Title: Emo Rant...
Description: bear with me...
Reydemagival20635 - August 20, 2007 08:25 PM (GMT)
Jacked this off my Myspace...
| QUOTE |
It's come to my attention how ironic life truly is... Aside from my friends, I've really had no attatchment to Virginia whatsoever. I spent the last year and a half, hoping, wanting, desperately striving to get the fuck out, and go back to New York. Now, I'm rather surprised to fined that it's not easy to leave. It's not easy to let go of the friends I've made the time I've been here. They've truly been great friends, some more than others. I find it horribly difficult to have to let go of what I hold dear, not for the first time, but for the second time in only two years.
I guess I've been coming to terms with it of late... but it's not easy. I guess I can somewhat rest a bit easier than the last time... knowing that I'm going back to what I know. But then, that's a bit strange... because I'm not really going back to what I know. Matter of fact, I have to catch up with a life that I've been missing out on for the past year and a half. Things aren't what they used to be, and they never will be.
And then... there's her. I really don't know what to do with myself now. I can't stop thinking about her. But I know it can't last. Long distance relationships only end up hurting both ends in the long run. I think it's best to move on with our lives, and find happiness in other ways, in other forms, in other people. But when I remember that moment in the water, uttering those three words that are such a simple phrase yet so fucking difficult for me to say and mean, all logic simply falls apart and I'm left with nothing but raw emotion.
And then I realize that I don't really have all that much to say. I'm full of shit. It turns out I'm just as hypocritical as the next guy. I really want us to move on, but I really can't stand the pain of thinking we have to. I think this is God's way of telling me "Be careful what you wish for." Here I am, finally getting the exit I've been looking for. I finally get to leave Virginia, and on top of that I'm going back to New York City, and then here I am, agonizing over the fact that I have to leave behind someone I love more intensely than anything I've ever felt in my life.
And it's times like these I'm glad I don't have much in me left to cry, because I'd be bawling my eyes out for days if I could. But I've done all my crying. I guess all those times as a kid I cried for no reason, that was just my way of getting tears out of the way, for when I came to real hardships. I'd be able to stand firm and not have to cry. I'd be able to clearly express my emotions and feelings, without pointless blubbering getting in the way. And I'd be able to comfort those in need of my help, even if I was just as broken, if not more than they were.
But then I realize, I need someone to comfort me. I can't always be the one calming people down, keeping people together. There comes a point in time when I need to be kept together, and I can't do it alone. I guess that's where friends come in. And I've already seen my friends begin to try to help me out. Friends I've helped out in the past. Whether they just made a joke when I was feeling really down, or offered to drown our sorrows in alcohol together, or both, I've had help.
And for that I truly give thanks. For all that I've been given in this life. A home, a family, food, an education. And as much of an asshole as I am, smartass, rude, sometimes oblivious, often insensitive, and just plain annoying, I've been blessed with wonderful friends. Sometimes I think I don't deserve such wonderful friends, but I'm glad I've had them all the same.
For that, and perhaps above all other things, I give thanks. To our Creator, perhaps, but more importantly, to those people who've stuck with me, who've told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted, who've helped me get through what I've needed to get through. And I guess I'll have to ask, just one more time... Help me. I can't get through this alone. |
Kipdog - August 20, 2007 08:38 PM (GMT)
Yeah...life can be quite a pain sometimes. Stressful as well. I myself dont have any friends I truly trust. But I do have a family I can rely on, one that can help me if I ever actually need it. Eh, Im not really sure what Im tryin to say here, but sometimes you feel like you are on top of life, sometimes you dont. Kinda absent minded at the moment I suppose. I couldnt come up with a good response to that statement from the looks of it. :P
Puff - August 20, 2007 09:58 PM (GMT)
Damn... sorry, man. :/ I really wish I could help. Somehow.
Just 'cause you're going back to NYC doesn't mean you have to lose contact with your VA friends. And maybe you and your lady friend can work something out, eh? If you don't believe it can work, then it won't; also, if you don't put any effort into it, it won't hold up to any standards - it'll fall - and ultimately... won't work.
Don't talk about long distance relationships as if they're ALL the same. I assure you, they aren't. <_<
LoZfan03 - August 20, 2007 11:12 PM (GMT)
*whistles* woah. I totally know what you mean there. I know that doesn't always help any, but I do. Working through the same deal myself, except not quite as bad (less distance). good luck
KuraiKitsune - August 21, 2007 12:35 AM (GMT)
We'll all help as much as we can.
I may not be with you in person, but I'll offer as much support as I possibly can. Though I've never gone through the separation you have, I hope that at least offering a listening ear will help.
You'll get through this. It will take a long time to heal, but the time of pain will end eventually. Look at that light at the end of the tunnel, and just hold onto it- that little bit of optimism, though bitter at first, might just help you through this.
I'd give you a hug, if I could. A really, really big hug. :(
Durendal - August 21, 2007 06:44 AM (GMT)
I want to bitch slap whoever wrote this. They need to stop being an emo fag and choose wether or not they want to move. Its not that hard to choose one town over another, "do I like newyork or virginia better? New York/Virginia" End of story. People need to stop bieng stupid and either shoot themselves or be happy.
Reydemagival20635 - August 21, 2007 03:34 PM (GMT)
Dude, Dur, uncalled for. Quit being a troll. If you don't like what I wrote, then don't post about it. Sure, I'm being an emo fag, that's my business. I challenge you to even TRY to bitch slap me.
And Puff, what I said about long-distance relationships is my take on it, so I'm sorry if I offended you. It's just my opinion.
Puff - August 21, 2007 08:36 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Reydemagival20635 @ Aug 21 2007, 11:34 AM) |
| And Puff, what I said about long-distance relationships is my take on it, so I'm sorry if I offended you. It's just my opinion. |
<_< You don't take a survey and then just discard the answers you disagree with... What would the point of the survey be? :( You disappoint me.
Anyways, I can't much help - just gotta hope that things start lookin' up for you soon, I guess.
Trace Stratus - August 22, 2007 04:49 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Durendal @ Aug 21 2007, 01:44 AM) |
| I want to bitch slap whoever wrote this. They need to stop being an emo fag and choose wether or not they want to move. Its not that hard to choose one town over another, "do I like newyork or virginia better? New York/Virginia" End of story. People need to stop bieng stupid and either shoot themselves or be happy. |
It's easy to be an ass at a distance when your a pussy up close. :/
I don't have much to say Reyde, on this subject, except your own conscious will guide you towards the best decision as long as you think both sides thoroughly.
Esgalglinion - August 24, 2007 06:28 PM (GMT)
So exactly why do you have to move then? College?
You say that you've gotten help from the friends you already have in one way or another. Yet they weren't enough, so you came to as us instead. Uh, exactly what sort of logic is that?
We can try our best, trying to tell stuff that works in general, and we still won't be able to help you. Why? Because we don't know you. So basically, all you need is that everyone here pops in and say "I feel sorry for you", so that you feel that there are people caring, and hope that will cheer you up alone.
If you can't handle a decision like this on your own, but have to ask a bunch of strangers for help, then I don't think you're even ready to move away yet. If you want to move away, just straighten your back and move forward.
The only purpose for starting a topic like this is to get pity, or attention. Just to let people know "I feel crappy". If you really wanted help, you would personally ask an individual you'd know could help, such as Sara or Hiyami, or perhaps Juan. Because with a topic like this, people will only pop in and say "Oh, that's terrible, I feel sorry for you, but I don't really know if I can help", then go on with their dinner.
I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and that I'm not being the kindest around here. But I really don't agree with people making a topic like this "just to get help".
Lades - August 30, 2007 01:48 PM (GMT)
Keep it nice and friendly in here people.
Reyde, I've no real opinion or knowledge on this subject. My way is bury the heart and follow your goals. I'll lend you a friendly ear or something, but I can't help ya out.
Puff - August 30, 2007 09:52 PM (GMT)
If you come to Northern Ohio, I'll give you a hug. >_>
:lol:
Cadin - September 1, 2007 11:09 AM (GMT)
| QUOTE (Puff @ Aug 30 2007, 04:52 PM) |
If you come to Northern Ohio, I'll give you a hug. >_>
:lol: |
and I'll give you some beer!