Author's note: I know Rach' started this in the middle of act 2, but since that was over a year ago and is yet to be completed, I can't help but do it. 'Cause I think it's a great idea, that's why. Mozzletoff.

Characters:
Marx: Romeo
Lani: Juliet
Alan: Benvolio
Jake: Balthasar and Friar Laurence
Matt: Tybalt
Fab: Sampson
Li'l Fab: Gregory
Archer: Abraham
Jim: Paris
Kye: Capulet
Quaracen: Montague
Chris: Stage manager and several minor rolls.
Rach: To be revealed
...More to come....

Act 1, Scene 1, screw the prologue

Lani enters, looking angry and dressed in a poorly made elf costume.

Lani: *clears throat* If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is men... Are you sure this is the right play?

Matt: Yeah, of course it is. Would we give you the wrong script?

Lani: Well... Fine, but it doesn't sound like Romeo and Juliet.

Matt: No, no it is.

Lani: It sounds more like... Wait a minute, Puck wasn't in R&J!

Matt: Sure he was!

Lani: You have no clue, do you?

Matt: Uh... obviously I do.

Lani: Well obviously you don't or you'd've given me the right script.

Matt: I know...

Lani: Absolutely nothing?

Matt: Zing.

Lani: Ka pow.

Matt: Anyway, that's the script we have, so get on with it.

Lani: No.

Matt: What? Like you could do it better.

Lani: *Rips off elf ears and stomps on them* Yeah, I could!

Matt: Fine then.

Lani: Fine, so where do we start...

William Shakespear (from the corner): Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona 'tis where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

Lani and Matt stare at Shakespear wordlessly.

Matt: Did you let him in?

Lani: No, he must be a hobo or something.

Matt: Okay, I'll have Fab throw him out when he gets here. Anyway, back to the play.

Shakespear: But tis I, forseuth. Thy author fair who didst write the play which thee, two such noble...

Matt: What language is that?

Lani: I think he's a foreign exchange member.

Matt: We're an international organization.

Lani: Then obviously there'll be foreign exchange.

Shakespear: Oh get on with it.

Matt: As you like it.

Lani: Alright, so there's a big fight and thumb biting and...

Matt: Superboy?

Lani: ...No.

Matt: Crap. Then what?

Shakespear: We need unimportant character actors.

Enter Fab and Fabricio of the house of Capulet, armed with swords.

Fab: Dude. I'm sick of carrying coals.

Li'l Fab: Shut up.

Fab: Why?

Li'l Fab: 'Cause it's not important to the story.

Fab: There's a story?

Li'l Fab: Shut up. Look over there! It's a dog of the house of Montague!

Fab: Looks like that Archer dude to me...

Li'l Fab: I'm just reading my script bro.

Fab: There's a script?

Archer: Hey... Dog? Are you *glances at script* Biting your thumb at me?

Fab: Does it look like my thumb's in my mouth.

Li'l Fab: It's an insult.

Fab: You son of a mother! Bite your thumb at this! *flips off Archer*

Li'l Fab: That's not what I meant...

Archer: *pulls out a light saber* Draw if you be men, sir! Remember thy swashing blow!

Li'l Fab: *pulls out own sword, wondering where Archer got the saber* That's my line you fag!

Archer, Fab and Li'l Fab fight as Jake stands off in the corner, forgetting that he is supposed to play Balthasar.

Archer: Do I get to say "Luke I am your fa..."

Li'l Fab: *Stabbing Archer in the stomach* Filho da puta!

Archer: *falls back* Ow! Abraham isn't supposed to die.

Li'l Fab: Tough.

Alan: Part fools! Put up your swords, you know not what you do... and I'll shoot you in the back of the head if you kill anyone else.

Li'l Fab: Slap me some skin, bro! Benvolio, right?

Alan: Idiot.

Matt: *runs up in Tybalt costume* Uh... What drawn and talk of peace?"

Alan: What?

Matt: What drawn and talk of... ah screw it. Why are you talking about keeping the peace?

Alan: I haven't said that line yet.

Matt: Oh, crap. Right...

Alan: I am here but to keep the peace.

Matt: Peace! I hate the word as much as I hate hell and all Montagues!

Alan: I'm a Montague.

Matt: Oh... Well then, die!

Alan: That's not your line.

Matt: *Pulls out sword* Bastich.

Alan: You're supposed to say "Have at thee cowar- UNH! *falls back as Matt attacks*

Kye, dressed as Capulet, runs up just as Quaracen, dressed as Montague, arrives.

Quaracen: You villain, Capulet!

Kye: I hate you!

Quaracen: That's all you've got?

Kye: Don't make me come over there and show you what I've got.

Matt: *Pauses in battle* Hey, that sounds kinky.

Alan: Scum! *attacks Matt again*

Enter Marx in all black Romeo costume.

Marx: Yo beeeeeeotches. Da pimp daddy is in da house!

Alan: I'll pay that doctrine or die in debt!

Everyone stares as the curtain falls.

Act 1, Scenes 2-5. Screw old english..

Alan, Matt and Marx show up at a party at Kye's crib and start to blend into the party scene while Jim sits in the corner complaining to Fab.

Jim: Dude. This sucks.

Fab: What, the party?

Jim: What, you don't like the party?

Fab: Well, it's okay for a good excuse to get three scenes one, but there's no alchohol, no drugs, no strippers, no fifteen year old prostitutes....

Jim: What was that?

Fab: Strippers.

Jim: Oh, right.

Fab: So anyway, what's hangin' lad?

Jim: It sucks.

Fab: I know.

Jim: No. I mean it sucks 'cause... Lani doesn't seem to love me.

Fab: Well why would she. Romeo's gonna come in here and take her away from you you stinking little...

Chris: *Runs up wearing stage manager nametags* You can't do that!

Fab: Do what?

Chris: Tell them what's going to happen before it happens!

Fab: Well they should know, they've got the freaking script.

Chris: That isn't the point!

Fab: There's a point?

Chris pulls out a taser and electrocutes Fab, then sits down in his place.

Chris: Uh...

Jim: Who are you?

Chris: I'm your servant.

Jim: Sweet. Get me coffee.

Chris: No, you don't understand...

Jim: I think you don't understand. You're my servant, so you'll get me coffee when I ask for it!

Chris: *trying not to reach for taser* Listen, let me make this short. Kye... er... Capulet threw this party so you can meet La... Juliet... and all that.

Jim: So I'm not getting any coffee?

Chris: I hate this job.

Across the room, at the bar...

Marx: *aproaching Lani* Hey babe. How's it going?

Lani: Aren't you supposed to be talking to Matt about me and not making a move?

Marx: Right... Hey Matt!

Lani: Not in front of me.

Marx: Can't we just improvise?

Lani: No.

Marx: Why not?

Lani: 'Cause we can't...

Marx: But I'm the god of Cram.

Lani: Well I'm the ruler of this play.

William Shakespear: Wretched wench. Plagerer! Fowl citizen! Froth and scum be upon your lying...

Matt walks up, stabbing Shakespear in the stomach as he goes.

Matt: I'm trying to score with some hot Capulets, this better be importa... Whoa, she's... Is that a wonderbra? 15th century so wouldn't have wonderbras...

Lani: As soon as we're out of character, I'm so kicking your...

Marx: Tybalt! My friend.

Matt: I'm a Capulet.

Matt and Marx stare at each other.

Marx: So I shouldn't be telling you that I have a crush on Juliet?

Matt: Pro'lly not.

Marx: But I thought...

Matt: You were thinking of Mercutio.

Marx: Who plays Mercutio?

Matt: I don't... think we have a Mercutio.

Marx: You forgot to cast Mercutio!

Matt: Hey! I'm not perfect!

Lani: You morons!

Matt: Right... I'm gonna be going now. *Runs away.*

Marx: *looks at Lani* What's next?

Lani: You kiss me and my mom calls and I run off.

Marx: Sweet. Sounds good to me. *puts arms around Lani and leans in.*

Lani: *shoves Marx away* We'll improvise.

Marx: I thought you said...

Matt: *returning followed by Kye and Jim* Ay, tis that villain Romeo!

Kye: It's not actually time to say that yet.

Matt: ...Let's chase him off.

Jim: Sounds good.

Jim, Matt and Kye chase Marx off stage.

Lani: *stares at horribly mutilated scenes* I hate you all!

Curtain falls.

(LOL. Ohhhhhh. I like it. And yeah, started revising in the play in the middle and never finished it........To be honest, is was for a homework assignment and I kinda forgot about it. Love it and cant wait for more!!!)

MWAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAAA!!
Awesome Jello!!

Act... ya know what? Screw titles.

Marx, Rachael and Alan enter.

Alan: So, why exactly are we here again?

Marx: Because you're Benvolio and... uh... Who are you again, Rach?

Rach: Mercutio.

Marx: Isn't that supposed to be a guy?

Rach: One word and I'll...

Alan: *Flipping through script* Isn't this supposed to be the balcony scene?

Marx: Yeah.

Alan: Then, uh... why are we here?

Marx: To see Juliet.

Alan: No, I mean...

Marx: We just left the party at her house, I found out I had a huge crush on her, now I'm standing outside of her window watching her like some creepy stalker.

Alan: I know, but, what I mean is, you two are the only ones in this scene.

Marx: Oh...

Alan: Yeah, so, I mean, what do we do?

Marx: Leave I guess. Desert me.

Rach: Can I not get a minute to introduce my character?

Marx: You have a character?

Rach: *Glares* Yes.

Marx: Who?

Rach: Mercutio.

Marx: Oh, yeah, right, you're playing the guy... doesn't he die?

Alan: I think so.

Rach: I am Mercutio!

Marx: Didn't you just say that?

Rach: I'm introducing my character.

Marx: Go ahead.

Rach: *Stands perplexed* No, no... I mean I just did...

Marx: What you just did was yell at me, now introduce your character and leave.

Rach: I... Forget it. I am Mercutio.

Marx: *Laughs* He was a guy.

Rach: *Throws script in the air and leaves* Moron.

Alan: Well that's not supposed to be in the script.

Marx: It wasn't.

Alan: We can't add to the script!

Marx: Artistic license.

Alan: But...

Marx: You're still here.

Alan: But we can't add to the scri- uhn.

Matt: *Walks on, stabs Alan in the leg and drags him off leaving a streak of blood on the floor* I'll get the janitor.

Marx: Right... So what's my line here?

Lani: *Walking up carrying ladder* But soft...

Marx: Oh, right. Hey you need help with that ladder?

Lani: No.

Marx: Isn't it supposed to be a balcony?

Lani: Yeah, but we're low budget.

Marx: Oh... Right... Well then. Where was I? Yeah. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

Lani: Hold on. *Climbs up wobbley ladder*

Marx: Can't we skip ahead?

Lani: No.

Marx: I don't feel like checking my script.

Lani: Fine! *Rolls eyes.*

Marx: Right, so...

Lani: Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefor art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn mv love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."

Marx: Right. So... Uh... I didn't understand all of that, but you basically just called me, right?

Lani: No, it was whistful thinking. You just overhear me and come out of the shadows. I warn you that you could be killed...

Marx: That would come in handy.

Lani: You don't listen...

Marx: And I die?

Lani: Not yet.

Marx: Oh. So now what?

Lani: Do you not know the story?

Marx: I do, but I don't know the lines, can I just modernize it?

Lani: Whatever. We've screwed it up so much already...

Marx: Cool. Okay. Juliet! I've come here 'cause I wanted to see your hot bod' and pretty face. I don't care if I die, I've just got to be near you.

Lani: You have to leave!

Marx: You mean I'm risking my life for you and I don't get any action?

Lani: We can't do anything 'till we're married!

Marx: Stupid middle ages... Okay. So... A kiss goodbye?

Lani: I can blow one.

Marx: Whoa.

Lani: A kiss.

Marx: Right. That's what I meant. So... No action at all?

Lani: Nope. Not 'till we're married.

Marx: Okay... Want to get married?

Lani: When?

Marx: Tomorrow.

Lani: Sure.

Marx: Awesome.

Lani: Okay. That's all. Next scene.

Marx: Right... Uh... Parting is such sweet sorrow. Gotta run babe. Later. *Dashes off, tipping ladder over with Lani still on it.*

Lani: I hate you so much!

*Curtain falls*