So they’re all coming home.
I feel…elated I guess is the right word to use. This goes way beyond happiness. This is what I’ve wanted, what we’ve all wanted, ever since they first left us and the fact that I know they’re coming back is one of the single most fantastic pieces of information I have ever had the pleasure to possess. I was so scared that none of them would make it back, I mean if they can kill experienced soldiers like my dad what’s to stop them blowing a hole in the head of a rookie like CJ.
I said to Bambi today that I’d exchange anyone’s life for my father’s, well I said her dad but I would exchange anyone. Except Jacob of course. I wondered at the time if I’d exchange CJ’s life for my father’s, if I’d be willing to give up my boyfriend for him. I don’t think I would, I know I wouldn’t. Isn’t that strange? I might be in love with Jack but I think I’m a lot more in love with CJ than I realised. Which would mean that I might actually love him rather than like him a whole lot. But maybe that’s just the war, maybe that’s just because he’s not here and I miss him.
I don’t know anymore. Not that I ever really did.
Jack says that writing a journal is good for me because I don’t like telling people how I feel. I’m not too sure I like writing in a journal either, what if someone reads it? Won’t that be the same as telling them? But if Jack says that I should then who am I to argue. At least he hasn’t asked me to read him bits from it. That would be embarrassing. Especially the pages about him
Isn’t it funny how I know exactly what I want to happen at the airport? Theme music included. Of course it won’t be like that but I know that once I’m there I won’t care so long as my boys get off the plain un-harmed. I know that even once everyone is off I’m still going to be looking at the door; I think I’ll always be waiting for my Dad to come back home. But so long as Jacob, Finnegan and CJ make it back I’ll be as happy as can be.
I should go, I need to double check we’ve got all the ingredients for Jacob’s lasagne, I need to wash and press the dress that CJ likes best and I need to think of a subtle reason to invite Jennifer to Jacob’s ‘welcome back’ dinner. For a first entry I think that went ok.