A/N: First things first:
I am making this up on the spot. The first chapter is being here. Oh, and if you want to BETA me, I really need someone to do it. Email me.
The next chapters I'll write at home.
Just because you vote for my OC to be paired with doesn't mean that she'll get him.
Now, enjoy!!

"Class, we have a new student." The teacher didn't even both introducing her, the new one just went to the back row and took out a math book. She started some problems.
"Who do you think she is?" Was the question mainly whispered, among others. Those included:
"Wow, she's HOT."
"Why does she have next grade's math book?"
"Do you think she'll be interested?"
"No, Keigo, I don't."
"Ichigo, don't be so mean! Five dollars says I take her out to dinner within the week!"
"You're on!"
Alyssa listened to them, half amused, half not caring. Her hair hung around her shoulders, curly and brown. Her blue eyes were downcast, on her work. She had the book because she was good, and the only reason she was in this classroom was because she couldn't take the tests at home. She smirked silently.
'Ichigo and Keigo, huh? I think when he asks, I'll accept just to irk Ichigo. I mean, look at that hair! And he's always frowning, he needs to be laughed at.' With that decided, she finished her page and turned it.
When she looked up again, most people were staring at her. She stared back, blankly. When she rose an eyebrow most people looked away. It interested her that only three boys were NOT staring at her. Usually at least a few acted uninterested.
She resumed her work.

At lunch she sat alone on the flat roof, not eating. She didn't bring lunch, but she was slight enough that a good breakfast lasted her until school was out. Alyssa noticed that something odd was up. Three of the boys who weren't looking in class, plus two more who were occasionally casting glances at her, were sitting together. Now, that wasn't too odd by itself, but she knew the school rules.
By stereotype the one with orange hair would either be a nerd or a bully. He was neither, in fact, he seemed popular. People who kicked the trend were usually one of the two, or an emo. And they kicked it by dying the hair BLACK, not bloody ORANGE!
And then there was this... Well, it took her a second to realize that he was not a girl. He wore glasses and a funny little bracelet, and his hair was pretty much blue-black. She knew he was a nerd. He probably knew he was a nerd. So why was he sitting with the guy who looked like either a bully or a nerd?
The third guy... No question about it, he was a guy. She estimated that he was 6 foot 5, with curly brown hair that hid his eyes. He looked strong and quiet. She guessed that he didn't talk much, by the way he sat with his shoulders hunched, looking at his food instead of at his... Friends? She guessed so.
She listened in. The one with orange hair was the previously mentioned "Ichigo." She didn't get the names of the other ones.

While walking home, she got a headache. Her brain felt like melting or exploding at the same time, or both. She stopped and rubbed her temples, then made the mistake of looking up.
She screamed.

THANK GOD. A PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT THE ENTER BUTTON DOES. Do you have any idea how many story I critque that DON'T have any spacing?

But seriously, there are things you could do better.

I know that this is the first chapter, but your OC is coming off as a Mary Sue. I suggest you show some faults in the next chapter or so to make sure you don't lose any readers.

Alyssa is an English name, which means she's most likely a foreigner. Most fan fic writers don't realize how, close-minded most of the Japanese are. The likelyness that a Japanese person would name their child something like Alyssa is super rare.

Also, make sure that you don't write just dialouge. Amazing as it sounds, it doesn't make a story. It sometimes helps a story go along, but it doesn't write the story.

The last paragraph sounds awkward... I don't know how you could change it though. Maybe you should just re-write it?

Also with your passage of time, try to make the transitions a little more flowing. They seem kind of jerky and raw right now.

Good job so far though. I do appricate your writing. Helps us authors get a little more respect around here!

Thank you! I was kinda afraid no-one would read it... *blush* Usually noone does.
Thanks for the criticism, my current beta is like my best friend and usually just says "OMFG SO AWESOME!!" It's hilarious, but doesn't do me any good. CRITICISM IS GOOD!!
Thankies again.

You also might want to make your chapters longer. It's a bit on the short side. Even though it looks long, it's only because of the amount of dialouge.

Sorry, I'm on an old account right now, it's still Ashita Genki Ni Naare.

A/N: Okay, I'll rewrite chapter one. Why? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT, DAMNIT!!

Alyssa looked around, bored. Thank God she had learned Japanese before coming, she could probably count the IQ of the people in the room just by staring at them and seeing how long they looked back blankly.
"Class, we have a new student." The teacher didn't bother to introduce her. She had made a deal: Alyssa wouldn't disrupt the class as long as she was obscured as much as possible. Alyssa was not a people-person.
She sat in the back row, in a corner. Her math book came out, and any hint that Alyssa was still there dissapeared as she delved into her favorite subject. It was no coincident that she was several grades ahead in that subject, just as she had just stopped short of failing science in her last school.
When she stopped doing problems for a moment, she listened to the class. And she had thought the <i>American</i> gossips were bad!
"She's really pretty!"
"She isn't interested."
"I'll bet you five dollars she's going out with me by the end of the week!"
"You're on. I hope you brought your wallet."
"You have no faith in me!"
"KEIGO ASANO." The teacher shouted. And a lecture followed.
Alyssa struggled not to laugh. The one who he had been betting with had orange hair and brown eyes, and looked bored. The one being lectured had brown hair and... Wow, most of the people in that class had brown eyes. A snub nose made him... Well, kinda cute, but he looked just plain scared as the teacher railed on about the importance of school and education, openly embarrassing him by referring to his grades.
'Wow, he sucks,' Alyssa thought as she listened.


A/N: I don't feel like doing the rest of this chapter right now. MOVIE TIME!! (Watch 'The Wall', it's kinda wierd but good.)

Much better this time.

On IJ though, <i> doesn't equal italics, you have type [ i ] without the spaces. It's like normal HTML, but only with []s instead of <>s.

With the part with your dialouge though, because you don't spefify at the beginning, the reader has to read to the end and then track back to see who said what. It's confusing and annoys most people. Try saying those type of things in the beginning instead of the end.