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JOEY [KENNY]Are you the unmitigated jackass who has the DNC choking off funding for the O’Dwyer campaign in the California forty-sixth? JOSH [bleary] What is God’s name is happening right now? JOEY [KENNY] I’m Joey Lucas. JOSH [to Kenny] You’re Joey Lucas? JOEY [KENNY] No, I’m Joey Lucas. JOSH Help me, ‘cause I... I don’t... JOEY [yells] You idiot. I’m. Joey. Lucas. JOSH Ah. [pause] Ah, okay. I’m Josh Lyman. JOEY [KENNY] I know who you are. JOSH You’re Joey Lucas. JOEY [KENNY] What were you expecting? JOSH A man. JOEY [KENNY] I’m a woman. JOSH You’re O’Dwyer’s campaign manager? JOEY [KENNY] Yes, and I have three sources, two at the DNC... JOEY What the hell are you wearing? JOSH Me? JOEY Yes. JOSH[looks down at himself] I was... I uh... I... I spilt some things on my clothes. Tell you what, let’s... let’s just take a deep breath for a second while I try and remember, you know, where I am right now. Josh walks around the desk, obviously to within smelling distance of Joey, who covers her nose. JOEY [KENNY]Are you drunk? JOSHI have a very delicate system |
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C.J., look... C.J.Don’t start with me, Mr. President. BARTLET I was helping pass the time. I was being entertaining as well as instructive. C.J. I’m back in America now, I have rights. I’m no longer belted down next to the passenger from hell. LEO [walks up] Welcome back, Mr. President. BARTLET Leo! What’re you doing here? LEO I needed a minute, sir. How was the flight? C.J.It was -- BARTLET Great! C.J.-- gruesome. “If you’ll look out the left side of the cabin, you’ll see the fjords.” Then we got a history of the fjords. Then we got a quiz on the fjords. [to Bartlet] Do you have any idea how much I would like to dress you up inlederhosen and drop kick you into the fjords right now? BARTLET Aww. You don’t know how to have fun when we’re traveling... |
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BARTLET C.J., on your tombstone, it’s gonna read, “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.” C.J. Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone. |
| QUOTE (ama @ Feb 4 2005, 05:24 PM) | ||
yeah, just cos of the dialogue between CJ and the President
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| QUOTE (dancrawford @ Dec 24 2004, 01:05 PM) |
| Love the Josh/Joey dialogue in that episode. Had me in hysterics the first time I saw it and still makes me chuckle now. |
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| CUT TO: INT. COMMUNICATION OFFICE - DAY C.J. and Ainsley pass in the doorway... C.J. How you doing, Ainsley? AINSLEY [readily] Well, my mouth is dry, my hands are moist and I have to pee. C.J. Okay... . C.J. exits. Ainsley turns to see Sam. SAM Hey, you ready? AINSLEY Yes. [straightens her jacket] SAM You sure? They head down the hall. AINSLEY Yes. SAM Let's go. AINSLEY Call it off. SAM [enthusiastically] Here we go!! AINSLEY No, really. SAM Ainsley? AINSLEY I'll meet him another time. SAM What other time? AINSLEY A better time. SAM What's a better time? AINSLEY Tomorrow. SAM Don't you have to absolve yourself of the humiliation visited upon your family and the House of Atrix? AINSLEY Yes, but I believe I'm going to compound the humiliation. They walk into MARGARET'S OFFICE AREA. Leo stands by Margaret's desk reading a file. SAM It'll never happen. AINSLEY Really? SAM No, probably will. LEO [to Sam] Hey. They head towards LEO'S OFFICE. SAM Is he coming? LEO He's stopping in on his way from the... thing. He stands behind his desk. Ainsley stands looking at her feet. There is an awkward silence as they wait. LEO How you doing, Ainsley? AINSLEY I'm concerned about peeing on your carpet. LEO Okay. Well... now I am, too. SAM Tell her it's going to be fine. LEO Your skirt's on backwards. AINSLEY May I use the bathroom? LEO Yes. AINSLEY Thank you. Ainsley turns and walks into the closet. LEO Ainsley... BARTLET [enters] Hey. SAM Good evening, Mr. President. BARTLET Is she here? SAM Ainsley Hayes? BARTLET Yeah. SAM Yes, sir. BARTLET Where is she? SAM Well, she's in the closet, Mr. President. Bartlet turns and looks at the closet. BARTLET Why? SAM She thought it was a bathroom. Bartlet looks at the closet again. BARTLET Why is she still in there? SAM That's kind of hard to say, sir. BARTLET Why don't we get her out here? SAM Yeah. [approaches the closet] Ainsley? AINSLEY [VO] Yes? BARTLET Ainsley, why don't come on out of there... Ainsley steps out of the closet looking very embarrassed. BARTLET How you doing? We met last night. [shaking her hand] You were singing and dancing in a bathrobe. AINSLEY Yes, sir. BARTLET Why were you in the closet? AINSLEY I had to pee. BARTLET They won't let me smoke inside but you can pee in Leo's closet. AINSLEY [embarrassed] Mr. President... I... Leo answers the phone. BARTLET I appreciate you coming to work for me, Ainsley. You're an exceptionally bright young woman. Is your father proud of you? AINSLEY [pauses and smiles] Yes, sir. BARTLET I bet he is. [pats her arm] Listen... LEO [interrupting] Mr. President... [nods to him] Sam... Sam escorts Ainsley out. Leo and Bartlet exit to THE OVAL OFFICE. The Suits and Uniforms from the Situation Room are gathered. Included are the Jack, Mickey and Charlie. |
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BARTLET C.J., on your tombstone, it’s gonna read, “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.” C.J. Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone. BARTLET Twenty-seven lawyers in the room, anybody know “post hoc, ergo propter hoc?” Josh? JOSH Uh, uh, post, after, after hoc, ergo, therefore, after hoc, therefore, something else hoc. BARTLET Thank you. Next? JOSH Uh, if I’d gotten more credit on the 443... BARTLET Leo? LEO After it, therefore because of it. [Josh, a little weirded out, looks] BARTLET After it, therefore because of it. It means one thing follows the other, therefore it was caused by the other, but it’s not always true. In fact, it’s hardly ever true. We did not lose Texas because of the hat joke. Do you know when we lost Texas? C.J. When you learned to speak Latin? BARTLET Go figure. |