Title: EXEW Theater
Saint PhantomZero - October 27, 2007 03:47 AM (GMT)
Chapter 1
The alarm sounded, and it was morning. God damn it, another morning. I hate Mondays. Monday was when I went to work, after a weeke- wait. I’m… always working. Damn it.
I sat up in my bed, and peeked through the blinds of the window next to my bed. Morning. It was another day in the EXEW Community. It was dawn; I got ready for work at the office today, and walked down the street to the local café, run by Saber-chan.
“Morning, Saber-chan,” I greeted her while yawning, as I opened the door. She was leaning against the counter while reading a book.
“Oh, Good Mornin’ Phantom! I already have your coffee.” She set it on the counter for me.
“Thanks! How’re you today?” I asked, as I paid her in exact change.
“Tired. But it’s better than your job~”
“…Don’t remind me. Well, I’m off. Later.” I waved as I walked out the café, and walked back to my house for my car. It was amusing. Only about 5% of the EXEW Community knew how to drive. Which made traffic PERFECT; there wasn’t any. However, I had to go and drive Feez to work with me today; I had to consult with him about his case today. Feez is the top lawyer in our town… Not that there’s actual crime. Most if it seems to be based off amusement; however this was a serious crime.
I got to his house, and went to his door. I knocked thrice and he opened the door.
“About time, PZ. I had to watch Gurren Lagann to busy myself waiting for you!”
“…That’s a bad thing?”
“Not really. Especially seeing as I’m going to use this fresh memory to own today’s case.” Feez walked with me to the car, and he got into shotgun.
“Well, let’s talk when we get to my office.” While I drove, I ran the case through my head one more time.
Here’s what happened.
Guy Phoenix, a masseuse, is being charged for malpractice. Even though that’s odd for a masseuse to be charged for mal… Oh wait. They CAN molest people. But then again, I don’t think he’s gay… Well, he does make a damn fool out of himself due to several reasons, but I don’t think he’s homosexual gay. I hope. Well, the case is also because he decided to talk about Gurren Lagann: one of the new anime that hit our town, and was a pretty god damn great impact on our community. However, Chibi Goku, the town critic, had his problems with it. Well, we may have extremely opposing views, but we still make great drinking buddies. Wait, I’m digressing. Damn it.
Anyway.
So, Guy Phoenix is mainly being charged due to giving out stupid comments on how things worked and ridiculed it. It’s not like it’s a serious issue but it is really annoy-OH SHIT.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH
I slammed on brakes, and came to a halt.
“God damn it, Sero. What the hell does everyone say before crossing the fucking street? LOOK BOTH WAYS DAMN IT.”
Sero, the editor of the town newspaper, was running across the street, a little disheveled. “Sorry! I had to get the paper ready for the court case today!”
“Well, just because of that, you get a front row seat.” I sighed. Feez was asleep besides me. Damn, not even awake after breaking like that.
“Really? Thanks. I’ll see you later.” Sero hurried off, probably to get his stuff together. It was funny too; he always got front row anyway.
Finally we reached the office. “Feez, wake up.” I took another sip of my coffee and shook him awake, after turning off my car.
“Objectio-Huh?” He woke up, and blinked. “Oh. We’re finally here? Well alright.” We got out of the car, and headed into my office.
Oh. I never said what my job was, did I? I’m a judge here. Yeah, it was going to be a pretty epic case, huh? Luckily I got to judge it; however it was a case with a jury.
Anyway, I went to talk about the case with Feez, and our discussion finished short. Feez knew what he was talking about. I didn’t have to worry about corruption in the court now.
Later, we were all ready… READY FOR SOME PHOENIX WRIGHT COURT ACTION, MAN.
I was leaning back in my chair, and was flipping my gavel up and down, all dressed up in my robes. A knock came to my door, and it was the security guard whose name I can’t remember, telling me that it was almost time.
“Time to get this over with. Let’s go.”
The alarm sounded, and it was morning. God damn it, another morning. I hate Mondays. Monday was when I went to work, after a weeke- wait. I’m… always working. Damn it.
I sat up in my bed, and peeked through the blinds of the window next to my bed. Morning. It was another day in the EXEW Community. It was dawn; I got ready for work at the office today, and walked down the street to the local café, run by Saber-chan.
“Morning, Saber-chan,” I greeted her while yawning, as I opened the door. She was leaning against the counter while reading a book.
“Oh, Good Mornin’ Phantom! I already have your coffee.” She set it on the counter for me.
“Thanks! How’re you today?” I asked, as I paid her in exact change.
“Tired. But it’s better than your job~”
“…Don’t remind me. Well, I’m off. Later.” I waved as I walked out the café, and walked back to my house for my car. It was amusing. Only about 5% of the EXEW Community knew how to drive. Which made traffic PERFECT; there wasn’t any. However, I had to go and drive Feez to work with me today; I had to consult with him about his case today. Feez is the top lawyer in our town… Not that there’s actual crime. Most if it seems to be based off amusement; however this was a serious crime.
I got to his house, and went to his door. I knocked thrice and he opened the door.
“About time, PZ. I had to watch Gurren Lagann to busy myself waiting for you!”
“…That’s a bad thing?”
“Not really. Especially seeing as I’m going to use this fresh memory to own today’s case.” Feez walked with me to the car, and he got into shotgun.
“Well, let’s talk when we get to my office.” While I drove, I ran the case through my head one more time.
Here’s what happened.
Guy Phoenix, a masseuse, is being charged for malpractice. Even though that’s odd for a masseuse to be charged for mal… Oh wait. They CAN molest people. But then again, I don’t think he’s gay… Well, he does make a damn fool out of himself due to several reasons, but I don’t think he’s homosexual gay. I hope. Well, the case is also because he decided to talk about Gurren Lagann: one of the new anime that hit our town, and was a pretty god damn great impact on our community. However, Chibi Goku, the town critic, had his problems with it. Well, we may have extremely opposing views, but we still make great drinking buddies. Wait, I’m digressing. Damn it.
Anyway.
So, Guy Phoenix is mainly being charged due to giving out stupid comments on how things worked and ridiculed it. It’s not like it’s a serious issue but it is really annoy-OH SHIT.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH
I slammed on brakes, and came to a halt.
“God damn it, Sero. What the hell does everyone say before crossing the fucking street? LOOK BOTH WAYS DAMN IT.”
Sero, the editor of the town newspaper, was running across the street, a little disheveled. “Sorry! I had to get the paper ready for the court case today!”
“Well, just because of that, you get a front row seat.” I sighed. Feez was asleep besides me. Damn, not even awake after breaking like that.
“Really? Thanks. I’ll see you later.” Sero hurried off, probably to get his stuff together. It was funny too; he always got front row anyway.
Finally we reached the office. “Feez, wake up.” I took another sip of my coffee and shook him awake, after turning off my car.
“Objectio-Huh?” He woke up, and blinked. “Oh. We’re finally here? Well alright.” We got out of the car, and headed into my office.
Oh. I never said what my job was, did I? I’m a judge here. Yeah, it was going to be a pretty epic case, huh? Luckily I got to judge it; however it was a case with a jury.
Anyway, I went to talk about the case with Feez, and our discussion finished short. Feez knew what he was talking about. I didn’t have to worry about corruption in the court now.
Later, we were all ready… READY FOR SOME PHOENIX WRIGHT COURT ACTION, MAN.
October 27th, 2007, 9:58 AM
Town Court
Judge’s Quarters
Town Court
Judge’s Quarters
I was leaning back in my chair, and was flipping my gavel up and down, all dressed up in my robes. A knock came to my door, and it was the security guard whose name I can’t remember, telling me that it was almost time.
“Time to get this over with. Let’s go.”
Ejsaxdude - October 27, 2007 04:14 AM (GMT)
D: This is great! I must have more!
Guy Phoenix - October 27, 2007 04:34 AM (GMT)
Will Guy Phoenix be found guilty or innocent?! The suspense is killing Guy Phoenix, a.k.a me! I swear, I did not molest that anime! >:
Sero - October 27, 2007 02:23 PM (GMT)
Phantom Zero? And Chibi Goku? DRINKING BUDDIES?!?!??!
Good fic, good fic. I wonder how I'll be put in...
Good fic, good fic. I wonder how I'll be put in...
Tennet - October 27, 2007 03:18 PM (GMT)
O.o Saber....working....in a coffe shop?! O.o honestly i don't think that'd happen or fit her...meh i havne't talked to her as much dunno, i'll go tell her to read this :P lol this is awsome...
SaitoHikari - October 27, 2007 03:30 PM (GMT)
the security guard was me? omgwut? XD
great fic, PZ.
great fic, PZ.
ElecNinja - October 27, 2007 05:48 PM (GMT)
Hilarious work there.
Go EXE drama.
Go EXE drama.
PhantomRiku - October 27, 2007 05:54 PM (GMT)
LULZ.
EXEW court case FTW.
Great work. :]
EXEW court case FTW.
Great work. :]
Orochi Iori - October 28, 2007 04:33 AM (GMT)
This is epic.
:slash:
Saint PhantomZero - November 15, 2007 10:39 PM (GMT)
lol I rushed the last half page of the chapter, I was feeling sick and stuff. Still am actually. Hope you like it anyway.
_______________________
Chapter 2
“Order! Order!” I slammed my gavel, calling the court to start the trial.
“Are the Defense and Prosecution ready?” I looked over at the Defense’s bench, to see one of the really really really old veterans, Saku. I haven’t seen him in a long time, since he got exiled by Sara and I… Well, I don’t know why he’s back but I’ll deal with him later. I already know for a fact that he is stupid.
“The Defense is ready.”
“The Prosecution… has been ready for a while.” I saw Feez grinning; he probably had some tricks up his sleeves.
“Very well. The Prosecution may give their opening statement.”
“Your Honor, the Prosecution will prove, without a doubt that Guy Phoenix has desecrated Gurren Lagann, and… molested the victim in the case in the process of doing so.”
I nodded my head. “…I see. Well, please bring forth the first witness.”
“The Prosecution calls forth a detective to explain the details of the crime. Detective ElecNinja, please come to the stand.”
I laughed silently. I didn’t remember that ElecNinja became a detective. I saw him walk up to the witness stand in the classic-awesome trench coat.
“…Detective, Name and Profession.” Feez smiled.
“Detective Elecninja! I’m obviously a detective, as you’ve been calling me that for a while.”
I was about to tell him to get on with the testimony, when…
“I DIDN’T DO IT I DIDN’T DO IT WAHHHHHH!” I heard Guy Phoenix scream this from the defendant’s chair. Saku smacked him with a book.
“I’m sorry your honor, it won’t happen again.”
”It better not, otherwise I’ll have him held in the contempt of court, if he is innocent. If he’s not then he’ll be flogged like shit anyway. Anyway, before we were interrupted… Detective, please tell us the details of the crime.”
“Yes, sir! It all started on October 29th, at 2:30 PM. The victim, SaitoHikari, was at an appointment for a massage with the accused: Guy Phoenix. For a period of time, Guy Phoenix went missing for about 10 minutes, and came back. It was right then that SaitoHikari was “molested.” The conversation about Gurren Lagann took place prior to his leaving.”
“…Hmm. I see. The does the defense have any objections to this?” I leaned back in my chair, and stifled a yawn.
“…We do not.”
I did a double-take. “What?”
“The defense has no objections, and we will not be proceeding with the cross-examination.”
“…I see. Then, are YOU going to call a witness…?”
”The defense requests that we get right to the point, by calling the defendant to the stand.”
Wow Saku has not gotten any smarter at all. Wow. The request is… granted.
I ordered the Baliff to escort Guy Phoenix to the stand, and he swore him in.
Saku smiled. “Will the Defendant please state his name and profession to the court?”
”Guy Phoenix. Professional Masseuse.”
“…I see. Please tell the court what happened, when you left the room.”
-Where I Went-
“I went to the bar to meet someone. That person must have gotten me drunk, because… well, I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I’m not gay.”
I blinked. “That’s it? Oh, I see. The prosecution may cross-examine the witness.”
Feez ran his hand through his hair. “Gladly.” Nice to see that he was ready for this.
“You said that you went to the bar?”
”Yes.”
I jumped a bit, when Feez pounded the table.
“OBJECTION!” He pointed at Guy and grinned. “You’ve been lying, fag.”
“I-I have not! <3”
“Kamikazelord has given his written statement to the Prosecution, that… you did not once enter the bar on that day.”
“But I did! He’s a lying idiot! <3”
“Objection! Kamikazelord is the bartender. There is no reason why he would not have seen you!”
“Ahhhh!” Guy Phoenix whimpered.
Saku leapt to his defendant’s defense. “Do you have any proof as to where he was, then?”
Feez gave off his signature “Fuck yeah I have proof” pose.
“Of course I do. Well, it’s not exactly proof, per se, but let’s just think about it. The Bar is… 20 minutes away.”
Guy Phoenix bit his lip.
“There’s no way that he could have went there, gotten drunk, and came back to his appointment when it takes 20 minutes by car! And he can’t even drive to begin with.”
“Y-Yes I can! Just because you have no car doesn’t mean I don’t have one.”
This is when I decided to step in. “Enough. You do not have a car, please get back onto the testimony. Defendant, where were you?”
Guy Phoenix started to sob. “Fine! I admit it! I just wanted to make the town look bad before I knew that I was going to get kicked out anyway.” Saku felt downhearted. He just lost because his defendant was an idiot.
Feez frowned though. He wanted to have more fun.
I shook my head and laughed silently. “So Defendant, you admit to all charges pressed against you?”
He looked pretty sad. Eh. “Yes.”
“Then there’s no reason to prolong this trial. I will now hand out my verdict. The Defendant is… GUILTY. This court is adjourned.” I banged my gavel, and I left the courthouse, and started to play Starcraft.
"Damn Zergling Rush."
_______________________
Chapter 2
“Order! Order!” I slammed my gavel, calling the court to start the trial.
“Are the Defense and Prosecution ready?” I looked over at the Defense’s bench, to see one of the really really really old veterans, Saku. I haven’t seen him in a long time, since he got exiled by Sara and I… Well, I don’t know why he’s back but I’ll deal with him later. I already know for a fact that he is stupid.
“The Defense is ready.”
“The Prosecution… has been ready for a while.” I saw Feez grinning; he probably had some tricks up his sleeves.
“Very well. The Prosecution may give their opening statement.”
“Your Honor, the Prosecution will prove, without a doubt that Guy Phoenix has desecrated Gurren Lagann, and… molested the victim in the case in the process of doing so.”I nodded my head. “…I see. Well, please bring forth the first witness.”
“The Prosecution calls forth a detective to explain the details of the crime. Detective ElecNinja, please come to the stand.”
I laughed silently. I didn’t remember that ElecNinja became a detective. I saw him walk up to the witness stand in the classic-awesome trench coat.
“…Detective, Name and Profession.” Feez smiled.
“Detective Elecninja! I’m obviously a detective, as you’ve been calling me that for a while.”
I was about to tell him to get on with the testimony, when…
“I DIDN’T DO IT I DIDN’T DO IT WAHHHHHH!” I heard Guy Phoenix scream this from the defendant’s chair. Saku smacked him with a book.
“I’m sorry your honor, it won’t happen again.”
”It better not, otherwise I’ll have him held in the contempt of court, if he is innocent. If he’s not then he’ll be flogged like shit anyway. Anyway, before we were interrupted… Detective, please tell us the details of the crime.”
“Yes, sir! It all started on October 29th, at 2:30 PM. The victim, SaitoHikari, was at an appointment for a massage with the accused: Guy Phoenix. For a period of time, Guy Phoenix went missing for about 10 minutes, and came back. It was right then that SaitoHikari was “molested.” The conversation about Gurren Lagann took place prior to his leaving.”
“…Hmm. I see. The does the defense have any objections to this?” I leaned back in my chair, and stifled a yawn.
“…We do not.”
I did a double-take. “What?”
“The defense has no objections, and we will not be proceeding with the cross-examination.”
“…I see. Then, are YOU going to call a witness…?”
”The defense requests that we get right to the point, by calling the defendant to the stand.”
Wow Saku has not gotten any smarter at all. Wow. The request is… granted.
I ordered the Baliff to escort Guy Phoenix to the stand, and he swore him in.
Saku smiled. “Will the Defendant please state his name and profession to the court?”
”Guy Phoenix. Professional Masseuse.”
“…I see. Please tell the court what happened, when you left the room.”
-Where I Went-
“I went to the bar to meet someone. That person must have gotten me drunk, because… well, I wouldn’t do that to anyone. I’m not gay.”
I blinked. “That’s it? Oh, I see. The prosecution may cross-examine the witness.”
Feez ran his hand through his hair. “Gladly.” Nice to see that he was ready for this.
“You said that you went to the bar?”
”Yes.”
I jumped a bit, when Feez pounded the table.
“OBJECTION!” He pointed at Guy and grinned. “You’ve been lying, fag.”
“I-I have not! <3”
“Kamikazelord has given his written statement to the Prosecution, that… you did not once enter the bar on that day.”
“But I did! He’s a lying idiot! <3”
“Objection! Kamikazelord is the bartender. There is no reason why he would not have seen you!”
“Ahhhh!” Guy Phoenix whimpered.
Saku leapt to his defendant’s defense. “Do you have any proof as to where he was, then?”
Feez gave off his signature “Fuck yeah I have proof” pose.
“Of course I do. Well, it’s not exactly proof, per se, but let’s just think about it. The Bar is… 20 minutes away.”
Guy Phoenix bit his lip.
“There’s no way that he could have went there, gotten drunk, and came back to his appointment when it takes 20 minutes by car! And he can’t even drive to begin with.”
“Y-Yes I can! Just because you have no car doesn’t mean I don’t have one.”
This is when I decided to step in. “Enough. You do not have a car, please get back onto the testimony. Defendant, where were you?”
Guy Phoenix started to sob. “Fine! I admit it! I just wanted to make the town look bad before I knew that I was going to get kicked out anyway.” Saku felt downhearted. He just lost because his defendant was an idiot.
Feez frowned though. He wanted to have more fun.
I shook my head and laughed silently. “So Defendant, you admit to all charges pressed against you?”
He looked pretty sad. Eh. “Yes.”
“Then there’s no reason to prolong this trial. I will now hand out my verdict. The Defendant is… GUILTY. This court is adjourned.” I banged my gavel, and I left the courthouse, and started to play Starcraft.
"Damn Zergling Rush."
Saito - November 15, 2007 10:49 PM (GMT)
Anti-sage. Marvelous.
Tennet - November 15, 2007 11:27 PM (GMT)
lol you should have Simon come and CGDB him.... awesome-age though... lol KKL bartender... speaking about a car i finally take drivers ed in December...
Dragonsoul - November 15, 2007 11:52 PM (GMT)
Sweet! Court fan-fics are awesome! Plus, it includes Phoenix Wright. Anyways, I'll keep reading!
ElecNinja - November 16, 2007 01:34 AM (GMT)
Since when did I become a detective and a yes-man apparently?
<.<
>.>
Nice job. Though it's been strange. This kind of story happened the last time some "noob" was banned. Except, if I recall, THD was writing it.
Though I wonder who Saku is.
<.<
>.>
Nice job. Though it's been strange. This kind of story happened the last time some "noob" was banned. Except, if I recall, THD was writing it.
Though I wonder who Saku is.
PhantomRiku - November 16, 2007 07:53 AM (GMT)
+1000000 for Lulz and GAR.
*bookmarks for easy access*
*bookmarks for easy access*
Rossebay - November 16, 2007 10:12 AM (GMT)
Lol this is awesome.
EXEW macrossish much?
EXEW macrossish much?
Rae Hiwatari - November 16, 2007 01:13 PM (GMT)
hmm... a theather... wonder how humorous [and romantic, if there's such] it would soon become...