What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin’ you ain’t told the bitch twice already.

What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A woman.

What's the best thing about getting a blow job?
The whole time she can't talk.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

Why do women have arms?
Do you know how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Why do women fake their orgasms?
Because they think we care.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.

What do you say to a girl with no tits?
Nothing.

Why don't women need watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

How do you make a woman have an orgasm?
Who cares?

What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
When they take out the brain.

What's the best thing about getting a blow job from an Ethiopian woman?
You know she'll swallow.

What do you do when your woman comes out of the kitchen to whine at you?
Make her chain shorter.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, What the hell was that bitch doing out of the kitchen?

Women are like rocks... the flat ones are easier to skip.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Lipstick.

Why did God give men penises?
So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What does a woman put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

What do you call an unmarried woman in a BMW?
Divorcee.

Why did God create women?
Because sheep can't fetch beer from the fridge.

How are women like postage stamps?
You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send them away.

How are women like bowling balls?
You finger them and throw 'em in the gutter, and they keep coming back for more.

What's the difference between a menstruating woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts with "A man once told me..."

Why were shopping carts invented?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs?

What do you call ripping off a woman’s clothes and throwing her on the bed?
Foreplay.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.

Why did God put women's two holes so close together?
In case you miss.

Why do Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up enough pressure.

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, but you'd have to give back 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up once you let him in.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

...That was the only one I laughed at..and by jove was it hilarious.

Those weren't as funny as the other ones.... D:

Sexist offensive jokes that will warrent you much flaming. Until the feminists arrive though...


I lol'ed at more than one. :rolleyes:


*runs away*

Actually, me and my best friend were talking about something similar today. We both agreed that if females could reproduce amongst themselves, you guys would become extinct real fast. -_-

This just reinforces that, that's all.

That wasn't funny. At all... Good job Hiei, you fail at life. But at least you pass at being a wifebeater in training ^_^...

Agreed, None of these are funny at all.

...I find that highly offensive...meanie :"(

Hold on, what? You find my comment offensive? And this whole topic was just a walk in the park for me, right? -_-

Hiei, dear, you do this just in spite of me, don't you? -_-

What was posted before were clearly jokes most of which were not that funny might I add... I guess what you said could have been jest as well it just seemed much less joking. (Sorry if BMS misunderstood.)

...You know what? According to scientific research, the Y chromosome is shrinking; therefore, eventually, all men will disappear from the earth with the absence of the Y chromosome, and the world will be run by lesbians.

...Let that sink in for a second, and let your male-supremacy thoughts wrap around that. ^_^

Have fun in your lesbian world where there is constant bitching and nothing gets done. :)

And to the males who didn't find it funny, It's sad to see how pussy whipped you can be. D:

No men = no sperm. No sperm = no people. No people = no lesbians. SO, no men = no women. I LOVE math XD

Anyways, why the hell bother getting offended? "OMG THAT WUZNT FUNNEH I TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND SAY U PHAIL!" C'mon. I like the sumo/feminist one.

I've seen funny jokes about women, and I've laughed. Hard. But these simply weren't funny. Unless you're a meathead. Then they're funny I guess.

Actually, if you look at any of my classes in school, more girls get their work done than guys. And, normally, at a faster rate. Bitching, hey, we can't help that. :P

Well, Bucket, we could probably create a few more generations on sperm banks. Then we'd be screwed, yeah, unless they went to extreme measures. :P

I knew it. They're only making sperm banks so they can not only just outlive us in years but in generations...incredible...

I dunno... I did hear from my uncle who works on that field that in one experiment they got two female rats to reproduce, or something like a theory like that or something....

Hey Hiei, why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.

((For people who don't know, Helen Keller was blind and deaf, and famous for figuring out ways to communicate and stuff despite that. But I really don't think she drove; just goes to show ya....WOMEN!

*Females of the FEW board all respond "MEN!"*))

Non sex-based, shortened and botched by me:
A man is outside with his wife and family of 8 sons and 9 daughters, and they're all eating grass. A limousine pulls up, and a rich guy rolls down the window. He asks why they're eating grass.

"Sir, I work as hard as I can but I can't make enough money to feed my large family. So in our spare time we eat grass, which is the only thing we can afford."

The rich man looks dismayed. "Well, that's certainly a sad situation! Get in, get in!"

The family gets into the limo. The rich man has his chaffeur drive to his mansion. About halfway up the mile-long driveway he stops, and has the family get out.

"Sir, why are we stopping here?" the father asks.

The old man stretches his arms around him, indicating his lawn. "I haven't had the grass mowed in a while. I was hoping you could do me a favor."

Meh. If women ruled, the world would be one giant China. 12,000 people for every rat XD Without dudes, who would keep the population in check with mass murder and self-sterilization via golf club?

We also probably wouldn't reproduce as much. Several of my friends don't want to have kids at all. One of them is reconsidering because her boyfriend wants to. -_-

If the world was run by women, I'm thinking it may be on more of a socialist nature, like China in that way. China used to be communist, right?

Hiei, you'd cause me to go lesbian. None of those were funny... -_-#

Hey! "Women work all the time, men have to put up signs when they work"!!

There's a type of lizard that reproduces with female/female fornication. Human females could eventually do it.


As for females not having brains... that's why there's more females in honors and AP classes, right?

China still is communist XD

As far as asexual reproduction, it would take thousands of years of evolution.

If Kurai is right, males will die out before females. Then, since females can't turn into lizards quickly enough, the rest of us will die out.

Yayy! Humans will be extinct!-- The day the Earth can't wait for. >_>;;

Well, the evolution could probably be sped up if genetic scientists were able to alter DNA and stuff. Just isolate the gene that makes that happen, and embed it in embryos. Score one for girls.

I believe it's the whiptailed skink. :P

Besides, males would never be able to reproduce on their own. At least, with eggs, you can make clones. ^_^ Just like whiptailed skinks. They essentially clone themselves.

I don't like the way this is going.

I mean, for my part, from the guys and girls I know many more girls are interested in having kids at some point. But it probably just depends on various things I'm too lazy to think 'bout.

China is communist. It just hasn't been truly communist since...I'm not sure exactly when. But it is still run by the communist party of china.

When I think about female rulers I think about this Tang China empress whose name I can't remember. She was really cruel and vicious to the nobles, but she was actually one of the best rulers for the common people and encouraged (more) equal rights for women and such. She was probably a good deal better than most of the Chinese emperors.

The genetic birth thing is null; we'll probably be able to handle birth without women by the time we're able to handle it without men (at all) easily. Right now the solutions to any sort of problem with fertilization with sex have about a 30% success rate IIRC outside of sperm banks, and in that situation you're still as dependant on a sperm as on an egg. Not to mention they're a lot more expensive; as always, what women want always involves money and lots of it

The Y chromosome has become steadily more useless, with only 2 traits besides male/femaleness on it being present IIRC (as opposed to numerous more on the X). Theoretically it will eventually dissappear, but men won't; gender will be determined on the X chromosome if crossing over and such work out ok; no, ladies, I'm sorry, but this does not mean men will dissapear.

And wasn't there a man who got preggers or something? But somehow, I think if I came to that I'd rather just let men die. I guess that we have a lesser survival instinct than women.

In other news I'm going to be a founding member of NOM - national organization for men (NOW is for girls) - at my school once I send in my applications in January. I don't want to be rejected for being a male chauvinist pig. Not that I am, but my friend (who's a girl, and is joining) told me about it and I thought it sounded funny.

EDIT-Ivan, I kinda like the way it's going. BUT I sure hope that wonderful condition doesn't overtake the whole female population. Imagine if the fish stopped biting the hook...they'd still be in the sea, but there'd be no chance for the anglers to catch'em.

Joke, Gametalk-Mod-Guy. I think.

While asexual reproduction is apossibilty in lower level lifeforms, higher level mammals are far to complex. No mammal asexually produces (To my knowledge, unless its some weird platypus example), and as Kurai said, its basically cloning. Remember the sheep they cloned? While it was a clone and healthy, it was a retard of the sheeps. Cloning to much results in a similar effect as that to inbreeding. Recycled genetic material and coding will eventually decay without new material introduced.

SO, if men go extinct, and women asexually reproduce, I hope you all have fun with your cross-eyed Arkansas babies XD

Are you saying that I'm a gametalk mod? Nah, I'm not even a user of gametalk. I don't think I've ever even been on gametalk. I'm bucket, though, if you don't remember how I changed my name to be all fancy a while ago.

And I was pretty sure you were joking, but I wanted to be sure.

Ohhh, that reminded me of something recently brought up in biology II. We were talking about zygotes and all that, and then Mrs. S said something about the 8-celled morula: you can seperate those 8 cells and get 8 identicle people. (And of course Eric intervened with, "Hey! We could do that!-- Seperate those cells and have clone wars!" "Jedi freak..." was the response from Sam, or Nick, or Tank, or someone..)

Erm, I forgot some biology. Are you saying that you can take the cells produced during the initial stages of zygote division, or that you can take the 8 zygotes usually drawn in explaining meiosis and they would all be the same? I can't remember what the morula means.

The morula is the ball of cells that forms after/during cleavage. I don't know when it is, but it's in early embryonic development where the ball only holds eight cells, and it's there that you can seperate them and have 8 identical brothers and/or sisters.

They're simply gonna keep us guys in tanks, and get the sperm out when needed.

China is still in a state of communism, but no longer socialsm.
Communism relates to control of government. Socialism relates to a government in control of economy.

....it's people like you Hiei that make it hard for the decent guys...