[COLOR=purple] This is mi first crossover. Feel free to critisize.

Chapter 1(the portal):

InuYasha: Kagome, wat....is THAT
Kagome:*looks* no idea. Lets look
*whole group goes over to glowing portal*
Miroku: I think its a portal...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*all are sucked into the portal*

It'll get better trust me...

What is this? There is no point to this story. Makes no sense >.<

Need I say more?

O_O I never thought I've read such a story.

I mean, where's the story. There are lines. With, badly spelled words, but that can't be the story.

How old are you? 2? You act like one. Leave this secton, this site, and the interent all together before somebody hunts you down and kills you for your lack of grammar, spelling, and lack of sense.

Stop Chi! This is Hashima's first story thingy!!

Be nice? Are you crazy. Look at the fucking thing. 5 lines. That's not a chapter. Don't dare reply back. It's not worth your time.

So? I know it's their first story, but they're missing sooooooo much detail such as the disclaimer and story title and the spaces along with spelling.

So,why don't you give Hashima tips on how to make a story? That might be easier than fighting.

[COLOR=purple]Cchapter 1 part two:

Pokemon world:

Ash Misty and Brock are walking through the forest when they spot the InuYasha gang fall from the portal.
Ash was the first to respond "Woa" he said "those people came from nowhere..."
"umm...hi" Kagome said to Ash "kould you tel us where we are? We kind of lost our way..." then she notices Brock is stairing at her "um... :mint29: "
"I'm Ash. we're in..." then Brock interupts "Hi, :inlove: i'm Brock wats your name..." Misty comes by "*sigh*" She then draggs brock off by his ear "as i was saying" Ash sais "We're in Veridian Forest" Kagome is verry confused "Er.. Veridian Forest...?" Then Shippo cones in "Kagome, you idiot! We just went through a portal! Were probably in another dimension!"

Any better? :rose:

Sigh. Fine, here's a tip:

BETA-READER.


EDIT:

Hash spell correctly. Or at least use MSW.

There's no use trying to help. She sucks too bad. Learn to spell first off.

Wow. Better, but still, improve. A LOT.

Well...the grammer has to do with typing. When I type I make a lot of mistakes, but yea...working in MSW is a good idea. Thanks. :rose:

You are very welcome, Hashima. Sigh. Why not make the story a bit longer though?

O, and Ari, Ihave an idea for you:

STOP READING IT AND STOP REPLYING IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS!

Oo...

Hash, that was a big no-no.

OOO I'm so scared. How about I bring in some more others who think your story sucks. Leave me alone. You have no effect and no power. Don't talk to your superiors in such a way. YOU leave. You don't have friends here, and your stories suck. No one will miss you.

Don't bother replying. I don't want you to hurt your fucktard little brain trying to think of a good comeback.

OK...

Kagome is stunned “ Another dimension! :0_0: We can’t be in another dimension...”
“Yea, well its probably true” seeing a caterpie inch bye he added “see that thing? You don’t see those in our world, do you?”
“No...I guess we could be in another dimension...maybe... :...: ” While this is going on Miroku has gone to stand next to Misty “Will you bear my child?” he sais spouting his favorite line. Misty turns on him “What?<_< You creep!” She then wacks Miroku over the head. “Wow” sais Sango who’s standing close by “I was gonna do that my self. Nice job” Miroku glares at her while rubbing his sore head “you know” sais Misty absently “he sort of reminds me of Brock”

I have to get off for a few minutes to cleen mt room. BYE :rose:

aren't u suppose to be cleaning it now?

I was, but i left my computer on this site...

Inuyasha comes over “Look, can we do something instead of just sitting here? The sooner we go somewhere the sooner we can get out of this world.” Kagome and Shippo abandon their argument “InuYasha’s right, we should get to the next town.” “Huh...” sais Shippo “You just side with him cuz’ he’s your boyfriend...”
“Look” sais Kagome to Ash “could you please help us to the next town, we really need your help.” “O.K.”sais Ash “we can take you to a...” Suddenly Team Rocket comes out of the bushes and sings their theme song. “Who the crud are they!” Asks Inuyasha

Gotta go! Later :rose:

If you left the computer on this site, then how come I do not see it floating around?

Pfft. Hash, do us all a favor and either fix up the story, (make it more... interesting...) Don't work on the story at all; as in drop the fiction or fix up your attitude or leave IJ for good.

Well I'll be nice.

Work on adding in more detail, trust me it won't annoy people. Also, as other had said, type this on MSW, it'll help a lot. And make the story longer, if you do not have the time than save it on Word, and work on it later until chapter is completed.

You'll know if a chapter is completed once you've typed up ten paragraphs (a paragraph contains five sentences) than post it.

Hash, I am new at this fic thing too and I don't use MSN Word.

Saku and the others do have a point when it comes to adding detail and making the chapters just a little longer than what you have been posting them as.
Also, if possible, please try to type a little slower, and if need be: "hunt and peck' the keys on your keyboard to spell your words better. I know I have done that on many an occasion when I was posting both here and on other forums including Neopets. ^__^

Hash, To see an example of what I am talking about... Please read my fan fic called: A "Fullmetal Pokemon"?!

You may be suprised at what a new fic writer can do when they do not use MS Word. :)


Ari, I have two words for you: SONIC BOOM!

That type of critisism is not entriely welcome. Shape up or ship out yourself.

-_- The same goes for you too, Luke.

I admit that I may be new here But I have been role playing for more years than either of you.
My fic writing just has something to be desired and I haven't had a desent rp fic to be in until Ode to Stand, and FMA, and perhaps, End of Toril.

I critised? I only helped Hash! I think I don't feel like going back and looking at my posts.

My apologies, Luke for accusing you. *bows humbly*

*sighs* I was on kinda a rant last night and I included you in it when Ari was the main target. That was my mistake.

Please forgive me, Tomodachi (friend) Luke.) *bows humbly*


*To Hashima*

Please continue when you may, Tomodachi Hashima.
Your fic is wonderful to read. :angelstar7: :angelstar7: :angelstar7:

heh its ok but it needs more detail and more length... might I suggest typing it out on wordpad before posting that way you can make it alot longer

Jostanos...............accept the fact that Ari and other users ARE like this. You haven't even SEEN the "trio" yet.

Oh BTW Hashima, this fic needs a bit more detail and maybe you coul think before you type. By that, I mean gather up the facts you want to use in the story and then put them in order on how you want them to happen.

i can't wait for the next update

this is a good story when will you update it?

Wow...it's been over a year since I wrote this. It was quite possibly my first fanfiction. I am quite aware that it was very bad. I've written stuff WAY better since then and I intend to post some of them here (if any one's ever on here anymore to read them).

I'll read! *raises hand* tho I really hope that you finish this one, though. I hate it when authors abandon their fictions! (ex. sessomaru goes to High school by Kamiliah_femaledogdemon)