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Time flies like the wind Fruit flies like bananas |
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"There’s no 'I' in team Grif" "Yea there’s no 'U' either; I guess if I'm not on the team and Ur not on the team; nobody's on the god dam team, the team sucks!" |
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"Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts" |
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No matter how bad things might seem they cant be any better they cant be any worse because that’s the way things fucking are and you better get used to it nancy quit your bitchin -Church |
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"Can you shake them?" "Major this is a dropship, it doesn’t shake, it drops." |
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The body is but a vessel for the soul, A puppet which bends to the soul's tyranny. And lo, the body is not eternal, For it must feed on the flesh of others, Lest it return to the dust whence it came. Therefore must the soul Deceive, despise, and murder men. -A.J. Durai- |
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"The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance." |
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Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife--chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now, it's complete because it's ended here." |
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Sixty men all lost at sea all of them drunk except for me twas i who had to face the storm with nothing in sight to keep me warm yo ho ho ho over the raging sea we go yo ho ho ho were ever the four winds blow! |
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How to Leave the Planet 1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713)483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible. 2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House--(202)456-1414--To have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA. 3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try. 4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible. 5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives. |
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Volke: You there, in the bushes. You have until the count of five to show yourself before I start throwing sharp objects. One... two... four... |
| QUOTE (Jeremiah) |
| It's like finding hay in a needlestack. |
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| "What happened to the ship!?" "Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin. "And what happened?" pressed Ford. "It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold |
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The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels. A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with |
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| Mal: Mercy is the mark of a great man. *Stabs his opponent* Mal: Guess I'm just a good man. *Stabs him again* Mal: Well, I'm all right. . . . Sir Warrick: You didn't have to wound that man. Mal: Yeah, I know. It was just funny. |
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| Wash is playing with plastic dinosaurs.] Wash [as Stegosaurus ]: Yes. Yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… "This Land.". Wash [as Allosaurus ]: I think we should call it "your grave"! Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Ahh! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Wash [as Allosaurus]: Har har har! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die! [The Allosaurus attacks the Stegosaurus.] Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Ohhh, no, God! Oh, dear God in heaven! |
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* McLeod and Ramirez resurrect in a morgue after being shot at by the entire security detail of the Power Factory. They proceed to compare how many times each has been shot. McLeod: 108. Ramirez: I win. I count 112 bullet holes! McLeod: You're not counting that scratch! Ramirez: Scratch?! It went right through my lung! |
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| There's a fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think I walk that line everyday of my life. |
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| And there Hung the Vogon Ship in same way that a brick does not |
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| You are a good person, and people say good things about you |
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| MY NAME IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE! AND I HATE BABIEEEEESSSSSS |
| QUOTE (My Sister) |
| Keep your tounge in your pants |
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| It was 'on display' in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of Leopard" |
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| His own major intestine, in a desparate attempt to save life and civilization, leaped straight up through his neck and throttled his brain |
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| If there's anything more important than my ego running around, I want it caught and shot now |
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| Arthur stamped around in a huff, and then decided that a whale's graveyard was not on the whole a good place ti stamp around in |
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| They're a pretty nasty heathen lot up there who should just be smashed and done in, and would be too, if anyone could work out a way of firing missiles at right angles to reality |
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| They know of at least 5983 better places to be than New York, and that's just on the same latitude |
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| The famous Herring Sandwich experiments conducted by MISPWOSO (the Maximegalon Institute of SLowly and Painfully Working Out the Suprisingly Obvisious) |
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| Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better! |
| QUOTE (legoroy2 @ May 16 2006, 02:14 PM) | ||
-Bush |
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| "It must be a bill. It has lots of numbers. |
| QUOTE (sara13987 @ May 16 2006, 04:57 PM) |
| I thought is was "budget", Valter. "Rarely is the question asked: 'Is our children learning?' " -- Bush |
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| On Maybe You Should Just Give Up Game show host Alex Trelinksi: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinksi: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Bernidorm. Trelinksi: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In what country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry I don't know. Trelinksi: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. BBC Midlands Late Show |
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| On His Pants Must Be Huge! Examination of genitalia reveals he is circus-sized. recorded on a hospital medical chart, as reported by Nursing magazine |
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| On Gender Comfusion, Presidential We had a chance to visit with Teresa Nelson who's a parent, and a mom or a dad. President George W. Bush |
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| On We Bet You Never Saw This Subtitle Before No! I saw a vomiting crab. English subtitle in a Hong Kong kung-fu movie |
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| On Things Not To Say During National Library Month One of the great things aobut books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. President George W. Bush |
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| On Food For Ultime Carnivores Grilled Maitre d'Hotel Steamed Children w/ Green Onion and Ginger (Half) Tenderloin of Pork Merchant, Vegetables menu items from Bali, Hong Kong, and Thai Airways |
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| 2B, or not 2B, that is the equation. |
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| If thou cries in front of thou's kinsmens, thou is surely gai. .-. -Shakespere secret quotes to fight bullies |
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Thief:I go and check what he has on himself. GM:You find nothing that's outside. Thief:I go through his pockets. GM:You find nothing. Thief:I search some more. GM:He has some deep pockets... Thief:I search even more. GM:You find something long, soft and dangly. Thief:I take it out. GM:It's stuck. Thief:I rip it out. |
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Ike: I want you to eat with the group at least one meal a day. Volke: Pay me 200 a meal. Ike: Your making me pay you to eat!? |