~¢¾ONE¢¾~
"Yay the first day of summer!" I shouted as Summer,Max,Jakob,and me exited the school building."its also the first day of one week you got here"Max reminded summer.I playfully shoved Max into Jakob."Dont reminder her!"I shouted as Max and Jakob stared at me or rather behind me."What?"I wispered quietly.I turned around.I saw the MOST georgous being ever.He looked at me and his eyes were the most perfect hazel ever.I turned around grabed Jakob and Maxs arms and ran to catch up with Summer."Candy meeting my house now." i said.(writer:ha ha krazie Squad!) when i got to my front walk I ran inside my house and shouted "Mom we'er home!"My mother came downstairs."Hiya,when did i have tree more children?
srry i will up date later my hands hurt
Its okay so far, but I suggest developing more of a plot ^^
Its pretty good for a first time but it still needs some work
| QUOTE (Haiyato Berzerker @ Dec 17 2007, 06:51 PM) |
Its okay so far, but I suggest developing more of a plot ^^
Its pretty good for a first time but it still needs some work |
ok i will work on it thanks jesse
That's not bad for a first fic. I think however, it would be easier to read if you could make it into like 2 separate paragraphs or something. Also, there are some grammar errors and misspelled words, but it's pretty good for a first try. Keep working at it and you'll get better in no time. ^^