i made one of these a long time ago, but im too lazy to go back and find the old topic, so im just making a new one :scaryangry:

a poem i wrote at the beginning of this month, but wasnt completely satisfied to post up until now.

“Letting Go”

Whenever I see your smile, your laugh
All these memories come back to me.
Bittersweet, painful, pleasuring memories,
That seem to bring me to a world of my own.
No, a world of OUR own.

I see your hazel eyes sparkle again, like they used to
But this time, it’s in the presence of another girl: not me.
A pang echoes through my heart as I watch your eyes.
The same eyes that made my heart flutter every time.

What used to bring me smiles, now brings me grief.
The thoughts of how you won me over
With that smile you’re giving to another girl.
The echoing thoughts inside my head
“I wasn’t good enough.”

I can’t look at you, without breaking down inside
A part of my soul that you made will always cry.
There’s too much pain attacked to you,
But I’m sure that somehow, I’ll make it through:
By letting go of all the memories we’ve shared
Together.

Goodbye.

===.===.===.===

A/N: this is more of a personal poem, so these lines just kind of flowed right out of me during one of those nights where i was either a.) very upset or b.) feeling very angsty. rate (1 out of 10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best) and review me please! my fictionpress writer instincts are starting to come into play again...

EDIT i don't like flames, but if you feel the need to flame, go ahead. I just won't be paying any attention to them, so don't flame just for attention, because I won't be giving you any. Critiscism (sp?) is better, if you think that I could improve on something (i personally think this poem isnt all that great, but i just felt like posting it up)

i think it's sweet..... i mean....it's sad, but i like it, also i think you made a typo "not brings me grief" i think you ment now? anyways yeah, if not then sorry, that just sounded weird, other than that it was good. very nice, 10/10 for me, cause i can relate to it

yeah, its now. thanks, its a typo

this is a nice poem indeed. It has a mix of sweetness and sadness, it's actually pretty good.
my rating of this poem: 10/10

i found this poem on createblog by an author names LidoxAngie. her poems are pretty good

screams, shouts, yells, cries,
gasps, cuts, surrending sighs .
fake smiles, mourning eyes,
never stops, unending lies .

rumours spread, like butter on toast,
but one thing's forsure, i hate you most .
sure, hate is strong,
but this aint wrong .

if i could, i'd break your bones,
why cant you all just leave me alone .
beat me, hit me, use and abuse me,
all this attention makes me see clearly .

you're not who i thought you were,
things like this happens in such a blur .
untold secrets and flaming betrayals,
this is when our friendship fails .

you thought that you could bring me down ?
turn my bright smile into a frown ?
tear me apart, piece by piece ?
but you dont hurt me, not the least .

i'm stronger than you think,
i'm a harder ship to sink .
i'll forgive, but never forget,
i wont stop, till the score is set .

i'll paste a smile on my face,
but inside, i'm thinkin` of what took place .
i'll get you back, this i swear ,
and my pain, we'll all share .

-lidoxangie

(please rate and review my past poem "Letting Go" if you haven't already please!)

Since you asked me to come here, I did. Anyway, I'll give a critique.

I didn't like this poem very much since the flow seemed to be sort of disjointed. The lines in each stanza didn't flow into each other like a poem should but read similar to an entry to a diary. To fix this, you could try to take out a few words in the stanzas and rephrase it in a way where it might have a poetic meter to it.

Although it was pretty descriptive in certain parts, others did not have it the same way. Instead of telling the reader, why not show the reader with descriptive words? Anyway, this poem wasn't bad, but could still use improvement. I think it would be best to work on the imagery you already had there. And for some strange reason, adding personification to the poem might help.

Well usually I don't give good critiques on poems that have angst in it cause angst poetry is becoming way too common nowadays. ^_^;; I don't give ratings for poems so, no rating.

alright, ill see if i can change it

i didnt think it flowed too well either, but af ter reading it a million times, it starts flowing by itself

I liked you poem. (The one you found however was quite good) I personaly see want augi means so I have to agree but I have to say it does flow better.