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Title: How would you react? Opinions wanted.


omglazerspewpew - December 22, 2005 02:30 AM (GMT)
First, a history.
My entrance into an internet community happened around 1999. Looking for information about PS1 games I stumbled onto www.ign.com and found the message boards. Being mainly a PC gamer I made the PC boards my home. There I met lots of like minded people and a community was made. It was like this until about 2002.

IGN decided that only subscribers to their IGNsider program would be allowed to use the messageboards. We needed a new home and bad. Someone found a site owned by his friend and we all migrated to www.alloutgames.com

We stayed there for about a year. The owned of the site was a gay man and he gradually begin to turn the site into site for gay "gaymers". While we had no problem with this, he became increasingly hostile to the large number of straight gamers on the boards. The final straw was when I started a topic about the then recently released movie "The Passion of the Christ". He began to debase my beliefs, my religion and so forth. We had had enough and so did he. The split was not pleasant.

The core group of us remained intact. There was one amongst us beloved by all. Her name was "Sav" and we considered her our den mother. She was geekier than us and many of us grew close to her. I played Homeworld, Diablo 2 and World of Warcraft with her. We decided to create our own forums. We gathered some money together and bought one from the same forum company you fine people use. We have been there since

Thats 6 years the 15 of us have been together. 13 males and 2 females. Until today.

Today, Sav posted this

QUOTE
Sav is gone. After you read this she’ll never be able to come back.

Well, you see, Savarian never fully existed in the first place. I’m still not entirely how to fully explain this, but I do know that I need to and want to tell you now. So, please, just bear with me.

I am the person who makes up Savarian, but I'm not who I've lead you to believe all this time. My name is Matt and, obviously (now), a male. Savarian as you’ve come to know her was the product of crazy/stupid idea back in the days of IGN. At the time, I was first getting into things like online communities and figured I would just poke around and such. Nothing too major. Not more than a week or two into it one of those threads came up about girl gamers. Being fairly new to these things I didn't know any better and figured it was something of significance, at least in terms of a board. I've sorta thought for a long time that a girl whole defied the rules of these things by her very existence would be cool to have around. She would be like any other gamer out there and basically only a girl by birth. She would probably be a cool person, but she would also force some people to rethink what kind of person can do things. I was still new to the community and had said very little. No one really knew me, yet, so I really had the power of complete anonymity. I can't really remember what twisted form of logic lead me to the decision anymore, but I do know I made the decision pretty quick... too quickly. I wanted someone like Savarian on these boards and no one showed up. So, I became her.

When I did that I never imagined I would become so involved with group of people that I would consider more than anonymous bodies that typed about games. All I really foresaw was post about games and the occasional chance to slap someone down for being an idiot about who games are for or what women were like. Over time I guess I became a recognizable face on the boards and some of you started to talk to me in things beyond IGN. Not wanting to break my illusion or realizing that our conversations would actually start to mean something, I stayed quiet about who I really was.

It didn't take long for me to realize my own shortsightedness and came to see that those of you who were talking to me were really good people. I wanted to be myself, but I wanted to be able to keep talking to you all. I feared telling my secret would knock me back and I'd be forced to loose what friendships we had. This, of course, only got worse and worse as we all started to come together as a full on group. Eventually, I just decided I’d live as Savarian. I came up with some personal ground rules... mostly how exactly I could be in contact with others. The major one was that I could never do anything involving voice (I’m still not fond of the idea in most games anyways), but I also that I could never meet any of you. At this point I figured a lie that, at the time, wasn’t hurting anyone would be better than a big dramatic revelation and me getting cut out of the group. Something has changed recently. Now I'm not completely afraid of the consequences and I'm willing to accept whatever comes of me telling you all who I really am. That means that a big dramatic revelation is in order.

So, first off, I’m sorry. At this point I know I took the decision to become Savarian too lightly and more or less regret starting it in the first place. However, I’m not sorry for the time that I was able to be her. A large part of me thinks that I’m still here because of her and I’m thankful for that. That’s not to say that you are all too shallow to let me in simply because I was a girl. It’s that I’m just happy that I’ve been able to be with you all and I was Savarian at the time. Over the past years I’ve come to think of you all as good friends. You’re all people I trust and enjoy being around in the capacity that we can be around each other. By lying about who I was violated that trust every time I talked to you. I'd be lying if I said I always felt guilty about it, but I did often and now that I'm here typing this I feel pretty awful.

I should probably explain who Savarian actually is. When I think of Savarian in my head I basically think of myself, but as a girl. I did my best to remain myself in every way possible and only became a woman when necessary. That is, only when I had to talk about something that would necessarily be different because of sex. Even then, I tried my hardest to put my own stamp on it. She was not so much a character I was playing, but more of me looking at the world from a slightly different perspective. That way it was easier to keep track of stuff without forcing myself into a bigger web of lies, but also because I was able to be myself to a greater capacity.

I've also had an accomplice throughout the past six years, although she's not to be held accountable for this. You see, Aimee is my girlfriend of several years and essentially my wife at this point. Whenever I talked about Matt, I was really talking about Aimee. I just changed the name and sex but kept the personality the same, again. She helped me with feminine stuff I might not have known in order to fill the cracks, at least initially. As I did this longer I got better at it and was able to do things with less input from her. The image of who Savarian became more clear in my head and I needed her less and less. I suppose on some level you could say Savarian was initially a melding of our two personalities, but now it's solely my realm and it really didn't take long for that to happen.

Which is part of the problem and a big part of my decision to reveal myself now. I had to train myself to stay in character and I've realized it's gone too far in my head. Now, whenever I do anything that might relate to Savarian my mind switches over to “Sav Mode,” for lack of a better term. During that time I’m her for all intents and purposes. Aimee becomes Matt, and I do whatever I’m doing through Sav's eyes. It’s probably not as dramatic as it sounds, but it’s enough to unnerve me a little. I’ve created a second personality in my head and while the personality essentially is the same, the fact that it is a second personality worries me. A few times I've done things that would relate to Sav Mode, but would be doing them with people who aren't involved with the illusion and have to consciously keep myself talking as Matt. It was rare and the major occasion happened when I decided to reveal myself to you, but it's there. I’ve decided I need to purge Savarian from my mind and I’m going to do it on several levels.

That is, beyond simply not being her anymore, I'm going to remove myself from her name. The process will take some time since I used Savarian for pretty much everything, but I've already started the transition. That's pretty much the explanation of the new user name. Sirean has generally been the name I'd use with stuff that I'd use and didn't want to be linked to Savarian. In reality I've barely used it, but it is a pen name I always had in the back of my head for stuff. I like it and I actually made it when I made Savarian.... it's still me. The Syan part remains. It's a little symbolic and such, so I think it's fitting.

In purging myself from the name I’d also kind of like to make Savarian something of a separate person and me, as my own self, a new person. What I don’t want to do is invalidate any history you might have with Savarian, make you feel like you wasted your time, or something similar. I deceived you; Savarian had some good times with you. If you’re capable of separating the two in your minds, be angry with me and just remember Savarian from the time you spent with her. I'd much rather you all hate me with every fiber in your bodies and remember times with Savarian fondly then simply just being angry with me.

I’m of the belief that there’s nothing I’ll be able to do for you all in order to actually make amends for this and I’m also thinking my continued presence would cause strife among the community. You’re a small enough group as it is and you don’t need anything to split things apart. The only way I think I can help the situation is to exile myself and be gone from the boards. I’d hate to be here as the guy who’s outstayed his welcome or, worse yet, be here only to spoil what good memories you might have of Savarian. So, I’m gone and I imagine for good. I can’t allow myself to come back if it'll cause trouble, even if it's just one of you. Savarian has a place here, not me and I basically just took your friend from you. Know I’m deeply sorry for pulling the wool over your eyes for so long and I apologize for whatever you have to work out after learning this. It's been a hard decision to make, but I simply can’t allow myself to benefits of being a member of the community anymore at the possible expense of any of you. I have to just up and walk away. My intention is to post this up, log out, and never log back in. Odds are I'll lurk for some time, but I won't be saying anything further on the boards.

You’re all great people and I’m very happy to have been a part of this for so long. When I first started doing this I never could have dreamed I’d become part of something that really is special. You all have created something here that defies all the rules created by Internet communities… I’m pissed at myself that my actions have lowered the board closer to the state of so many other places, but I hope you can continue on after this (and you most likely will). If I had the right to make something of a final request, it’d be that you all keep going and keep this together. The name will change, I’m sure, people will come and go, I’m sure, but something of this needs to remain simply as an example a good thing. Each of you has added to my life in pretty amazing ways. I suppose I could do one of those individual “shout out” things, but I've always been bothered by those so I won't. You all have your roles and I suspect that you're all pretty aware of them. I just hope you know how special that really is.

If any of you would like to keep in contact with me, want to ask me something, or would simply like to call me scum, you’re more than welcome to. I’ve set up a new email address and MSN Messenger account. You can get to me through either of them. Since I don't intend to log in I won't be able to see PMs.

Email: xxxxxx@gmail.com
MSN: xxxxxx@hotmail.com

Thanks for all the times. Again, I'm sorry that I have to drop this bomb on you, but it needs to happen and you all deserve to get the truth. Maybe I'll talk to some of you again, but I'm assuming I won't... take care.



It's not a joke. We are all reeling and not knowing what to think. I saw one of our oldest users go from denial, admission to more angry than I have ever seen him. Some were understanding. None condoned it.

I just want to know what you guys think. Sorry this was so long.

STALIN - December 22, 2005 02:33 AM (GMT)
My opinion. Get over it. Its an online forum..and a fake person you would play video games with..big deal.

Just goes to show, that that hott chick you cybered with last night, was probably some 500 pound man.

Phelan - December 22, 2005 02:45 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (STALIN @ Dec 21 2005, 08:33 PM)
My opinion. Get over it. Its an online forum..and a fake person you would play video games with..big deal.

Just goes to show, that that hott chick you cybered with last night, was probably some 500 pound man.

Stalin, in the future be more polite. It may not be important to you but it can be to other people. And there's no need to be as disrepectful as that.

Now, as to the topic at hand, I'd probably be a bit surprised and impressed with the acting skills. Anyone can be anything on the internet. This is a perfect example of that.

As for anger and denial, that's all normal. It's a shock. Something y'all accepted as truth wasn't. As for condoning it....it's not anyone to judge as right or wrong. The internet offers the ultimate anonymity as anyone can be anything. I pass myself off as male, speak as though I'm a male, and even posted pictures that are male.

But can anyone prove that's really me? No. There's hundreds of ways to pass yourself off as something.

When you get right down to it though, the person you've known for the last several years as Savarian or Sav is still there. It's the same person, with the same attitudes and opinions, the same person you've gotten to know.

So, if I were in your shoes, I'd congratulate this Matt on a role well played and continue on. I'd try and move past the fact I was fooled and onto learning about the real person who was Savarian. Just as I would with anyone else. On forums and message boards all we see are screen names and avatars, all we know is what other people choose to reveal. But now...now you have a chance to learn about the real person behind the avatar and behind the name. Why not take it?


JammerLea - December 22, 2005 02:47 AM (GMT)
*beats Stalin with a breadstick*

Eh, what can I say? Even ZE has seen a few people who aren't who they said they were. It's a touchy issue, because... what do you do if they are good people? To me this sounds more like roleplaying that just went too far for the guy. It's always hard revealing a secret like that.

But I'd rather know the truth than not having a clue...

ZeRoRaVeN - December 22, 2005 02:49 AM (GMT)
Hmmm 6 yrs you've all been together? And he was pretending all this time? I'm impressed how he's been able to fool you guys for so long, even if he had his gf/wife helping him....just goes to show that people aren't always what they appear online. A lesson everyone online should take to heart.

Phelan's right, learn about the REAL person behind Sav, if you thought of Sav as a good person, then why not learn of the person behind her? Just keep on thinking of Sav as another person, not as Matt, but a seperate person.

Yes Sav was not a real person, yes she was created by Matt, but guess what? He gave life to her, her personality, the way she acts, he basically created a person with a unique personality. There's nothing wrong with remembering her as a person, people do that with fanfics sometimes, its like their characters have a life of their own.

sammich - December 22, 2005 03:07 AM (GMT)
It is impressive, but I never like deceitful people. I'd be hurt. Especially since you had known them for years and had long conversations with them. You start to feel like you know them.
Of course only time can truly say what will happen.

STALIN - December 22, 2005 09:08 PM (GMT)
My apologies for my post :-D



The Zombie - December 22, 2005 09:17 PM (GMT)
Wow... Thats... Really... Wow...

I'm not usre how I'd react... I'd be dumbfounded and confused for sure... Thinking it was just a joke at first...

All I can say is wow... That it was well done, and well contrived... And at least he had the decency to come along and admit it. Therefore, he isn't exactly a bad person...

yuris back - December 23, 2005 05:22 AM (GMT)
wow... thats huge. but i agree with the other people, Savarian is the same as matt only matt is a different sex, it must have taken alot of courageto come out and say that and i think you should try and get to know matt better, the person behind the avater as most people have said so far.

ShadowDragon062 - December 24, 2005 10:04 PM (GMT)
I'd wouldn't be too surprised. You can have any identity you want really. We are allowed to change are names, etc. However, this is just like RPGing. You play the role of another. I don't see a problem besides the fact that if yout old him personal information you could be scared. Other than that, get to know the guy. Usually, if I found out eventually he was a fake and he never told me, I would be mad at him for the lies. However, if he told me right one later, that he was a lie and who he/she really was, I would accept it, and go on with life. It's the nature of people to forgive and forget.

I am amazed how he could do this though. For six years as well. Playing the role of someone is not that hard, but to keep it up like that is amazing.

I agree with Phelan. Be nice to the guy. True, you were fooled, but a lot of us have in our lives. I myself have been quite gullible loads of times, but I still stand knowing more people each day.

Tilly - December 24, 2005 10:44 PM (GMT)
I don't care about gender, I care about trust. The lie would hurt me, but the fact he wanted to come clean, as it were, says something...

I think if I could put that behind me I'd still want to talk to the guy.

STALIN - December 25, 2005 12:58 AM (GMT)
How did he describe himself as a girl?

5'5 110 pounds tan blonde hair DDs?


That playing video games would seem kinda fishy to me.

Sephiroth - December 25, 2005 01:34 AM (GMT)
I imagine I'd be mad, but wouldnt sty that way.Well, in essence its the same person. So i dont see why it should break up, or change anyones lives and relationship. Forgive and forget.

JammerLea - December 25, 2005 03:01 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (STALIN @ Dec 24 2005, 07:58 PM)
That playing video games would seem kinda fishy to me.

That's not supposed to be what it sounds like, right? Right??

omglazerspewpew - December 25, 2005 03:04 AM (GMT)
Like Matt said in his post, he had an accomplice. He would often post pictures of "sav" with his girlfriend Aimee in them. She was a cute, short asian girl. Were we supposed to say "no way, that isnt you!"

HaTcH - December 25, 2005 03:46 AM (GMT)
*Pokes Tilly*
Yeah, he was mistaken for a boy quite often. Err.. I mean, she. XD

I dunno, I don't think its all that cool to be someone you're not. Even if it is just on an online community. These things are built off trust as most of us have never been in person with another member.

But in the same respect, I don't really blame him. The fact that he actually came clean about the whole thing was pretty brave, 'specially after being Saviaran for so long.

Don't let anything change, honestly. If he left the forums, try and get him back. Its not like he put a knife in your back, the person you came to know and trust is him.

Illidan - December 25, 2005 09:33 AM (GMT)
Someone I'd known for a year turned out to be the same, and while it wasn't really a surprise (I'd guessed it) it wasn't much of a jolt either.

What Phelan said.

Atrophy Within - December 28, 2005 04:13 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (STALIN @ Dec 21 2005, 09:33 PM)
My opinion. Get over it. Its an online forum..and a fake person you would play video games with..big deal.

Just goes to show, that that hott chick you cybered with last night, was probably some 500 pound man.

Hmmm, you WOULD be the one to talk of cybering with an overwieght man, now would you?

Anyways, thats not the type of comment appreciated on this forum, thanks alot. There are some kids here who don't need to hear that type of stuff, wether you like it or not.

And rudness never got anyone anywheres, but perhaps it DID get then a nice black eye, or bruised ego from a better educated, and annoyed being...

ANyways...

My suggestion, or opinion I should say...People do that often. They play a small fake role, and it later grows, but slowly till it gets out of hand. Personally, I think its kinda pointless, but meh, its his choise. I bet he is still the same perosn you got to know, only... a male. Its weird, oh yes, but life is life, and things tend to get weird. Especially with the internet so commonly used for socialization. These days thats considered normal, for a male to play female, or visa versa.

I honestly couldn't tell you what to do, as its you who would be doing it. Just take it the way your instinct tells you to, and remember it as a learning experience, if there ever is a point to.

STALIN - December 28, 2005 05:49 AM (GMT)
No. That statement is actually from a t-shirt.

I apologized earlier for my post..

One thing I dont understand is how you can get so attached to someone who lives hundreds of miles away that you play video games with..Im a gamer too and I play with the same group of people for certain games..But if one doesnt get sick, i dont like send them flowers and get-better cards..




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