Hello im kisses! :victory: I have been wondering if i should do a fanfiction or not so dicided yes! It took me so long cause i thought people might not like them. :worried: So here gos!

Summary: Kagome meets up with an old friends of hers from her childhood,when kagome meets them she is so suprised and happy to see them.Until they tell her a shocking secret that they've kept for so long.But before they could tell her therye secret kagome wants them to meet everyone including inuyasha and the gang. When they meet them inuyasha has the feeling for kogome's friend by just one look.What is this he's feeling. Could he be in love again?

[SIZE=7]Please tell me what you think!

Chapter One: Long Lost Friends


As kagome was waking up to the brightness of the sun she slowly got up from her bed, she smiled as she saw the two birds outside together. It reminded her of inuyasha for some reason. Kogome was steadily going downstairs for breakfast,''Good Morning!'',said kagomes mother.'She's alot more cheerful than usual.' thought kagome,'I wonder why.'
But while shr was destracted in her own thoughts she had nearly forgotten about the time.When she looked up at the clock hoping for some luck, it didnt come. She had only twenty-five minutes to get to school. 'There is no way im going to get there on time! I knew I should'nt have left my bike in the feudal era!'.Quickly as she could kagome got dressed and everthing else she did and hurried out the door.
'Bye mom!',yelled kagome as she left.'Good bye sweetie i'm sure you'll have a good day at school today!' Kagome stopped at the reply,'What is that saposed to mean?'.She shook the question out of her head as she rushed for school. When she got there the bell rang. Kagome ran as fast as she could until she was stopped by familuar voice,''Well,well,well.If it isnt Kagome the Shy.''


GTG tell me what you think see ya! :)

wow. Your story sounds AWESOME!!!!! I can't wait to see what happens! please update soon! :kittylove:

OMG thank you! I'll reply real soon! :cheer:

Um, I am a little confused on the summary, and I spot many errors in it and throughout the story itself -- those including spelling and grammar errors.

When you say "cept", I believe it should be "kept". Or it could be "accept(ed)" ... >>:

Kagome's name is spelled with an "a", not an "o" (unless it's a totally different person). All proper nouns, such as names and "I", -must- be capitalised. The quotations you are using are fine, seeing as though I normally use them to differ between dialect and other things -- plus, I've seen them be used as quotes in a novel. When you write, be sure to include spaces and hit the enter button for a new paragraph (since IF boards don't really like the tab button). When someone is speaking, they should get their own line... like...

"Bye mum!" yelled Kagome as she left for school, something in which she both dreaded and loved.

"Bye sweetie! Have a good day at school today!" her mother replied, waving as she watched her daughter flee in a hurry.

-OR-

"Bye mum!" yelled Kagome as she left for school, something in which she both dreaded and loved.
"Bye sweetie! Have a good day at school today!" her mother replied, waving as she watched her daughter flee in a hurry.

Now, that's my idea of it. "Yelled" and "Her" could be capitalised, however, I personally don't find that favourable since using "Her" like that could refer to "Mary, the Mother of God"; it's also like saying "He", which could refer to "Jesus, the Saviour" -- am not a worshiper, though. ^^;

Try to read over your work before you post and remember that commas and spell check are your friends. :D

On a side noteeee...

I don't really know what to say about the story as a whole, except that I am a bit confused and lost as a reader. I need more description and correct spelling and grammar. As a fellow author, I say it needs improvement and work. As both, I say: "Good start, though."

I'm kinda new at this so sorry if I make some spelling errors.Also sorry for stopping so suddenly.So heres your update!

Chapter One:Long Lost Friend (continued)

'Only one person has ever called me that.'Kagome thought. She turned completely around and screamed but it wasn't a scream of fear it was a scream of happiness and joy."Oh my gosh I cant believe it's you!",said kagome she ran up and hugged the figure."Nice to see you again to Kagome!","It's really you Shynia!It's really you!".Shynia had caremel skin and had legs to match.Her hair was in two long ponytails on the back of her head.Her hair was black like kagome's but hers had a shine to it.Instead of wearing a school uniform like kagome she had on a top that had sleeves but cut off three inches before it reached her chest,she had on jeans that were ripped at the knee.She had on high heel shoes which made her taller than kagome,she had on a necklace that hade a sun and a cresent moon on it and inside the sun was a dark blue gem that looked like an emerald.

"Suprise! I'm going to school here now!",said Shynia'."But how did you...",kagome trailed off relizing were she was sapposed to be right now."Oh man i'm gonna be late for class!",yelled kagome."I have science first period.What do you have?",said shynia."I have the same thing.I'll take you there.""Then let's get going already!I dont wanna make a bad impression on the first day!",said shynia. They ran to class with kagome in the lead giuding them while shynia follows.When they reached the classroom and went inside all eyes turned to them."Well, Ms. Higuarashi your late,[/I]again."said Mrs. Renon in a very harsh, stern voice.
"Sorry mrs.renon I"was showing the new student around",kagome said trying her best not to get in trouble."Aw yes Ms.Love welcome to Tokyo High""Thank you"said shynia. Mrs.Renon examines shynia from top to bottom and from the look on her face she was not pleased at shynia's appearance."I'll let you know that kind of clothing is not valid here.Tommorow I expect for you to have on a uniform like everyone else.""Yes mam.",said kagome."Now both of you take take your seats."Both of them ran to a desk.Shynia got in a seat on the right side of kagome.They both looked at eachother and smiled.

While mrs.renon was talking shynia knew that all the guys were staring at her. Well, really her chest. Shynia caught one of them staring at her and she turned around and gave him a stare that said"I'm gonna kill you if you don't look away.",and that's exactly what he did.Shynia turned back around but was still getting annoyed at the numurous guys staring at her.'Oh no,'thought kagome with a worried expression on her face'This is gonna be a long day.'



See ya later! :angel: :cheerleader:

I LOVE IT!!!! :glomp:

Only one speaker per paragraph.
And when trying to use colour or something add
[/color]
For size, [/size]
And so on.

OMG!!!!I'm so sorry!!Im such an idiot!! :cryriver: :cryriver: :cryriver: I forgot to bring my laptop with me befor I left for gorgia to stay with my sister!!(Shes rich yet she dosnt wanna buy a computer for some strange twisted reason.)I'll be sure to update soon!And my writing will improved because school starts again on monday!(Even though I HATE school.)Anyway bye!!
Also Im sorry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cryriver: :cryriver: :cryriver:

Actually Chi, to be professional, you would want to keep them lowercased, and the period (if there is one) in the quotations should be a comma.

So in this sense, the writer is correct when they don't captialize the first word. If you look in published books, this is also the case.

Common Writing Mistakes

But everything besides that is correct. Yea, Kisses, if you fix those errors, your story will be a million times better.

While I was reading this, I found myself to be getting extremely confused about which person was speaking.

There can only be one person speaking per paragraph. Having more then one person speaking in a paragraph is incorrect. I know a lot of college professors who would automatically fail a person just over that mistake; so yes, it is important to acknowledge that you can only have one person speaking per paragraph.

You also need to really use Microsoft Word. It's an easy and good program to use; especially when checking for spelling mistakes. I noticed a few spelling mistakes in this story.

I honestly don't care if this story has a good idea or not; you really need to fix up your grammar. Whether or not this is fanfiction is irrelevant. Just pretend that you're writing this to be published in a newspaper; so that the whole world can see your writing.

... Ah. I suppose I didn't make that clear enough. Gomen.

When you're writing, it's best to make certain things capital and certain things lower-cased. Such as continuing off of "words". Example:

"You're the worst!" screamed some random girl in a crowded city street. I wasn't quite sure who her words were meant for, but juding by... I singled out a shallow, upset-looking man... that man, right there, I assumed it was him.

As for a , after the quotes, I believe that's improper. But, then again, I could be wrong.

Some authors, however, write capitalised after their quotations, but it's improper. An exception would be talking about "God" or "Jesus" or a name. Examples:

"Hey, what time is it?" Mai asked, her eyes wide. I wasn't quite sure if she was in a hurry, late for something, or early for a tele-show.

And so, "You defy me," He said to his People. "Be punished." <--- made up, not from the Bible -Athiest/not caring-

With the quote above, the "Be" in "Be punished." could easily be changed, or it could remain the same. I've read in some text-books at school and in some novels where the second line is beginning with a capitalised letter. As for it being right or not, it's most likely a fifty-fifty.

As for the way of your quotations, they are fine seeing as though the author (lacking memory of name at the moment) of "Faerie Wars" (probably spelled it wrong) uses them as the normal " ".

Each author has their own way of writing, but in your case, your "style" need work.

It has a good plot. The idea, itself, does seem a tad commonstream, but that's just me. I believe you have the right to make it whatever you want it to be, and it has a good start. ^_^

Update soon, please.

Yo,Its me again. >_> Yeah I know this fic sucks and some of yah have been sayin it.But that will not happen often because i'm taking classes and the story is probaly gonna take a month or two ta finish.So yah probaly wont have to worry about that any more.

jeez they want to help you is all.