W00t. My latest rant! Have fun reading!


...Right. ...Yeah. I was showing deadborder/Rick my rant on Jurassic Park III: http://www.livejournal.com/users/koobine/20853.html

While I was showing this rant to him, I also made a number of suggestions on how to possibly save the franchise/make a better movie then Jurassic Park III.



#1: BRING BACK T-REX! He was the star of the first two movies, and he's the world's most famous dinosaur. And he's got buckets more personality going for him then that ugly ol' fish eating stork-on-steroids. And he looks cooler too. Don't replace T-Rex with some obscure creature that only dinosaur fanatics and small children would know about. Use the dinosaur we all know and recognise. Tyrannosaurus Rex = "Tyrant Lizard King". Waaayyy cooler then Spinosaurus Aegypticus: "Spined Lizard from Egypt." You can't just *replace* T-Rex! Doing that would be like taking the great white shark out of "Jaws" and replacing it with a Hammerhead or something. It just ain't right!

#2: Lay off the "UMG R4pt0rz 4r3 t3h sm4rt!!!11" thing. We got the idea in the first movie. They don't need to ram it down our throats. Raptors are smart. WHO CARES? We just want to see them kill stuff. The more gorily they kill things, the better. I know children form the bulk of the audiences for these movies, but I'm sick of raptors killing people off-screen! I wanna see people getting gutted, decapitated, and messily devoured, ALIVE AND SCREAMING, in plain sight.

#3: Show the herbivores some lurve. Have a Triceratops go on a big rampage and gore/impale things. Show the Ankylosaurus in action, whipping about that big nasty tail club! Show how terrifying a pissed off Apatosaurus can be and have it stomp ****! Cool as theropods are, I'd like to see some herbivores kick some ***.

#4: They need to have a T-Rex battle a Triceratops! That's, like... classic rivalry! WHY haven't they had a T-Rex/Triceratops fight!? They show 'em fighting in books all the time! We need to see this fight immortalized in glorious, state of the art CGI and animatronics. And make it longer then the T-Rex Spino battle, (which only lasted about 30 seconds,) and leave it up until the climax. Have the T-Rex and Triceratops level a bunch of old-rotting buildings in the process. It'd be stupid, but really damn cool to watch.

#5: Yes, a climax. One of those would be good. JPIII Had no climax to speak of. They ran out of cool stuff to do before they reached the end of the movie. The T-Rex Spino fight would've made a GREAT climax, rather then some lame Deus-Ex-Machina plot device to show how UMG SCARY the Spinosaurus is. The Rex and Spino should've battled, and our good o' buddy T-Rex, star of the first two movies, should've killed the Spinosaurus while the humans escape. It would've also envoked some great nostalgia from the first movie, where the T-Rex saved everybody by taking out the raptors. JP T-Rex is like Godzilla: Big, bad and scary, but likeable at the same time. But, no. All we got was Sam Niel playing a flute to shoo away some raptors. YAWN.

#6: Show more pterosaurs. The Pteranodons were the one thing JPIII got right. They wanted to have 'em in the first two movies, but kept forgetting to put them in... JPIII needs more Pterosaurs. But forget the wimpy-arse Pteranodons. Quetzalcoatlas would be be cooler, what with it having a Wingspan as wide as a T-Rex is long...

#7: Decide beforehand if this'll be a thinky-do-not-play-god-message-movie, or a big, loud, brainless action movie. JPIII tried to do both, and it sucked. The "Man mustn't play god" angle's been done to death. Nobody cares about that anymore, we just want CGI dinosaurs. Stop preachin' and show me a T-Rex chasing people.

#8: Good characters. The first Jurassic Park movie had an excellent cast of characters. The second one had decent characters. Third one, to put it bluntly, had two sets of card-board cut-outs: Those who were destined to be eaten, and those destined to escape. I could tell from a mile away who was going to be dino chow and who was going to live. This ain't some made-for-TV-monster-movie. Throw us for a loop! Kill someone we don't expect to die!

#9: NO MORE UBER KIDS. They've become something of a Jurassic Park staple. They throw a kid in the movie for no other reason then to have someone for the kids in the audience to relate to. While I'm tolerant of "Kennies" in Godzilla movies, they seem out-of-place in a more logical sort of place like the Jurassic Park series. The kids don't care if there's a kid in the movie! Kids care more about the dinosaurs then the people. Kids will have fun watching the dinosaurs chase people. Adults can have fun watching dinosaurs chase people too, and enjoy a good human story, but uber-kids are annoying to us adults. So, just leave 'em out.
What makes these uber-kids so annoying is what perfect, idealistic children they always are. And they have this muystical aura of script immunity that wafts about them that screams "I CANNOT BE EATEN!" Seriously. If you want to guarantee you won't be eaten in a Jurassic Park movie, strap a kid to your chest. And one to your back, too. And wear a baby as a hat. That way, a raptor wont be able to sneak up on you from behind, T-Rex can't swallow you whole, and a Pteranodon can't swoop down and grab you from the sky. For added luck make sure at least one of these kids is from a different minority!

#10: Fire Jack Horner. That guy sucks as a scientific consultant. Hire Robert T. Bakker or Phillip J. Currie, or someone COOL. (...Am I the only one who thinks the scientist who got eaten by the T-Rex in the lost Wolrld is supposed to be Robert T. Bakker? He sure looks like him... bushy beard, cowboy hat, etc...) Yeah. Get yourselves a better scientific consultant, peoplewhomakeJurassicparkmovies.

#11: Please, STOP making everything take place at night/in the rain. I want to SEE the dinosaurs, dammit! Stop obscuring 'em with darkness and rain! I want to see my dinos stomping about in broad daylight!

#12: How 'bout some aquatic beasties? Deinosuchus! Plesiosaurus! Mosasaurus! Icthyosaurus! So much potential for these things! Spinosaurus was amphibious, but still, it just isn't the same...

#13: The "mountain-o-poo" cliche. It's stupid, stop using it. Dinosaurs didn't really leave behind piles of crap that big. The biggest coprolite (fossilised piece of dinosaur poo) they've found was froma T-Rex, and it was 'bout the size of a football. The mountains-oh-poo are in-accurate, and serve no purpose other then to incite "EEEW! GROSS!" reactions.

#14: MAKE IT LONGER! JPIII was barely over an hour in length! It raced by waaaayyy too quickly. More time = more opportunities to show cool CGI dinosaurs. And while we're at it, don't show all the best parts in the preview. Kinda defeats the purpose of, like... actually going to see the movie. XP

#15: For the love of god, BRING BACK SPIELBURG! It's HIS franchise, HE should direct it! While I'm at it, make it old-school Spielburg. The cool one, who directed Jaws, and wasn't so god-damn preachy and wasn't afraid to kill children and be politically incorrect.



*Pants* ...Okay ...I think that about wraps it up. Those are *my* suggestions as to how to make Jurassic Park IV. But seeing as how much III sucked, it's doubtful that therell ever be a IV. But we can only hope that they make one, and that it will manage to be good, and not just a re-hash of the same old formula. The Jurassic Park trilogy is a fine example, along with Jaws, of a good movie trilogy that gets progressively worse with each entry. C'mon, Jurassic Park. Don't turn into Jaws. Blow us away with your fourth instalment! READ THIS RANT, STEVEN SPIELBURG! You'll make MILLIONS!


-Stephen J. Greene

Making them more like the books may help as well...

....or, you can please the fanboys by giving all the characters long black overcoats, sunglasses, lots of l33t martial arts skills, and lots of guns.

I agree with Koji. I thought the books had much more action in it than the movies. There was a lot of blood and gore written in the second book, where Eddie fell from the high hide and got eaten by Raptors, which they left out from the movie.

I just think adding a few scenes from the books would help make the next movie/s better ^_^

I would've LOVED to see Nedry die on screen, holding his own intestines in his hands...but NO, it had to be INSIDE the car...*snort* no WAY a Dilophosaur could fit inside a Jeep.
AND they made Hammond into a nice guy! In the "JP" Book, he's a greedy a-hole obsesseed with making money!
And SHOW THE RAPTORS GOIGN ZAPPY IN THE LODGE WINDOWS!! That part was cool dangit!

...

I'm done!

And I'm SICK and TIRED of the black guy ALWAYS DYING FIRST!!! kill off all the white folks and have the black dude be the only survivor dangit! *is watching I, Robot, which was a cool movie...CONVERSE!)

...Okay, so the black guy was second, they killed off that one dude with the beard and shades first...BUT THEY STILL KILLED HIM OFF. (Besides, Cooper doesn't count, he was st00p1d)

Accually, Velociraptors are only 3 feet tall. Utha Raptors are about the size of the ones in this film. So, yeah, they just made them bigger because 3 feet tall raptors are so not scary.... x.x

And there probubly is no sea based dinos because where would they put them, but the ocean? It would probubly have been ****** to have them, but keep them in tanks and stuff sicne int eh ocean they would easily get away.

At least the flying things were secure, till some dumb idiot left the "lock" undone... Oh yeah, so logicial.... x.x

And Dilophosaurs are small. As well they are very slender. Yes, they could easily climb in a Jeep. But, don't forget, how COULD it get in unless it learned how to open a Jeep door... Thats the REAL point of complaint... How did it open the door?

And as for fossilized crap... Unlike solid bone, crap is... well crap... Ever wonder where the dog crap goes if you don't clean it up? Rain washes it away, it breaks apart into much smaller peices. Thus, for any aspect of a peice O poo to stay togehter enough to be fossilized, it would have to start very VERY big, and smaller peices break off over time, hradening, and thus, one day becoming fossilized as it always dreamed of being.

So technically, YES, their craps were around that size, of course they embelished it a bit... Watch an Elephant crap, there is your Herbivor dung, add some size to it... Wala... Anyways... Tahts enough crap talk from me. :lol:

I liked all the Jurassic Park films. The third one was kinda lame though. I like the first one the ebst, of course I do. I simply MUST go for the first one. The Second One is just more... Interesting. More going on in it. Third I liked if only for the new dinos and stuff. But, the T-rex Spino fight scene.... Far too short. But they DID do it accurately. T-rex has been said to be a rammer. He will ram its enemy with its big bulky. Spino is just smarted, and better equipt to fight with its long neck, jaws and foreclaws.

Anyways, blah... I just wanted to say those things.. And, untill I see a dino film better than Jurassic Park, I think I'll stand behind it 99%... hehehe

I agree with you and disagree with you on some points...

First off, I feel the Trex is too cliched. I definatly would prefer a spinosaur over a tyranosaur, but he was just used improperly. There are a few cliched dinosaurs, stegosaurs, T rex, raptors, triceratops, and brontosaurus/apatasaurus... you could throw anklyosaurus in there too. I want to see variety!

I agree with number 2, I don't care for raptors, and if they have to be the main killers than at least call them what they really were... those were too big for raptors. I liked the Compies! (sorry for the abbriviatons... I haven't spelled these dinosaur's names in a while... Compsghanthus.... or something of the sort... man that was bad...). And I want more on screen killing too!

Yes... I want to see some herbavore killing people too, some anklyosaurs smashing crap around.

B

Forget the CGI. I want special effects like in Invasion of the Dinosaurs!

Rarr. Nibble, nibble. Rarr. Rarr. Nibble, thwap, nibble.

AND they got the compies (or is it compys?that's how it's spelled in the books) wrong anyway:

In the book, the compsognathus were actually PROcomp.... and had brown stripes like a tiger's.

Those were probably Utah Raptors. I wanna see Coelophysis...7ft tall, long, narrow head...cool-looking as heck.

7 feet tall? Where the hell are you looking? According to over 5 sites with information on that species, they around about 3 feet tall. o.0

mightve meant 7 feet lont from muzzle to tip of tail.

*pokes you with a pickel* Yummy... pickels.... *hugs them, then proceeds to gobble them up*

Damn it, now I really want one. *goes to get one and eats 3*

I forget what I was gonna say... Ummmm GO DINOS!!! roar, n stuff. o.0

Actually, there were two species of raptors which approached feet in height: Megaraptor, and Utahraptor. Both raptors stood roughly 7 feet high and measured about 18 feet in length- the biggest raptors ever. Deinonychus stood about 5 feet tall and meatured about 12 feet in length, closer to the size of the "Raptors" in the movie. However, Velociraptors, (the kind in jurassic park) were only three feet tall, and measured about 8 feet in length.

JP "Velociraptors" are actually a made-up species, somewhere in size between Utahraptor and Deinonychus- however, they're too small to be Utahraptors, and too big to be Deinonychus. The JP Velociraptors are their own, unique, special, "man made" type of raptor, but are referred to as "Velociraptor" simply because the people who made the movie thought it sounded cooler then "Deinonychus" or "Utahraptor."

Or maybe because Velociraptor is easier to say XP

Was the Utahraptor not 20 ft in length, snout to tip of tail? In one book I read, it said that Utahraptor was about 20 ft in length and weighed about 400 pounds. It kind of struck me a little that the raptors in JP somewhat resembled them, although more or less like Deinonychus.

Size estimates vary, of course... since often some bones will be missing, making it hard to determine how big certain dinosaurs are... for example, size estimates for Tyrannosaurus Rex vary between 40-45 feet... as such, Utahraptor's size varies from 17-20 feet depending on what scientist you ask. Buuuut... yeah. Utahraptors were around that size.

Heh. I read a book that said T-Rex could be 60 feet.

As for ze Raptors, hard to thinm of them that size, since aren't Raptors quick, fast thinking Dinosaurs?

There probably is a reason the raptors gradually moved towards smaller sizes, yes. Smaller size means you need less food, while their group tactics could help cover for the loss of individual killing power.
Compsagnathus was about the size of a chicken, Sky Dragon. The size difference between procomsagnathus and compsagnathus was pretty darn slim. They can be excused for switching from the prototype to the more commonly-known variety of dinosaur.
After all, like Steve said, Spinosaurus was a poor choice for a Mecha-Godzilla because it was rather poorly-known. Granted, I'm all for making a Gorgosaurus and watching that kick the crap outta Vulturranosaurus Rex . . . but that's besides the point.

Gorgosaurus versus T-Rex? They're too closely related, Nobody would be able to tell the difference. XP Everybody in the audience would be going "Hey, why's that mini-T Rex beating up on that big one?" :lol:

I was thinking more along the lines of "Yeah! Hot Rex-on-Rexoid action!"
. . . but that's just me.

OHH YEA ...* imagines an dinosaur with sun glasses on and a machine gun in his hand.....SAY HELO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND...* Is that what you ment or am i just reading wrong :unsure: