Yea, I decided to just post some of my poems in one thread then to spam the place with multi-threads xD


Poison Logic

It's the poison in the vile,
And the sweet tasting mace,
The curiously made assumptions,
So fragile; erase,

It's the delicately tightened chains,
And the shortened breath,
Ecstatic hearts beating--
At the manifesting wreath,

It's the sound of acid dripping,
And the blistering of skin,
The melodic metronome,
Is wearing thin,

It's the wings of solitude,
And the heart of regret,
Time plucks away feathers,
As the hours forget,

It's the final acceptance,
And the last stand,
Blood-shot mind crippling--
As it takes command.

*~*~*~*~*

I wrote this as a dedication to the greatest upcoming pianist, ever. It isn't new, I wrote it a few months back (maybe more?).

The Performer


Told from Kyle's point of view

Sweat drenching ebony keys,
As the pain subsides,
Crystal snowflakes weigh down-
On my now heavy lashes,

Many a faces glare up at me,
Standing ovation; my heart leaps,
Head held heavy, as I close my eyes,
Luminance shadows my canvas,

Impatient souls shout and scream,
Forcibly, I pull myself up,
Trembling legs; broken smile,
The irony of this bittersweet moment,

With not the breath to even speak,
My manifestation highlighting the Heavens,
Images of ebony notes form,
As crystal snow outlines strands of my hair,

A performance to be remembered,
I play not a single note-
Unless my heart and soul intertwine-
Within my blood and fingers,

Star adorn the sheets of midnight,
Heavens doorway faces me,
Naïve spectators; present only to be awed,
My music is my key,

“… It’s… happening… again…”
Collapsing breathless; another solid performance,
Onlookers shriek for help,
I lay content…

For the notes have guided my way…

=======

Long Live Kyle556

*~*~*~*~*

Scarlet

Sharp silver ecstasy,
Little pink tattoos,
Cherry red wonderland,
Sparkling gray infuse,

Enchanted storybook tales,
Beautifully flowing creek,
Of Scarlet! Of Scarlet!
Lest you be swayed to sleep,

Curiously gazing stare,
Upon the enlightening incision,
Naive little smile,
Another Scarlet decision,

Ignorant minds flourish,
Soar upon a star,
Twinkle, Twinkle; Scarlet flows,
A routine so bizarre,

Play a Scarlet melody,
No don't get addicted!
Broken nails claw,
At a death that was predicted,

Scarlet's in control!
The little puppets dance,
Cherry red wonderland,
Is under a sinful trance,

Little children frolic,
Gray skies form,
Sharp little ecstasy,
Humble minds torn,

Now my little ones; off to sleep,
Lest my storybook be read,
For the last time that book was opened,
Their twisted fates were dead.

You're very talented in writing poetry. For some reason Scarlet stood out to me alot. I really liked your peotry. Post more up soon! ^-^

Thanks :D

I will soon ^.^

My, my. I'm amazed; you rival with Kikyophobia. That's a huge thing here. Both of you are very descriptive, it's lovely :]

Yay! Competition! xD Lol.

My only problem here is the line breaks. They're so abrupt. It's all very choppy. You have really good ideas, but then you cut them off out of no where and start something new. I'd rather see you expand on your insight and imagery. Otherwise, it reads as a simple molding of pretty words.

Also, I must question your comma usage. It makes no grammatical sense. It's okay to use periods in the middle of the stanza. It really adds to the flow and rhythm of your pieces.

That's all I have to say! Very nice work! Loved it! ^^

Hmmm, the way I write my poetry follows basic standards of poetic form. But moreover, I write the way I feel fits the poem best. I prefer the well known form of using 4 lined stanzas and commas after every line. Professional poets (I use to hang around poetry forums) use it and praise using it. But as the saying goes, "To all their own."

What works good for one poet may see like crap to another. In the end, it's all about how the writer feels and how they wish to convey their message. Please don't take this offensively, I don't mean it like that at all.

One last thing though, if all writers wrote the same way and used the same form..... what originality would there be? The many different styles and forms make the poetry world so unique and make every poem literally the realm to the poet who wrote it. I read one of your poems and I really like it; I see what you mean about the style. But I would never duplicate it because that's copying and therefore the ending result isn't really my own.

Again, I meant nothing in an offensive way, and I apologize if you get that feeling from it :cryriver:

I don't think you're being OFFENSIVE. I think you're being DEFENSIVE. It's perfectly understandable. Because you're work is so good, you're probably not used to receiving criticism. But here is my problem:

You're right. You follow a BASIC format. What I was suggesting was that you take it somewhere new. Give it a new twist. You've got great work here, but your format does nothing to embellish the work, nor does it help convey your meaning. Instead, it almost seems to deteriorate it.

If you want to continue your format, you can. You're right. That's YOUR choice. I was merely SUGGESTING that you try something different because I want to HELP you. I really think your work could benefit from a different format. How you write is your choice, but if you're going for originality as you say, then I don't suggest this pattern. I think expansion could do you wonders.

I'm sorry if I offended you, but you're going to get criticism every once and a while, especially if you try to get anything published. If you want to discuss this further, we can do it via PM.

But I do want to end by saying that you've really done a wonderful job with these poems. I think they're great. I was just offering a few pointers. That's all.

Lol, okay I'll PM ya but tomorrow since I don't have time right now I gots to do things >.>