| QUOTE |
| A blonde and a red head were walking through a park. The red head sees a dead robin on the ground, and says "Awwww, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looks around in the sky, and says "WHERE?!" |
| QUOTE |
| A blonde guy, a Japanese guy, and a black guy all have the same job and workplace. Every lunch, the black guy gets Chicken and Waffles, the Japanese guy gets Rice, and the blonde gets a ham sandwich. One day, all three said "If I have to eat this one more time, I'm going to kill myself!" The next day, the black guy opened his lunchbox. Chicken and Waffles. He actually killed himself! Then, the Japanese guy opened his lunchbox to find more Rice. He killed himself too! Then, the blonde guy opened his lunchbox. Ham sandwich, again. You guessed it, he killed himself, too. At the black guy's funeral, his wife kept on insisting "All he had to do was ask! I could've made him something else!" At the Japanese guy's funeral, his wife kept on insisting "Arr he had to do was ask! I courd've made him something erse!" At the blonde guy's funeral, his girlfriend said "He makes his own lunches!" |
| QUOTE |
| A blonde woman who has just had her hair colored brown has gotten a new air of confidence about her. People won't judge her anymore, and that was a good thing. Then, when she saw a shepherd walking his sheep, she pulled over. "Excuse me, sir, if I can guess how many sheep you got there, can I have one of them?" she asked, feeling good about her mathematical skills now. The shepherd replied "Sure, I suppose. But you've got to get it right on." The blonde looked at his herd, thought to herself for a minute or two, and then said "One hundred-eighty five". "Very impressive, young lady. You got it right on! Go ahead and grab one of my sheep, you deserve it." the shepherd said to her, quite impressed. She grabbed the one that she thought was the cutest one of the flock and put it in the backseat of her SUV. Before she got back into her car, the shepherd tapped her on the shoulder. "'Scuse me, miss, but if I can guess the natural color of your hair, can I have my dog back?" |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma is like a brick. Flat, dirty, and gets laid by Mexicans. |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma is like a turtle. Any time she's on her back, she's fucked. |
| QUOTE |
| I could'a been yo daddy, but the bastard in front of me didn't use a rubber! |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma is so fat, any time she goes outside in a yellow rain jacket, people are waving their arms at her, whistling, and yelling "TAXI!" |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma is like the community bicycle. Everybody's had a ride. |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma is so damned poor, she goes to KFC to like other peoples' fingers. |
| QUOTE |
| Yo momma's so stupid, she ran into a parked car. |
| QUOTE |
| Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks. |
| QUOTE |
| A priest, preacher and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?!" |
| QUOTE |
| A guy walks into a bar. Orders five shots on the spot. Bartender says "Wow, what's the occasion?" to which he replies "I just found out my brother's gay". The next week, the same guy walks into the bar and orders ten shots. Bartender says "Damn, what's wrong this time?", to which he replies "I just found out my other brother's gay". The next week, the same guy goes into the bar, and gets f i f t e e n shots on the spot. Bartender says "Holy shit, man, does anybody in your family like girls?!" to which he replies "Yeah, my sister." |
| QUOTE |
| A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot. When he's done downing it, he looks into his shirt pocket. Right after he pays up, he orders another shot. Looks into his shirt pocket again. He repeats this process another five or six times before he looks into his shirt, makes an odd expression, and gets up to leave. The bartender asked him before he left "Why did you keep looking in your shirt pocket after each drink?" to which the man said "I keep a picture of my wife in there. When she starts to look good, I know it's time for me to leave." |
| QUOTE |
| A whale fishing boat is out on the ocean when two whales see it. The first whale says "Hey, why don't we tip the boat and teach these guys a lesson?" to which the second whale says "Alright, let's do it." So, both whales swim directly under the boat, take in a deep breath, and shoot water up at the boat, eventually tipping it over. Then, the first whale says to the second "Hey, just to let them know now to mess with us again, let's eat the people that were on the boat!" to which the second whale says "Alright, that's where I draw the line. I got no problems giving blow jobs, but there is no way in hell that I am eating sea men." |
| QUOTE |
| Four men are sitting at a bar. Out of nowhere, they just start arguing about which of the four has the biggest dick. After the arguing is going on for about 10 minutes, the bartender gets sick of the constant "Dude, my dick's huge. No fucking way is yours bigger." "Wanna bet" "Bitches, my dick is 13 inches, AROUND!", so he speaks up. He says "Alright, fellas. You've got one of two choices. One is, you all whip them out, slap them on the bar, and I'll measure them right here. Two is that you all take this little argument outside, because if it keeps up, I'm gonna have to boot you all." Less than five minutes later, the four guys come to an agreement to get their dicks measured. They all whip their dicks out and put them onto the bar at the same time. Just about now, a fifth guy walks up to the bar. The bartender asks him "What kind of drink do you want, sir?" to which he replies "Oh screw the drink, I'll have the buffet!" |
| QUOTE |
| A black married couple is preparing for halloween. The wife wants to go trick or treating with her husband, and he doesn't want anything to do with even handing out candy, much less getting dressed up and begging for it. After getting sick of her constant nagging, he says "I'ma tell you what. Get me a costume, and I'll go. Cool?" She agrees. The next day, he comes home from work, and lying on his bed is a superman costume. "What the fuck is this? There's no such thing as a black superman. You gotta get me the right outfit, or you're trick-or-treating alone." She agrees. The next day, he comes home from work, and lying on his bed is a batman costume. "What the fuck is this? There's no such thing as a black batman, either! You gotta get me the right outfit, or you're trick-or-treating alone. Last chance." She agrees. The final day, he comes home, and lying on his bed are three white circles, about a foot in diameter, a very thick white belt, and a two-by-four. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with these? Is this my costume?!" "Well, you've got three choices, there, hun. You gotta strip down naked, and then you can either put on the circles and be a domino, put on the belt and be an oreo, or shove the 2x4 up your ass and be a fuckin dilly bar!" |
| QUOTE |
| One day, a 12 year old boy and his grandpa are out on a lake fishing. The grandpa is using a very effective lure, and even more effective bait. The boy is stuck with worms and a basic lure. The boy asks the grandpa, "Can I borrow your lure? You already have 6 fishees, and I only got 1!" The grandpa replied, "Can your cock reach your ass hole?" The boy was kind of surprised that his grandpa would even ask him a question of the sort, so he just merely replied with a short "No." Not much time had passed, and the boy had asked his grandpa, "Can I at least have a little of that bait?" The grandpa replied with the same question, "Can your cock reach your ass hole?" Again, dumbstruck, the boy said "No." Within the minute, the boy got out a bag of cookies and started eating. The grandpa asked, "Give me a cookie, son." The boy replied, "Can your cock reach your ass hole?" The grandpa said, "Why, yes it can!" The boy said "Good. Go fuck yourself, these are my cookies." |
| QUOTE |
| Why don't black people dream? Because black people with dreams get shot! |
| QUOTE (Kaden @ Jul 14 2007, 12:14 PM) |
| Wow, there was maybe one on there I hadn't heard before. X_X |