hello! im inari. this is my new fanfiction. kaiame oragionallly made the plot, and im changing it. she gave it to me. if you dont bilieve me, ask her yourself.

i dont have time to do the first paragraph. i will do it later. dont pressure me!!!

Just to let you know, it had better be more than just a paragraph.

Otherwise, me and some of the other writers here might get a little ancy.

Just a warning.

I claim "the pretty girl". I do not own the inu cast, i am using them for mine, and your, amusement. again kaiame made the plot, and she gave it to me.
all the above refers to all chapters.


....its later.
Chapter 1
Hello. My name is Sango. I will be telling most of this story of Kagome and I's changes. If you dont enjoy peoples troubles, you might want to go to another story. And before I start we-
"SANGO, COME SAY GOODBY TO SHIPPOU" called mirouku from outside the hut we rented. I ran out, to see shippou holding a small black bag.
"Goodby, Kagome." shippou said inbetween sobs. She was kneeling in front of him, also sobing her goodbys. After she was done, I went and sat next to him.
"How are you doing?" I asked him.
"Ok. You?" He said back.
"Im fine."
"Yep."
"Yep." suddenly we both burst out in tears, and he jumped on me, then we started laughing. It was really wierd.
Finally, Kaiade took him to her hut, whitch he would be staying at for about a year. We couldent visit him much, because we were moving back near the well. Kagome was planing to go back home for a few days. That was just one change.

Goodby, Shippou. Ill see you soon.





How was that?

im sorry, i dont have much time to write.

Ill try to make the other chapters longer

Cintinue chappy1
I sighed. Poor Shippou, he must be so sad. Oh, well. He'll have fun at Kaiade's. Best not to think about it too much.

We packed our stuff, then headed in the direction of the well. Kagome and Inuyasha walked in front of Mirouku and I, and they were mad. At each other. For what reason, I only know that somthing happened in Kagome's time, but its best not to think about that that much either. My legs started to hurt, so I told Inu and Kag that Mirouku and I would ride Kirara.
"Why-" Before Mirouku could say more, I grabbed his arm and pulled him on my Twin Tails.
"Um, okay. Ill see you, Sango!" Kagome shouted as we leaped in the air.

Okay, here's my question:

If you planned on writing both parts of chapter 1 on the same day and close to the same time, why not just wait before posting the first part and you could post both parts together instead?

As for the fic itself, it lacked detail and proper grammar. Add more detail to it and use a spelling checker if you have one available.

1. Two little paragraphs do not count as an entire chapter.
2. Your story is lacking detail.
3. I suggest you use MSWord to save your work and then work on it after. Once seven paragraphs are done then it qualifies as a chapter.

Yours is the best I've read on IJ in the past month. I'll give you that. At least you understand the concept of new paragraphs per speaker, Quotation marks, SPELLING AND GRAMMAR. -COUGH COUGH-

But come on. That's not a chapter. That's BARELY an intro. Seriously, you can totally make it longer. If you have it, use word (Like Saku said) and if you have 2 pages of single spaced, 12 point times new roman font, then you're PROBABLY good to go. But it depends on the amount of dialogue you have. Or if you don't have word, minimum of 7 paragraphs, each 6-8 sentances long. Or the eqvilent. (Excuse my spelling)

And you saying how you don't have time to write it all at once, if you don't have a solid computer, use a USB drive. Every computer (PC At least...) should have at the bare minimum, wordpad. But if you don't have a USB drive, email it to yourself, which you MUST have because it's required to join IJ.

Now, to the actual chapter. As said before, you need detail. That seems to be the hardest thing for writers, which I don't see why it is. Maybe the scene is hard to put into words.

Nobody ever said that you had to write your story in a day. I spent 2 months on one chapter because I couldn't get it right. I finally did, and it took me 2 months. But I didn't rush it and let it come to me. That's how you should rush. Don't feel bad if you "bump" your story, if you're updating and people flame, then those people should shut their mouths.

And check your names. I realized that you spelled Kaede wrong and Miroku at a few spots. Same with general spelling, read it outloud if you don't have a spell check, it causes your brain to read whats ON THE PAPER and not WHATS IN YOUR HEAD. Your brain will automatically fix mistakes on paper/screen if it knows what you're trying to say, so saying it out loud helps a lot.

"so I told Inu and Kag..." Please, for the love of Grimmjesus, never ever do that. When you write stories, you never use nicknames unless it is a character saying it. If you put nicknames, it makes it look bad.

Please, for the love of Grimmjesus, realize, I WRITE THIS STUFF TO HELP YOU.

Im sorry, Inari, I love the story, but I do agree with Ari. ESPECALLY on the Inu and Kag part. Its a few letters difference. I get really annoyed when people do that.

one thing, i never said the chapter was over!! as for everything else, ill try to put more detail, and ill start writing on microsoft word. it has a spellchecker.