a refreshing portrayal.

tankyou for this update.Hope helen will be able to see the love of her life very soon.Fantastic work.

Lets take Thomas and all the uptight, obnoxious, homophobic arsehole nurses and line them up in front of my buffalo and let them just go for it :naghty take them all out in one go :tumbup Get this into your thick head Thomas Helen will NEVER give up on Nikki an neither will we so there :tongueout

I tell ya, I can't stand that guy.

Why won't they let Helen see Nikki? Trish put her down as next of kin!

What a load of crap!

Love the update!

:dazzler Love the update. Doesn't everyone do favors for the other persons gratification? Thats why its a favor. Good for you Helen you go girl. great writing Terri. :dazzler :dazzler

Awesome update :) Thanks
Can't wait to see happens next to Helen and Nikki...Poor Helen-not being able to see Nikki.

WANKER!!!! Excuse me for that outburst. Terri, that was a great update and I appreciate the quick post. It's a great story and I can't wait for more!!

:kick That one's for the wanker!

i really dislike that ass of a man , thomas. glad to see that helen can see right through him. looking forward to your next update.

That staff needs to learn some compassion...Bad Bad people - great update.

Great Chapter. Thomas is a total BASTARD. Ooooh he makes soooo mad. :devil

Thanks again for all your comments!


Chapter Four

Claire Walker woke up to a distant ringing. She turned on her bedside light, squinting at the clock and apologising to her partner, who stirred beside her.

“Wha’ is it?” slurred Rob, still half asleep.

“Phone,” Claire replied, hauling herself out of bed and across the room in search of her mobile. It stopped ringing, but she continued to rummage for it amongst her clothing. It began to ring again as she found it.

“Helen? It’s three am,” she answered, confused.

“I know it is, and I’m sorry,” Helen replied. “Tell Rob I’m sorry if I woke him too.”

Claire heard it in her voice immediately. “What is it, what’s wrong?”

She pulled on her robe and walked out of the room so as not to disturb her sleeping partner any more.

“I need your help,” Helen admitted desperately.

“Right now, hon?” Claire asked, sinking into the sofa. “I mean, this minute?”

“Yes,” Helen replied quietly.

“Where are you?”

“Guy’s hospital…”

“What happened? Are you alright?” Claire asked, concerns over the time disappearing.

“I’m okay. But Nikki’s been hurt…”

“I’ll be right there,” Claire interrupted her. Helen sighed with relief. “Thank you. And I’m sorry, about the time…”

“Christ, Helen, don’t be ridiculous. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Helen was forcing down a cheap cup of machine coffee when Claire arrived, true to her word, thirteen minutes later. Her best friend sank into a chair opposite Helen, noting her bandages and cast.

“How is she? What happened? Are you okay? Is Nikki okay?”

Helen’s head spun with the questions. “I’m alright, just…” she trailed off, gesturing at her injured arm. “It’s Nikki, she hasn’t woken up.”

“Oh, God,” Claire sighed, moving to sit beside her and wrap her arm around Helen’s shoulders. “When did this happen?”

“Saturday. We were shopping” Helen replied numbly.

Claire’s eyes almost popped out of her head. “You’ve been here on your own for two days?!”

“Trisha came by, yesterday. They phoned her. She was still listed as Nikki’s next of kin.”

Claire sighed sympathetically. That was a kick in the teeth on top of an already awful day. “Helen, you should go home, get some sleep…”

“I have slept. I slept here, for a while,” Helen argued.

“Well you still need to eat… and shower!” Claire insisted.

“They won’t let me see her, Claire,” Helen said, her voice breaking. “They won’t tell me what’s going on, or let me see her, because I’m not immediate family.”

“Bollocks you’re not,” Claire replied immediately.

“Can you help me?” Helen asked, looking at her with such vulnerable honesty in her eyes that Claire wanted to wrap her in a big blanket.

“On one condition,” she finally replied.

“Name it,” Helen almost sobbed.

“You get something to eat and a drink with me downstairs.”

“Claire…”

“It’s just a few minutes from here. I’m buying. I know you won’t leave, but you have to keep your strength up. Please.”

Helen nodded. “Okay.”

Two hours later, Claire had fed and watered a protesting Helen, and worked her legal magic on the administrative department of the hospital. They had reluctantly granted her access to Nikki’s room after Claire threatened to take them to court, citing a string of laws and amendments that made Helen’s eyes boggle. Apparently the “immediate family” rule wasn’t quite as inflexible as she had been led to believe by a string of unsympathetic, petty rule-following hospital staff… including Thomas.

“Thank you,” Helen enthused, hugging her. “Thank you so much, Claire…”

“Oh, honey, you’re welcome. I wish I could do more.”

Claire watched as her best friend entered the Intensive Treatment Unit, suddenly hesitant after such a long wait. Helen was suddenly scared of what she might find.

She walked over to Nikki’s bed and leant over her, kissing her forehead tenderly. She took Nikki’s hand as she looked down at her, hooked up to machines and tubes. If she ignored the beeping and the needles and strips of white tape, she looked just like she was sleeping.

“Hey,” she whispered, brushing the hair from Nikki’s face. She sat on the chair next to the wide bed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in to see you before.”

Claire watched for a moment, feeling a lump rise in her own throat. She knew she was surplus to requirements here now. Helen would barely notice anything other than Nikki. She waited for half an hour, then slipped out of the hospital doors as the sun rose.

Helen didn’t know whether to believe Nikki could hear her, and talk to her as though she were able to talk back, or acknowledge the fact that she was essentially talking to herself while Nikki was unconscious. She decided upon silence for a little while. Sitting holding Nikki’s hand, she considered the idea that Nikki might not wake up. She struggled to remember their last conversation, and the last words she said to her. Probably something stupid, she thought to herself with bitter regret. Something meaningless. If she could go back, what would she say? Would it matter? Would any words be enough?

“I love you,” she told the unconscious woman. “Please come back to me, sweetheart.”

She began to cry again, wondering if she would ever be able to go an hour without tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here right now, and I’m sorry…”

She sniffed, taking a breath and trying to summon reserves of courage and energy from somewhere inside of her. “I know if this was the other way around, you’d be dealing with it a lot better than I am,” Helen admitted. “I wish it was the other way around, Nikki, I do. I wish you wouldn’t keep getting yourself into trouble trying to protect me. It should have been me, not you. It should have been me…”

Helen dissolved in floods of tears, her head falling forwards onto the crisp white sheet covering Nikki’s legs. She gripped her hand and cried for what seemed like hours.

Claire returned a few hours later on her way to work. She looked through the window and saw Nikki still lying motionless, and Helen sat on a chair next to her bed, asleep with her head and arms on the bed in front of her. At least she was getting some rest, Claire thought to herself, deciding against waking her. The two had always looked after each other in the past, almost to the exclusion of everyone and everything else at times. She wondered how Helen was going to cope now.

That afternoon, Helen returned from the coffee machine to find Nikki’s ward no longer contained Nikki. It did, however, contain Thomas, who was sat on the stripped bed.

“What’s going on?” Helen asked, immediately on edge. What had happened? Was Nikki alright? Where had they taken her?

“Relax, she’s fine,” Thomas assured her. “I heard they let you in to visit. I’ve pulled some strings so that you can have a private room, instead of this…” he gestured around the small ward, which housed four coma patients. Only one had ever had a visitor, to Helen’s knowledge, and they were pretty quiet neighbours, really, but Thomas was trying to help, and she was grateful.

“That’s really kind of you. Thank you,” she replied sincerely.

“Come on, I’ll show you up,” he offered, standing up and reaching for a carrier bag on the floor. Helen nodded and walked with him to the lifts.

“Still on that diet of caffeine I see,” he commented, nodding at Helen’s cardboard cup. “You should really eat something, at least every now and again.”

He held the bag out to her. Curious, she took it, and peered inside.

“I didn’t know what to get, so I got one of everything,” he added as she took in the selection of Marks & Spencer’s salads and sandwiches.

“Thomas, you didn’t have to do that…” Helen began, overwhelmed.

“It’s nothing,” he smiled, and the lift doors opened. “After you.”

Nikki’s new room was far from five-star, but it was solo occupancy, with a large window that let lots of light spill in, brightening the whole room, and the chair beside the bed was an armchair. The upgrade from hard plastic seat to armchair was probably what Helen appreciated the most.

“This is great, Thomas. Thank you, so much. You really didn’t have to do this.”
“It’s no problem. I can’t do much to help, but what I can do…” he trailed off. “Anyway… I’ll leave you to it.”

Unsurprisingly, the nicer room didn’t exactly encourage Helen to spend less time at the hospital. She continued to spend most of her waking hours at Nikki’s bedside.

It was only two days later, when Helen’s hobo-like state became too much to bear, that Claire pulled her best friend away from Nikki’s bedside.

“Come on, you’re going to get a shower, change, and eat,” she told Helen with the bluntness only a close friend could get away with. “Or when she does wake up, she’s going to think you’re a tramp. Christ, look at the state of you, Helen.”

“Remind me again why I like you?” Helen replied. But she knew her friend was just trying to look out for her in a time of crisis. She didn’t know what she would have done without her help over the years.

“Claire?” she said as they sat at traffic lights in Claire’s Mercedes. Her friend looked across at her, and Helen struggled to formulate the words needed to express her gratitude. This was the woman who had been instrumental in so many things in her life since University, the biggest of which included Nikki’s release from prison, and now the very right for Helen to see her in hospital. She had no words.

“Yes?” Claire replied, aware that Helen sometimes needed a gentle prompt to get things off her chest. When the words finally came out, they were predictably short, but carried a wealth of meaning.

“I owe you.”



tbc.

:fanfic This is so good Terri,I have enjoyed all your stories, but this is one of your better ones, so much angst. Keep it coming. thanks. :fanfic :fanfic

very good, tankyou very much.