ok ok.... I am not sure how to start this but I do know how to write storys... So I guess I should start with the intro... before I do that

I do not own any Inuyasha charicters from Iuyasha

I own any charicter I make up

(I am not sure how to say that stuff)


INTRO:

Hi!!! I am Kilico(kill-i-co) Takawashi(talk-a-wash-ee)! I am 15 almost 16 and Kagome H. is my BFF!!! we both go to the same school. the school is called Kinawan High school. My best guy friend is Koga and Inuyasha(it is very fun to watch them fight). My family is the Takawashi family known for saving our city and discovering the fudal era(plz tell me how to spell things if I spell wrong). I live with my mom and step dad. I have two sister and one brother(you will meet them later).



Should I continue??? or not??? btw this is my third fanfictions the others were not so good but I want to try and make this one a success like all the other awesome authors of Inuyasha storys!! Plz go ahead and critisize p.s I am not a very good speller as you probably already figured out.


oh and tell me if I need a different color also

and also this is what Kilico looks like:

I am bored so i am oging to start the first chapter

and I do not own any INuyasha charicters from Inuyasha

I own any charicter I make up myself

(I am not sure how to write that still)


chapter 1: School


Kilico's POV:

*beep* *beep* *beep*

*smack*

"I hate getting up in the mornings!" I complained as I sat up.

I wonder if Inuyasha is up yet? Probably not...he can get to school so fast what is the point of getting up early. I started toward my closet to get my clothes as I heard a bang on my window. "who is that?" I wondered as I walked to my window.

I opened it up only to see Inuyasha. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"what are you doing waking uo so late!?!" yelled Inuyasha in his normal annoyed voice.

"what do you think!!! School doesn't start till nine today!!" I yelled back.

"What?!?"

"did you even know that?"

Inuyasha looked down and in a hushed voice he replied ,"No."

I looked down sorry. "Hey...Why dont you go to the front door knock and wait inside the hous while I get dressed."

"Ok," said Inuyasha calmly.

As he left I closed my window and went to my closet. Today I always wear the same thing!! Well also known as my favorite out fit! (on the forst day of school you can wear whatever you want but after that you go to the uniforms) I pulled on my clothes as i walked to the bathroom to get my face ready for school.


Inuyashas POV:

I knocked on the front door for what seemed like five minutes. Kilico's mom opened the door. "Oh, hi Inuyasha. Come in Kilico will be down in a minute," said Kilico's mom with a friendly smile ," make yourself feel like your at home."

I smiled politley and walked in and sat quietly on the floor. Damn what is taking her so long!?! I was cursin to myself when Kilico walked down stairs in her favorite outfit. She always looks hot in that outfit!! I wonder if I can have breakfast with her? "Inuyasha would you like to have breakfast with us?" yelled her mom from th kitchen.

"Sure," I replied with a smile.

Kilico smiled her nice smile at me then told me to come and sit at the table. I did what she said. I really like Kilico but I know for a fact that she does not feel the same way. "Inuyasha??" asked Kilico.

"What?" i asked after her question.

"what's wrong?? You look like well...you like you are thinking and I know you don't do that very much. What are you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing just...just thinkiong of what the first day of school will be like."

"Ok! I mean cause you were really deep in thought!! I said your name five times before you heard!!" Kilico said playfully.



*five minutes later*

we started breakfast and no one realy talked. Soon Kilico and I would be on our way to school.



*at Kagomes place*


"Kagome you ready we have to meet up with Kilico and Inuyasha in thirty minues!" said Koga getting bored of sitting at the table.

"Don't worry Koga she will be down in a minute," said kagomes mom.

Kogas POV:

Damn!!! What is taking her so long!! It was like this last year too..except I was at Kilico's house and Inuyasha told me Kagome took long. *sigh* I guess I got what I asked for. I looked behind me and there was Kagome standing in her most hotest outfit. "Kagome!" I said surprised by what she wore.

"What!?!? Is it ugly I mean I tried to look good but all my other outfits were...were not good for the compotition at school!" she yelled.

"What compotition would that be?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"it is the one to see who is the most hottest gril in school, and I want to win this year!!"

"Honey, relax you are already beautiful. what else could you possibly want?" asked kagomes mom.

"For I guy to ask me out," she looked down as she said that in a low voice.

Oh Yeah!! No guy has asked her out for a year!! That means my bet with Inuyasha is over and I can ask her out! Now I just need to figure out when I should ask her out...It should probably be near Inuyasha so he knows I won the bet... "Koga?" asked Kagome.

"What?" I replied.

"It is time for breakfast and you are just sitting there not touching your food," said Kagome a little confused.

"Oh..."

I looked at the clock then realised we only had five minutes. when we have one minute left I will tell Kagome.


Kagomes POV:


Finaly almost time to go. "Kagome go change to your regular clothes," said my mom.

"Why?" I asked in a winney voice.

"because I think those clothse are too sluty!" Yelled my mom who hardly yells.

"Ok," I said looking down said.

YES!!! I was ready for this! Now I can use my vackup clothes and put them over my clothes! HA! HA! Mom I win this round!


I came back downstairs and told Koga to start getting his stuff so we could leave.


*two minutes later*


"Hey Kagome, are you ready for school?" he asked.


"I guess," I replied looking down.



*at Kilico's house*



Inuyasha's POV:

I wonder if Kagome and Koga have left yet?? If I know Kagome she is probably just getting downstairs.

"Inuyasha!!" yelled Kilico in my ear.

"What did you do that for?!?!?" I yelled back angry.

"I just wanted to," she said sadly while looking down.

"whatever," I said annoyed like.

"Let's go Inuyasha! It is time to leave!"

I got my stuff and helped Kilico get hers. I wondered if Koga actualy showed up at Kagome's house? Well...that is none of my buisness right now.



My(me gabby30) POV:


Inuyasha grabbed Kilico and pushed her outside before she could run to the bathroom. "Why'd you do that???" she asked mad.

"I knew you would want to make sure your hair is ok...so I took a mirror and brush with me," Inuyasha handed her the mirror and brush as they started to walk to meet Kagome and Koga.





how is it??? Is it bad good tell me!!!!!!! Chapter 2 coming soon!

Okay, here's my constructive critism:

It seems to be a Mary-Sue with the new character around. There are tons of errors and (well, in real novels, it doesn't happen but in forums, yeah, it happens but oh well) you shouldn't space out almost every sentence.

Those are my three cents. Oh, and it's a decent start.. except for the 'Hot Contest' thing; kinda chessy there.

I will try and work on everything see I am not good in the whole Language Arts/Spelling I am better in reading...and I am not very old like some people not like old old but like 16 17 15 maybe soo...yeah... But I will try and work on everything...you know... that is excactly what my teacher tought us in class "don't just use sentences make paragraghs" I was doing better but I guess I lost my touch or well I am not good at doing that stuff on the computer.. I mean I just wrote this I thought of it then wrote and umm the cheessy thing I could not thing of something but they have different personalities in this story but not very different...

and what is mary-sue????

A Mary-Sue is a character that seems to be poorly made, like, pretending that character is you and makes the character look perfect.
(example: Sammy can beat anyone in martial arts because she's so great and everything and can do everything that is harder for everyone else, but it's east to her) <-- If I were to make a novel like that; MARY-SUE ALERT.

Anyways, I'm 13 and I think that I'm pretty good with English.

i am younger than 13 I am years younger than that...umm...I am going to give her flaws I just have not thought of what they should be I mean...It is hard for me to write storys...My mind goes to fast for me to remember somethings like when I am talking I can't get out what I was thinking cause my mind was farther ahaid something like that...atleast my mom says that and I believe her cause I always do that when I raise my hand.... I am going to do something then start the nexy chapter (which will be in like five min. probably)

Oh I forget I foound pitures of what kilico and kagome are wearing:


Kilico:



what the girl is wearing not the guy!


Kagome:

sorry for posting three times in a row I just wanted to let you know I might not post the next chapter for a little while we are having troubles with the computer and I can not type a whole chapter or even part of it...it is just wierd srry!

Apology accepted, Tomodachi (Friend) Abby.

We, your fellow fic writers, occasionally have that very problem happen to us.

Please continue when you may, my friend. We are l eager to find out what happens next. ^^

Well age doesn't really matter ^^ I think you should practise more on writing skills on, like, Microsoft. Because picky people (like moi ~.^ Lolz) get irritated with very simple mistakes going over and over.
Because I sucked big time when I was 11 and I've grown alot and people think I'm at least 15-16.
Lolz.

ok :]

sorry I did not continue I got kicked off the computer I shall make sure my spelling is correct somehow...As I said before i am not good in L.A/ Spelling those are probably my worst subjects...So i shall continue my fanfic. about every week or tey to atleast...but thank you my good friends for helping me with this :]

I'll give a full critique later, but I'll say this now:

Age is not an excuse for poor spelling and grammar. If you post your writing, you should be fully prepared to do so without torturing your readers. That means you need to work on your spelling and grammar BEFORE you start posting.

Seriosuly, stop spacing out so much. It doesn't make you look any smarter (in fact it makes you look like you have no idea on how to write). One measly sentence does not make a full paragraph, four sentences does. You also need to fix your punctuation! That is also something very important. Remember that!

Also; age is no excuse for poor grammar and quality! There are some kids at age ten that I know who can write really well for their age. I can see that you're an amature writer, but you can actually learn to take other people's advice. It actually will help to improve your writing! Trust me; I've been criticised for my writing before as well!

I agree with KikyoPhobia and Dariane's part in this. Somehow, I'm not so articulate when I know exactly what's wrong, but I am when I speak in person. It's weird ^^;

ok...It is just my worst subject but...I have really been trying very hard and I do everything my teacher says...that include punctuations... See my teacher tells us to write spaced out so I do!! So I am only doing what my teacher tought me... but I will continue the story later cause I will now go to a place where it will check my spelling so people like you will not have to suffer for my horible writing skills

Tomodachi Abby, I agree with them on only one point: Too many spaces.

However.. You are doing the best that you can and are following what your teacher has taught you to do so far and I applaud that. ^^

Spacing aside, your story is too good, In my opinion, to go dormant like so many that surrounds it. ^^


Please continue when you may, my friend. *bows*

I shall continue in a moment for I must try and figure out how to check my spelling on the thing I am using soo well here it is:


Chapter 2: School


Inuyasha and Kittomi had finally met up with Koga and Kagome 5 minutes later. "Hi Kagome!" said Kittomi first before any one else could speak ,"Are you ready for school?" Kittomi had a really big grin on her face.

"Yeah...I guess. It is just my mom made me wear this old piece of junk again," Kagome sighed as she looked down. "I wish my mom was more like your mom, I mean you can wear whatever you whenever you want!"

"I guess that is kinda true but...It is not I am not aloud to wear clothes like this to the mall. I mean it is just like going to the mall when going to school," replied Kittomi frustrated.

Inuyasha stared blankly into the sky. Kittomi watched him nicely making sure no one to see her looking.


Kittomi's POV:


Oh man...Inuyasha looks so handsome today. I wish he would ask me out...


Inuyasha's POV:

I wonder if Kittomi likes me? What if she does? Oh man this is bad... If she does I should ask her out...But what if she doesn't??? Oh man. I don't know what to do!! Maybe Koga will help me, but what if he likes Kittomi too. Shi.t! This is real bad. "Inuyasha?" Kittomi asked me as I thought of her.

"Yeah? What is it?" I replied looking concerned.

"Well...I want-," as Kittomi was about to ask me something koga interupted ,"Hey guys we're running a little late!! Look the bell is going to ring in less than ten minutes!!" yelled Koga while interrupting Kittomi ," It takes ten minutes to get there!!"

Kittomi looked at me sadly then looked at Koga. I wonder what she wanted to ask? What if she was going to ask...No she would never do that. I looked down depressed to find Kagome hopping on my back ," Come on Inuyasha run!! Koga is already almost there already!"

I started to go almost forgetting Kittomi. Oh man what about Kittomi?? I looked back and saw her starting to walk. What?? She doesn't look sad at all!!


Kittomi's POV:

I was staring at Inuyasha as his hair flowed in the wind. It was as if he was running in slow motion...I came back to reality and realized what Koga had said. "Oh man!!!! Damn it!! Damn it to hell!!" I yelled but not loud enough for anyone to hear. I started trying to summon enough strength to run. It took me a little but I finally started to run when I caught up with Inuyasha. "Hey!!" I yelled looking at Inuyasha. Inuyasha looked very surprised as if he didn't think I had the strength ," Surprised?"

"Well duh I am surprised!! You have never done that before!!" He yelled back. I had a smirk on my face. I started to laugh when we finally got to school. "So when did you learn to do that?" asked Inuyasha. Before I could say anything he continued ," Let me guess," he paused with a smirk ," Today!"

"Nope!! I learned that a while ago but never used it because my mom said I could never use it unless an emergency," I finished with a large smile on my face. Inuyasha looked like he was in his thinking space whatever you want to call it. I watched him wondering if he actually like me ," Inuyasha?" I said without realizing it.

"Yeah? What is it?" he replied the same way as last time. Before I replied I wanted to get the courage to ask him so I waited a couple seconds.

"Inuyasha..I-I need to ask you something," I paused again waiting for him to say something. He just looked at me waiting. "Inuyasha I was wondering if...if you wanted to...go on a-," just as I was about to say it the bell rang and Inuyasha ran off. I was so depressed I almost cried but luckily I didn't.


Inuyasha's POV:

what was she going to ask???

I will continue on chapter 4 but I had a problam with my computer and it won't let me check my spelling I am working on trying to fix it but when I fix it I will come back and edit this post

thanks for reading!!

p.s I justed edited it and I found out how to check my spelling so it should be correct for now on

Ok here I go!!:


Chapter 3: Class


Kittomi's POV:

I was in my class as I spotted my best friend Kagome. I was going to go sit by her when some guy taller than me pushed me ," Hey!! Why'd you do that!!" I yelled angrily not paying attention to who it was.

"Please sit down Ms. Takawashi," the man replied. It only took me a moment to realize it was the teacher. "Ms. Takawashi please sit down you are wasting our time," he said very coldly.

I froze for a moment ," Yes sir," I said quickly going to the seat next to Kagome. I sat there watching the teacher. "He kinda looks like Inuyasha," I whispered to Kagome. She just looked at me with concern.

"Ms. Takawashi please stop interrupting the class," said the teacher with his back facing the blackboard.

I had a confused look. How did he know...I know he must be a demon. He is Inuyasha's brother! Oh man...He hates Inuyasha and that means he probably hates me!! Kagome looked at me then looked at the teacher. (I do not know Inuyasha's last name so if you do please help me) "My name is Mr. Yagami. If you have any questions about my teaching skills come see me after class. If you can not remember my name call me Mr. Y"

I looked at him surprised he would use a not so emotionless voice though it was still very emotionless. I stared at him wondering if he would ever do anything. As I thought that he started to write something on the board. I read it quietly "please take out your pencil/pen, a piece of paper and your world history book". I grabbed all the supplies I needed and sat looking at the blackboard. I looked to the side of me where Kagome wasn't there was a guy staring at me. "Hojo! Stop staring at girls and pay attention!!" Mr. Yagami yelled as Hojo quickly started getting his stuff.

"Yes sir!!" he yelled back quickly.

I giggled. The boy Hojo glared which made me giggle more. I stopped when I felt the glare of two more people. I looked up and saw the teacher glaring. I was wondering who the other was when I looked to my side to see it was Kagome. I was wide-eyed when I saw it was Kagome. "Ms. Takawashi and Hojo I would like you both to go outside of the classroom for 15 minutes for what you have done, and Ms. Takawashi I would like you to apologize." said Mr. Yagami looking quite..well...emotionless.

I was partially mad but...who wouldn't? I mean come on going out side with a guy who used to stalk Kagome! I got up and started walking outside when people started to laugh. I got so mad I punched the kid who was laughing the hardest. Luckily Mr. Yagami only thought I got real close but not enough to hurt him. I then went outside.


Kagome's POV:

Finally she is the one getting in trouble and not me!! I had a smirk on my face. "Ms. H. I would like you to see me after class." Mr. Yagami said as my smirk went to a confused face.

Oh no!! Oh man what did I do now!!



coming soon (maybe later today) Chapter 4: The surprise

and after that chapter 5: Lunch

Much better ^^ Although, I real writer doesn't do much spacing.

last story I wrote there was not enough spacing and if I go back how i used to write it will look like this (paragragh from story)

I had a confused look. How did he know...I know he must be a demon. He is Inuyasha's brother! Oh man...He hates Inuyasha and that means he probably hates me!! Kagome looked at me then looked at the teacher. (I do not know Inuyasha's last name so if you do please help me) "My name is Mr. Yagami. If you have any questions about my teaching skills come see me after class. If you can not remember my name call me Mr. Y"
I looked at him surprised he would use a not so emotionless voice though it was still very emotionless. I stared at him wondering if he would ever do anything. As I thought that he started to write something on the board. I read it quietly "please take out your pencil/pen, a piece of paper and your world history book". I grabbed all the supplies I needed and sat looking at the blackboard. I looked to the side of me where Kagome wasn't there was a guy staring at me. "Hojo! Stop staring at girls and pay attention!!" Mr. Yagami yelled as Hojo quickly started getting his stuff.

Okay... I don't understand the spacing comments. Why are people under the impression that a paragraph HAS to be a certain number of sentences. It can be one sentence, especially when dialogue is involved. In school, your teacher probably tells you to write a certain number of sentences per paragraph, but that's SCHOOL. There's a huge difference between school writing and real writing.

I will point out one thing, though, Gabby. Each time a different character begins speaking, you MUST start a new paragraph.

The end.

Oh well. Okay.

I do...and that is what everyone is getting mad about!! I start a new paragraph every time someone starts to talk and that is all I do which everyone says is to much spacing!! You people are making me confused!!

Well, they're wrong. I'll tell you that right now. (Sorry about the misunderstanding. I just glanced at it. I haven't really read it yet.) But if you're starting a new paragraph each time a new character speaks, then you're correct. Ask any English teacher. Use books as examples. Trust me. You're doing it the right way. There are still some serious grammatical issues, but that isn't one of them.

OK thx!! I will probably update my story today or next week cause well...I have school tomorrow and that means I can't get on till late and I know I probably won't get on here so tthank you everyone for helping me with this!!

Hehe ^^; I multitask so my reading must've been a mistake. Oh well.

I do not get it but whatever!! :]

Ok well I have very little time but I shal write a little please do not hate me for not writting in so long I was cought up in school(we have to do a lot more reading then we use to...and I mean A LOT! -_-' )



Chapter 4: The Surprise


Kittomi's POV:

I went outside with Hojo wondering what could possibly happen. It only took me a moment to realize that Hojo was behind me breathing heavily on my neck. "Hojo, what the hell are you doing?!?!" I yelled very annoyed. I jumped away as his hand started to slide up my back," Ah!"

"Kittomi do not be frightenned by me," He said in a voice soft.

He started walking closer. I tried backing away but all I could do was run into a wall. I closed my eyes not wanting to know what would happen. I started to feel his breath on my face but all I could do was stand there frightened. "Hojo?" I said very quietly wondering what he was doing. Next thing you know he was...


ok I very sorry I have to cut it real short cause hehe i got on a little late and if I don't start getting ready for school I will miss the bus!

OK sorry for triple posting again!!!!! I just wanted to let you know that I am going to update in a week or possibly less than that!!

Gabby, When it is your own Story it is ok to double/multi post. That is how we, your fellow fic writers, post all of our chapters/ episodes. ^^

You really only have to beware of multiposting when it isn't your topic/story, or (and this may be on rare occasions) you have been asked by the topic/story author/starter to keep the topic alive even if it does mean double, triple, or more posting.

But, as I have said in parenthesis, it may be on rare occurances that may happen.

As always your story updates are wonderful, Gabby. ^^ Please continue when you may, my friend. :victory: :excited: :kittylove:

THANK YOU FRIEND!! You are very kind I am going to continue my story soon so thank you very much for helping me!! :] thx

OK so I shall continue now but I must warn you I have not written in a very long time so it might be different...oh and it might be different because now when the person who is thinking will look like this: *How could this happen?!?!?!? I am soooo shocked why would he do this to me?*(a part from story) that is what will happen when the person is thinking...
ok here I go


Chapter 4: The surprise (continued)


Next thing I knew....

Kittomi's POV:

Next thing I knew was that his hands were being wrapped around my waist. I tried making him let go, but it did nothing. I stopped struggling when I knew I could do no more. I winced when he tightened his grip. I opened my moth because of the pain. Soon I could feel his tong in my mouth. Then he was trying to put his hands up my shirt, but I would not let him go that far. Again I tried to struggle and get free but all that did was make him bite my tongue and make it bleed. I started to cry because of the pain. He took his tongue out of my mouth and was about to speak when I head butted him. Yet again I did nothing... He put his hands on my stomach and I could feel them going up. I spoke very quietly because of my pain," Hojo...you know that doing this is not a very good time."

He looked at me shocked because of what I said. "Now why is that?" he asked in an equally voice to mine.

"It is because we are at school and the teacher might come out at any moment and find you doing this," I pause for a brief moment then continued,"That means you should not do this," I smirked at the look on his face.

"I really don't care," He paused just like I did then continued,"I know that the teacher will come and that is why I am taking you home soon."

He did not speak after that he just stared at me and I stared back. *How could this happen?!?!?!? I am so shocked why would he do this to me?* He unwrapped his hands from around my waste...all I knew is that something bad was definitely about to happen. All of a sudden Hojo took out a gun and put it to my spine and spoke softly,"If you do not come calmly with me to my house I will kill you."

I was shocked by what he said. Yet I did not move. After about two minutes of standing around he pushed the gun hard on my back meaning for me to move forward. We started down the hallway almost to the doors.


(half way to house)


It seemed as if we were taking forever!! *This sucks!! I really hate Hojo now! The only problem I have is the gun...other than that I am fine...* We were almost to his house now. I began to speak when he turned me around and started to make out with me. *Gross!! Not again! My tongue still hurts from when he bit me* Hojo stopped after one minute, then started to walk again. All of a sudden we were walking up to his house. I shivered. "Hojo," I said quietly," Why are you doing this to me?"

Hojo did not reply. We were now walking into a room with a king size bed. I froze in fright. Hojo looked at me then shoved me to the ground," If you leave this room I will make sure to kill you within an instant."

*He said that in an evil tone!! AH! I would rather die then be here!!!* He started to leave the room when he said," When I come back I expect you to be naked and in the bed, and if not...I will kill you. If you do I will spare your life."

He walked out not even turning around to make sure I wasn't about to leave. I was staring at the same spot Hojo had been. I couldn't move. *Oh no! What is going to happen to me!!* I started to cry again. When Hojo came back seeing me in the same spot I was he came over to me and started to pull down my dress. I still could not move because of the shock. All I could do was stare at him while he took my clothes off for me. Soon my clothes were off and I was in the bed while Hojo was stripping.

Ok that was chapter 4!! Sorry the chapters are soooo short... Chapter 5 will be coming soon (annnnd!! There is no lemon in any of the chapter...the lemon will be in a thing going to it so if you want you can read it)

Oh and one thing the spell checker did not have the wotd tounge or something and I am not sure how to spell it so if you could help me with that it would be great!!

Ok The update will be coming soon...

So I read the first chapter, and I glanced at the newer ones. You seem to be doing a lot better.

But remember, just because your teacher tells you something doens't mean it's always true. I mean, when I was in elementry, they taught us that Pluto was a planet. Now it's not. I don't go around telling everybody that the reason I have troubles with the solar system is because of my teacher.

Times change but that doens't mean that teachers do. You have to listen to the rest of the world too, not just a single person.