I'm having an extreme problem.
Every time I ask a girl out, she says no. I know I'm not repulsive, I'm good-looking, and I'm a nice guy. My issue is that every time I ask a girl out and get rejected, I fear more and more I'll become gay. Why? Everyone I know calls me gay despite the fact I'm 100% straight. I need some help and some guidance. Why do girls refuse me? Why do I fear going crooked? Why?
I thank you for any advice I can get.

Step one... be friends with the girl first... and after a few weeks/months ask her out... depending on if she likes you more and more each time. Try and be super nice to them... and remember... there's a special someone for everyone... could be a guy in your case... hopefully not... but could be...

I'm friends with almost every girl I've asked out.

All right. First off, allow me to ask you a few questions. While I've never gone through that sort of situation myself (All the guys I've liked and could realisitically go out with were gay, so... ^^''), I'm pretty sure I can help.

1. Do you know them, or are you known to them as, 'some guy'? In other words, are you at least acquainted? o.o (Swooshed. x.x Don't answer that.)

2. How do you ask them out? I've heard some lame pickup lines before, and those are the biggest guarantee when it comes to losing a date.

3. Do you ooze arrogance? In other words, are you so confident in your looks and personality that you simply make them feel uncomfortable? Overconfidence can be felt by others, you know. ^^''

4. On the opposite side of that, are you too shy? If so, chances are they'll laugh at you and call you cute, but won't accept your offer.

Now. Onto the next issue.

Fearing that you're 'going crooked' is a normal part of life at some point in time (Now, don't lie, folks. You've questioned your sexuality once or twice in the past, I'd bet. Not recently, maybe, but sometime in your past.); it's part of figuring out your own sense of individuality. It's your way of trying to establish who you are in the world.

If you like girls, that's fine. If you like guys, go ahead. If you like both, you just get a bigger portion of the population. XD Just think of it that way. You'll feel better, knowing there's a lot more fish in the sea, no matter which way you turn. ^_^

My god. I'm gonna be honest with you, Gir. You're not going to get anywhere with a teenage girl by being Mr. Niceguy. You're nice, you're sweet, and you get stuck in the friend zone. That's something you don't want. If you like the girl that way, at least. Don't be an ass, though. Just tease her. I'm not saying call her fat, but if she does or says something that doesn't make sense, poke a joke about it. If she laughs, milk it for the best. If she hits you, milk it for the best. If she gets angry, keep laughing at her, but apologize. Oh, and don't be afraid of physical contact. If you want her attention, don't yell at her, [gently] grab her arm, or [gently] tap her on the shoulder. Even go as far as touching the small of her back[that's the area in between her shoulder blades and her ass]. To quote Will Smith in Hitch, "Too high says 'I just wanna be friends', but too low says 'I just wanna grab me some ass'".

What the hell kind of advice is that?! :blink: That kind of advance will scare many a girl off. Well, it does for me, anyways. No touchie. Touching is bad unless I know you really well... and even then. Hugs at most. x.x

Well, I guess I'm a bad example, considering I've been in situations where I've been... touched. x.x

Bah. Try your luck if you want. Just be tentative, and not too forward. You'll scare her away, if you do that too insistently.

Actually, Kurai, I agree with you. I haven't been in a situation, but I don't like being touched. Hugs are great, but just not touching. -_-

I'd advise not giving up. Although... May I ask how many girls you've asked out, and how far apart those askings have been? I know of a guy who asked out nearly ever girl in his class within a week. We all just viewed him as pathetic, and no one gave him a chance.

It's all in the confidence bro.

Sara, Kurai... you girls are liars, straight up. Girls love a little contact with a guy they think is hot.

"You girls" isn't the right way to put it. We're all different. I usually won't pull away if someone touches me, but I'll get uncomfortable and sometimes blush. I've got a guy friend who tends to grope my arm everytime he laughs, so, I kind of dislike contact. -_-

...Have you ever been touched without your consent? It makes a girl feel vulnerable and horrible, as a matter of fact. x.x Don't do it, Gir. She'll run from you if you do that.

Especially if it wasn't wanted.

A boyfriend going too far is one thing; the relationship can be patched up with an apology and time. Someone you don't like going to far... it feels almost like being raped. x.x It's a violation of privacy and space.

I just meant you two when I said "you girls", ;P

Going too far, and flirting a bit are two different things. When you feel violated, you obviously don't like the way the guy looks in the first place, or he been hold on too long/hard.

If you're afraid you'll become gay, you will. The fact you even consider it is odd.

Nawwww. Hormones can be confusing as fuck.

:unsure: Well, I've asked out a lot of girls, all from my class. Except one, who my friends set me up with. Two of the girls from my class I've asked out twice. One was two years apart, one was four months. The most I've done was four girls within a period of four months, two being the same girl. I have liked almost every girl in my class, but I was young, didn't ask them out, and got over them in a day. Not important.

Yes, it's important.

If you've asked out every girl in your class, well... I can't find a really nice way to put this. Girls will tell other girls stuff. They tell them who asked them out, and all that. If you ask out that many in the same class, they'll view you the same way the girls in my class viewed "Jimmy": wanting a girlfriend but not caring who the hell it is. That's not a good place to be...

My advice is to tone it down for at least a few months.

I'm not gonna see them again anyway. We all graduated 8th grade and are going to High School.

Romance. :lol: :lol: :lol:

You are probably feeling lust, especially if this was/is in middle school.

I'm not really an expert into this whole love stuff. However, what kind of "group" do you belong in? Even if you're friends with the girl, if you're in the "nerds" group or "goth" group or wierdos like that, you're gonna have difficulties asking a girl out if they'd be ashamed of being with you.

I have to agree with King a little though. A little physical contact could probably be good, but limit it to friendly touches unless you want a kick in the groin. (Yes, it has happened to me.)

If you've been asking around a lot in a short time, you better tone down for a while. Generally, girls don't like players.

That sounds familiar. T.T

I've read everything stated and here is all I have to say. Gir...your rushing it, plain and simple. Your craving for attention like a fat kid craving for some chocolate. That is the statement and here is the guess. maybe you developed a reputation as an "attention seeker" and in the inner workings of relationship...that's pretty bad. It will get much worse in highschool by the way.

ok... dude, you're definitely rushing things... I've had people call me gay plenty of times, but I ain't... Don't worry about that first of all. Second of all, don't go around asking every girl you see out... you don't love them... you lust for them... different story. Most of the girls I can say I've been in love with, sex hasn't really come to mind... But I digress... you are too young to start worrying about this shit too much. I don't worry about it. If I end up having a girlfriend any time soon, flippin awesome, but I'm not gonna kill myself over it... Bleh, if you preoccupy yourself with this kinda stuff, you're gonna miss out on the best time of your life, your youth... you're gonna get old real fast... just don't worry about it...

Another thing too is wait for a girl to ask you. I know it sounds weird, but I've had the girl ask me before I asked her. It works out both ways cuz you wanted to and now you know that she wanted too. Or ask a girl to ask the person for you. There's nothing wrong with having someone ask for you. Just take your time. You have a lot of life left man. Just take it easy.

I'd say keep your asking out to a bare minimum and really take it easy for a while. Guys who ask out and go out with a lot of girls [even if you do get rejected] are looked at as players or as totally desperate. Probably not a state anyone wants to be seen as.

And as was discussed earlier, don't physcially come onto her. Or on purpose, anyway. I've had quite a few friends almost push me into some guys...[in a nice way]...but yeah. Also, try not to get too caught up on one person. There's lots of people out there.

Really think about it before you ask someone out. Is it just to have status as a girlfriend, do you really like her, and if not, I would decide against it. Everyone has feelings.

Remember, people talk. A lot.

Or like Myles said, wait for a girl to ask you out. I've seen it happen before, and it's not impossible, though it takes a lot of time and courage [and nerve].

We are talking about dumb*** idiot who can't ask a girl out. Shouldn't the girls help him, rather then us. In all of mankind history no man/boy has ever understood girls.

Darkhero, I could not understand a word of that post besides the last line.

We can't give you rules to follow about girls. "Yes" could mean "no", but sometimes it actually means "yes", you know? Girls are only hard to figure out if you don't listen to them.

We are talking about you? :S

Can you read? He has asked a lot of girls out.

Just because you get rejected doesn't mean your gonna be come gay. Don't worry about when people call you gay.Screw them,if your happy with yourself then,Good for you. Like a few other people said, take a break from asking out. Enjoy being young.

Also,some other people mention this too,I think,but don't go asking out every girl out,that you see.Also when you do ask a girl,just be yourself,I think I metion this you before.Just tone in down in the whole hyperness thing Kay? Thats all I got.

I would say your first problem is, judging by your posted birth date and the fact that you graduated from Middle School, that you're too young. Far too young, in my opinion. 13, 14... I think you need to deal with one thing at a time.

I realized half-way through this that most of you out here are 15 or younger. And that's fine. But I think that, physically and emotionally, there is enough confusion, as it's been said, without involving relationships like this yet. So you like them. Good. But I wouldn't act upon it too much, just because it's easier.

I think part of you really wants to have a girlfriend simply to get the crowd off your back about being gay. Maybe not, but I could see having a girlfriend as "proof" to give to the others that you are who you claim to be. And I agree with Kurai; I don't blame you in the least for questioning. With a natural drive to be accepted being deeply rooted in all of us, it's only normal for you to either be gay to appease the crowd or assert what you know and feel to appease yourself. It's an interesting - and by no means simple - divide.

I think your fear of becoming gay may be because you sense that you're conforming to what the crowd says you are simply to fit in... but conforming to their opinion of who you are is violating your own sense of self. You see that being gay is not what you want, but perhaps notice yourself wishing you might be just to have them leave you alone, for them to accept you.

It's really rough that others are changing your sexuality for you - that sounds awkward... It's not fair that others are deciding who you are without really considering who you say you are. Having others place labels on you like that is impossibly difficult. I say again, it's perfectly normal for their pressure to start to affect you, but since it's clearly not what you want to be, you get a ton of internal conflict.

---

My initial advice was leave it all alone; romance is impossible at any age, and your transition into high school - academically, socially, physicall, and emotionally - will be rough enough without trying to balance someone else's heart with your own. Think about it: the more someone loves you, the more they trust that you will care for their emotions; they trust that you won't break their heart. That's a heavy burden, my friend, one that I think you could do without for a year or two. Or 5, like me.

But I also can definitely see how leaving romance out of the picture makes you more succeptable to the pokes and jibes of the crowd. ... you could just sue/suspend those who insult you. If it's anything like my school, you could report that others are calling you gay; in most social settings, that would probably be said and brushed off like calling them an idiot. But in your case, it's clearly causing stress, self-doubt, and confusion that you just don't need. As a school, the establishment is first and foremost for educating you, and that means removing any obstacles to your learning. That includes the gay-calling. It's something that bothers you and is causing a lot of stress, so if you brought that to the attention of the school staff, they might be able to help you get the others to leave you alone.

---

I'm going to go back to something I said before. When you love someone, and they love you, each of you is giving the other your heart, your emotional well-being. It is very easy for one person or the other to hurt that, though. If your intentions or her intentions are not to love, cherish, and care for/about the other, then someone stands at risk of being hurt. --- You need to be sure that that's why you date them. If it's because you want to be in love, or because you want attention, or because you want others to stop calling you gay, you stand at a great risk. You must be sure you love because you love that person, and no other reason. --- The other girls maybe have seen your emotional instability lately - I don't know if you've been outward about it or not, but I'd imagine anyone could tell if being called gay day in and day out was bothering someone. Perhaps they are too afraid to give their heart to you just yet. And it's not that they don't trust you. It could be that they don't want your heart just yet, or anyone's, for that matter.

If they say yes, then they are given a part of your heart, a part that they give to you as well, perhaps. That responsibility is something that many people just aren't ready for; I'm 18 and I'm not ready for it. Mature? Very. But nothing hurts more than unreturned or uncherished love. So the problem might not be you at all; it could be that they aren't ready for you, even though you are.

Once, I really liked one of my friends my Sophomore year. We were friends in 8th and 9th grade, but the more time I spent with her, the more I liked her. I eventually asked her to do things with me - and others. Try that, try to start with group things that the girl would come to, too, so that you can be with her without being alone with her, and thus start slowly. Back on topic... I would ask her to different things and such, and I really liked her. When one of her friends heard me say how much I liked her, she said, essentially, "She should have told you this a long time ago, but she doesn't like you like that." I was very hurt, of course, but not totally shaken.

I realized, in years later, as she is my best friend now, that she has certain things that hold her back from dating others. She has a premonition that she has to be able to vaguely see herself married to that person to date them. Ie, if she couldn't see herself married to a smoker, she couldn't date one; she just couldn't. It makes sense to me, anyways. I actually fit into her ideal husband fairly well (...?...!), but my point is that there are certain things about others that, no matter how perfect you are, can keep others from returning your feelings. As I learned from her later, she liked me too, but she wasn't ready for that responsibility yet, either. I thought I was, but I was mistaken. So her rejection was altogether not the result of who I was, but who she was.

I'm not saying that it's never your fault, that every girl thinks you're amazing but is too scared of dating to accept. I'm just saying that it's not just because they think you're icky or gay or whatever. It's not your fault, nor is it theirs.

---

So what am I saying overall?

1) You might want to ask the school for help in getting others to leave you alone.
2) Realize that you're young, and have a lot of time ahead of you.
3) You're not gay, even though they say so.
4) It's nothing to fear overly much that you find yourself becoming more so because they say so. You know who you want to be, you know who you are. The pressure of others naturally will cause you to change in small ways, but it will not be enough to actually affect your sexuality.
5) It's not necessarily something you're doing wrong if a girl says no. It could be her own fears or premonitions, too.
6) Be prepared - although you never can fully - for the responsibility of someone's heart before you take it. Be sure you love them for who they are, and no other reason.

7) Most of all, best wishes. I empathize with so much that you say, and I can promise you it will be harder in high school. But you will grow stronger with it, so in time you will be ready. If you have the patience and the time to calmly sift through this, you will in time be much stronger than your situation, enough so that you can see all of it clearly, including the proper path for you. You are young; take your time.

And good luck. We all wish you well.

My god. Beethoven, honestly, if you take anybody's advise here, take mine.

[PONDYISM #1]Girls don't like guys that are pussies, they have their own to worry about.

Honestly, when I say "physical contact", I don't mean to grab one of her..."twins" at the first chance. I mean what I said in my first post...shoulder, back, simple stuff like that. The fun stuff comes later. Also, how close of a friend you are to a girl has a huge affect. If you consider a "friend" somebody that you're comfortable talking to, then you could consider your doctor your friend. A friend is a person that'll bail you out when you get in trouble. A best friend, however, is the person in the cell next to you saying "Dude, that was awesome.", whether it's a male or a female. When a female becomes your best friend, you know you've got something.

"Romance issues" posted on gaming forums make me cry. :"( :"( :"(

That's true, but he needs our help.


...I have no further advice though. sorry. I'm no mentor at this topic.

As strange as it sounds, I could never see myself going out with a best friend. Try that route if you want to, but if other girls are like me, they'll see you as a brother more than as boyfriend material. Despite the fact that I read Angel Sanctuary, I don't think I'll take Sara's route with Setsuna; in other words, even if a guy was a good friend, I wouldn't go out with him, simply because it'd feel like incest! :o

I hope that's a Kurai-only problem, though. o.o

I'm not saying to go up to a random stranger and start hitting on them. I'm just saying that, after becoming comfortable friends, make your intentions known. At that point, they shouldn't see you as a sibling of sorts, and you both have an opportunity to work past the problem if your feelings aren't returned. By the time you're best friends, recovering from a blow like that might take... a little more time. If that's the case, distance yourself a bit, so you don't make her uncomfortable; if she knows you like her, and she doesn't like you like that, but you still keep approaching her in a touchy-feely state, things get really uncomfortable really fast. x.x

Just speaking from experience. ^_^

She's right... I've had the same experience... -_-... It SUCKS. Sure, being the big bro's kinda nice sometimes... but dude, when you're trying to get with a girl, and you're the big bro type... just hope she's a tad incestous.... Sadly enough, it's not a Kurai-only problem... How I wish it were.

@Ronian: PREACH BROTHA!

Depends. For me, personally, there's two types I'd go for. The first is the male stereotype: strong, confident... all that stuff. The second is a rarer type: smart although not show-off-y, in touch with their emotions, and willing to talk about what's bothering them. A combination would be perfect, for me, anyway. So, in your terms, a "pussy" wouldn't really be all that bad in the long run.

Ironic what you're saying, though. Usually the guys that aren't "pussies" are usually after girls'.

Huzzah to that. It is a balance between big brother and friend and datable. Hardest balance ever. I haven't had actual experiences with trying to go from bro to date, but date to bro has happened.

Preach? :huh: ... I thought I sounded more like a psychology textbook than a preacher. Yea verily, insomuch that I did feel my soul did liken itself unto Mr. Lunde.

I dont crave chocolate...

IT'S DAMN GREAT, PURE BRITISH POT NOODLES!!!1!1!!!!!!11! :D

"Fuel of Britain, isn't it."

Let's stay on topic here, guys. -_-

Sozmaloz.


Well, i've never known a girl who likes a desperate guy. Maybe you should lay off a bit.

An advice that has always worked for others. Be your GOD damn self. Oh so rightious(F.M.S.), I do hope it works for you.

I've always been myself.