They say that our fates are twine together around our hearts…
But still some say that we were destining to be together….
But you and I know better than those stories….
You really didn’t care for me…..

My cries of agony the your sigh of pleasure
My feeling of pain was the feeling of desire for you
My suffering…..you said you cared but you didn’t really care
You didn’t really cared what would happen to me

You really only kept me to see my pain
I tried to make you love me but you have thrown away that feeling
I tried to comfort you but you only wanted to see me screaming in agony
I wanted you to kill me but you still wanted to keep me for some reason

You tried to kill me but that lingering feeling still remain
When you raise you sword to kill me you faltered.
Still I loved despite the fact that you had made me suffer….
Funny, isn’t it?

They say that our fates are twine together around our hearts…..
But still some say that we were destining to be together….
But you and I know better than those stories….
You really didn’t care for me…..

Often times, it's better to end a phrase in a stanza with a comma rather then an elipses. Like the first stanza, it just makes it feel slow to me, even melotone. And in the first stanza, it should be 'twined' and 'destined'.
and an elipses is only 3 periods long, which is why the periods are different sizes.
Pretty much, there's just a lot of grammatical errors. xD Just fix those and the poem, I think, will be fine.
I'm much more one for imagery and metaphors though, but it was alright nonetheless. ^^ Keep writing.

I like it! By the way, if anyone cares(though I doubt it) I have an RPG, so, if you want, come check it out please... :hehe: :med: :wave: :dogpile: :jump: :sweatdrop: I really like free verse poems!! :daydream: