Looshkin's thread gave me an idea. After the demise of George Lucas, I fought a spectacular battle against Orlando Bloom. I believe these battles merit their own thread.

As asked by Silv:

Stormy versus Orlando Bloom, illustrated version.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the last SL-Member vs. Celebrity showoff! Today on the roster we have a fight we've waited a long time for! The epic clash between El Stormo and the dreaded Orlando Bloom!



And they're off! Stormy's rocket launcher proves ineffective as Orlando ducks away! Orlando counters with the Pearly-Smile attack, dazzling Stormy and causing him to drop his rocket launcher. Orlando takes a moment to look solemnly and Elvishly into the distance. Mind the overacting, crowd! Only a pro can do this, so don't try it at home, kids.

Stormy takes the time to whip out his Bozar. A terrible burst of automatic weapons fire cuts off Orlando's right leg, but not before Orlando has shot a ridiculously overfeathered arrow in Stormy's shoulder. Orlando next tries to skate down the stairs on an Orcshield, but lacking a leg, he lands face down on the flagstones, shattering his front teeth. Stormy's Bozar in the meantime, is empty, and he tosses it away, pulling out the dreaded flechette pistol he stole from Sam Neill when he was rehearsing for the first Jurassic Park



A flechette whistles away, popping Orlando's left eye. Orlando cries like a little girl and wets his pants. Another flechette pierces his left nostril. Orlando diarrhoeas in the other side of his pants. He tries to get up but slips on the brown mush that seeped out of the leg of his pants. Stormy then fires another flechette, through his other eye, popping it like an overripe grape.



Meanwhile, photographs are being taken from Orlando with his stained pants. Soon those photos will be visible in tabloids worldwide. Orlando whimpers and begs Stormy to save his life. Stormy almost does so, but then Orlando treacherously unhooks a crossbow from his back and cocks a Silver Bolt into it. Big, big big mistake!

Shouting 'I will inspire you by charging blindly on', Stormy does just that. From his backpack, Boo the miniature giant space hamster leaps forth, biting Orlando's crown jewels off. Orlando squeaks in an even higher voice, before being beheaded by a holographic Liam Neeson."



Stormy wins!!

Celebrity extremities acquired: one regular, zero game-winning

W00T!!!!!!!!!!

What a struggle!

I have to get that fight against Mr T.

"And now! A most un-anticipated battle to the death! Sirrrr Jiffy Lube VERSUS....


JOHNY DEPP!

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

Round 1! Ready! FIGHT!"

AND THEIR OFF! Sir Jiffy Lube gets quick lead in points by poking Depp in the eye with a fork. But Johny makes a come back by kicking Jiff's knee cap in. Ouch that's gotta hurt! Jiffy just pulled out a squirt gun filled with lemon juice and squirted it into one of Johny's cuts! Wow look at that! Johny pulls out a crude saber and starts pathetically slashing at Jiff! Look at the lack of skill with a sword! Jiff just picked up a rock and threw it at Depp knocking his front teeth out.

Round 1, win! SIR JIFFY LUBE!

Round 2... READY! FIGHT!

As the two enter the arena once again Jiffy begins with a quick jab in the side to Johny, but he makes a quick conter attack by upper cutting Jiff! Jiff falls back and is down for the count, but gets back up just in time! He charges Depp and head butts him in the gut, causing him to regergitate his lunch! With little children laughing at him, Johny becomes angered and kicks Jiff in the balls. Jiff is down!

Round 2, win! JOHNY DEPP!

Round 3, FIGHT! FINAL ROUND!

We're at a dead tie, both sides injured tonight folks, but this round is special! Each one may choose a weapon! Depp has chosen, yet again, a poorly made saber. And Jiffy has chosen a quarter staff! Depp pathetically tries to slash at Jiff over and over but is parr'd every time by Jiff! With a quick jab to the stomah Depp goes down quick, but he isn't dead yet! He jumps up and behind Jiff and stabs him in the left shoulder. Oh wow that had to hurt! But Jiffy turns around with grace and bashes Johny in the head. With a cuncusion and a big bump, Johny is almost out. And with one more quick bash, his neck snaps, and Johny is dead.

So there you have it folks, Jiff has won the battle to the death against Johny Depp!

PWN3D
-----------------

w00t! I win!

Come sit with me and Looshkin on the VICTORY-bench, Jiff!

At the moment it looks like this:

Stormy - 1 kill(Orlando Bloom)
Sir Jiffy Lube - 1 kill(Johny Depp)
Looshkin - 1 Kill(George Lucas), and Elvis' Hamburger.

At the moment I'm winning by a mouldy meat sandwich.

It pains me that I don't get extra honour-points for my illustrations.

Photos add nothing but fun. hehe....burr.

:(

And now my triumphant battle against Ozzy Osbourne. Oh, I said triumphant, that already means that I've won.
Oh, what the hell.

Looshkin Vs. Ozzy Osbourne

Please give a round of applause for the owner of the old burger, and defeater of George Lucas, weighing in at 30lbs and carrying an array of pointy sticks, wearing NO shorts, Looshkin!

And the challenger, coming from somewhere in Los Angeles, and with the wierd stammer and uncontrollable tauretts syndrome, wearing the very, very, very black trunks, Ozzy Osbourne.

Ozzy make the first move by biting off Looshkins head, a classic move, that has defeated many harmless animals. "Take fuckin' that you fuckin' cat."

Looshkin staggers around the arena, in dissarray. Looshkin grows a new head thanks to being a cartoon cat, and procceeds to his signature move, that's right ladies and germs, he's pulled a sherman tank out of nowhere, Looshkin cheats.

"Fuck me, 'ow'm I fuckin' supposed to fuckin' fight that?"

"Who cares loser."

Looshkin fires the main weapon, but what's this? It's jammed in the barrel. Here's Ozzy's chance to recover.

Looshkin has jumped out of the tank and is now looking down the barrel. Ozzy advances amidst a barrage of mumblings about 'fuckin' this, and fuckin' that'. Ozzy grabs looshkin by the ankles and starts spinning Looshkin around his head, and Looshkin flies out of the arena, smashing his head into a wall.

"Now, I'm gonna fuckin' cheat."

Ozzy has climbed inside the tank and is advancing on a concussed Looshkin.

"Fuckin' say your fuckin' prayers, fuckin' cat."

Ozzy fires the cannon, but he forgot that it's still jammed with the previous cannon round.

"Fuck me."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Looshkins' the winner, like we already didn't know.

*applauds*

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, another showdown between Stormy (who's recovered from his injuries) and P.Diddy! This one will be a tag-team competition, so each have brought a partner! Stormy has brought Holographic Liam Neeson, while P.Diddy has invited the reanimated corpse of Tupac Shakur!

And they're off! Stormy's buzzsaw cuts deep into P.Diddy's sunglasses in a shower of sparks and smoke! P.Diddy shambles backward and shoots at Stormy with his pimp pistol. Unfortunately, he is blinded from bits of sunglasses in his eyeballs and his shots go wide. While P.Diddy slams another clip in the pistol, Stormy beats up Cloud Strife and steals his sword. He deflects the bullets since the sword is so ridiculously big you can't use it for anything else except as a shield.

*TAG!*

Tupac Shakur shambles onto the battleground, moaning 'braaaains'. Stormy is taken aback for a moment, but then he scoops up Looshkin the Cat, and shakes him upside-down, causing a Tank to fall out of the cat's ass! Promptly, a shaped charge blows Tupac to shreds of rotting matter.

*TAG!*

Holographic Liam Neeson takes the field, swinging his lightsaber with vigor! P.Diddy tries to do a Darth-Maul-dance, but ends up looking immensely ridiculous! In the process, however, he manages to produce a mean double-bladed lightsaber. Holographic Liam however is undaunted and he charges P.Diddy, who feverishly deflects his onslaught! Holographic Liam then tries another tactic, showing P.Diddy a picture of Naked Whoopi Goldberg. P.Diddy screams and covers his eyes, but Holographic Liam hesitates, taking the time to gloat over his helpless opponent.

P.Diddy takes the time to pull a rubber doll out of his ass. Cheater! Now it's Holographic Liam's turn to scream as the rubber doll is revealed to be Jar Jar Binks!

*TAG!*

Stormy gets back in the ring, giving Holographic Liam the time to whimper on the bench. He is now equipped with the dreaded red bandana that Sylvester Stallone lost to him in a game of cards. The bandanna strikes fear into P.Diddy's heart and he bolts for the exit. This has, of course, been barred and so Stormy takes the time to put his hair up in large spikes and learn Japanese. Screaming Jap warcries, he pounces on P.Diddy. The two rise in the air with a ridiculously coloured and flashing background behind them and Stormy pounds him into the ground with a punch that sends out a blast of light. P.Diddy malfunctions and explodes.

In the stands, girls cheer, their bosoms going up and down with conviction.

The score:

El Stormo: celebrity extremities acquired: 3 (Orlando Bloom's head, Tupac Shakur's rotting femur, P.Diddy's sunglasses)

Looshkin: celebrity extremities acquired: 3 (George Lucas' beard, Ozzy's ass, Rotting Elves Hamburger)

The Wu-Tang Clan VS Looshkin

It's a one sided fight here in the arena as Looshkin faces his biggest challange: all nine members of the Wu-Tang Clan.

And there's the bell. The Clan start by pulling out uzi's and .44's and start shooting up the arena. Not a single bullet heads towards Looshkin however, and Looshkin reaches up his ass, but what's this. Yes, Stormy in the previous fight stole his tank. Looshkin is now running around dodging bullet's which are only now being aimed at him.

Ol' Dirty Bastard makes his move, and is running toward Looshkin, ODB looks about to deliver a debilitating series of punches to Looshkin. But what's that in Looshkin's hand? It's a laddle! Before ODB can make a move that laddle has been swung forcefully between ODB's legs CURVATURE FIRST. And that's gotta hurt. Every man and gender changed woman in the crowd is cringing, and Looshkin is holding ODB's scrotum for all to see.

The rest of the clan look at each other and ODB passes out from shock. The Clan come to their sense as a scream is heard, And RZA is down. How? Looshkin has jumped on his shoulders and is having ODB's steaming genitals stuffed in his mouth, and he is slowly suffocating. Looshkin jumps off RZA just as the rest of the clan open up, but all they hit is RZA.

Masta Killa and U-God advance on Looshkin with thier .44's, "I'm gonna bust the biggest cap in yo cat ass, pussy."
Looshkin get's an idea, and reaches up his ass again. And he's pulled out. Oh my god, he's pulled out Slipknot

With two of their member's already taken out, Slipknot have the advantage. It all decends into a bad kung fu movie as the clan go into ninja mode, and Slipknot start the attack.

Lots of explosions and high kicking karate action takes place until there are only two people left standing, Dick Nose and Method Man. Method launches himself at Dick and smacks him upside the head with a spinning double kick which smashes Dick Nose's face in. Method is strutting around as he is the winner. Or so he thinks. Method turns around and comes groin to face with Looshkin, who's been watching witha bag of popcorn in the corner, Looshkin still has his laddle. Method backs away slowly. The arena is deathly quiet and the only sound that can be heard is a meloncholy giggle. "hehe....burr"

What happens next can only be described as complete and utter carnage, and is too graphic even for these forums. Needless to say that Looshkin wins although he doesn't seem to know this as he is still attacking the corpses of both the clan and slipknot, and is now hacking off the clan's genitals, and stealing slipknot's masks.

Looshkin: celebrity extremities acquired: 20 (Slipknot's Masks, Wu-Tang Clan's genetalia, Lucas' Beard, and Ozzy's ass, Looshkin no longer has Elvis's burger - he ate it)
El Stormo: celebrity extremities acquired: 3 (Orlando Bloom's head, Tupac Shakur's rotting femur, P.Diddy's sunglasses)

That just proved that Slipknot is shit. ^_^

Stormy does not let his opponent get a large head start however, since he takes on... The entire cast of Star Trek!!

And they're off. The crew of the Enterprise pause to debate the situation while only Worf charges. Worf however is bowled over by Gene Roddenberry's rotting head thrown at him by Stormy. He falls on his own Bat'Leth with his groin and dies painfully and horribly.

The crew is suddenly galvanised, and, taking photogenic poses, they blast away with their wimpy phasers. Not a single shot even goes near Stormy. Kirk and Picard bicker like schoolchildren while Scotty moans that he cannay hold'er any longer! Spock gives the crew the Vulcan high-sign and attempts to charge, but he is cruelly impaled on a Green strapon equipped with turbo-jet engines, courtesy of GreenValkyrie. Spock shoots upward, anally propelled by the strapon and bursts apart against the ceiling, showering Uhura and Wesley Crusher with innards and pointy ears. They squeal like little girls and die from cardiac arrest, their eyes bursting apart under the internal strain.

Picard polishes his head and says, 'Make it so!' Then he wobbles over to Stormy, trying to stay behind cover. He manages to get a shot off, hitting Stormy with a glancing blow, but is then shot in the back by Kirk. Take that, usurper bitch! Picard clutches his back and falls, eyes wide at Kirk. His last words are, 'Tu quoque, Kirkki mi?'

Stormy then opens fire with his minigun, ventilating both Mr. Sulu and Checkov and completely pureeing Wesley Crusher's mom and Deanna Troy. Then Stormy leaps toward the bridge and alters the ship's course. He then escapes with the only escape pod.

Kirk and Bones drunkenly shamble toward the bridge's outlook. They are flying towards a great green beast with a rubbery body, of somewhat bloated corpulence, whose tentacled face was a mass of feelers.

"My god Bones, what have I done?"

"What you've always done Jim. Fly right at Cthulhu."

Looshkin: celebrity extremities acquired: 20 (Slipknot's Masks, Wu-Tang Clan's genetalia, Lucas' Beard, and Ozzy's ass, Looshkin no longer has Elvis's burger - he ate it)
El Stormo: celebrity extremities acquired: 21 (Orlando Bloom's head, Tupac Shakur's rotting femur, P.Diddy's sunglasses, stupid chest-pins of the entire Star Trek-cast)

It was dark, and an aticipation filled the air. Then boom, firework and shit. And the scene is the MTV Movie Awards 2005, the Oscars, the Emmy's and the Grammy's, the Brit Awards, the Kerrang Awards, the MTV 2005 Music Awards, the Golden<A title="Best globe" style="COLOR: #65b45c; TEXT-DECORATION: underline" href="http://69.42.87.210/cgi-bin/ezlclk.fcgi?id=9168" target=_blank> Globe </A>Awards,...... in fact all award ceremonies involving celebrities.

Yes that's right it's Looshkin Vs Celebrity Award Ceremonies

How did he win. With a plutonium shit the size of texas and simultaneous multi-time-phasic blah all are hit at the same time.

Body count in the thousands, alot of celebrities in there as well, well let's just check the figures................................too many.

Unfortunatly all celebrities in the world are now dead.

Hang on I almost forgot.





BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

There goes the Big Brother House.

That was lame, man. :P

i shot her in her head. she's already dead.

We have a new challenger, Looshkin!

And now...Silverbolt versus Dani!!!!! Cradle of Filth's very own Dani!!!

They approach eachother and shake hands, each wishing the other luck. Dani screams something unintelligible, and Silverbolt replies: "You're a fag, dude. And the movie sucked cock."

Dani is enraged and attacks Silverbolt with a deadly guitar solo! Silverbolt acts fast and tosses Optical Mouse to the amplifier. Optical Mouse fucks up the guitar, making it sound even lamer (as if it were possible). Dani uses his "Lame Video Attack" to summon many messed up creatures, straight from hell and his master, SATAN!!! (actually his master's name is Jeff and he conducts plastic surgery on small animals). Silverbolt looks at the twisted wretches, and dodges them, dispatching a few more mice to distract them. Silverbolt reveals a great bulge in his front pocket. Dani grins stupidly (make-up all smeared over his face because he cried when the bad man ruined his guitar) and shrieks a sarcastic comment: "Is that a Rocket Launcher in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

To Dani's surprise, Silvy pulls out a rocket launcher and fires it at Dani! Dani manages to dodge the deadly missle, but a piece of shrapnel gets stuck in his throat making his voice sound even more shittier (as if that were possible). Meanwhile, Silvy gives Lemmywinks a vial and sends him once more into the deadly realm of someone's ass. Crawling into Dani's rectum, Lemmywinks dumps the contents of the vial inside. The vial contained a "Gay Gene" that made Dani even more gay (as if that were possible). With the help of the Frog, the Sparrow Prince and the Katata Fish, Lemmywinks finds his way back out.

Feeling lame, stupid and gay, Dani unleashes the full fury of his most deadly attack. The "I'm a satanist guy so I'm cool" summoning of the Dark Lord himself. Luckily, Silverbolt has anticipated this, so he just sits down and enjoys the show as Satan rises from the depths of hell, and sensing the Gayness inside Dani, drags him below to be Saddam Hussein's replacement.

Silverbolt takes a bow and begins his search for Marilyn Manson.

I deride your Cradle of Filth killing abilities.

I applaude the Avril Levive or whatever her name is, killingnessness.

Up yours, Looshkin.

And now, Marylin Manson versus Myself. MM catches me by surprise and shoots me in the back. Then he shoves a knife in my shoulder, hitting one of my ribs. Then he shoves another knife in my throat. Blinded by rage, I mutilate and kill Marilyn Manson.

Hmm...where the hell did I steal this one from? :unsure:

silverbold...


















godamit.

and i killed her one more time.

Actually that's two times

No, in the first one the chains around her bleeding wrists are keeping her from being hanged and dying.

my pics pwn j00 411!!!!!!11!!!!one!!!!!seventy two

You don't get bonus points for killing the same person more than once.

I don't agree with killing Johnny Depp!!! :angry: