...First off. Please do not laugh at me; I wish to be taken seriously. It is a serious step towards recovery, so I've heard, if I tell others what is going on in my life concerning my psychological status. Secondly... if you believe you are going to laugh at me for this, leave.

Now, to begin. This topic is about the emotional state of my life, currently, and I'd like to know how each of you would handle this sort of scenario. First is this... my grades are suffering tremendously right now. Perhaps I shouldn't be online right now, but perhaps my online friends are the only ones keeping my sanity intact. (Mind you, I don't pour my trust out to people I don't know. I'm not the type to be taken advantage of by some internet predator. <_<)

My academic career starting from the first grade has been a 4.0 GPA, up until I hit my first year of high school. That year, since the classes were so elementary, I didn't bother to do any of my homework, and failed two classes. Those were completely my fault, and I feel the scars even now. Last year, during sophomore year, I could not find a way to scrounge up more than a C or D in all my classes... and now, all I have during Hellion year (also known as Junior year) so far are F's.

My schedule is hellish. I get two hours of sleep per night, mostly due to grade or stress-related insomnia. I am constantly exhausted, and my body has been more susceptable to colds and fevers. I've had ovarian cysts since last year (No getting grossed out, fellas), so my medication isn't making me feel any more sure about myself... not to mention that it makes me drowsy, but my mind permits no sleep. During that time of being half-awake, I always think at night... how hopeless life is, wondering why we believe what we do about ourselves.

Why are we here? Why is it that we, possibly the most barbaric of any species on the planet, have come to rule and destroy where we live? Why is it that I was born into a society full of intolerant, prejudiced people? Am I even here? Is it a dream? What if all this is simply the dream of another? What will happen when I die, whether it be sooner or later?

My precognative dreams will not stop. The ones I tell my friends do not come true, and so I didn't tell one of my friends about a dream where I saw her die...

I went to her funeral yesterday. She was hit by a truck... the same one in my vision.

Stress rules my life now. With my schedule, I do not get home until 8:00 PM, leaving me but two hours to make dinner, eat dinner, do dinner dishes, do five hours' worth of homework, and find time to converse with the people that keep me sane... you guys. After I'm done talking, I feel happier, and might actually get a good night's worth of sleep. And yet, on the nights I do talk, I find myself sacrificing homework time to stay sane. Is it wrong of me to do so?

I find myself on the path of academic suicide. By going online as much as possible to converse with people I can actually relate to, I have come to realize that this is part of the decline in my grades. Even so, I know that I would literally go insane if it weren't for the comfort.

On another note, there's a romantic element, as well. I am firmly set against love, first off. I believe that I'd rather live life with a heart as cold as ice, if it meant never having my heart torn apart mercilessly by a man who wanted me only for my body. Such is my conflict... I have suffered under a case of infatuation with a teen I shouldn't have. He is my friend, the same age as me... but has seen so much more than I have. He leads a gang, and yet lives life in the shadows... no one in his own gang knows who he is, since he talks through a representative.

It wasn't until he got shot that I realized how much I cared... even then, I resisted. I didn't want to have my heart broken, or have it be an awkward silence between friends. He had put on the facade of a normal teenager before breaking the news to us, but I find that only increased my respect for him. I don't know what to do now... don't try, and regret about what would have been, or go for it, and possibly get my heart torn apart. Though I know he would be gentle about it if that were the case, the end result remains the same... my spirit would simply die. That would be my last tie to the world.

For the people who've known me for a while on this site, no, I'm not schizo, despite what some have jested. Though some do not believe me, I have a firm belief that I am a severly bipolar individual... and that I should have nothing to hide. Those who know can choose from there whether or not to accept me for who I am. I'm not the happy-go-lucky girl all the time that you guys may have come to know... no, I'm a pessimistic, depressed person, most of the time.

All this stress... it tears me apart. My body, my mind, my soul are all crying, wishing for it to stop... and yet, when I meet my friends every day, I must hide it all, smiling even though tears threaten to burst from my very heart. I wish to tell them, but fear the consequences... I do not wish to cry before them. Not before him, either.

Every morning, I stare at a razor blade, and must find a reason not to make a fatal cut. That's the bad part of learning Biology down to the letter... you know where a cut will be lethal, and where it will hurt the most. I do not believe in a painless death... I don't deserve it.

I don't know who I am anymore... I'm but a shroud of a person, drenched in the waters of despair and pitched into a chasm of confusion and darkness. I don't know what to do anymore, and so take off the facade I have been wearing for some time to reveal who I truly am... a girl who is happy among friends who trust, while suffering all the while inside for the beast I hold within.

...What do I do? I just... want it to stop.

Whoa... This goes beyond anything I've ever seen. I would suggest you find yourself a tutor, and fast. Try to catch up on your schoolwork. Next, as much as I hate to say this, you need medical attention. A psychiatrist really could do you good. Third, you are yet another individual cursed with the ability to see the future, and the deaths of people you know. It's happened to me.

I just remembered this Tuesday, but I had a dream a few years back of someone dying of cancer. This past September, a boy at my school died when cancer in his leg reached through his spine and into his brain, killing him. Somehow, I invisioned it... Oh well, enough about me. Back to you.

Are you a religious person? Because that decides what I say next.

I'm a screwed-up person. I know this. And yet, I have to keep up a facade of utmost bliss while at school and home... it's hard, let me tell ya. x.x

I've considered visiting a psychiatrist... it's just too expensive. I can't find a job with my schedule, so I can't pay for it. That's why I posted here... to see if anyone can give me some insight, you know? ^_^

I'm... currently confused about religion. I care not what you say. I was a devout Christian for most of my life, but the more I thought about it, the less it made sense. v.v

What is taking up all your time, may I ask? It sound like you live by yourself, but is that possible?

If you don't know, then I will pm you something a wrote when I was pissed wednesday. sara got it, and I think I write my best when pissed.

That... Sounds awful. but I believe that Strike knows what you're going through. It may be easier to say rather than it be done, but try not to dwell on things as much, it makes things seem worse or greater than they actually are. I'm afraid that I actually tend to dwell on things too much myself, even little things, and make myself feel the way you do now. You need a nice group of friends to relate to and express yourself to, they'll understand. My brother is in university now, and things have been hitting him hard in the early going, love sickness, depression, and felt that everything was a living hell. But then he got a few hobbies, and he had an awesome group of friends to support him. Perhaps you can get your schedual a little re-arranged so that it will give you more time to do what you like, as it seems that time is a big problem. Don't take too many courses just for the sake of doing them, take just as many as you need, so that you will have the time to support each one, and at least do well on them, and have enough time to get some rest without the thought of work on your mind.

I've heard someone say one time, that you dream of what you have been thinking of and how you felt that day, so please, take everything in stride, and try not to overwhelm yourself. Do what's best for you, and try to clear things up. I hope everything turns out alright for you, I truly do. Good luck.

GOD!!!! YOU ARE A FREAKING MENTAL CLONE OF ME!!!!
Dang, thats really odd. Almost everything you typed IS me o.o
cept for the ovarian part cause im a guy >.>

edit: also try writing songs, one of the things i do in my spare time. Just write songs about things.

what is your schedule? are there some things that you dont need to do or you can put off untill you get the importaint things done? do you have a trusted adult you can talk to and get advice from?

what entertainment do you surround your self with? try to surround yourself with entertainment that encourages hope joy and happyness (not in relationships).

with your relation ships remember 2 things. first off almost all highschool relationships do not last after high school. second, dont avoid relationship some of us guys care about YOU, not your body.

find a friend that can encourage you and keep your moral up.

I am praying for you.

You don't... have anyone to talk to, do you? I mean, someone you can trust...?

A few things:

Grades. Well, this week, for me, has been one of those weeks in which every damn subject has a test. In 4 days. I took a History test and, as I could not study the weekend before, did horribly. This stressed me out entirely, and I was scared to take another test for a while. To make matters worse, I did horribly on one I took the next day. I'm not used to not knowing things on tests, so it upset me. I came home and pretty much collapsed into tears, the only sympathy I was getting was a "God, Sara, it's only one test" from my brother, and a "You spend too much time on the comp" from my mom. I eventually found someone to talk to about it (online, mind you), and I felt much, much better. That and the crying really helped me.

You seem like one of those "I can't cry because..." types. Just, lock the door to your room, and have a nice cry. Then, come online, or something, and find someone to talk to it about. Having sympathy in such a horrible time, and being helped to recover can do wonders to a girl.

I agree with Strike, though. A tutor would do wonders. Or, just ask one of the geniuses here for help on something you don't understand. We've got like 7. Catching up on your schoolwork first can help rebuild your self-confidence. Everything else would be easy from then on.

About the visions... Wouldn't it be better to tell your friends, or the ones whom it concerns, first? Even if it doesn't occur, at least it will be prevented. Please, accept my sympathies on the loss of your friend, as well. -_-

Don't commit suicide, whatever you do. If you need someone to talk to, anyway, just leave me a PM or something. We've already figured out how much alike we are, yes?


... What kind of a stupid Bio course teaches you which veins will be fatal if you slit them? ... Ick, I just grossed myself out. -_-

yes going and crying is a good thing, not a sissy thing.

crying is a natrual expression used to reduce stress and emotion. ive found when im overly stressed crying helps me sleep.

stay strong. dont kill yourself. like sara said there are a lot of us who would be glad to talk with you.

If you ask me, dont look at the worse things of life. Try to look at the better aspects, be optimistic. Instead of thinging about the bad traits you have, think about the good traits you have.

You see, when I was in 7th and 8th grade, my grades stunk. Maybe even a bit in 9th grade...well my math grade did anyways. Well...I always looked on the downside of things, what will be the consequences of things if I do bad, etc. Well, I dont know what changed me, but I've just been a more socializing, optimistic and happy guy since 10th grade. I figured, well I'm living life to have fun, and I'll do what I deem fun, etc. Well, I dont look at the negative sides of things anymore, and I do great in school! I'm practically stress free, and its alot more easy for me. You just gotta somehow stop worrying, but you'll have to figure a way to stop worrying on your own.

In all, just try to spend more time with your friends and try not to think of the bad stuff. Oh yeah, and try doing something nice or good for someone sometimes to, that makes me happy when I see someone else happy...dont know why either. Hell, I dont even have to study for tests and I get an A on everyone of em.

Dunno if this could help, but err...it helped me. The real answer though, most likely lies in yourself to get the stress off you.

another thing for you school set goals each day. small goal that you know you will be able to accomplish. then slowly make the goal a little bigger. eventualy you will develop good study skills again

(Before I start, I'd like to say that I'm grateful for all your comments. I'll reply honestly, but just know that I'm not spitting on or sneering at your comments. I'm just replying honestly, keeping my... mask, if you will... away from this conversation.)

No, I do not live by myself… that makes it exponentially harder to find time alone for Sara’s recommended cry. I keep up a façade at home, too… which makes me wonder which persona is the real me, and whether the mask has become permanently fused to my soul as a part of who I am.

I have many, many classes... all of which are mandatory. Despite what you may think about my ROP (after school) class, I need to learn how to do so. I got a job offer from a video game design company (which is confidential), and I need to learn... NOW.

1. AP Psychology
2. AP Biology
3. AP US History
4. Honors English 5-6
5. Art and Animation 3-4
6. Geometry C-D (Long story involving no calculator on a final. x.x)
7. Unscheduled! *Sings* (I still have to go back to school, though. <_<)
8. Spanish 5-6

ROP: Video Game Design

All classes take place from 7:45-7:00 every day... urm, night... whatever. It takes anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get home every day, meaning I get home at roughly 8-8:30 PM every night. From there, I have to go to sleep by 11, but fatigue usually sends me off to bed by 10:30. Unfortunately, I traditionally come home with 7 hours of homework per night, not counting my ROP class.

I usually do not sleep until 2 or 2:30, leaving me restless yet exhausted beyond all reason, at the mercy of my own thoughts and regrets, rushing and flashing before my eyes. Every night, I relive the moments that should never have happened, things I should have never done, and curse myself over things I should have done in their stead.

I wake up at 4:00 AM every morning, alarm clock or not. From there, it's a scramble to finish homework I could not accomplish the night before, and to get ready for school. I scramble to make breakfast for myself and my father before waking him up at 6:15, when he drives me to the bus stop.

Well, then there's school. *Shrugs* That's my only Fire Emblem playing time... the time between the end of the bus ride and the start of school.

Kipdog... I've been a pessimist to the utmost extent my entire life, even as a child. It will be hard to think in a new direction, but... I will try.

Sara: I learned about the vein myself, and learned just about everything in the field of human anatomy... during the summer, of course. You see, I'm not stupid... I'm just horrible at getting homework done, due to my schedule. I can argue with my teachers, debate with college professors (I've won a few times, which surprised me. o.o), but I can't seem to get a static test right.

What I mean is, I can't spit out answers for a multiple-question test, but get top scores on college essays I've sent in to be evaluated. I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me in that regard... I'm an artist and an essay writer, but not a multiple-choice test taker.

Unfortunately, 90% of my tests are multiple-choice. x.x Thus is my problem.

Aiscool: I scarcely have time for entertainment. I play Fire Emblem for about a half hour per day, but the rest of my time is dedicated to academics... or my failure in them. x.x I have started playing Fuuin no Tsurugi, but only one chapter a month, at best. I just don't have time, you know?

About the relationships... it's said that 60% of marriages start out in High School. o.o'' Just stating a fact... though I'm certainly afraid of that sort of commitment.

I have friends that help... I just lack the courage to tell them. To break down and cry for what seems to be no reason is simply too much, and what I fear above anything else is confrontation.

I'll try your goal system... perhaps it'll help. ^_^ Thanks, aiscool.

All right... the main question I have is this...

Everyone in my family has graduated from High school. However, due to my academic... urm... performance, I believe it is too late to even hope for such a thing. Should I continue on, and risk disappointing my parents, or take the GED (To leave high school and go straight to college), knowing damn well that I'll pass with flying colors while knowing my parents are firmly against it?

That's what's causing a LOT of stress in my life, right now. Should I screw High School and just go to college, where I can manage my time easier, or should I stick with it, and try to make my parents proud at the price of my sanity? o.o''

I think the thing that really hits me about your predicament is the persona thing, which I've had extensive dealings with. Simply put, I always act more cheerful publically than I really am, and it's rather frustrating sometimes.

Anyway, as a psychiatrist-in-training, it would be my pleasure to try and help you with your troubles. I think I can sympathize with a lot of your problems, especially the bipolar part... but that's not really relevant.

So... my advice, then.

My general advice is to look through your entire life and find out what the single biggest trouble is. I've found that if you look carefully enough you can always see there's one cause that can then be dealt with. Offhandedly, yours seems to be a lack of time and an overabundance of stress. You can probably deal with this with some restructuring of your schedule, and if you ever need help with homework, who's to say you can't ask us?

As for your visions, tell about the important ones and ignore the others. If they don't listen to you, either try to convince them (if it's a life or death matter) or just forget about it. Again, the less stress the better.

When it comes to love, I've found that being heartless is remarkably helpful. It... helps somewhat, though obviously it costs too. If you can stand it, though, I think you should try and stay with what you're doing now. I'd rather you not end up... totally cold.

As for religion, well... personally I don't like organized religion. That does not mean, however, that I do not believe in God. I do, but I have faith as opposed to religion, and it has helped me considerably. Even if your faith is in doubt, is it really so hard to still stick by the lessons of the faith? And I'm not talking about lessons like "gay people are sinners" or "abortion is unholy," I'm talking about lessons like "love thy neighbor as yourself" and much more positive things.

It's late, my house isn't heated, I'm not dressed particularly warmly, my restless leg syndrome is acting up, and my hands are shivering; but if you'd like further help I'd be glad to give it. I suppose it's a personal philosophy of mine - there's a hell of a lot of suffering in the world, and if you can relieve even a little bit of it you've done something good. One of my more positive tenets of life, if you ask me.

EDIT: And above else... no suicide. Suicide is a terrible, terrible thing to do, and, pardon me for my callousness, a goddamn cowardly thing too. I've, erm, considered the matter and concluded that it's infinitely preferable to live, suffer, and fight through it than die and be at peace. Why? Well...

Biggest trouble...? Le sigh... how'd I know it'd come to this...

Strike, you don't mind if I quote the PM I sent, do you? It would help reveal my relationship problems, at least.

Well. That's the basis of my relationship problems. x.x

For academics... how the hell do I cram 7 hours of work into 4 without leaving some incomplete? For chrissakes, I have no outside social life on the weekends because of the 8-10 hours of work that we have to do on weekends. :o

Hmm. Nasty relationship problems. Must come with living in California. Eh, that was a terrible joke.

I... I'm afraid I really can't help you with the relationship problems. Why? Well, it should be pretty obvious; I'm a guy, and as a result I don't get molested. I really don't know what I can say to you about that. As for the love being superficial bit... Yeah. Definitely. Most definitely. What can you do about it, though? You can either stay away from it or dive right into all the superficiality. Me, I stay away. Why don't you tell more people about Aron? What are you afraid of? How about your parents; why not try them?

Ugh. Fear of confrontation. What can you do about it? You can't keep running forever, and the longer you run the worse the confrontation will be when it finally comes.

Again, with academics... if you have sympathetic teachers, talk with them. If you don't, talk with us and we'll help. I'm generally lukewarm about homework help, but I'd be a bastard if I didn't help in such a situation.

What's this about the end of the world?

(And... sorry if my advice isn't particularly comforting. That's just not my thing. A harsh world requires a harsh mindset.)

Kurai, I will say this again. You have to open up. Tell your parents what your going through, they can be your support system, let your teachers know that you can't all this extra work, fill your friends in, and tell this asshole Aron to stay away from you. (maybe kick him in the groin :( Owwie.). Also, is there any way that you can tell this video game design business that you can't handle your school work, and maybe they could let you leave earlier, say 6:00ish instead of 7? I think that would help you. Overall, I'll say it again, make a leap of faith. Be courageous enough to turn around your life.

Yeah, I'm being rational for once. I know, weird.

On the entire graduating- G.E.D. thing, I'd say GED for the simple reason that it would make you happier. A lot of kids feel pressured by thier parents to succeed how they(parents) did. This drives many to suicide I think. Let your parents know, they'll probably understand. If they love you they'll understand.

It seems like a time where many changes and adaptations are required. It's time to change all of that and turn things around, if others can live comfortably throughout High School and maybe even College/University, then so should you. You don't deserve to be putting yourself through such torment and despair, and to be living behind something, you need to do something about it now. You won't get answers until you ask questions, you will not recieve support until the people you trust are aware of your issues.

About your schoolwork, you have to get it done. It is mandatory. What you may need is a tutor, or some friends to give you a hand. My brother would always do that, he'd schedule study groups, and everyone would prosper from it. Even some of his firends who weren't doing quite as well improved drastically from what they say. With a group of minds working together, there shouldn't be much that you cannot do. Just try not to feel that you are alone, because you are definately not. Also, is procrastination a case here? It is much more relaxing to know that you have the work done days ahead of it's deadline (trust me I know, and i'm younger than you x.x). What I do now is that I do my assignments as soon as I have time, and usually have a teacher check it out for errors. This increased my grades tremendously.

About Aron, you need to get away from him. If you are not comfortable being around him, then you have to tell him that you are not his girlfriend. The longer he knows that you are, the more closer to you and probably sexual he will become. The odds of you and him going to the same college without eachother knowing is pretty slim anyways...

Being more mature than myself for sure, i'm sure you'll pull through. Do not hide from your problems, because if you don't do something about it, the procrastination continues, only in this case, it's with your life and happiness, not your schoolwork.

Destin, the problem is not that she puts off the work, but that she has no time.

I agree with Strike on every sense....please find help...one of my friends had the same problem and tried to kill themselves...they're now in a medical institution and no one can see them...last time their parents went to go see them they attacked them with a knife they stole from the cafeteria....I don't want anyone else to experience that...please, don't not try to kill yourself, and try and fix your problems without causing more...

Kurai, Aron harrassed you. Either that, or molested. Both are punishable by law, at least in Canada. I'm sure Americans wouldn't let that go easy. The longer you keep it in, the longer it will torment you. Please, tell some adult, preferably your parents. "Aron" will not get any better, trust me. He may go on to molest other girls, and perhaps turn into one of those big mean guys that us girls are always fearing. You need to stop him, now. Report him to the police, or something.

Opening up will be hard. Letting guys touch you will be hard, as well. All victims of molestation have the same problems you do. They lose their self-confidence immensely, and turn towards the same viewpoints as you: that men only lust, and don't love. Guys don't all think that way. Many feel the same way we do. I'd suggest that after Aron is no longer a problem, to start from square one again. Just try minor things, like hugging, and try as much as possible to keep from running. You just ran into a bad apple; I'm sure your other friends aren't that way. If you explain your state, I'm sure that they'll be understanding. Secrets like this aren't meant to be kept.

As for the crying part, do you have your own room? If so, do you have a locked door? These things come in handy all the time for such scenarios. If you don't (like me), I find an ideal crying time to be right before, or during, showers. No one can see you, there, and, they couldn't hear you over the water.

Aron seems to be the biggest cause over all of this. After he's gone, you can focus more on your work, and such. Like strike said, speaking to your teachers for extra help usually helps. Teachers get paid to teach things, and, if you don't understand, they're not doing their job.

Hope this helps -_-

From the looks of it to me, your anti-social. Whether it was caused by this Aron guy or not, it doesn't really matter. I tend to be anti-social to an extent myself. I find the best policy is to ignore people. Pay no heed to those in the halls, and try to focus on thinking something. I tend to think about philosophy. Think of your body as more of a husk than yourself. Then it won't be so easily defiled.

I can understand your schoolwork problem as well. I tend to have that many hours of homework myself. I advise dropping the video game design thing. You can learn to do that in college if that is truly what you decide to do. Also, try to make your schoolwork your hobby. I'm naturally a stress-free, absentminded, person who is into studying. However, if you get into your work, it will be more like free-time for you, and it will be far less stressful. Also, try adjusting your diet. If you eat healthy, you probably won't be as tired, even on a few hours of sleep. If you drop the job, and adopt a better attitude to the massive amounts of work you have to do, I think you will be much happier.

Concentrate on your school work. Get a tutor like Strike said.. and for everything else... just... go with the flow. Honestly, that's the best advice I have. Suicide is stupid, don't go for it. Live the life you have, and don't let all the crappy shit that happens weigh you down. Just go with it.

That sucks ass. Uh, use www.sparknotes.com, or get a tutor.

Wow, serious stuff! Unfortunately I have no advice at the moment.

I'd say drop some classes if you can. Unless you're some kind of superperson, like this girl I know who can manage to take 7 AP exams in one year, don't try it. It's not worth the effort. My best recommendation if you really must take these courses is to drop them now and find some way to make it up during the summer or something. 8 hours of sleep sounds like a luxury but it's actually a necessity for peace of mind and taking control of your life.

About love, it seems superficial but it isn't. Everyone deserves someone (except for those who consciously hold malice and evil intentions for others). But, the most important thing about love is respect. Two of my best friends have been going out (last Thursday was their one year anniversary) and I know that they love each other more than the world but it's easy to see that they respect each other as much as they do love. Find someone who respects you for you before you even consider the fact that he loves you for you.

Hm... your first paragraph, minus the last two sentences, has already been applied. ^_^ I believe my body to be a temporary haven... something that I can, hopefully, someday shed. I'm not all too fond of my body, and yet some people tend to think otherwise... but never mind that. The thought of the body as a husk... I'll certainly try that one.

I have no job, surprisingly. If I did, I'd be at a psychiatrist right now, figuring out what the hell is wrong with me for a couple hundred bucks an hour. x.x

Hiei- I'm not stupid. ^_^ I just have no time to do my work. Sparknotes is my dear friend. :lol:

Axem: What can I drop, though? :mellow: My counselor won't let me out of the class I'm struggling most with, English (Scoff at me if you want. I can write, I just have no reading comprehension skills... x.x), due to the fact that it's an Honors class. My Video Game Design class... well, I really need it for a transcript. I want to apply to a college out-of-country... Japan, specifically... and I have to take this class for two years in order to even have my application looked at. Unfortunately, I can't take that during the summer... just during the school year.

My History class is easy, but hell, there's a LOT of homework. x.x So, I can ace the class while in the actual class, but homework... there's my problem. Same principal applies for the rest of my classes, basically...

Well, Spanish is really hard, but it's a mandatory class. There's nothing I can do about that one.

About love... I don't feel like I deserve his respect. He can aim so much higher than me, and yet he still respects me for who I am. Unfortunately... he did the same thing my other friend did, and hugged me for just too long today… I find myself nervous around him now, even though I know I shouldn't be. I can't quell the fear for a while, but am afraid he might leave while I struggle to fight my fears into submission. This is why I'm afraid of love... if I truly love someone, and they get too close, I am the one who shrinks away, and involuntarily, at that.

He respects me, and I have no idea why.

I feel guilty for making him go through that. I don’t deserve his respect, his affections, or his love if I’m going to tear his heart and mine apart with my fear. I’d rather go through life alone than to hurt the one I care for. Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want to experience heartbreak… another reason for my lack of commitment. Is that so terrible? I simply wish to never hurt another, while keeping my heart safe as well. No amount of regret will ever amount to the pain of heartbreak.

Ah, fear/lack of commitment. I suffer from that too. I think the best solution is to just avoid commitment in the first place for a while, then slowly build your confidence with small things at first and work up towards the big commitments.

Quit. Being. So. Stubborn. We can't help you if you aren't willing to change anything! Kurai, something has to go, and at the rate you're going, it'll be you sooner than later.

Those dreams that you have.. I have those as well.. Your not alone here ^_^

And strike manages to make himself look like a complete asshole once again. No offense.

Well... my advice is.. find something that helps you concentrate. For me.. in class I usually listen to music. It drowns out everything except the music. So you dont get disracted easily. And.. yeah..

no suicide! NO!! Never! I have thought of it before.... but I never went throught iwth it *phew* Come on.. its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And I agree with mega_dude, go with the flow. And for this dude that touched you and stuff. Tell. Now. It'll tear you up inside before it gets any better.

EDITL Heres a quote I use that always helps me.. C'est la vie ^_^

Complete offense taken. I've been kind long enough. She has to hear that.

I agree. What's the point of telling her all this if she isn't going to change?

It's also funny that Gaara has the character 'Ai' which means love on his forehead.

That's complete and total spam AT.

Thatnk you AG.

Hm... change. All right. Thank you, Strike... I needed that jolt. ^_^

First job on the agenda... make goals... will that help?

Well, not necessarily. If you set a goal and dont complete it, you might get disappointed with yourself. If you do set goals, start out with easy ones and work to the higher ones.

if you set a goal (almost no matter what size) and complete it. it becomes a large boost of moral. also it gets you to acomplish the goal(s) quicker if you think of them as goals to accomplish...if that makes sense... another help for goals is to make a to do list.

:blink: Oh geeze, now I feel bad for trying to encourage you into that relationship...

At any rate, everyone here has some great tips advice for you, Kurai. And, let me just add a little of mine, if it hasn't been by someone else already...

First of all, I saw the innuendos towards suicide a few times. Now, I just did a speech on teenage suicide, so I can properly say NO. No one should ever consider killing themselves. All problems can be solved with a helping hand. Suicide is, pardon me if I am being redundant, NEVER an option. Sure you might think suicide might end the suffering, but you don't know that for sure! Successful suicide doesn't just end the victim's life, you know. Everyone who was close to you will be severely hurt as well. I am certain we'd all (though I shouldn't speak for anyone but myself) be extremely depressed if you were to kill yourself.

Your academic aspirations are very high. But do know that there is only so much one human being can do. If you can, you really should consider dropping some classes. We don't want you burning yourself out.

Lastly, your relationship. If it was the one I'm thinking of, I apologize for even considering encouraging you. But you know, that was just one person. As I've always heard people say: There's plenty more fish in the sea. Maybe you don't want to be particularly close with any men in the near future, so be it. That doesn't mean you can't have a few close friends. And you should talk with your friends and relatives about your problems. Don't worry, they don't bite.

Now, for a lighter recap. Open up to your parents. Drop some classes, and make some "you" time. And if you commit suicide, I'm coming in after ya, alright?

P.S.: Sorry this is so late... My computer's hard drive wasn't the only thing sick about it...

:blink: What does that mean?

And strike, I was just pointing out an interesting bit of hypocrisy in your sig.