Got any silly jokes you like to tell? Post them here! They can be knock-knock jokes,Yo mama jokes,and etc. Don't joke about sexual humor and that kind of nasty stuff.

Here's one:

Once there was this foreign guy who came to America and barely knew any english.

One day,he went to a restaurant and learned the words,"Forks and knives! Forks and knives!"

The other day,he went to a soap opera and learned the words, "Me mee meee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

The next day,he went to a electronic store and learned the words,"Plug it in! Plug it in!"

A few days later,a policeman came up to him and asked,"There was an old lady killed last night. Do you know who did it?"

The Foreign guy replied,"Me mee meee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Oh? How'd you kill her?" questioned the policeman.

"Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" said the foreigner.

The foreign man was taken to the police station,to be eletrecuted in the eletric chair. The police man asked,"Have any last words?"

The foreign person replied,"Plug it in! Plug it in!"

I got some but they arn't mine.Credits to seora.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure
that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but
Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that
Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could
have done!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A carpet layer had just finished a wall-to-wall installation.
When he arose from his labor for a smoke, he realized that his
pack of cigarettes was missing from his shirt pocket. Seeing a
small bulge under the center of the new carpet, he thought "No
sense in pulling up the whole rug to get the pack" and proceeded
to flatten the lump with his hammer.

As he was cleaning up, the lady of the house walked in. "Here
are your cigarettes. I found them in the hallway. Now if I could
only find my hamster."

The hamster one...WAAAAAH!!

Anyway, I've got a couple.

This guy walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, downs it. then he opens his wallet to look at something in it, closes it, and reorders. he repeats this several times.
After, the bartender gets curious and asks why he keeps doing that. the guy answers"Becuz the more I drink, the purtier my wife gets!"

A guy walks into a bar, with a leprechaun at his heels. the guy orders a beer and sits in a corner at the end of the bar. the leprechaun goes up to the bar at the opposite ennd, and orders a shot of Irish whiskey. He downs it, hops onto the counter, and runs over to the guy sipping his beer, spits in his face, and runs back to order another one.
The leprechaun does this several times, until the guy catches him by the throat and says
"You spit in my face again I'll cut your pecker off." Leprechaun answers "leprechauns don' have peckers, lad."
The guy asks "then how do you piss?" and the leprechaun says "by spittin'." and spits in the guy's face.

An angry guy walks into a bar and orders are drink. when asked what's wrong he simply says "All lawyers are a$$holes."
A guy sitting at a table in a corner yells "I take offense to that!"
the angry guy walks over and asks "Why, are you a lawyer?"
the other guy answers "no sir, I'm an a$$hole."

NOW HERE'S A LITTLE RIDDLE:

Two guys (Bob and Bill), both targeted for assasination by the mob, walk into the same bar, and order the same drink (a glass of beer, with plenty of ice).
Bob takes his drink and slowly sips it through the straw.
Bill takes his and downs it, then orders a second, then a third drink.
All of a sudden, Bob drops dead. If both were supposed to be killed in the same way, how did Bob die?

I think the answer is that the mafia knew Bob only drank through a straw, so they poisoned the straw instead of the drink.

Don't have very many good jokes I can remember, but here goes...
A nun, a priest, a doctor, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What? Is this some kind of a joke?"

There were five people on a crashing air plane. Britney Spears, George W. Bush, Pavarotti, the Pope, and a boy scout. There were only four parachutes, not enough for the five important people on board, so they had to decide who would be left. President Bush said he should go first since he is the president of the greatest country in the world. So he jumps and lands safely. Then Pavarotti says that he has the greatest voice in the world so jumps and parachutes to safety. Britney Spears says she's a role model for young girls, a sex icon, and the smartest woman in the world so she jumps out. Then the Pope says to the little boy scout, "I am old and feeble and I don't have much longer to live...You must take the last parachute." The boy scout replies, "We can both take a parachute because the smartest woman in the world took my backpack."

I have a couple of band jokes, just tell me if you want me to use them.

Nice.

The actual answer is that the poison was in the ice cubes. Bob drank so slowly that the ice cubes melted, the poison spread and got up his straw with the beer. But Bill chugged his drinks, so the ice cubes did not have time to melt before he finished his beer and ordered another one.

Here's a lawyer joke:

What do you call an honest lawyer?
Answer: unemployed!

umm..ook...

im bored so im just gonna put some weird stuff that i saw in a flash movie (Knox's Revolutions to be precise).....

Guy #1: Knock Knock....
Guy #2: Who's There....
Guy #1: Banana.....
Guy #2: Banana who..?
Guy #1: Aren't you glad i didnt say banana?
Guy #2: But you did...
Guy #1: ok ok lemme try that again, it was a stupid joke....knock knock...
Guy #2: who's there...
Guy #1: Potato.....
Guy #2: Potato who.....
Guy #1: Aren't you glad i didnt say banana?
Guy #2: ...........................................That's hilarious...........

(Two hours later....)

Guy #1: and then, and then the guy, he says...."arent you glad i didnt way banana?"
Guy #2: ......you already did that one.......it's the same joke....
Guy #1: No it isnt!!
Guy #2: ....yes it is....
Guy #1: ok, fine.....your mama's so fat....she rolled up a hill and.....um.....hmmm....uh...um....
Guy #2: ...what?....huh?.....you dont even know it do you.......
Guy #1: No, i must say i'm really more of a knock knock person.....Knock knock....
Guy #2: who's there?
Guy #1: Benjamin Franklin....
Guy #2: lemme guess.....
Guy #1: Arent you glad i didnt say...
Guy #2: JUST SHUT UP!!!!

---------------------

*end pointless converstion..*

i just wasted about a half a minute of your life...

-knock knock!
-who's there?
-Boo
-Boo who?
-Boohoo! Why are you crying?

okay, lame.

a blonde went to the theater w/her boyffriend, where she bought a pack of M&Ms
Once she sits down, she dumps the pack onot her lap, sorts out all the brown ones, and throws them in the trash can. When her boyfriend asks her why she did that, she says
"I'm allergic to chocolate."

What's the best way to kill somebody in Las Vegas?
glue a quarter to the bottom of the pool.

Two men were fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. Suddenly, one of the men reeled in a huge fish. The fish jumped up and tranformed into a man with a white beard an d a big spear. The main said, "I am Triton, God of the seas. As punishment for fishing in my domain, I will put a curse on you. On your way back to shore, your boat will spring a dozen leaks, make that a dozen and a half for good measure." With that he leapt out of the boat and disappeared. Sure enough, on the way home the boat sprung a bunch of leaks and the men had to swim to shore. For the rest of their lives, the two men never forgot Triton's Eighteen Hole Gulf Curse.

Oh, nice! Eighteen-hole Gulf Curse (18-hole golf course)

I don't have any new jokes that aren't nasty, so I'm not gonna post any now.


turd.

Are we allowed to post blonde jokes? I don't wanna offend anybody.

Yes, Just make sure bit doesnt see them..

You guys should be more careful with those jokes..their antiques..

"Yo mama so fat, her shadow weighs 142 pounds"..yeah

....

you got it wrong......Pulse...(im gonna keep calling you that...)

it's suppose to go "yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her butt weighs 50 pounds..."

I hate you :-D


No, I didnt..thats just the one I use.

142 makes it feel cluttered, with jokes you KISS(Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.)

Oh my good.. that blonde joke was great. You had me rolling.. ehe.. My friend says he was crying he was laughing so hard.. Yeah, there are alot of dumb blondes around here.... ehe...

I like the Las Vegas one... a quarter.. thats great.. Lycan

erm well Im a dirty blonde so that makes me, erm... dumb with hidden smartnessness...... yeah Im smart, I just dont show it XD

What did one DNA say to another?

Do these genes make me look fat?




What did the skin say to the scab?

Cover me!




How do you make a hamburger roll?

Push it off the side of a hill!



(*edit by Jammer* Don't double post, please.)

Coolness, I can post blonde jokes! I have about a thousand of them. Ready... (Punch Lines and answers to questions are in *)

Why did the blonde take a ladder to the bar?
*She heard the drinks were on the house!*

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
*She can't find the 11!*

(Story Time!)
One day, a blonde was sitting alone in her house. She felt lonely, so she figured she'd get a pet. She went to the pet store and bought a goldfish. Later, it looked hungry, but she didn't know how to feed. She knew her neighbor next door, a brunette, had a few fish so she called her up and asked how to feed the fish. The brunette came over and fed her fish with some quality fish food. After this was done, the brunette got up and said, "Anything else I can do fer ya?" And the blonde said, *"Ya, what should I give it to drink?"*

One day, two blondes decided they'd go to Disneyland. They packed up their stuff, and drove all the way to California. When they got there, there was a sign that said, "Disneyland Left". *So they went home dissapointed.*

One day, a blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies. When they got there, the boyfriend bought her M&Ms. When he got back to the seat, he found her throwing out all of the brown M&ms. he goes, "What did you do that for? *She says, "I'm allergic to chocolate."*

One day, a blonde and her father went for a walk in the park. The father looked down and saw a dead bird on the path. he goes, "Oh my goodness, honey, look at the dead bird." *She looks up.*

(Question Time!)

How did the blonde die racking leaves?
*She fell out of the tree!*

What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?
*Artificial Intelligence!*

How did the blonde drown in the lake?
*She saw her reflection, thought she was drowning, and tried to save herself!*

How are Barbie and Britney Spears similar?
*They are blonde, brainless, and made out of plastic!*

(Story Time!)

A blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a medium pizza to go. The pizza guy looks up at her and goes, "Would you like that cut into eight or sixteen slices?" She goes, *Are you crazy? I could never eat sixteen pieces!*

Driving in the Everglades, a blonde was trying to get to her friend's house. All of a sudden, the urge came over her to stop at a local swamp market and buy a pair of genuine alligator skin shoes. When you drove in, she saw a man with a stand that said, "Get your Everglades own Alligator Skin Shoes Here! Cheapest prices guaranteed!" So, she walked up to the man and said, "What's the price for shoes?" he said, "$165. You want them?" She looks baffled, "Heck no! That's way too expensive!"
"But they're the cheapest here. You won't find better then that. I'm sorry, miss."
"Oh, maybe I'll go catch my own alligator and get my own shoes for free!"
"Suit yerself, ya crazy braud."
So the blonde storms back to her car and drives way. Hours later, on his way home, the same shokeeper who talked with the blonde drives by and sees her waist deep in the water with a double barrel shotgun. A huge 9-foot alligator was closing in, and just when he was about to go save her, she whipped around and put two bullets in between his eyes. he went down, and she dragged him to shore, where, now that he could see, was littered with countless alligator cadavers. Just when he was about to compliment her on her leet gator hunting skills, she flipped the gator on its back and inspected its feet. She gotup, dissappointed, and yelled, *"Dammit! This one doesn't have any shoes either!!!"*

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of murder and ordered to death by firing squad. The brunette took the stand, the men aimed, and just before they pulled their triggers, she yelled, "Hurricane!" They all ran scared and she got away. The redhead got up, the men took aim, and before the triggers were pulled, she yelled, "Tornado!" They all ran scared and she got away, the blonde took the stand, they took aim, and right before they pulled the triggers, she yelled, *"Fire!" And they killed her.*

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were running away from the cops after stealing something. To get away, they hid in a barn. The cops saw them run onto the farm and were about to look in the shed. Thinking quickly, the brunette saw three sacks in near the corner of the shed. "Quick, let's hide in those!" So they each got into a different sack. The cops came in, and saw the three filled, moving, sacks. "That's pretty suspiscious right there, Tom."
"That's pretty suspicious indeed, Bob." So Bob, went over and kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She said, "mew...mew...," very softly. Tom looked at Bob and said, "Rotten farmers! Keepin' poor, inoccent little kittens in there." Just as they went to kick the redhead's sack, she caught on and when they delivered her blow, she said, "woof...woof...," very softly. Now Tom, the animal activist, was steaming. he yelled, "If cats weren't enough, now they've got dogs tied up. I can't stand fer this."
"We'll just have to call the Humane Society when we get back," said Bob. So they finally came to the sack with the blonde in it. They kicked it, and heard very faintly, *"potato...potato..."*

That's it for now! Peace!!! *Blackice, master of all that is blonde and funny!