some poems I've written lately, can you guys please comment on them? thanks!

Night’s Wind

The crimson sun sets slowly into the clouds,
The fluorescent moon lighting the dark sky in rounds.
The grass whistles as night’s wind quivers,
Sending waves of brilliant energy causing shivers.
The cold wind has gone, warm replacing,
Fear, cowardice, hate erasing.
Love has come touching the soul,
Prompting strength as the weak’s goal.
Stars creating patterns up in the sky,
A boy, laying calm, wondering why.
Night’s wind wanders the Earth crying,
Yearning for a soul, never lying.
The boy creeping deeper into his slumber,
Dreaming up dreams creating wonder.
Night’s wind’s soul locates the boy,
Seeping in his soul with joy.
Night’s wind has escaped distress,
His soul now filled with finesse.
The shining moon dissolves past the horizon...
The sun rising once again, another day will now awaken.


Circle
The majesty called the sun is laid to rest
The queen, the moon, shines its best,
The stars become the messengers of night
The wind carries tunes of glee, not of fright,
The darkness calms the mind, it sleeps without thought
The creatures come out, that the night has brought,
The eyes and the heart become one at this hour
Astounding it is, that calm brings power,
The grassy planes rustle as the wind speaks its way
The nations are at peace, which is what night will say,
The moon wanes away, weeping with dark tears
The bright day comes alive, again fear appears,
The calmness is lost, as things awaken
The day has come, night has shaken.


Night
Darkness is not what one fears
It is what brings calmness and wipes away tears,
Night is here, the wind flows over bush and tree
Creatures of the night, travel the world with glee,
The stars are messengers of the night
The wind carries the messages scaring away fright,
The boy, he sleeps, in a tent on a field
The night brings him peace, his body will yield,
When day comes again he will wake
He will be one with nature, one the night did make.


Ok, and now for one of my drama exercises I had to read a Sonnet and than make my own version of it. So here is the original and my version:

Original:
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time’s waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unus’d to flow,
For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night,
And weep afresh love’s long-since cancell’d woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish’d sight.
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o’er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restor’d, and sorrows end.

My version:
When I sit alone in this here room
I remember memories lost in the past,
I laugh as I think of things I have not in my grasp.
And with old and new anguishes my time is wasted:
Then I can forget how to see with my eyes,
For friends hide from a date with death this night,
And cry loves long lost song of despair,
And groan at the cost of many a crushed sight.
Then, I can lament at lamentations foregone,
And heavily from anguish to anguish tell over,
The depressing account of groan before groan,
Which I new compensate as if not compensated before,
But while I sit here alone, your memory comes to mind,
All grievances annihilated, and death I can find.

2 more poems I wrote up, nothing to do with the sonnet above:

Rain

A calm night breeze flows over tree and ground,
As a grey cloud covers up princess moon,
And begins to shed its tears.
A man lies numb, sword at his side,
As night’s tears roll down his face and corpse,
The blood runs clean fusing with earth and soil.
Rain falls continuously as lights extinguish,
Villages and towns lye down to sleep,
The water’s noise calms the soul,
As the land falls silent and and blood runs cold,
Of the corpse on the ground his soul ascending,
To worlds above in dimensions unseen,
Peace comes now as night’s tears begin to dwindle down,
The sky clears a path for princess moon,
And calmness again approaches night,
As a sleeping nation, stays silent.


Tears

A child and dog play with love and happiness,
But a man, insane, wishes to combine the love they share,
He combines them together with magic unknown,
Making a man-beast filled with sadness unequaled by any other,
A man enters the room where the beast does dwell,
And when their eyes do meet, he knows what deed has been done,
He grows silent with fury and rage,
The beast is captured by people not seen,
But the man strikes back, the beast free again,
The man searches and searches the town in worry,
While he does so, another man finds our beast,
He sees the sorrow deep in its eyes,
And to save the soul of this man beast
He separates the two with the cost of their deaths,
The man leaves the seen as the other enters in,
He spies the wall, blood scatter all over,
He knows the deed that happened but seconds before,
As tears begin to roll down his checks
And rain pours down over his soul.

here is a poem I wrote for my mom, since its her birthday today.

Flower

The violet petals shine
As blinding father son emits rays of light.
A night’s rain, just passed,
The water seeping into the soil,
Purifying the flower stem.
The majestic suns sets,
Princess moon glimmers radiantly.
Her illuminating beam of dull night light,
Intensifies the radiance of the violet color shade.
As these days progress the flower will only,
Grow larger and larger till the day it withers,
Only to be born once again.

Those were awesome!!!

Tears sounded something that happened from Full Metal Alchemist. ;)

They were all beautiful.

thanks! And yes, tears was inspired by a FMA episode