Title: entry #24
Description: march 1st
Description: march 1st
bambi pratt - July 12, 2007 10:03 PM (GMT)
TIME FOR THEM TO LEAVE...
maneaterThe boys left today. I don't think I've ever been so depressed. Especially to see Dad go. I can only beg to god that Dad and the others won't be in trouble. They're being sent to different platoons, but will be close together, so they can look after each other. Oh gosh, I think me and CJ cried buckets together but He got over it and so can I...I hope. He promised to stay in contact with me and I bought him a worldwide card so he can still use his cellphone wherever he goes. He let me use his cellphone number for the freaks I pick up in bars still. I don't like the sinking feeling I have in my stomach. I really hate that everytime I see CJ my heart breaks a little. He's so sweet. We both know we stopped seeing each other as brother and sister a long time ago and started to see each other as friends. It's been awkward when people ask if I am dating CJ because we're so close. I guess it's why I'm so pissed whenever I talk to the stupid Boner, Christina. CJ Made me add her to my list on my phone so I could inform her if anything happened.
Oh god Ras, when he left I thought I was going to die. He kept his serious face but then he broke a little and kissed him hard on the cheek. He whispered into my ear that he loved me and he'd be back as soon as possible to play games and skate board with me. I've never been away from Ras and he's always been like my bodyguard. I think I scared Jarry away with my hugging, but he's so sweet he just took it then gave me a rare smile. I've never been tight with him, but he's a good guy. I know Piper will miss him. Speaking of, I also had to say goodbye to some of my buddies. Lucky, Finnegan, Johnny, Frankie. Some guys I just didn't want to see go. Even Kevin and Todd left. Today was the hardest. I think my eyes were the puffiest while I was crying on the way back from the car. I don't even know why. I couldn't handle it. Just leaving them off to fend for them selves? Was that smart?
I think I soaked through Steven's jacket. I think he feels worse than I. He can't go to war with his scars and they won't let him in anything else. I don't want to bother him with the words of encouragement because I know as well as everyone else how bad he feels for letting his best friends leave and have him stay all alone. I'm selfish in that I want him here with me. I love him so much. That's the problem. I have a crush or maybe something more on CJ, Rastis, and Steven. Who do I pick? CJ knows me the most, he'd be the perfect husband, but he wants to marry CJ. Ras, I know my dad loves so he'd love if I married him, but I don't know if he'd be my type? He's so wild. Steven. I've loved him since I was a kid. he understood me the most, but how do I face up to him? He thinks I pity him or something.
Oh god, what do I do? I'm so scared of my emotions. I'm even more scared of this damned war.