Dear Diary,
God, I'm so frustrated. I hate this god damned feeling that I get every time-
Okay, this isn't going to work. I feel like Piper, talking to an inanimate object. You need a name, Diary. The only problem is what should your name be? Richard? Hah. No. I don't need to feel like I'm talking to that asshole. Uh... Shit, I hate coming up with names. I mean, names mean a lot! So how about.. Winston! Hah. Sounds like a dog, but I kind of like it. How's that sound, Winston? Good? Well, it should. Nice choice, Winst.
Dear Winston,
I'm so confused. That's the simplest way to put it. And- Hey, Winst, you look pretty good in that shirt! Is it new? I really like that blue color. It's very flattering, especially paired when those shoes. Those jeans are nice too. I really like that light-
Oh my God! Why can't I just talk about this?! Well, I know the reason. It's because I don't want to admit how I feel about Cordell. Rather, I don't want to keep having these feelings when I'm marrying Frankie. I'm marrying Frankie! I can't love Cordell when I like Frankie enough to marry him. It makes me feel... dirty? Dishonest, at least.
It's just. Cordell's my best friend in the entire world. I consider him family (which would certainly make dating awkward, right?). I live with him in the same house and I sleep with him in the same room, in the same bed! I mean, how closer can we get? That's the reason I can't like him. People see us as more than just friends, they see us as practically siblings, right? Imagine if we started dating! Incest = eww. Except, technically, it wouldn't actually be incest. But that's not the point, Winston!
And then there's Frankie. Frankie's so funny and much nicer than the other guys I've dated. He's not like Richard, a sweet guy who turns into a beast when he's drunk. Sure, he's not like Piper's Scott, but he... He loves me! And sure, sometimes he'll push me around, but he doesn't mean to! He always apologizes and he's trying to change, Winston! I know most of my family doesn't approve of him, but... I don't want to die all alone! I don't want to spend my entire life all alone, completely ignored.
No, Winston, I'm not crying! Damn it, I just got something in my eye. The spots on the page are just from my eye watering so badly. God, what if Cordell walks in here while I'm writing?
I really don’t want that to happen, so I’m gonna go, Winst. I’ll be back to vent later. If you come up with any ideas for my dilemma, just let me know. Thanks, Winston. I really appreciate you listening to me. (Shit, I am turning into Piper!)
Much more later,
Delilah