My Love
When our eyes met,
I knew you were the one
Then you told me you love me
My heart skipped a beat
When you kissed me
I needed more
When you leave
Part of me is gone
When a girl hugs you
I get jealous
When you laugh
My day is brighten
When you held me
My breathing stopped
When you need me
I will be there.

it's beautiful!! good work and it's not lame =]

Oh please, everyone has got to start somewhere, and that's not a bad start at all. When I break it down, there's emotion (emotion does not mean corny), some detail, a little tiny story.

If you want to get better, I suggest start making your poems longer and longer, little by little, and while doing that, add more detail to what each person in the poem thinks, or just the narrarator... Just keep working at it. That wasn't as bad as you think.

hey!
who says its lame, huh?
it was wonderful!!!
of course~! all the emotion u have written down is something we will feel in reality....

Please, don't bring back old topics.