Here are some facts about chuck norris

Chuck Norris eats diamonds for breakfast.

Stick and stones can break your bones but a glare from Chuck Norris will liquify your kidneys.

When the boggie man goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

The phrase "Dead Ringer" refers to a person in a movie theatre behind Chuck Norris who forgot to turn off his cell phone.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris is in Dallas.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...to bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris' sweat can dissolve cement.

When I was little, I swear, I use to watch his shows...

No, no. These are some Chuck Norris facts.

1. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth, then boils the water with his own rage.

2. There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.

3. Chuck Norris got into a knife fight, and the knife lost.

4. If in some paradoxacal way Chuck Norris fought himself, Chuck Norris would win. Period.

5. Chuck Norris has never had a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.

6. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.

I have like...50 of these on two posters in my bedroom, but these are the only ones I can recall off the top of my head.

here is another.

The atomic bomb is a myth. Chuch Norris just sneezed.

The Manhattan Project wasn't to create atomic weapons. It was meant to capture the destructiveness of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close.

Two words: Squirrely wrath :3

Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullet dodge Chuck Norris.

Once, Chuck Norris set his left testicle on fire. Now we have the sun.



>.< Those are the only two I know...

Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a McDonalds because his quarter-pounder was not a quarter-pound. All they could find was the M from someone's jacket...in the Artic Ocean.

Chuck Norris dosen't dodge bullets, he flicks them back in the gun.

XD ^_^

There are no steroids in baseball, only people Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German Fighter Plane with his finger by yelling "bang!".

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and only includes a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes, EVER.

They wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore...but the granate wasn't hard enough for his beard.

"Mommy? Why do we have clouds?"
"Well, dear, those are people Chuck Norris has done a round-house kick to."
"Then why are the clouds white?"
"Because... Those are their bones."


XD Wouldn't that be a great lie to tell your children?

Once, Chuck Norris visited Virgin Islands.
Nowadays, they're called "Islands".

OMFG That made me laugh outloud!

HAHAHAHAhAHA

Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can devide by zero.

Chuck Norris can raise the roof...with one hand.

Contrary to popular belief, there is enough Chuck Norris to go around.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up. He's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has dared to question his motives.

OMFG LOL!! *sends them to all my friends*

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

The only person who cried when Chuck Norris was born was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

In case of an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.

When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the Sun up.

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was his own father.

If Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick hits you it kills your un-born kin as well.

LAWL! My history teachers last name is Norris and he gets soo peeved when we call him Chuck Norris. It's friggin' hilarious!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take S H I T from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.


xDDDDDD These are hilarious!!

As the resident Chuck Norris fan here, I cant beleave that I did not see this page.
In any case.

-Chuck once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned

-Chuck can shoot down a plane by pointing at it and yelling BANG!

-Chuck Norris invented babies because he was tired of eating the same old thing

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. (LOL!!)

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight. (L-O-FREAKIN-L!!!)

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

---

I wonder how people come up with this stuff. xDDDD

1. The first rule of Chuck Norris is: You do not talk about Chuck Norris.

2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

3. Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day.

4. When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down till he gets the information he wants.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

7. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

8. Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

9. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

10. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of shear terror.

11. Lightning never strikes twice in the same place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

12. Chuck Norris is the only man who has literally beaten the odds. With his fists.

When superman crushes coal, he creates a diamond. when chuck crushes coal, he creates an african child to work in his diamond mine

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

wow.. you people must be very bored. XD

no, chuck is just awesome

I KNOW I AM!!!

But seriously, those things make me LOL. =DDDDD

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!?!

WE ALLOWED OUR CHUCK NORRIS THREAD TO GO TO THE SECOND PAGE, TO BE CLAIMED BY DUST AND OBSCURITY!

THE HORROR!! :faint: :faint: :faint:

Chuck Norris is actually making wear this shirt. --WWCND t-shirt

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

There is no theory of evolution, just creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.


Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.


(( AND, AN AIZEN SOUSUKE ONE))

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Aizen Sousuke.

YES! THAT WAS SO MADE OF WIN. THAT WAS THE -GREATEST- THREAD EVER. WELL, NOT EVER, BUT PRETTY DAMN CLOSE.

I HAD THAT ONE IN MY MSN NAME FOR -DAYS-

YAY FOR CAPSLOCK_BLEACH AND AIZEN SOUSUKE!!! NOT TO MENTION "LOL AIZEN'D"!!!!!!!

THAT ONE WAS EPIC MAN.

I DID THE ONE ABOUT THE BANCOUCH BEING -CREATED- AND THAT COUCHES IN GENERAL ARE AN ATTEMPT OF RE-CREATING THE BANCOUCH'S AMAZINGNESS.